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My "me too" responded. It got lost in the Google e-mail mess. She validated my concerns and apologized for causing me such distress over an insignificant matter that happened eons ago. She stated that we are all sinners and that God had already granted her forgiveness. Does she think that God has a special prison for minor infractions (violent sexual offenders?) My "me too" and my family of amazons have announced themselves to be my biggest threat. Nobody cares! 09-Oct-2018
My "me too" never responded and I never got my family back. 07-Aug-2018
I spill my feelings on this platform because even though there is no feedback it allows me to see the situation from another angle so I can be sensitive and not cause greater hurt. If I don't find any social value to my share I will delete it.
I was my mother's favorite as my sister was my father's. They set us up to compete, to cling to one parent against the other. I was always my sister's annoying baby brother and that restrained us from getting closer. There is no respect for a boy too precious and shielded (mother) for a girl that was going to rule the world.
When she suggested doing oral sex on her, I slammed the idea down because I didn't know what it was, I wasn't sexual yet and it sounded shameful. My sister was persistent, either I go down on her or she'll tell mother my secrets. Was it that I dragged the butchiest of my G.I. Joes? I never really found out what she was holding over my head. I didn't need mother's wrath to be jostled so I acquiesced. It was uncomfortable to be so intimate with someone who only conveyed rancor to me. I felt dirty and bad and it further confused my sexuality. I see women as mothers or sisters and I can only sexualize the "bad" girl. My straight attempts had an automatic off switch.
I can be very accommodating but my mind always triggers a rebellion when I feel wronged. Before the week was over I killed the satiation machine by telling her that I hated the act and I wasn't going to do it anymore and that whatever secret she was holding over me she could convey because nothing could be worst. She was angry for a while, she never spoke my secret and I put it away as the first sexual scratch.
I don't want to shame my sister for the abuse because she was also a child who must have had her own perpetrator that introduced her early to sex. I don't know.
My adult sister hates the mention of sex, doesn't drink or drug (not even aspirin) and like all people with a shameful past has found that the spirituality of God will vanquish all sins. My mother calls her a saint and has always instructed me on how to appropriately act between myself and her family. My mother nagged me so hard about why my sister and I weren't affectionate or communicative that I outed the experience. Mother had nothing to say except to insinuate I was ridiculous and a sinful liar. The conversation was cut short and never revisited.
I tried renewing a relationship with my sister by joining our families and enjoying the best that support can bring but it was short lived. The problems, the competition, the parenting and the pop-up walls didn't allow us to trust each other and we found ourselves on different sides, in different states with hurtful words, little understanding then silence. I haven't spoken to her in years.
She has reached out. We don't mend because we never expose the problem and because she needs to know I forgave her a long time ago. It's a gamble but I need to know if she can accept it. 12-Mar-2018
I have to face my second "me too" and I'm scared because I don't want to hurt my sister's feelings.
My lover thinks I need to put it out there so I can challenge myself to face it. 12-Mar-2018