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Married At First Sight (2014-)
Daily routines were observed and only sarcasm relayed the truth. Amani spits toothpaste onto your hair. Woody awakens like a senior and avoids the night like a feeble. Olivia startles awake and Brett arises perfect. Tree Banger coyly called out wifey for a lack of cleanliness but she didn't bite. She's the breadwinner and he is the service. Case closed. The mermaid princess got together with another couple and ate Sebastian's grandchildren. Scuttle (the bird) spent half the time standing and perching. Amani attempted to have Scuttle confide in her but besides babbling about how impatience scares him, there wasn't much for Amani to capture from birdspeak. The princess was not amused that he thought her rude to her subjects. The bird, who never talks, complained about her lack of communication. They rethought things and decided the attention and cha-ching that may follow will be worth the marriage. To my chagrin Scuttle compared himself to a turtle. I blurted, "really?" His face twitches 50 times before a turtle blinks and are the feathers there to hide his shell? Brett attracted gay woodies at a rock climbing event then played "Trivia" at a bar with Olivia and her friends. The questions went over his head, he became surly and uncooperative exclaiming that what they were playing wasn't trivia. Wife was overcome with weakness, stepped out and had a meaningless conversation with her friend about how he doesn't want to be a part of them. I was team Brett all the way. The game was shit and the friends were condescending. Woody and Amani discussed child whipping. She was against it and he was raised with it. Of course, he acquiesced but thought...fuck it, a slap and a threat when she's not around, they won't tell. Executive decision yelled rape with a but. I have no understanding of her type. By proclaiming to be so empowered she has become the weakest bride. If you need to pay someone to show you what closeness is, you're a robot. Let the daddy loose or fuck his brains out. You only live once. 17-Sep-2020
Hollywood dating was in effect. Karen and Miles went food shopping. I would have picked up Popeyes before heading home just to annoy her. Executive Decision (Karen) declared foul once again. She can't deal being matched with a girl. What kind of bulls are in this woman's life? Daddy just wants some bear hugs, teet tweaks, a yank and maybe a pull. As soon as daddy put his sex foot forward, she yelled rape. She's not suitable for human contact. The Bangers went slacklining. I would have pulled out my scissors and cut the line but this couple is about celebrating every stupid little thing. The banana tree broke peer sex pressure and popped the wife which lent him "I can do better" arrogance as he regaled her for being unkempt and undutiful. He also chose space instead of her. That'll teach her not to clean the bathroom. The bird taught aquatic maiden to golf and a human tried teaching them to dance. I wondered if his head whips spontaneously back and forth during oral service. Olivia and Brett went on a Republican alligator expedition. Brett was especially upset when he realized there'd be no alligators attacking the boat or his wife. Stupid and funny reactions were enabled with an addendum stating Brett would be honored to push his wife out of a plane. 09-Sep-2020
The couples prepared for company. Brett called Pastor Cal a dik and went missing for hours. Next day he returned to celebrate his marriage to a nurse practitioner with free access to drugs. Party time. Brett compared his wife to Nurse Jackie and gossiped to his friends that there was a lot of big dick in Mexico. The Bangers played house. Tree Banger rocked some jack-o-lantern cotton as his head made a great wick. The aquatic princess couldn't think of a favorite childhood food even though she's a mermaid and was cooking fish. The Dracula wives made a return to authenticate that their bff was the best victim a woman could ask for - without the sex part. Karen softened to the idea of their being some Perry in Madea. The village partiers "sex bashed" the men that weren't measuring up. The chants in favor of rape were horrific. Do you want him to pull your hair? Yes, that would be nice. Choking. If he knows the safe word, yes. Will you let him say the first word? Absolutely! Can you beg to push things along? Absolutely fucking not, I'm still a woman. Rape. 02-Sep-2020