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I’m in My 30s, and I’ve Never Been Able to Make It to Home Base With Women
I’m a 34-year-old straight, male virgin. I don’t have any trouble talking to women, frequently match with attractive women on dating apps, and often get to first base. I’ve even gotten to the “finish line” a few times, even getting to fingering and cunnilingus, but between being so nervous I can’t get it up, putting my foot in my mouth, and pure terror, I’ve always screwed it up. My first time in bed with a woman (someone I’d just met at a party), at age 27, it was the nerves, but the five subsequent times, in my 30s, I guess I didn’t even know where to begin. In all but one case, I told them I was a virgin, and only once was this a specific issue for my partner. All of them were women I met on a dating app, on the second or third date, except one that I was in a two-month sort of relationship with.
I’ve noticed that I don’t find the vagina particularly sexy. Could this be an issue? I’m also uncircumcised (this is common in my part of the world), and part of me fears tearing off the foreskin.
I feel like I’m missing out on a key part of the human experience. Maybe being in love with my partner would help, but frankly I haven’t been in love in a good 10 years. Maybe I just need to be so consumed by lust that I can’t overthink it, but does that even happen? It’s even crossed my mind to visit a prostitute and get it over with, but then I think really couldn’t get it up—the thought of a partner who is likely not the least bit attracted to you is a massive turn-off to me. I’m interested in your thoughts. Thanks, and have a wonderful day.
—Frustrated
I’m in My 30s, and I’ve Never Been Able to Make It to Home Base With Women