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Summer House (2017-) Whimper Upgrade Arf

The wedding. Kyle never looked lovelier. Andrea reminded the guests how much he needs a green card. Amanda's father was proud that his daughter chose a wide enough dress to store her husband's money. All the parents looked miserable. Lindsay fought the urge to buy a cat by asking Carl out. Carl kindly refused because he needed more time to feel shitty and sober. Carl named his giant hands "daddy." The only thing missing from Ciara's attitude was a belly button. 03-May-2022

Paige took me to a LOL brink by hosting a "tennis" inspired navy band slutwear fashion show. Where is a black person supposed to wear marching band navy slutwear to? She might dare wear it in the ghetto but she's not making it out alive to enjoy it. How presumptuous of Paige to think all black people know about tennis. Why, because two sisters once played it? Everybody's picking on Lindsay because she refuses to become a cat lady with regrets. She'll be forgetting about dick soon enough, let her savor some memories. She shouldn't be fucking so wildly after losing a child she never got to play with. WGAF. Lindsay should be able to change paths if she wants to. They all arrive to the same conclusion, death. Kyle has suffered enough male emasculation. He shook the table a little bit and everyone reacted like "the slap 2." Dude, Ciara poured wine and smashed glass on people! That was about something else. Really? Amanda's parents shoved their greedy asses into the prenup mess. In order for a feminist to succeed she needs her man's money. Her parents are scary. I'm surprised Kyle wasn't constantly farting through dinner. 19-Apr-2022

Yo! Lindsay got creamed for fucking multiple partners without being a parent. Ciara cannot forgive her for fucking her non-boyfriend. Bitch is lucky nobody made her clean up the broken glass. Raging with future alopecia is not helpful. Alex can only make one thing big and it's not his dick. Amanda does not want to sign a prenup that excludes her from fucking the nurse and taking all of Kyle's money. Andrea's huge dick can't guarantee him a green card. He needs to stop fake crying and fuck the shit out of Alex. Gays have power too and they clench real tight. 12-Apr-2022

Ciara took a page out of Will Smith's bio, broke glass and splashed red wine on her roommates. Some of them wore white! She was angry because her ex fucked the cat lady. Kyle did what the Oscars didn't dare and dragged her out. Karl realized that the road to happiness doesn't have to include his giant hands. He's going to have to use his dick too. Ken Doll asked for a prenup because he doesn't want his wife fucking the hot nurse and forgetting about his feeding tube. The only thing Andrea misses is not being a citizen of a country that accepts rampant sex. Paige's new boyfriend acts like a feeding tube. 05-Apr-2022

Reunion 2. The Hannah/Kyle dispute was tucked away. Kyle is the middle aged version of her fiancee and the man of her wet dreams. Carl's hands spoke and touched everyone. He did the giant thing and they swooned. Lindsay spoke like a man and got appreciation. Luke smashed Hannah's face in the jelly jar and brought down the fourth wall of reality TV. The host pretended minimally to scoop it up. "No. Really. It's not, we're not, I'm not, none of us are... fake. Really." 08-May-2021

Reunion. Hannah cried at every word rhyming with Luke and puked at every reference to Kyle. Kyle busted his rubber bands and walked out. Luke is still apologizing for being horny. Host did not offer Carl's giant hands their own seat or their own questions. 30-Apr-2021

I had a doll like Kyle once. He was blonde, four feet tall with rippling muscles, and a thong. He could pop rubber bands with his biceps. I had my seven foot black GI Joe fuck the shit out of him every day. My mother noticed the cum stains on Kyle and made him disappear. Something akin to how Hannah feels. She admired him in the toy store window when she was a tot but her mother wouldn't buy him for her. Shush, honey, that's only for boys. She can't get her hands on him. He's so disgustingly dominant for a little dick. I want him! No, I don't! Luke what? If I were Ciara I would have gotten Carl fucked up, up my dress and convulsing to his giant hands by now. Next morning. Car screeches away. Who was that? Carl. He had business to take care of. Really? Lindsay. Not being self-conscious of what she's doing makes her a really bad actress. Happy married with children! 23-Apr-2021

Stephen found out the hard way that there is no pleasing a woman. Dude, they're cocaine and we're weed. Wear them out. 05-Feb-2021

Tags: 2010s, Camp, Cliche, Fake, Fatigue, Fun Acting, Funny, Gay Swatch, Incomprehensible, Juvenile, Overcooked, Reality, Relationships, Shrill Act, Tacky, Weird

Filed under: TV

03-May-2022

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