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Movies

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Green Book (2018) Woof

I was predetermined to quit and I almost did at the beginning of Philadelphia but the film had an insistence on allocating an interracial message of unity. Ali rendered a painfully stoic sexual conundrum with too much high and no might. His fingers were the only part of his body trying to throb his character to life. He needed to fill the holes inherited by a lack of backstory. Mortensen breaks through the wrappings to inhabit but the tonal enthusiasm and scrunched up faces spawn 2D animation. It was funny, I drifted with the conversations, history was respected but I never once felt any of it happened. A slow seduction would have blown everything out of the park.

PS: If it makes everyone feel equal to be unpretty then we should stop saying "the magic of Hollywood." 29-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Gay Swatch, Life, Political, Sentimental, Star Watt, Tough, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

Permalink

29-Sep-2019


Head Count (2018) Whimper

The scares were piling up until the shit monster showed up. 27-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Fatigue, Horror, Mystery, Over the Top, Sad Effects, Silly, Suspense

Permalink

27-Sep-2019


Don't Knock Twice (2016) Arf

Katee Sackhoff distributed guilt, anger and appeasement to a character that didn't need it and it's appreciated. The director clangs the scares and the mythology works but the whole doesn't satisfy like the details. 26-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Chemistry, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Horror, Music Swings, Mystery, Star Watt, Suspense, Touching, Twisty, Writ w/Possibilities

Permalink

26-Sep-2019


Mary Poppins Returns (2018) WhimperEarly Exit

I had to quit. Just when I was getting accustomed to the hyper tension, they sang. 25-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Art Devoid, Brutal, Camp, Director Slouch, Ear Prick, Early Exit, False Action, Fantasy, Loud, Music Murders, Musical, Over the Top, Preposterous, Shrill Act, Silly, Tedium, Ugly Art, Unenthusiastic, Weird

Permalink

25-Sep-2019


Boys In Trees (2016) Arf

Rekindling a bromance. There were so many elements that could have thrust the story forward but the director was so intent on a surprise ending that his magic tricks don't total rationality. It's underhanded. The film relies heavily on Toby Wallace, whose star endowment keeps it flowing and wrings the only emotion at end. 23-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, By the Numbers, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Inactivity, Indecipherable, Manipulation, Mystery, Oncer, Over the Top, Preposterous, Repetitive, Romance, Timid, Weird, Writ w/Possibilities

Permalink

23-Sep-2019


Shazam! (2019) Arf

I don't understand why turning from a kid to an adult makes you goofy, especially if the youngster displays no sign of it. The corn and rah almost dismisses its significance but its ease and audacity of violence clinches it. 22-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Stomper, Camp, Comedy, Comic Book, Corn, Director's Slice, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Kool Effects, Over the Top, Pretty, Silly, Star Watt

Permalink

22-Sep-2019


Ma (2019) Whimper

The film never gives ma the purpose that would allow her to enact revenge sensibly or enjoyably. "Ma should have been the supplier of alcohol to teenagers that ended up driving and incapacitating someone she loved. Revenge ensues." Octavia exhibits instances in which exploitation of her gifts is considered but they are continuously squandered by horror cliches. Octavia smashing face with a twink is a creepy highlight. 20-Sep-2019
The boys look underaged but the girls don't. That's hilarious. 19-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, By the Numbers, Camp, Drama, Funny, Horror, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Revenge, Silly, Suspense, Tacky, Timid

Permalink

20-Sep-2019


Meg, The (2018) Arf

Super shark, super daddy and super action. Nothing else matters. 19-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Stomper, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Horror, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Sap, Silly, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Suspense

Permalink

19-Sep-2019


My Little Eye (2002) Whimper

It's all vegan undernourishment until the end where the meat and potatoes are served. 15-Sep-2019

Tags: 2000s, By the Numbers, Camp, Conspiracy Theory, Mystery, Political Satire, Suspense, Timid, Twisty, Writ w/Possibilities

Permalink

15-Sep-2019


Us (2019) No Moons

When a director can't wrangle a decent performance from two accomplished actresses (Nyong'o and Moss,) he isn't done with his training. The movie makes no sense and it doesn't deserve to breathe on anything resembling art. 15-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, Camp, Daddy Squish, Eye Gouge, Funny, Sort of, Inappropriate, Indecipherable, Manipulation, Oncer, Over the Top, Preposterous, Repetitive, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Tacky, Tedium, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Writer Humiliation

Permalink

15-Sep-2019


Crazy Rich Asians (2018) Woof

The presentation is a pristine and elegant throwback to the great traditions that made us and the new ones that maintain us. Actor likability is high, writing vibrates and its style is effervescent. 14-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Romance, Sap, Sentimental, Sweet, Writ Tight

Permalink

14-Sep-2019


Captain Marvel (2019) Whimper

Jude Law is the new Sean Connery (fuckable at any age.) The film is flat comic book junk with bad hair that can keep disaster movie Supergirl, company. 12-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Cold, Comic Book, Daddy Squish, Fatigue, Manipulation, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Shrill Act, Silly, Stink Wigs, Tacky, Unenthusiastic, Writer Humiliation

Permalink

12-Sep-2019


Nun, The (2018) Arf

Though self-evident and ridiculous the thrill spectacle contains mint scares. 07-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Stomper, Camp, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Funny, Horror, Mystery, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt, Suspense

Permalink

07-Sep-2019


Can You Ever Forgive Me? (2018) Howl

The quest for survival does not always entail good judgment. Melissa immerses herself in a character that is designed to grate, frustrate and devour and supplies her with a humanity we can sympathize with. We ride happily along as she eviscerates the establishment that pulled the pedestal from under her because she wouldn't play the game. The support is top notch and the writing barks. 05-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Bio, Chemistry, Comedy, Crime Drama, Director's Slice, Drama, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Political Satire, Sentimental, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Tough, Wit Snit, Writ Tight, Writing Reigns

Permalink

05-Sep-2019


Frailty (2001) Arf

I can hear Paxton say "demon" all day. I can fall into melodious dreams hearing McConaughey narrate. The film straddles the supernatural with an organic crime story. It was a story that needed to be told straight or absolutely bonkers. The film lost the opportunity to provide readied performers with characters that could outshine them. It came close but its confusion expired it before the finish line. 04-Sep-2019

Tags: By the Numbers, Camp, Daddy Squish, Drama, Funny, Good Acting, Horror, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Mystery, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Star Watt, Suspense, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

Permalink

04-Sep-2019




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