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Movies

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Venus In Furs (1969) Whimper

Hot stuff (James Darrin) obsesses over dead girl. Like the drugged out haze it was written and directed in, the film lingers on aspects that make it boring. It was bold to include an interracial couple and lesbians romping freely but the sex scenes consisted of a man's back against a woman's catlike nails on repetition. Giving Barbara McNair the insufferable title song hurt her vocal chords and our ears. By the end, you'll feel as misplaced as James Darrin. 20-Dec-2019

Tags: 1960s, Accidental Watch, Brutal, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Inactivity, Indecipherable, Music Murders, Mystery, Oncer, Open Ending, Over the Top, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt, Tacky, Tedium, Timid, Twisty, Vague

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20-Dec-2019


Daughters Of Darkness (1971) Arf

Newlyweds get their honeymoon interrupted by voracious lesbians. It's mystery stays locked until the end, probably so we don't question how illogical it is. The protagonists keep it sexually charged and violently demeaning. 18-Dec-2019

Tags: 1970s, Camp, Chemistry, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Gay Swatch, Horror, Hot Swatch, Mystery, Revenge, Romance, Silly, Vague, Weird

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18-Dec-2019


Hellboy (2019) Arf

Hellish Arthurian legend. It couldn't hit the masses because it keeps its characters and premise grotesque and blood-soaked. David Harbour conveys the title monster but his unappealing design lends him no superhero charisma. Cult status may grant its futility and relentlessness, crap fun. 18-Dec-2019

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Stomper, Brutal, Camp, Comic Book, Crapfun, Cultish, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Horror, Kool Effects, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Political Satire, Porn Violence, Silly, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Tough, Ugly Art

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18-Dec-2019


Favourite, The (2018) Howl

Filching the power of a doddering and enraged queen for self preservation. The lead trio combine with the word to exact the wit, scandal and one-upmanship that exists between women. Emma Stone's ambition cuts like a hurling knife, Rachel Weisz is all-business, running from said knife and the glorious and hilarious Olivia Colman covertly catches the knife to use against whom she pleases. Olivia opens like the wounds that appear during her illness. 16-Dec-2019

Tags: 2010s, Chemistry, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Gay Swatch, Great Acting, Hot Swatch, Mystery, Political Satire, Pretty, Revenge, Romance, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Suspense, Tough, Twisty, Wit Snit, Writ Tight, Writer's Peak

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16-Dec-2019


Heroes of Evil, The (2015) Woof

Revenge boomerangs, bullying turns you serial and little boys do fucked up things. 15-Dec-2019

Tags: 2010s, Brutal, Director's Slice, Foreign: Spanish, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Sentimental, Tough, Writ Tight

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15-Dec-2019


Ready Or Not (2019) Arf

Why in-laws don't have an official holiday celebration. It quick starts with ease and foreboding with Samara Weaving transitioning from blushing bride to Harley Quinn but it fails to stay on track and the payback doesn't live up to its promise. If the groom had been unaware and a convincing price tag applied to the hunt it would have curtailed the buffoonery. 15-Dec-2019

Tags: 2010s, Action, Camp, Chemistry, Creepy, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Political Satire, Revenge, Silly, Star Watt, Suspense, Vague, Writ w/Possibilities

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15-Dec-2019


Hallow, The (2015) Woof

Environment enacts revenge for interference. The chills are comprised of adorable baby in danger distress. 11-Dec-2019

Tags: 2010s, Action, Adorable, Brutal, Chemistry, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Good Acting, Horror, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Mystery, Over the Top, Sentimental, Twisty, Writ Tight

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11-Dec-2019


Marriage Story (2019) Arf

I miss the glamour of Hollywood. It's a dead art because we think that celebrating beauty diminishes the underwhelming. A film is a dream. When I dream, I want to go to heaven. I don't want to dream about Martha down the street with her torn robe, washing dishes. Everything is a little bigger and a lot more perfect. We have professionals who can transport us to a shinier world that we might want to emulate. It's a waste of superbeings! I'd watch no classic movie ever if the creators hadn't turned fabulous into an art. We know it's fake, they're not portraying crack addicts and drab sucks. 09-Dec-2019
It celebrates the act of divorce like it's a novelty few of us have experienced. Driver and Johanssen rip through an earsplitting script that offers little insight, poetry or pizzaz. The Gods and Goddesses come down to earth to portray us with little celestial beauty to trim the boredom. Laura Dern knows. 09-Dec-2019

Tags: 2010s, By the Numbers, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Repetitive, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, TV-like, Unfunny, Writer Humiliation

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09-Dec-2019


Winter Meeting (1948) Arf

Hulkean war hero has a hard time relinquishing his power to serve God but Bette's there to help. There are reflective moments on mental health when the characters spill and expound. Bette gives the character her established perfection and James Davis is the right giant to pound the rigidity out of her but it defined without comprehensive deduction. 09-Dec-2019

Tags: 1940s, Daddy Squish, Drama, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Life, Pretty, Romance, Sentimental, Star Watt, Touching, Wit Snit

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09-Dec-2019


I Lost My Body (2019) Whimper

It lost me at the misadventures of a hand. 09-Dec-2019

Tags: 2010s, Animate, Brutal, Creepy, Indecipherable, Mystery, Over the Top, Preposterous, Silly, Tedium, Weird

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09-Dec-2019


Christmas Survival (2018) BitesEarly Exit

I could only survive 15 minutes. 08-Dec-2019

Tags: 2010s, Art Devoid, Brutal, Camp, Comedy, Ear Prick, Early Exit, Holiday, Over the Top, Preposterous, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Tacky, Unfunny, Weird

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08-Dec-2019


Neon Demon, The (2016) Whimper

The art of devouring beauty. The film is stuck on carving striking visuals to move itself along, never defining its purpose or giving a well cast tenacity. We tend to fear beauty but it's our reaction that stirs it. 08-Dec-2019

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Director's Touch, Drama, Fatigue, Hot Swatch, Indecipherable, Manipulation, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Preposterous, Pretty, Silly, Star Watt, Suspense, Tedium, Timid, Weird

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08-Dec-2019


Terror Is A Man (1959) Woof

The lesson always seems to insinuate that when man interferes with the environment, even if it it is to save us, it only exacerbates the situation. The creeps activate, the atmosphere encompasses it and the main alphas (male & female) are surreal. 06-Dec-2019

Tags: 1950s, Accidental Watch, Action, Chemistry, Creepy, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Horror, Hot Swatch, Political Satire, Scary, Sentimental, Suspense, Writ Tight

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06-Dec-2019


Something (2018) Whimper

It was starting to feel like an allegory for reluctant parenting but the writer couldn't unhitch from irrelevance. 05-Dec-2019

Tags: 2010s, By the Numbers, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Mystery, Timid, Unenthusiastic

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05-Dec-2019


Satan Met A Lady (1936) Arf

They hired accomplished actors to line read with little expression except snide, stupid or cute. The characters are comic strip flat. 04-Dec-2019

Tags: 1930s, Brutal, Camp, Comedy, Comic Book, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, Mean Spirited, Mystery, Over the Top, Silly, Star Watt, Weird, Wit Crack

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04-Dec-2019




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