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Batman, The (2022)
The Batman is the only character that suits up. How lonely for him. He's always the freak. The support enact realistic iterations of characters that lit up Batman's mythology to absolutely no effect. The Riddler is a demented teen who was brought up by an unfunny father who worked the mines. The riddles were blah. There is no Riddler without a tight body suit, a tight body and demented cynicism. Daddy Farrell wasted a lot of time in makeup, creating art out of a role that doesn't belong. He is not penguin. I didn't see any top hats, monocles or bullet umbrellas. Michelle Pfeiffer's reign as the best film Catwoman cannot be extinguished. Zoe is an everyday gorgeous girl not a cat. Her cowl is just as cheap and unintelligible as I expected. Her lack of meow hurts. Commissioner Gordon was a lackey. Everything was eeeeewww and he was always waiting for Batman to finish things up for him. Daddy Turturro knew exactly what the director wanted and gave it to us. Alfred and Bruce's interaction was rude. The parental bond was cold. Why hire an Aunt Harriet if she's not going to be an Aunt Harriet? That might have been fun. Oops. Sorry. Fun not allowed. The Twins were cute. Robert Pattinson is the glue you want to stick to because he makes you ponder how his beautifully broken humanity can create life from something he hates. I saw love in Zoe's face when she looked at him. I saw panty dropping aloofness register from his. Batman's narration doesn't mesh with toxic revenge. The moments he celebrated were my cringe. This isn't Batman. He doesn't laud himself or others. He's a lonely motherfucker that hates the world because he lost mommy and daddy to crime and got stuck in a mansion with a pervy butler. Batman's detective work failed from a lack of gadget magic. Yeah! Rich angry fucks love gadgets. Matt Reeves strikes potent pictures but was entrapped by a franchise that is petrified of its origins. The man/woman who gives us comic book Batman with realistic choices will become King of The World. What's the point of hiding in the shadows if everyone can hear you? 18-Apr-2022