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All Posts Tagged as 'Horror'

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Menu, The (2022) Bites

The menu didn't serve enough choices and didn't take advantage of it's clientele. Face actor Fiennes was ready to do some really mean things but he ended up depraved and soulless. What makes foodies offensive is not their meal choices but their business dealings? Hong Chau creeped out and overcame ick material. Nicholas Hoult didn't get a chance to swing. Taylor-Joy gave good face but subtle depth. Was John Leguizamo the only latin pimp with taste buds they could think of? He doesn't belong. The horror element is copied from a better script's cliff notes. The actors did not do like Lucy and make us believe they were eating that shit. Hardly anybody ate. Didn't get it, didn't care because I eat to survive. 22-Jan-2023

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Cliche, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Drama, Horror, Mean Spirited, Political Satire, Preposterous, Repetitive, Revenge, Star Watt, Tedium, Wit Crack, Writer Humiliation

Filed under: Movies

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22-Jan-2023


 

Tags: Ass, Blonde, Feet, Horror, Jock, Legs, Muscle, Portrait

Filed under: Photos_(NSFW)

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19-Jan-2023


Last Of Us, The (2022-) Arf

Not saving boys or giving them parts in movies is becoming a Hollywood tradition. A snarky and petulant baby girl is rescued so she can realize her dream of becoming a toxic man. Pascal is the footman on the rescue mission and the only one forcing his acting talent to burst. Anna Torv is saddled with being a man whose deep scars hide a harsher man. It's an eerie Walking Dead iteration that seems to add nothing worth noting. 17-Jan-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Horror

Filed under: TV

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17-Jan-2023


Tag A-Long, The (2015) Arf

The child looks like a foreign creep from the same world. It establishes the dread and the style. Grandma, grandson and girlfriend have an established relationship that is misunderstood and unrecognized by all parties until cflimate change happens. For every tree that gets knocked down, a human is tasked to replenish it. I liked the drama and the characters but scares didn't pound with sense. 02-Jan-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Chemistry, Crapfun, Director Movement, Drama, Foreign, Good Acting, Horror, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Mystery, Over the Top, Relationships, Suspense, Sweet, Vague, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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02-Jan-2023


Black Phone, The (2021) Arf

A bully is a victim before they become a predator. A predator is nothing but an angry child. The children were the core and mumbo jumbo was the calisthenics. The phone was a stretch but gifting someone with heavenly sight left no room for art. They beat the course but failed the test. The boy doesn't figure his way out. The cops are the stoopidest. Impossibility aids. Kids are tortured but ass clowns with dilemmas aren't. Why would a kid remember and know so many missing kids? The serial must grab a kid every two weeks. Why weren't the phone calls from slave boys of the past recounting how they got past their masters? Why didn't the film turn realistic and write all the hints on the walls and actualize via flashbacks? Hawke delivers a stand-in performance. We have no idea who was underneath all those masks. If it can't be thoughtful, exciting or coherent, be a survival guide for sexually abused children. 28-Dec-2022

Tags: 2020s, Creepy, Director Experiment, Drama, Fatigue, Horror, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Timid, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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28-Dec-2022


Invitation, The (2022) Bites

A visually appealing cast is wasted on a production team that doesn't know how to stimulate people. It says women are dysfunctional without family. It's forever emptiness like a missing appendage or lost luggage. Half black girls all want to be white. The best man game in town is offering women free stuff. The #1 reason women get into trouble is because they accept free stuff. I spent the first hour wondering if a starving artist would actually wear a nose ring to meet royal snoots. At the end, it didn't matter but it had me tuning in and out, wracking my brain until it got really stoopid and I stayed tuned 100%. 26-Dec-2022

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Director Hands Off Approach, Drama, Elegance, False Action, Fatigue, Horror, Over the Top, Predictable, Scare Obvious, Trashy, Writer Weakness

Filed under: Movies

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26-Dec-2022


Hush (2016) Arf

It's a horror slasher that believes it shouldn't have to explain why a killer kills. He just does. It's a lack of opinion and a loss for art. A perspective from a person with capabilities would have created a nicer balance. Mask off created no tension or tingles. SPOILER ALERT: It wasn't Brad Pitt. The mask was more effective. All was slasher cohesion with no heart attacks. 20-Dec-2022

Tags: 2010s, Action, By the Numbers, Cliche, Coincidence Laden, Drama, Horror, Inactivity, Suspense, Thriller, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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20-Dec-2022


Nope (2022) Whimper

The characters are as blanched as photographing black people in the dark. They react but convey no thoughts or feelings. Kaluuya is an all day crank that has no good reason for living and Palmer is an annoyance that is not fully explained. Jordan Peele must have learned his craft on the street because it's nonsense. The big bad is a giant vagina that sucks everything up except condoms and bleeds profusely atop of people's houses like they were absorption pads. 18-Dec-2022

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Director Slouch, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Over the Top, Preposterous, SciFi, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Vague

Filed under: Movies

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18-Dec-2022


Too Hot To Handle (2020-) Bites

Oh fuck. Monumental nudity not allowed. Boo! 18-Dec-2022
S4E3. The hornies are back. The series offered light nudity because they can and should. They served two pretty safe pipe extinguishers, one knockout but no monumentals. We're talking James and male ass here. He's the monumental that hasn't shown. 12-Dec-2022
Yo, call a doctor! The human race is hornier than we thought. It's not just us, its everybody! The children are fucked! 03-Jul-2021
No sex games, stripper parties or porn stars performing anatomy tricks. No Casa De Amor with an hour free of rules to tempt anyone. A lame exercise in controlling the libido does not a better date candidate make and I have no idea what point it's trying to make. (The winner takes home about $12.00 after taxes.) 19-Apr-2020
The norm is hornier than I thought. Love Island Castaways land on Mt. Celibacy and are tortured into going straight. The women are boob jocks and the men prance around blowing bro bubbles. The understanding is that what an independent woman wants, is a servant. It's not daring or tacky, not willing to titillate on a channel that permits it and not willing to locate a winning politic. "Tom Holland future" is an eerie panty shredder, women are still reaching for the biggest/complicated things, unruly racism is itching closer to our faces and Jesus left because he couldn't stand them. 18-Apr-2020

Tags: 2020s, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Creepy, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Egotistical, Fake, Horror, Hot Swatch, Incomprehensible, Juvenile, No Chemistry, Reality, Sap, Shrill Act, Silly, Weird

Filed under: TV

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18-Dec-2022


X (2022) Whimper

The idea of renting a house from senior landlords living on the property, in the 70s, to shoot a secret porn film plays ludicrously. It opens stinking of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and ends up vomit. This is an auteur's movie. The porn they were creating was supposed to be art. It was another porn stinker. 2 hours of three girls and a cock. The film would've played better as background for orgies. Seniors were represented as Tales From The Crypt old. Ick. Fear of getting old and losing control of sex and the joys that come with it. It stopped smelling like Chainsaw as soon as it tasted like Jaws and went down like Friday the 13th Part Three in 3D. 25-Nov-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Brutal, Camp, Creepy, Director Insanity, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Silly, Tacky, Trashy, Violent, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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25-Nov-2022


Satan's Children (1975) Bites

It's so low budget that it couldn't even afford to be one of Bobby Brady's (Brady Bunch) teenage dreams. A smooth twink rebels against his argumentative father and insistently horny sister. He travels into Wonderland with pot in his pocket and a party hang out mentality with anyone except queers. He gets gang raped by a bunch of straight men who cripple him and not. There is a rape scene but it's more hilarious than it is shocking. I couldn't tell if they were shoving things up his ass or fucking him. They dump him somewhere Satan worshippers live. Chief Stew becomes enamored. He is rescued. The deck is revolting against second in command. The captain is away. They do not rescue strangers unless master commands it. Bobby becomes immobilized because his ass hurt. Really, immobilized? He found time for flat on your back sex, though. The captain returns unexpectedly and all hell breaks loose. It doesn't develop triumph or backbone until the very end. It's laughable, langorous and unforgettable. 31-Oct-2022

Tags: 1970s, Accidental Watch, Daddy Squish, Director Insanity, Drama, Funny, Good Idea, Horror, Hot Swatch, Preposterous, Rapey, Sad Effects, Silly, Timid, Trashy, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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31-Oct-2022


Chalk Line, The (Jaula/The Cage) (2022) Arf

I would have preferred The Cage to the Chalk Line because the english title sounds like a gimmick used to limit production costs. The director accommodated the mood, the actors stood in place but its details provided little depth. I know the what but not the why. The script was written on a typewriter/tik tok adding machine with limited credit. 29-Oct-2022

Tags: 2020s, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Drama, Foreign: Spanish, Horror, Music Swings, Mystery, Psychological, Relationships, Slow, Star Watt, Suspense, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Wit Crack, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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29-Oct-2022


Day Of The Animals (1977) Whimper

Depletion of the ozone layer is making animals at high levels territorial. Crows are the eyes, bears, the muscle, dogs are betrayers and mice, the vermin. There were no cats of the domestic kind. I presumed the dogs ate them. The cast is professional and appealing. The George's marriage radiated on screen. Michael Ansara played a dignified American Indian, proudly. Leslie Nielsen rages in the most asshole kind of way and we love it. He ripped his shirt to shreds because he was committed. I was enthralled. Nice shots of the animals grouping, the child, the after effects of a kill and Andrew Stevens body, face, smirk and Farrah-like hair. A story that deserves what new technology is capable of... without the preach. 26-Oct-2022

Tags: 1970s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Good Idea, Horror, SciFi, Suspense, Timid, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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26-Oct-2022


Martyrs (2008) Bites

The only way women can see the light is if they get punished for being women. The opener cues you in, the orphanage grants the characters humanity, the grown up versions are psychotic, the violence is pukey and the horror is inane. The more intimate the story, the bigger the chills. Here, the bigger the story, the more impossible it sounds. I do not get off on seeing women beat and suffering endlessly esp. for stupid reasons, but I realized that lesbians might. The film avoids sex as a respect to all women. Dude, I'd rather go back in time and get raped again than suffer through this. 17-Oct-2022

Tags: 2000s, Creepy, Depressing, Director Insanity, Drama, Eye Gouge, Fatigue, Foreign, Gay Swatch, Gory, Grating, Horror, Manipulation, Over the Top, Preposterous, Psychological, Revenge, Suspense, Tough, Trashy, Violent

Filed under: Movies

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17-Oct-2022


Watcher, The (2022) Arf

Moving to a new neighborhood is like finding extended family. Neighbors expect things of you. You fake your way out, you eventually fall into their trap and they change you. Jennifer Coolidge is in it. She was mighty confident pulling out question marks. She's all you'd expect and more. Margo Martindale is sublime as a sparring neighbor that's always lawfully right. The asshole who I think claimed all men want to sleep with their daughters was intriguing. Mia Farrow was wasted as a tree communicator/hugger/companion. A neighbor that excludes humans from the safety of the environment is a nag. Every time Papa Cannavale raged, my loins pleasantly shifted but when he didn't stop, I got ED. The Wakandan investigator seemed too fabulous to be in this realm. Real-life haunted house stories are bullshit. A bunch of brilliant people coming up with an idea of creating history by actually destroying people's lives and documenting it. All I wanted was to see Martindale and Coolidge go at it. Coolidge as a porn star neighbor with loud parties and sex orgies (ooh ooh, she can invite Stifler), colorful guests and Martindale doing what she does best with lesbian tendencies. Ryan puts our head in a tumbler and expects us to figure it out. On what basis? 14-Oct-2022

Tags: 2020s, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Fun Acting, Funny, Good Acting, Horror, Indecipherable, Over the Top, Overcooked, Political, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, Warbly, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

Filed under: TV

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14-Oct-2022




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