All Posts Tagged as 'Horror'
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American Horror Stories (2021)
S1E2. The most beautiful ass in the world plays a gay parent with a shitty lover and a horny daughter. A gay couple's relationship is only as relevant as the last threesome. The reason lesbians adore violence is explored and clarified. The house was missing a master but the story kept moving to an eerie Bernard Hermann score. 24-Jul-2021
Fear Street Part 3: 1666 (2021)
Mythology overload. Lesbian witches are a creation of man's impotence and disregard for boundaries. The curse is complimentary. 21-Jul-2021
Too Hot To Handle (2020-)
Yo, call a doctor! The human race is hornier than we thought. It's not just us, its everybody! The children are fucked! 03-Jul-2021
No sex games, stripper parties or porn stars performing anatomy tricks. No Casa De Amor with an hour free of rules to tempt anyone. A lame exercise in controlling the libido does not a better date candidate make and I have no idea what point it's trying to make. (The winner takes home about $12.00 after taxes.) 19-Apr-2020
The norm is hornier than I thought. Love Island Castaways land on Mt. Celibacy and are tortured into going straight. The women are boob jocks and the men prance around blowing bro bubbles. The understanding is that what an independent woman wants, is a servant. It's not daring or tacky, not willing to titillate on a channel that permits it and not willing to locate a winning politic. "Tom Holland future" is an eerie panty shredder, women are still reaching for the biggest/complicated things, unruly racism is itching closer to our faces and Jesus left because he couldn't stand them. 18-Apr-2020
Fear Street Part One: 1994 (2021)
Teen lesbians break up after the other moves to a better town and starts hooking up with boys. A jealous and violent prank accidentally disrupts a force that sends undead serial killers to obliterate them. The director has ballsy energy and the kids read well. It pays homage to the slasher film while making the violence more palpable and incorporating lots of baby kickass fun. 02-Jul-2021
Clovehitch Killer, The (2018)
It's based on a historical serial killer but it's not. Boy's disinterest in crime history is tested when he stumbles upon evidence that may incriminate a loved one. A teen investigation ensues. Obvious clues don't allow the mystery to spring forward. The family does not generate enough emotion to evoke compassion. There is no new imagination. Are we supposed to act like we don't know who the killer is? It's only directed that way? Charlie Plummer pulled away at the proximity of Dylan McDermott.That would have been useful for some guttural acting but no one thought of it. Dylan mocks his character and has no idea how to preach about God. We're cheering for a family that sucks and a film that associates cross dressing with psychos. 19-Jun-2021
Goodnight, Mommy (2014)
Mother returns home after cosmetic surgery. She is burdened with twin boys, bandaged, tired, snarly and in need of recuperation. The boys are lonely and constantly interrupting her beauty rest which makes her upset and overreactive. The boys become convinced that the woman hiding under the bandages is not their mother. She's more violent than usual. The boys test her extensively and unbearably. They want to prove she's a fraud. "Misery" mayhem is top notch, direction has balls and the cast is deadly. 17-Jun-2021
Devil-Doll, The (1936)
Escaped prisoner hitches with a dying scientist who wants to make it home so he can shrink people with his wife and change the world. The protagonist just wants to avenge the men who set him up and gain his daughter's respect. The escapees make it to the wife's cottage. A frightfully wonderful Rafaela Ottiano plays the faithful wife who has maintained his experiments and awaited his arrival. They want to shrink people so they can consume less and help the environment. It starts with dogs, jumps to lowly humans and precipitates into people you want canceled. Lionel Barrymore is top notch as the set-up guy lucking into revenge. The dolls have brilliant moments and shoddy ones. The dolls are a cameo to the story of a man that has to become a woman to safeguard his family and prove his innocence. 24-May-2021
Elizabeth Harvest (2018)
Mad genius harvests wife until she gets it right. Ciaran Hinds does as he looks with no surprises. A better intro to Elizabeth's beginnings might have given the character depth because in the present, she's a dope. Carla Gugino wasted her brilliant cream and Matthew Beard creeped me out. The process of thinking is so wasteful. 14-May-2021
A Bucket Of Blood (1959)
It feels like an episode trashed by The Twilight Zone because of extreme creepiness. Mentally unwell busboy works at a grungy cafe that spits art on a loop. It's just high people babbling (poetic readings), white people jazzing and everybody judging. There was a rap essence, pre-ALF jazz, optional shaving, questionable sexuality, men wore beach sandals with suits and the hate was chill. Busboy daddy dreams of becoming one of these assholes. He doesn't know any better. Busboy accidentally stabs a cat in the wall and it lands near his bucket of clay. Voila! Instant art! He brings the hideous sculpture to the cafe and becomes a hit. Voila! Genius art! He is now an asshole. 10-May-2021
Seventh Sign, The (1988)
God was so angry with us in the 80s that he sent seven signs to warn us he was on a path of annihilation and made Demi Moore and her baby carry the burden. If she can fulfill enough of God's contracts she can accomplish the "save the world" prophecies in the bible. Moore's luminescence and chemistry is wasted on shitty creators. A man can protect the world but only a woman can save it. 04-May-2021
Tenant, The (1976)
An unassuming man moves into an apartment that drove a young woman to suicide. He visits the victim at the hospital (for foreign hospitality reasons and to maybe see her suffer?) and becomes obsessed with realizing her history. The neighbors find every reason to make him feel insignificant...he's too noisy, too weird, too private, too sexual and too mentally unwell. The director posted Rosemary's Baby with a shittier budget and himself in the lead. (We are to presume that some other schmuck directed it). The opportunity for a defamed man's self-reflection is a good opportunity for doctors to psychoanalyze him, wrangle the rest and let the people decide. Are the neighbors driving him nuts or was he already nuts? Why is he dressing like a girl? No, that's the girl that jumped out the window. Yes, he drags out and the film continues to crash into WTF Land as he spills nothing about himself except his obsession with precision ... the soft caresses, the whispers, his crippling distrust of socialization, the corners, the lighting, the orchestration, the genius, the illusion of knowing how a child feels and where the bad place ends. A whore is a child unsaved by him. (He aint smarter than his dick, though.) 23-Apr-2021
Nasim Pedrad plays a fourteen year old boy with cosmetic enhancements, a balding auntie wig that isn't glued to her neck and the swag of a girl whose sure she's going to get an "A" in drama. Her statement is overshadowed by how she feels about boys. She adds confusion to the sexual revolution. Had Pedrad cast a boy of her own heritage to be an example of how she wants her future to look like, she might have created some sweet art. 21-Apr-2021
90 Day Fiancee: Tell All (2021)
The legend of the Leprechaun
Pt.2. Tarik and Hazel. Why is everyone pretending Tarik doesn't want to fuck Minty? Dude, her name is Minty. Minty doesn't like women but she's pretending to so she can steal Hazel's green card. "Bitch, get your own chump!" Andrew and Amira. I'm surprised she can travel. She doesn't move much.
It ended abruptly and it was Natalie's turn. WTF?! 19-Apr-2021
Pt.1. Yara & Jovi. Jovi likes strippers because they make him cum. Mike & Natalie. Natalie might qualify for "best supporting actress in a documentary" at next year's Academy Awards. Mike is a beastly leprechaun. He promises her his pot of gold then takes it back. The beast got shot projectiles for finding a unique way to explain cheating on Natalie. The prize for the humiliation is five years of extra fucks for him and a smelly closet, a freezing home, a pig, carrots and some company for her. I hope someone asks Natalie if she's a hardcore fan of Alison Argram who played Nellie Oleson on Little House... Brandon & Julia. Julia gave all the males woodies and squirms whilst describing her career, esp. Jovi and Brandon's dad. The Boy's mother almost choked from twitching closed her emotions. Rebecca & Zied. Tiffany's friend flirted with Zied and fucked Tiffany's husband. His guilt oozed right off the screen even though nobody accused him of anything. Zied didn't fuck Rebecca when she got naked in the hot tub because the lighting was off. Andrew & Amira. She couldn't breathe so she put a sexy bustier on to help the oxygen circulate. Andrew got his hair ironed for nothing. 13-Apr-2021
Blood Moon (2021)
This is an almost horror classic because it built good character relationships but sidestepped showing us the horror. Most scares evolved from the predicament of the main characters which added some suspense but the director was afraid to delve into action. Too bad. We all missed out. 29-Mar-2021
Beyond Gypsy Blancharde: When Mothers Harm Their Kids for Attention
When mommy blogger Lacey Spears was convicted for the murder of her beloved five-year-old son Garnett, thousands of Spears' social media followers were absolutely shocked. For years prior, the young Kentucky mother had taken to the Internet for support by documenting Garnett's various health struggles. Lacey exhaustively blogged Garnett's medical journey, all the while hiding the one thing that was keeping him sick: unbeknownst to Lacey's faithful supporters, she had been secretly poisoning the child with life-threatening doses of salt through a feeding tube.
In the winter of 2014, Garnett passed away in a New York hospital from toxic amounts of sodium in his bloodstream. Detectives were sent to Spears' home where they discovered Garnett's medications tucked behind a large can of salt. It was then revealed that Spears had asked a neighbor to enter their home and dispose of Garnett's feeding bag which was allegedly filled with the equivalent of 69 packets of salt.
After a highly publicized two-week trial, Spears was sentenced 20-years-to-life for the second degree murder of Garnett. The New York prosecutors called her actions, "nothing short of torture." Death by salt poisoning is extremely painful, and Garnett spent his last days screaming in agony (the hospital-room videos are disturbing) before the decision was made to take him off of life support. The defense blamed the hospital for both the elevated levels of sodium in Garnett's blood and his subsequent death. Spears maintains her innocence and vehemently insists that she does not have Munchausen's Syndrome by proxy. Obviously, the judge thought otherwise, citing "mental illness she refuses to acknowledge."
Beyond Gypsy Blancharde: When Mothers Harm Their Kids for Attention