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All Posts Tagged as 'Suspense'

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Possessed (1947) Arf

Can a failed secret affair cause a woman temporary insanity? Sure. The film piles plenty of symptoms and Joan Crawford obsesses about inhabiting all of them. She's haunted, Scream Queen, scared, frightful, conniving, confused, grating, bitchy, mother farcical and "don't fuck with me" Joan. She splits every arc into a different character. It was brilliantly insane but it didn't work. The man that made her brain ache played the piano, was a wordmeister, could fuck and always looked tired. He dumps her on the eve of her first hallucination whilst continuing to remain in each other's lives. He's just as crazy as she is except he's not getting diagnosed because he is not a "woman." After being told countless of times that he would never love her, she marries an old rich bastard to get his goat, he "up yours" her by proposing to her stepdaughter and Ms. Joan has a ball going nuts. Unbelievable psychology and too much genre (drama, horror, mystery, crime, comedy, romance, musical, etc.) deflate it.

(People that are crazy don't know they're crazy.) 14-Apr-2021

Tags: 1940s, Camp, Cold, Conspiracy Theory, Crapfun, Director Insanity, Drama, Elegance, Funny, Gay Swatch, Grating, Mystery, Over the Top, Relationships, Star Watt, Suspense, Tough, Twisty, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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14-Apr-2021


What Lies Below (2020) Arf

The fun begins as soon as Trey Tucker parts from the water. Mother has a new boyfriend. He's a Hallmark envelope with extra glue to lick. Mother may be feeling the olds but she's fucking Trey Tucker! Get out! Daughter wants a piece of him too! A character becomes obsessed and another gets killed? No? The film's personality zig zags. The fun ends when the film changes outlook and the feelings it previously drudges up don't get finalized. Our investment goes unacknowledged. It explores beyond what it needed to, in a cruel manner. 10-Apr-2021

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Crapfun, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Funny, Hot Swatch, Magnetism, Mystery, Relationships, Romance, Star Watt, Suspense, Twisty, Weird, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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10-Apr-2021


Onward (2020) Arf

A beautifully crafted animation about unlocking traditional magic. Two brothers accidentally cast a spell that resurrects half of dad. No head or heart just crotch, ass, legs and feet. He profiles like a predator. It taps their shoes to announce to victims they've been found.

My version: boy triggers a spell that brings complete daddy back. If they want to keep him they have 24 hours to venture out and make it happen. They bond. They have beautiful memories and grand adventures without having to endure memorizing daddy's crotch and ass for 24 hours. Takeoff! Did cartoon daddy walk off the set in a huff? The filmmakers could not realize a finale for us. It was all hearsay. 08-Apr-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Camp, Cold, Comedy, Crapfun, Cultish, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Mystery, Predictable, Preposterous, Sentimental, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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08-Apr-2021


Deadly Illusions (2021) Whimper

Kristin Davis helms an asinine parent who hires a vibrant and stainless nanny to temporarily raise her children whilst she finishes her novel. With the children occupied, mama is able to walk the town freely, jump naked in the pool, smoke cigars, drink and get her labia lip smacked by a teenaged nanny. The sex isn't for exploration. It's cold and unimportant because the sex tease is an excuse to keep us interested and fooled. The nanny spends as much time with the kids as the parents. Where the fuck were those kids? Daddy exists to spill his juice and to pantomime what a real man looks like. It all culminates like "Fatal Attraction" trash with old daddy fighting for his life in a shower, wearing only a towel. Embarrassingly funny. 23-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Camp, Crapfun, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Gay Swatch, Lesbian, Mystery, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Revenge, Romance, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Weird, Wit Crack

Filed under: Movies

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23-Mar-2021


Candleshoe (1977) Arf

Juvenile delinquent gets kidnapped and trained to become an Anastasia for a needy wealthy matriarch. If the thieves can gain access to the house and decipher a code they become rich. Helen Hayes adds the sweet and gullible to a grandma that gets conned. Nivens is an adorable elegant servant and awarded a "squishy at any age" merit medal. Foster made it comfortable and joyful to watch her "cowboy up." No Disney princess makeovers for her. The caper is time-sensitive, the action is clunky but the babies gushed and direction allowed everyone the freedom to be who they were. 16-Mar-2021

Tags: 1970s, Action Fun, Camp, Chemistry, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Gay Swatch, Mystery, Sentimental, Silly, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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16-Mar-2021


Rental, The (2020) Arf

Renting a luxury home owned by white supremacists when there is a minority in the group. The cast met the challenge, relationships were established but the surprise was overdue. It doesn't make sense that it would choose this particular moment to explode. They simplified the monster to avoid an impact. Franco insanity make the colors more vibrant but the director's lack of mythology gave us no reason to care about it.

Next time, go nuts! 01-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Chemistry, Crapfun, Creepy, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Horror, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Mystery, Preposterous, Relationships, Star Watt, Suspense, Thriller, Vague, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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01-Mar-2021


Swiss Family Robinson (1960) Howl

Swiss family travel the high seas to claim new land and eco-trash it. Pirates attack their ship as they sleep, all the passengers jump to safety and nobody bothers to awaken them. Were they not liked? They were probably snooty. TG they left an animal farm, nails and enough ammo to kill an army. Shipwrecked. The Ewoks would have barked at the unrealism the family used to erect a tree palace but it's fun Disney magic. As they settle into tranquility the parents ponder the future of their three sons. The boys would inherit nothing without women to love lest they do the animals or worst, each other. A trans boy makes it onto the island and Cain and Abel are awakened to some sexual clarity. It's preposterously gorgeous, impossible, animalistic, adventurous, violent and joyous. 28-Feb-2021

Tags: 1960s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Beautiful, Best In Action, Best in Fantasy, Camp, Chemistry, Classic, Crapfun, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Heart Writ, History, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Mystery, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Relationships, Sentimental, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Tough, Twinkie, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

Filed under: Movies

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28-Feb-2021


Behind Her Eyes (2021-) Woof

The mini spells out the psychology of feminists and LGBTQs. 23-Feb-2021
Sexually electric and tediously mysterious with slam bam finalization. A gay man has equal right to employ trickery to nab the giant cis man of a woman's dream. 23-Feb-2021

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Mystery, Psychological, Suspense, Talk, Thriller, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight, Writ Tough

Filed under: TV

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23-Feb-2021


Space Sweepers (2021) Woof

The earth has become Mexico red. 5 percent of the privileged population safely inhabit space while governing the remaining 95% that will die with earth. Space sweepers clear space from waste. It's a competition. The team who swipes it first wins and gets paid. I got absorbed in its universal travelogue. I wanted to see more of dying earth and plastic earth but understood the budget restrictions. They concentrated on delivering a humane story against a space adventure. The robot is a human-like child set to detonate and cause a nuclear disaster on earth. She is the new cargo the Victory ship undertakes. They are afraid of her as they are enamored. It's done with cheeky humor, a team that kicked ass and a heart that saps with the wind. It doesn't hit your face in a glob. It spreads out so you can gently dab. Every representation spoke their language and it sounded musical and educational. The little girl was adorable and the action was Tony The Tiger. 18-Feb-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Adorable, Chemistry, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Gay Swatch, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Physical Humor, Sap, SciFi, Sentimental, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Touching, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

Filed under: Movies

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18-Feb-2021


Pete's Dragon (2016) Arf

This is the the corny one but not to death. Elliot is a majestic dragon with fur and radioactive green. It still acts like a dog but it's butchy. Slave boy becomes orphan boy after wandering off into the forest post a fatal family crash. He is adopted by Elliott, becomes Tarzan boy, lives with animals, lives like animals and acquires 6 years knowledge of the English language by reading the same baby book over and over. No. The dragon doesn't talk. He whimpers. I frown on animals talking but dragons don't exist so it's okay for them to talk when we need shit explained. Redford was enervating, Howard was luminous and Fegly imagined. Sweet and magical moments stand out. 16-Feb-2021

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Fantasy, Indecipherable, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Sap, Silly, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Timid, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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16-Feb-2021


Great, The (2020-) Howl

This is the gangster version of Bridgerton. Emperor Peter, not The Great (that was his father) marries an empty pocket princess (Catherine,) devirginizes her without proper fantasy protocol and improper rapey penetration and provokes a sexual political war. The emperor was a child playing with a power befitting its time and privy to men and offensive to everyone. Catherine wanted all of that. Nicholas Hoult's cunt is a fascinating watch. You don't want to fuck him but you kinda do until he does something disgusting again and then it's off which makes him curl into a ball and makes you want to hug him. Good job, dude. Elle Fanning owned her virginity as much as she flaunted it. Slutdom was the key to achieving a turn in power. The comedy is harsh, the actors are yum and the politics are like ours. 13-Feb-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Adorable, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director Art, Drama, Fun, Fun Acting, Funny, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Mystery, Political, Psychological, Relationships, Romance, Sentimental, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Tough, Twisty, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight, Writ Tough

Filed under: TV

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13-Feb-2021


Bedknobs And Broomsticks (1971) Howl

At the age of nine my gay aunt took me to see this film. It was my first time in an American Movie Theater. Of course mother took me to the theater but it had to be in Spanish and include softcore porn, party music and/or sadistic violence. I saw that shit everyday. I wanted magic.

A witch that needs one last spell to obliterate the Nazis. Awesome education for kids. Show them who the enemy is. Angela Lansbury weaved spells and lulled me soundly to sleep. Charming no-nonsense woman. The spells were clever, the effects maintained the innocence of the time and the magic was reestablished. The writers concocted fairytales from the jumble in kids' heads and made sense of them. The music, the production, the fun and great sportsmanship kept the gift alive. Thank you, Auntie. 08-Feb-2021

Tags: 1970s, Accidental Watch, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Adorable, Chemistry, Classic, Comedy, Crapfun, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Music Swings, Physical Humor, Political Satire, Suspense, Sweet, Tough, Twisty, War, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

Filed under: Movies

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08-Feb-2021


Finding Ohana (2021)  Arf

I never tire of looking at Hawaiian vistas and cultural beauty. Magic is a belief that you follow if you seek adventure over truth. The story may be chewing gum but the kids are hilarious. The caper, that song, the energy and those people, keep you watching. 03-Feb-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Conspiracy Theory, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Physical Humor, Preposterous, Relationships, Sentimental, Silly, Suspense, Sweet, Wit Crack, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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03-Feb-2021


Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999) Whimper

I went retro and revisited some films that weren't to my liking. If it weren't for Lucas magic this film would be one of the worst. The child. Poor thing. No training, no soul. I would have skipped to the Superboy years one second after the awesome pod race. Liam Neeson didn't seem taken by the force. The words meant nothing to him. It was a job. MacGregor's head moved stiffly and he looked like he cracked up before and after many line readings. Jar Jar Binks was created by party people with no exceeding limits. I watched him drunk and still found him annoying. Natalie Portman must have looked blankly at countless fake CGI things because she applied it to humans as well. The voice she inflected was cockamamie and infectious. Yoda isn't as cute as The Child. At all. Blathering old idiot. Robes don't flow in saber fights and future love relations are not impactful if one babysat the other. The director worked beyond the force. The fans publicly cheered while quietly sighing. Darth Maul was a pocket. It makes a good game but not a good film. 02-Feb-2021

Tags: 1990s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Experiment, Director Insanity, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Sort of, Grating, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Over the Top, Sap, SciFi, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Tedium, Timid, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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02-Feb-2021


Our Mother's House (1967) Arf

An abandoned mother of 7 dies leaving her kids to fend for themselves. She wills them her home, a little money, some deceit and a crazy long lost daddy. Daddy appears after many years of who cares to stir their hearts and a lot of trouble. The children rule and punish like the bible teaches them. They enshrine their mother, inhabit her spirit and pretend she has answers for them. These are some really fucked up people. It felt nostalgic visiting them but the suffering was hell. 31-Jan-2021

Tags: 1960s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Crapfun, Creepy, Cultural, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Music Swings, Mystery, Relationships, Star Watt, Suspense, Tough, Twisty, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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31-Jan-2021




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