All Posts Tagged as 'Sex'

Dear How to Do It,

I have been married to my wife for almost 20 years. It was a second marriage for both of us. A year into the marriage, I contracted an STD and found out she had it since her teens. At parties with her friends, I started hearing about how promiscuous she had been in her younger years, and I just accepted that it was before me. We have always had a real good sex life and discussed how great it has been, but now, she wants to practically stop having sex. I’m handsome, in great shape, and a very understanding and sensitive lover. She is still beautiful, attractive, and has no serious medical conditions. She explains that she had so much sex in her teens and early 20s that she can take it or leave it. In this case, it’s leaving it, and being the person who married her, I am now starting to pay a price for her early wild times. Is this a common rationale for writing off sex? I’m now convinced this may be a reason not to be so promiscuous in younger years.

—Horny History

Dear Amy: My wife and I have been happily married for over 20 years. We have a question about how to handle an issue with some friends of ours. “Jake” is 56 and “Lucy” is 52. My wife and I are 50 and 53.

Both Jake and Lucy are getting divorced after having been married to their exes for over 25 years each. (Jake had a very poor sex life during his marriage.)

Jake and Lucy have been dating for a couple of months now. They are very into each other. My wife and I think this is great, but we are both uncomfortable with their behavior.

Another problem is that they are all over each other like slutty teenagers in public. It gets even worse when the four of us are hanging out in our backyard.

We totally support public displays of affection when done with class, but we draw the line at borderline sex acts in our kitchen right in front of us — when the four of us are conversing over a bottle of wine. PDAs should always be classy, and not gross and slutty.

Do you have any advice on how to politely ask Jake and Lucy to cut out the pornography and set some limits on what are appropriate actions when they are together in our presence?

Blinded by the Sight

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a fortysomething woman and have been with my partner for about eight years. Though I love him tremendously, our sex life has some struggles. The biggest issue we have is that depending on the time of the month, my vaginal lubrication level can be excessive. So excessive that we have to stop and dry off in order to continue. Sometimes he’ll lose his erection all together because he can’t get traction. To make matters worse, he refuses to perform oral sex because he says he’ll “drown.” I resent this especially because I not only enjoy giving him oral, but have made several concessions to make sex more enjoyable for him including learning to tolerate and eventually enjoy anal sex, which he loves. My partner’s penis is an average size when it’s fully erect, and I very rarely have an issue with climaxing. He, on the other hand only seems to be able to climax in one position, doggy style. No matter how we start, typically with me on top or missionary, we end with me on my knees. I’m open to the idea of double penetration with toys but am not sure where to start or how to bring it up. To be clear, this has never really been an issue in past relationships. I have had men say I’m very wet, but it hasn’t had the same impact on my sex life until now. I’m afraid that if this continues, my resentment regarding oral will get worse, and I fear that I will get bored with always having sex in the same positions. I’ve asked my doctors about the excessive lubrication, but I always get blown off because it is the opposite problem most women my age face, and worse yet, they tell me I should consider myself lucky! Any suggestions?

—WAP

The coronavirus pandemic and the anxieties it’s triggered have pretty much stolen my mojo. But pre-pandemic, evening sex, post-dinner and drinks, was absolutely my jam. My partner, on the other hand, was always more down to bone morning or night. I’ve been pondering the cause of my erstwhile evening horniness, and why the time of day didn’t matter as much for my partner. My bigger question: What determines whether you’re horny in the morning or at night?

Anyone who has — or had — a toddler knows that sometimes they cause you to have to say some very, very strange things.

1. "We don’t put stuff in our butt — it’s not a pocket." (It is for uncle.)

4. "Today I said, 'We do not shove chicken legs in our crotch.'" (Is the gardener extra friendly?)

6. "No, you can't take the lettuce to bed with you." "He was 4 at the time, and the head of lettuce was his new best friend." (No it wasn't. His face was planted in the grass so many times while some asshole molested him that he had to hold on to something. Lettuce feels like grass.)

Worst parents ever! Your children are being abused while you keep waiting for signs from experts that have never resolved anything useful in their entire lives.

A Love Island USA star Noah Purvis has been removed from the show after social media users discovered that he was previously a gay porn actor.

Purvis disappeared from the US edition of the popular matchmaking reality television series just days after he first appeared on the show.

Purvis joined CBS’ Love Island USA on 17 September alongside Bennett Sipes and Benni Bivens – but just days later, he was nowhere to be seen.

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a 36-year-old single straight woman, and I really didn’t think this was going to be an issue until later in life. I’m a very sexual person (just reading about sex in your column is enough to turn me on) and I’d like to get married one day, but for the past few years, I haven’t even been able to manage halfway decent sex, much less great sex or a relationship. The problem I keep experiencing in the dating world is the same: men with all kinds of erection issues.

The most recent guy could get hard but would lose it after a few thrusts, saying sex doesn’t do it for him these days (he preferred mutual masturbation or blow jobs). Guy No. 2 was good in bed but refused any touching outside of that 20 minutes. Guy No. 3 required 20 minutes of me going down on his flaccid penis before possibly getting hard enough to have intercourse for three minutes (most of the time, he wouldn’t get hard at all). Guy No. 4 hadn’t had sex in years so he’d either come in 30 seconds or he’d stick it in and barely move so he could last five minutes (I could have worked with him sexually, but we broke up for other reasons). Guy No. 5 completely ignored his problem, continuing to thrust even after I told him he was soft (I suspect he had a porn addiction).

The list goes on. I’ve barely had any good sex in the past six years. I don’t know what to do. These guys are all my age or younger. I try to be patient and understanding, asking if there’s something they’d like me to do or offering up a menu of things they might like, but most just shrug awkwardly and avoid talking about it. None of them sound like they’ve made any effort to get help. I get that it can be embarrassing and men might feel ashamed, but these guys keep cropping up in my dating pool. I can orgasm on my own, but I crave and miss sex, and I know I wouldn’t be happy in a relationship without it. So I’m stuck in a lonely, sexually frustrated land and I can’t get out. Any suggestions?

—Elusive Wood

We all know the "Hokie Pokie." Right? "You put your right fight in, you take your right foot out" ... you know it. Well singer John Duff has turned it into a much more adult earworm that has us already missing summer days.

"The world could use some joy right now," Duff said in a statement about the new track and video. "As a collective, we are experiencing the darkest and most confusing times any of us have faced. I think now is as good a time as ever to indulge in fantasy. As Jesus once told me — it’s not that serious." Not that serious indeed!

It’s a lesson in reading, writing and reefer.

Florida moms and dads have been spotted smoking weed, drinking and walking around half-naked in the background of their kids’ online classes, frustrated teachers said at a school board meeting.

“Parents, please make sure that you have on proper clothing when you are walking behind your child’s computer because we’ve seen them in their drawers, their bras, and everything else,” Boca Raton Elementary teacher Edith Pride vented Wednesday, according to KATV.

According to federal authorities, Harris allegedly contacted an underage boy on social media and repeatedly enticed him to make sexually explicit videos and photographs of himself and send them to Harris. The victim in the case allegedly informed Harris during the initial online encounter that he was 13 years old, the complaint states.

In addition to the criminal charge, a lawsuit was also filed against Harris and three cheer organizations by the mother of twin boys in Texas for alleged sex crimes. It appears the victim in the criminal case is one of the two victims from the civil case.

Earlier this year, Gillum was found inebriated and vomiting in a Miami Beach hotel room with two other men and what officers believed was crystal meth. One of the other men – who was identified in the media as a sex worker – overdosed in the hotel room.

Gillum, who has three kids with his wife R. Jai Gillum, came out officially in an interview with Tamron Hall, saying “I don’t identify as gay but I do identify as bisexual. And that is something that I’ve never shared publicly before.”

The Gillums said that Andrew had been honest with his wife about his sexuality and that she knew he is bisexual before they were married.

After Democratic politician Andrew Gillum came out as bisexual a few months after a sordid sex scandal, Hughley did the expected. He punched down.

“So when #ANDREWGILLUM came out as bi-sexual [sic] yesterday! Is that considered halfway outa the closest? [sic],” he tweeted with the hashtag #TeamDL, a vanity tag that Hughley uses to increase social engagement.

Dear How to Do It,

My wife and I have been married 14 years and together for 17. We have a pretty strong relationship after a period of stagnation. With raising kids, both of our careers, and all the activities, we found ourselves drained. We have in the last few years refocused on us and our desires and our sex life, intimacy, and our togetherness has grown and reignited.

In this time, my wife has expressed her desire for a kinkier sex life. She kept it to herself all those years (thank you, religion!), her desire for light BDSM (blindfolds, being restrained), and also her desire to be filled and stretched by big dildos. We have explored this. I wasn’t really on board at first, but she was patient with me, and I’ve become accepting of participating and inviting in those things and ideas that give her pleasure. But when it turns back to me, I have one recurring fantasy and I am very reluctant to share it with her. Scared might be a better word. She has always been blessed with a gorgeous body that is beautiful, curvy, and full. I adore her. I adore and crave her body. But I I have this fantasy and curiosity of what it would be like to have sex with a woman who is thin. My wife’s weight limits what we do, position-wise, so she is comfortable. And I am on board with that. We do have fun. But I wonder and fantasize about what it would be like to be more athletic with a partner. To be able to lift her. Or have her on top of me light as a feather. We have had conversations along these lines relating to penis size. She craves the feeling a big dildo gives her, and I’m average. But the last thing I want to do is engage in any form of body shame with her. I love her body. I show her I love her and her body. I also am curious about smaller bodies. What would it be like? We are each other’s only partners.

Do you have any advice for how to explore this together with each other and in a way that is loving and caring for her while also honoring my fantasy? Or with the delicacy of body shame, am I best to keep this one tucked away? With the dildos, I have had to work through shame about my size. It was hard at first. It’s getting easier as we move forward. I see that she enjoys that feeling of the toy and also enjoys me. It isn’t one or the other. She reminds me that she likes what she likes—she likes both. Me and big dildos. I enjoy having sex with her. I’m just curious if there are any creative ways to explore this fantasy with her in a caring way. To be clear, I don’t want to open things up. This is not a backdoor plea to do that. We talked about nonmonogamy as an option for her large dildo/cock desire. She wanted to open up, and I did not. After playing with the toys and role-playing, we concluded monogamy is for us as the toys, plus my presence and care, satisfy her desire to feel full. She asks what I fantasize about and desire. If I’m being honest, this is it—sex with a different-shape body. But sharing this seems very precarious, and I do not want to hurt or shame her in any way.

—Thin Man

More individuals have come out to share their stories of Erick Morillo’s alleged sexual abuse over the past few decades. In a new Mixmag report, 10 different individuals share accounts of alleged sexual misconduct, harassment and even rape by Erick Morillo.

Rosie* was on the terrace at Cafe Mambo Ibiza when she noticed a friend of a friend standing nearby who looked upset. The young woman told Rosie that she was in Ibiza on holidays, visiting a friend who lived there. Rosie asked her if she wanted to talk. They stepped aside and the girl revealed that Erick Morillo had assaulted her at his villa earlier that morning. “She was just shaking, she said, ‘I don't know what happened to me. I woke up, naked and he was there and I don't know what I've done but I think I feel strange down there.’ She had no memory whatsoever so it must have been like GHB or he drugged her or something, she felt like shit,” Rosie says. “But she definitely hadn’t gotten there with the intention of sleeping with him.” Rosie says she understands why the woman didn’t want to report the rape. “She said, ‘What do I say? I can't really remember anything. All I can tell them is I've woken up naked, and he's next to me naked. I can't prove anything, no one will believe me.’ The conversation wasn't that long because she was SO stressed out,” Rosie says. “And we were quite young, maybe early 20s.”

“At the time I'm thinking, oh God, you know, I’ll take her down to the Guardia Civil [Spanish police] and translate, because I speak Spanish, but I couldn't obviously force her and I know...I've been through something like that myself.”

Rosie says that the girl’s account of her experience was “very, very similar” to that of the woman who laid rape charges against Morillo last December. “It was almost identical,” she says.