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Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) Bites

Patty Jenkins went on a shopping spree with the film's budget. Did she leave it home? It opens with a baby Diana discovering clever ways to somersault at the White Female Olympics. She's unbearable, I mean unbeatable even as a child. There should have been a lot of irony in a woman raised to best everyone, even in goodness. Years of not belonging in the world would have brought her detachment from it. Everything you hate about the movies is in this one. The older maidens are given minimal time. They didn't study their accents. Cheetah might have been intriguing as a black character with white superiority issues. Pedro Pascal left his guts on the floor while Ms. Jenkins took a nap. Gadot needed to wear some of the tear in Wonder Woman's battle history to find her strength.

Patty Jenkins killed Wonder Woman. 14-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Brutal, Camp, Comic Book, Corn, Dialogue Lament, Director Experiment, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Inactivity, Over the Top, Political, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Romance, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Timid, Trashy, TV-like, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Writer Humiliation

Filed under: Movies

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14-May-2021


Jupiter's Legacy (2021) WoofDowngrade

SE5. I'm not done yet. They talk a lot. I wander then I rewind to listen that they are griping about the same depressing shit as last episode. Did Hollywood run out of realistic looking hair or are lousy wiggers not fireable? "Give Daddy the homeless wig." Daddy's hair drips and droops and looks exactly like that. The cast is jelling but the story needs some mushrooms. 14-May-2021
A great pastiche of superhero adventures and the miserable lives it processes. It's familiar, obliterating and fun. 09-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Amiable, Camp, Chemistry, Comic Book, Corn, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Hot Swatch, Kool Effects, Relationships, Repetitive, Star Power, Star Watt, Twinkie, Wig Crack, Words Spoke

Filed under: TV

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14-May-2021


Elizabeth Harvest (2018) Whimper

Mad genius harvests wife until she gets it right. Ciaran Hinds does as he looks with no surprises. A better intro to Elizabeth's beginnings might have given the character depth because in the present, she's a dope. Carla Gugino wasted her brilliant cream and Matthew Beard creeped me out. The process of thinking is so wasteful. 14-May-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Depressing, Disappointment, Fatigue, Horror, Mystery, Relationships, Slow, Star Watt, Weird, Wit Crack, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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14-May-2021


Married At First Sight (2014-) Howl

Some contestants remained homeless. Dr. Pep stared at Dr. Viv with the same dread as a cat. There is no cure for bossy. 13-May-2021
Contract negotiations are up and the married strangers have to decide if the extra money is worth faking it for another year. Brown Robin & Hillbilly Starfire. I have no idea what he's saying and somebody needs to check her pilot light. Briana & Vincent. I knew he hated her. He wants a wife that will keep him company, light his stove and cook some delicious pork, not a congressional candidate. Why did she make him apologize for having a sexual preference but she couldn't return the courtesy for being bossy? Bossy is not attractive or empowering. They cancel people for that. See Leah Michelle. If he needs to change, she needs to change or some pork bitch is gonna steal him. Oops. He had his vengeance. He fucked up her hair! Haley & Jacob. The production offered her a lot of money and she is homeless. The dinner found them wanting to smirk, giggle and compare how much each received in contract negotiations. They couldn't even fake it. Virginia & Erik. The individuals were asked scripted questions by their very stiff friends except for Erik's daughter. Her sleepover pal (wink, wink) cowboy'd up, gave her a nod and asked "how much we gettin'?" Father is bossy too but children need enforcement so they don't grow up bossy. 29-Apr-2021
Virginia & Erik. Daddy was astounded that his cheating wife doesn't like surprises. The cats. Dude, speak to Doctor Viviana. She knows how to secretly get rid of cats. Briana & Vincent. Squish squirmed when his wife admitted to thieving. Did he marry a thug? The horse. Latin men think that if they fall off a horse, the horse will try to fuck them. Haley & Jacob. Haley didn't care that she and her partner knew all the game answers about each other, she was still punishing him for being a bad fuck. When daddy Rio drank from the trophy cup I wanted to bear Haley's burden. Oy. Brown Robin and Hillbilly Starfire made it to the retreat. The secret to a rotund butt is to eat lots of chips with dip and never stick your dick in a vagina. 15-Apr-2021

Tags: 2010s, 2020s, Chemistry, Comedy, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Drama, Funny, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Reality, Relationships, Scary, Shrill Act, Wit Crack, Wit Snit

Filed under: TV

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13-May-2021


Bob Hearts Abishola (2019-) Woof

The only actors doing Wakandans right. 11-May-2021
Is it improper for me to say that I wish someone else would love Abishola? 31-Mar-2020
The leads do not align, Bob's family grates and reverse hate is not progressive. 08-Nov-2019
Exploring multi-cultural attitudes to life problems is interesting. The black characters sparkle but their counterparts appear like unwanted houseguests. I'm sure good writing can fix that. (I liked it.) 25-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Cultural, Disappointment, Discomfort, Drama, Fun, Funny, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Nostalgic, Relationships, Romance, Sentimental, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Sweet, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

Filed under: TV

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11-May-2021


Below Deck: Sailing Yacht (2020-) ArfUpgradeWoof

No critique. I felt like I was watching a special episode of Baywatch or worst, Flipper and took pity on them. 11-May-2021
Daisy was murdered and it had nothing to do with Natasha. Captain Pop was as befuddled by Daisy's lame attempt at a Murder Mystery Dinner as we were. He looked like the only adult at a kids' table. He should have been included somehow. It's not befitting a captain to appear lost. There are so many excellent swimmers on staff. Why didn't one of the crew get pushed overboard? It would have been dramatic. The giant saved the day then got disgusted when his chiquita showed interest in Alli's labia. The Chucky of the Sea tried to give Sydney a rise by making out with Alli like she was Sofia the First. Sydney got her revenge by informing the viewers how inadequate the Chuck is in bed. 03-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Drama, Fatigue, Overcooked, Reality, Relationships, Showy, Shrill Act, Travel, Writer's Peak

Filed under: TV

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11-May-2021


 

Tags: Future, Gif, Relationships, Training

Filed under: Gay+

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11-May-2021


Housemaid, The (2010) Woof

Shuttered young woman accepts a job caring for a very well established family. Wife is made of plastic things and pregnant with twins. She believes her silent brute won't cheat on her because she's the perfect wife having miracle twins. "A man does not cheat on perfection." That is her motto and her curse. The eldest child is a delightful package. She is brave to say what's on her mind and sorry if it offends. A matriarch of servitude is the expert of the house, teaching the young woman how back breaking and useless it is making rich people happy. She is Mrs. Danvers, respectfully. Plotting, conniving, avenging, infiltrating and non-stop hurting to become like part of the family. Daddy is a self-absorbed god. Maid is a sexual magnet. An imperfect powerless naif to be completely his. The mother of the house is an awesome witch ready to set fire to anything that brings shame to their name. The scandal turns ingratiating maid into a hostile. The women cancel her for breaching family code... " you don't steal sperm from family gods that you are serving without asking the women first. Revenge is awesome. 10-May-2021

Tags: 2010s, Chemistry, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Elegance, Foreign, Funny, Sort of, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Magnetism, Music Swings, Relationships, Revenge, Romance, Scary, Sexy, Star Watt, Subtle, Suspense, Sweet, Thriller, Twisty, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

Filed under: Movies

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10-May-2021


 

Why did Bobby Brady from The Brady Bunch see rockets and firecrackers when he fell in love? I was a cute idiot twink picked up by an interesting man who looked exactly like William Hurt with a curly wig and a height difference. It wasn't him but the dude was still pretending to be someone. I wanted to fuck and get it over with. I didn't want to give him reasons to kill me. I kept all answers "interview" level. Everything about daddy was nice. Nothing spectacular but very pleasant. This will be a quick release. He starts banging and all is quite pleasing. It was a rainy afternoon fuck between two strangers. Nice. The climax was a buildup. Things were happening. I was giving him things that didn't belong to him. I start convulsing and begin to see stars, firecrackers and colored lightning. Who is this fake William Hurt motherfucker? It was a feeling I expected from someone more intimate. Is he from space? I wanted to snatch that wig and unmask him but I was embarrassed for feeling like the only vagina in New York cumming at that moment. It was fucking fantastic! If I hadn't already been happily married, I would have let him stalk me. 09-May-2021

Tags: Dating, Gay, Gay101, History, Myself, Relationships

Filed under: Wisps

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09-May-2021


Dear Prudence, 

 

I’m 27, and my mom and I grew up very close. It was often just me and her. I’ve supported myself since graduating college, and she now lives about 25 miles away. In the past few years, she has started escalating simple questions into situations she can control. For example, once I asked if she had any jumper cables she could lend me to jump my partner’s car battery. She told me she was calling a tow truck to take his car to a mechanic. She assumed the car would be unsalvageable, so she was also booking a rental.

Another time, I asked her for the title of a book she’d mentioned a while ago, and she said she was ordering a copy of it to my house. Whenever she does this, I try to calmly tell her to stop, since that’s not what I asked her for, and (in some cases, like the car) not her place. She usually doesn’t listen. Then I get flustered and end up repeating myself with less eloquence and more distress. Then she ends up crying, saying that she knows more than me, that I’m being unreasonable, and it’s “mean” to reject her help. When things cool down, I apologize, try to explain why I rejected her plans or “favors,” and ask her to please take things I ask for or about at face value. Then she just says that I’m wrong and insists on further apology and empathy for her. I don’t know how to stop this beyond never asking her for anything, even the title of a book, ever again. How do I break this pattern?

—Above and Beyond and Overboard

Dear...

Tags: Advice, Mental Health, Misconduct, Parenting, Protections, Psychology, Punishment, Relationships, Threat, Training, Treatment

Filed under: Health/Food

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09-May-2021


Summer House (2017-) WhimperUpgradeArf

Reunion 2. The Hannah/Kyle dispute was tucked away. Kyle is the middle aged version of her fiancee and the man of her wet dreams. Carl's hands spoke and touched everyone. He did the giant thing and they swooned. Lindsay spoke like a man and got appreciation. Luke smashed Hannah's face in the jelly jar and brought down the fourth wall of reality TV. The host pretended minimally to scoop it up. "No. Really. It's not, we're not, I'm not, none of us are... fake. Really." 08-May-2021
Reunion. Hannah cried at every word rhyming with Luke and puked at every reference to Kyle. Kyle busted his rubber bands and walked out. Luke is still apologizing for being horny. Host did not offer Carl's giant hands their own seat or their own questions. 30-Apr-2021
I had a doll like Kyle once. He was blonde, four feet tall with rippling muscles, and a thong. He could pop rubber bands with his biceps. I had my seven foot black GI Joe fuck the shit out of him every day. My mother noticed the cum stains on Kyle and made him disappear. Something akin to how Hannah feels. She admired him in the toy store window when she was a tot but her mother wouldn't buy him for her. Shush, honey, that's only for boys. She can't get her hands on him. He's so disgustingly dominant for a little dick. I want him! No, I don't! Luke what? If I were Ciara I would have gotten Carl fucked up, up my dress and convulsing to his giant hands by now. Next morning. Car screeches away. Who was that? Carl. He had business to take care of. Really? Lindsay. Not being self-conscious of what she's doing makes her a really bad actress. Happy married with children! 23-Apr-2021
Stephen found out the hard way that there is no pleasing a woman. Dude, they're cocaine and we're weed. Wear them out. 05-Feb-2021

Tags: 2010s, Camp, Cliche, Fake, Fatigue, Fun Acting, Funny, Gay Swatch, Incomprehensible, Juvenile, Overcooked, Reality, Relationships, Shrill Act, Tacky, Weird

Filed under: TV

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09-May-2021


Outside - Tender 

Tonight, Its You

Tags: Drugs, Gay, Hot Swatch, LGBTQ, Mystery, Nudity, Psychological, Reinterpreted, Relationships, Respect, Re-tooled, Sexually Suggestive, Tribute, Video Gay Swatch

Filed under: Music

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08-May-2021


 

Sex experts Dan Savage and Esther Perel explain why people cheat on their partners

The only men that don't cheat are the ones with mental or physical diseases, they can't, they shouldn't and or don't move. Otherwise, have your pick, ladies!... and gentlemen.

(My mother picked wisely. He's stupid, well-hung and able to work. See pic above. Welcome back, buddy!) 07-May-2021

Tags: Parenting 101, Parody, Relationships

Filed under: Wisps

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07-May-2021


 

Tags: Black, Blonde, Bulge, Daddy Squish, Fantasy, Interracial, Jock, Massle, Mat, Muscle, Parody, Relationships, Ripped, Tits, Undies

Filed under: Photos_(NSFW)

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06-May-2021


Mitchells vs The Machines, The (2021) Whimper

Teen lesbian leaving for school has her life upended when Siri takes over the world and her dorky family is in charge of saving it. The adventures rely on coincidence, loud family squabbles, pet abuse, girl empowerment, gay robots and swirly pops to the brain. The voices don't humanize or endear themselves to us. Does Michael Rianda really think that he sounds like a cute little boy? It ends like every new animation whose heart beats like a girl. Go, girls! Do whatever the fuck you want! 06-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Action Stomper, Cold, Comedy, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, SciFi, Shrill Act, Timid, Too Long, Unfunny, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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06-May-2021




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