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Jupiter's Legacy (2021) WoofDowngrade

SE5. I'm not done yet. They talk a lot. I wander then I rewind to listen that they are griping about the same depressing shit as last episode. Did Hollywood run out of realistic looking hair or are lousy wiggers not fireable? "Give Daddy the homeless wig." Daddy's hair drips and droops and looks exactly like that. The cast is jelling but the story needs some mushrooms. 14-May-2021
A great pastiche of superhero adventures and the miserable lives it processes. It's familiar, obliterating and fun. 09-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Amiable, Camp, Chemistry, Comic Book, Corn, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Hot Swatch, Kool Effects, Relationships, Repetitive, Star Power, Star Watt, Twinkie, Wig Crack, Words Spoke

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14-May-2021


Married At First Sight (2014-) Howl

Some contestants remained homeless. Dr. Pep stared at Dr. Viv with the same dread as a cat. There is no cure for bossy. 13-May-2021
Contract negotiations are up and the married strangers have to decide if the extra money is worth faking it for another year. Brown Robin & Hillbilly Starfire. I have no idea what he's saying and somebody needs to check her pilot light. Briana & Vincent. I knew he hated her. He wants a wife that will keep him company, light his stove and cook some delicious pork, not a congressional candidate. Why did she make him apologize for having a sexual preference but she couldn't return the courtesy for being bossy? Bossy is not attractive or empowering. They cancel people for that. See Leah Michelle. If he needs to change, she needs to change or some pork bitch is gonna steal him. Oops. He had his vengeance. He fucked up her hair! Haley & Jacob. The production offered her a lot of money and she is homeless. The dinner found them wanting to smirk, giggle and compare how much each received in contract negotiations. They couldn't even fake it. Virginia & Erik. The individuals were asked scripted questions by their very stiff friends except for Erik's daughter. Her sleepover pal (wink, wink) cowboy'd up, gave her a nod and asked "how much we gettin'?" Father is bossy too but children need enforcement so they don't grow up bossy. 29-Apr-2021
Virginia & Erik. Daddy was astounded that his cheating wife doesn't like surprises. The cats. Dude, speak to Doctor Viviana. She knows how to secretly get rid of cats. Briana & Vincent. Squish squirmed when his wife admitted to thieving. Did he marry a thug? The horse. Latin men think that if they fall off a horse, the horse will try to fuck them. Haley & Jacob. Haley didn't care that she and her partner knew all the game answers about each other, she was still punishing him for being a bad fuck. When daddy Rio drank from the trophy cup I wanted to bear Haley's burden. Oy. Brown Robin and Hillbilly Starfire made it to the retreat. The secret to a rotund butt is to eat lots of chips with dip and never stick your dick in a vagina. 15-Apr-2021

Tags: 2010s, 2020s, Chemistry, Comedy, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Drama, Funny, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Reality, Relationships, Scary, Shrill Act, Wit Crack, Wit Snit

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13-May-2021


Bob Hearts Abishola (2019-) Woof

The only actors doing Wakandans right. 11-May-2021
Is it improper for me to say that I wish someone else would love Abishola? 31-Mar-2020
The leads do not align, Bob's family grates and reverse hate is not progressive. 08-Nov-2019
Exploring multi-cultural attitudes to life problems is interesting. The black characters sparkle but their counterparts appear like unwanted houseguests. I'm sure good writing can fix that. (I liked it.) 25-Sep-2019

Tags: 2010s, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Cultural, Disappointment, Discomfort, Drama, Fun, Funny, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Nostalgic, Relationships, Romance, Sentimental, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Sweet, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

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11-May-2021


Below Deck: Sailing Yacht (2020-) ArfUpgradeWoof

No critique. I felt like I was watching a special episode of Baywatch or worst, Flipper and took pity on them. 11-May-2021
Daisy was murdered and it had nothing to do with Natasha. Captain Pop was as befuddled by Daisy's lame attempt at a Murder Mystery Dinner as we were. He looked like the only adult at a kids' table. He should have been included somehow. It's not befitting a captain to appear lost. There are so many excellent swimmers on staff. Why didn't one of the crew get pushed overboard? It would have been dramatic. The giant saved the day then got disgusted when his chiquita showed interest in Alli's labia. The Chucky of the Sea tried to give Sydney a rise by making out with Alli like she was Sofia the First. Sydney got her revenge by informing the viewers how inadequate the Chuck is in bed. 03-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Drama, Fatigue, Overcooked, Reality, Relationships, Showy, Shrill Act, Travel, Writer's Peak

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11-May-2021


Summer House (2017-) WhimperUpgradeArf

Reunion 2. The Hannah/Kyle dispute was tucked away. Kyle is the middle aged version of her fiancee and the man of her wet dreams. Carl's hands spoke and touched everyone. He did the giant thing and they swooned. Lindsay spoke like a man and got appreciation. Luke smashed Hannah's face in the jelly jar and brought down the fourth wall of reality TV. The host pretended minimally to scoop it up. "No. Really. It's not, we're not, I'm not, none of us are... fake. Really." 08-May-2021
Reunion. Hannah cried at every word rhyming with Luke and puked at every reference to Kyle. Kyle busted his rubber bands and walked out. Luke is still apologizing for being horny. Host did not offer Carl's giant hands their own seat or their own questions. 30-Apr-2021
I had a doll like Kyle once. He was blonde, four feet tall with rippling muscles, and a thong. He could pop rubber bands with his biceps. I had my seven foot black GI Joe fuck the shit out of him every day. My mother noticed the cum stains on Kyle and made him disappear. Something akin to how Hannah feels. She admired him in the toy store window when she was a tot but her mother wouldn't buy him for her. Shush, honey, that's only for boys. She can't get her hands on him. He's so disgustingly dominant for a little dick. I want him! No, I don't! Luke what? If I were Ciara I would have gotten Carl fucked up, up my dress and convulsing to his giant hands by now. Next morning. Car screeches away. Who was that? Carl. He had business to take care of. Really? Lindsay. Not being self-conscious of what she's doing makes her a really bad actress. Happy married with children! 23-Apr-2021
Stephen found out the hard way that there is no pleasing a woman. Dude, they're cocaine and we're weed. Wear them out. 05-Feb-2021

Tags: 2010s, Camp, Cliche, Fake, Fatigue, Fun Acting, Funny, Gay Swatch, Incomprehensible, Juvenile, Overcooked, Reality, Relationships, Shrill Act, Tacky, Weird

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09-May-2021


Once Upon A Mattress (2005) Woof

Incestuous queen bequeaths that all her son's prospects be put to an impossible test if they want to marry him. No one in the kingdom is allowed to marry unless he does. Princess Tracey Ullman is onboard to annoy the crap out of Queen Carol Burnett and to outmatch her. Ms. Burnett is a cinch as a dastardly queen prone to fantastic outfits and high performance energy. Ms. Ullman has a lot of everything. Zoey Deschanel was a fitting bubble princess that plotted to make sure the new princess passed the test so she can get married to Mr. Schue. A baby Matthew Morrison plays the delicious asshole prince, except cuter. He is tasked with making everything happen. Carol gets her moment as does Tracey and others but the score sucked. It was gibberish. The performers never stopped, though. Effort and memories resound. 07-May-2021

Tags: 2000s, Accidental Watch, Adorable, Amiable, Camp, Chemistry, Crapfun, Director's Touch, Drama, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Fun, Fun Acting, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Looking Art, Hot Swatch, Musical, Sentimental, Star Power, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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07-May-2021


Temptation Island (2019-) Arf

The series encourages eating from the forbidden fruit so when the lovers reunite they can be put on trial. The prettiest boy in the world is a conniving robot with missing essential parts. That girl DID NOT sleep with him! (Cue the video.) Dude, start experimenting with your pink hole. Gay and porn will provide you with a home and some play money. Erika & Kendal. Daddy Walberg did not let Kendal out of his seat until his dick was deep fried. Chelsea & Thomas. Thomas sat quietly as Daddy Walberg paraded all the better options his girlfriend has but later went backstage and pulled his hair out. It was growing in well too. Kristen & Julian. As flat as the pages of a fairytale that will never see publishing. We don't read Shakespeare but we talk like this? In cliche's? Of course, the cheater didn't cheat while on Temptation Island. He no like that kind of candy. 29-Apr-2021
It's been a downcast season. I still want to sit on Mark Walberg, tweek his teets, burn into his baby blues while he provides psychological therapy and I rock up and down. Chelsea & Thomas. He promised his hair treatments would grow real hair in an allotted set of time and failed. She met someone whose plugs are finished, can lift things and doesn't shed. Erica & Kendal. She can punish him however she wants. He thought the purpose of the show was to go on a Fantasy Island type honeymoon and shoot some porn. Awesome, right? Honey, the court will look the other way. Anything you want. Erin & Corey. The most beautiful boy in the world and man's most popular choice. You want to lick his faults like ice cream but he's a pendejo. Yeah, we'll lick a pendejo, but he aint going to taste like ice cream for very long. The show paid a sex worker to tell him that what his willy can't accomplish his pretty face can. Rah, rah, rah...only if he joins our team as a super bottom. Viva Mexico! Kristen & Julian. Fake and shriveled up. Tempters get no empathy. Someone asked them if they wanted to go on TV and destroy some relationships and they said yes. Homeless deviants! 22-Apr-2021
The temptation is mighty man boobs. 21-Jan-2019

Tags: 2010s, Accident Watch, Camp, Cooking, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Drama, Home Improvement, Hot Swatch, Mean Spirited, Mystery, Overcooked, Political, Predictable, Pretty, Romance, Sap, Shrill Act, Silly, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Tacky, Twisty, Unity, Us, Weird

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29-Apr-2021


Below Deck: Sailing Yacht (2020-) ArfUpgradeWoof

Daisy's wish that brown girl would fail at everything was overridden by juju food seasoned to perfection that caused outbursts of joyful magical sensations. Daisy needed to check her own department. They left Captain Pop without any clean black sexy underwear. Are they nuts?! The citizen application seemed very disappointed that the giant fit. What does that mean? The tip of my baby finger is snug... that means he's...2. Two Feet? Would I have pointed it out if it was 2 feet? Oh shit. I would but in a different manner. The fairytale crushing Bizarro fuck accounts for her sudden flow of tears and romantic reminiscing. She will never be as good as this. Might as well fuck with this clown. The boat is full of juju and the seƱorita has a few powders of her own. (Is it the cement my mother prescribed to my best friend to make her husband think she was a virgin again?) Whatever brings her closer to opportunity. She meant home. She wants to give back. You can't have it all. Gary is a shag monster! Glistening soft drunks are the new swag. I asked him to lick me upside down and he did! You don't let guests dehydrate, especially nice ones. Giants tumble. 27-Apr-2021
Natasha told Daisy to "kiss off" by turning her food into art. Giants consume, peek and hibernate. Everyone wants a shot at Gary, his cheeky sensibility and spotless ass. I'm sure it slides right in. (Sorry, "man brain" on.) They spent a lot of time being defensive about smokers. Smokers separate as a courtesy to everyone and to bond with other smokers. So the fucking what. Everyone else wasted time obsessing over the idea that a human can do that. Sydney qualifies as a "pyscho sexual slut" who's gonna kill to get her man.

(Oops, "man brain" again. "I'm really trying, mama. Please don't hurt me!") 20-Apr-2021
Blame it all on Natasha. 15-Apr-2021
Captain Pop has the chill to relax and the stern to discipline. Ahoy. The gay charter were dressed in "red alerts." The Penguin threatened his pet Pugsley with the fat farm if he didn't stop eating after getting home. Ouch. Ok, then. Maybe the reason the boy devours food is because the family keeps turning meals into parties to avoid emotions. The marriage proposal to his daughter's boyfriend was cold, cruel and deserving. They appeared to seal a contract. It's a probability that the daughter is still with the boyfriend and faking it for their betterment or Penguin thought he could steal a good fuck for himself. Daughter stopped eating and drowned her woes in alcohol after the engagement and threw up. "You parental-privileged, fish-eating, fat shaming, climate swallowing, child torturing, slave driving, vagina-hating and inappropriate froth." 07-Apr-2021
A woman's kryptonite is a horny man whispering momentary sweet nothings in her ear. A man's kryptonite is his dick. The crew spins the bottle and force strangers to kiss. Decadent. A decent charter gets eclipsed by out of bound cliches. A gay father married to his daughter's ex, children with permanent scowls on their faces and exes riding the money trail onboard to poison the atmosphere. They sexually harassed a woman's giant, nose sniffed privilege and dick shrank perversion. Where's the progress? 29-May-2020

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Drama, Fatigue, Overcooked, Reality, Relationships, Showy, Shrill Act, Travel

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27-Apr-2021


Cruel Summer (2021-) Woof

Nerdy determination transforms into popular slut by befriending her rival, bestie's friends and boyfriend and dumping her dork tribe. Things go awry when rival goes missing. Politics are assigned as soon as the first secret spills and everyone chooses sides. They all feel guilty but only one is culpable. Our protagonist is cancelled and disciplined to wear frump goth until the jury deliberates. Its mindless, trashy entertainment served by teen pies desperate to stir some whipped cream and stale croutons (actors) that never made it to the oven but are closer to the kitchen. 27-Apr-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Amiable, Camp, Chemistry, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fun Acting, Funny, Hot Swatch, Mystery, Psychological, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Twinkie, Twisty, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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27-Apr-2021


Falcon And The Winter Soldier (2021-) WoofDowngradeArf

Preachers hijacked the writing room. Victim is the new black. A black super soldier spends the rest of his life watering plants with a twink by his side as punishment for having the bravery to be drugged and evolve the strength to save people. He could have been Captain America except for the cruel charisma of a wasp. America voted him out, jailed and erased him. So he said. If the show had commenced with this notion, we would have been spared some ineffectual rundowns and it would have smashed impact. Julia Louis Dreyfus pinched delightfully but had no time to heist. Why are Wakandans allowed to walk freely with spears? The superbad was Orphan Annie grown with a Party City mask, reminding parents that depriving children is best. Teaching is for school and parents. If we can show them how great we are without saying a word, we've won them over. Everything must be black (good) and white (bad) because we're too sensitive for grey (everyone). We all suck. 26-Apr-2021
An ode to superhero support that no one cared about. The task of the series is to make us care. The action zips, the storyline seems cohesive but the protagonists need to make us feel more than heroism. The story is zooming but the actors ain't riding it. 21-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Bad Acting, Comic Book, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Hot Swatch, Overcooked, Political, Relationships, Sap, Silly, Timid, Tired, Writ Basic, Writ For Short Attn Spans

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26-Apr-2021


Chad (2021-) BitesEarly Exit

Nasim Pedrad plays a fourteen year old boy with cosmetic enhancements, a balding auntie wig that isn't glued to her neck and the swag of a girl whose sure she's going to get an "A" in drama. Her statement is overshadowed by how she feels about boys. She adds confusion to the sexual revolution. Had Pedrad cast a boy of her own heritage to be an example of how she wants her future to look like, she might have created some sweet art. 21-Apr-2021

Tags: 2020s, Brutal, Camp, Comedy, Creepy, Egotistical, Emasculating, Fake, Horror, Incomprehensible, Mean Spirited, Static, Tacky, Unfunny, Weird

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21-Apr-2021


90 Day Fiancee: Tell All (2021) 

The legend of the Leprechaun

Pt.2. Tarik and Hazel. Why is everyone pretending Tarik doesn't want to fuck Minty? Dude, her name is Minty. Minty doesn't like women but she's pretending to so she can steal Hazel's green card. "Bitch, get your own chump!" Andrew and Amira. I'm surprised she can travel. She doesn't move much.

It ended abruptly and it was Natalie's turn. WTF?! 19-Apr-2021
Pt.1. Yara & Jovi. Jovi likes strippers because they make him cum. Mike & Natalie. Natalie might qualify for "best supporting actress in a documentary" at next year's Academy Awards. Mike is a beastly leprechaun. He promises her his pot of gold then takes it back. The beast got shot projectiles for finding a unique way to explain cheating on Natalie. The prize for the humiliation is five years of extra fucks for him and a smelly closet, a freezing home, a pig, carrots and some company for her. I hope someone asks Natalie if she's a hardcore fan of Alison Argram who played Nellie Oleson on Little House... Brandon & Julia. Julia gave all the males woodies and squirms whilst describing her career, esp. Jovi and Brandon's dad. The Boy's mother almost choked from twitching closed her emotions. Rebecca & Zied. Tiffany's friend flirted with Zied and fucked Tiffany's husband. His guilt oozed right off the screen even though nobody accused him of anything. Zied didn't fuck Rebecca when she got naked in the hot tub because the lighting was off. Andrew & Amira. She couldn't breathe so she put a sexy bustier on to help the oxygen circulate. Andrew got his hair ironed for nothing. 13-Apr-2021

Tags: 2020s, Abuse, Crapfun, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Drama, Egotistical, Emasculating, Fatigue, Fun, Fun Acting, Funny, Good Acting, Hilarious, Horror, Hot Swatch, Incomprehensible, Insulting, Juvenile, Maddening, Manipulation, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Overcooked, Pitchy, Predictable, Shrill Act, Silly, Squish, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Supremacism, Tough, Twisty, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ Basic

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19-Apr-2021


Dad, You're Embarrassing Me! (2021-) Bites

Dad encourages daughter by pervading her life. Jamie Foxx' craft rolls like dice. He can be brilliant when he is focused and parented but left on his own his goofball can turn insufferable. He's fit, old fashioned beyond his years, paints side characters with no cracks or chips and no revelry and allows tight jeans with a mighty bulge to outshine him. He never embarrasses his daughter like the title says. He kept the bulge intimate. It's not the 80s. They missed out on comedic reactions from anyone besides his daughter. Please. The support is ready to do something. Only good writing can give it to them. Foxx is embarrassing his daughter by not gifting her a better show. I don't recognize any souls in this family. 19-Apr-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Incomprehensible, Preachy, Silly, Star Watt, Static, Stupid Funny, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit

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19-Apr-2021


Married At First Sight (2014-) Howl

Virginia & Eric. Daddy tried to impress his daughter with his Snoopy skills. He was the Red Baron. She complained that he didn't spend enough time with her family. Daddy doesn't want to hang around people his age. It's nerve wracking. Briana & Vincent. Lucy plotted for Ricky to see her dance, he trained to ignore her. She fully acclaimed herself, he was full of boredom. She teased maternity and snapped his attention back but when she extended the expiration date he held back. "A dancer, my ass!" Clara & Ryan. He's failed every mental health wellness test I can think of. Of course he's willing to have relationships with her family. He doesn't have to fuck them either. He makes his vibrant wife "hand job" him every night because she is not worthy of full penetration. I want him and Chris to make a Fans Only video. I want to see Chris alligator fuck the shit out of Ryan's balloon clown ass. Haley & Jacob. My favorite bird (Rio) and princess (Lilly of The Valley) competed for alphadom. Jacob needs to bend over immediately because her strap is hard and he lost. Did daddy call himself an eagle and her a dragon? Like the one in Shrek? 15-Apr-2021
Chris explained to Pastor Cal that the reason he was explosive on the show is because they set him up with a grenade. I wished El Pastor would have utilized some of the cheap scenery and bashed him with it. The experts were so professional that it felt like they were reading my mind. Virginia and Erik. One of the disadvantages of being a daddy is you get to watch your little girl go on dates and come home plastered. Haley and Jacob. All I heard were inner screams during Haley's therapy session. "If he touches me again...I'll scream...I swear it!" Oooh maybe he's CIA. Clara and Ryan. Clara, don't beg for sex. Men who make their partners wait for sex usually suck at it. She needs to renew her contract and corral herself the tallest man of her dreams. Briana and Vincent. Ricky Ricardo schemed to get Lucy to agree to let him sleep late with his newly conceptualized financial budget. Lucy swallowed the budget like a seal eating fish. When Briana told Vincent that she was afraid to have children, all was still except for the profanities swirling in his head. Well-played ladies! 08-Apr-2021
The unmentionable couple. His voice makes me put a lock on my ass even though it splits her vagina. Go figure. Alligator dick is making her look like a stupid horny cheerleader. Ryan and Clara. Bottom boy doesn't know how to satisfy a woman. A horny hillbilly doesn't help. Experts need to set up "gay alerts" with butchy lesbians like the Australian version. (It wakes up identity at supreme velocity.) Jacob and Haley. Herman Munster and any strange white woman down the street. Haley needs to stop signing NDAs. Besides a two incher, a fast cummer or an accidental choker, I don't understand the dilemma. Did he confuse the meaning of cunnilingus? Did he make her lick his hairy ass? Did he not wipe? We wanna know. Erik and Virginia. There is no life for her without her drunk fuck buddies. They're lords of her ring. Old daddy showed "wife duly fuck" appreciation by taking her flying. Vincent and Briana. It feels like he's faking it. His insecurities can't solidify love. 24-Mar-2021
The show let the dogs out so Doctora Viviana could pet them. See, she likes animals, just not cats. There was a harrowing moment when Haley's adorable dog was seen judging Viviana but she caught him and gave him stink-eye. The dog magically disappeared. Haley and Jacob. Dude, she's been acting like this ever since you fucked her. There are two types of screams in the world and her aura ain't spelling delighted. 18-Mar-2021

Tags: 2010s, 2020s, Chemistry, Comedy, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Drama, Funny, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Reality, Relationships, Scary, Shrill Act, Wit Crack, Wit Snit

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15-Apr-2021


Married With Children (1987-1997) Woof

I never realized how much female input there was in scouring the marriage of an alpha fucker and our mothers. 15-Apr-2021

Tags: 1980s, 1990s, Camp, Chemistry, Classic, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Funny, Gay, Gay Swatch, Great Acting, Hilarious, Magic, Magnetism, Political, Reality, Relationships, Representing, Sentimental, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Sweet, Tacky, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Funny

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15-Apr-2021




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