TV Posts Tagged as 'Bad Acting'
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Call Me Kat (2021-)
Papi Jackson accepted my offer and renamed his brand Waffle Man and I went to the supermarket and bought all of Aunt Jemima's syrup. Kat hates cats! How abominably delicious. Yeah! 11-May-2022
They need to stop exploiting cats and explore the biggest vagina on the gay planet. Dorks are out, whores are in. Cat ladies are delusional. 02-Apr-2022
You know what? Kat is growing on me. She hasn't released her Big Bang rigidity but busting out some Blossom on shrooms sort of moves would make the character a classic. Miranda couldn't give a fuck and neither should Kat. Good luck! 27-Mar-2021
Mayim Bialik presumes she's as adorable as her childhood character, Blossom. She's not. The support represents everything that she has publicly denounced so it's uncomfortable watching them glorify her when she'd rather talk to the camera than interact with them. Leslie Jordan deserves better, Swoozie Kurtz might as well retire and Cheyenne Jackson has swallowed way too many dicks to be considered a straight romantic lead. 23-Jan-2021
Is It Cake? (2022-)
S1E1. Mikey Day actually sounds like that? I thought that was an SNL inflection. The refrain is killing me. The artistic aspect (cakes) are impressive but the format and its presentation are unforgivable. The reason the guest stars are not household names is because the majority of people don't want to hear them. I am leaving because I'm allergic to certain sounds and I don't eat cake. 23-Mar-2022
Below Deck: Mediterranean (2016-)
Non-monogomay is the new slut. Those clever sluts! 07-Sep-2021
Bossy got proven lazy to encourage quality work. They couldn't fire her so the boss hired a maid for the stews. 16-Aug-2021
Punishing a black bossy crewmate by banishing her to a lower deck with steam. Don't they know what that does to her hair? Rich people piss in hot tubs. 09-Aug-2021
The water not only messes with her hair but her brain too. Black girl sank the boat with her lack of irreverence. Malia's transition from Deck Ratched to the Flying Nun is not convincing. "Like that nerd would ever have a chance." Hahaha. There's a proud wench stew onboard and I sort of like her. The bullied cook is going to serve the crew for dinner. The captain was nowhere in sight. Sealab reports were due. 19-Jul-2021
Charter lottery wedding and pet murderers. Black female employees trump weak authority on a boat. "Shut the fuck up, white bitch!" Chef is so Don Knotts. Jumps at anything. The girls made fun of how unattractive the male crew was on a lesbian chugger. It's a safety mechanism women employ to keep an environment sex-free. Except, cis women will fuck anything! Malia pretended to be human by letting an underling sexually fantasize about her. 05-Jul-2021
The ban on black people serving the privileged has ended. Is that a tail I see between Malia's legs? It didn't stop her from making her male subordinate feel like a stereotype. You could tell a lesbian hired the male staff. Arf. Captain Sandy reminded me that lesbians pour great wine but can't cook. What a riot. It was so much fun watching the lizard charter choke on human food. 22-Jun-2021
Falcon And The Winter Soldier (2021-)
Preachers hijacked the writing room. Victim is the new black. A black super soldier spends the rest of his life watering plants with a twink by his side as punishment for having the bravery to be drugged and evolve the strength to save people. He could have been Captain America except for the cruel charisma of a wasp. America voted him out, jailed and erased him. So he said. If the show had commenced with this notion, we would have been spared some ineffectual rundowns and it would have smashed impact. Julia Louis Dreyfus pinched delightfully but had no time to heist. Why are Wakandans allowed to walk freely with spears? The superbad was Orphan Annie grown with a Party City mask, reminding parents that depriving children is best. Teaching is for school and parents. If we can show them how great we are without saying a word, we've won them over. Everything must be black (good) and white (bad) because we're too sensitive for grey (everyone). We all suck. 26-Apr-2021
An ode to superhero support that no one cared about. The task of the series is to make us care. The action zips, the storyline seems cohesive but the protagonists need to make us feel more than heroism. The story is zooming but the actors ain't riding it. 21-Mar-2021
90 Day Fiance (2014-)
"The Boy" read the Russian incantation that turns him into a doll during his wedding ceremony. Mike seems to be the only cast member to have understood the irony of The Americans. Natalie freaked out about the fat fuck not marrying her like they were giving out Emmys for it. "Best Outburst By A Communist" in the reality TV genre. 28-Mar-2021
It no longer seems viable that the main purpose of the show is to celebrate interracial marriage. It's a business contract. Men who have trouble corralling local women have to go abroad to find a strong woman willing to give them what a man needs and able to fight to keep it true. More babies; more man freedom. Unfortunately for man, women are evolving all over the world and man has no time to ponder. They nag as much as the American bitches.
A woman with power fishes overseas because she needs to feel like a woman again by the crude affections of a foreign alpha with a penchant for America, sex, shackling, expensive gifts and more money. I don't think getting your head chopped off for an orgasm is worth it but... They all deserve each other.
(P.S. Did Julia call "The Boy" a doll? Awesome. He's turning.) 01-Mar-2021
Natalie and Mike's ferocious mother. Natalie turned into WandaVision for one night and it was glorious. Does her country allow her to be this independent and vocal? She was on a mission to get what she deserves. Mama came onboard to judge. Both women were hardheaded. Mama Ferocious smeared Rachel with butter and slapped her son with a tail and an elephant moniker. They were Avengers united in the quest to do what's best for Mike. Unload him/inherit him. Brava! Rachel won the day and our hearts. Has she? Madame Meow and her son. Meow forgot to check the other ten phones he's hiding at his girlfriend's house. He's setting her up and she is letting him. Why? It's dangerous to conceive that her actions are ok because she likes it. Andrew and Amira. Nasty, dude. Maybe what The Boy needs on the farm is a man. 26-Jan-2021
Wendy Williams: The Movie (2021)
Ciera Payton was too hollowed and untrained to lend craft to Wendy's huge persona. The accent. She got her Snookies confused with her Lavernes. The tits were great. Why didn't Ms. Payton lip synch to Wendy's real voice? Why didn't Ms. Williams just do it? Why not go balls out crazy and cast a man? That's gold. We tune in because it's grade A gossip but we know it's "fuck you" art. 31-Jan-2021
90 Day Fiance (2014-)
If this season doesn't wrap soon, I'm going to end up with a Russian accent. 19-Jan-2021
Mike and Natalie. Ukrainian is being Green Acred. Yara and Jovi. Her claws are nails hammered into a man's jacket but not the man. He's not in it because he's weaving his own shit. Stephanie and Ryan. Madam Meow caught a bird in her nest. She can't play with him like she does cats. They don't sit still. It's cuddles and swipes. He pecks her hard though. When her condition of madness worsens, we are embarrassed for her. Andrew and Amira. Andrew thinks he bought himself a bargain basement Mulan housemaid and caretaker. "Bro, she even kills men for me." Rebecca and Zied. Zied swagged like he was in one of those videos he watched on Beta in his own country five years ago. Rebecca's daughter and boyfriend contributed great face in internally exposing mother's mental ill-being. Call a doctor.
Daughter of Rebecca. If you don't want anyone confusing the asshole for your brother, die the hair. 12-Jan-2021
Dude, I swear I saw "The Boy" move. Poor Julia is definitely going to be "family dinner." The parents want "Boy" and "girl" in "separate rooms." She's alone in "Hobbit World: Creepy Campers." Good luck child. I hope you have friends. Mike and Natalie. America has made Natalie's curls limp and soft. I don't think she's noticed. When she does Hank is going to have to rustle up some carrots for her by the barrel full. Hank, whatever you do, send her back, don't leave her here with us. Jovi and Yara. Clever wench bespoke relationship and dollar bill expectations, he refuted, melted, gave in for the action, apologized and upgraded the relationship. A doll she shall become. Stephanie and Ryan. Stephanie, when he isn't answering your calls and texts, he's fucking. If it's been weeks, he's fucking, shacked up, enjoying life and turning the watches you sent him into gold. What does she think he needs them for? They are a poor country struggling to eat. Time doesn't matter. On the bright side, she probably fed plenty of villages. Maybe Stephanie needs the pain to feel alive again but if she values money she shouldn't. Keep playing with your cat. Rebecca and Zied. The only ones I give the benefit of the doubt to. Maybe you need to go far out to meet far out because you're far out. 28-Dec-2020
When you don't warn loser children about the reality of their limitations they turn to other planets to find worth. I'd rather fuck a pasty American than die on a crumbling planet. Brandon and Julia. The town was almost figuring out Brandon's sexual preference until the parents intercepted and set him up with a Russian bride. Brandon is the man who posed for "The Boy" doll, whose parents corroborate the backstory and whose actions cause a chill. Mike and Natalie. Drunker Blake Shelton engaged to Gwen Moscowitz. She might make his 2 feel like a 10 but his brain is mush. I don't get it. The intensity of her curls scare me. Rebecca and Zied. She's one of those people the parents couldn't convey the truth to and he's one of the assholes who noticed. Jovi and Yara. A doll and a pop-up. 08-Dec-2020
Happiest Season (2020)
Lesbian with bad wig exploits girlfriend with bad dye job by coercing her to celebrate the holidays with her cult (family.) In-laws suck no matter how much they pretend. That sinking feeling you get is the truest. I thought that being loud and proud would supply Kristen Stewart with a personality but she remains dry ice. Maybe she's the wrong sex. I don't know where she was but she wasn't here. Dan Levy proves why I won't watch his Creek's shit. Just because the character is useless doesn't mean you can't steal it. I would have sexually cheated my way out of there and said fuck you to Whoville pudding.
(Uh oh. It ends in lesbian violence. No fucking kidding. They knock down a Christmas tree and everything.) 20-Dec-2020
Saturday Night Live (2018-)
The Christmas episode with Kristen Wiig. Wiig graced us with her professionalism but the balls to her pong were deflated. Lorne, when you choose diversity over talent you get this. The worst cast imaginable. There are exceptions, Jost and Che always overcome the overly fussed jokes and even though he can't get it right Beck Bennet's squishiness is succulent. He stays for one more round until he can prove himself. Pete Davidson's infamy will always precede his comedy. None of Wiig's skits worked. She was out of practice and sadly written. Dua Lipa can't act but she can swing a mean hat. 20-Dec-2020
Matt revved it up, Rachel graced it, the steadies couldn't overcome it, the host is best I don't mention and Kanye shat all over it. His disdain for all art was evident. 30-Sep-2018
Married At First Sight (2014-)
S11E12. Memories. Tree Banger expressed joy at being matched with a jungle woman. Banger Jungle roared and squelched like that funny actress on Wonder Woman 2 with shittier effects. Woody continued his act. The wife may be slaughtered when unable to scream. What the fuck does that mean? He fucked up my channel. If Freddy had designed nightmare wet dreams Brett would be in all of them. Olivia is a dream that awakens despair. I could have strangle fucked the bird and he would have said, "now you're getting it," as the mermaid holds a ray gun to my head that stuns dick. Miles and Karen. Miles, in my hood, you would have arrived at satisfaction, received a polish and a topper, a perfect manicure and a shave and wet worship manhandling. He would return having sacrificed enough joy to deal with her. 02-Oct-2020
The experts supplied the duos with the "Know You" quiz I invented five years ago and we got to know them better. Women are going to have to decide if the switch of power is suitable for male/female relationship success. Men are displaying feelings, getting insecurities, are depressed and vagina does not like it. They've become sensitive mothers with no wombs. They wont dare go near one unless she writes "yes, please!" on their chests. Woody transmitted porn vibrations and a hurtful soul. Amani played along with him. They discussed getting a dog with Woods not wanting one and Amani demanding one. Same solution as with the kids. She gets a dog and the kids get smacked every time they don't pick up after it. Scuttle opened up to the ocean and the mermaid and she tail thrashed him. I felt bad for him. It's not her fault either. Everyone deserves to get who they want. The mismatch almost seems like a producer in-joke. Olivia called out Brett's sarcastic look, talk and breath. She "officially" proclaimed he was Jekyll in front of the camera and Hyde behind it. He answered every question like a male escort, drank a shark drink like it was real and ate his taco like it was Olivia. Karen's constant belittling of Miles sexuality makes it seem she needs to check her own. Miles sperm dried up when the expert suggested they take sex off the table. Dude, run! The expert's disdain for cats was a detail I wished I'd miss. After it attacked her, she shooshed it away real polite and ratched. Banger wife re-attached a friend's finger after the Tree accidentally cut it off. I hope she flossed before the operation. Safety first. 24-Sep-2020
Daily routines were observed and only sarcasm relayed the truth. Amani spits toothpaste onto your hair. Woody awakens like a senior and avoids the night like a feeble. Olivia startles awake and Brett arises perfect. Tree Banger coyly called out wifey for a lack of cleanliness but she didn't bite. She's the breadwinner and he is the service. Case closed. The mermaid princess got together with another couple and ate Sebastian's grandchildren. Scuttle (the bird) spent half the time standing and perching. Amani attempted to have Scuttle confide in her but besides babbling about how impatience scares him, there wasn't much for Amani to capture from birdspeak. The princess was not amused that he thought her rude to her subjects. The bird, who never talks, complained about her lack of communication. They rethought things and decided the attention and cha-ching that may follow will be worth the marriage. To my chagrin Scuttle compared himself to a turtle. I blurted, "really?" His face twitches 50 times before a turtle blinks and are the feathers there to hide his shell? Brett attracted gay woodies at a rock climbing event then played "Trivia" at a bar with Olivia and her friends. The questions went over his head, he became surly and uncooperative exclaiming that what they were playing wasn't trivia. Wife was overcome with weakness, stepped out and had a meaningless conversation with her friend about how he doesn't want to be a part of them. I was team Brett all the way. The game was shit and the friends were condescending. Woody and Amani discussed child whipping. She was against it and he was raised with it. Of course, he acquiesced but thought...fuck it, a slap and a threat when she's not around, they won't tell. Executive decision yelled rape with a but. I have no understanding of her type. By proclaiming to be so empowered she has become the weakest bride. If you need to pay someone to show you what closeness is, you're a robot. Let the daddy loose or fuck his brains out. You only live once. 17-Sep-2020
Hollywood dating was in effect. Karen and Miles went food shopping. I would have picked up Popeyes before heading home just to annoy her. Executive Decision (Karen) declared foul once again. She can't deal being matched with a girl. What kind of bulls are in this woman's life? Daddy just wants some bear hugs, teet tweaks, a yank and maybe a pull. As soon as daddy put his sex foot forward, she yelled rape. She's not suitable for human contact. The Bangers went slacklining. I would have pulled out my scissors and cut the line but this couple is about celebrating every stupid little thing. The banana tree broke peer sex pressure and popped the wife which lent him "I can do better" arrogance as he regaled her for being unkempt and undutiful. He also chose space instead of her. That'll teach her not to clean the bathroom. The bird taught aquatic maiden to golf and a human tried teaching them to dance. I wondered if his head whips spontaneously back and forth during oral service. Olivia and Brett went on a Republican alligator expedition. Brett was especially upset when he realized there'd be no alligators attacking the boat or his wife. Stupid and funny reactions were enabled with an addendum stating Brett would be honored to push his wife out of a plane. 09-Sep-2020
The couples prepared for company. Brett called Pastor Cal a dik and went missing for hours. Next day he returned to celebrate his marriage to a nurse practitioner with free access to drugs. Party time. Brett compared his wife to Nurse Jackie and gossiped to his friends that there was a lot of big dick in Mexico. The Bangers played house. Tree Banger rocked some jack-o-lantern cotton as his head made a great wick. The aquatic princess couldn't think of a favorite childhood food even though she's a mermaid and was cooking fish. The Dracula wives made a return to authenticate that their bff was the best victim a woman could ask for - without the sex part. Karen softened to the idea of their being some Perry in Madea. The village partiers "sex bashed" the men that weren't measuring up. The chants in favor of rape were horrific. Do you want him to pull your hair? Yes, that would be nice. Choking. If he knows the safe word, yes. Will you let him say the first word? Absolutely! Can you beg to push things along? Absolutely fucking not, I'm still a woman. Rape. 02-Sep-2020
Nurse Ratched (2020-)
Finale. Daddy Murphy and co. told me to fuck off. The pieces of art they were building got torn down, the unexplainable released the story from reality and the artists arthritic attack did not allow them to finish with a master stroke. Bummer. 29-Sep-2020
S1E7. Judy Davis titillated, Paulson skyrocketed, the doctor (Jon Jon Briones) scratched, Charlie Carver was endearing and Amanda Plummer itched.
One more to go before I tell Daddy Ryan to fuck off. 28-Sep-2020
S1E6. Jennifer Salt excused the dik crammed in Finn's butt to let some of the air out. He performed a beautiful Hitchcock sex scene. Cynthia Nixon demanded respect and got it. Judy Davis giggled. Jon Jon's doctor is a character whose death we are looking forward to. Nurse Dolly needed to remain stupid and fan worshipping to make the crime saga pop. Vincent D'Onofrio Jacked Nurse Ratched with just one word. Paulson's close-up had me holding on to my chair whilst Daddy Ryan felt me up. You motherfucker. 26-Sep-2020
S1E5. Paulson continues to polish her art. Judy Davis steals it by being the most ratched. Cynthia Nixon exudes a mature woman's warmth and dangerous idolatry. Finn Witrock looks yummier but somebody fucked the "it" out of him. I hope its just bad direction. No offense directors. There are beautiful spaces, delightful scenes and a Hitchcock orchestration that makes us swoon but I still don't see what this Ratched has in common with the ultimate Ratched. (I never imagined ultimate Nurse Ratched being "cute" in her youth.) 24-Sep-2020
It's not really Nurse Ratched it's more like a dichotomy of the Atelier lesbian Playstation game series. Rorona, Sophie and Atelier Esha are some of my favorites. It was always the same character with a surgically unblemished witch. That's what I need to tell myself to accept the sumptuous surroundings and the opulent cast. It's been prettified, sensationalized and horrified. I was impressed by the first episode and confused by the second. Is Nurse Ratched supposed to smirk at the camera? Nurse Ratched is a horror not a horror film. Is women empowerment a threat? Do we report it? Sarah Paulson serves it elegantly, poisonous and charmed. Judy Davis flambeid, Finn Wittrock dislocated himself, the eye of Murphy distracts but it also expands and disintegration occurs. The Hitchcock tunes are seductive. Change her name and we might be cool. Nurse Karen? 21-Sep-2020
Emmy Awards (2020)
Kimmel could have been cheaply portrayed by any muppet from Sesame Street and Anthony Anderson wouldn't have made Elmo take a knee for being inappropriately funnier than him. The comedy was Blue's Clues challenging and hostility safe. They found three drag queens to applaud for RuPaul as long as they were not in the same room. Everyone had observations as to how we can continue to give them a great life even though they suck up most of it. I tuned out as soon as the Queen Mother of Greed honored Madea for inspiring Drag Race. Really? Of course, I tuned back in for super daddy Succession and mama Zendaya. Maybe a little longer. People are angry because the rich keep celebrating things and doing nothing. Thanks for the sign but can you shove one less spoiled kid with a special price tag in my face? I'm not gay enough for Schitt's Creek, not butch enough for Killing Eve and not girl enough for Normal People. The show only confirms that I will see the end of the world. Congratulations, winners! 20-Sep-2020
Camp Getaway (2020-)
It needs a serial killer. 13-May-2020
Tiger King (2020-)
S1E3. I'm neither addicted, intrigued, impressed, or willing to give a shit. 01-Apr-2020
I tuned in out of curiosity and to give its subject, the benefit of the doubt. I wasn't raised in an environment where I thought hooligans were cute and my idea of celebrating such buffoonery leaves me speechless. Not one soul appears to have one and the glorification of fake swagger has me flatlining. I don't believe in fucking with mother nature or God's fucking plan and I don't believe in making a profit from exploiting it.
(If I change my mind I'll expose myself again.) 01-Apr-2020
Horse Girl (2020)
The title sets it up for failure. Mare straddles insanity via conspiracy theory. Almost every character is hypocritical and alienating and the balance of insanity versus sanity is insane. (Hint: the horse wins!) 15-Feb-2020