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TV Posts Tagged as 'By the Numbers'

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Below Deck: Sailing Yacht (2020-) Woof

The charter was a surgically enhanced female empowerment group. The type whose procedures make them look twenty years older because only old ladies need them. Why did it become serious when one charter member big splashed? Were they expecting a big sprinkle? One of the non-second stews left a fat sock in Captain's pant crotch. Did Chef Dos Latinos serve dessert with a little spoon because the Captain was dining with the charter or because he knew I would notice it? The Captain should have shown up for dinner in a jockstrap because all the women could talk about was Gary, Gary, Gary. Captain served the ladies macaroni crotch for breakfast but none of the women looked down. I would have stood on the table. The raped one was deliriously content making out with a non-second steward, giving fuck you stares to the rapist and riling up Ms. Long Ago. A man handles rape a little different. I'm not sure about this but I think a non-second stew stuck a similar sock in Gary's pants. 24-May-2022
Lord Salmon Decker has sexual amnesia. The sex was either very horrible or it felt illegal. Either way, amnesia is the best way out of the situation. Ashley couldn't keep her mouth shut and confessed every detail of the rape on video and audio on a loop. Yo, stop. I'm sure there's help waiting for her when they dock. They're wearing crew whites without any stripes. They will find her. Gary is the hero for fighting rape by not giving it the two cents it doesn't deserve. It's just another lousy fuck. It's not like shee reeped hiz ash to shereddss!!! 17-May-2022
If you unexpectedly slide it into Gary, he'll only notice a change in temperature. Chef Dos Latinos was perplexed by boobs so he made great food. Gary thinks that a male to female deck can do better than a female to female hand. Ashley thinks she should be promoted for raping a man and getting rid of Encanto. 11-May-2022
Gary got raped by a baby stew. The stew was giving the beautiful intoxication a massage when he fell asleep. He rolled over with a hard-on and she sat on it. Rape! Male whores sometimes get their rapes and hook-ups mixed up especially when they can't remember them. Double rape! HE DID NOT CONSENT! HE WAS UNCONSCIOUS! He'll feel the pain once he's 55+ and has a compulsive desire to sue her. Gabriela did everyone a favor by booking her mental illness out of there. I know Chef Dos Latinos was tired of that Encanto bitch. Daisy's woman in charge consists of granting her crew the power to let her fuck with their heads. Is that why Gabby left? Nope, it was Gary's fault. Cuddling with a salmon mermaid that's going to fuck you over is a mental no no. Colin and Gabby watching Gary snog with baby's breath made his ass clench and her mind/vagina explode. Did the captain remove a peanut butter cup from its wrapper and replace it with a dollop of peanut butter? That is so cat. I think I understand captain's giant cracker fetish. He doesn't want to shit the boat when he tilts it. 19-Apr-2022

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Drama, Fatigue, NSFW, Overcooked, Reality, Relationships, Showy, Shrill Act, Stupid Funny, Travel, Writer's Peak

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24-May-2022


Love Island (2019-) Bites

Gays undercover have no idea how to deal with female toxicity. 06-Aug-2021
Gays undercover are still saving women. Men with sexual dysfunctions agreed to remain in their original coupling. Men think women are stupider than them because they believe everything they say. 30-Jul-2021
S3E9. The men are playing football, faking the women into doing behind the scenes porn in front of the team, their family and friends. Gay boys are undercover to make sure the rejected puppies don't get tackled. It's cheating but the show has an image to uphold. May the best cock, win! 26-Jul-2021

Tags: 2010s, Best In Horror, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Juvenile, Predictable, Reality, Repetitive, Sexist, Static, Tacky, Tedium, Timid, Tired

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13-Apr-2022


Michael Landon: The Father I knew (1999) Arf

They asked a 6'3" player to act like a 5'9" giant dipper. Only women can feel the difference. Boy dreams of his celebrity father becoming a hero at home instead of inserting more strangers into his life. Celebrity boy rebels against father after daddy divorces the family for fresh "baby smell" poultry. The first time I witnessed a race to grandpa's lap crotch was the last time I blinked during any of the games. No offense Little Landon, but if you inherited his crotch, you'll be fine. 27-Feb-2022

Tags: 1990s, Accidental Watch, Bio, By the Numbers, Crapfun, Fun, Funny, Overcooked, Pitchy, Preachy, Relationships, Silly, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ Basic

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27-Feb-2022


Celebrity Big Brother (2018) WhimperUpgrade

The Beast won. Booooooooooo! 27-Feb-2022
Sucking international dick on a successful kid's TV show made Todd Bridges an expert at siphoning distinct flavors from semen. 17-Feb-2022
Aunt May was saved like in the comics. The hobgoblin transformed and departed in shame. Splitx is a paranoid bottom. "Beef for everyone!" It took a strong black woman to realize that there is a predator amongst them. Todd is only repentant when someone pays him. Julie Chen must be dehumanized by being reduced to letters. JC Moonves. "Bring the money to papa, so I can fuck even more stupid girls whilst you're lost in a maze." 13-Feb-2022
CBB"Home for the Aged" capacity is at 100%. Aunt May is a threat? She doesn't even know Peter is Spider-Man yet. When Chris Kattan walks away from filming, he's turning into the Hobgoblin. Production should have hired a small person for Todd Bridges to spar/play with. He's boring. The HOH Strip competition made me wince. They're old. Natural reaction. 10-Feb-2022
Lesbian appropriation is devised as a plan to conquer and liquidate. She won HOH. Aunt May from the original Spiderman won the power of veto. Chris Kattan stopped sucking cock. He eats cake now. Kardashians shit their bed. Asians are a threat. Julie keeps highlighting the Moonves name which makes us an accomplice to her husband's shenanigans. We held her arms and legs while he fucked her. She deserved it, she didn't finish the maze. 09-Feb-2022
Guess who never showed... 14-Feb-2018
There is something fraudulent about the presentation...and I'm still waiting for the celebrities to show up. 08-Feb-2018

Tags: 2010s, 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Conspiracy Theory, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fake, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Real, Tedium

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27-Feb-2022


Single All The Way (2021) Arf

Gays take on family Christmas. Family doesn't want gay boy growing into an old maid. He has a bad picker. Family and friends decide to harass him into settling for the husband of their choice. He drags his bestie along to purport a lie that keeps his family nagging. Gays don't date. Unless bathrooms and dog walks count. The concept is repetitive, there is no conflict and it's an unsigned Christmas card. Michael Urie's hand gestures did not give me whiplash. Kathy Najimy needs a booster shot of tackiness. Jennifer Coolidge is a Christmas edible. Luke Macfarlane doesn't stop half smiling. Philemon Chambers couldn't muster friendship or romance. The film reminds without feeling. Chemistry is created when actors look at each other as if they were tonguing down. Straight actors are good at that. They're hungry. If we want to continue to represent we need to stop enjoying the gift and savor the opportunity. All the snow was indoors. Why do woke folks always put the ethnic person to work? White boy goes on dates while black boy fixes the white family's plumbing. Get out! 03-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Amiable, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Comedy, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Holiday, Music Rocks, Timid, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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03-Dec-2021


Maid (2021-) Arf

S1E1. Confused mother abandons an angry husband that punches holes in the walls instead of punching them and has no history of physical violence. Oooooh. Scary. She runs with her daughter and gobbles up what the system has to offer. Her mate is a responsive Nick Robinson. Fuck her. 11-Oct-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Cliche, Daddy Squish, Drama, Insulting, Relationships, Static, Timid, Tired, Words Spoke

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11-Oct-2021


Scenes From A Marriage (2021-) Whimper

It charges in promisingly. A class in master acting? No. Jessica Chastain fulfills her part but is lessened by technique directives that make her twitch and dishonest. There are no ass shots of Mr. Isaac's squishiness. He is a serious actor and nothing more. It's incomprehensible that couples talk about their marriage constantly. It's boring. 15-Sep-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Cliche, Drama, Fake, Fatigue, No Chemistry, Star Watt, Static, Tedium, Timid, Weird, Writ Basic

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15-Sep-2021


Too Hot To Handle (2020-) Bites

Yo, call a doctor! The human race is hornier than we thought. It's not just us, its everybody! The children are fucked! 03-Jul-2021
No sex games, stripper parties or porn stars performing anatomy tricks. No Casa De Amor with an hour free of rules to tempt anyone. A lame exercise in controlling the libido does not a better date candidate make and I have no idea what point it's trying to make. (The winner takes home about $12.00 after taxes.) 19-Apr-2020
The norm is hornier than I thought. Love Island Castaways land on Mt. Celibacy and are tortured into going straight. The women are boob jocks and the men prance around blowing bro bubbles. The understanding is that what an independent woman wants, is a servant. It's not daring or tacky, not willing to titillate on a channel that permits it and not willing to locate a winning politic. "Tom Holland future" is an eerie panty shredder, women are still reaching for the biggest/complicated things, unruly racism is itching closer to our faces and Jesus left because he couldn't stand them. 18-Apr-2020

Tags: 2020s, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Creepy, Cultural, Fake, Horror, Hot Swatch, Incomprehensible, Juvenile, No Chemistry, Reality, Sap, Shrill Act, Silly, Weird

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03-Jul-2021


Pose (2018-2021) HowlUpgradeFull Moon

If you preach and back it up with great talent, you supersede. 30-Jun-2021
Gorgeous ladies...and men, musical zest, smashing show and a hopeful ending. It broke it and healed it...the heart. 28-Aug-2019
"The Man That Got Away." Judy defined it and Billy spelled it out. 25-Aug-2019
It gave us a vogue teaser, it made gold edible and the love story was sexy. 23-Aug-2019
Ryan's episode didn't hand me an enigmatic vogue but it gave me beauty of soul. 23-Aug-2019
Do I have to vogue to earn a gay family like this or is that sentiment stuck in the past? The show retains its high sheen fabulosity but ballroom direction needs to stress its entertainment notch in order to fly closer to Billy Porter's coordination. 21-Jul-2019
Earned. 23-Jul-2018
Squirt. 15-Jul-2018
The release was due to its faithful history and devotedly charged performances. 10-Jul-2018
Every week it grows in beauty and endearment. One more moon and Papa Murph makes me blow.

Christopher Meloni is now inducted into Daddy Squish Hall of Fame. 03-Jul-2018
It's about family. 27-Jun-2018
Ryan is tapping into the artistic awakening of its raw talent. Learning as they go. 24-Jun-2018
The seed has been planted but in order for it to grow it needs to escalate the celebration. 23-Jun-2018

Tags: 2010s, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Comedy, Cultural, Dance, Director Art, Drama, Elegance, Fashion, Funny, Gay, Great Acting, Heart Writ, Heartbreaking, History, Hot Swatch, Magic, Music Rocks, Musical, Nostalgic, Preachy, Relationships, Romance, Sentimental, Sexy, Squish Alert, Star Power, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Touching, Unity, Wit Snit, Writer's Peak

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30-Jun-2021


Love, Victor (2020-) Woof

S2E8. Mama wrecked. Humans named Raheim are the #1 cause of gay break-ups in the entire world. Did daddy give daughter a present? I don't remember. Might be why she's a slut. Felix needs to gain some Styles likability, Lake needs to liberate herself from pettiness, daddy needs to fuck a trans, mama needs to fuck a giant and Benji needs a sugar daddy. Mia is the noticeable surprise that can evolve into something. "Shake yourself off before every scene, watch how Kerry does it and you'll do great." 15-Jun-2021
S2E6. Felix' story was heartbreaking. (Nosey white people.) There is nothing more disagreeable than watching a privileged woman bear an interracial child. 13-Jun-2021
Do youngsters really obsess over sex before having it? I guess you do if you don't have any cousins guiding you through puberty. I slept with people before I greeted them so this is cloudy for me. Boys who wait for sex are imperfect. These darling boys look like they can teach sex. Lake is a quirky favorite whose matched with Felix and his sad mentally unstable life. I hope it strikes. Andrew settled into a personality to become a cool friend and woo the delightful Mia. Daddy needs a breakdown. Mama needs to break loose. I did not know that coloring your hair is gay, gay. 13-Jun-2021
S2E3. Snuggle daddy does like Oprah taught him and bought his sons' love with favorite things. 12-Jun-2021
S2E2. I know something Victor doesn't. It doesn't matter if you come out. It's a selfish act that's been ingrained in us like the opposite of conversion therapy. Nobody cares. You tell people you feel safe with and let the strangers guess. A mother's homophobia cannot be fixed. She can tell you she loves you, she can accept you and your husband but in her heart, she will never see it as true. Life is not a fairytale but a burden. We can't force mama into PFLAG "therapy" just because we don't want to hear her opinion. I don't like Victor's swag. The audacity of giving his mother an ultimatum was privileged. There is no believable romantic couple. Mia needs to avenge Victor by stealing his next boyfriend. For gay realism, Victor needs to date 10 boys per season, in between the molestations and rapes. Daddy has such a nice face. 12-Jun-2021
E6-10. Performer TV IQ is high enough to rise above the suds, convey the right emotions, make us addicted and not drown from the weight of the soap. 18-Jun-2020
S1E5. It observes and overprotects its subject. It theorizes that problems only graze and that all people are inherently capable of understanding. Fables only grant the curious teen, added hurt on their venture. I'd rather tell it, solve it and not wait for the miracle to happen. 17-Jun-2020

Tags: 2020s, Amiable, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Gay, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Relationships, Sentimental, Star Watt, Sweet, Twinkie, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight

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17-Jun-2021


Below Deck: Sailing Yacht (2020-) ArfUpgradeWoof

The crew got to serve a yachty slave crew. Captain confided his dick needed a wide angle lens to capture its full impact. Daisy couldn't leave the boat without making a feminine princess feel like she's worthless for liking scum dick. Colin has a crush on scum dick. He has a jealous eye and a broken heart. I hope he goes home, mourns his dog and makes peace with it. Sydney became diseased when the first mate rejected her. She smashed her vagina in front of the men and all they could do was swallow hard. Natasha was amusing. Alli is destined to be made fool of again, probably by Gary, on future TV. Gary needs to go oink. A good 12 inches should fix her. Bitch be cleaning the boat with her tongue. Sorry, mate. Samantha and giant Darrin were not promoted to anything. Bummer. 14-Jun-2021
The crew agreed that Gary should have never been born then promoted him. Gypsy woman entrapped Green Giant into having babies. Naughty mope. She'll take a green card from anywhere. Captain Pop got slurpy. Spydeck remains an enigma. Sydney still horny. 07-Jun-2021
It was the Hocus Pocus charter. Giant discovered his dick turned red because the bruja is using pussy cement. (I told you!) One of the high commanders from the witch colony claimed the coven was rejecting her because she was the most plastically altered/beautiful. I couldn't tell them apart. Captain was nerve wracked. He seemed like he was going to call his crew idiots and jump ship. Natasha served dessert in a trough for pigs. Really? Plastic people can make irreverent comments about lowly people but the lowliest should never be caught criticizing them. "We pay for the servitude, so shut up!" Poor Alli. Those bitches. 24-May-2021
The Captain was done in by mammoth equipment. A charter of women came to lounge, dispute and to show America that their lifestyle isn't healthy for anyone. The giant's penis is turning red and the culprit wants to jump ship. Brown girl lied. Daisy celebrated. Gary is living his best life. 18-May-2021
No critique. I felt like I was watching a special episode of Baywatch or worst, Flipper and took pity on them. 11-May-2021
Daisy was murdered and it had nothing to do with Natasha. Captain Pop was as befuddled by Daisy's lame attempt at a Murder Mystery Dinner as we were. He looked like the only adult at a kids' table. He should have been included somehow. It's not befitting a captain to appear lost. There are so many excellent swimmers on staff. Why didn't one of the crew get pushed overboard? It would have been dramatic. The giant saved the day then got disgusted when his chiquita showed interest in Alli's labia. The Chucky of the Sea tried to give Sydney a rise by making out with Alli like she was Sofia the First. Sydney got her revenge by informing the viewers how inadequate the Chuck is in bed. 03-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Drama, Fatigue, Overcooked, Reality, Relationships, Showy, Shrill Act, Travel, Writer's Peak

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14-Jun-2021


Below Deck: Sailing Yacht (2020-) ArfUpgradeWoof

Daisy's wish that brown girl would fail at everything was overridden by juju food seasoned to perfection that caused outbursts of joyful magical sensations. Daisy needed to check her own department. They left Captain Pop without any clean black sexy underwear. Are they nuts?! The citizen application seemed very disappointed that the giant fit. What does that mean? The tip of my baby finger is snug... that means he's...2. Two Feet? Would I have pointed it out if it was 2 feet? Oh shit. I would but in a different manner. The fairytale crushing Bizarro fuck accounts for her sudden flow of tears and romantic reminiscing. She will never be as good as this. Might as well fuck with this clown. The boat is full of juju and the seƱorita has a few powders of her own. (Is it the cement my mother prescribed to my best friend to make her husband think she was a virgin again?) Whatever brings her closer to opportunity. She meant home. She wants to give back. You can't have it all. Gary is a shag monster! Glistening soft drunks are the new swag. I asked him to lick me upside down and he did! You don't let guests dehydrate, especially nice ones. Giants tumble. 27-Apr-2021
Natasha told Daisy to "kiss off" by turning her food into art. Giants consume, peek and hibernate. Everyone wants a shot at Gary, his cheeky sensibility and spotless ass. I'm sure it slides right in. (Sorry, "man brain" on.) They spent a lot of time being defensive about smokers. Smokers separate as a courtesy to everyone and to bond with other smokers. So the fucking what. Everyone else wasted time obsessing over the idea that a human can do that. Sydney qualifies as a "pyscho sexual slut" who's gonna kill to get her man.

(Oops, "man brain" again. "I'm really trying, mama. Please don't hurt me!") 20-Apr-2021
Blame it all on Natasha. 15-Apr-2021
Captain Pop has the chill to relax and the stern to discipline. Ahoy. The gay charter were dressed in "red alerts." The Penguin threatened his pet Pugsley with the fat farm if he didn't stop eating after getting home. Ouch. Ok, then. Maybe the reason the boy devours food is because the family keeps turning meals into parties to avoid emotions. The marriage proposal to his daughter's boyfriend was cold, cruel and deserving. They appeared to seal a contract. It's a probability that the daughter is still with the boyfriend and faking it for their betterment or Penguin thought he could steal a good fuck for himself. Daughter stopped eating and drowned her woes in alcohol after the engagement and threw up. "You parental-privileged, fish-eating, fat shaming, climate swallowing, child torturing, slave driving, vagina-hating and inappropriate froth." 07-Apr-2021
A woman's kryptonite is a horny man whispering momentary sweet nothings in her ear. A man's kryptonite is his dick. The crew spins the bottle and force strangers to kiss. Decadent. A decent charter gets eclipsed by out of bound cliches. A gay father married to his daughter's ex, children with permanent scowls on their faces and exes riding the money trail onboard to poison the atmosphere. They sexually harassed a woman's giant, nose sniffed privilege and dick shrank perversion. Where's the progress? 29-May-2020

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Drama, Fatigue, Overcooked, Reality, Relationships, Showy, Shrill Act, Travel

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27-Apr-2021


Young Sheldon (2017-) ArfUpgradeWoof

Did old Sheldon just announce that Call Me Kat was a lousy lay? 27-Feb-2021
Bringing the sweet back to comedy. I'll take it. 24-May-2019
The only way to siphon enjoyment is to abolish any thought that this Sheldon exemplifies Big Bang Sheldon. Mamas and sentimentality rule. 16-Jan-2018
Young Sheldon is only a shadow of the adult we know from Big Bang. Continuity frustrates because the child quips about things that the adult version deflected. The fun is limited because we know the child wont make it to maturity, is not invested in relationships and his family will barely exist in his present. 27-Sep-2017

Tags: 2010s, By the Numbers, Comedy, Drama, Gay Swatch, No Continuity, Predictable, Tedium

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27-Feb-2021


Call Your Mother (2021-) Whimper

There is no reason to call her because she is the primary that needs parenting. Mother can make a dirty cheese muffin, attention grab the hell out of parental privilege and retract the independence from her children. A sexless black gay token is hired to fawn over white mama madness and the other is relegated to immobile chat calls as mama's bestie. The younglings have no idea how to create a spark and the son should have been gay. What's a crappy mother without a gay son? Boring. 21-Jan-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Cliche, Comedy, Cultural, Gay Swatch, Juvenile, Manipulation, No Chemistry, Out of Place, Over the Top, Overcooked, Pitchy, Preachy, Predictable, Relationships, Repetitive, Silly, Star Watt, Static, Tired, Writ Basic

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21-Jan-2021


United We Fall (2020-) Whimper

Bland parental failure without boundaries. Do whatever doesn't disappoint most of the members and move on. It isn't that funny. There are no consequences or punishments. They fail and move on. 20-Jan-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Comedy, Emasculating, Fatigue, Hyper, No Chemistry, Shrill Act, Star Watt, Static, Tacky, Weird, Wit Crack, Words Spoke

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20-Jan-2021




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