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Health/Food Posts Tagged as 'Advice'

Welcome to Errattic! We encourage you to customize the type of information you see here by clicking the Preferences link on the top of this page.

 

Help! My Ex-Boyfriend Wants to Pay Me to Go on Dates. 

 

I’m a college student who, a little over a month ago, broke it off with a guy I’d been in a relationship with for 10 months. There was no spark, and I felt like being single and exploring other options. My ex is completely, unabashedly in love with me still and has been taking it really hard. He calls and texts me constantly asking for me back.

I’ve been broke lately, and I mentioned to him off-hand that I’m worried about funding my study abroad this summer. He then offered to pay me to go on dates with him—just a couple dates, until I leave next month. No sex, just “hanging out, the way we used to”—dinner, movies, etc. I’m not worried about the ethics of being paid for something like this (before his offer, I was considering using a get-paid-for-dates service, but I’d rather do that with someone I know); the problem is that I can’t shake the feeling that this is wrong for me to do with him and would only exacerbate things. I feel sorry for him. It seems pragmatic and makes sense in theory—he misses me, so he gets to date me, and I get money for my travels—and he’s a grown man who can make his own decisions about what’s best for him, but I feel like it’d be crazy for me to take him up on his offer. Thoughts?

Help! My Ex-Boyfriend Wants to Pay Me to Go on Dates.

Tags: $, Advice, Dating, Etiquette, Safety, Sex Work, Superiority, Support, Termination, Threat, Treatment, Warning

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20-Jun-2021


How Can You Foster Vulnerability in Your Relationship? Take More Risks 

 

Blah, blah, blah...

How Can You Foster Vulnerability in Your Relationship? Take More Risks

...so he can fuck you up the ass! Never ever be vulnerable! Better safe than sorry. Every time I was vulnerable in any relationship, they used it against me and fucked me up the ass, in every connotation. Fuck the experts and their guilt trips. 12-Jun-2021

Tags: Advice, Fail, Psychology, Relationships, Stupid

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12-Jun-2021


My Introverted Teen Is Desperate to Be Popular 

 

I know this is going to sound like a nonproblem at first, but there is a deeper issue that troubles me. Our 16-year-old son is an amazing kid: intelligent, hardworking, and athletic. He is a straight-A student who juggles multiple AP classes with a demanding sports schedule. He is one of the top three students in his class and is also being recruited by college coaches for his sport. But ever since he was in elementary school, we’ve had the same experience at the end-of-year awards ceremonies: He’ll occasionally get recognized for the “objective” awards, like honor roll or scoring the highest on foreign-language tests, but he has never won a single “subjective” award, the ones selected by teachers/coaches or voted on by his peers. When he was little, we would console him by saying “Don’t worry, just keep working hard and maybe you’ll get one next year!”

But after several years of that, we changed our message, instead emphasizing that hard work is its own reward, and that we are proud of him for his diligence and work ethic. I suspect one of the reasons he gets so little recognition is his personality: He is extremely quiet, introverted, and serious. He has a handful of close friends but gets along with everybody; his school tends to be a bit “clique-ish,” but he is one of the few students who has good friends among both the “smart kids” and the athletes.

I’m not concerned about the awards themselves or about him impressing anyone else. Now that he’s older, he tends to brush it off as no big deal. But I just watched him sit through yet another awards ceremony with a forced smile on his face and tears in his eyes as every one of his friends at the table got a special award from one of the teachers or coaches. He sometimes comments about feeling “invisible” because he doesn’t have the charm and charisma of some of his peers. We’ve tried telling him that sometimes teachers like to reward students for their effort since the students who excel in class already get the reward of good grades. But this doesn’t feel right either, especially after seeing him come home exhausted from a three-hour sports practice and then stay up till 1 a.m. studying.

After 10-plus years of this, I can’t help worrying that maybe we should be giving him different advice—instead of preaching self-acceptance, perhaps we should be telling him to adjust his personality, so he is a bit more likable? He is headed to college soon, so maybe I should do nothing and let him figure it out himself?

—Mom of the Invisible Man

My Introverted Teen Is Desperate to Be Popular

Tags: Advice, Children, Etiquette, Exclusivity, Mental Health, Modernization, Parental Burden, Parental Crime, Perception, Performance, Privilege, Protest, Unruly Child, Weird

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06-Jun-2021


My Son’s Girlfriend Won’t Take the Hint That I Hate Her 
 

I hate my son’s girlfriend of 13 years. They are high school sweethearts who are now 30 and talking about buying property and eventually starting a family together. He currently lives at home and helps pay my mortgage, among other things. If he leaves, I will be forced to sell the house and adjust to a new lifestyle. I feel she will keep me away from my son when they move out. I have tried everything to split them apart and often make her feel unwelcome in my home and talk about her negatively to almost anyone who will listen. I even make her bring her own food when she stays here. Why can’t she just get the point that no one wants her here and move on!? What else can I do to get rid of her?

—Desperate Mom

My Son’s Girlfriend Won’t Take the Hint That I Hate Her Ban 'Disrespects' Freedom, Federal Judge Writes

Tags: Advice, Family, Guns, Hate, Laws, Parental Crime, Politics, Relationships, Safety, Women In Charge

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05-Jun-2021


Help! My 30-Year-Old Boyfriend Has No Interest in Losing His Virginity. 

 

I have been seeing a really sweet guy for three months. He is intelligent, fun, considerate, and generous. My issue is that he is a virgin and doesn’t seem very interested in changing that. We are both in our early 30s. I am recently divorced—my husband was a compulsive cheat—and have a 2-year-old son. I have discussed sex with “James” and he said that he originally wanted to wait until marriage for religious reasons, but now doesn’t feel that is necessary, he just wants it to be with the right person. We were making out the other night and I whispered to him how much I wanted him. He said he wanted me, too, but he sounded awkward and unconvincing. He always tells me that we can’t do anything because he doesn’t have condoms, but he hasn’t made any attempts to purchase some. I can tell he is aroused when we kiss, but I’m worried that he just isn’t very interested in sex. That would be tough for me to handle long term. Is it wrong that I expect our relationship to be further along after three months? My friends say I need a man with more heat and passion but I am hesitant to pass up an otherwise great guy.

Help! My 30-Year-Old Boyfriend

Tags: Advice, LGBTQ, Rejection, Relationships, Sex, Struggling, Treatment, Virgin

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23-May-2021


Sex With My New Boyfriend Is the Best I’ve Ever Had—but He Has One Request I Can’t Quite Pull Off 

 

I’m a woman recently out of an 18-year marriage—together for 20 years, starting when I was 20 myself—that was never great for me in the sex department. I never felt real desire or lust for my ex-husband. I didn’t think much of it, having so little experience prior to marriage. I am now with a man who turns me on in ways that are new and exciting. I am eager to be adventurous, and it has been a thrill to feel this way and learn things about myself. But the one area in which I feel I’ve been coming up short is talking during sex. My boyfriend has a vivid imagination and expresses himself well, and he’d love for me to take the lead in verbalizing fantasies during sex. I’m not quiet or mute—I make plenty of noise, and I have a few go-to phrases that feel right in the moment—but I find that being asked for narratives causes me to come up blank. I just can’t do it. I get so annoyed with myself. I’m not embarrassed by talking dirty, exactly, and I can sext with gusto. I’d really like to improve in this respect. Any tips?

Sex With My New Boyfriend

Tags: Advice, Relationships, Satisfaction, Sex

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17-May-2021


Help! My Husband Wants to Move Out for a Year—and Leave His Kids. 

 

I have been with the same guy for six years, married for one. He has two sons from a previous marriage, and she is not in the picture. If it is relevant I’m a male too. My husband has asked me if I could accept his moving into his own apartment for a year because he has never been on his own. He says he doesn’t want us to break up, just live apart for a while. The boys would stay with me in our home, and he would take them to spend the night every so often. We would also have a weekly date night just to keep our relationship “on track.” He married his ex right out of high school, and they had children right away, so he really hasn’t ever been on his own. I have not given a response other than asking a few questions. Truthfully the idea makes me mad as hell and I just want to tell him to leave if you want and take your damn brats with you! Then I calm down and realize I can’t live without him and the boys. Or maybe I can. I feel this is unbelievably selfish of him, but I kind of understand. But the boys have already been abandoned by their mother, how would this plan affect them? I am so confused, and hurt. Help!

Help! My Husband Wants to Move Out for a Year—and Leave His Kids.

Tags: Advice, Cheating, Children, Freedom, Gay, Hate, Lifestyle, Men In Charge, Nature, Parental Burden, Parental Crime, Sex

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10-May-2021


My Mom Demands an Apology Every Time I Ask Her a Simple Question 

 

I’m 27, and my mom and I grew up very close. It was often just me and her. I’ve supported myself since graduating college, and she now lives about 25 miles away. In the past few years, she has started escalating simple questions into situations she can control. For example, once I asked if she had any jumper cables she could lend me to jump my partner’s car battery. She told me she was calling a tow truck to take his car to a mechanic. She assumed the car would be unsalvageable, so she was also booking a rental.

Another time, I asked her for the title of a book she’d mentioned a while ago, and she said she was ordering a copy of it to my house. Whenever she does this, I try to calmly tell her to stop, since that’s not what I asked her for, and (in some cases, like the car) not her place. She usually doesn’t listen. Then I get flustered and end up repeating myself with less eloquence and more distress. Then she ends up crying, saying that she knows more than me, that I’m being unreasonable, and it’s “mean” to reject her help. When things cool down, I apologize, try to explain why I rejected her plans or “favors,” and ask her to please take things I ask for or about at face value. Then she just says that I’m wrong and insists on further apology and empathy for her. I don’t know how to stop this beyond never asking her for anything, even the title of a book, ever again. How do I break this pattern?

—Above and Beyond and Overboard

My Mom Demands an Apology Every Time I Ask Her a Simple Question

Tags: Advice, Mental Health, Misconduct, Parenting, Protections, Psychology, Punishment, Relationships, Threat, Training, Treatment

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09-May-2021


Help! I Caught My Husband Cheating, but I’m Not Sure I Want Him to Stop. 

 

Q. Should I let my husband cheat? I discovered my husband is having an affair with a woman at work. I saw them talking one day and got suspicious, so I looked at his texts. Then I angrily confronted her. Surprisingly, she’s really nice. She’s about 15 years older than us. She said they had a mutual attraction and he approached her, but she wasn’t in love with him and didn’t want to break up our marriage and would stop seeing him. He says the same thing—he really loves me, it’s just sex on a lunch break or after work. He enjoyed the excitement.

Help! I Caught My Husband Cheating, but I’m Not Sure I Want Him to Stop.

Tags: Advice, Cheating, Etiquette, Happiness, Interference, Marriage, Mental Health, Sacrifice, Sex, Woman's Rights, Women In Charge

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13-Apr-2021


Want To Avoid Raising Entitled Kids? Don’t Do These 4 Things. 

 

“If your brain isn’t cognitively ready to imagine someone else’s experience, it’s harder to have empathy,” said Pressman.

Yet it is important that as kids move from toddler-dom into the school-age years, parents actively teach them that they will not always get their way. Parents also should explain to children that not getting their way may feel bad, which is expected.

For example, when your child is shopping for a friend’s birthday present and they ask for a toy of their own, don’t give in, Pressman urged. Instead, maybe say something like: “We’re going into the store to buy a present for Billy. I know sometimes that can feel hard, and it’s hard to focus,” Pressman said. That’s it.

You’re giving them space to grapple with what it feels like to not get their way, and you’re showing them that you expect them to get through it. It can be a pretty powerful lesson, particularly when it’s repeated often as a natural part of growing up.

Want To Avoid Raising Entitled Kids? Don’t Do These 4 Things.

Tags: Advice, Children, Choices, Parental Burden, Responsibility, Self-defence, Training, Unruly Child

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29-Mar-2021


I’m a Straight Woman Who Married a Gay Man 

 

I met my husband 13 years ago, and we’ve been together ever since. We fell deeply, madly in love with each other and have been married for nine wonderful years now. He’s patient, kind, gentle-hearted. He’s also always been honest about being gay and has never hidden it from me. Only one of our mutual friends knows this about my husband. Our son also knows, since we thought it would be best to remain open with him about it, so he never “found out” by surprise or from our mutual friend. Our son took the news very well and doesn’t care that his father was gay.

I’ve never told my family, or really any of my friends, as I think they’d all be judgmental. My siblings don’t like my husband, but that’s a different letter in itself. So I’ve always kept it bottled up inside. He’s been married before, and divorced, to a straight woman, with whom he has a grown daughter. I’m a straight woman too. I’ve asked my husband about it, and he confirms that he’s gay, not bisexual. He left his first wife because of a lot of problems (and her infidelity), then he was in a few different relationships with other men, before he met his ex-boyfriend. They were still living together when we met. I’m confused by it all, and it has, at times, caused problems in our marriage, because of my lack of self-confidence. I have doubts that he might leave me someday for a gay relationship like he did his ex-wife. We’ve both been faithful to each other, and he loves me, and I love him. But is that good enough for him? Would you consider him bisexual or gay?

—Not-Quite-Lavender Marriage

I’m a Straight Woman Who Married a Gay Man

Tags: Advice, Gay, Humiliation, Investment, Lifestyle, Marriage, Masks, Men In Charge, Mental Health, Modernization, Neglect, Preference, Respect, Self Interest, Self-esteem, Sex, Sex Identity, Treatment

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20-Mar-2021


Help! My Daughter Wants to Be a Single Mom but Expects Me to Help Raise Her Baby. 

 

Q. Baby, not grandchild: Our oldest daughter is nearing 40 and frustrated by her lack of prospects in having a husband, a home, and a child. Her standards are profoundly high: must make six figures, be 6 feet tall, and no previous marriages or children. She is divorced herself. She is a very driven career woman and works 60 hour weeks regularly.

She announced to her father and me that she will be proceeding forward as a single mother and getting a sperm donation. We were happy but hesitant. That quickly turned to horror when our daughter told us she was looking to move back home with us. Her expectations were that I would be taking care of the baby while she continued her career normally. I love my children and I love my grandchildren, but I am done raising babies. My husband and I are nearing retirement and have plans that do not include diapers and midnight feedings.

We told our daughter this would not be possible and she became upset. She accused us of being “selfish” and denying her the chance of being a mother. My husband lost his temper and told her the only one who was being selfish here was her. She is the one making the choice to have a child and demanding everyone rearrange their lives over it. At this point, our daughter is no longer talking to us but is speaking to her siblings. She is proceeding with her plan and has an appointment at a clinic. If this works, this will be our first biological grandchildren (our son married a woman with older children). It breaks my heart that we might miss this. We tried reaching out to our daughter but no response. She can carry a grudge to the grave. What can we do here?

Help! My Daughter

Tags: Advice, Children, Choices, Enforcement, Etiquette, Exclusivity, Hate, Parental Burden, Priorities, Respect, Seniors, Unruly Child

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16-Mar-2021


When I Hoped for Lots of Sex, I Didn’t Mean It Like This! 

 

I (M27) have been with my current partner (F29) for five months, and I’m getting bored with sex. In general, I have always had a relatively high sex drive, and I have never experienced a loss of excitement/interest like this in previous relationships. My partner finds it extremely difficult to reach orgasm: In the five months we’ve been together, I think she has climaxed maybe three times. She has reassured me that I’m not doing anything wrong; apparently this has been a problem in all previous relationships. However, her frustration is obvious, and it often seems like we wind up having sex for far longer than either of us are having fun, because she is so intent on reaching an orgasm that never comes. I do sometimes enjoy long sex sessions, but now we’re having sex for at least an hour every time without fail. It’s tiring for me, and my partner is almost always frustrated at the end of it. Sex has become a chore, and it’s making me lose interest. I am extremely attracted to my partner, and I want to have lots of sex with her; I just don’t want to have sex like this with her.

One specific problem she has raised is that she finds condoms a turn-off and would prefer not to use them. We have both recently been tested, so I am OK with this in theory. However, she isn’t on any kind of birth control, and doesn’t want to go on birth control in case it affects her mental health. I don’t want to put her under pressure to go on birth control, but I’m not comfortable with the pull-out method. This has caused friction between us, because she claims pulling out is just as effective as using a condom. If we can’t agree on an alternative method of contraception, then I think the solution is for us to try to have sex in a way which is less goal-orientated. I suspect my partner would find it much easier to reach orgasm if she just allowed herself to “be in the moment” and enjoy sex for what it is, rather than treating it as a race to finish.

So I have two questions: 1) How can I suggest this without coming across like a “typical man” who doesn’t care whether or not his partner has an orgasm? 2) What can I do to help her get into a less goal-orientated mindset?

—Tired and Frustrated

When I Hoped for Lots of Sex, I Didn’t Mean It Like This!

Tags: Advice, Relationships, Sex

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15-Mar-2021


If Your Partner Is Asking You This One Question, They Could Be Cheating 

 

There are few things that stop a relationship in its tracks quite like cheating, but for many, the realization that someone’s stepping out isn’t exactly instantaneous. For lots of couples, things start to unravel as the red flags begin piling up. John Mayer, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and author recently told Prevention that there’s one relationship red flag you don’t want to miss, and it comes in the form of a question that may have started asking you recently.

If Your Partner Is Asking You This One Question, They Could Be Cheating

Tags: Advice, Cheating, NSFW, Relationships

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15-Mar-2021


My grandchild is trans, what do I do?

 

“My granddaughter just informed me she has decided she would be happier living as a boy, and she has gone so far as to legally change her name,” the grandmother, labeling herself “Grandma in Pain” wrote. “I want to be supportive, but I admit I’m having a lot of trouble accepting it, or at least figuring out how to deal with it.”

“She’s my only grandchild and most likely the only one I’ll ever have,” Grandma in Pain continued. I loved my granddaughter with all my heart, and I don’t know how to shift gears to a grandson. I keep stumbling when I try to use the new name. I would welcome any suggestions you could make, including information about support groups you might know of.”

My grandchild is trans, what do I do?

Tags: Advice, Change, Choices, Etiquette, Family, Grandparent, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Respect, Seniors, Sex Identity, Trans

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15-Mar-2021




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