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Health/Food Posts Tagged as 'Advice'

Welcome to Errattic! We encourage you to customize the type of information you see here by clicking the Preferences link on the top of this page.

 

I Want to Buy My Boyfriend an Ax for Christmas, but I’m Afraid He’ll Maim Himself 
 

I am getting a head start on the winter holidays by drawing up an early gift list, but I am stuck on one recipient in particular. My boyfriend is generally handy and especially enjoys building fires, and he has expressed interest in chopping wood for the last few fires we’ve had. Great, I thought—I can get him a high-quality ax or hatchet for Christmas. But then I started thinking about the potential for injuries. I have anxiety and know it can skew my perception of things, so I’m trying to think it through rationally. My boyfriend is very aware of safety and risk assessments in daily life, but he’s also not the most spatially aware person. He can be clumsy by himself or with others, especially after a few drinks. He’s also never been trained in any kind of ax safety. I still think he’d be delighted by this present, and part of me wants to be convinced by that alone, but another part of me thinks that even having an ax around would kick my fear of accidental injury into permanent overdrive. Should I try to muscle through the anxiety or start looking for a different present? Or is there a compromise here that would satisfy both my fears and my desire to impress with a cool gift?

—Ax Anxiety

I Want to Buy My Boyfriend an Ax for Christmas, but I’m Afraid He’ll Maim Himself

Tags: Advice, Confusion, Etiquette, Gifts, Investment, Relationships, Threat, Weird

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21-Nov-2020


My Husband Failed Two Polygraph Tests About His Infidelity 

 

Dear Prudence,
I am a professional woman who has been married for 16 years. My job is stressful, and I often work 12 hours or more. We have no children. At first things were wonderful, and my husband always seemed like a sweet, mild-mannered, caring man. Three years in, he was laid off because his company ran into financial trouble. Because I am a high-earner, I told him he didn’t need to go back to work as long as he kept the house up and did basic repair projects. He never went back to work, but he never kept the house up, either. We also hired housecleaners to visit every two weeks, but in between nothing got done. I asked him to go back to work. He didn’t. I strongly suspected he was having affairs a few years later, but he always denied it. I have no concrete proof, but he did many suspicious things like hiding months of phone bills and having midnight texts. Years later he voluntarily took two polygraph tests to save the marriage (we stopped having intimate relations five years ago mostly because I no longer admired, respected, or trusted him, and because of my resentment toward him on several levels). He failed the tests.

Until lately, I generally ignored all my feelings and went about trying to have a good life. My husband will not discuss our issues because, he says, he clams up or needs time to think. I verbalize my needs and frustrations all the time. At one point he started snapping at me and rolling his eyes, but I firmly and strongly told him to stop, which he mostly has. I demanded that he get a job, and he finally works 25 hours a week making a small salary. He knows I no longer love him (in the least), but he won’t leave. We now live in separate bedrooms. We have been to two marriage counselors. I have told him I will go back if he is willing to discuss his unfaithfulness, which he still denies. He states the lie-detector tests are invalid. The house and everything we own are paid for by me alone. I need to divorce, but he will take everything I own, plus alimony. On the surface, he is a nice, charming, religious guy. None of our friends know about our marriage troubles, and they would be shocked to hear this. Advice, please.

—Trapped

My Husband Failed Two Polygraph Tests About His Infidelity

Tags: Advice, Cheating, Choices, Divorce, Environment, Hate, Marriage, Men In Charge, Mental Health, Power, Struggling, Survival, Violence

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19-Nov-2020


I Have Devised a Potentially Disastrous Solution for My Husband’s Desire to Have a Kid 

 

My husband and I have been together for four years and married for one. I love him immensely and would do just about anything for him—except have kids. We discussed this before getting married, and I was indifferent. I pushed past not wanting to get married, so I thought I’d be able to push past how I felt about raising children.

Then I came up with a solution that may be extremely harmful to us or may be the answer to our prayers. I’ve suggested he co-parents with someone local, with whom he can have shared custody. He would be able to interact with his child every day—nurture, love, and raise them. The child can live with us occasionally, and I could be like an aunt: caring but ultimately not responsible. My husband did not initially like this idea. He saw it as intentionally having an “outside” child and felt he’d be painted the unfaithful partner whose wife was gracious enough to accept his infidelity. He argued that no one would believe that it was my choice. After the nth conversation, I think he realized that what was indifference from me has turned into an actual no. So now he’s come around.

But now a new problem has arisen: Hearing him talk about this potential child and opportunity and how he would spend hours a day away so he could get maximum time with this child has made me … jealous? I’m not even sure what this feeling is, because I can’t identify it. I don’t even recognize myself—I’ve turned into a monster who is threatened by a nonexistent child. I actually feel ashamed. Now I’m stuck. On one hand, if we negotiate a co-parenting situation, he could be satisfied and even happy. Yet this feeling I’m having is starting to get worse. I’m thinking about all the possible ways it could go wrong: custody battles, garnished wages, him leaving me for this woman he will be co-parenting with, and (shamefully) my feelings being hurt. I don’t know if we’d survive, and I feel he’d blame me if it went awry. On the other hand, he wants kids, and there’s a very real possibility he could leave. There’s a part of me that says I could just have his kids and solve this problem, but then I’d be the miserable one. Is there a solution somewhere that I’m not seeing?

—His and Not Hers

I Have Devised a Potentially Disastrous Solution for My Husband’s Desire to Have a Kid

Tags: Advice, Children, Choices, Exclusivity, Family, Hypocrisy, Parental Burden, Parental Crime, Responsibility, Self-defence, Support, Unity, Women In Charge

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18-Nov-2020


Too Full to Fuck You can’t always make room for a dick. Especially if you’ve eaten dessert.

 

I love to eat (ever since I got over my fear of eating). I tend to eat until I feel sick. Similar to how people test their alcohol consumption to see how much they can drink without puk­ing, I’ve tested how much food I can eat and still fuck. On nights I know I’m going to be having sex, of course I eat less, which is annoying but in the end it’s worth it, because you get to have sex and feel good and not bloated while having it. This — and the fact that you shaved for no reason — is why being flaked on sucks, especially for girls, because in antici­pation of hanging out, we ate just one piece of pizza instead of the regular four, and now it’s late and we’re hungry and we didn’t even get laid. Although not eating and then getting flaked on is still preferable to the times where we eat a shit­ load and then randomly get asked to hang out. This is most distressing because there is almost nothing in the world we wouldn’t drop to spend time with our crush. The only rea­son we will say no to a spontaneous hang is because it’s after dinner and we don’t feel hot. It will pain us to say no for this reason, but trust me, we will.

Too Full to Fuck You can’t always make room for a dick. Especially if you’ve eaten dessert.

Gif: it's not poop it's candy. 17-Nov-2020

Tags: Advice, Anal, Choices, Environment, Food, Illness, Men, Men In Charge, Nature, Self-esteem, Sex, Weird, Woman's Rights

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17-Nov-2020


We Walked In on My Husband With a Man. Now Our Son Is Acting Homophobic. 

 

A few weeks ago, I was supposed to take my sons to an outdoor activity that ended up getting canceled due to weather. We found out about the cancellation when we were halfway there. Before I turned around, I texted my husband that we would be heading home and never got a text back. This wasn’t unusual, as he usually puts his phone on “do not disturb” while he’s working. When we got home, I opened the door to find my husband and his best friend, “Ryan,” completely naked, and having fairly rough sex on our dining room table. They had music blaring, so they didn’t hear us come in, and my sons and I were all in shock and just stood there for a good 30 to 60 seconds before I was able to shut the music off, and they realized what was going on and could cover up. Obviously, this is a bit of a chaotic situation.

Ryan is like an uncle to my kids, has dinner at our house several times a week, has occasionally lived with us, and he and my husband actually work together. My husband and I are planning on staying together and are still trying to figure a lot of things out. Here’s the problem: My younger son (6) is pretty oblivious and thought Uncle Ryan was wrestling with his dad. My middle son (9) is very confused about the mechanics of what we saw (we’ve had the sex talk with him, but in hindsight, we made the mistake of only talking about heterosexual sex). My older son (12) is having a very difficult time. My middle son has a lot of questions that I’m not really sure how to answer, and I’m not sure how much detail I should be going into, and who should be leading this conversation (me? my husband? a doctor?). I’ve been getting phone calls home from my older son’s school. Ever since the incident, he has apparently been making derogatory remarks about gay people, using slurs, and is also refusing to speak to his father (they were previously pretty close). The school is threatening to expel him. We’re on the waitlist for individual and family therapy, but I was wondering if you guys had any advice about what to do with my two older sons?

—What Now?

We Walked In on My Husband With a Man.

Tags: Advice, Cheating, Children, Choices, Environment, Gay, Hate, Hypocrisy, LGBTQ, Men In Charge, Mental Health, Neglect, Parental Burden, Parental Crime, Reaction, Sex, Sex Identity, Youth

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15-Nov-2020


Help! I Catfished a Much Younger Man to Help Get Out the Vote. 

 

Q. Catfishing: My daughters have been phone banking, calling Arizona and Michigan and so on to get out the vote. I didn’t want to do that but I felt guilty. Then I read an article in Slate about using the dating app Hinge to get out the vote. That sounded like fun to me, so I set up an account. I figured that there were few people my age (about 70) on Hinge, so I used a pic that was 40(!) years old and pretended to be young, single, and child-free. My state was also in the bag as far as electoral votes were concerned, so I decided to “live” in another state. Anyway, you could say I was catfishing, but I figured it was for a good cause—no one would get hurt, thus, no harm, no foul.

However. I found a match. Of course he is much younger than I am and lives in a different state. But we are politically similar. And we have the same (very niche!) hobby. (I can’t name the hobby, because all my friends who read this column would immediately identify me! But, as a false example, it is not that we both like to read biographies—it is more like we both like to make art with old encyclopedias. So we share this unusual passion.)

Now I want to tell him the truth and be friends. But I know that no one wants to be fooled. Is there any way to break the news—that I am decades older than he is and not interested in dating—that would not destroy this budding relationship?

Help! I Catfished a Much Younger Man to Help Get Out the Vote.

Tags: Advice, Choices, Fake, Interference, LGBTQ, Maturity, Mental Health, Politics, Reckless, Social Media, Unruly Child

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10-Nov-2020


Dear Therapist: I Had a Great Relationship With My In-Laws. Then Everything Changed. 

 

My husband and I have been together for seven years and married for three. We have a 1-year-old daughter together.

It took me a long time to get into a relationship; I wanted to find someone I could get along with, but also in-laws I could get along with, because I grew up watching my parents fight about their parents all the time. When my husband and I first met, his family was very kind to me. In fact, his family and I often joke that I married him because his family was so awesome.

After I gave birth to our daughter, everything changed. I am suddenly being judged for not being a good mom, for not having a job, for not losing my pregnancy weight fast enough. My husband does not want to be stuck in the middle, and even though he’ll speak to his parents about this, nothing gets resolved, because he doesn’t push them for any kind of resolution. He basically tells them something they did wasn’t nice, they acknowledge it and sometimes apologize, and then they make more unnecessary comments.

My in-laws purchased a home for us after the birth of our baby. I realize now that this purchase came with a lot of strings attached. They want to see their granddaughter whenever it is convenient for them—not for us or when it’s best for our daughter. They don’t practice social distancing. When I bring this up to my husband, he tells me that we need to be accommodating to his parents because they purchased the home for us and we’d be considered ungrateful. I tell him that I’d be happy to move and rent if I would have more control over my life and my daughter’s. He says his parents would view this as a “slap in the face.”

As much as I love my husband, I feel like the relationship I have with my in-laws is making this marriage difficult, because at the end of the day, he’ll choose his parents’ feelings over mine.

I don’t want my daughter growing up to see us fighting about her grandparents, as I did with my parents. Many times I’ve found myself holding my tongue to keep the peace. I want to set clear boundaries with my in-laws but also have a great relationship with them.

Do you have any insight for me?

Anonymous
Toronto

Dear Therapist: I Had a Great Relationship With My In-Laws. Then Everything Changed.

Tags: Advice, Children, Choices, Environment, Family, Hostility, Men In Charge, Mental Health, Relationships, Respect, Threat

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09-Nov-2020


Help! How Do I Talk to My Husband About the Creepy Thing He’s Doing on Instagram? 

 

Q. My husband’s “Likes”: We have close family friends with a beautiful and charming 19-year-old daughter. She is like a niece to us. My husband has made her uncomfortable twice by remarking, “Mmm! Look at Kelly!” when she’s entered a room dressed up for an outing or work. (The “Mmm!” being the sort of sound one makes in appreciation of a delicious-looking food, for example.) Her discomfort was clear—she turned red and exited the room both times.

He now is following her on Instagram and “likes” EVERY single post she puts up. (And she posts frequently!) I’ve spoken to him about not commenting on her appearance, especially with the loud, “Mmm!” noise. He seemed slightly mortified. Do I need to suggest he stop with all the Instagram attention? It seems kinda creepy to me, but perhaps I am seeing something that isn’t even an issue. I remember receiving unwanted attention from middle-aged men in my teen years, so I could be projecting here.

Help! How Do I Talk to My Husband About the Creepy Thing He’s Doing on Instagram?

Salt Life Co-Founder Reportedly Admits to Killing Teen Girlfriend

Tags: Advice, Awareness, Business, Choices, Crime, Daddy Squish, Environment, Etiquette, Family, Marriage, Men In Charge, Murder, Parenting, Priorities, Relationships, Respect, Responsibility, Safety, Sex, Threat, Youth

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09-Nov-2020


My Boyfriend’s Mom Suddenly Hates Me


 

Dear Prudence,

I’ve been dating an Asian American man for the better part of a year, and he’s the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. His mother and I got along for about six months. I was invited over for dinner, stayed at their house (he lives with his parents), and we even exchanged phone numbers. My boyfriend agrees that I was polite to her and never stepped on her toes. Recently they got into an argument (she didn’t know I was there), and she went on a tirade about how he shouldn’t bring his “little girlfriend” into her house anymore, that I was not a member of their family and was no longer welcome. He tried to reassure me that it was something she said in the heat of the moment, but she’s stood by those words. I’m devastated.

I can’t stop thinking that perhaps she wanted her son to date someone else. My free trial in their home has expired, and she’s ready for her son to date a woman from their heritage. When I’ve been in the house since then, she stands in the backyard until I leave. English is not her first language, and I’m not sure it’d be productive for me to talk to her myself. What would you do in this situation?

—No Longer Welcome

My Boyfriend’s Mom Suddenly Hates Me

Tags: Advice, Culture, Dating, Environment, Family, Hate, Judgment, Mental Health, Parental Burden, Parental Crime, Preference, Relationships, Termination, Threat

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08-Nov-2020


My Daughter’s New Friends (and Their Parents) Are Terribly Racist 

 

My husband and I (as well as our daughter, “Chloe”) moved to a new state about a year and a half ago. We live in an extremely White suburb that is surrounded by a large, non-White city. We wanted to live in the city, but the crime rate caused us to look elsewhere. As a result, everyone in our neighborhood is White. There are eight other children that live in our neighborhood that are around my daughter’s age (she’s 7). The first few months were great, and she was constantly going over to other kids’ houses to play or inviting them here. She was a little socially behind in our last town, so I was happy she had made friends. But then I started to notice that her friends were terribly racist, and after inviting the kids’ parents over for dinner … the parents are racist too. Not just microaggressions or an off-color joke (which would be bad enough by itself), but just full-on, blatant racism. Even my husband, who is from a small town that still has Klan activity, was shocked and appalled.

I don’t want my daughter spending time with these children. When the pandemic happened, we didn’t have to worry about it too much because no one was seeing anyone. But the neighborhood kids have started spending time together again (at a distance), and my daughter has been asking to go outside and play. The kids have also come and knocked on the door a few times asking for my daughter, but I made up an excuse. On the one hand, I don’t want to deprive my daughter of friends (she goes to an extremely small magnet school and isn’t really fitting in there, not to mention her classmates live 30-plus minutes away). On the other hand, I don’t want her to befriend racists! My daughter recently told me she had been feeling left out. What do I do?

—Not Raising a Racist

My Daughter’s New Friends (and Their Parents) Are Terribly Racist

Tags: Advice, Children, Choices, Environment, Fear, Friendship, Hate, Mental Health, Neighbor, Parental Burden, Politics, Racism, Relationships, Safety, Substitute, Treatment, Weird

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06-Nov-2020


Dear Fuck-Up, 

 

I am currently in the very shady shitty midst of a divorce. Our marriage ended for a lot of valid reasons (incompatibility, mutual depressions, denial, etc.) that truly don’t have much to do with the following bit of info. My husband had a very (very!) close friendship with a female mutual friend of ours. They’d been friends since childhood (20+ years) and she subsequently became a really good friend of mine in the 10 years of our relationship. BUT in the last eight months of my marriage they engaged in an “emotional affair.” It was very unsubtly inappropriate and disrespectful. The extent of which I may never fully know because, they, obviously, both turned out to be disappointing, dishonest, and shitty people.

He moved in with her (sorry, “rented a room” from her) six weeks after we decided to end our marriage and now three months later is in a public relationship with her. This has been a fully awful and emotionally devastating experience for me. I’ve been heartbroken, angry, humiliated, stressed the fuck out.

My actual question revolves around how I can express my feelings about this devious gash. My husband will pay (a fucking lot) in our divorce settlement, and he has enough self-awareness to know he is a bad man and a miserable shit. His personal shame kind of settles my animosity towards him.

But her! I am a sex positive person who is pro-sex-work and loudly disparages people who attempt to besmirch strippers, porn actors, or prostitutes. YET, all I want to do is call this dumb bitch a stupid whore. Ditsy hoe. Dirty slizz. Etc.

How can I reconcile my feminism with my need to hate on this horrid bitch? Especially since now that I am single af, I am ‘bout to hit up all the dick?

Signed,

Not So Feminist

Dear Fuck-Up,

Tags: Advice, Anxiety, Cheating, Choices, Divorce, Environment, Etiquette, Feminism, Friendship, Men In Charge, Mental Health, Misrepresentation, Perception, Threat, Treatment, Woman's Rights

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05-Nov-2020


My 35-Year-Old Sister-in-Law Might Be Pregnant by a 17-Year-Old 

 

Dear Prudence,

My sister-in-law has had an affair with a 17-year-old boy (she’s 35) and might be pregnant. My sister has taken off with their twins to go stay with our mother in Mexico. Oh yes, my mother moved there two years ago to join a cult. She left the cult but stayed in the country. Our dad is still married to her, despite his five-year relationship with his “housekeeper” he thinks we don’t know about. But we never had a housekeeper growing up, he’s certainly not wealthy enough to afford a live-in employee now, and we all know “Gwen” doesn’t do much to look after the house.

Is it awful that I’m just not involved? Usually I’d be in the thick of it, being the designated fixer and “good daughter.” Except it’s a pandemic and I’ve just stayed out of it. It’s bliss. I obviously know what’s happening, but due to time differences and working from home, most of my information comes via email. I let it sit in the inbox till I’m ready to look at it, and it’s just not as fraught as talking to a devastated relative face-to-face. I have been supportive, or at least not outright accusatory, at my sister-in-law (17!), but just at a remove. As far as I can tell this new distance hasn’t changed anyone else’s lives, just mine. Yet I do feel guilty for not being elbow-deep in the mess with everyone else. That’s what families do, right? Pitch in? I didn’t realize how tired I was of it all, until I realized I could actually live in peace.

—Out of the Game

My 35-Year-Old Sister-in-Law Might Be Pregnant by a 17-Year-Old

Tags: Advice, Etiquette, Family, Freedom, Interference, Mental Health, Pederast, Perception, Recovery, Relationships, Safety, Sex

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29-Oct-2020


Dear Abby: Her pet name for my husband is out of line, but they won’t stop 

 

DEAR ABBY: A young, attractive female co-worker of my husband’s addresses him by his first name ending with “ly” (example: “Georgely”). When I asked how the name was acquired, both of them claimed they didn’t remember.

They know I do not approve, particularly on social media for the world to see.

I consider pet names a term of endearment, to be reserved for one’s significant other. Am I out of line, or are they?

NAME-DROPPING IN WISCONSIN

Dear Abby: Her pet name for my husband is out of line, but they won’t stop

Tags: Advice, Cheating, Horniness, Marriage, Men, Profiling, Relationships, Sex, Threat, Woman's Rights

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23-Oct-2020


What It Means When You Have Gay Or Lesbian Sex Dreams 

 

When I was 14, I had a particularly vivid dream about Helen Hunt. I know, just go with me on this.

In the dream, she was teaching me how to play the piano, an instrument I have inexplicably always found to be very sexy (but probably because of that one scene in Pretty Woman). After I'd performed well, she leaned over and gave me a kiss.

My mom, being of sound mind and body, rolled her eyes and told me to stop 1) eating so many weird midnight snacks, and 2) worrying about my sexual orientation.

4. Gay or lesbian sex dreams might mean you're pregnant.

What It Means When You Have Gay Or Lesbian Sex Dreams

Tags: Advice, Dreams, LGBTQ, Portrait, Relationships, Release, Sex, Sex Identity

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23-Oct-2020


When Are Babies Scared Of Strangers? Experts Weigh In 
 

Some folks just can't help themselves. If they see a baby, it's like they must make faces at them, wave to them, or just say hi before they burst. (It's me. I'm some folks.) Sometimes this goes well. Other times the baby is terrified. But when are babies scared of strangers? I would like to know so I don't cause a meltdown by waving to a baby who is just minding their own business.

When Are Babies Scared Of Strangers? Experts Weigh In

Tags: Advice, Children, Choices, Etiquette, Family, Fear, Health, Men, Mental Health, Parenting, Safety, Training, Vulnerable

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20-Oct-2020




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