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Health/Food Posts Tagged as 'Advice'

Welcome to Errattic! We encourage you to customize the type of information you see here by clicking the Preferences link on the top of this page.

 

How to Tell Your Partner You Want to Be Sexually Degraded 

 

“The repression industrial complex is strong,” Lil Government added. “Many of us grow up being told that discussing sex openly is inappropriate, all porn is bad, dressing a certain way invites harassment, etc. Views like this shut off healthy communication about sexuality, in society and in our own bedrooms, allowing puritanical shame to flourish. With your partners, the fear may be rejection or being seen as weird or fucked up. These fears are valid, and we all must weigh the risks of derision or judgment to find a deeper sense of ourselves and our community.”

...You Want to Be Sexually Degraded

Tags: Advice, Preference, Sex

Permalink

18-Sep-2021


Size DOES matter! 

 

Reducing the depth of penetration by an inch led to a statistically meaningful drop in the amount of pleasure experienced.

'The longer the erect penis, the less likely the rings had an impact on sexual pleasure,' they write.

Size DOES matter!

My Husband Is Suddenly Very “Well Endowed”

Teen gets USB cable stuck in penis...

Tags: Advice, Anatomy, Discovery, Marriage, Men, Relationships, Satisfaction, Sex, Study, Women In Charge, Youth

Permalink

17-Sep-2021


13 Red Flags In A Relationship You Shouldn't Ignore 

 

8. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a type of manipulation that's used to maintain control over another person and involves actively denying that person's reality. For the person on the receiving end, being gaslit can feel extremely disorienting and make them question their own emotions and intuition. Page notes this is a big red flag. If you're upset about something, and this person tells you "you're being dramatic" or "that never happened," not only are they not taking accountability, but they're trying to control you and the narrative of your relationship.

13 Red Flags

Woman, 24, kicks stunned boyfriend out of their apartment when hearing him swear at her beloved cat

Florida woman is charged with animal cruelty after throwing ex-boyfriend’s caged cat Stanley into a river

8 DATING RED FLAGS YOU NEED TO LOOK OUT FOR

Tags: Advice, Animals, Hostility, List, Pets, Relationships, Warning

Permalink

08-Sep-2021


My Wife Is Mad I Found Our Child’s Donor Siblings 

 

My wife and I, both women, have one child, who is now 5. We used a sperm donor from a federally licensed bank, to ensure our legal parental rights. I conceived and carried the baby, and both our names are on the birth certificate. Here’s the thing: A couple of months ago, I brought up with my wife the prospect of finding our kid’s donor siblings. She told me she wasn’t crazy about the idea but that I should go ahead and do what I want (obviously, this was said without enthusiasm). I brought it up to her several times after that, and her response was the same fatalistic, “Do what you want, obviously my wishes don’t matter here.” I took my spouse at her word, and started looking. In a secure, vetted fashion (through the sperm bank itself), I was able to find a group of other families who used the same donor. And there are a bunch of kids—over a dozen!

I am overjoyed. I’m excited about the prospect of meeting these families, of our children having close relationships with their half-siblings as they grow up. Seeing pictures, hearing family stories, and learning about medical histories are all great outcomes of this. And as a lesbian, I am excited to connect with a lot of other families, many of them LGBTQ, and have a sense of community with them. My wife is threatened by all of this. She says it feels like I am saying, “Here’s our kid’s real family.” I feel that her stance is emotionally immature and centers herself, not our child’s needs. My wife was really upset over my findings. She has asked me to not tell our child (yet?), and told me she felt hurt because deciding to contact donor siblings was something she wanted us to do together. Which is clearly not true!

My Wife Is Mad

Tags: Advice, DNA, Family, Lesbian, LGBTQ, Mental Health, Parental Burden, Relationships, Respect

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05-Sep-2021


I’m Being Shamed for Not Being an “Activist” on Social Media. 

 

I know this is a ridiculous question but bear with me. Is it OK to not use my social media to post about activism, racial justice, etc.?

I (a white woman) work at a pro–racial justice nonprofit (and have done so my entire career), actively making decisions in my own life—schools, neighborhoods, houses of worship, etc.—to live my values. I have generally used social media to stay connected with folks and share more personal updates about my nonwork life. Last summer, I began feeling guilty that I didn’t engage in public activism on my social media. I follow a number of activist accounts, but don’t share or broadcast this. The guilt pushed me to post more actively about racial justice. But every time I posted, it was never just the right thing—folks on both sides of the political spectrum sent me messages nitpicking my phrasing or what I chose to share/not share, and I constantly felt angry and on edge. I also engaged less in in-person conversations because I was so jaded by the “unproductivity” of these online conversations.

I’m Being Shamed

Tags: Activism, Advice, Bullying, Culture, Environment, Guilt, Loneliness, Politics, Relationships, Social Distance, Social Media, Treatment

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12-Aug-2021


Want To Avoid Raising Entitled Kids? Don’t Do These 4 Things. 

 

“If your brain isn’t cognitively ready to imagine someone else’s experience, it’s harder to have empathy,” said Pressman.

Yet it is important that as kids move from toddler-dom into the school-age years, parents actively teach them that they will not always get their way. Parents also should explain to children that not getting their way may feel bad, which is expected.

For example, when your child is shopping for a friend’s birthday present and they ask for a toy of their own, don’t give in, Pressman urged. Instead, maybe say something like: “We’re going into the store to buy a present for Billy. I know sometimes that can feel hard, and it’s hard to focus,” Pressman said. That’s it.

You’re giving them space to grapple with what it feels like to not get their way, and you’re showing them that you expect them to get through it. It can be a pretty powerful lesson, particularly when it’s repeated often as a natural part of growing up.

Want To Avoid Raising Entitled Kids? Don’t Do These 4 Things.

Mother DELETES 14-year-old influencer daughter's social media account with 1.7 MILLION followers

Many parents are saying no to sleepovers. At what cost?

Tags: Advice, Children, Choices, Fear, Friendship, Mental Health, Neglect, Parental Burden, Responsibility, Self-defence, Training, Unruly Child

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11-Aug-2021


How parents can help kids deal with back-to-school anxiety 

 

As a researcher who’s studied children’s mental health for decades, I know that predictability helps prevent anxiety in children. Predictability means things going along as they’ve always gone: sleep at night, up in the morning, cornflakes for breakfast, off to school, activities in the afternoon, dinner with the family. In Louise Fitzhugh’s children’s novel “Harriet the Spy,” Harriet’s mother can’t believe that her daughter always takes a tomato sandwich to school. Always. Harriet has no interest in variety. She’s perfectly happy with the same sandwich, year after year.

Given children’s fondness for sameness and predictability, it should be no surprise that a global pandemic that halted school as kids know it, slammed the brakes on seeing friends, stopped extracurricular activities and banished all but immediate family members would have a profound impact on children’s anxiety

How parents can help kids deal with back-to-school anxiety

Tags: Advice, Anxiety, Children, Health, Parenting, Support

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06-Aug-2021


My Teen Changes Their Queer Identity Every Week and I Can’t Take It Anymore 

 

I need some help gaining perspective on my 15-year-old child’s whiplash approach to gender and sexuality. For the last three years, they have been on a journey with regard to their sexuality, declaring and changing identities one every few weeks or months, even when those identities have been both contradictory (how can one be both asexual and polyamorous?) and hypothetical (my kid isn’t dating and hasn’t dated). They are committed to being anything but cisgender and hetero, and that identity—whatever it turns out to be—appears from their actions and words to be the central part of their sense of self. They spent a lot of time on queer wikis, looking up new possible identities. They avidly “ship” fictional characters into same-sex couples, express anger/disappointment when shows/books have hetero couples, and talk constantly about LGBTQIA issues, representation, etc.

I have been, and want to be, supportive. My kid deserves to be loved and celebrated for who they are, and however their identity settles out is fine with me. But I am also struggling with these rapid changes. In the last two weeks, my kid has changed their name once and pronouns twice, colored their hair, worn exaggeratedly feminine eye makeup, pinned their hair up to look masculine, purchased a bikini and a dress and then asked me to buy them a binder (because they think it would be “fun” to look like a boy sometimes). At this point, it feels like they’re trying on identities like costumes, and that makes me very uncomfortable. None of it feels authentic—it seems more like a bid to stand out in a crowd or perhaps to find the limits of my acceptance.

I have worked so hard to make sure my kids know they are loved unconditionally, but if this kid is looking for a boundary, maybe I should set one? I literally squirmed when I wrote that sentence; setting a random limit on acceptance goes against everything I believe. But at the same time, I am so, so tired of hearing about their identity day after day after day and of trying to keep up with the changes. They’re a great, smart, interesting kid for a dozen different reasons; their gender/sexuality is just one aspect of their personality. Would it be wrong of me to say, in essence, “I love you, and will never not love you. When you figure out your identity let me know, and in the meantime can we maybe stop talking about it all the time?” Also, as the world opens up and my kid spends more time outside of our home, can I/should I ask them to be more thoughtful in how they present themselves? It seems to me that trans and nonbinary people cannot simply change their identities and expression for “fun,” so my kid’s behavior feels a little bit like cosplaying in a way that could be hurtful. Or do I just keep keeping my mouth shut, do my best to remember this week’s identity, and pray that this phase ends soon?

My Teen Changes Their Queer Identity Every Week

Three family members are charged with child abuse 'after they shaved the word

City councilor facing calls to resign says gender identity is “magical thinking”

She Told Everyone How Painful Her Gender Confirmation Surgery Was. And Then She Died.

Fourth-Graders Told Not to Tell Parents About Questions on 'Equity' Survey They Were Forced to Fill Out

Moment man in yellow floral dress is arrested 'for stealing school bus

Father plans legal action after gender clinic planned to give his 9-year-old autistic son puberty blockers

Ex-barrister lost his job as a volunteer counsellor with the charity after raising fears over the way children confused about their gender are rushed into changing sex

Virginia police arrest Internet personality 'Chris Chan' following leaked confession of elder abuse and non-consensual 'love quest'

AMA proposes not recording babies' sex on birth certificates

Tags: Abuse, Advice, Children, Choices, Confusion, Education, Employment, Enforcement, Helpline, LGBTQ, Medical, Mental Health, Opinion, Parental Burden, Parental Crime, Rape, Safety, Seniors, Sex, Sex Identity, Surgery, Trans, Treatment, Video, Violence, Youth

Permalink

02-Aug-2021


My Husband Won’t Speak to Me if I Don’t Pay Him a “Tithe.” 

 

I have been married to my husband for about 10 years and together for 15. We sort of have a great marriage, but only “on paper” and “when things are working.” I am most likely the problem. My business was decimated during COVID, so I took a full-time job. But I still have my (entrepreneurial) business and it has also returned to full-time. My husband doesn’t want me to give up my full-time stable paycheck—I get that. He also makes at least quadruple what I do. Part of the issue is that he controls our finances. I do contribute, but the amount I pay monthly is referred to (by him) as “the tithe.” If I don’t pay “the tithe,” he speaks to me less. But none of this is the real issue! It’s that when I do something wrong, whether by accident or not, he stops speaking to me. If I do something he doesn’t like, he won’t speak to me for HOURS until he asks me if I am ready to apologize. I am not a pushover type of person. I am strong and smart and dynamic and a leader. But I am not passive-aggressive and don’t have the energy to battle this on a passive-aggressive level. I tend towards direct confrontation. It doesn’t work. Trying to discuss things calmly doesn’t work. I just don’t know what to do. I think my husband hates me but won’t say it. How can I deal with our different styles of conflict?— Hated By Husband

My Husband Won’t Speak to Me

Tags: $, Abuse, Advice, Cheating, Mental Health, Relationships, Struggling, Survival, Threat, Woman's Rights

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30-Jul-2021


I Think My Adult Stepsons May Be Sleeping Together. 

 

My husband and I are at crossroads about how to confront our sons about a discovery we made while visiting their shared flat. They are stepbrothers technically—note the word “technically.” My husband and I are both widowers who met and bonded at a support group for single parents surviving after cancer.

My son was 10 when I met my husband and 12 when we married. My stepson is 9 months younger, so they are very close in age. After a somewhat rocky start (both boys were grieving and trying to adjust to a new family norm), they became the best of friends, inseparable from about age 13. They even took the same classes together in high school so they could spend more time together, and made sure to go to the same university.

They are both adults now (25 and 26), live a state over, and rent a flat together. We went to visit them once COVID restrictions had eased, and my husband accidentally walked into the second bedroom (in a two-bedroom flat) thinking it was the bathroom, and discovered it was set up as an office. My husband’s curiosity got the better of him and he snuck around, discovering one king-sized bed in the only other bedroom that contained both of their stuff.

I Think My Adult Stepsons May Be Sleeping Together

Should I Tell My Father I Slept With His Horrible Wife?

Tags: Advice, Boundaries, Family, Gay, LGBTQ, Marriage, Parental Burden, Priorities, Relationships, Sex

Permalink

25-Jul-2021


American Parents Are Way Too Focused on Their Kids’ Self-Esteem 

 

American parents today are also quick to protect their kids from disappointment and failure. We give participation trophies when kids don’t win first place; we fly into the school to deliver kids’ forgotten homework. But these well-meaning interventions backfire because a child with healthy self-esteem is a child who has learned, through experience, that he can overcome obstacles and disappointment. He’s had the opportunity to fail and has discovered that failing doesn’t preclude him from being loved.

American Parents Are Way Too Focused on Their Kids’ Self-Esteem

Tags: Advice, Americans, Children, Choices, Discipline, Parental Burden, Parenting, Psychology, Study, Treatment

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21-Jul-2021


How To Mess Up Your Relationship With Your Parents 

 

We all messed up the relationship with our parents at least once. Remember that time when dad didn’t talk to you for weeks? What about mom? Did she try to fix it up with a family dinner?

Well, you might not be that young, but what difference does this make. Most adults have a somewhat challenging relationship with their parents. While parents neglect the fact that you are a responsible grown-up, you are hiding behind their wisdom. How many times have you asked your parents for their advice regardless of their experience level? Hopefully, not too many times. We all make that mistake because we neglect that our parents don’t know it all.

Two out of three (66%) of adolescents age 12–17 live with both parents, 24% with their mother only, 5% with their father only, and 5% with neither parent [1]. The quality of parents’ relationships makes a difference to children in many ways. — Act for Youth

How To Mess Up Your Relationship With Your Parents

Gayle King reveals she is BANNING unvaccinated family members from Thanksgiving

Moms and dads watch while children, aged 5 to 7, engage in 'full-on fight fest' after school in Brooklyn park

Mayor de Blasio insists mask mandate WILL be in effect in NYC public schools this fall despite latest CDC guidance

Parents of toddler who plunged 150 feet to her death when her grandfather accidentally dropped her from deck of cruise ship have lost

CBS News reporter quits, says she can now 'be candid' about her support for 'abortion rights'

5-Year-Old Ohio Boy Shot by 'Intoxicated' Mother, Currently in Stable Condition, Police Say

Teen shot friend in West Jordan church parking lot

Far more adults don’t want children than previously thought

Marie Claire sparks outrage among pro-life groups with article saying Hollywood should depict MORE abortions because that is more reflective of reality

Tags: Abortion, Advice, Ban, Celebration, Celebrity, Children, Choices, Coronavirus, Family, History, Opinion, Parental Burden, Perception, Protection, Psychology, Relationships, Responsibility, Safety, Survival, Treatment, Vaccine

Permalink

19-Jul-2021


My Ex-Boyfriend Wants to Pay Me to Go on Dates. 

 

I’m a college student who, a little over a month ago, broke it off with a guy I’d been in a relationship with for 10 months. There was no spark, and I felt like being single and exploring other options. My ex is completely, unabashedly in love with me still and has been taking it really hard. He calls and texts me constantly asking for me back.

I’ve been broke lately, and I mentioned to him off-hand that I’m worried about funding my study abroad this summer. He then offered to pay me to go on dates with him—just a couple dates, until I leave next month. No sex, just “hanging out, the way we used to”—dinner, movies, etc. I’m not worried about the ethics of being paid for something like this (before his offer, I was considering using a get-paid-for-dates service, but I’d rather do that with someone I know); the problem is that I can’t shake the feeling that this is wrong for me to do with him and would only exacerbate things. I feel sorry for him. It seems pragmatic and makes sense in theory—he misses me, so he gets to date me, and I get money for my travels—and he’s a grown man who can make his own decisions about what’s best for him, but I feel like it’d be crazy for me to take him up on his offer. Thoughts?

My Ex-Boyfriend Wants to Pay Me to Go on Dates.

Tags: $, Advice, Dating, Etiquette, Safety, Sex Work, Superiority, Support, Termination, Threat, Treatment, Warning

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20-Jun-2021


How Can You Foster Vulnerability in Your Relationship?

Take More Risks 
 

Blah, blah, blah...

How Can You Foster Vulnerability in Your Relationship? Take More Risks

...so he can fuck you up the ass! Never ever be vulnerable! Better safe than sorry. Every time I was vulnerable in any relationship, they used it against me and fucked me up the ass, in every connotation. Fuck the experts and their guilt trips. 12-Jun-2021

Tags: Advice, Fail, Psychology, Relationships, Stupid

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12-Jun-2021


My Introverted Teen Is Desperate to Be Popular 

 

I know this is going to sound like a nonproblem at first, but there is a deeper issue that troubles me. Our 16-year-old son is an amazing kid: intelligent, hardworking, and athletic. He is a straight-A student who juggles multiple AP classes with a demanding sports schedule. He is one of the top three students in his class and is also being recruited by college coaches for his sport. But ever since he was in elementary school, we’ve had the same experience at the end-of-year awards ceremonies: He’ll occasionally get recognized for the “objective” awards, like honor roll or scoring the highest on foreign-language tests, but he has never won a single “subjective” award, the ones selected by teachers/coaches or voted on by his peers. When he was little, we would console him by saying “Don’t worry, just keep working hard and maybe you’ll get one next year!”

But after several years of that, we changed our message, instead emphasizing that hard work is its own reward, and that we are proud of him for his diligence and work ethic. I suspect one of the reasons he gets so little recognition is his personality: He is extremely quiet, introverted, and serious. He has a handful of close friends but gets along with everybody; his school tends to be a bit “clique-ish,” but he is one of the few students who has good friends among both the “smart kids” and the athletes.

I’m not concerned about the awards themselves or about him impressing anyone else. Now that he’s older, he tends to brush it off as no big deal. But I just watched him sit through yet another awards ceremony with a forced smile on his face and tears in his eyes as every one of his friends at the table got a special award from one of the teachers or coaches. He sometimes comments about feeling “invisible” because he doesn’t have the charm and charisma of some of his peers. We’ve tried telling him that sometimes teachers like to reward students for their effort since the students who excel in class already get the reward of good grades. But this doesn’t feel right either, especially after seeing him come home exhausted from a three-hour sports practice and then stay up till 1 a.m. studying.

After 10-plus years of this, I can’t help worrying that maybe we should be giving him different advice—instead of preaching self-acceptance, perhaps we should be telling him to adjust his personality, so he is a bit more likable? He is headed to college soon, so maybe I should do nothing and let him figure it out himself?

—Mom of the Invisible Man

My Introverted Teen Is Desperate to Be Popular

Tags: Advice, Children, Etiquette, Exclusivity, Mental Health, Modernization, Parental Burden, Parental Crime, Perception, Performance, Privilege, Protest, Unruly Child, Weird

Permalink

06-Jun-2021




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