Health/Food Posts Tagged as 'Family'
Welcome to Errattic! We encourage you to customize the type of information you see here by clicking the Preferences link on the top of this page.
I’m Against Catholic Teachings
Dear Care and Feeding,
My husband and I have a fantastic toddler and live in a large city, where we’re looking into private school options. We have whittled our options down to two. Both institutions are amazing places with fantastic, warm, loving staff and parents/guardians/students. One is Catholic, the other is Quaker. We’re trying to decide between the two schools and would love your guidance.
The Catholic school is academically rigorous, has great class sizes, is a Blue Ribbon school, and is a block from where my husband works in case of a midday school emergency. However—and I say this as a product of the parochial school system myself—it promotes Catholic perspectives on premarital sex, homosexuality, abortion, and other beliefs that we don’t subscribe to. The Quaker school, on the other hand, has a progressive curriculum, is designed around project-based learning, does not get homework-heavy until grade 5, and promotes core values that are in alignment with how we are raising our daughter.
The Quaker school’s curriculum—and general vibe—will help our kid develop into a critical thinker and a compassionate contributor to the world. HOWEVER, it is considerably more expensive (it would require some sacrifice on our part), and it would add another hour to our already hectic morning commute. In other words, it will make life more difficult on a day-to-day basis. Since our child will get an excellent education at either place, how do we pick between daily quality of life for us and the values system to which our child will be exposed?
—Waiting for an Answer From the Spirit
Help! Is There a Nice Way to Tell My Husband He’s Racist?
Q. An ugly view I didn’t see before: I’ve been married to my husband for 10 years. He’s a great husband and has always seemed like a compassionate and open-minded person. In the last year or two, however, I’ve been having to call him out on racist language and attitudes. At first it was in the car. He usually drives, and if someone cuts him off or does something he doesn’t like, his language is almost always racist—they’re a “f—ing N-word” or a “f—ing Asian.” Despite my calling him out on it every time, he has gradually gotten bolder about expressing racist attitudes that never surfaced early in our relationship. Today he proudly told how he had joked to a waitress during lunch with the guys, “When you said merry Christmas, you left out my buddy here. He celebrates Kwanzaa, har-de-har-har!” I was horrified that he had made a racist joke in public and told him so. He didn’t see it that way, and we had a terrible argument. I got pretty upset, and I called him a racist. I don’t want to mirror his name-calling, and that only escalated the argument. He insists he is “really not a racist,” but these incidents are giving me an ugly view of him I didn’t see before. I believe he is a good person and is capable of changing this behavior. Can you give me some guidance on language I can use to help him do some self-reflection?
Grandparents sound off: We don’t want to baby-sit!
“From Day 1, I said, ‘I don’t baby-sit,’?” says Betty, a Midwood grandmother who broke the news to her son and his wife when they told her they were expecting. Even so, she agreed to watch their infant one evening when the couple went to a wedding. But she didn’t stay long, calling them to say their baby wouldn’t stop crying. “When they came home, I gave them $20 and I said, ‘Go hire a baby sitter.’?”
Still, the 65-year-old — who asked that her last name not be used, for privacy reasons — insists that her refusal to baby-sit has nothing to do with her love for her children. “I feel like I paid my dues,” she says, adding that, as a stay-at-home mother, she never had any outside help caring for her brood. “I’d rather be honest with my kids than resent them. My friends who [baby-sit] will privately say they resent it.”
Should I Intervene With a Kid Who Says He Is Depressed?
Dear Care and Feeding,
My 11-year-old son has been friends with “Paul” for more than two years. During that time, Paul has been suspended from school multiple times for his language (he drops the F-bomb constantly, has called his teacher the B-word, etc.) and disruptive behavior. He’s known to deliver very colorful commentary on how he sees the world, shouting out some particularly interesting bits at times. Nevertheless, Paul is a smart and sensitive kid, and I am rooting for him. We all are.
The reason I’m writing is because Paul recently told my son that he sneaks and drinks his mother’s vodka when he’s feeling depressed, which is “most of the time,” in his words. He has mentioned those feelings before, and I’m also aware that telling tall tales is part of his swagger. For the most part, we take them in stride, but the combination of the alleged drinking and depression made me pause. I’m honestly not sure if Paul is just trying to look cool or if he’s trying to ask for help.
My plan, which I shared with my son, is to wait and see if Paul ever talks to me about these issues, and to then talk to a grown-up who has some oversight in his life, i.e., the school principal or his teacher. I wonder if I’m doing enough or if I should do more, though I’m not even sure what that would entail, as a conversation with his parents seems impossible—they are not at all approachable. Am I just sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong? Your thoughts are appreciated.
—All Eyes on Paul
The doctor will accuse you now
A recent essay in Time Magazine called for a massive expansion of the nanny state through mandatory medical screening of children for signs of child abuse. The proposal, which is based on the assumption that racial bias is causing doctors to miss some cases of abuse, would strip doctors of the ability to apply reasoned, clinical judgment to cases and would require them to subject children to a battery of x-rays whenever bruising or other marks are noticed. Proponents of the plan — not its opponents, mind you — have given it the appropriately dystopian moniker, “think less, screen more.”
Perhaps as shocking as the plan itself is how nonchalant the essay’s authors, Dr. Richard Klasco and Dr. Daniel Lindberg, are about the life-altering consequences of their proposal. In an apparent attempt to downplay the harm that their plan will cause, Klasco and Lindberg wrongly suggest that the worst that will happen if they get their way is “some non-abused children will be screened, and some non-abusive parents will be offended.”
Back Off, Mom
My mom thinks she’ll help care for my first child, but she couldn’t be more wrong. How do I make this clear?
Dear Care and Feeding,
My husband and I want to have our first kid soon. Before we start trying, we need to figure out how to handle my mother.
We aren’t close at all. I maintain a polite relationship with her to minimize guilt trips and dramatics that arise when I keep the much-greater distance I would prefer. She’s learned that there will probably be a kid eventually, and she’s become obsessed with moving near me and being “Grandma’s Babysitting Service.” I’ve tried telling her that wouldn’t work for us, but she says, “You have no idea how hard it will be, especially after the second” or “Why have babies if you’re going to dump them at some day care?” or “You can’t afford good child care.”
We can afford day care, and while it’s expensive, more importantly, it’s not my mother. She was a big believer in corporal punishment and severe “Tiger Mom” parenting methods. I would never leave a kid with her unattended for even a few minutes.
We have major differences in values, and she thinks it’s her responsibility that her grandchildren participate in her religion (she embraces its most judgmental and hateful aspects), which is unacceptable to my husband and me. I don’t want her “help” raising my child, and I don’t want to deal with her guilt trips, unsolicited advice, and other intrusions into the happy and stable life I’ve built for myself.
She claims all her friends live near their grandbabies and take care of them when the parents have to go to work, and that it’s not fair that she might not get to do the same. She has started looking at homes in our area (where she knows no one but us), and, as she can’t afford to live in the city, she’s started telling us to move to the suburbs and get a house with enough room for her to live with us. This is not happening. Is there a way to handle this short of full estrangement while she’s living in a fantasy world and not my metro area?
Dad murdered autistic sons by driving off pier: prosecutors
Children Cannot Parent Other Children
A fundamental truth about children is that they have needs they cannot themselves fulfill. They need people who acquire and prepare food for them, and people who look out for their safety and cleanliness. Beyond those material needs, they also need people who care for them emotionally, tending to them when they are sick and supporting them through tough times. Normally these duties fall to parents, but they can also fall to relatives, family friends, babysitters, teachers, or social workers. At the border, in detention centers, they are falling to other detained children, a harrowing detail in a sea of harrowing details now being reported.
Lawyers who visited a border station in Clint, Texas, this week told the Associated Press that during their visit, they encountered small children who had been taken from their parents under the Trump administration’s family-separation policy, some of them infants and toddlers, who are receiving little time or attention from adult caregivers or supervisors. Instead, some detained children receive affection and care—such as being held, rocked, bathed, fed, and even changed—only from other, slightly older detained children. As the AP reported Saturday:
The Unwritten Sex Rule My Husband and I Have: Once a Week Is Good
Sex once a week — this is the unwritten and unsaid rule my husband and I have stood by pretty much since the "I've gotta have you right now" phase fizzled. And let's be honest, that fire often dwindles after those first few years of newlywed bliss and comes dangerously close to being put out altogether when you have kids. But as long as you make an effort, a flame will always be there — sometimes small, sometimes big. For my husband and I, that effort happens once a week. And after talking with many of my friends about this unwritten sex rule, it turns out we're not alone.
Bullying, sexual assault led to student's suicide after school staff didn't intervene: Lawsuit
A New York City high schooler who took her own life after she was allegedly bullied and forced to perform sexual acts on other students had experienced the abuse since she began attending the school, and school staff knew about it but did not intervene, a lawsuit by the girl's parents alleges.
Mya Vizcarrondo-Rios jumped 34 stories from the roof of her apartment building with her backpack still on shortly after 2 p.m. on Feb. 28, 2018, and was pronounced dead at the hospital about an hour later. She was 15 years old.
Emaciated 12-Year-Old Boy Was Shackled In Bathtub With Dog Shock Collar On Before His Death, Investigators Say
Body believed to be missing 5-year-old Utah girl found hours after uncle is charged with murder: Police
New York man accused of killing daughter-in-law added to FBI's 10 Most Wanted
I Was Raised by a Dad With Bipolar Disorder, and Here's What I Want Other Parents to Know
There were a lot of ups and downs growing up with my father. There was the side of my dad that was so full of life. He'd be the center of attention, throwing huge get-togethers at our house and chatting energetically with everyone around him, including his kids. I remember how easily he made people laugh and put them at ease.
Then there was the side of my dad that drove me and my friends to a nearby theme park, quickly became annoyed with everything we said or did, and then fell asleep on a park bench for three hours. On vacations, he would shift from enjoying himself to disappearing from us for long periods at a time. More commonly, he struggled to focus during conversations with his family or his work clients.
Even with my dad's happier moods, there were so many moments, days, months, even years of pain that consumed my childhood. There were a lot of times he was unbearable to be around. I often chose not to invite friends over, afraid he'd have an episode while they were there. As a young girl and even throughout my teenage years, it was really hard to witness my dad's severe mood swings. When he was hyper and joyful, it was contagious — but when his mood changed, I took it so personally, truly feeling as though I must have done or said something to make him act that way.
The Brewing Backlash Against Hustle Culture and Its Effects on Our Mental Health
Signs you need to reprioritize
We’ve been taught that working hard is a good thing — so how do we know when it becomes a problem? According to Dion Metzger, M.D., a psychiatrist in Atlanta, it’s all about balance, and you have to pay attention to your proverbial scale. “We’re all trying to balance work, relationships, and health. You will know your hustle is tipping the scale when it starts taking away from the other two. You are sleeping less, eating unhealthily, or cancelling plans with loved ones. This is when you draw the line,” she tells Thrive. “Your scale is no longer balanced. This is the time when you need to step back from the hustle and recalibrate. Balance prevents burnout.”
How To Get More Comfortable Talking About Your Mental Health
When Mental Illness Is Your Family Heirloom
Why Latinx People Need Better Mental Health Support
Using An Out Of Office To Deal With Email Expectations Was An Unexpected Act Of Self-Care
Being too hard on yourself could lead to these debilitating disorders
Do you feel like the fate of the world rests on your shoulders? As well as being stressful, that mindset may be affecting your mental health. A sense of over-responsibility is one trait that makes people vulnerable to developing obsessive-compulsive disorder or anxiety, according to a study published in the International Journal of Cognitive Therapy.
While it’s normal to feel anxious, and also to act in ways that one might casually describe as OCD – such as keeping your house spotlessly clean – it’s when these behaviors become persistent and intense that they develop from traits into disorders, researchers say.
How to support a partner who's experiencing mental health issues
Guest opinion: Our legislators must understand mental health better
How flying into an angry rage is a sign you could be seriously ill
Feel Like Your Antidepressants Stopped Working? Here’s What Could Be Happening.
Having Psoriasis May Increase The Risk Of Mental Health Disorders, New Research Shows
I started being as nice to myself as I am to my friends and it did absolute wonders for my mental health
City life damages mental health in ways we’re just starting to understand
FHE Health Announces Scholarships To Encourage More People To Enter The Addiction And Mental Health Field
I had to "break up" with my therapist because finding effective mental health care isn't easy
When an acquaintance offered to pay for my therapy, I was so grateful for the opportunity to get the help I needed. But, after just three sessions, I had to call it quits.
A lot had happened before I started my search for therapy. In 2015, I failed to secure a visa that would have allowed me to work at possibly one of the most highly-reputed companies in Africa. When I first received the job offer, I thought that, finally, I had achieved some semblance of comforting stability in my life. Achieving permanent employment had been a rollercoaster ride—but my whole life has been a rollercoaster ride. Often, it has been one with more downs than ups after surviving sexual abuse, emotional abuse, a dysfunctional family, and financial challenges. It’s been overwhelming, for me and for my loved ones caught in the ride.
So you can imagine how relieved I felt when I got the job because I could finally fend for myself. You can probably also imagine how I felt when my application for a work visa was denied.
Nothing Comes Before My Mental Health: 5 Lessons I Learned After Treatment
Tidying Up: What Cleanliness Says About Your Mental Health
Arianna Huffington: It’s Time to Prioritize Our Mental Health in Our Everyday Lives
'Children welcome - as long as they stay seated, don't cry, eat off plastic plates and don't go to the toilet on their own': Restaurant's forbidding list of rules for customers with young ones sparks online anger
A restaurant has ordered parents to keep their children quiet at all times or they will be asked to leave.
The list of rules for diners at the Mediterranean restaurant in Llandudno, North Wales, also says youngsters must be 'seated at all times', accompanied to the toilet and eat off plastic plates.
The business scores four out of five stars on TripAdvisor, and ranked as one of the five best in the area.
It was posted online by charity worker Helen Hyland, reports The Sun, 52, from Stirling, Scotland, who was on holiday in the Welsh resort.
Ask Amy: Recovering mom doesn't want dog at home
Dear Amy: For the past 2 ½ years my son (now 9) has been asking for a dog. I’ve been saying no because while I like dogs, I prefer them in other people’s houses.
I didn’t want to take on the considerable expense and care for a dog.
Four months ago, I had a brain aneurysm. Thankfully, I am OK and recovering. However, during my recovery in the hospital I thought I was dying and that it would be a good idea for my son to have a dog to love and care for in the event that I did die.
I was coming off of anesthesia and on a lot of pain medication. I feel confident in saying that at the time, I was not in my right mind.
UK pet owner investigated after dog kills 9-year-old boy