Health/Food Posts Tagged as 'Relationships'
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My Partner Offered a Certain Sex Act to Do the Taxes—Then Backed Out
Dear How to Do It,
I’m a procrastinator; my partner is a do-it-yesterday-er. Earlier this year, I was kvetching about doing my taxes. My partner, by way of motivation, said “Get ‘em done and I’ll blow you.” Because my partner is very Good at That, I got to work immediately, but was held up by some missing paperwork. Flash forward to now, and the missing form is in hand. Pleased with myself for filing, I mentioned to my partner that I’d be taking that BJ at their next earliest convenience. They scoffed and told me I can’t expect an IRS EZBJ 2+ months after the fact. I call breach of contract! We’ve agreed to abide by your ruling, so what say you? (P.S.: There’s plenty of non-IRS oral going around both ways here, but I want my refund!)
—Depth and Taxes
Police Launch Investigation Into Video of Teenagers Coughing on Produce at Grocery Store
Following reports of teenagers coughing on produce at a local grocery store for a video, one Virginia police department has launched an investigation. On Thursday, Purcellville PD released a statement to say it had learned the incident took place at an undisclosed store on Wednesday. Employees at the store removed the items immediately, and now officials have asked parents to monitor their children's activities and social media accounts in order to "avoid the increase of any further such incidents."
"We have learned that this appears to be a disturbing trend on social media across the country, and we ask for help from parents to discourage this behavior immediately," Purcellville police wrote in a Facebook post. "Please talk with your children and explain to them why such behavior is wrong, especially given the current situation regarding the spread of Coronavirus."
The internet is letting too many celebrities act like idiots during a pandemic
It's Absolutely Ok to Dump Someone Over Their Awful Pandemic Behavior
My Son Wants to Move His Family Across the Country so I Can Be Day Care
Dear Care and Feeding,
We have two adorable grandchildren, 4 and 6, on the other side of the country. Their parents, our son and daughter-in-law, are struggling with debt and living in a one-bedroom apartment. The financial problems are related to their own bad decisions and to serious medical problems, which are mostly resolved but may recur. Our son works remotely, but he needs to be at work, not caring for high-energy rambunctious kids who get very loud and excited playing video games or watching TV. Our daughter-in-law just got a job that involves a lot of overnight travel.
They have decided that the way to get ahead financially is to give up their apartment and move in with us for three months this summer. They would save on rent and child care. At first we were thrilled. We have plenty of room to put the four of them up. But then we faced the reality that they are counting on us for day care. We are both in our 70s and excited about being retired and finally doing the things we couldn’t do when we were both working full time and raising children. We also get overwhelmed after a few days of nonstop child care (which they have counted on us for in the past so they could escape). Putting the kids in day care for nine weeks, which assumes we would take them full time for one week a month, would cost them over $5,000, on top of the cost of storage and moving the four of them and the dog across country. I think they would save about $6,000 in rent over three months. At first I wanted to lay out the math and tell them to rethink their assumptions about free day care.
But we have savings we could use to pay all or part of their day care over the summer (which would still leave us the recommended cushion but little more). We would treasure the time with the children. But part of me thinks we should just let them figure things out. I am sorely conflicted.
—Is This a Good Idea?
My Date Blocked Me After We Had Sex. I’m Afraid It Was Assault.
Dear How to Do It,
A few months ago, I went on a date with a guy I met online. He was really sweet overall, but I didn’t find myself very romantically attracted to him, and I was also put off by some comments he made about some other members of the LGBTQ community (we’re both cis gay men). He continued to bring up the possibility of a relationship between us, however, and I equivocated on it because I wasn’t wholly against a relationship but wasn’t head over heels for him.
We got food and watched the sunset, and eventually we wound up making out, and I proposed we have sex. He said yes, but quickly withdrew and began talking about some of his past sexual trauma. I immediately stopped everything and asked if he was all right, and he said yes and that he wanted to continue. I asked if he was sure, and he said yes, and then we engaged in mutual masturbation and mutual oral sex in his car. It was good, though not the best sex of my life, and we both came in the end.
On the way back to my apartment, he asked again about having a relationship and if I only agreed to the date in order to hook up. I said I didn’t want to immediately go into anything, but that I’d be open to more dates and getting to know him better, and that my motivation to go on this date was more than just hooking up. He said OK, and we parted ways. I wake up the next morning to find he’s blocked me across every form of communication that we had each other on.
I’m really worried that something went wrong, and that I sexually assaulted him or generally engaged in sexual misconduct, but didn’t realize in the moment or somehow subconsciously denied to myself that he wasn’t consenting to what we did. It truly did seem to me like he was willing to do what we did, and that I communicated I did not want to have any sexual contact with him that he didn’t agree to. I’ve been wanting to reach out to him through Instagram (I have an account he didn’t know about) to try and understand what happened, but I don’t want to annoy, retraumatize, or hurt him. What should I do?
Sexual assault is a consequence of how society is organized
The Department of Education is about to release new rules about how schools must deal with sexual harassment, stalking, and sexual assault. There's a lot that's disastrous about this interpretation of Title IX, which is supposed to promote equal access to education for women.
But what's largely missing from both the rules and the flood of public criticism they are generating is a discussion about prevention. This is typical of the national discourse about sexual assault on campus and beyond, and of the broader conversations in this era of #MeToo. The singular focus on adjudication reflects two assumptions.
The first is that victims frequently fabricate claims of sexual assault; all the evidence suggests that false accusations are rare. The second is that sexual assaults happen because of "bad" or "sociopathic" people. The only way to deal with them is through punishment harsh enough to strike sufficient fear into those who commit or want to commit assaults.
But what if the most sexual assaults were “normal”? Not in the sense that it’s acceptable, but in the sense that it’s often something that everyday people do— a predictable, if awful, a consequence of how society is organized. In doing the research for our book, Sexual Citizens, that’s exactly what we found. And there’s an important consequence to this finding: we’re not going to punish our way out of these normal assaults.
Parents may object that talking about sex is awkward, or that it's the children themselves who shut down the conversations. But many parents are frequently the source of much discomfort.
When they choose words like "hoo-hoo" or "pee-pee" instead of vulva and penis, they are communicating that some body parts are unspeakably shameful. Children learn very early that sex is not something they can talk about, especially with their families.
MA Professor Charged With Raping Student Tried to Make Another His ‘Personal Prostitute’: Cops
Yale doctor was named 'diversity and inclusion' chair after being accused of sexual harassment, lawsuit says
Nicki Minaj’s Husband Registers As Sex Offender In California After Being Arrested For Allegedly Failing To Do So
My Wife Wants Us to Have Sex With Her Brother
Dear How to Do It,
My wife and I have been in an open marriage for five years. On the whole, our relationship has been uncommonly open and supportive; we both strive to encourage one another to explore, and even playfully push the limits, romantically and sexually.
For as long as I have known her, my wife has been interested in “incest” role play. While it isn’t my cup of tea exactly, I have been willing and happy to support her in her exploration of this kind of fantasy and role-play. Often, she will have me dress up as her father, wear his cologne, etc., while she will wear her “high school” clothes.
Recently, though, things have started to move in an uncomfortable direction for me. My wife is very close with her older brother, who is also bi, and with whom we often speak very openly about sex and sexuality. A few nights ago, and after a few drinks, my wife got to talking fairly explicitly about some of the “family” role-playing that she and I are into, and her brother—who I thought would be kinda horrified—was not only entirely supportive, but vaguely expressed interest in exploring this kink with us. When we got home, I expected my wife to make it clear that her brother ever joining us in the bedroom was entirely off the table, but instead she seemed to think it was a really good idea. In principle I don’t have a problem with the idea. While, like I said, I am not that into the “incest” element of my wife’s (and, I guess, her brother’s) fantasy, I am happy to play along if it makes her (and him) happy. My wife and I have also enjoyed group sex, and so that isn’t the problem either. I guess at bottom, I am just worried about how this could affect my relationship with my brother-in-law. Is there a way for me to make this happen, without it getting weird?
Are you in love or just high on chemicals in your brain? Answer: Yes
We call it "falling in love," as if we have no control over how we topple into that dreamy state of emotional bliss.
But those sweetly warm feelings we connect to our heart are actually chemicals and hormones flooding an organ higher up -- our brain.
Jumping from neuron to neuron, dopamine travels an ancient avenue called the mesolimbic pathway, priming the brain to pay attention and react to expected rewards from food, drugs, hugs, sex or other equally pleasant actions.
This network is so ancient even worms and flies, which evolved about two billion years ago, have a similar reward highway in their primitive systems.
Increasing levels of dopamine = euphoria and desire = greater attraction to the object of your affection. You're "high" on love, just as a drug addict is "high" on cocaine -- and you're going to want more and more.
Dare we say you're addicted?
Have you ever wondered why your new love can do no wrong (at least at first)? Yup, that's all chemicals too. First, the brain on love deactivates the amygdala, which controls the perception of fear, anger and sadness.
Teens say they find sex disappointing after watching porn
One in three young adults believe watching porn has affected what they find sexually attractive in a partner.
And the same number of 1,000 18-24-year-olds polled admitted to being ‘surprised’ by what sex was like in real life, having watched porn before becoming sexually active.
But a huge 64 per cent admit they’ve pretended to enjoy sex more than they actually were to please their partner - and a tenth admit they don’t disclose their sexual history because they were afraid the number was too high, according to the OnePoll figures.
Maps reveal where depression, anxiety, and suicide run highest across the US
A data analysis of 129 million messages sent to Crisis Text Line over the course of six years shows which states are most affected by anxiety, depression, self-harm, and suicide.
Counselors for the 24/7 support network field more texts about suicide from people in the Western states of Colorado, Idaho, and Utah than anywhere else. People from the South more often send texts about depression. Anxiety rates are particularly high on the coasts, and in both Dakotas.
North Dakota had the highest rates of texters writing about depression, as well as anxiety and stress. Many southern states, including Arkansas, Mississippi, and Louisiana, had higher rates of depression than other areas.
In 44 states, at least 20% of texters reported feelings of isolation, while Montana saw the highest rate (15%) of texters writing about feelings of self-harm. People on the coasts reported the highest rates of anxiety.
Should I Tell My Wife I’m Desperate to Have Sex With Another Man?
Dear How to Do It,
I’m a 31-year-old bi man married to a bi woman. I knew I wasn’t straight for most of my life but have only had sex with one guy, an ostensibly straight friend in high school, and it was a secret on/off thing that involved a lot of cheating and eventually blew up our friendship and several others. In part because of guilt and shame related to that, I didn’t come out until my mid/late 20s, after an incident in which I drunkenly kissed one of my then-girlfriend’s gay male friends at a party. But my girlfriend and I stayed together, I got sober, we got married, and now we have a strong monogamous relationship with a mutually satisfying sex life. The problem is, I can’t seem to shake the desire to have sex with a guy again, both because I’m attracted to guys and because I regret that my only experience thus far was as a closeted, denial-ridden teen.
My wife came out in her early 20s and has had more dating or sexual experience with other women, and she has been very supportive in letting me know that if I want to have sex with a guy, she’s in favor but would prefer to be involved in some way. I don’t know how to make a threesome with us and another guy who’s into both of us happen, and I’m worried that I will jeopardize our relationship if I tell her I want to try pursuing sex with another guy on my own. We’ve talked about the possibility of having an open relationship, but neither of us have any experience with it, and I’m scared of the idea that it might unbalance our dynamic in some way if I pursue other partners when she (as she’s told me) isn’t particularly interested in that right now. I’m also scared of the possibility of going down the rabbit hole and becoming a sex addict, since I’m already in recovery for drugs and alcohol, but that’s another issue.
As of now, I’m dealing with this desire by mostly jerking off to gay porn, which my wife knows about and is cool with. But I’m worried that it won’t be enough in the long run. I recognize that my own fear and shame related to my queerness is a major factor here, and I talk about that in therapy, but why am I still having such a tough time admitting what I want? Is it better to risk pursuing it than to keep trying to repress it, as I’ve been doing for so long? Would I be a more selfish partner for asking for permission to explore this, or am I being considerate in holding back?
LIKE A VIRGIN? THE PAIN AND POLITICS OF RESTITCHING YOUR HYMEN
It’s hard to believe that the hymen, a thin piece of mucosal tissue that partially covers the vaginal opening, has been getting so much airtime recently. It was only a few months ago that rapper T.I. made (unlikely) headlines when he revealed that he takes his 18-year-old daughter to the gynecologist every year to check if her hymen is intact. Earlier this year, the UK health secretary began an investigation into the “dreadful practice” of “virginity repair” surgery, following a report by the Sunday Times, which revealed that there’s at least 22 private clinics across the UK offering hymenoplasty procedures. In short: it’s 2020 and, somehow, men are still trying to control our bodies.
Despite years of research that disproves the myth surrounding the hymen – that it breaks after the first time you’ve had sex – it’s connotations of purity pertain. You can break your hymen horse-riding, or riding a bike, but the social constructs surrounding virginity seem dependent on it staying intact.
“In Muslim communities, women should be virgins when marrying their husbands. If it’s found that a woman has lost her virginity before marriage, the consequences can be dire,” says Halaleh Taheri, who heads the Middle Eastern Women and Society Organisation, which supports women refugees or asylum seekers who have experienced gender discrimination and honour-related violence. “Even if a woman is not directly pressured by her family to undergo it, the beliefs that she has been indoctrinated with since childhood, the shame and dishonour that she will bring to her family if they find out she’s no longer a virgin is enough pressure to force herself to resort to this practice, whether she wants to or not.”
Why Does It Feel Like No One Wants To Commit? The Answer Is Simpler Than You Think
Dating is more complicated than ever right now: You can be Gatsbyed, breadcrumbed, and ghosted by your Tinder match... all in the same week. And even when a great first date gives you butterflies, knowing what to do next can be confusing AF. Luckily, in Elite Daily's series, We Need To Talk, our Dating editors break down the latest terms, trends, and issues affecting your life with their own hot takes to figure out how to navigate finding love in a world that changes faster than you can swipe left.
PSA: “Commitment” is not a dirty word. Whether the person you’re talking to is “sooooo busy with work” or “honestly not looking for anything serious right now,” it can feel like there’s an endless list of reasons no one wants to define the relationship, and an endless number of people who will lead you on, only to break your heart. Asking someone whether or not they want to commit to you can be more nerve-wracking than interviewing for your dream job and waiting on pregnancy test results combined, and it can make finding an exclusive relationship feel next to impossible. The good news? It’s not just you, and contrary to popular belief, casual hookup culture isn’t the only thing to blame.
I Live With Six Brothers. I Have Sex With Two of Them. It’s Fine, They Know.
Dear How to Do It,
I (a man) live in a large house along with six brothers, all adults and close to each other in age, two of whom I am having sex with. I am naturally much closer to them than the other four. “Yarin” and “Ferdinand” are both fully aware that I have sex with both of them. With the exception of occasional flares of jealousy on Ferdinand’s part (based in insecurity; we’re working on it), it seems to suit all of us very well. The house we share the rent for is large enough that I’m sure the other four brothers don’t know about the sex.
The problem is that I don’t know what to call this arrangement, even to myself. I’m often uncomfortably aware of just how unconventional it really is. When with one or both of them in public, I don’t know how to answer when people ask what Yarin and/or Ferdinand are to me. Yarin usually answers that we’re friends, which I don’t mind. Ferdinand has brazenly answered that I am his boyfriend whom he shares with his brother, which I DO mind. That part isn’t anyone’s business! Ferdinand is somewhat hurt by this, as he is openly affectionate with me in public and expects reciprocation, but I’m a quiet person, while there are Mardi Gras parades more reserved than Ferdinand. My sex life is absolutely not the business of random strangers. Should I follow Yarin’s lead and just say we’re friends? And can I tell Ferdinand to cool it in public?
Two Houses Is Better Than a Divorce
Getting married is like voluntarily committing oneself to ride a tandem bike forever with no real destination. When one person gets tired, the other has to pedal harder or the entire operation collapses, and most divorce proceedings are just both partners yelling that if the other had pedaled hard enough then the bike would still be moving. Perhaps the appeal of living apart together (LAT) is avoiding this pressure for married couples to constantly synch up and operate in tandem rather than operating as separate entities that come together when it suits. LAT seems like an ideal solution for many of the problems that arise over the course of a marriage, affording the opportunity to be responsible for one’s own bike without having any reason to critique anyone else’s peddling.
Straight couples who live together before marriage may be less sexually satisfied
More couples are choosing to test the waters before saying "I do" than ever before, foregoing some of the marriage traditions of the past, like waiting until after the wedding to move in together.
While some relationship experts applaud the trend as a healthy step before marriage it actually may not be great for your sex life.
A recent study published in The Journal of Sex Research found that straight couples who lived together before getting married reported having less sex in the first year of marriage and lower rates of sexual satisfaction overall than those who did not.