Health/Food Posts Tagged as 'Relationships'
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How A Horror Movie About Trauma Made Me Realize How Toxic My Friendships Had Become
For many victims of trauma, especially childhood trauma and abuse, one of the hardest parts of recovery can be forming and maintaining healthy relationships. In my case, childhood trauma led to a serious distrust of others, a need for and fear of intimacy, and the frustrating symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I ended up seeking out other trauma survivors as friends, because we shared the language of pain. Years after those friendships died out, I saw myself in Pascal Laugier’s Martyrs (2008), a film about two deeply traumatized women whose unusual bond enables terrible violence. While I never helped my friends hide any bodies, the relationship between Lucie (Mylène Jampanoï) and Anna (Morjana Alaoui) reflected many of my troubled adolescent friendships. Sometimes we’re so desperate to fix what’s “broken” in ourselves and each other that we can’t see we’re only causing more damage.
A 2009 study published in the journal Depression & Anxiety showed that women are more likely than men to experience depression or anxiety as a result of childhood neglect or emotional abuse. In addition, researchers found that in women, but not men, "perceived friend social support protected against adult depression" — and this was even after they accounted for "the contributions of both emotional abuse and neglect."
In my own experience, I find that the danger may be that some women cling to these friendships even if they become unhealthy, because they have a significant sentimentality toward them. I certainly did.
My Husband Hasn’t Touched Me in Six Years
Dear How to Do It,
I am so lost, and I just don’t know what to do. Some background: I was married and divorced young (he cheated). We had three children, who are now grown with children of their own. Following my divorce, I was in a long-term relationship with someone. It was abusive and ultimately ended with him cheating on me with my best friend.
After that relationship ended, I started dating someone I knew since we were kids. We have always had a close relationship and kept in touch via phone about twice a year to catch up. He became my husband. We dated for five years and have been married for 7½ years (I was 41 when we married; he was 39). About a year and a half after we married, sex just stopped. He was never really the aggressor in the relationship, and I was OK with that. But then it stopped altogether. At first, we talked about it. He went to the doctor, reluctantly. The doctor tested his testosterone and said it was normal. Still nothing. I’ve tried everything you can possibly think of: dates, sexy lingerie, space, time, not pressuring. You name it; I’ve done it. The thing is, there is no intimacy at all in our relationship. We don’t touch, literally. We don’t cuddle. He kisses me once goodbye and once hello when he leaves or comes home. I believe porn was an issue at first; I found some on his phone, and I know he was “taking care” of himself. We instilled a rule of no electronics in the bathroom, but I am sure he is still using his phone in there when I am not home. I’ve pleaded to go to counseling, but he refuses. I went to counseling for about a year by myself, and it did nothing but reaffirm my feelings. I told him I feel like we are roommates; he said that was silly. I told him I was thinking about moving into our spare room, and he asked me not to. He is very prideful and worries a lot about what other people think.
Everything else in our life is wonderful: kids, grandkids, our home, where we live. I love it. But this is something that just has me so torn. Some days I think I can live without it. But most days I am so lost. I feel myself getting worse: getting snappy at everything, my dogs, him, and anyone around us. I go to my daughter’s house occasionally and spend of few days with my grandchildren, and I realize we are in trouble because I don’t miss him. I feel crushed. We are both Christians, and I am very involved in church and church activities. He refuses to become involved with anything. I don’t believe he is having an affair—he is never home late, never goes out when he isn’t working, and isn’t weird with his phone. I cry most days lately because of this situation. I cry because I am so disheartened that another relationship could possibly end, and I don’t want that. I do love my husband. But I wonder if he truly loves me or if he was in love with the idea of me for all these years before we got together, and now I am not living up to his expectations. Please help me—I don’t know what else to do.
The Number One Thing Women Hate the Most About Sex...
Sex is one of life's deepest pleasures. But as much as most people love a good romp between the sheets, let's be honest: There are things we really dislike about it, too.
With this in mind, the sex toy company Lovehoney decided to survey 3,000 adults about what they hate the most in the bedroom. The responses could feel eerily familiar...or they might truly surprise you.
The most common thing women hate about getting it on? Feeling self-conscious during the deed, with 30% of respondents giving this answer. Men, on the other hand, said their top sex dislike is when it's over too quickly, with 34% checking this box.
What Happens When Your Sexual Awakening Hits — and You're Already Married
When I told my husband about the time I almost slept with a woman before we met, he got an intrigued look in his eyes, probably imagining threesomes in our future. And sure, we might try that someday — but I'm less interested in whether the possibility turns him on than what it means for me. At 32, with only straight relationship experience and less than a year of marriage under my belt, I've grown resistant to the idea of clinging to a certain sexual identity for the rest of my life. The prospect leaves me with a specific kind of FOMO: a fear of missing out on the sex I haven’t had, but might still want to. Though my husband and I are currently happy in our hetero, monogamous marriage, how could we know if that format will continue to meet our needs for the next several decades? (It seems presumptuous to pretend to know what my vagina will want at, say, age 64.)
I’m part of a wave of women seeing their sexuality through a new lens, one that renders it increasingly fluid and shame-free as we shed culturally imposed roles and explore new kinks and curiosities. But what if you’re already married when you do that internal accounting? Rather than begrudgingly accept a limited sex life as a condition of long-term partnership, a rising number of women are acting on a feeling of FOMO about sexual experiences we might not have had before (or after) marriage.
The Bible could be a victim in Trump's trade war
The trade war President Donald Trump has waged against China could literally turn biblical.
If negotiations between Washington and Beijing falter, Trump has vowed to place tariffs on all of America's imports from China. Book publishers are warning that those tariffs will cause the price of printing the Bible to soar and potentially spark shortages.
The problem is that most US publishers print the Bible in China because of the high cost and complexity involved in printing a text with roughly 800,000 words. HarperCollins Christian Publishing, a leading Bible publisher, estimates that about three-quarters of its Bible manufacturing expenses are in China.
The proposed tariffs amount to "levying a 'Bible Tax' on consumers and religious and educational organizations," HarperCollins Christian Publishing CEO Mark Schoenwald wrote in a letter last month to Trump's top trade official.
Starbucks releases statement after barista boots police officers because customer 'did not feel safe'
Starbucks officially apologized in a company statement Saturday after a barista at Arizona Starbucks location tossed six police officers on July Fourth.
Six Tempe police officers, who had just begun their holiday shift, were asked to leave a Starbucks coffee house last Thursday after a customer complained they "did not feel safe" in the presence of law enforcement.
In a public apology, Starbucks executive vice president Rossann Williams said the coffee chain will take steps to ensure police officers are welcomed at all Starbucks locations moving forward.
How To Communicate In Bed If You’re Naturally Quiet, According To Experts
If you get your sex education from porn (which, in case no one ever told you, you shouldn’t), you might assume that loud, wild, passionate moans come naturally to everyone, especially women. But if you instead feel unsure of how to express yourself in bed, you’re far from unusual. Especially since many of us have our first sexual experiences masturbating, when we have no reason (and often don’t want) to make a peep, it can take effort to figure out how to communicate with a partner, and that may or may not involve moaning.
“Unlike in porn, sex does not always result in uncontrollably loud and powerful orgasms,” certified relationship expert and mental health specialist Adina Mahalli, MSW, tells Bustle. “Instead of focusing on what you should do, feel, or sound like, try letting go and living in the moment. The best way to express yourself in bed is to let things happen naturally. Having sex requires a significant degree of vulnerability, but if you become just a bit more vulnerable, you'll find that it transforms the experience. Once you lower your defenses, you'll see that your verbal and body language will start narrating your sexual experience in ways you've never imagined.”
We need to be more honest about what tech culture is doing to our mental health
My dad was a psychiatrist and my mom was a civil rights activist, so I was lucky enough to grow up in a home where mental and emotional wellness was openly discussed on a regular basis. Still, when I became the cofounder and CEO of Starcity, a venture-backed startup trying to solve housing affordability in cities, I fell victim to a true entrepreneur’s dilemma—the internal pressure to run myself ragged.
This pressure strained my relationship with my family and made me stressed out all the time. At the time, my daughter Charlie was a few months old, and she would often wake up in the middle of the night and need some love. Because I was so sleep-deprived, when she did wake up, I would jolt out of bed and either be angry and confused that she was affecting my limited sleep schedule. When I would reluctantly help out, I was never able to fall back to sleep. This was a painful cycle, and my wife made it clear that this behavior was not sustainable for everyone. I was disappointed in myself and knew this was not the type of father and husband I wanted to be.
This Is What You Get When You Rent Friends From the Internet
Lots of people think they know how to address the loneliness epidemic sweeping the globe.
More than 1,000 cafes in the U.K. now have designated tables for lonely people to chat with one another, and lonesome folks can now take advantage of a growing number of algorithm-powered friendship apps.
In South Korea, engineers have built a robot that encourages young people to socialize, while University of Chicago scientists are currently hard at work developing a pill to make it easier for lonely people to reach out to others.
But long before “loneliness epidemic” was even a term, entrepreneur Scott Rosenbaum was already attempting to help people feel less socially isolated — by renting friends to them by the hour.
DOES BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP MEAN GOING TO EVERY SOCIAL EVENT ON YOUR S.O.’S CALENDAR?
Star-spangled bikinis aside, the Fourth of July isn’t the most sexy of all holidays (it certainly falls behind the romance-heavy celebrations like Valentine’s Day, New Years Eve, and Christmas). Perhaps part of my stance has to do with the fact that this year, my barbecue plate certainly won’t include a side dish of sex. That’s because I’m opting out of my boyfriend’s big July 4th bash this year—one of the recurring social events he’s been having with his friends for a decade. While at this point, his friends are my friends and my friends are his friends, and we all love each other and all that jazz…I just don’t know if I love them at an amount of 10-hours-at-a-faraway-beach-with-no-exit-plan. So, “learn to when to say no” is something I can successfully check off my to-do list.
I get that it appears as though I’m dead in the wrong in my choice to go this route. Because isn’t the golden rule of relationships that old proverb, “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”? The argument makes sense to me; in the early days of your relationship, getting “with” your new squeeze’s friends is major. You don’t need to be a walking Cool Girl Who Can Hang trope, but being at least cordial with the people your love loves is a fair expectation if you want to last. That much I can handle, because I love my partner (and also, phew, he happens to know some good people and sometimes my introverted self is surprised by how much fun we can have).
Well and Good
Is pornography harmful to romantic relationships?
If your partner's passion for adult entertainment is messing with your self-esteem, you might be questioning their integrity, but it is possible to watch porn and still enjoy a healthy relationship. Certified sex coach, sexologist, educator and writer Gigi Engle looks at the pros and cons of pornography and how to make it work for you:
Is it normal to watch porn?
Tips For Keeping A Positive Mindset
Mental health should be a major priority for everyone, is it deals with our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. Mental health impacts our day to day life by affecting how we think, feel, and interact. It can change the ways that we deal with stress, relate with others, and make decisions.
Unfortunately, mental health is something that can be affected negatively by a number of things including mental illnesses and disorders. Mental disorders like anxiety and depression are somewhat common. In fact, more than half of all Americans will be diagnosed with some type of mental disorder at some point in their life.
Tips To Help Improve Positivity
One of the best ways to remain positive is just to emphasize postive thinking. It should be noted that positive thinking doesn’t mean ignoring problems when they occur or looking at the world when blinders on. It simply means that you should approach difficult or unpleasant situations in a positive and productive way in which you look to remain happy and find solutions when you feel they are needed.
Chester Bennington’s widow Talinda calls on fans to share videos spreading message on being open about mental health
Should parents tell kids about their addictions or mental health issues? Here's what experts think
My partner was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. How can I be supportive of them without getting sucked into their lows?
What Is Self-Distancing? This Practice Can Help Your Mental Health & Relationships
This is why America's travel business is worried
Foreign travelers to the United States bring billions of dollars into the economy each year. But that flow of people and money now appears to be at risk.
Last year set a record for tourism: 78.6 million foreign travelers came to the United States in 2018. But following that banner year, tourism is now in a slump. Travel in early 2019 is in decline, particularly from Canada, Mexico, China and South Korea. That slowdown started taking place in the second half of last year.
The travel industry is worried about how severe, and long lasting, that decline could be.
Tourism is a serious economic driver for the American economy. The United States enjoyed a $69 billion surplus on international travel last year, reducing the country's overall trade deficit by 11%, according to Tori Barnes, executive vice president of the US Travel Association, the industry trade group. On average,foreign travelers spend $4,000 each on visits to the United States. Chinese tourists spend about $7,000.
"It's a really significant economic impact," said Barnes.
Companies that rely on foreign tourism are starting to feel the decline in travel: For example, Tiffany's reported disappointing sales this week, in part because of a drop in purchases by foreign tourists at its US stores.
American Airlines responds to rapper Boosie's profane rant after missing flight
Another tourist dies in Dominican Republic
San Francisco’s Humane Policy of Hospitalizing the Homeless and Mentally Ill
They’re a vast improvement over California’s incoherent commitment policy.
The rapid decline of San Francisco is emblematic of the corrosion now typical in California’s once-glorious cities.
Needles, human waste, and litter are ubiquitous on the city’s streets. San Francisco’s homeless population has exploded; some estimate that as many as 10,000 people live on the street, a census larger than the entire population of almost 85 percent of American townships. City residents have been disturbed by the size and behavior of the homeless population, some of whom, according to the Associated Press, have made a habit of “dashing into traffic or screaming at strangers.”
Taraji Gives Emotional Testimony To Congress On Mental Health
Domestic abuse survivors 'more at risk of serious mental illness'
Schools reckon with social stress: 'I'm on my phone so much'
Desperation And Broken Trust When Schools Restrain Students Or Lock Them In Rooms
The Unwritten Sex Rule My Husband and I Have: Once a Week Is Good
Sex once a week — this is the unwritten and unsaid rule my husband and I have stood by pretty much since the "I've gotta have you right now" phase fizzled. And let's be honest, that fire often dwindles after those first few years of newlywed bliss and comes dangerously close to being put out altogether when you have kids. But as long as you make an effort, a flame will always be there — sometimes small, sometimes big. For my husband and I, that effort happens once a week. And after talking with many of my friends about this unwritten sex rule, it turns out we're not alone.