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Movies

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Graduate, The (1967) Full Moon

The film ponders thoughts of a future that exists against a romantic and sexual adventure. Besides the latin porn movies my parents took me to, this was my second time in a legit movie theatre. My lesbian aunt thought I should be exposed to art. I was embarrassed, though. The film rated higher than my intelligence. I did discover the secrets the adults were hiding and it was fascinating. Dustin Hoffman delivered cool vibes and technical practice. Anne Bancroft's controversial stamp is unmistakable. She was every straight boy's dream and every gay's nightmare. She established the cougar. She was to play Joan in Mommie Dearest but didn't. "What ifs" kept pouncing in my head. If Katherine Ross is nothing like her characters, I will cry. Talks are grown-up, defensive and obligatory. Direction is artistic and historic. 17-Jul-2024

Tags: 1960s, Best In Drama, Chemistry, Classic, Director's Achievement, Drama, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Funny, Great Acting, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Relationships, Romance, Sentimental, Star Watt, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight, Writing Reigns

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17-Jul-2024


Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024) Arf

This should have been Barbie's accompaniment. Pink was all over the place and it was the worst case scenario for one of Oppenheimer's lunacies. The humans didn't fair. Hottle outgrew her innocent adorability and couldn't fake it. Kevin Smith never entered the time machine that I sent him. It was to the Abbey so he could find his star watt. Dude made ladies melt and men cry. His adaptation of Chris Pratt from Guardians was cartoonish. Even the originator doesn't know where that fucker is. Brian Tyree Henry played a bug-eyed everyday black person spooked by anything except guns. Rebecca Hall's character remained vanilla and pushed aside. The animal kingdom was magical, naturalistic and smelling like planet of the apes. I dig that Karen Black chick. A Kardashian rules the top of the world and Kong's home is the center. Rappers are attacking them. It's an artistic success even though it's fueled by too much human interruption. 09-Jul-2024

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Cheeky Acting, Cold, Corn, Crapfun, Dialogue Lament, Director Movement, Drama, Fun, Monster Mash, Pleasant Music, Stupid Funny, Thriller, Tight Effects, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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09-Jul-2024


Kind Lady (1951) Woof

A band of marauders suck the life out of a rich elderly woman with kindness to spare, isolated loneliness and owner of great art. Maurice Evans adds finality to his charmed villain, Angela Lansbury exemplified trash with two hearts and there were constants that gave it hope. The suspense gripped, the actors ascended and the story fascinated. Lady Barrymore excelled as a victim worth saving. 28-Jun-2024

Tags: 1950s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Classic, Crime Drama, Director's Achievement, Enthusiastic, Funny, Magnetism, Mystery, Psychological, Relationships, Star Watt, Suspense, Thriller, Tough, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight

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28-Jun-2024


Oppenheimer (2023) Arf

I understand the importance of the man who did something incredible for his country. A race to be the first superpower to create the best weapon science has to offer. Robert Downey had problems looking sincere being white in a black and white picture. His cranium didn't look right. Jesse Plemons and Matt Damon should play brothers and Ben Affleck must play the hated stepbrother. Daddy Josh was a beholding sight. Florence Pugh showed up to fuck and flip her acting light switch on and off, again. The wind did a better job of styling Emily's hair than the stylist. That's what beautiful hair is supposed to look like. Emily's acting switch was constant. Her story didn't expand. There was more that I wanted to know about her but I was being hypnotized by psychedelics and uniforms. You can't be suspended for three hours and not fall down throughout. There wasn't much keeping it afloat. No action and little surprises. It felt professionally cold. Really, what's an atomic bomb movie without Godzilla, destroying cities? Were moviegoers using Barbenheimer to sleep?
 22-Jun-2024

Tags: 2020s, Disappointment, Drama, Inactivity, Political, Predictable, Repetitive, Sexy, Tedium, Timid, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

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22-Jun-2024


Hitman (2024) Woof

I always thought Glen Powell was cute and up for anything. The film is devoid of action and unlike an episode of Police Woman. Chemistry almost always works when a latina is involved. The passion seemed legitimate. Powell kept donning disguises like he was at a Shakespeare festival. I've never seen an actor so relaxed and ready. Ryan Reynolds does not always have to play Deadpool. He was having fun, it was infectious and he saved a fluff piece. 11-Jun-2024

Tags: 2020s, Camp, Cheeky Acting, Chemistry, Comedy, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Good Acting, Magnetism, Relationships, Star Watt, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

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11-Jun-2024


Mean Girls (2023) Arf

A rom-com is conversion therapy for those who don't believe in fairy tales. I saw a handheld camera at the beginning and almost blacked out but then something cute happened. It moved like Grease and had the aroma of a pink lady. It kept me in with mixed results. The music had word limitations and they repeated nonsensical lines that make only cartoon baby sharks squeak. Was no thesaurus available when the music was written? The mean girls were lame and avenged by dorky plans. The cast was bubbly. The lesson was that anybody can be a mean girl. You fix her by allowing her to steal someone else's hot dick to fuck and hope she never calls you again. 10-Jun-2024

Tags: 2020s, Camp, Chemistry, Crapfun, Drama, Fatigue, Hot Swatch, Musical, Over the Top, Predictable, Relationships, Star Watt, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

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10-Jun-2024


Die! Die! My Darling! (1965) Whimper

Soon to be married, a people pleaser decides to accept an invite from a mother-in-law that never was. Her ex-fiancee died and she moved on but his mother is still devastated. Mother thinks his ex-fiancee was the cause of his death. Ex-fiancee is in danger and they are making her diet! Tallulah embraced her part like Davis did in Baby Jane and blow-horned it to death. Stefanie Powers was spot-on and rocked great hair. The film is vindictive and cruel. I would have left the moment that maid answered the door. It's a sorta fun drip. 06-Jun-2024

Tags: Camp, Crapfun, Director Experiment, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Psychological, Relationships, Shrill Act, Star Watt, Suspense, Tacky, Thriller, Timid, Words Spoke

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06-Jun-2024


Dune: Part Two (2024) Howl

Austin Butler looked better than he sounded. He used the fake voice most employees imitate when they are calling in sick. Florence Pugh was lost in a maze with no destination or exit in sight. Chalamet looked good doing what was expected. Zendaya sparkled and brought emotions forward. Javier Bardem stole acting honors by not letting his character stumble and being action relief. Denis Villeneuve mapped the film majestically and proved there are prettier things than TC. Story wrapped so it can move on. Well done. 04-Jun-2024

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Magnetism, Music Swings, Relationships, SciFi, Sentimental, Sequel, Star Watt, Suspense, Twisty, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight

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04-Jun-2024


Godzilla Minus One (2023) Woof

Beautiful disaster. 04-Jun-2024

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Director's Achievement, Disaster, Drama, Foreign, Fun, Inspired, Monster Mash, Music Swings, Relationships, Revenge, Sap, Suspense, Thriller, Tight Effects, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

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04-Jun-2024


First Omen, The (2024) Whimper

They couldn't follow up the original story so they made shit up. I wanted to see the devil fuck a jackal. In what Walt Disney world is that not possible? It took cues from The Nun without inhabiting what made the original Omen successful. Actors we cared about bringing a terrific book to life. A score that lives in my eternal memory. A director that defined it without judging it. Damien-Omen II's foreboding notes would have given the movie strength and fan base pleasure throughout, if they had thought to use it. 01-Jun-2024

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Cold, Horror Mild, Inactivity, Indecipherable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Silly, Slow, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

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01-Jun-2024


Madame Web (2024) Arf

The only Madame Web I know is from the Spider-Man animated series. She was an elder with psychic gifts who spiritually assisted Peter Parker. The comic book origins were tinkered with, pulled and redesigned into a television movie. There are about 2 minutes of Spider-women geared up and it's not enough. The ladies were solid but the story was squishy. New Spider-man is the only suited one which renders fights unfair since the girls have no powers. If they were trying for subtlety they should have hired an out of the box writer and director. The ladies sprinkled enough fairy dust for me to follow them but their destinies lead to shit. 14-May-2024

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Comic Book, Fantasy, Funny, Sort of, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, TV-like, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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14-May-2024


Holdovers, The (2023) Woof

Giamatti is the cunt that the film feeds off of. The youngster missed an opportunity to turn on his star charm and lost out on bosom buddy gold. Ms. Randolph was the most mesmerizing character but we didn't see much of her to evaluate her capabilities. Carrie Preston played the nice character with inappropriate hypocrisy. I didn't believe a nice word she said. It made Christmas an overwhelming experience. It's a visit back to a place you want to forget. Music was timely and appreciated. The experience is a beautiful bird expecting to fly with only one wing. 05-May-2024

Tags: 2020s, Director's Touch, Documentary, Funny, Music Swings, Relationships, Sentimental, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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05-May-2024


Wish (2023) Bites

I tried watching through the eyes of a child and it confused me. What do you mean that man has my wish. I made ten wishes yesterday and two came true. I don't even remember that one wish everybody's talking about. Fuck it. It's only one. The film has Ariana DeBose energy and a Barbie stance. DeBose is so excited to show us what she's got that she faux climaxes before she has to. Some of the songs actually sounded musical. Pine's Shatner was so good that it stunk. The last man with a working penis is stealing little girl dreams. (None of the dreams were to marry a man to save them?) The women and some of their friends band together to destroy him. Some of the friends consisted of weak or mentally disabled boys and feeble grandfathers with no reach. I presume we had to look towards the animals to find culture representation. No gays in sight. Sophia The First looked better than this and brought the magic. One of Disney's junkiest animations. 28-Apr-2024

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Animation, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Cheeky Acting, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Grating, Manipulation, Mean Spirited, Preachy, Predictable, Shrill Act, Silly, Trashy, Vague, Weird, Writer Humiliation

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28-Apr-2024


Talk To Me (2022) Woof

Film still has problems easing diversity into a comfortable setting. They act like they're visitors in someone else's home. There are not enough emotional elements to connect the actors together. They are isolating themselves in a crowded room. Diversity always feels like the elephant in the room. Facing it might dispel the awkwardness and grant more entertainment. The lead doesn't supply enough oxygen to let us in on how she may be feeling besides the obvious. Joe Bird, on the other hand, established himself with eye movements and bodily functions. The film succeeds because it thought outside the box and the scares were great. 07-Apr-2024

Tags: 2020s, Action, Conspiracy Theory, Crapfun, Director Movement, Director's Touch, Drama, Funny, Gay Swatch, Horror, Psychological, Relationships, Scary, Star Watt, Stink Wigs, Suspense, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

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07-Apr-2024


Firstborn (1984) Arf

Michael Apted takes a serious and realistic approach to the venomous step-parents that single parents bring home because they're lonely. Terri Garr adds manic depression to a woman whose future options are crumbling. She latches on to leeches that pay her false attention. The brothers do a great job of conveying how invasive "new dad" feels at different stages of a boy's life. Real dad is fucking twinksies and getting them pregnant so he can replace them. Peter Weller's lips were artistically meant for masks and unmentionable things. Unmasked he's hair, eyes, hips and wickedly intimidating. He dispenses sexual tension and satisfaction whenever he punishes the boys. Scary uncle syndrome. Baby Corey was the younger brother whose life as a victim made him stronger than he thought. Baby Jessica Parker aced acting classes but failed the fashion academy. I don't know if Baby Downey Jr.'s character was supposed to be gay. If they intimated it I missed it. Boy acted like he was trolling for dick. 06-Apr-2024

Tags: 1980s, Accidental Watch, Action Fun, Chemistry, Cute, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Magnetism, Mystery, Relationships, Subtle, Suspense, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

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06-Apr-2024




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