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Movies

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Sputnik (2020) Woof

After completing a space mission, an inexplicable disturbance causes two cosmonauts to crash land back to earth. One is faceless and comatose and the other has a symbiotic alien attached to him. A female doctor about to lose her license is coerced into psychoanalyzing the subject who has no memory or idea that an alien host resides within him. Her job is to cause scientific history by safely separating them. The alien arises during deep sleep and survives the length of an hour outside the cosmonaut. The alien is fiercely freaky and a bloodthirsty asshole. The surprises don't queef, the actors command and the whole is a serious Venom. The Russians may serve their drinks cold but their hearts beat warm. 22-Nov-2020

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Chemistry, Conspiracy Theory, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Drama, Foreign, Good Idea, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Mystery, Relationships, SciFi, Sentimental, Suspense, Sweet, Thriller, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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22-Nov-2020


Abrams: The Boy 2 (2020) Whimper

The doll has a name but it's still beyond comprehension. The tidbits where they played with the doll's expressions was a cute opportunity that was underutilized. Making it react to things in a split second that no one is sure to see might have been fun. Owain Yeoman is a daddy water marker. Never too busy for work, the center of the universe, incompetent and not understanding of the language his son and especially his mother talks. Katie Holmes' dug sharply to give mom the suffocation of not being able to save her child from trauma and the burden of spending a lifetime treating him for it. She can't overcome her own because the kid is always reminding her of it. He was a witness. The more obsessed her son gets with the doll, the icier her mothering becomes. I wish there were a scene where she pummels it to death but no such luck. The set-up was too set, the 30's mystery cues didn't work and the next one needs to scrub the story clean. 18-Nov-2020

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Horror, Mystery, Preposterous, Scare Obvious, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Vague, Weird, Wit Crack, Writ w/Possibilities

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18-Nov-2020


Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey (2020) Arf

I'd watch it again. 16-Nov-2020
The choreography was a bit frenzied and tough for such a whimsical fairytale. The contraptions didn't work without magic so is the protagonist an inventor, a wizard or both? The music didn't hold or break. The cast was enthusiastic and multi-talented. The costumes, the sets, the effects and the hairstyles clinched it and brought much of it to life. The tale would sometimes play it by ear and veer off but the enchantment persisted. 16-Nov-2020

Tags: 2020s, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Drama, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Heart Writ, Musical, Pretty, Sentimental, Star Watt, Sweet, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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16-Nov-2020


Life Ahead, The (2020) Arf

A noble effort that only fortifies its purpose at end. If they had formulated a way to keep the boy's character rebellious with a seeping heart I would have been better invested. The film makes you work for it. Sophia's legend is tasked with being grouchy, tired and sad, just like the film. 16-Nov-2020

Tags: 2020s, Director Hands Off Approach, Drama, Foreign, Heart Writ, Relationships, Sad, Star Watt, Writ w/Possibilities

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16-Nov-2020


Berserk (1967) Arf

Crotch daddy trapezes, animal obedience and special talent, Friday the 13th kill inspiration and madame Crawford eminence in charge. Welcome to the circus. Keep your eyes on daddy, mommy dearest and animal freaks to entertain the crap out of fun. 14-Nov-2020

Tags: 1960s, Camp, Chemistry, Cold, Crapfun, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Gay Swatch, Horror, Hot Swatch, Magnetism, Over the Top, Relationships, Revenge, Star Watt, Violent, Weird, Words Spoke

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14-Nov-2020


Flower Drum Song (1961) Woof

Married At First Sight/90 Day Fiancee. Chinese immigrants curtail their visa wait by UPSing themselves to San Francisco. A father and his well-bred daughter. The goal is to find the man whose family promised the daughter betrothal. Prospect is a bad boy gangster, with gambling addictions, alcohol overconsumption and love for loose women. Picture bride's contract is traded like a football to the father of a son whose fucking Prospect's side piece. A third woman is gunning for the bachelor of Chinatown and the one that screams wife material the most but she is easily discarded. The lyrics refuse to gell. There are no rhythms or rhymes to make us remember them. The dance sequences fare better except that the bungle edits rendered the hard work flawed. San Francisco is a colored gingerbread house and even though the traditions are a bit sticky it's a pleasant world to live in. 11-Nov-2020

Tags: Cultural, Daddy Squish, Dance, Director's Slice, Drama, Funny, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Musical, Pretty, Relationships, Star Watt, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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11-Nov-2020


Downsizing (2017) Woof

A novel scientific resolution to save the environment revolutionizes the planet. The idea is to shrink people by offering the struggling worker a comfortable life and deem prisoners and hostiles of the government their servants. Matt Damon spoke Spanish eloquently, pulled deep emotion and cast a sad hero. Only 3% become small, the planet doesn't get better and life decisions have to be made. I think Kristin Wiig should main it for the sequel. She'd weave a funny awkward life into it. I wanted more of everything. I wanted to nerd out with corny effects and funny big people scenarios but the budget remained tight. The ending is about choices and priorities. We get to choose with them. 11-Nov-2020

Tags: 2010s, Chemistry, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Good Acting, Mystery, Political, SciFi, Star Watt, Subtle, Suspense, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight, Writ w/Possibilities

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11-Nov-2020


Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017) Bites

Surprise. Eliminating Hank Azaria as Gargamel does not make a Smurf franchise better. Besides being objectified, gangbanged and being a procreator, Smurfette is confused about her purpose. She goes on an unenviable adventure to find herself amid little care from the audience. The best stories do not have big bang adventures. They stay close to home so we can empathize with them. Girl Smurf explores and becomes at Lesbian Forest but returns to Smurf Village for the bangs. Sounds about right. 09-Nov-2020

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Action Stomper, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Corn, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Fantasy, Fatigue, Manipulation, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Preposterous, Tacky, Vague, Weird

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09-Nov-2020


Knock, Knock (2015) Arf

Tik Tokkers go hunting and prey upon a super K dad all alone and stoned at home. The wife and their boys went to another location to await him as he finished a job so they can have a family celebration. The girls are mad-driven, sex hungry hot dogs whose destruction you wouldn't lose sleep over. Art makes them mad. They shred it and draw fat penises on it. They perform outrageous skits to make babies and horny daddies pay attention. They have no talent. They hate men. The reason the entire bottom half of the planet yells out daddy during sex is because it's the most familiar. Daddy K is at his squishiest and he rips good emotions from his gut. He applied his action stamina to sex and it was sexy. The torture is guaranteed and Keanu's reactions were spot-on. Eli Roth has mad ideas and his perception is inching closer to clarification. I would but I would get in trouble. 07-Nov-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action Fun, Brutal, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Crapfun, Creepy, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director Insanity, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Magnetism, Music Swings, Mystery, Over the Top, Pretty, Scary, Suspense, Thriller, Violent, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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07-Nov-2020


Beneath Us (2019) Arf

Thrifty white suburbanites hire cute daddy Mexicans to complete house renovations. The offer of money is the fundamental key to keep the men in line and violence is the action that keeps them on the job. Cruelty compensates for a lack of psychological study but the message is loud and clear. Don't work for white people. 06-Nov-2020

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Drama, Good Acting, Horror, Hot Swatch, Mean Spirited, Mystery, Over the Top, Political Satire, Revenge, Scary, Suspense, Thriller, Violent, Words Spoke

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06-Nov-2020


Last Christmas (2019) Whimper

The mother of dragons goes goofy and messy to the legendary tunes of George Michael. Emilia Clarke leads with little sense. She's on a hurtful journey that should have been poignant but is annoying. Henry Golding is hot daddy giant with a glass wall constantly in front of him. Michelle Yeoh (Santa indeed) captivates with elegance, deliciousness and talent. Every actor was directed to pitch to the back audience as if it were a play. No need for that in a film. We don't want it corny but a little less cranky, maybe. Christmas is saturated with lights, the word Jesus in small letters are bountiful and the repetition of a song George Michael would resuscitate from to kill, dominates. There were so many beautiful things the director could have applied to Michael's music but decided basic was better. The ending is a surprising memorable copout. The lead character is insane. 05-Nov-2020

Tags: 2010s, Camp, Comedy, Crapfun, Cultural, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Elegance, Fantasy, Fatigue, Grating, Hot Swatch, Mean Spirited, Music Swings, Preposterous, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Tacky, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

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05-Nov-2020


Over The Moon (2020) Whimper

Glen Keane weaves plenty of magic but the story cremates it. The mythology does not resonate as an inspiring fairy tale that would empower a girl by sending her out of the stratosphere. The how to the moon was unbelievable. I know its fantasy but my brain didn't even want to. Doesn't it cost billions to get a man on the moon? The moon is "gummi land" ruled by the protagonist of the mythology. Chang'e is an exquisite piece of animation whose suffering and selfishness make the circumstances obsolete. I liked everything about home. Home is where the magic needed to happen.

(Why are rabbits only cute in animation?) 04-Nov-2020

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Animate, Beautiful, Chemistry, Comedy, Director's Art, Funny, Good Voice Act, Heart Writ, Music Swings, Over the Top, Preposterous, Sentimental, Suspense, Sweet, Vague, Words Spoke

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04-Nov-2020


His House (2020) Woof

Sudanese refugees receive asylum in England to a house that appears too good to be true. The film exposes the culture's frailties and their strengths by unrolling the past during the celebration of the present. Something is wrong with the house, the husband and the wife. I felt the spit from the hate and I was genuinely spooked. The backstory is the magnet that keeps the house scares from falling apart. Some the of visuals meandered, separated from the backbone and made little sense but the writing kept it in check. The director is exploring, Sope Dirisu is grinding and the reach for excellence is pretty close. 03-Nov-2020

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Creepy, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Drama, Funny, Good Acting, Good Idea, Heart Writ, History, Horror, Hot Swatch, Life, Music Swings, Mystery, Political, Relationships, Revenge, Scary, Sentimental, Star Watt, Suspense, Tough, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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03-Nov-2020


Bad Hair (2020) Arf

Girl gives in to the establishment of success and gets a weave. The essence of the owner lives in the hair and it has a thirst for blood. The film is campily set and perfectly cast, utilizing every 80s fashion tragedy to funny effect. Vanessa Williams arrives to chew scenery and she eats divinely. Elle Lorraine is the joke, the punchline and the effect. The knitting of the weave was excruciating and the hair sucking the blood flow from a dripping vagina was handy. 31-Oct-2020

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action Fun, Camp, Comedy, Crapfun, Cute, Daddy Squish, Director Experiment, Enthusiastic, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Idea, Horror, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Scary, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Tacky, Violent, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

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31-Oct-2020


Thing, The (2011) Woof

The prequel follows Carpenter's roadmap to the letter. It doesn't interrupt and it doesn't reinvent. Its purpose is to continue. The difference it serves is a stunning CGI monster that places the film in the sci-fi horror fun club. 29-Oct-2020

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Action, Action Fun, Brutal, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Drama, Enthusiastic, Gory, Horror, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Prequel, Scary, SciFi, Sentimental, Star Watt, Suspense, Tough, Violent, Writ Tight

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29-Oct-2020




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