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Movies

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Rental, The (2020) Arf

Renting a luxury home owned by white supremacists when there is a minority in the group. The cast met the challenge, relationships were established but the surprise was overdue. It doesn't make sense that it would choose this particular moment to explode. They simplified the monster to avoid an impact. Franco insanity make the colors more vibrant but the director's lack of mythology gave us no reason to care about it.

Next time, go nuts! 01-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Chemistry, Crapfun, Creepy, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Horror, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Mystery, Preposterous, Relationships, Star Watt, Suspense, Thriller, Vague, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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01-Mar-2021


Semi-Tough (1977) Howl

A childhood trio of friends deepen their bond in adulthood. Two ridiculous chunks of meat and a canned tuna. Delicious. The dialogue smacks, cuts, is dry and intelligent. I've never laughed so hard at subtlety. Burt, Jill and Kris were on full star watt. They were beautiful, crazy, athletic, sexy, fucked up, funny and sweet. 28-Feb-2021

Tags: 1970s, Accidental Watch, Adorable, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Magnetism, Physical Humor, Relationships, Romance, Sentimental, Sexy, Sports, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Stink Wigs, Sweet, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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28-Feb-2021


Swiss Family Robinson (1960) Howl

Swiss family travel the high seas to claim new land and eco-trash it. Pirates attack the ship as they sleep, all the passengers jump to safety and nobody awakens them. Were they not liked? They were probably snooty. TG they left an animal farm, nails and enough ammo to kill an army. Shipwrecked. The Ewoks would have barked at the unrealism of the home the family creates for itself on new land but it has Disney magic and it's fun to watch. As they settle into tranquility the parents ponder the future of their three sons. The boys would inherit nothing without women to love lest they do the animals or worst, each other. A trans boy makes it onto the island and Cain and Abel are awakened to some sexual clarity. It's preposterously gorgeous, impossible, animalistic, adventurous, violent and joyous. 28-Feb-2021

Tags: 1960s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Beautiful, Best In Action, Best in Fantasy, Camp, Chemistry, Classic, Crapfun, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Heart Writ, History, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Mystery, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Relationships, Sentimental, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Tough, Twinkie, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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28-Feb-2021


United States Vs. Billie Holiday (2021) Howl

Men of the United States vs. a gifted opinion. She may have been a vampire but all the men sucked her dry. We cancelled her and she died. Who's fault is that? Andra Day. Her hard work is on the floor. She never reached druggy nirvana because she kept her light on even as things got darker. Pitch perfect on voice and beauty. The real legend was nasty and obtrusive. More of that. Trevante Rhodes is a cum daddy. I can cum by the thought of him. Tone Bell came and realized the fantasy but Rhodes went and smashed it with inhuman muscular sex. Rob Morgan is the guy with the 18 1/2" just older. Yum. Lee Daniels does not fuss too much. He wants to tell a clean story. When he imagines a woman's sensuality through the eyes of a victimized child, it is golden but when he doesn't subjugate us with it, the passion is lost. It would have been diamond had he folded with consummation. He couldn't give in to that. (We can take it daddy.) He kept the politics low and gave the legend the last laugh. That's cool. 27-Feb-2021

Tags: 2020s, Bio, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Director's Achievement, Drama, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Magnetism, Music Swings, Political, Romance, Sentimental, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Timid, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight, Writ w/Possibilities

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27-Feb-2021


Strongest Man In The World, The (1975) Woof

Inventing the formula that adds super-human strength to a person. A Disney kabob of good nature, silliness, comedy, simplicity and pro efficiency run amok. 24-Feb-2021

Tags: 1970s, Action, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Physical Humor, Pretty, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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24-Feb-2021


Nomadland (2020) Woof

How to minimize your carbon footprint by living like a dot. Though well portrayed and explored the film only pulled sadness from me. 19-Feb-2021

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Director's Touch, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Good Acting, Inactivity, Political, Sad, Slow, Star Watt, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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19-Feb-2021


Space Sweepers (2021) Woof

The earth has become Mexico red. 5 percent of the privileged population safely inhabit space governing the remaining 95% that will die with earth. Space sweepers clear space from waste. It's a competition. The team who swipes it first wins and gets paid. I got absorbed in its universal travelogue. I wanted to see more of dying earth and plastic earth but understood the budget restrictions. They concentrated on delivering a humane story against a space adventure. The robot is a human-like child set to detonate and cause a nuclear disaster on earth. She is the new cargo the Victory ship undertakes. They are afraid of her as they are enamored. It's done with cheeky humor, a team that kicked ass and a heart that saps with the wind. It doesn't hit your face in a glob. It spreads out so you can gently dab. Every representation spoke their language and it sounded musical and educational. The little girl was adorable and the action was Tony The Tiger. 18-Feb-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Adorable, Chemistry, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Gay Swatch, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Physical Humor, Sap, SciFi, Sentimental, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Touching, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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18-Feb-2021


Avengers, The (2012) Woof

Arise the madness. Superhero magnificence. 16-Feb-2021

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Best In Action, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Revenge, SciFi, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Sweet, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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16-Feb-2021


Pete's Dragon (2016) Arf

This is the the corny one but not to death. Elliot is a majestic dragon with fur and radioactive green. It still acts like a dog but it's butchy. Slave boy becomes orphan boy after wandering off into the forest post a fatal family crash. He is adopted by Elliott, becomes Tarzan boy, lives with animals, lives like animals and acquires 6 years knowledge of the English language by reading the same baby book over and over. No. The dragon doesn't talk. He whimpers. I frown on animals talking but dragons don't exist so it's okay for them to talk when we need shit explained. Redford was enervating, Howard was luminous and Fegly imagined. Sweet and magical moments stand out. 16-Feb-2021

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Fantasy, Indecipherable, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Sap, Silly, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Timid, Weird

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16-Feb-2021


Pete's Dragon (1977) Woof

As a child I was terrified that the corniness of the film would kill me so I never bothered to watch it. It's corny with dragon balls. Green dragon appears to a runaway slave in need of help. The mythology of why the dragon appears or who sent him is slight. The boy's buyers are backwoods insane with a penchant for punishing children with violence and physical labor. Little boy slave flees with his dragon to Karentown where he meets the liberated mom of his magical dreams in a town not easily convinced by his dirty face. Elliot the dragon is not as big as you'd expect, probably because a kid imagined him, he's green with fairy wings and a mohawk. I thought he was going to talk. He does not talk. He murmurs? He also acts like a bumbling dog and can become invisible. You can feel the smallness of the town and the film. It's quaint with great aspirations. 16-Feb-2021

Tags: 1970s, Action Fun, Camp, Comedy, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Music Swings, Musical, Sweet, Tough, Weird, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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16-Feb-2021


Where The Boys Are (1984) Whimper

Cis men will get a hard-on during. 75%. Gay men will get a hard-on going. 55%. Women only see what they want to see. 100%. Romance knows no bounds. Hangover. 13-Feb-2021

Tags: 1980s, Accidental Watch, Camp, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Director Insanity, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Sort of, Gay Swatch, Horny, Hot Swatch, Musical Bombast, Over the Top, Preposterous, Relationships, Romance, Sexist, Sexy, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Tough, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit

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13-Feb-2021


Million Dollar Duck (1971) Woof

Dean Jones may have looked tired but he was worth rescuing. Sandy Duncan hinted at intelligent comedic capabilities. A cute kid, a Disney radiated duck and a scrupulous cast kept the ridiculous from permeating. The duck shat gold. Sweet, funny and imaginary nonsense. Grandma will love it! 08-Feb-2021

Tags: 1970s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Comedy, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director Insanity, Director Movement, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Relationships, Sentimental, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Sweet, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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08-Feb-2021


Bedknobs And Broomsticks (1971) Howl

At the age of nine my gay aunt took me to see this film. It was my first time in an American Movie Theater. Of course mother took me to the theater but it had to be in Spanish and include softcore porn, party music and/or sadistic violence. I saw that shit everyday. I wanted magic.

A witch that needs one last spell to obliterate the Nazis. Awesome education for kids. Show them who the enemy is. Angela Lansbury weaved spells and lulled me soundly to sleep. Charming no-nonsense woman. The spells were clever, the effects maintained the innocence of the time and the magic was reestablished. The writers concocted fairytales from the jumble in kids' heads and made sense of them. The music, the production, the fun and great sportsmanship kept the gift alive. Thank you, Auntie. 08-Feb-2021

Tags: 1970s, Accidental Watch, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Adorable, Chemistry, Classic, Comedy, Crapfun, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Music Swings, Physical Humor, Political Satire, Suspense, Sweet, Tough, Twisty, War, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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08-Feb-2021


Star Wars: Revenge Of The Sith (2005) Arf

General Grievous is a product of Lucas' craft. The Tech Master hardly disappointed. The fail was foretelling everything before it happened depriving us of emotional surprise and leaning heavily on sap. I thought Hayden was done vomiting. Dude, he had diarrhea and it stank up the whole universe. I replaced him with a young Jack Nicholson. (Jack was dark, charming and a hoot. That laugh.) Unfortunately the saga is reliant on Anakin Skywalker making a satisfying transition to Darth Vader. He does not. I would have put a helmet on that kid halfway through the 2nd film just to avoid the misery. He even infected Natalie Portman. Samuel L. Jackson couldn't give three fucks. Ewan McGregor sported adorable hair, eloquence and force chill. Yoda kicked more ass. Christensen yucked it up! The diarrhea was epidemic. 06-Feb-2021

Tags: 2000s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Bad Acting, Daddy Squish, Director Insanity, Director Movement, Director's Art, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Relationships, Sap, Slow, Writ w/Possibilities

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06-Feb-2021


Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones (2002) Woof

Ewan Mcgregor found the force. Samuel L. Jackson couldn't give two shits. Christopher Lee honored his count. Natalie Portman settled in. Hayden Christensen was anemic and woozy and almost vomited all over the film except that the magic of George Lucas was dominant and triumphant. TG. Can't we CG him out? More universe is explored, Jango Fett and Yoda kicked ass and the adventure was accomplished. I loved playing this game. 05-Feb-2021

Tags: 2000s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Comic Book, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Sap, SciFi, Star Watt, Writ w/Possibilities

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05-Feb-2021




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