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Being The Ricardos (2021) WhimperEarly Exit

I exited before any more of my brain cells died. Not all geniuses are meant to portray geniuses. Nicole doesn't squeak enough or husk enough. She couldn't pick an accent from Lucy's bountiful history to make us believe she was Lucille Ball. Nicole is an Australian model failing as a moll bride. Lucy cracked and she bellowed. Ridiculousness was her class and experience was her wisdom. Nicole understood neither. Javier may be a fuckable specimen on his own accord but Desi wasn't that heavily accented or pitiable. Daddy needed some voodoo guidance. Aaron Sorkin placed the blame on Lucy. Fuck you! 22-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Bio, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Early Exit, False Action, Fatigue, Preposterous, Relationships, Sad, Trashy, Weird

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22-Dec-2021


Queen Bees (2021) Whimper

A "These Old Broads" rip. Parents only know how to parent children. Grandma cannot prove that she is self-sufficient. Family and an accident coerce her into a senior home where conversion therapy for the dying (bffs) and medical staff await. It's a high school for broken bones. The writers applied one word descriptions to their legends. They are characterized as "extreme" (Burstyn), "cranky bitch" (Curtain), "sex kitten" (Ann-Margret), and "why the fuck are you here?" (Devine.) These women have accumulated enough historical fanfare to study and for writers to create great characters. Adding something personal would have reminded us why these ladies are great but instead they minimized them. Ellen Burstyn is a powerhouse, Jane Curtain is a Jane, bitch, Ann-Margret is a tiger and Tina Turner is a legacy. Oh. That wasn't Tina Turner? But she's Ann's friend. Oh. 21-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Predictable, Sap, Silly, Star Watt, Timid

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21-Dec-2021


Flubber (1997) Arf

No one should be interested in a man that has left their love waiting at the altar three times. It labels the neglected, a doormat. Robin Williams is the Professor that discovers Flubber. Flubber is a squishy jello substance that appears animal except when it's being materialized as a money making substance. No one dies when hit by a fastball, brains don't get smashed when hit by bowling balls. The film thinks it's funny to apply the same stitches to both. Death is the realistic word. Weebo is a sexy pitched robot that sparks jealousy. Robots and emotions are confusing. We are not of the experienced mind to buy it. Robin is the sad guy who gets left, not the ass clown with regrets. Williams' sweetness permeates, creativity enervates but the story has no gas. 20-Dec-2021

Tags: 1990s, Comedy, Comic Book, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Preposterous, Star Watt, Wit Crack, Words Spoke

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20-Dec-2021


Old (2021) Whimper

At no point do we believe we are anywhere but in a M Knight nightmare. Occurrences collide so speedily that we don't have time to absorb them. M Knight believes that getting old is life's worst irony but he doesn't explore why. His fear limited him. Women return to screaming, black men are fast-food, disheveled beauty hurts, Bernal's legs are perfect and children fuck. I didn't understand it and didn't want to. It's a free blowjob in a foreign country with too many rules to find release. 14-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Bad Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Mystery, Timid, Weird, Wit Crack, Writ w/Possibilities

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14-Dec-2021


Power Of The Dog, The (2021) Whimper

There is no dog in sight. Teen with effeminate ways grabs the attention of the town bully and gets a crush on him. Son is subjected to alpha humiliation that gives him a hard-on which makes mother heartbroken yet keeps boy obsessed with tempting the savage. She marries the bully's brother and moves into the bully's home where he finishes her son off. Cumberbatch has no idea what a cowboy is. He jangles and jingles with exaggerated sounds of the west and comical highwaters but only his butt stood out. His pronunciation of "fatso" held no effect because he didn't know what the fuck it was. It's not a fact, it's a genial insult. His slow drawl compensates for an accent with no attachment to history. He is miscast because the safety of the participants prevails great art. No one is going to take a chance on a toxic male presence for reality's sake. Rick from The Walking Dead would have made a savage cowboy. Jane Campion is obsessed with certain keys of the piano and noises that no one else finds comforting. Kirsten Dunst would have given an award worthy performance if someone had written her one. Her character is scattered and listless. Hiring a tall boy doesn't diminish the film going Brokeback with a child. The film may not consummate it but we're not stupid. Jane Campion spends so much time lingering that the thought is lost. 06-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Depressing, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Inactivity, Preposterous, Relationships, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, Too Long, Vague

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06-Dec-2021


Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (2020) Woof

Except for the ball period sketch everything in Bruno 2 is tamer. No other scenario matched the brilliance of capturing rich people's horrified faces at watching a reality drenched tampon commercial. It was the biggest laugh. The main two pushed their talents to the max but no super crazy shit was allowed. 02-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Funny, Good Acting, Music Swings, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Political Satire, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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02-Dec-2021


Bruised (2021) Whimper

The film describes a violent female as a failed mother/wife/child whose rage needs to be re-directed towards a profit. A killer that knows when to stop is a champion. They don't fight to save the world but themselves. Halle's fighter is homeless, negative and miserable. She keeps her feelings Eastwood. The boy's tongue was cut because he was either a lousy actor or the audience doesn't need to hear a black boy speak. Hispanics inherit black male stereotypes. Lesbian and mama were ready to sparkle but were given little illumination. It piles cliches without original thinking. I kept hoping she was a secretary with a hot lesbian boss. At least she would have been cute. 28-Nov-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Cultural, Depressing, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Macho Posing, Predictable, Relationships, Retread, Sap, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Wit Crack

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28-Nov-2021


Scoob (2020) Arf

Scoob wasted little time visiting memory lane. Shaggy almost lost me when he ate the meat that Scooby dragged across the city's streets. Shaggy's voice doesn't crack enough. Scooby's diction has cleared up and he's become an Avenger. The visits from neighboring toons are a nice touch but are not properly integrated into the Scooby mythology. It's origins taught kids how to unmask the monsters in their lives and fight back. The movie missed that point. They sure were cute, though. 28-Nov-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Adorable, Animation, Chemistry, Crapfun, Cute, Director's Touch, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Music: Disposable Soundtrack, Predictable, Preposterous, Sentimental, Sweet, Timid, Wit Crack, Writ w/Possibilities

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28-Nov-2021


Babysitter, The (1995) Arf

Alicia Silverstone's baby's breadth drives all the boys and men to ferocious perverted thoughts. The victim is mildly annoyed and unaware of how struck her admirers are. She ignores all sexual advances and treats them as man/boy quirks that only occur when no one is looking. The male fantasies are an intrusive director ploy but the sentiments are not. Girly is going to get fucked in the end, but by whom. It's half the town. 27-Nov-2021

Tags: 1990s, Accidental Watch, Action, Chemistry, Drama, Good Acting, Mystery, Scary, Star Watt, Suspense, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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27-Nov-2021


War Of The Worlds, The (1953) Woof

God was so angry at us in the 50's that he sent aliens with innovative tech to destroy us. The film details the science and the purpose. Actors are effective. Effects hold up. Its relevance withstands. 26-Nov-2021

Tags: 1950s, Action Fun, Best in Sci-Fi, Camp, Classic, Conspiracy Theory, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Inspired, SciFi, Star Watt, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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26-Nov-2021


Shang-Chi & The Legend of Ten Rings (2021) Woof

It opens with a sober mythological tale. The action sequences lift our feet off the floor. Awkafina is refreshing. She makes corny scenarios funny. Simu Liu is a ripped pocket ass kicker. The story crumbles when daddy issues arise and Marvel wokeness and grandstanding are inserted. Motivations are vague, the writing can't keep up with the tech and by the end, the movement becomes an oncoming train. 21-Nov-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Beautiful, Chemistry, Comic Book, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Drama, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Hot Swatch, Macho Posing, Musical Bombast, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Sap, Silly, Star Watt, Vague, Wit Crack, Wit Snit

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21-Nov-2021


Replicas (2018) Whimper

Daddy K suffers tragedy. He loses family members in unison. Frankenstein is the science that can revive them. Our favorite thing about Keanu is his uncomfortable meter. Papi looks uncomfortable and that's great. It makes you want to spit shine his doorknob so he can calm down. Robots don't cut it, emotions don't transfer, I fell asleep, rewound, sobered up and still didn't get it. 08-Nov-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Daddy Squish, Preposterous, SciFi, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Unenthusiastic, Wit Crack, Writ w/Possibilities

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08-Nov-2021


Chosen, The (1981) Woof

Jewish boys entangle friendship with identity, religion, tradition and politics. It's a pensive film that details opposing sides of a general consensus. They want their culture to thrive. The boys are genuine. Robby Benson casts his teenage dream aside and aces a cold and precise believer. The parents make some good points. A boy can't become a man without tremendous change. 07-Nov-2021

Tags: 1980s, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Drama, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Quiet, Relationships, Sentimental, Star Watt, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight

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07-Nov-2021


Hell House (1981) Arf

An unaccomplished masterpiece disguised as a fraud. The fright was fraught with reason. Background was eerily traced. Twinks were luminescent and Linda Blair never flinched but the budget limited its art. 04-Nov-2021

Tags: 1980s, Action Fun, Camp, Chemistry, Crapfun, Creepy, Director's Slice, Enthusiastic, Funny, Horror, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Silly, Tough, Words Spoke

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04-Nov-2021


Bat, The (1959) Arf

Lesbian writer moves into a fully staffed mansion that quits once "The Bat" killer strikes town. Some of the pestilence Agnes Moorhead has to rid her mansion of is the Queen of Horror, Vincent Price. "The Bat" killer has only one claw. They couldn't afford a seamstress? Silly shenanigans aside, it's about a famous artist on the down low living a glorious life with her lover as her maid. Brilliant. That part. 02-Nov-2021

Tags: 1950s, Chemistry, Conspiracy Theory, Crapfun, Drama, Funny, Gay, Good Acting, Horror, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Wit Snit

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02-Nov-2021




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