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Movies

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Wonderland (2003) Woof

The washed up male porn star with a huge dick cliche. His 14" cock was the ladder that should have saved the world. John Holmes was a porn king who sold his soul to the devil to continue to do drugs and have sex. John Holmes was either the mastermind that plotted the worst heist of his life or he was really dumb. Baby Kate Bosworth was a great young innocent in love with the aura of a "man." Lisa Kudrow was Beatrice Straight from Network. Underwritten, marvelous and powerful. She didn't flinch. Val Kilmer softens the big cock brute by being genuine. The reenactments of what occurred that fateful night raced to a satisfying conclusion. 04-Apr-2022

Tags: 2000s, Chemistry, Director's Touch, Drama, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Relationships, Revenge, Romance, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Trashy, Violent, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight

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04-Apr-2022


Throne Of Blood (1957) Full Moon

Kurosawa's imagining of Macbeth was intoxicating. He lingered until we felt the character's desperation. The background was still and intimidating. The actors wore silent film faces with impassioned speak. Toshiro Mifune was a beast royale as MacBeth. Isuzu Yamada was fabulously haunting as his Lady. The rustle of her dress, the scary predictions, the make-up and bouts of violent madness. She was a favorite thing. Deaths were choreographed with coherent math and geography. Inspiration is achieved but masterpiece recreation is impossible because the best things in it happened by accident. 28-Mar-2022

Tags: 1950s, Action Fun, Beautiful, Best In Drama, Best In Foreign, Brutal, Chemistry, Classic, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Foreign, Fun, Great Acting, Magnetism, Music Swings, Star Watt, Suspense, Tough, War, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight, Writing Reigns

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28-Mar-2022


King Richard (2021) Whimper

Strict father manipulates the sporting world into driving his daughters to legendary. Working your child like a horse is an investment in greatness if it gains you wealth but a questionable tactic if daddy applies it to chores. Will Smith's Mr. Williams was a hero who broke his daughters' backs, peddled them for attention and talked about tennis, all day long. Yes, his speak was most intolerable. Aunjanue Ellis registered strong heart as a neglected wife. Jehovah's Witnesses don't say god or church. I wasn't allowed to. Interjections of woke history lend it fable qualities. If the women are so great, why is this foolish man speaking for them? 25-Mar-2022

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Bio, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Cliche, Drama, Star Watt, Timid, Vague, Words Spoke

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25-Mar-2022


Halloween Kills (2021) Arf

Oops. Laurie and Mike are not the brother and sister alluded to in Halloween 2. It was a myth and a modern waste of a great arc. 21-Mar-2022
It assembled an historically amiable and able cast. Laurie Strode wasn't it's focus and I accepted that. There will always be a boogeyman stalking baby breaths and heroes willing to fight to keep them that way. The remembrances are welcome, the music is everything, the recreations worked but the constant reminder of Mike Myer's significance was hokey. The presentation screamed mythology over-identification. Michael Myers craned his neck in sympathy when he watched victims die. He ignored some but not others. It's tacky to make him talk but WTF? Is he a robot? I want to know what he's thinking. Give him voiceover thoughts or grunts. A showdown is brewing between brother and sister. It would be appropriate that before judgment is cast upon him that we get to hear his interpretation. 01-Mar-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Classic, Crapfun, Creepy, Director's Touch, Drama, Fun, Gay Swatch, Horror, Music Swings, Political Satire, Relationships, Revenge, Scary, Shrill Act, Star Watt, Suspense, Twisty, Violent, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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21-Mar-2022


Turning Red (2022) Howl

Child's emotions are awakened when she experiences Leak Week. A family curse has her turning into a fuzzy red panda that transforms her life and liberates her loins. She's becoming a woman. The family wants to keep the hairy beast on the downlow but children can't be remote controlled. The child keeps it padded with the support of friends and the hope to attend a concert of sex gods (a boy band.) The film is fresh, the music is sprite and the art is gorgeous. 20-Mar-2022

Tags: 2020s, Adorable, Animation, Chemistry, Comedy, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fun, Funny, Good Voice Act, Heart Writ, Music Swings, Prequel, Relationships, Sweet, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight

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20-Mar-2022


Green Knight, The (2020) Arf

A scary Christmas tree disrupts the holiday of a royal court by suggesting a game. The tree will sacrifice its life if the hero taking it, returns the kindness a year later. The bastard son who has only been acknowledged this Christmas, volunteers. He becomes a celebrated knight who downed a beast that will eventually down him but is enjoying the best year of his life. The fairytale has no significance. Magic appears without explanation. The voyage is gorgeously dull. The director casts some beautiful shadows and illuminates good acting but confirming that all mistakes in life repeat themselves is depressing. 16-Mar-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Director's Achievement, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Music Swings, Preposterous, Relationships, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Weird, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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16-Mar-2022


Father Takes A Wife (1941) Arf

Menopausal shipping magnate dumps his business and distances himself from family because he wants to re-marry. The wife is a young Gloria Swanson playing a celebrated actress ready to retire with the old rich man of every woman's dream. She had money and success but wanted security. Adolphe Menjou was too cute and proper to put down but mama Swanson deserved to fuck his boring beautiful son. The film is split in three. Intro fears, adaptation, immigration, saving the planet and regretting it. Swanson and Menjou quarrel about masculinity and woman's liberation while receiving modern advice from the son and sweet wife. The event is Desi Arnaz as a stowaway on their honeymoon cruise where they decide to rescue him and offer him a lifestyle only the elite could afford. He can sing, shave and fuck like a bandit and he's pretty too. He deserved to fuck everybody including senior and junior. Swanson deserved to put him on her plate. Desi's accent was very light and we got to experience him how Lucy saw him. A beautiful ham. Its heart was distant, the comedy avoided the soul but the pretense was fun. 14-Mar-2022

Tags: 1940s, Camp, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Sweet, Vague, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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14-Mar-2022


Humoresque (1946) Howl

Like Batman I focused on a minor detail that should have gotten someone fired and the picture burnt. Ms. Crawford's leg looks beat up. Is it make-up? Is it black nail polish? Did she fall down a flight of stairs? Are those surgery scars? Is that why she's sitting? Was she secretly dirty? It looks awful. 14-Mar-2022
Should you expect payback for endorsing a genius? The film ponders it and applies solutions. John Garfield was born to play broke hot daddies with genius and obsessive compulsions. Joan Crawford always "manned up" to cure them. Ms. Crawford was almost comical until she put on a pair of glasses and blossomed into a bona fide artist. It was classic thespian. The parents' interjection seemed appropriate to the traditions of a hard working family. The family worked to establish a genius and survive. Mama and papa were the mama and papa that lucky children got. Papa looked out while mama cared a lot. Flashbacks were insightful. Ms. Crawford was fashionably tailored to her specifications. The story happens. Oscar Levant was the wisecracking loser that coasted from genius because he failed on his own. He spoke the uncomfortable words the "damned" never listened to because he wasn't "hot." Funny. 04-Mar-2022

Tags: 1940s, Chemistry, Classic, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Director's Art, Drama, Elegance, Fun, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Magnetism, Music Swings, Relationships, Sentimental, Star Watt, Trashy, Twisty, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight, Writing Reigns

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14-Mar-2022


Adam Project, The (2022) Woof

Super daddy, a chunk (of meat) and his mini spar through time travel to end time travel. Sci-fi is comic book, action is diverting, writing is pensive but the three leads hold it together. The boy mimicked an asshole just like Ryan Reynolds would. Mark Ruffalo is a war torn daddy born to parent an asshole. The wattage, the funny, the adorable and the sweet were all there. 13-Mar-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Camp, Chemistry, Comic Book, Conspiracy Theory, Cute, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Drama, Fun, Funny, Good Acting, Heart Writ, SciFi, Sentimental, Silly, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

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13-Mar-2022


Don't Breathe 2 (2021) Arf

Blindman wants to remain a dot, raising a stolen daughter, being stealthy and 100% sexless when it should be the opposite. Pervert! The child gets to choose the lesser of two evils. That's not fair. We get to know who the asshole is before the mystery begins. The clues to existence are ludicrous. Daddy's fun, kid has moments, all is a statement of life insecurity, terror and failure. The violence is pretty good. 12-Mar-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action Fun, Brutal, Camp, Chemistry, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Music Swings, Suspense, Thriller, Tough, Trashy, Weird, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

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12-Mar-2022


Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013) Arf

Apt sequel that glamorizes its predecessor and makes Leatherface a hero. It's a chill, spook and gay spectacular. 06-Mar-2022

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Stomper, Brutal, Camp, Crapfun, Creepy, Director's Achievement, Drama, Enthusiastic, Gay Swatch, Horror, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Over the Top, Porn Violence, Scary, Sequel, Stupid Funny, Tough, Trashy, Twisty, Violent, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

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06-Mar-2022


West Side Story (2021) Arf

The conception in Spielberg's imagination is fully realized when it opens. As soon as other elements take control the vision becomes duller. Ariana DeBose would have reached untouchable had she toned it. She was an anxious cheerleader. The musical score needed a lot more oomph. The original soundtrack had the voices echoing in the streets because they were the only voices in the street. The music has been prettified and unchallenged. Ansel Elgort is miscast as "anyone" because he doesn't look like he feels anything. I love Rita and she deserves to be in it. As soon as Spielberg settles into magic a bad accent with no hunger ruins it. The gymnasium edit had me taking deep breadths of joy but somebody decided to cut offline which killed the rhythm and choked the climax. Spielberg is a phenomenon whose films do best when everyone can realize his vision. Very few on this film could. 02-Mar-2022

Tags: 2020s, Director's Touch, Drama, Heart Writ, Musical, Prequel, Relationships, Sentimental, Star Watt, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

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02-Mar-2022


Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) Bites

Scripting black people to complain about cops and confederate flags is not thoughtful. Killing all the black actors anyway, is not giving a shit. Making me confused about female sexuality is a useless gay time thing. Leatherface is nothing without family dependability. He was the icing on the family cake. A family that celebrated meat, farming and death. Icing without cake is a blob. 22-Feb-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Cultural, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Over the Top, Porn Violence, Preachy, Repetitive, Retread, Scare Obvious, Shrill Act, Silly, Tacky, Trashy, Wit Crack

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22-Feb-2022


Antlers (2021) Whimper

It makes you ponder things not worth a hill of beans because saying "hello" is not the same as "how are you?" They hired a mama and papa wrecker to be abused by a legend that is more of a stereotype than a mystery. The kids are nasty. I was highly insulted. 22-Feb-2022

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Depressing, Disappointment, Fatigue, Horror, Preposterous, Rapey, Scary, Star Watt, Suspense, Violent, Writ w/Possibilities

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22-Feb-2022


Mikey (1992) Howl

The inestimable is the most hurtful. Brian Bonsall played Mikey, a throwaway child with trust, jealousy and psychotic issues. The actor had the smarts of an adult aware of its value. Everyone loves "new" adorable thing until it becomes codependent and angry. The conversations are the same as today, which freaked me out. "We're still talking about the same shit with the non-resolutions." Mikey is presented as an adoptive boy trying to adjust to a family that has suddenly enforced rules. They must die, the most inept investigators can't solve it and adorable little Mikey is psychoanalyzed for PTSD after secretly killing them. The psychiatrist frees him into the adoption system with an "all he needs is love" diagnosis and Mikey moves on to the next stupid family. Mikey has learned that electricity and water don't mix, you can hit real balls with bats, cops can't solve anything, mothers just stand there screaming while you're stabbing them to death and to remove the bullets from adult guns and disconnect their phones so they can't fight back. Empty guns waving in the dark. Elementary school sports training consisted of coaches deciding which boy would be a "skin" or a "shirt" for no apparent reason other than to be a pervert. Telling certain kids and not others to strip is insulting and absolutely gay. His favorite teacher becomes suspicious of the boy's monstrous tendencies when he adds marbles to her "marble game." A box is designated for the kids to drop marbles they earn for good deeds. The more marbles of goodness you inherit the quicker you can fill it so its doors burst open and you can receive a prize. She investigates his history but his adoption file is closed and the witnesses are minimal. There is no living thing that is safe when Mikey gets pissed. Will he spare no one? Kids dragging adult dead bodies, killing cats, feeding frogs to sharks, setting up the boyfriend and using a bow and arrow to kill are hilarious. Everything looks TV safe and appealing, the deaths are LOL and Bonsall keeps on giving. He is the conservative cunt that arises when successful families keep pushing the same subject without advancing. Mikey is the child liberated from bullshit. Baby boy is my new "Carrie."

PS: dudes, if she wants childrenx and you don't, show her this movie. Repeated viewing depends on her voracity for children and disdain for the film. Keep it downlow. We don't want to damage her. Keep it stealthily in the background and don't stop watching it. Make it a top ten of all time. Yeah, it's crap but its better than having a baby. 21-Feb-2022

Tags: 1990s, Action Fun, Baby Wrecks, Camp, Chemistry, Crapfun, Creepy, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fresh, Fun, Funny, Good Acting, Hilarious, Mean Spirited, Music Swings, Over the Top, Preposterous, Silly, Suspense, Tough, Trashy, Violent, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight, Writ w/Possibilities

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21-Feb-2022




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