Movies
Rating key:
Welcome to Errattic! We encourage you to customize the type of information you see here by clicking the Preferences link on the top of this page.
Godzilla Minus One (2023)
Beautiful disaster. 04-Jun-2024
First Omen, The (2024)
They couldn't follow up the original story so they made shit up. I wanted to see the devil fuck a jackal. In what Walt Disney world is that not possible? It took cues from The Nun without inhabiting what made the original Omen successful. Actors we cared about bringing a terrific book to life. A score that lives in my eternal memory. A director that defined it without judging it. Damien-Omen II's foreboding notes would have given the movie strength and fan base pleasure throughout, if they had thought to use it. 01-Jun-2024
Madame Web (2024)
The only Madame Web I know is from the Spider-Man animated series. She was an elder with psychic gifts who spiritually assisted Peter Parker. The comic book origins were tinkered with, pulled and redesigned into a television movie. There are about 2 minutes of Spider-women geared up and it's not enough. The ladies were solid but the story was squishy. New Spider-man is the only suited one which renders fights unfair since the girls have no powers. If they were trying for subtlety they should have hired an out of the box writer and director. The ladies sprinkled enough fairy dust for me to follow them but their destinies lead to shit. 14-May-2024
Holdovers, The (2023)
Giamatti is the cunt that the film feeds off of. The youngster missed an opportunity to turn on his star charm and lost out on bosom buddy gold. Ms. Randolph was the most mesmerizing character but we didn't see much of her to evaluate her capabilities. Carrie Preston played the nice character with inappropriate hypocrisy. I didn't believe a nice word she said. It made Christmas an overwhelming experience. It's a visit back to a place you want to forget. Music was timely and appreciated. The experience is a beautiful bird expecting to fly with only one wing. 05-May-2024
Wish (2023)
I tried watching through the eyes of a child and it confused me. What do you mean that man has my wish. I made ten wishes yesterday and two came true. I don't even remember that one wish everybody's talking about. Fuck it. It's only one. The film has Ariana DeBose energy and a Barbie stance. DeBose is so excited to show us what she's got that she faux climaxes before she has to. Some of the songs actually sounded musical. Pine's Shatner was so good that it stunk. The last man with a working penis is stealing little girl dreams. (None of the dreams were to marry a man to save them?) The women and some of their friends band together to destroy him. Some of the friends consisted of weak or mentally disabled boys and feeble grandfathers with no reach. I presume we had to look towards the animals to find culture representation. No gays in sight. Sophia The First looked better than this and brought the magic. One of Disney's junkiest animations. 28-Apr-2024
Talk To Me (2022)
Film still has problems easing diversity into a comfortable setting. They act like they're visitors in someone else's home. There are not enough emotional elements to connect the actors together. They are isolating themselves in a crowded room. Diversity always feels like the elephant in the room. Facing it might dispel the awkwardness and grant more entertainment. The lead doesn't supply enough oxygen to let us in on how she may be feeling besides the obvious. Joe Bird, on the other hand, established himself with eye movements and bodily functions. The film succeeds because it thought outside the box and the scares were great. 07-Apr-2024
Firstborn (1984)
Michael Apted takes a serious and realistic approach to the venomous step-parents that single parents bring home because they're lonely. Terri Garr adds manic depression to a woman whose future options are crumbling. She latches on to leeches that pay her false attention. The brothers do a great job of conveying how invasive "new dad" feels at different stages of a boy's life. Real dad is fucking twinksies and getting them pregnant so he can replace them. Peter Weller's lips were artistically meant for masks and unmentionable things. Unmasked he's hair, eyes, hips and wickedly intimidating. He dispenses sexual tension and satisfaction whenever he punishes the boys. Scary uncle syndrome. Baby Corey was the younger brother whose life as a victim made him stronger than he thought. Baby Jessica Parker aced acting classes but failed the fashion academy. I don't know if Baby Downey Jr.'s character was supposed to be gay. If they intimated it I missed it. Boy acted like he was trolling for dick. 06-Apr-2024
There's Something In The Barn (2023)
The director didn't add scope to cramped spaces. The set-up was an opportunity to marry into the Gremlins family but the creatives were inspired to make schlock. It was nice to have a boy do something in a movie besides being written out. The thing in the barn is not a CGI wonder or a Chucky miracle. It was old and dusty, like the script. I hope they hired some little people, at least. The film confuses weird with scary. The action sequences were frozen, the comedy was foggy and horror didn't show up. 01-Apr-2024
Anatomy Of A Fall (2023)
Shots were placed strategically, playing P.I.M.P. on rotation filled the house with dread and the dog tore up his scenes. The lead played it one-sided which gave away the outcome. There was no Bette Davis conniver in her spirit. The film never strays from repeating the same story from different angles. It becomes exhausting to sit through. It needed to give the audience a break from the same subject. The clues fell so easily on the writer's lap that no surprises were forthcoming. They coerced the kid to pick a side but the director didn't. 22-Mar-2024
Faithfully Yours (2022)
You tell the truth to be heard and you tell lies to get out of jams that being honest beget. The end road is making lies happen. Two wives use a girls vacation to fuck other people. Something bad happens and the rest is a mystery that confines the leads and surprises as much as it doesn't. It satiates like a Lifetime movie with cigarettes. 13-Mar-2024
Wonka (2023)
The movie is far from great but TC molds it into his own Barbie. He charms us with all of his almost complete skills. The Oompa Loompa was splendid. Olivia Colman let her boobs out and was funny. The support were astute. The whole thing was fun because Chalamet is a magician that makes us believe that his strive for excellence overcomes story limitations. 09-Mar-2024
Poor Things (2023)
Oh. Emma ruined the word squishy for me. 08-Mar-2024
The whore of Frankenstein. The direction was stylish and the visuals were artistic but the script needed punching. The backstory was more interesting than the Frankenstein repeat. I wanted less of that. None of the actors clicked in the setting and Ruffalo's mumbly accent was troubling. TG he got naked. Emma Stone played the recovering retard like anyone would. She was okay but she didn't ignite the fire that would make men want to imprison her. Ramy's wedding pants were awful. I couldn't identify with a woman who is allowed a smooth awakening because she is trapped in a make believe world. She didn't know the value of a dollar, a meal, a man, rent, a closet, bordello gangbangs and logic. Stepping out on the town in lingerie would have been disastrous and mind altering in the real world. She is not a hero. She is like every other woman trapped in a setting that a man built. 08-Mar-2024
Ricky Stanicky (2024)
It doesn't get worst than this. There were only two funny bits, the drowning dog and the girl's hair. 08-Mar-2024
Five Nights At Freddys (2023)
It was difficult to establish how the animatronics were killing people. They never showed it. It was directed for wimps who are scared of horror movies. The reason for living animatronics is an overused one. They couldn't be aliens? How the fuck did that animatronic get in the car? They do not bend easily. How many times did we have to relive Josh's memories? We got it the first time. 07-Mar-2024
Code 8 Pt. 2 (2024)
A movie should fulfill its promises. It promised that somebody was going to die if they did something. They did and nothing happened. False climax. It would have added a human touch to a technical movie. I didn't understand how the powers worked. There were instances when they could have used them to get out of situations but didn't. Scenes end after every cliffhanger and we lose out on the action. No slicing and dicing. Little girl had the lamest power. I can turn off electrical devices too, so can Alexa and I don't have to touch her. The sequel did everything it did before and didn't grow. The robot dogs were impervious to electricity, but died because of it. Stepping on water when you're electric doesn't sound like a good idea. They shifted the board but kept the game the same. 03-Mar-2024