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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Bad Chemistry'

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Tenet (2020) Arf

Aaron Taylor-Johnson knew how to lead, Chadwick Boseman had no presence, Robert Pattinson had no rhythm and Christopher Nolan discovered the reverse button. The film was correct about one thing. If you fall asleep halfway through, you heal faster. 03-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Conspiracy Theory, Director Experiment, Disappointment, Drama, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Over the Top, SciFi, Silly, Star Watt, Suspense, Vague

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03-May-2021


Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999) Whimper

I went retro and revisited some films that weren't to my liking. If it weren't for Lucas magic this film would be one of the worst. The child. Poor thing. No training, no soul. I would have skipped to the Superboy years one second after the awesome pod race. Liam Neeson didn't seem taken by the force. The words meant nothing to him. It was a job. MacGregor's head moved stiffly and he looked like he cracked up before and after many line readings. Jar Jar Binks was created by party people with no exceeding limits. I watched him drunk and still found him annoying. Natalie Portman must have looked blankly at countless fake CGI things because she applied it to humans as well. The voice she inflected was cockamamie and infectious. Yoda isn't as cute as The Child. At all. Blathering old idiot. Robes don't flow in saber fights and future love relations are not impactful if one babysat the other. The director worked beyond the force. The fans publicly cheered while quietly sighing. Darth Maul was a pocket. It makes a good game but not a good film. 02-Feb-2021

Tags: 1990s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Experiment, Director Insanity, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Sort of, Grating, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Over the Top, Sap, SciFi, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Tedium, Timid, Weird

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02-Feb-2021


Fantasy Island (2020) Bites

Michael Pena is not a suave sexy latin charmer. I thought he was going to play Tattoo, running around in a baby cart yelling "the plane, the plane." Maggie Q exuded the elegance of a legend but had no chemistry with her token black family. Lucy Hale, sporting a disconcerting schnauzer cut, was too much. It was a total disrespect of a shitty show that entertained. 12-Jan-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Conspiracy Theory, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, False Action, Fatigue, Grating, Manipulation, Predictable, Preposterous, Scare Obvious, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Tacky

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12-Jan-2021


We Can Be Heroes (2020) Bites

It's a kid's film. There are kids in it. It looks like candy. It's stupid. You mean brilliant stupid? No I mean silly stupid. 29-Dec-2020

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Art Devoid, Baby Wrecks, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Coincidence Laden, Comedy, Conspiracy Theory, Corn, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, Grating, Over the Top, Political Satire, Preposterous, Revenge, Sad Effects, SciFi, Shrill Act, Silly, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Writ w/Possibilities

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29-Dec-2020


Rebecca (2020) Whimper

Lilly James never grows into the character of Mrs. De Winter, married to a beautiful giant with the power of entitlement and a haunted past. She's a bumbler who goes head to head with a stern HOH named Mrs. Danvers whose the only person in charge. Kristin Scott Thomas sinks her teeth into a classic character that was a delightful fright but whose persona has been abbreviated to a devoted staff member. The best manipulations are designated to other characters which kills Mrs. Danvers psychosis and grants Thomas no fun. The story has been fidgeted, the lush is unimpressive, the style is non-existent, James is not the woman for the job and Hammer is a pretty package with no clue as to how to play a rich gorgeous dick. I would have preferred to see Rebecca's story play out. Mrs. Danvers could have pined for her mistress while Rebecca crushed men's spirits. Missed opportunity for some classic lesbian fun and threesomes with the Hammer. 23-Oct-2020

Tags: 2020s, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Fatigue, Hot Swatch, Mystery, Predictable, Repetitive, Romance, Silly, Stink Wigs, Timid, TV-like

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23-Oct-2020


Beyond White Space (2018) Whimper

The inclination to watch was always interrupted by its gaming inspired poster. It looked like something you would play not watch. Obviously, it's description and my boredom tuned us in.

After decimating earth the next boost for humanity is to fuck up space. Away we go with pirates, thieves, anarchists, loveless, lawless and hopeless. Fun fact: I did not know space had crabs and no gays. The monsters are CGI identified on a two sided coin. The dialogue is full of those chemicals we don't want on our meat, the actors eating corn would have had the same effect and the director/editor stumbled by premeditating everything about to occur. The action sequences are as inspired as a preview before a game that never starts. 28-Aug-2020

Tags: Accidental Watch, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Comic Book, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Drama, Fatigue, Hot Swatch, Predictable, Preposterous, Sap, SciFi, Tacky, Timid, Vague

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28-Aug-2020


Terminator: Dark Fate (2019) Whimper

Runny episode in the Terminator franchise. There is no verve in watching women do what they never do in real life. ("If I see another Karen dropkick another neighbor, I'll lose my shit.") It has all the ingredients of the best ones with none of its simmer, smarts or pot of humor. Young Arnold impressed but his Terminator mythology was destroyed. The cute brother should have played the Terminator. Sarah Connor is a show off. It talks, it fights, it conquers...story continued on Jane The Virgin. 21-Aug-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Drama, Ear Prick, False Action, Indecipherable, Macho Posing, Manipulation, Over the Top, Political, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Sap, SciFi, Shrill Act, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, Writer Humiliation

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21-Aug-2020


Old Guard, The (2020) Whimper

PC vampires arrive in woke world. They no longer bite but still have the ability to suck.

Charlize Theron squelches her sexuality to deliver macho posturing and adds no strength to female action fabulosity. A woman who obscures her sexuality is depriving the act of confidence and beauty. She was so serious and miserable.

The gays were cute for the moments they accessorized but the corn deep throated them.

The superpowers are not enviable and is a filmic excuse to watch people bleed out.

The "big bads" couldn't scare a bird away.

The story is refried beans with lesser ingredients and the action came straight out the can. 14-Jul-2020

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Comic Book, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Manipulation, Over the Top, Preachy, Predictable, Retread, Silly, Tedium, Timid, Unenthusiastic

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14-Jul-2020


Birds of Prey (2020) Bites

Robbie is missing the lilt and the energy that would whip Harley Quinn into a showpiece. The women in charge plaster the screen with cartoon abandon, avoid psychoanalyzing themselves and express no vulnerability that would compel a unique perspective. The film lacks a heart. It's like a man directed it. 13-Jun-2020

Tags: 2020s, Action Stomper, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Cold, Comic Book, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Disappointment, Drama, Ear Prick, Fantasy, Fatigue, Macho Posing, Mean Spirited, Musical Bombast, Oncer, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Revenge, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Tacky, Timid, Too Long, Weird

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14-Jun-2020


Cats (2019) BitesEarly Exit

Of course, I was going to hate it. Wrecked performances, grave CGI, clipped penises and roach choreography. I couldn't finish it. 09-May-2020

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, Camp, Creepy, Director Insanity, Ear Prick, Early Exit, Eye Gouge, Fantasy, Fatigue, Horror, Indecipherable, Music Murders, Musical Bombast, Over the Top, Preposterous, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Vague, Weird

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09-May-2020


Harriet (2019) Whimper

I dreaded watching what appeared to be a Harriet Rambo adaptation that would diminish the heroism of a woman determined by life to save others. It does not succeed in bringing either woman to life. Cynthia Erivo has built too many walls to ease comfortably into suffering. The accent wasn't pure because her modern thinking interrupted it. Ms. Erivo forgot that heroes are badass after the fact. The direction is confused, insecure and skittish. You can't do nods to legends (Spielberg, Color Purple) without proper understanding of their work. The music was lovely, but it was constant and better suited for a video game. The performers weren't feeling it, it's not even a good TV film and it should have been a musical. 25-Apr-2020

Tags: 2010s, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Macho Posing, Music Swings, Preachy, Revenge, Sap, Tedium, Timid

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25-Apr-2020


Stay (2005) Whimper

A vague bad trip made sillier by insignificant EFX. Even though his American accent was flawless, McGregor was clamping down so hard on his own that he lost his squishiness. Ryan Gosling hadn't found his squish yet... he was a serious actor. His blank stares were very blank. They gave little credence to Naomi Watts' character except to provide her great face at the end. 08-Mar-2020

Tags: 2000s, Accidental Watch, Bad Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Hot Swatch, Indecipherable, Mystery, Silly, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid Effects, Unenthusiastic, Vague, Weird

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08-Mar-2020


Saturn 5 (1980) Bites

It literally reads, even in space, the Goldigger gets what she wants. The age difference is astronomical which sends charisma out the window. It probably would have played better with a spouse of equal experience. Farrah hadn't received her acting wings yet but she comes to life when she's experiencing pain (screaming, crying and panicking.) The robot is unfinished and ridiculous, the sets are TV comparable and the idea is no longer beneficial. 24-Jan-2020

Tags: 1980s, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Preposterous, SciFi, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Writer Humiliation

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24-Jan-2020


Meet Wally Sparks (1997) Whimper

Illogical silliness for a ferocious one liner. The supporting personalities are TV staples flexing their muscles to bozo comedy. Poor things. 19-Jan-2020

Tags: 1990s, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Cold, Comedy, Corn, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Hot Swatch, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Preposterous, Sap, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Weird, Wit Crack

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19-Jan-2020


Bumblebee (2018) Whimper

We watch for the shiny new tech (even if it appears unfinished.) 09-Jan-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Comic Book, Corn, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, SciFi, Shrill Act, Silly, Stink Wigs, Timid, Writer Humiliation

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09-Jan-2020




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