A film that didn't take advantage of all its possibilities. Though songs that didn't suck were beautifully sung the characters were flat like paper. An elimination of half the songs would have opened space to delve into Snow White and the Queen's relationship. I would have changed fairest and explored kingdom popularity. Gadot's character is doomed the moment the narrator emphasized how evil she was. She was misdirected and stifled when her natural accent would have added mystery to her persona. It also would have freed Gadot. The evil was basic and child's play. My favorite scene from the classic animation was the run through the forest. The 3D effect was mind tripping. A live recreation would have added much needed magic. If you're going to CGI the dwarves why make them ugly? They missed out on likeness and adorability. I would have nixed the "merry men" and concentrated on the ladies, dwarves and huntsman. She could've fallen in love with the huntsman instead of a merry man. Zegler comes alive when she sings but is immobile in expression. She's so intent on conveying a message instead of embodying a legend that she lends her character nothing. The climax disappoints because it doesn't really have one. It goes out with a whimper. I came up with at least 5 grand finales, including having the huntsman kill the Queen with an acquired weapon that is magical because she is invulnerable to everything else. The hope for greatness ballooned and imploded and they didn't know how to put the pieces back together. 29-Jun-2025

I had to re-check to make sure this tale took place in the 80's because the nod was subtle. The hair looked as shitty as it currently stands, a classic soundtrack was wasted, the kills were so matter of fact that I didn't care, the players were off-kilter and unsustainable, Carrie was the only film that properly explained how a shut out can become a Prom Queen, it's called mapping, the Prom King didn't even decorate, Lilli Taylor is harsh for our time and harsher for theirs. The ambiguity is obnoxious and not true to it's date. The relationships needed stronger emotional situations to stick. Did the besties experiment sexually and one crushed while the other's heterosexuality blossomed? Who knows? Just dress her up as a man and let the kids figure it out. We don't do stories. Dude, you can't have a dance-off with one girl twirling and the other fainting. It was hilariously ridiculous. Why are most high school students categorized on film? I was in the middle. I rarely encountered these people. I've seen a lot of this before, done correctly. 24-May-2025

No voice actor accomplished the spirit of the characters they were portraying and no artist brought forth the actors' sensibilities. Timon and Pumba didn't coagulate and were kind of icky. Being younger does not excuse Mufasa's studious voice. What college did he go to? There was no boom in his voice at all. Rafiki's accent was diluted which killed his character's strength and suppressed his charisma. Where was Scar's gay accent? The songs retracted more than they bounced, the animation creeped more than it amazed, and the story was blasphemous and weak. All this fuss over a lioness when Scar's real crush should have been Mufasa. The brother song was so inept that it made me furious every time they said brother. The bottom of the barrel. 11-Apr-2025

It's more of an exercise than it is an accomplishment. I stayed tuned because the man who cracks dicks with his ass is charming as fuck. None of the support matches him. The symbiotes' history did not have enough humanity to make me care. The action sequences depended heavily on coincidence. The chemistry between Mrs. Chen and Mr. Hardy was wasted. The threat was so surreal that it became mute. I stayed to memorize Hardy's butt but he didn't turn around much. 01-Mar-2025

Hartnett's choice of psycho was goofy and almost unbearable to watch. The close-ups where he talks directly into the camera were off-putting and silly. The nepo concert felt endless and obvious. The father/daughter dynamic was thin and cardboard. They didn't show how Josh got from one place to another, he was just there. All the answers landed so simply that it trashed the clues. The twist was great as a spoken word but without presentation it's null. The home life doesn't enter until the end when we no longer give a fuck. Maybe it should have started there and include the daughter in the plot. She realizes he's psycho and has to kill him. But how?! 27-Oct-2024

The film suffers from The Green Lantern and Quantum effect. If the creators wanted to take us to other worlds, the trip needed to be worth it. Skrulls with no power are obsolete. I think they took the green screen too literally. Most of the actors looked like they were talking to the back-heads of stand-ins or more green screens. The ladies became 3 instruments that didn't play well together. Distance was put between them. The glowey thing that Capt. Marvel displays when she's on, reminds one of the Quantum sky. Another action killer was giving the women the same power effect. So we don't distinguish or because it was easier? The big bad could only have gotten better had they cast that crazy lady from the Power Rangers. I thought Dar-Benn was blind for the first few minutes of the film. If she looked down, would her head-piece have fallen off? All the ladies came as they are because hair and makeup were in a rush to return to social media. They looked unkempt and shook. They would never dare look this ratched on the red carpet where fans aren't paying them to create movie magic. Somber heroes zigzagging to nowhere for nobody. I never thought of Monica Rambeau as interesting, I liked Kamala on the smaller screen but... and we all know what Carol Danvers is. The reason I liked female heroines was because they were a break from extremism and added a softer solution to the action and they were beautiful. If women keep denying themselves in order to become men, hugs will be cancelled. They can do anything? Be a girl. Good hair, make-up and dress will fulfill the rest. See: Barbie. Imagine if she was ugly and without sex appeal. No mucho $. Musicland was an in-law family situation humiliation activity. Nobody swags like they care so why bother? Was Frasier the only white man allowed in the building or was he CGId? 07-Feb-2024

The pace had no time to set-up character appreciation, it had a billion particles to settle. The family dynamic was food, drink, celebration and insanity. George Lopez added comedy schtick to his act. He looked like a character booted from Bedrock because he was too loud and ornery. The breast queen should be playing Lady MacBeth not becoming a free TV actor. I can see her washing blood from her hands and implementing Elvira's cleavage cut. The rest of the family and the leads apply stereotypes without explaining them. There is no such thing as a stereotype because it's only a description of our heritage. Universal speak. Nobody passed the classic TV Q test and the silliness hardly stopped. The best of the mythology turned into a fiesta. The family went everywhere together. Really? When did they masturbate? Why did the family get superpowers? Beetle's nemesis was a bigger and badder version of himself. Couldn't we have gotten something a little different? If the production wanted to fill the female quota, why didn't they concoct some awesome female villains? He has lots and no villain is scarier than a latin woman scorned. She'll slash your tires. 27-Nov-2023

A very soft policeman. Harry Styles keeps it monotone and unenthusiastic. He pants oddly during blowjobs and he can't kiss for shit. His "s's" and "t's" were so crisp that I thought his accent was fake. I wanted to shake him. I came in the first few minutes and never got a hardon again. I felt like leaving so many times but felt obligated to stay. We prefer to talk about our olden times instead of setting a better path with a real story from today. We can be honest about the past without it burning us in the present. The laws have changed but we have not. It's 50s Britain, where cops live in Tarduses, aging twinks can become cops, twink cops get picked up by perverts and an innocent girl trashes her entire life so her husband and their bff can enjoy gay sex. Emotions run cold. Everything is so quiet and unassuming that you sometimes believe one of the lovers might be serial. P.S.: gays are only miserable at the end of their lives, all else is just fun. 05-Nov-2022

Non-movie illustration of why "Oscar So White" is still so prevalent. Candyman is stripped of sensual ferocity, opinion and reason. His myth is re-written and implied by puppetry because the talent wasn't inspired to showcase it. The scares couldn't unhinge a cockroach. The deaths are remote with closeup shots of thick red Kool-aid. The violence is hesitant because most black people are petrified of supernatural violence. It scratches the ghetto but refuses to live in it because black people don't want to return there. Whites have gentrified the ghetto and blacks are mad as hell because they weren't given enough time to make their home livable. "Welfare knocked on my door before I had a chance to straighten up." "Bitch, you know white people can't watch good land go to waste." Blacks with dedication and drive enjoy the gentrified lifestyle while critiquing their hosts and avoiding the nasty parts of their neighborhood. This is all supposed to tie in with a confusing Candyman revenge backstory. The candy was uninspired. It should have looked scrumptious and colorful. It looked like granny's recycled Christmas candy. Only fat kids pick that shit up. It wasn't woke enough to have Colman Domingo fuck Candyman. The film required more gays so Candyman could kill the two. Too bad. In what world are there more cops in the neighborhood than community? 31-Jan-2022

Wife screams rape by hubby's bestie and rival. A trial and a duel decide their fate. The respect Ridley Scott expresses to the Middle Ages is not supported by Damon, Driver or Affleck. Ben is slimmed into a Prince Joffrey outfit with vocoder voice. Driver is a ready-made Rasputin with no magical powers. Damon lost his confidence and earnestness. The men don't belong. They are wise asses of modernity and circumstance. My X-ray vision caught smirks and college campus antics. Jodie Comer had the unfortunate task of reciprocating to two male lead green screens. Why show love for another when you can keep it to yourself. Ridly Scott has a fascination with effete kings. He should make a film all about them. 21-Jan-2022

At no point do we believe we are anywhere but in a M Knight nightmare. Occurrences collide so speedily that we don't have time to absorb them. M Knight believes that getting old is life's worst irony but he doesn't explore why. His fear limited him. Women return to screaming, black men are fast-food, disheveled beauty hurts, Bernal's legs are perfect and children fuck. I didn't understand it and didn't want to. It's a free blowjob in a foreign country with too many rules to find release. 14-Dec-2021

"James Corden" type entertainer teaches genius diversity how to rock out. Sex, drugs and rock n roll. 23-Oct-2021

It might have been fun had everyone appeared as enervated as Vince Vaughn. 05-Sep-2021

City whites decide to move out of the city after their son's expensive shoes get scratched in the city. They are afforded an estate at a very low price that belonged to an ex prison crusader on a warpath with whomever moves in. Sharon Stone is onboard to bore us doing motherly stuff as an affordable VP. Daddy Quaid's anger doesn't generate enough sparks to make us care. Christopher Plummer was unrecognizable. Juliette Lewis made it ashore to tingle the plot and remind us Cape Fear did it better. Stephen Dorff was delicious smack as a bad boy affected by parental sexual freedom that you will eventually spit out and nothing more. Teen Kristen Stewart was at her best, hanging loose, upfront and appearing to hate only half the planet. The ending is as cruel as the wait. 16-May-2021

Aaron Taylor-Johnson knew how to lead, Chadwick Boseman had no presence, Robert Pattinson had no rhythm and Christopher Nolan discovered the reverse button. The film was correct about one thing. If you fall asleep halfway through, you heal faster. 03-May-2021