Movies Posts Tagged as 'Tacky'
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Evil Dead Rise (2023) 

Dickless entry in the Evil Dead series. I fell asleep midway through but saw enough of it not to regret it. 16-Jul-2023
Shazam! Fury Of The Gods (2023)

A Saturday morning kiddie show that plays after the popular ones have aired and kids watch whilst having lunch. It can't shake off the silliness so it embraced it. Bad mistake. It only works if it's funny. Some of the writers asked their children what they would like to see and the parents yucked it up. Elegant ladies of maturity shouldn't have to wear clunky armor especially if they're witches. The villains are not much of a threat. They just need more "home" visits from the family. Why did they pile on so much ick hair and clothing on Hinsou's god? Zachary Levi. His solution when discomfited is to make a face or a nine year's old gesture. His younger alter ego is a teenager on his way to becoming a man. They work as separate units but not as a whole. They copy nothing from each other. Billy's best friend's storyline had the emotional heft that Shazam's didn't. It doesn't even take us on a fantastical journey. It was a scenic bus ride to Walmart. 07-Jun-2023
Another Man's Poison (1951)

Bette's 50s era was full of Lady Davis folklore and drag queen reboots. Lady Davis was forced to compete with herself. A worn out hunk has beef with her husband because he foiled a heist and he's being blamed. Bette is at the height of shifty. She parlays her caricature tics to mixed effects. She is over until somebody fucks with her animal. The feelings reeled a barracuda out of her. The camera decided that Bette's gift was mechanical and that the new way was better. They highlighted her flaws and disheveled her tidiness. The disclosures felt possibly true, Bette's messy art was always entertaining but it's a crappy movie. 10-Apr-2023
Float (2022)

The best thing about the experiment is the music video at post end. Not for the music but the courage the singer had by being the only thing in the water worth watching. Youths have nothing identifiable to say. They're screaming because their friends keep getting mysteriously killed but have time to gleefully reminisce about partying while continuously drinking. There is no finality or viable explanation. The man holding the camera just drops it at the end. 19-Feb-2023
Jeepers Creepers Reborn (2022)

An abortion would have served it right. Black men are not fanatical about visiting voodoo stores and doing horror cosplay. It brings bad mojo. He would have shat his pants. Is anyone aware that the Creeper is a sexual deviant that kills teenage girls and devours soft boys? He wouldn't give two shits about a girl, especially an old one. A pervert with a penchant for boys made him, the Creeper should be treated as such. 03-Feb-2023
Troll (2022)

The movie induces flashbacks to disaster classics that made it tolerable to withstand the subject. The new generation make assorted pieces part of the puzzle. They fit anywhere or not at all. There is an ugly giant troll on the loose and the tree huggers want to coddle it, while the powers that be want to annihilate it. Dude, the bear you're saving is going to rip your head off, they don't give a shit about us, be thoughtful. It does a very big "bad" wrong. They turn his dick into a tail. He drinks too much, ergo, the bulbous nose. He has a preference for innocence, destruction and confusion. Instead of beams pulverizing rocks we get fairytale mumbo jumbo. "Troll" commands you adhere like Captain Sandy and exit like Captain Sandy as soon as the idiot humans show up. 04-Dec-2022
X (2022)

The idea of renting a house from senior landlords living on the property, in the 70s, to shoot a secret porn film plays ludicrously. It opens stinking of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and ends up vomit. This is an auteur's movie. The porn they were creating was supposed to be art. It was another porn stinker. 2 hours of three girls and a cock. The film would've played better as background for orgies. Seniors were represented as Tales From The Crypt old. Ick. Fear of getting old and losing control of sex and the joys that come with it. It stopped smelling like Chainsaw as soon as it tasted like Jaws and went down like Friday the 13th Part Three in 3D. 25-Nov-2022
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

Scripting black people to complain about cops and confederate flags is not thoughtful. Killing all the black actors anyway, is not giving a shit. Making me confused about female sexuality is a useless gay time thing. Leatherface is nothing without family dependability. He was the icing on the family cake. A family that celebrated meat, farming and death. Icing without cake is a blob. 22-Feb-2022
Candyman (2021)

Non-movie illustration of why "Oscar So White" is still so prevalent. Candyman is stripped of sensual ferocity, opinion and reason. His myth is re-written and implied by puppetry because the talent wasn't inspired to showcase it. The scares couldn't unhinge a cockroach. The deaths are remote with closeup shots of thick red Kool-aid. The violence is hesitant because most black people are petrified of supernatural violence. It scratches the ghetto but refuses to live in it because black people don't want to return there. Whites have gentrified the ghetto and blacks are mad as hell because they weren't given enough time to make their home livable. "Welfare knocked on my door before I had a chance to straighten up." "Bitch, you know white people can't watch good land go to waste." Blacks with dedication and drive enjoy the gentrified lifestyle while critiquing their hosts and avoiding the nasty parts of their neighborhood. This is all supposed to tie in with a confusing Candyman revenge backstory. The candy was uninspired. It should have looked scrumptious and colorful. It looked like granny's recycled Christmas candy. Only fat kids pick that shit up. It wasn't woke enough to have Colman Domingo fuck Candyman. The film required more gays so Candyman could kill the two. Too bad. In what world are there more cops in the neighborhood than community? 31-Jan-2022
Pinocchio (2019)

Someone thought that realizing one of the most horrifying fairy tales to live film was a whimsical idea. The director wastes little time on magic and spends most of it on ugliness. He realized all the threats in a boy's life and all the insanity of the myth. A boy that really isn't a boy is considered a genderless fuck opportunity. Pedos prefer gender non-specific children because it's the baby smell they're after. Pinocchio is the perfect victim. Unique, beautiful, stupid, excited, rebellious and cooperative. The puppet gets enslaved, murdered, robbed, betrayed, hated, abused and exploited. Pinocchio cannot become a boy because his ADD doesn't allow him to sit still long enough to accept love and he's kind of an asshole. I'd be an asshole too if I were created to give hugs and tickles to ugly men. Oops, I was! The director rushes through plot points and changes nothing to make the ordeal acceptable. Why does wood eat? Why doesn't he rust or flake? What is the fairy's deal? His growing nose is a hard-on, not a lie. Jiminy Cricket sucked. It's a horror movie. Becoming a boy only grants him a hole. The world around him still sucks. 29-Dec-2021
Outrage, The (1964)

Latino violates fancy woman in front of her uppity husband. Fancy woman lets her guard down and enjoys it. Male toxicity ensues. Several accounts of the rape and murder are presented. Paul Newman was a distraction as a blue-eyed Mexican bandit, with a hulk wig, "grande" dick, grease paint and an "I hate gringos" accent. Most of the actors didn't conquer southern speech. Capt. Kirk played a priest that spoke words as if Shakespeare had written them specifically for him. All the versions add up to a hilarious finale that shouldn't have been. 12-Oct-2021
What Bitch? (2020)

8 minutes with latina amazons, driving in a car, where daughter aspyhxiates the family by providing no a/c or open windows. Daughter instigates a fight with a customer when they stop at a convenience store and sister's baby gets slapped. Girl fight with a concentration on boob damage. 02-Jul-2021
Child's Play 2 (1990)

This is primo Chucky and Andy. It's ridiculous but hilarious. The parents are knobs being foster parents to a teenage lesbian with survival skills and a traumatic Andy who's mother has been institutionalized for believing in human dolls. Chucky is alive, more expressive and an artistic cunt. The toy factory was it. 24-Jun-2021
Ten Little Indians (1965)

10 influencers are united in a snow piled chateau. The invite comes from a madman that wants to cancel them. The mystery's psychological reasoning is based on a demented individual's power grab to replace God and punish the unrighteous. But, they're so pretty and knowledgeable. Fabian smears his loveliness on the lens but is too uptight to relax and be cool. Daliah Lavi's exaggerated mane turned her into a cold stereotypical Hollywood starlet. Hugh O'Brian looked even better with his shirt off. Marianne Hoppe seemed hopped on something as the scared German maid. Was she supposed to be ridiculous? Gay old codgers know everything. It's a cheap attempt to intrigue us with outdated characters from a board game. 10-Jun-2021
Mope (2019)

Black and asian youngsters form an unlikely bond during a bukkake video performance. Black man can't climax until the soft whispers of an asian stranger help him out. Voila. Friends forever that will reach the heights of success by becoming the Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker of porn. Mope Tucker and Mope Chan are not impressive beings, they both have little dicks, are victims of whiteness (they don't know how to act black or asian) and they slurp while eating vagina. They can, however, take a swift kick to the balls, eat shit, drink piss and wipe it from the floor. A mope. Tucker wants to expand the brand and put them on display. "The first men on the cover of a porn box." Nathan Stewart expends every last nerve as a man clinging to the last piece of matter that keeps him grounded to an environment that isn't homeless. These parasites keep him sane and fucking. The boys with grand dreams become Steve Driver and Tom Dong. The friendship suffers from favoritism, jealousy and betrayal. Gangbanging the girlfriend tore a nerve, racist remarks cracked a spot, and the cameos hit their marks. It's cheapness adds to its' value. It smells like porn, your feet stick to the floor and the prettiest thing in the room is the popcorn machine. It's a true cis story that would translate well as a gay "great American novel." The guy incinerated from Bridgerton could play the smelly gay guy. 05-Jun-2021