Movies Posts Tagged as 'Tedium'
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Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999)
I went retro and revisited some films that weren't to my liking. If it weren't for Lucas magic this film would be one of the worst. The child. Poor thing. No training, no soul. I would have skipped to the Superboy years one second after the awesome pod race. Liam Neeson didn't seem taken by the force. The words meant nothing to him. It was a job. MacGregor's head moved stiffly and he looked like he cracked up before and after many line readings. Jar Jar Binks was created by party people with no exceeding limits. I watched him drunk and still found him annoying. Natalie Portman must have looked blankly at countless fake CGI things because she applied it to humans as well. The voice she inflected was cockamamie and infectious. Yoda isn't as cute as The Child. At all. Blathering old idiot. Robes don't flow in saber fights and future love relations are not impactful if one babysat the other. The director worked beyond the force. The fans publicly cheered while quietly sighing. Darth Maul was a pocket. It makes a good game but not a good film. 02-Feb-2021
Last Ferry (2019)
I didn't wait, I swam back. As soon as I heard gay clones spouting the word "thirsty," I was out. 03-Sep-2020
Fullmetal Alchemist (2018)
A boy and his brother surrender parts of themselves while trying to resurrect their mother through alchemy. A journey ensues to find a philosopher's stone that will return their bodies and relax their souls. The animated series was a dark tragedy with kiddie undertones, celebrating science and magic shows, stupendous mutants with biblical powers, military strategies and coos, cliffhangers and curves while pulling the heartstrings. The introduction is action best, the characters and the costumes click the memory banks but its empathy blubber is unforgivable. 26-Aug-2020
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
Runny episode in the Terminator franchise. There is no verve in watching women do what they never do in real life. ("If I see another Karen dropkick another neighbor, I'll lose my shit.") It has all the ingredients of the best ones with none of its simmer, smarts or pot of humor. Young Arnold impressed but his Terminator mythology was destroyed. The cute brother should have played the Terminator. Sarah Connor is a show off. It talks, it fights, it conquers...story continued on Jane The Virgin. 21-Aug-2020
Take Her, She's Mine (1963)
A child belongs to a parent for a little bit.
Daddy awakens to his daughter's "dishiness." Daughter has developed into virgin teen spirit bait. Sandra Dee tranquilizes, applying liberation, sexual frustration and obligation. She's the future princess men built castles for.
Daddy goes commando when she moves to college. Stating in a letter about feeling the fanny flutters and wanting to lose her virginity, daddy flies to her on demand, insinuates her roomies are "wetbedders" because they work late, upholds his politics, acquaints with international sex workers, runs naked and suffers from morality checks. He ignores his job, his wife and that other child. He was never a pervert...because he was Jimmy "fuckin'" Stewart.
Mr. Stewart opens his mind to new thinking and growing with the politics of sexual freedom, free speech and protest. When the camera and his technique meet, they click.
College is where politics are worn and sex explodes. The environment consisted of an army of wolves scratching and starving to eat some Red Riding Hood.
Audrey Meadows. She was so underutilized that I imagined her doing naughty things like fucking his best friend or renting other daughter out.
The music and esp. the songs, delighted with universal sounds. It borrowed from other cultures and uniquely respected them. I knew the songs and sang along because I was taught them at school. It helped me learn about a culture that I had yet to meet. It soothes the greeting.
Stewart dons the big guns for final agitation but silly chaos dilutes him. Can he stop a man from putting his daughter's flame out or return to the wife and that other sparkly one? Only another man can answer that. 30-Jul-2020
Old Guard, The (2020)
PC vampires arrive in woke world. They no longer bite but still have the ability to suck.
Charlize Theron squelches her sexuality to deliver macho posturing and adds no strength to female action fabulosity. A woman who obscures her sexuality is depriving the act of confidence and beauty. She was so serious and miserable.
The gays were cute for the moments they accessorized but the corn deep throated them.
The superpowers are not enviable and is a filmic excuse to watch people bleed out.
The "big bads" couldn't scare a bird away.
The story is refried beans with lesser ingredients and the action came straight out the can. 14-Jul-2020
Goldfinch, The (2019)
Boy suffers the loss of his mom, who dies in an explosion, but gains a piece of priceless art. Sarah Paulson has a moment as a bimbo and Nic adds an elegant presence to an adoptive mom but the characters have no foundation for any actor to stem from. The boy, in particular, acts as the scene needs, not as his character would. Ansel achieves a spark because he's trying to understand it as much as we are. It's a hard sell because the mystery doesn't amount to a life altering choice, it just is. A sweet sentiment with absolutely no sugar. 26-May-2020
Sunday Bloody Sunday (1971)
Stagnant study, of a woman and a man sharing a relationship with a twinkster. The rules are the same no matter the generation or the politic. The bird marches on the streets of beauty, protesting the disparity of life while ignoring the feelings of those around him. His fluidity grants him power to cross pollinate and be voraciously welcomed by those of privilege whose lack in life is progressive. To the woman he brings sexual fulfillment and purpose, to the man, a sense of accomplishment and pride. Youth ping pongs between them like the parents he needs right now, not the lovers he'll end up with, later. Birds must fly as parents must contend with surviving on memories. Children and family are an aside that contain the most life. The children annoy as much as delight, smoking drugs, having fits, asking complicated questions, noticing sexual things and killing dogs. 06-May-2020
We The Animals (2018)
Neglectful, abusive parenting and the unruly children it creates. Papi squishes to no avail and mama ponders daddy dick so mightily that she relegates the boys to tools of diversion. The boys are cold specimens meandering the world fantasizing in it or fucking with it because they have no life skills. In the end, we are supposed to celebrate a sexual awakening that smells of molestation. I'm not good with that. 26-Apr-2020
I dreaded watching what appeared to be a Harriet Rambo adaptation that would diminish the heroism of a woman determined by life to save others. It does not succeed in bringing either woman to life. Cynthia Erivo has built too many walls to ease comfortably into suffering. The accent wasn't pure because her modern thinking interrupted it. Ms. Erivo forgot that heroes are badass after the fact. The direction is confused, insecure and skittish. You can't do nods to legends (Spielberg, Color Purple) without proper understanding of their work. The music was lovely, but it was constant and better suited for a video game. The performers weren't feeling it, it's not even a good TV film and it should have been a musical. 25-Apr-2020
Jumanji: The Next Level (2019)
It looks like the same level to me. There is a wisp of outrageous hilarity that ensues when we first hear Dwayne and Kevin attempt new accents, but it vanishes as soon as you sober up. There is only so much failure you can laugh at. I sat down in my boxers to get actioned up and ended up with shredded panties. There was so much sap that the pancakes runneth over. 15-Apr-2020
I don't do well with first-person because its film rolling on inanimate objects (people included) that are restricted. A fantastic one connects what we see with what we imagine. A disappointing one makes a straight beeline across a rudimentary device. The creep in question is just an exasperating real estate agent with constant jabber and little realization. The one behind the camera could have offset the other's nonsense with the snappy quips his screams intimated. The axe received the most character development. The "s" word comes to mind but I refuse to use it. 01-Apr-2020
Grave Of The Vampire (1972)
Silliness about a resurrected vamp raping a mod chick that dies delivering his baby. The baby ages into a superhero hunk with little gift of gab and limited supernatural powers. The fair lady hired to scream, couldn't. Fast forward to the fight scene which has Thor mashing a tired Michael Morbius with no effects and generating loads of laughs. 24-Mar-2020
A vague bad trip made sillier by insignificant EFX. Even though his American accent was flawless, McGregor was clamping down so hard on his own that he lost his squishiness. Ryan Gosling hadn't found his squish yet... he was a serious actor. His blank stares were very blank. They gave little credence to Naomi Watts' character except to provide her great face at the end. 08-Mar-2020
Knives Out (2019)
Whodunnits don't need explanation. A fresh appeal for a chess match. Everything with Plummer spun magnificently but Craig jacked Spacey's southern flourish with little success. The support were ready but remained pawns in a game. They didn't flesh out. The unraveling was dry and predictable but the mystery qualified. 08-Mar-2020