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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Corn'

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Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) Bites

Patty Jenkins went on a shopping spree with the film's budget. Did she leave most of it home? It opens with baby Diana discovering clever ways to somersault at the White Female Olympics. She's unbearable, I mean unbeatable even as a child. Cue applause and adoration. There should have been a lot of irony in a woman raised to best everyone, even in goodness. Years of not belonging in the world would have brought her detachment from it. She wouldn't fall apart over Steve Trevor and she definitely wouldn't pine for him for over a 100 years. Compassion is a side effect of a movement. Coldness is a statistic of war. Everything you hate about the movies is in this one. The older maidens are given minimal time. (They didn't study their accents, again.) Cheetah might have been intriguing as a black character with white superiority issues. Yes, make it a race thing. Pedro Pascal left his guts on the floor while Ms. Jenkins took a nap. Steve's explanation for existing in the future was best established on the 70s TV series. Future Steve could have been the great grandson of dead Steve. Incestuous hook-ups and emotional consequences. It would have been a great place to establish personal turmoil. Gadot needed to wear some of the tear in Wonder Woman's battle history to find her strength because it ain't crying.

Patty Jenkins killed Wonder Woman. 14-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Brutal, Camp, Comic Book, Corn, Dialogue Lament, Director Experiment, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Inactivity, Over the Top, Political, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Romance, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Timid, Trashy, TV-like, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Writer Humiliation

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14-May-2021


Youngblood Hawke (1964) Arf

Mr. Hawke drives a coal truck by day and writes the great American novel at night. Mother is wracked because that is not the job that's going to get them out of podunk. They're just pretty words. Wrong, witch. NY publishers called to propose a writing career for your son. Away he goes from Kentucky to New York to deal with business cutthroats, empowered Amazons with tender hands to create or deflate and a key to sin city. The men created partnerships but the women were the deal. He's hanging out with the haves. All the women stand demurely in line to take their turn with him. He's a golden pretty boy who didn't sound much like a writer and definitely didn't honk like a truck. James Franciscus held no extra thoughts. A blank page of "pretty as fuck." The ladies ease through the suds, confiding thoughtful sensibilities in spite of corny poetic writing. He's in love with his boss' wife and maybe his editor. He puts one on ice while he sparks fires with the other. Genevieve Page ate dairy/meat to make her hair resplendent. The accent, the manners, the fashion, the IDGAF attitude and her sweet little gay boy allowed me to pleasantly follow her. Unfortunately, the affair repeats itself so much that I'm surprised the writers didn't add "again" to every single "I'm leaving you." Suzanne Pleshette was so adorably female. Hawke's mother's storyline seemed incomplete as did the boy's. Hawke becomes a celebrity victim and gets cancelled for no apparent reason. 25-Apr-2021

Tags: 1960s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Corn, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director Experiment, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Political, Relationships, Sentimental, Twisty, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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25-Apr-2021


War With Grandpa, The (2020) Arf

Spoiled kid starts a war with grandpa when hardship hits the elder and he has to move in with daughter and family. Mom and dad evict boy from his room so grandpa can die in it. The mistake is starting a war at all. Grandpa is too cute for mistreatment. Had the hijinks been pranks instead of combat they would have elicited warm feelings. The adults were jelling and the kids were posting but most of the pranks were classic TV lame. 13-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Baby Wrecks, Comedy, Corn, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Preposterous, Relationships, Silly, Star Watt, Wit Crack, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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13-Mar-2021


We Can Be Heroes (2020) Bites

It's a kid's film. There are kids in it. It looks like candy. It's stupid. You mean brilliant stupid? No I mean silly stupid. 29-Dec-2020

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Art Devoid, Baby Wrecks, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Coincidence Laden, Comedy, Conspiracy Theory, Corn, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, Grating, Over the Top, Political Satire, Preposterous, Revenge, Sad Effects, SciFi, Shrill Act, Silly, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Writ w/Possibilities

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29-Dec-2020


Christmas Project, The (2016) Whimper

The adventures of future supremacists as they waft through their own battlefield of family traditions and alpha bullying. The parents are ditzoids driving their children to partake of a Christmas tradition called Elving. You leave presents on the doorsteps of needy/hopeless families everyday until Christmas. The town bullies are on the roster this year. The tween female interest cements hardons and impels macho competitions. She looks 20 while the boys look 8. Reality rarely sneaks in and there is no character to get attached to. I pictured future supremacist twink getting married in prison to his alpha bully supreme as he forever pays black fit homeless grand daddies with raspy voices for some sugar. The kindly school bus driver was black. 25-Dec-2020

Tags: 2010s, Brutal, Camp, Comedy, Corn, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Holiday, Mean Spirited, Tacky, Twinkie, Weird

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25-Dec-2020


A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish (2019)  Arf

Cindy fends an exploitative Jenner stepmom and abominable Kardashian sisters. The music is cute, the twink prince can break daddy dick and crush virgin vagina and its existence is Christmas cheer. Adorable! 24-Nov-2020

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Corn, Crapfun, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Pretty, Relationships, Sentimental, Wit Crack, Writ w/Possibilities

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24-Nov-2020


Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017) Bites

Surprise. Eliminating Hank Azaria as Gargamel does not make a Smurf franchise better. Besides being objectified, gangbanged and being a procreator, Smurfette is confused about her purpose. She goes on an unenviable adventure to find herself amid little care from the audience. The best stories do not have big bang adventures. They stay close to home so we can empathize with them. Girl Smurf explores and becomes at Lesbian Forest but returns to Smurf Village for the bangs. Sounds about right. 09-Nov-2020

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Action Stomper, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Corn, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Fantasy, Fatigue, Manipulation, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Preposterous, Tacky, Vague, Weird

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09-Nov-2020


Crawl (2019) Woof

Alexandre Aja is not a wordmeister. His muscles pop when monster creation plows in, the action roars and we jump. (The flashbacks killed the element of surprise.) 03-Jul-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Corn, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fresh, Kool Effects, Over the Top, Scary, Suspense, Writ w/Possibilities

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03-Jul-2020


Assimilate (2019) Bites

Misunderstanding the mythology of the "pod people" and mishandling how to apply it to this generation. They twinkled it, legitimized it, repeated it and fudged it.

Ideas:

Social Media is our pod and we are its people.

It arrives from a dead planet. An alien-camouflaging organism that can only do so, temporarily with the environment. It needs a human to survive. I know, I know... make Mexicans immune! You want to scare us, don't you? 20-Jun-2020

Tags: 2010s, Bad Acting, Camp, Conspiracy Theory, Corn, Director Slouch, Drama, Ear Prick, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Grating, Horror, Mystery, Over the Top, Predictable, Remake, SciFi, Silly, Timid

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20-Jun-2020


Midnight Movie: The Killer Cut (2008) Whimper

In order for a viewer to digest mumbo jumbo we need to be privy to the rules. The film concocts it and we decide if it is within the realm of possibility so we can view the art piece with tolerance. No rules were established and the filmmaker refused to reserve a coherent explanation. It was remastered to look sharper but not sound brighter. 03-Feb-2020

Tags: 2000s, 2020s, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Camp, Corn, Director Slouch, Fatigue, Indecipherable, Musical Bombast, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Scare Obvious, Shrill Act, Silly, Tacky, Timid, Vague, Weird

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03-Feb-2020


Meet Wally Sparks (1997) Whimper

Illogical silliness for a ferocious one liner. The supporting personalities are TV staples flexing their muscles to bozo comedy. Poor things. 19-Jan-2020

Tags: 1990s, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Cold, Comedy, Corn, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Hot Swatch, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Preposterous, Sap, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Weird, Wit Crack

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19-Jan-2020


Bumblebee (2018) Whimper

We watch for the shiny new tech (even if it appears unfinished.) 09-Jan-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Comic Book, Corn, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, SciFi, Shrill Act, Silly, Stink Wigs, Timid, Writer Humiliation

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09-Jan-2020


X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019) Whimper

McAvoy added a comedian's twirl at the tip of his Xavier accent and Lawrence appears like she's having facials with strangers. Little effort is evident by a cast of talented people. It saps and cheers for itself and it talks too much.

If the film had impressed the combustion that Fassbender and Chastain were percolating, the makers would had made a winner. 24-Nov-2019

Tags: 2010s, Action, Bad Acting, Brutal, By the Numbers, Comic Book, Corn, Daddy Squish, Decent FX, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Hot Swatch, Musical Bombast, Over the Top, Predictable, Sap, SciFi, Silly, Star Watt, Tedium

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24-Nov-2019


How To Be A Latin Lover (2017) Woof

From hunk to chunk. Cliche comedy ease with a different culture. Derbez acquits comedy bravery, Hayek paints with passionate strokes, Taylor and Lavin jolt old ladies upright, Bell resuscitates with sunshine hypocrisy, Lowe institutes and Welch exalts. It's corny and safe, celebrating the importance of family while making us laugh. 11-Nov-2019

Tags: 2010s, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Corn, Crapfun, Cultural, Cute, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Political Satire, Predictable, Sentimental, Star Watt, Sweet, Tacky, Tough, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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11-Nov-2019


Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010) Arf

It delineates the first Santa, full of godlike vengeance and destruction. The film parodies like a summer blockbuster with striking imagery and a cheerleading score. It chugs along, never delivering the titular monster and rabidly tugging at our hearts. 05-Nov-2019

Tags: 2010s, Action, Camp, Comedy, Comic Book, Corn, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Fantasy, Foreign, Funny, Sort of, Horror, Oncer, Over the Top, Political Satire, Pretty, Sap, Silly, Timid, Weird

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05-Nov-2019




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