Movies Posts Tagged as 'Predictable'
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Wasteland, The (2021)
I can't identify with a child that wakes his parents up so daddy can walk him to the latrine which is terrifyingly one block away. To piss. Why didn't he just piss in any corner of the house except where mama hangs laundry? It debates whether parents should compromise a boy's sensitivity by forcing him to become a man if the times deem it necessary. It's a future where woke people are forced to eat animals named Fluffy to survive. Suicidal grandpa daddy grants himself an early reprieve by getting a conscious in between bouts of "I don't give a shit! and "I want to die!" Daddy did not deserve a vacation. Mother madness is spooky with minimal slaps and torture towards children. She did good with killing animals, though. I didn't understand it. "The monster is made of trees, branches and bad lighting, maybe. You imagined the whole thing. You're just like us. Nuts." The child riled us up but the director couldn't give us a reason for any of it. 08-Jan-2022
Don't Look Up (2021)
A comet is heading towards earth, we're all going to die and the writer thought this premise would be hilarious. It isn't. Scientists get embroiled in proving their findings, alerting the public and getting mixed signals from the government. Leo chomps through it like there's a better film in his head. Jennifer's headpiece was of the superhero ilk but her character was plain Jane. Jonah was ready to grand theft the whole shebang but the words were no prize. The President is too glamorized and fussy. You know who would have made a good President? Meryl Streep. The real one, stripped of vanity and silliness. A straight shooter. I did not know it was Cate Blanchett until she let her hair down. Good for her. There are "Network" references, "Melancholia" acknowledgements and Animal Channel clips. The one joke makes it claustrophobic. Character emotions belong in an asylum. Asides are treated as such and have little relevance to the whole. The threat of death is hilarious? Yes, for the suicidal. 24-Dec-2021
Queen Bees (2021)
A "These Old Broads" rip. Parents only know how to parent children. Grandma cannot prove that she is self-sufficient. Family and an accident coerce her into a senior home where conversion therapy for the dying (bffs) and medical staff await. It's a high school for broken bones. The writers applied one word descriptions to their legends. They are characterized as "extreme" (Burstyn), "cranky bitch" (Curtain), "sex kitten" (Ann-Margret), and "why the fuck are you here?" (Devine.) These women have accumulated enough historical fanfare to study and for writers to create great characters. Adding something personal would have reminded us why these ladies are great but instead they minimized them. Ellen Burstyn is a powerhouse, Jane Curtain is a Jane, bitch, Ann-Margret is a tiger and Tina Turner is a legacy. Oh. That wasn't Tina Turner? But she's Ann's friend. Oh. 21-Dec-2021
The film describes a violent female as a failed mother/wife/child whose rage needs to be re-directed towards a profit. A killer that knows when to stop is a champion. They don't fight to save the world but themselves. Halle's fighter is homeless, negative and miserable. She keeps her feelings Eastwood. The boy's tongue was cut because he was either a lousy actor or the audience doesn't need to hear a black boy speak. Hispanics inherit black male stereotypes. Lesbian and mama were ready to sparkle but were given little illumination. It piles cliches without original thinking. I kept hoping she was a secretary with a hot lesbian boss. At least she would have been cute. 28-Nov-2021
Scoob wasted little time visiting memory lane. Shaggy almost lost me when he ate the meat that Scooby dragged across the city's streets. Shaggy's voice doesn't crack enough. Scooby's diction has cleared up and he's become an Avenger. The visits from neighboring toons are a nice touch but are not properly integrated into the Scooby mythology. It's origins taught kids how to unmask the monsters in their lives and fight back. The movie missed that point. They sure were cute, though. 28-Nov-2021
Black Widow (2021)
Frivolous conversations, uninventive action, uninspiring support and bad Russian speak make for a non-movie event. 14-Oct-2021
Our Miss Brooks (1956)
Miss Brooks is a respected English teacher who's moved to a new town for a progressive opportunity. Competitiveness at work is minimal as she plays well with boys, stimulates her students and knocks sense into obstinate parents. She has a desperate need to settle down which is not characteristic of a woman that's acquired equality. She's good at everything. She has the cutest landlady, a rich daddy, a working daddy, a great job, the esteem of the community and she's smart. The film has sitcom sensibilities and a pleasant Desilu alumni. Gale Gordon was a pratfall master that endured a lot of physical punishment to make us laugh. I laughed. Eve Arden was a master wit. She told it like it was and lived it. She was an act of freedom. 05-Sep-2021
Saint Maud (2019)
An analogy of a woman that must reach the lower depths of hell/sex in order to achieve sainthood is only a thought. The film presents predictably with scares overwhelming thoughts. Writing creates a psychotic brain made of incomplete truths. The savior is full of god cum and icky vibes. She's a frustrated cis, wet by girl action. The saved is full of lesbian venom and privileged wit. 02-Aug-2021
Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)
Kong vs. Kardashians. 10-Jul-2021
Child's Play 3 (1991)
Chucky is revived by the manufacturer and a teenage Andy is forced into military school. Chucky takes on the army and wins. A teenaged Andy is too anemic to provide much suspense so the doll turns to black. Chucky is the it and the show. Nothing else matters. Higher blood count and lower common sense. 25-Jun-2021
Clovehitch Killer, The (2018)
It's based on a historical serial killer but it's not. Boy's disinterest in crime history is tested when he stumbles upon evidence that may incriminate a loved one. A teen investigation ensues. Obvious clues don't allow the mystery to spring forward. The family does not generate enough emotion to evoke compassion. There is no new imagination. Are we supposed to act like we don't know who the killer is? It's directed that way. Charlie Plummer pulled away at the proximity of Dylan McDermott. That would have been useful for some guttural acting but no one thought of it. Dylan mocks his character and has no idea how to preach about God. We're cheering for a family that sucks and a film that associates cross dressing with psychos. 19-Jun-2021
Cold Creek Manor (2003)
City whites decide to move out of the city after their son's expensive shoes get scratched in the city. They are afforded an estate at a very low price that belonged to an ex prison crusader on a warpath with whomever moves in. Sharon Stone is onboard to bore us doing motherly stuff as an affordable VP. Daddy Quaid's anger doesn't generate enough sparks to make us care. Christopher Plummer was unrecognizable. Juliette Lewis made it ashore to tingle the plot and remind us Cape Fear did it better. Stephen Dorff was delicious smack as a bad boy affected by parental sexual freedom that you will eventually spit out and nothing more. Teen Kristen Stewart was at her best, hanging loose, upfront and appearing to hate only half the planet. The ending is as cruel as the wait. 16-May-2021
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Patty Jenkins went on a shopping spree with the film's budget. Did she leave most of it home? It opens with baby Diana discovering clever ways to somersault at the White Female Olympics. She's unbearable, I mean unbeatable even as a child. Cue applause and adoration. There should have been a lot of irony in a woman raised to best everyone, even in goodness. Years of not belonging in the world would have brought her detachment from it. She wouldn't fall apart over Steve Trevor and she definitely wouldn't pine for him for over a 100 years. Compassion is a side effect of a movement. Coldness is a statistic of war. Everything you hate about the movies is in this one. The older maidens are given minimal time. (They didn't study their accents, again.) Cheetah might have been intriguing as a black character with white superiority issues. Yes, make it a race thing. Pedro Pascal left his guts on the floor while Ms. Jenkins took a nap. Steve's explanation for existing in the future was best established on the 70s TV series. Future Steve could have been the great grandson of dead Steve. Incestuous hook-ups and emotional consequences. It would have been a great place to establish personal turmoil. Gadot needed to wear some of the tear in Wonder Woman's battle history to find her strength because it ain't crying.
Patty Jenkins killed Wonder Woman. 14-May-2021
Mitchells vs The Machines, The (2021)
Teen lesbian leaving for school, has her life upended when Siri takes over the world and her dorky family is in charge of saving it. The adventures rely on coincidence, loud family squabbles, pet abuse, girl empowerment, gay robots and swirly pops to the brain. The voices don't humanize or endear themselves to us. Does Michael Rianda really think that he sounds like a cute little boy? It ends like every new animation whose heart beats like a girl. Go, girls! Do whatever the fuck you want! 06-May-2021
A beautifully crafted animation about unlocking traditional magic. Two brothers accidentally cast a spell that resurrects half of dad. No head or heart just crotch, ass, legs and feet. He profiles like a predator. He taps their shoes to announce to his victims they've been found.
My version: boy triggers a spell that brings complete daddy back. Hey, daddy's cool. Blah blah blah. If they want to keep him they have 24 hours to venture out and make it happen. They bond. They have beautiful memories and grand adventures without having to endure memorizing daddy's crotch and ass for 24 hours. Takeoff! Did cartoon daddy walk off the set in a huff? The filmmakers could not realize a finale for us. It was all hearsay. 08-Apr-2021