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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Predictable'

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Godzilla vs. Kong (2021) Arf

Kong vs. Kardashians. 10-Jul-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, By the Numbers, Dialogue Lament, Oncer, Over the Top, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt

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10-Jul-2021


Child's Play 3 (1991) Arf

Chucky is revived by the manufacturer and a teenage Andy is forced into military school. Chucky takes on the army and wins. A teenaged Andy is too anemic to provide much suspense so the doll turns to black. Chucky is the it and the show. Nothing else matters. Higher blood count and lower common sense. 25-Jun-2021

Tags: 1990s, Action, Action Fun, Camp, Chemistry, Drama, Funny, Good Voice Act, Predictable, Preposterous, Timid, Wit Crack

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25-Jun-2021


Clovehitch Killer, The (2018) Arf

It's based on a historical serial killer but it's not. Boy's disinterest in crime history is tested when he stumbles upon evidence that may incriminate a loved one. A teen investigation ensues. Obvious clues don't allow the mystery to spring forward. The family does not generate enough emotion to evoke compassion. There is no new imagination. Are we supposed to act like we don't know who the killer is? It's only directed that way? Charlie Plummer pulled away at the proximity of Dylan McDermott.That would have been useful for some guttural acting but no one thought of it. Dylan mocks his character and has no idea how to preach about God. We're cheering for a family that sucks and a film that associates cross dressing with psychos. 19-Jun-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, By the Numbers, Conspiracy Theory, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Horror, Mystery, Oncer, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt, Writ w/Possibilities

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19-Jun-2021


Cold Creek Manor (2003) Arf

City whites decide to move out of the city after their son's expensive shoes get scratched in the city. They are afforded an estate at a very low price that belonged to an ex prison crusader on a warpath with whomever moves in. Sharon Stone is onboard to bore us doing motherly stuff as an affordable VP. Daddy Quaid's anger doesn't generate enough sparks to make us care. Christopher Plummer was unrecognizable. Juliette Lewis made it ashore to tingle the plot and remind us Cape Fear did it better. Stephen Dorff was delicious smack as a bad boy affected by parental sexual freedom that you will eventually spit out and nothing more. Teen Kristen Stewart was at her best, hanging loose, upfront and appearing to hate only half the planet. The ending is as cruel as the wait. 16-May-2021

Tags: 2000s, Accidental Watch, Bad Chemistry, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Hot Swatch, Mean Spirited, Mystery, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Silly, Star Watt, Suspense, Thriller, Timid, Vague, Weird, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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16-May-2021


Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) Bites

Patty Jenkins went on a shopping spree with the film's budget. Did she leave most of it home? It opens with baby Diana discovering clever ways to somersault at the White Female Olympics. She's unbearable, I mean unbeatable even as a child. Cue applause and adoration. There should have been a lot of irony in a woman raised to best everyone, even in goodness. Years of not belonging in the world would have brought her detachment from it. She wouldn't fall apart over Steve Trevor and she definitely wouldn't pine for him for over a 100 years. Compassion is a side effect of a movement. Coldness is a statistic of war. Everything you hate about the movies is in this one. The older maidens are given minimal time. (They didn't study their accents, again.) Cheetah might have been intriguing as a black character with white superiority issues. Yes, make it a race thing. Pedro Pascal left his guts on the floor while Ms. Jenkins took a nap. Steve's explanation for existing in the future was best established on the 70s TV series. Future Steve could have been the great grandson of dead Steve. Incestuous hook-ups and emotional consequences. It would have been a great place to establish personal turmoil. Gadot needed to wear some of the tear in Wonder Woman's battle history to find her strength because it ain't crying.

Patty Jenkins killed Wonder Woman. 14-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Brutal, Camp, Comic Book, Corn, Dialogue Lament, Director Experiment, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Inactivity, Over the Top, Political, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Romance, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Timid, Trashy, TV-like, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Writer Humiliation

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14-May-2021


Mitchells vs The Machines, The (2021) Whimper

Teen lesbian leaving for school, has her life upended when Siri takes over the world and her dorky family is in charge of saving it. The adventures rely on coincidence, loud family squabbles, pet abuse, girl empowerment, gay robots and swirly pops to the brain. The voices don't humanize or endear themselves to us. Does Michael Rianda really think that he sounds like a cute little boy? It ends like every new animation whose heart beats like a girl. Go, girls! Do whatever the fuck you want! 06-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Action Stomper, Cold, Comedy, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, SciFi, Shrill Act, Timid, Too Long, Unfunny, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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06-May-2021


Onward (2020) Arf

A beautifully crafted animation about unlocking traditional magic. Two brothers accidentally cast a spell that resurrects half of dad. No head or heart just crotch, ass, legs and feet. He profiles like a predator. He taps their shoes to announce to his victims they've been found.

My version: boy triggers a spell that brings complete daddy back. Hey, daddy's cool. Blah blah blah. If they want to keep him they have 24 hours to venture out and make it happen. They bond. They have beautiful memories and grand adventures without having to endure memorizing daddy's crotch and ass for 24 hours. Takeoff! Did cartoon daddy walk off the set in a huff? The filmmakers could not realize a finale for us. It was all hearsay. 08-Apr-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Camp, Cold, Comedy, Crapfun, Cultish, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Mystery, Predictable, Preposterous, Sentimental, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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08-Apr-2021


Blood Moon (2021) Arf

This is an almost horror classic because it built good character relationships but sidestepped showing us the horror. Most scares evolved from the predicament of the main characters which added some suspense but the director was afraid to delve into action. Too bad. We all missed out. 29-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Cultural, Drama, Heart Writ, Horror, Predictable, Relationships, Scary, Timid, Timid Effects, Words Spoke

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29-Mar-2021


Deadly Illusions (2021) Whimper

Kristin Davis helms an asinine parent who hires a vibrant and stainless nanny to temporarily raise her children whilst she finishes her novel. With the children occupied, mama is able to walk the town freely, jump naked in the pool, smoke cigars, drink and get her labia lip smacked by a teenaged nanny. The sex isn't for exploration. It's cold and unimportant because the sex tease is an excuse to keep us interested and fooled. The nanny spends as much time with the kids as the parents. Where the fuck were those kids? Daddy exists to spill his juice and to pantomime what a real man looks like. It all culminates like "Fatal Attraction" trash with old daddy fighting for his life in a shower, wearing only a towel. Embarrassingly funny. 23-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Camp, Crapfun, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Gay Swatch, Lesbian, Mystery, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Revenge, Romance, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Weird, Wit Crack

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23-Mar-2021


Monster Hunter (2020) Whimper

Why are they monster hunters? Nobody wants to track these ugly fuckers down. They happen to be in the way of some people getting home. That's all. Self-defense has nothing to do with hunting. The military swag from all sexes was nauseating, the action was energetic but preposterous, all of the bad actors die first and we thank the gods but the monsters mainly consisted of a "Tremors" beast, a crablike spider and a dragon made of rocks. The cat was funny but was given minimal time. (What a delight to surprise Dr. Viviana with that one!) Non-descript monsters and humans battling an unrealistic warp world. It doesn't make Hi-C sense. 21-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Stomper, By the Numbers, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Horror, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Sentimental, Silly, Stupid Funny, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

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21-Mar-2021


New Mutants, The (2020) Bites

Caged mutants. It stifles their capabilities and our enjoyment. I want to see them conquer the world that is familiar to us. It takes cues from the Freddy Krueger series, ho humming along and invading the lab rats' nightmares. Big Bad is stale and the action needed some throwback. Misplaced hair is my pet peeve. There's loads of it. The lesbians elicited some heart, Sunspot singed some hard-ons and the rest needed something to believe. So did we. 03-Feb-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Comic Book, Crapfun, Director Hands Off Approach, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Inactivity, Oncer, Predictable, Preposterous, SciFi, Sentimental, Shrill Act, Silly, Slow, Stupid Funny, Weird, Wit Crack

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03-Feb-2021


Maleficent: Mistress Of Evil (2019) Arf

Jolie's Maleficent is a sublime creature that never got a good movie written about her. Her work remains unmatched. Jolie, learning etiquette, was funny and bright. The dinner choreography didn't make sense. Maleficent overreacted when the prospective in-laws hadn't hit her soft spot yet. Her denial of murder should have been the catalyst. Once the scene is set, it skits, stalls, enchants and sentimentalizes. It's better than the first one.

Also, don't call a witch evil unless she eats babies. 21-Jan-2021

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Fun, Beautiful, Camp, Chemistry, Crapfun, Director's Touch, Drama, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Kool Effects, Over the Top, Predictable, Relationships, Retread, Revenge, Star Watt, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

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21-Jan-2021


Fantasy Island (2020) Bites

Michael Pena is not a suave sexy latin charmer. I thought he was going to play Tattoo, running around in a baby cart yelling "the plane, the plane." Maggie Q exuded the elegance of a legend but had no chemistry with her token black family. Lucy Hale, sporting a disconcerting schnauzer cut, was too much. It was a total disrespect of a shitty show that entertained. 12-Jan-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Conspiracy Theory, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, False Action, Fatigue, Grating, Manipulation, Predictable, Preposterous, Scare Obvious, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Tacky

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12-Jan-2021


I Feel Pretty (2018) Whimper

They conk a woman on the head to get her to realize that if she acts confident she can become something. Mumbo Jumbo is not needed for that. There are plenty of people who rely on confidence to achieve their goals without being pretty. Who better to represent badass confidence than Amy Schumer. She breaks a soul cycle and claims hilarity and sweetheart rights but I paid for a bitch not a strawberry. Maybe next year she can be conked and black. 30-Dec-2020

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Fantasy, Funny, Sort of, Good Acting, Good Idea, Music Swings, Predictable, Relationships, Star Watt, Timid, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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30-Dec-2020


A California Christmas (2020) Arf

A woman can't do everything. Rich Californians gobble up real estate so they can turn the future into an unscientific reality. Hot country girl can't maintain the farm, has an ailing mother and a spunky sister. Hotter rich player schemes to get her to sell him her home at an astronomical price so they can build malls or something. He infiltrates the cowgirl's pants by pretending to be a Mexican ranch hand. Hotter is a beautiful mix of Superboy eggs and Zac DNA. Whomever was in charge of casting needs to be hired for our next gay friendly Christmas preach. I don't want to see people like myself on a screen that I pay for. We want the people that God granted the gift of beauty to. He wants us to be inspired by his art. So we shall. This film pays homage to that. The music makes you want to see it again, the actors hee and haw pleasantly and chemistry kills stupidity. Ass hugging crotch enhancing jeans, hot old daddy servants, wenches, witches, lesbians, Mexicans... Manny and Ali as lovers would have been adorable. It's a crappy gorgeous joy ride. As soon as Superboy ripped a child out of a female vagina, I was in. 17-Dec-2020

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Adorable, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Hot Swatch, Magnetism, Music Swings, Physical Humor, Predictable, Preposterous, Pretty, Relationships, Romance, Sentimental, Sexy, Silly, Squish Alert, Stupid Funny, Sweet, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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17-Dec-2020




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