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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Predictable'

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Mean Girls (2023) Arf

A rom-com is conversion therapy for those who don't believe in fairy tales. I saw a handheld camera at the beginning and almost blacked out but then something cute happened. It moved like Grease and had the aroma of a pink lady. It kept me in with mixed results. The music had word limitations and they repeated nonsensical lines that make only cartoon baby sharks squeak. Was no thesaurus available when the music was written? The mean girls were lame and avenged by dorky plans. The cast was bubbly. The lesson was that anybody can be a mean girl. You fix her by allowing her to steal someone else's hot dick to fuck and hope she never calls you again. 10-Jun-2024

Tags: 2020s, Camp, Chemistry, Crapfun, Drama, Fatigue, Hot Swatch, Musical, Over the Top, Predictable, Relationships, Star Watt, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

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10-Jun-2024


Wish (2023) Bites

I tried watching through the eyes of a child and it confused me. What do you mean that man has my wish. I made ten wishes yesterday and two came true. I don't even remember that one wish everybody's talking about. Fuck it. It's only one. The film has Ariana DeBose energy and a Barbie stance. DeBose is so excited to show us what she's got that she faux climaxes before she has to. Some of the songs actually sounded musical. Pine's Shatner was so good that it stunk. The last man with a working penis is stealing little girl dreams. (None of the dreams were to marry a man to save them?) The women and some of their friends band together to destroy him. Some of the friends consisted of weak or mentally disabled boys and feeble grandfathers with no reach. I presume we had to look towards the animals to find culture representation. No gays in sight. Sophia The First looked better than this and brought the magic. One of Disney's junkiest animations. 28-Apr-2024

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Animation, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Cheeky Acting, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Grating, Manipulation, Mean Spirited, Preachy, Predictable, Shrill Act, Silly, Trashy, Vague, Weird, Writer Humiliation

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28-Apr-2024


Anatomy Of A Fall (2023) Arf

Shots were placed strategically, playing P.I.M.P. on rotation filled the house with dread and the dog tore up his scenes. The lead played it one-sided which gave away the outcome. There was no Bette Davis conniver in her spirit. The film never strays from repeating the same story from different angles. It becomes exhausting to sit through. It needed to give the audience a break from the same subject. The clues fell so easily on the writer's lap that no surprises were forthcoming. They coerced the kid to pick a side but the director didn't. 22-Mar-2024

Tags: 2020s, Coincidence Laden, Creepy, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Director's Touch, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Music Swings, Predictable, Psychological, Relationships, Repetitive, Sentimental, Star Watt, Subtle, Timid, Too Long, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

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22-Mar-2024


Five Nights At Freddys (2023) Bites

It was difficult to establish how the animatronics were killing people. They never showed it. It was directed for wimps who are scared of horror movies. The reason for living animatronics is an overused one. They couldn't be aliens? How the fuck did that animatronic get in the car? They do not bend easily. How many times did we have to relive Josh's memories? We got it the first time. 07-Mar-2024

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Cliche, Depressing, Director Slouch, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Horror, Horror Mild, Oncer, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Tacky

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07-Mar-2024


Marvels, The (2023) Bites

The film suffers from The Green Lantern and Quantum effect. If the creators wanted to take us to other worlds, the trip needed to be worth it. Skrulls with no power are obsolete. I think they took the green screen too literally. Most of the actors looked like they were talking to the back-heads of stand-ins or more green screens. The ladies became 3 instruments that didn't play well together. Distance was put between them. The glowey thing that Capt. Marvel displays when she's on, reminds one of the Quantum sky. Another action killer was giving the women the same power effect. So we don't distinguish or because it was easier? The big bad could only have gotten better had they cast that crazy lady from the Power Rangers. I thought Dar-Benn was blind for the first few minutes of the film. If she looked down, would her head-piece have fallen off? All the ladies came as they are because hair and makeup were in a rush to return to social media. They looked unkempt and shook. They would never dare look this ratched on the red carpet where fans aren't paying them to create movie magic. Somber heroes zigzagging to nowhere for nobody. I never thought of Monica Rambeau as interesting, I liked Kamala on the smaller screen but... and we all know what Carol Danvers is. The reason I liked female heroines was because they were a break from extremism and added a softer solution to the action and they were beautiful. If women keep denying themselves in order to become men, hugs will be cancelled. They can do anything? Be a girl. Good hair, make-up and dress will fulfill the rest. See: Barbie. Imagine if she was ugly and without sex appeal. No mucho $. Musicland was an in-law family situation humiliation activity. Nobody swags like they care so why bother? Was Frasier the only white man allowed in the building or was he CGId? 07-Feb-2024

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Cold, Comic Book, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, Fantasy, Girlie Movie, Lesbian, Over the Top, Predictable, Repetitive, Sad Effects, Sap, Sequel, Shrill Act, Silly, Stink Wigs, Tacky, Timid, TV-like, Writer Humiliation

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07-Feb-2024


Blue Beetle (2023) Bites

The pace had no time to set-up character appreciation, it had a billion particles to settle. The family dynamic was food, drink, celebration and insanity. George Lopez added comedy schtick to his act. He looked like a character booted from Bedrock because he was too loud and ornery. The breast queen should be playing Lady MacBeth not becoming a free TV actor. I can see her washing blood from her hands and implementing Elvira's cleavage cut. The rest of the family and the leads apply stereotypes without explaining them. There is no such thing as a stereotype because it's only a description of our heritage. Universal speak. Nobody passed the classic TV Q test and the silliness hardly stopped. The best of the mythology turned into a fiesta. The family went everywhere together. Really? When did they masturbate? Why did the family get superpowers? Beetle's nemesis was a bigger and badder version of himself. Couldn't we have gotten something a little different? If the production wanted to fill the female quota, why didn't they concoct some awesome female villains? He has lots and no villain is scarier than a latin woman scorned. She'll slash your tires. 27-Nov-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Comedy, Cultural, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Revenge, Sap, Shrill Act, Timid, Trashy, TV-like, Vague, Weird

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27-Nov-2023


Fear In The Night (1972) Arf

Angelic training makes a wife susceptible to malice because they are mentally unstable. Legends of art accelerated the drama. The table turn was sweet and the film wasn't a horrible waste of time. 22-Jul-2023

Tags: 1970s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Cliche, Crapfun, Disappointment, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Horror, Horror Mild, Predictable, Preposterous, Psychological, Relationships, Scare Obvious, Silly, Suspense, Timid, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

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22-Jul-2023


Knock At The Cabin (2023) Whimper

The first shot aspired to greatness. People sharing the same belief targeted for survival. Dave Bautista jumped off the page and ended up a Lex Luthor on some greater planet. The director doomed art with mumbo jumbo and lucky coins. I mentally conducted scenes before they happened. The kid was cute but I totally wanted her to be a M3GN. They filleted a Harry Potter veteran before his time and Ben Aldrige's identity were his well crafted legs. I'm fuzzy on his face, though. Jonathan Groff chose Edith Bunker likability as his acting inspiration, he was a dowdy housewife with the spirit of a freedom fighter. The director separated reality from conflict and ruined the whole thing. 28-Jun-2023

Tags: 2020s, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Wit Crack, Wit Snit

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28-Jun-2023


3,000 Years Of Longing (2022) Whimper

It seems like a private joke to portray different languages without captioning them. The more times the movie lines or references are repeated the more we can understand and retain it. It's an educational tool. The descriptions fall mainly on Elba who portrays a physically commanding djinn with poetic romanticism with no woman to match him. Swinton's acting nuances become mismatched ticks. Queen of Shiba's story was the most interesting only because the actress portraying her provided model fabulosity. The leads remain within bottle safety throughout. The effects don't want to intrude on realism but that's what the story is about. I wanted to see Elba mixing spells, looking dashing or at least happy and having a magic ball while reciting Shakespeare with Lady Tilton. 23-May-2023

Tags: 2020s, Cliche, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Fantasy, Fatigue, Inactivity, Predictable, Relationships, Repetitive, Romance, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Wit Crack, Writ w/Possibilities

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23-May-2023


Big Daddy (1999) Arf

Asinine logistics applied to fatherdom for laughs and guffaws. Its savior is not logic but cuteness. You can cuddle with any of these people except the Russian character. 05-Apr-2023

Tags: 1990s, Accidental Watch, Art Devoid, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Fun, Funny, Good Acting, Predictable, Relationships, Stupid Funny, Trashy, Words Spoke

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05-Apr-2023


Hush (1998) Whimper

Jessica Lange tortures Gwyneth Paltrow because she can. Unfortunately, not enough to qualify for Mommie Dearest status. The editing is abrasive and the film has the confidence of a TV movie from the 80s. Schaech is a floral centerpiece and the ladies work it but the movie is melodramatic. 10-Mar-2023

Tags: 1990s, Camp, Chemistry, Crapfun, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Horror Mild, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Predictable, Relationships, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Timid, TV-like, Wit Crack, Writ w/Possibilities

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10-Mar-2023


Jeepers Creepers Reborn (2022) Bites

An abortion would have served it right. Black men are not fanatical about visiting voodoo stores and doing horror cosplay. It brings bad mojo. He would have shat his pants. Is anyone aware that the Creeper is a sexual deviant that kills teenage girls and devours soft boys? He wouldn't give two shits about a girl, especially an old one. A pervert with a penchant for boys made him, the Creeper should be illustrated as such. 03-Feb-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Cold, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, Drama, Music Murders, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Silly, Star Watt, Tacky, Timid, Timid Effects

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03-Feb-2023


Woman King, The (2022) Whimper

Not only were the true Agojie violent cutthroats they were also responsible for the massacre and enslavement of millions. According to historians the women were discarded third wives that husbands no longer found worthy of sharing a bed with. King Ghezo was one of the biggest slave traders of his time and trained the discarded women to massacre, sacrifice, enslave and sell men, women and children, no matter the tribe. The film fantasizes that the amazonian women formed their own empowerment group and conquered the white people that invaded them. White characters are sketched with no humanity which makes the action appear cruel instead of intoxicating. In the world of the living, the white people being fought were trying to abolish slavery and succeeded in killing the women instantaneously. Production was handed a bold cast to portray male versions of themselves. What a pity they couldn't find real women to emulate. 05-Jan-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Cultural, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Experiment, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Macho Posing, Manipulation, Over the Top, Political, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Retread, Revenge, Sap, Silly, Timid, Writer Weakness

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05-Jan-2023


Black Phone, The (2021) Arf

A bully is a victim before they become a predator. A predator is nothing but an angry child. The children were the core and mumbo jumbo was the calisthenics. The phone was a stretch but gifting someone with heavenly sight left no room for art. They beat the course but failed the test. The boy doesn't figure his way out. The cops are the stoopidest. Impossibility aids. Kids are tortured but ass clowns with dilemmas aren't. Why would a kid remember and know so many missing kids? The serial must grab a kid every two weeks. Why weren't the phone calls from slave boys of the past recounting how they got past their masters? Why didn't the film turn realistic and write all the hints on the walls and actualize via flashbacks? Hawke delivers a stand-in performance. We have no idea who was underneath all those masks. If it can't be thoughtful, exciting or coherent, be a survival guide for sexually abused children. 28-Dec-2022

Tags: 2020s, Creepy, Director Experiment, Drama, Fatigue, Horror, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Timid, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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28-Dec-2022


Invitation, The (2022) Bites

A visually appealing cast is wasted on a production team that doesn't know how to stimulate people. It says women are dysfunctional without family. It's forever emptiness like a missing appendage or lost luggage. Half black girls all want to be white. The best man game in town is offering women free stuff. The #1 reason women get into trouble is because they accept free stuff. I spent the first hour wondering if a starving artist would actually wear a nose ring to meet royal snoots. At the end, it didn't matter but it had me tuning in and out, wracking my brain until it got really stoopid and I stayed tuned 100%. 26-Dec-2022

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Director Hands Off Approach, Drama, Elegance, False Action, Fatigue, Horror, Over the Top, Predictable, Scare Obvious, Trashy, Writer Weakness

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26-Dec-2022




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