I tried watching through the eyes of a child and it confused me. What do you mean that man has my wish. I made ten wishes yesterday and two came true. I don't even remember that one wish everybody's talking about. Fuck it. It's only one. The film has Ariana DeBose energy and a Barbie stance. DeBose is so excited to show us what she's got that she faux climaxes before she has to. Some of the songs actually sounded musical. Pine's Shatner was so good that it stunk. The last man with a working penis is stealing little girl dreams. (None of the dreams were to marry a man to save them?) The women and some of their friends band together to destroy him. Some of the friends consisted of weak or mentally disabled boys and feeble grandfathers with no reach. I presume we had to look towards the animals to find culture representation. No gays in sight. Sophia The First looked better than this and brought the magic. One of Disney's junkiest animations. 28-Apr-2024

Women can do anything except fight wars, raise non-toxic boys or shut up. Barbie is a politic, a preacher and a bore. Man hate shuffles in so often that enjoyment is stifled. The cast is brilliant. Margo and Ryan were perfect iterations of iconic toys and the support kept up but the story just memes on the same subject, over and over. The film distinguishes the sexes without exploring true intentions or circumstances. The best way for feminists to free themselves from a man's grasp is to never marry and to abolish religions that place them in dire situations. 16-Dec-2023

The menu didn't serve enough choices and didn't take advantage of it's clientele. Face actor Fiennes was ready to do some really mean things but he ended up depraved and soulless. What makes foodies offensive is not their meal choices but their business dealings? Hong Chau creeped out and overcame ick material. Nicholas Hoult didn't get a chance to swing. Taylor-Joy gave good face but subtle depth. Was John Leguizamo the only latin pimp with taste buds they could think of? He doesn't belong. The horror element is copied from a better script's cliff notes. The actors did not do like Lucy and make us believe they were eating that shit. Hardly anybody ate. Didn't get it, didn't care because I eat to survive. 22-Jan-2023

The idea of renting a house from senior landlords living on the property, in the 70s, to shoot a secret porn film plays ludicrously. It opens stinking of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and ends up vomit. This is an auteur's movie. The porn they were creating was supposed to be art. It was another porn stinker. 2 hours of three girls and a cock. The film would've played better as background for orgies. Seniors were represented as Tales From The Crypt old. Ick. Fear of getting old and losing control of sex and the joys that come with it. It stopped smelling like Chainsaw as soon as it tasted like Jaws and went down like Friday the 13th Part Three in 3D. 25-Nov-2022

Ann-Margret plays a girl who advances in the fashion industry because of hard work and drop dead gorgeousness. Father and son heads offer her the opportunity to become a Paris buyer when the original gets married. Father and son dispute her capabilities but acknowledge that beauty can surpass it. Louis Jordan is the Paris client with sexual arrangements to the previous buyer. There is little proof that Margret's character impresses at her job because she spends most of her time in Paris, drinking, partying, flirting, dancing, singing and clobbering boys who want to go further than a kiss. The most beautiful boy in the world, Chad Everett, the hottest tongue in France, Louis Jordan and the schlub who accepts leftovers, Richard Crenna, are the men vying for Lady Margret's baby's breath. Ann's character is written with confused sensibilities. She riles the men up then 2x4s them later. She wants to live a fantasy without all that icky stuff, like sex. The ex-buyer getting married on short notice without telling her french lover/client gets no clarification. Edie Adams was unfortunately a short lived thing disrespected in the film's best storyline. Margret dolled up in fashion chic and hit the dance floor to Count Bassie and Mongo Santamaria like a sexual beast. Edits and choreography are a mess but Lady Margret's magnitude never lets up. The fashion is creative, the only laughs are violent, the idea that a girl becomes a woman if she gets married is primitive, when men exclaim that a girl is too young to fuck, they mean right now. 26-Apr-2022

The inestimable is the most hurtful. Brian Bonsall played Mikey, a throwaway child with trust, jealousy and psychotic issues. The actor had the smarts of an adult aware of its value. Everyone loves "new" adorable thing until it becomes codependent and angry. The conversations are the same as today, which freaked me out. "We're still talking about the same shit with the non-resolutions." Mikey is presented as an adoptive boy trying to adjust to a family that has suddenly enforced rules. They must die, the most inept investigators can't solve it and adorable little Mikey is psychoanalyzed for PTSD after secretly killing them. The psychiatrist frees him into the adoption system with an "all he needs is love" diagnosis and Mikey moves on to the next stupid family. Mikey has learned that electricity and water don't mix, you can hit real balls with bats, cops can't solve anything, mothers just stand there screaming while you're stabbing them to death and to remove the bullets from adult guns and disconnect their phones so they can't fight back. Empty guns waving in the dark. Elementary school sports training consisted of coaches deciding which boy would be a "skin" or a "shirt" for no apparent reason other than to be a pervert. Telling certain kids and not others to strip is insulting and absolutely gay. His favorite teacher becomes suspicious of the boy's monstrous tendencies when he adds marbles to her "marble game." A box is designated for the kids to drop marbles they earn for good deeds. The more marbles of goodness you inherit the quicker you can fill it so its doors burst open and you can receive a prize. She investigates his history but his adoption file is closed and the witnesses are minimal. There is no living thing that is safe when Mikey gets pissed. Will he spare no one? Kids dragging adult dead bodies, killing cats, feeding frogs to sharks, setting up the boyfriend and using a bow and arrow to kill are hilarious. Everything looks TV safe and appealing, the deaths are LOL and Bonsall keeps on giving. He is the conservative cunt that arises when successful families keep pushing the same subject without advancing. Mikey is the child liberated from bullshit. Baby boy is my new "Carrie."

PS: dudes, if she wants childrenx and you don't, show her this movie. Repeated viewing depends on her voracity for children and disdain for the film. Keep it downlow. We don't want to damage her. Keep it stealthily in the background and don't stop watching it. Make it a top ten of all time. Yeah, it's crap but its better than having a baby. 21-Feb-2022

Someone thought that realizing one of the most horrifying fairy tales to live film was a whimsical idea. The director wastes little time on magic and spends most of it on ugliness. He realized all the threats in a boy's life and all the insanity of the myth. A boy that really isn't a boy is considered a genderless fuck opportunity. Pedos prefer gender non-specific children because it's the baby smell they're after. Pinocchio is the perfect victim. Unique, beautiful, stupid, excited, rebellious and cooperative. The puppet gets enslaved, murdered, robbed, betrayed, hated, abused and exploited. Pinocchio cannot become a boy because his ADD doesn't allow him to sit still long enough to accept love and he's kind of an asshole. I'd be an asshole too if I were created to give hugs and tickles to ugly men. Oops, I was! The director rushes through plot points and changes nothing to make the ordeal acceptable. Why does wood eat? Why doesn't he rust or flake? What is the fairy's deal? His growing nose is a hard-on, not a lie. Jiminy Cricket sucked. It's a horror movie. Becoming a boy only grants him a hole. The world around him still sucks. 29-Dec-2021

Latino violates fancy woman in front of her uppity husband. Fancy woman lets her guard down and enjoys it. Male toxicity ensues. Several accounts of the rape and murder are presented. Paul Newman was a distraction as a blue-eyed Mexican bandit, with a hulk wig, "grande" dick, grease paint and an "I hate gringos" accent. Most of the actors didn't conquer southern speech. Capt. Kirk played a priest that spoke words as if Shakespeare had written them specifically for him. All the versions add up to a hilarious finale that shouldn't have been. 12-Oct-2021

8 minutes with latina amazons, driving in a car, where daughter aspyhxiates the family by providing no a/c or open windows. Daughter instigates a fight with a customer when they stop at a convenience store and sister's baby gets slapped. Girl fight with a concentration on boob damage. 02-Jul-2021

City whites decide to move out of the city after their son's expensive shoes get scratched in the city. They are afforded an estate at a very low price that belonged to an ex prison crusader on a warpath with whomever moves in. Sharon Stone is onboard to bore us doing motherly stuff as an affordable VP. Daddy Quaid's anger doesn't generate enough sparks to make us care. Christopher Plummer was unrecognizable. Juliette Lewis made it ashore to tingle the plot and remind us Cape Fear did it better. Stephen Dorff was delicious smack as a bad boy affected by parental sexual freedom that you will eventually spit out and nothing more. Teen Kristen Stewart was at her best, hanging loose, upfront and appearing to hate only half the planet. The ending is as cruel as the wait. 16-May-2021

Horny teen seeks parental independence by saddling with the girl of his dreams on a trip to Europe. Hot daddy wants to allow him the freedom but hot mama thinks he's too young to travel. The boy gets his way and hot daddy is hitching to Europe to photograph the boy's girlfriend and her young sexy mates. Hot mama, for some odd reason, takes a different course to the same place to keep an extra eye on the boy and her husband. She gets cajoled into thinking that a millionaire Pepe Le Pew's mansion is the European home she rented for the family. She also thinks the millionaire is the servant. Pepe plays along thinking she's a prostitute and that he and the butler are going to get lucky. Misunderstood mishaps follow, reconciliations are forthcoming and the millionaire's attitude changes tune. He gifts her a bikini and the house, she uses it as a weapon, his heart starts pounding and her husband can give two shits. They wrote Debbie dumb. It would have been a different concept had she been more cognizant and confident. She kept getting confused as a prostitute, got sexually attacked repeatedly in front of her husband and accidentally started working at the bordello her boy visits. Wackadoodle. 10-Mar-2021

A feminist excuse to avenge a man for wanting tighter lips. Great actress charm deduced to a stigma. If feminism was all about cutting daddy's dick why all the fuss to get their children married? More witnesses? What the fuck is the difference between a regular lesbian and a big one? More tongue? 02-Jan-2021

The adventures of future supremacists as they waft through their own battlefield of family traditions and alpha bullying. The parents are ditzoids driving their children to partake of a Christmas tradition called Elving. You leave presents on the doorsteps of needy/hopeless families everyday until Christmas. The town bullies are on the roster this year. The tween female interest cements hardons and impels macho competitions. She looks 20 while the boys look 8. Reality rarely sneaks in and there is no character to get attached to. I pictured future supremacist twink getting married in prison to his alpha bully supreme as he forever pays black fit homeless grand daddies with raspy voices for some sugar. The kindly school bus driver was black. 25-Dec-2020

Rabid family holiday. Foster's mind is a jumble. Flamboyantly directed, fussed over and disrespected. Robert Downey Jr.'s gay brother flitted about like a crazed woodpecker perching and flapping uncontrollably to our discomfort and limited endurance. Giving a cute girl the sniffles for the entirety of a film is not romantic or sexy. It's a family home visit without the drinks. Where's the fun in that? 05-Dec-2020

Surprise. Eliminating Hank Azaria as Gargamel does not make a Smurf franchise better. Besides being objectified, gangbanged and being a procreator, Smurfette is confused about her purpose. She goes on an unenviable adventure to find herself amid little care from the audience. The best stories do not have big bang adventures. They stay close to home so we can empathize with them. Girl Smurf explores and becomes at Lesbian Forest but returns to Smurf Village for the bangs. Sounds about right. 09-Nov-2020