Movies Posts Tagged as 'Wit Crack'
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Mr. Mom (1983)
Mother/housewife interjects freedom when her husband surprisingly loses his job. Whomever gets a job first will be the breadwinner. He's the mommy and she's the daddy. He doesn't whiz parenting but neither did she. The children don't matter much. "Keep them alive and survive another day" is the motto of the day. Michael Keaton and Terri Garr have star watt which zaps most of the blues away. Their wattage is enough to sell it. 22-Jan-2021
King Of Staten Island, The (2020)
Can you be the King of Staten Island if you hate it? Davidson has the balls and the bite but the creators cowered. They didn't want Staten Island to hate them so they fluffed up the drama. 21-Jan-2021
Maleficent: Mistress Of Evil (2019)
Jolie's Maleficent is a sublime creature that never got a good movie written about her. Her work remains unmatched. Jolie, learning etiquette was funny and bright. The dinner choreography didn't make sense. Maleficent overreacted when the prospective in-laws hadn't hit her soft spot yet. Her denial of murder should have been the catalyst. Once the scene is set, it skits, stalls, enchants and sentimentalizes. It's better than the first one.
Also, don't call a witch evil unless she eats babies. 21-Jan-2021
First Wives Club, The (1996)
A feminist excuse to avenge a man for wanting tighter lips. Great actress charm deduced to a stigma. If feminism was all about cutting daddy's dick why all the fuss to get their children married? More witnesses? What the fuck is the difference between a regular lesbian and a big one? More tongue? 02-Jan-2021
A California Christmas (2020)
A woman can't do everything. Rich Californians gobble up real estate so they can turn the future into an unscientific reality. Hot country girl can't maintain the farm, has an ailing mother and a spunky sister. Hotter rich player schemes to get her to sell him her home at an astronomical price so they can build malls or something. He infiltrates the cowgirl's pants by pretending to be a Mexican ranch hand. Hotter is a beautiful mix of Superboy eggs and Zac DNA. Whomever was in charge of casting needs to be hired for our next gay friendly Christmas preach. I don't want to see people like myself on a screen that I pay for. We want the people that God granted the gift of beauty to. He wants us to be inspired by his art. So we shall. This film pays homage to that. The music makes you want to see it again, the actors hee and haw pleasantly and chemistry kills stupidity. Ass hugging crotch enhancing jeans, hot old daddy servants, wenches, witches, lesbians, Mexicans... Manny and Ali as lovers would have been adorable. It's a crappy gorgeous joy ride. As soon as Superboy ripped a child out of a female vagina, I was in. 17-Dec-2020
Space Station 76 (2014)
I watched expecting to find any reason to turn it off. It didn't feel like comedy but the players were so adamant on cultivating their characters that it gets downplayed as a natural part of life. They live in space, sometimes alone and sometimes with family. Some have seen earth, others have not.
Highlights of the future:
We still have to roll it, light it and smoke it ourselves
The robots seem like leftovers from the NINTENDO R.O.B. collection
The future has picked the 60s as their futuristic style
The tech must have been collected from PeeWee's Playhouse
There is only one child in the colony and it plagues her with panic. Her mother wants to deny her joy. Her pets keep dying because mommy hamsters have a tendency to bite their babies' heads off. Is it because she feels they don't have the skills to survive? That's how mommy explained it. Liv Tyler is the newbie getting accustomed to living with strangers and doing her best not to let anyone down. Her boss (Patrick Wilson) is hyper, mentally unravelled and suicidal because he can't stop jerking off to the Grinch. That was funny. Matt Bomer is married to lonely child's mother. She loathes the newbie because she has gained her daughter's affection and she likes her man. Bomer does a "pretty" acceptable job of being man trash.
A story about space that has nothing to do with nerdy technical explanations. I liked that. 13-Dec-2020
Blood And Sand (1941)
A celebration of latino culture, the sport of bull fighting and the sacrifices for love. Tyrone Power is the bull fighting brat that thinks his past accomplishments and sexual prowess make up for his sins and lack of intelligence. His mother prays that he gets gourd by a bull so he doesn't die like his father. She also prays that his saintly new wife never gives birth to a son so she doesn't have to suffer the same damnation. Juan gets everything except the love of Jesus. Linda Darnell is a luminescent virgin whose no match for the Goddess of Hellfire. Rita was the woman whose perfection allowed her to steal anything in the proximity of her reach. When Rita lets her hair down and makes out with the husband in front of the wife we know this slut doesn't give a fuck. It's melodramatic like latin people, it's sumptuous like white people and it entertains like any good host. 11-Dec-2020
Rust Creek (2018)
Little girl with a city attitude thinks she can ruff it in the wild where dicks run free and viagra doesn't help. It's an ode to hillbilly hate, police corruption and fine young specimens in peril. Nothing works, the whole is an extension to corroborate a repetitive premise whose replacement parts don't carry on. Poor stupid girl. 07-Dec-2020
My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)
Childhood friends discover they might have feelings for each other as "his" wedding approaches. Julia's star was astutely intoxicating. She reveled in being the asshole and compelled us to cheer when she realizes it. Cameron Diaz steals it by being the opposite of the woman that always gets the good man. She's adorable. If I liked girls I would eat her. The GBFF is of British cunt royalty. Its Rupert Everett, full of life and hope before the despair. Charming and cheeky he was the GBFF you can convincingly pass as a boyfriend and help your vibrator conjure up an image. Julia made me conscious of Dermot Mulroney's importance by the way she looked at him. She was studying him. I deduced him. He's the dick that looks great in Julia's glow and uprises when Cameron blows. He's that guy, she's that girl and she's that poor girl. The laughs are not a statement but a way of life, the romance is annoying but it's smart, people will never relate this way again and GBFFs don't last forever. The music made me float. 07-Dec-2020
Home For The Holidays (1995)
Rabid family holiday. Foster's mind is a jumble. Flamboyantly directed, fussed over and disrespected. Robert Downey Jr.'s gay brother flitted about like a crazed woodpecker perching and flapping uncontrollably to our discomfort and limited endurance. Giving a cute girl the sniffles for the entirety of a film is not romantic or sexy. It's a family home visit without the drinks. Where's the fun in that? 05-Dec-2020
It mindfucks from the beginning. It's told out of sequence and it has something to do with a gay rock that grants the grabber wishes. Unfortunately, the wishes make you see the ridiculousness in them as they come to fruition. The effects are genuinely gross and creative, the kids exceed expectations, the film is hilarious and that guy from Two and Half Men is in it and he doesn't grate. I had so much fun. 04-Dec-2020
Nobody Sleeps In The Woods Tonight (2020)
Parents send their tech dependent children to nature camp to enforce the value of social interaction and gain survival skills. The bootcamp is a military wasteland. It splits them into teams and focuses on hikes, challenges and camaraderie to allow them to use the tech in their brains. You can also make friends. Good ensemble pulls you in as the movie keeps taking them out. It starts to hurt a little. The threat is a mess. We like our deformed bubblies with masks on and butch gear. It's yuck and impossible to look at. The pimply hillbilly troll backstory didn't help. It was preposterous. I withstood the gore and porn violence because of the cast, the kids, the representation, the dialogue, the awkwardness, the scared lesbian, the sexual limitations of tech sex, following natural reaction protocol and because they are us. The beast is in desperate need of a glam attack. It needs Jason's virility, Michael Myers' stamina and Freddy's humor and waist. It prepares us for death by tingling other parts of our body. Ick. 02-Dec-2020
Palm Springs (2020)
I wasn't going to review this film because the idea filled me with dread. It's Groundhog's Day in a cave inside of Palm Springs. Samberg is unrecognizable and semi-fuckable, Miliotic is an easy soft serve and Palm Springs is the Hellmouth. Everyone lives by a routine in which no designated time or responsibility is accounted for. Unless an earth shattering moment occurs the repetition rarely changes. The soft serves had a bond and shared some squishiness. The story is stolen from someone's heart. Its comedy is the brutality of living a life...for too long. 01-Dec-2020
A Cinderella Christmas (2016)
Romance is a concept. Love is that universal fantasy that can fix anything and achieve nothing. This film is an instructional manual on how an alpha can easily capture his sucker mate. It works for the sluts too. It's a fake luxury liner. Cinderella gains a selfish cousin and loses two step-sisters and an evil step-mother. She is now raised by an unconscious uncle whose stupidity is explained as a parental failure. The prince is a ginormous hairy butted banging bottom whose perfection was created from Jesus spit and is a representation of why women and twinks do video splits. If you can't recognize a person beyond a face mask you're full of shit. He expounds worship daddy constantly, celebrating the quantity of women beluga he's chipped. A Scooby Doo member is the fairy godmother, the men act like its an NFL recruitment session and the women compete to the death to get that middle cheerleading spot. The howls of orgasmic virgins drown out the Christmas bells and kill any sign of Christmas cheer. They want us to horn in but the prince's tights aren't tight enough. 29-Nov-2020
Hillbilly Elegy (2020)
I don't understand the hostility towards this film. There are no empowered women in silly spandex and undernourished hair. The women are environmentally flawed, drug infused and violence related. They were "most likely" that became nothing. There's hope in baby boy. Grand and mom try very hard to instigate the good they found for baby boy to move further but their problems keep pushing him out of the success loop. This is Ron Howard's most personal work and I commend him for not being a clone of something better. It's his home. Babies get whooped, women make bad choices and life goes on. Frieda Pinto fails to have chemistry with people and phones. Loosen up, girl. Pretty doesn't last forever. Amy Adams could shit on my doorstep and it wouldn't make me insult her talent. She has so much of it. I believe she captured the character Ron had in mind but Ron didn't strip enough from it. Glenn Close is not the caricature we expect because the actress is brighter than her character. Ron is a copyist. Sometimes a great one. He digs deep to make this one his own. He needed to tighten some things but none of them involved "Jane" hairdos, women in capes or military boots. 25-Nov-2020