Movies Posts Tagged as 'Wit Crack'
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A beautifully crafted animation about unlocking traditional magic. Two brothers accidentally cast a spell that resurrects half of dad. No head or heart just crotch, ass, legs and feet. He profiles like a predator. It taps their shoes to announce to victims they've been found.
My version: boy triggers a spell that brings complete daddy back. If they want to keep him they have 24 hours to venture out and make it happen. They bond. They have beautiful memories and grand adventures without having to endure memorizing daddy's crotch and ass for 24 hours. Takeoff! Did cartoon daddy walk off the set in a huff? The filmmakers could not realize a finale for us. It was all hearsay. 08-Apr-2021
Promising Young Woman (2020)
It's a perfect outline for Catwoman. The anticipation of her masking up and punishing would have been worth the slog. Carey Mulligan keeps a dead expression throughout a lifelong career of avenging a wrongdoing to a friend. She doesn't revel in her revenge. She feels without actually feeling.
A psycho gets off on its craft, sexually, mentally and or physically. This is why directors yell things like, "loosen the fuck up!" to actors. This was a missed opportunity for Mulligan to create her own Joker but she refused to laugh. The ending would have banged harder had she been Catwoman or Halle Berry. 07-Apr-2021
Pleasantries are spoiled by disappointments. It parodies all fairytales then drenches them with honey. Wilmer Valderrama is drawn like a long faced witch with big dick attitude and no substance. The brides are Godzilla stupid but the music is nice and the singing is delightful. Long-faced cartoons are not charming. 05-Apr-2021
Owl And The Pussycat, The (1970)
Lady Barbra plays a hooker with aspirations. George Segal is the bookish wannabe writer whose life she upends. He rats on her for soliciting, she gets evicted and moves in. He inherits a lot of sexual frustration and mental exasperation. Nobody gay bashes like Streisand. (She can bash me all she wants as long as I win her over with my charming personality. That's how you make friends.) She's representing a full fledged character that served the writer well. Why not. If everybody were the same we'd all be Trump. Segal and Streisand are brilliantly funny, introspective, sexy, beautiful and artistic. The words are grand, it flows, we care and it means something. There is a point in your life where you realize that you will never amount to more than what you are. You can at least try to enjoy it with someone in the same boat. 25-Mar-2021
Deadly Illusions (2021)
Kristin Davis helms an asinine parent who hires a vibrant and stainless nanny to temporarily raise her children whilst she finishes her novel. With the children occupied, mama is able to walk the town freely, jump naked in the pool, smoke cigars, drink and get her labia lip smacked by a teenaged nanny. The sex isn't for exploration. It's cold and unimportant because the sex tease is an excuse to keep us interested and fooled. The nanny spends as much time with the kids as the parents. Where the fuck were those kids? Daddy exists to spill his juice and to pantomime what a real man looks like. It all culminates like "Fatal Attraction" trash with old daddy fighting for his life in a shower, wearing only a towel. Embarrassingly funny. 23-Mar-2021
Monster Hunter (2020)
Why are they monster hunters? Nobody wants to track these ugly fuckers down. They happen to be in the way of some people getting home. That's all. Self-defense has nothing to do with hunting. The military swag from all sexes was nauseating, the action was energetic but preposterous, all of the bad actors die first and we thank the gods but the monsters mainly consisted of a "Tremors" beast, a crablike spider and a dragon made of rocks. The cat was funny but was given minimal time. (What a delight to surprise Dr. Viviana with that one!) Non-descript monsters and humans battling an unrealistic warp world. It doesn't make Hi-C sense. 21-Mar-2021
Trial Of The Chicago 7, The (2020)
Courtroom dramas are much like potted plants. Dig, roll, splash and seed until it sprouts but the main focus is always the plant. The plant in this case is politics. I felt encapsulated by the premise, its ego and a lack of sympathetic elaboration. Cohen worked tirelessly on Hoffman the comic but not the man. Daddy Strong turned off his eye bright. It would have captured Rubin's forever boy glint. He may have been high all the time but in interviews he was lit. There were times Redmayne lost his breath trying to take reign of his American accent which made me fear it. Mark Rylance set it up masterfully and Frank Langella commandeered it beautifully. The script was sharp but it was mostly business and no play. Politics wait for no one. A lot more fun would have been nice. 16-Mar-2021
War With Grandpa, The (2020)
Spoiled kid starts a war with grandpa when hardship hits the elder and he has to move in with daughter and family. Mom and dad evict boy from his room so grandpa can die in it. The mistake is starting a war at all. Grandpa is too cute for mistreatment. Had the hijinks been pranks instead of combat they would have elicited warm feelings. The adults were jelling and the kids were posting but most of the pranks were classic TV lame. 13-Mar-2021
Young Frankenstein (1974)
Mel Brooks' enunciation play is brilliant art. The cast shred with equal parts hilarity and 100% talent. It carouses like a very funny sequel. 10-Mar-2021
How Sweet It Is (1968)
Horny teen seeks parental independence by saddling with the girl of his dreams on a trip to Europe. Hot daddy wants to allow him the freedom but hot mama thinks he's too young to travel. The boy gets his way and hot daddy is hitching to Europe to photograph the boy's girlfriend and her young sexy mates. Hot mama, for some odd reason, takes a different course to the same place to keep an extra eye on the boy and her husband. She gets cajoled into thinking that a millionaire Pepe Le Pew's mansion is the European home she rented for the family. She also thinks the millionaire is the servant. Pepe plays along thinking she's a prostitute and that he and the butler are going to get lucky. Misunderstood mishaps follow, reconciliations are forthcoming and the millionaire's attitude changes tune. He gifts her a bikini and the house, she uses it as a weapon, his heart starts pounding and her husband can give two shits. They wrote Debbie dumb. It would have been a different concept had she been more cognizant and confident. She kept getting confused as a prostitute, got sexually attacked repeatedly in front of her husband and accidentally started working at the bordello her boy visits. Wackadoodle. 10-Mar-2021
Moon-Spinners, The (1964)
Disney explores its sexual proclivities. Youngling travels to Crete with doting aunt (she dotes and travels with young succulence in order to elicit a fuck. From anyone!) Virginal child gets entangled in desires, foreign thieves, rapists, connivers and murderers. Girl power privilege in a foreign land. Pola Negri's Madame Habib makes you happy you remained but the caper is silly shit. 04-Mar-2021
Good Boys (2019)
They don't know fancy they just emulate it. The trio has swag, is interracially charismatic and have the cojones of steel. They made me laugh, spin, adore and cheer them. Boys surviving through primal instinct. Take it or leave it that's what boys are. 04-Mar-2021
Rental, The (2020)
Renting a luxury home owned by white supremacists when there is a minority in the group. The cast met the challenge, relationships were established but the surprise was overdue. It doesn't make sense that it would choose this particular moment to explode. They simplified the monster to avoid an impact. Franco insanity make the colors more vibrant but the director's lack of mythology gave us no reason to care about it.
Next time, go nuts! 01-Mar-2021
A childhood trio of friends deepen their bond in adulthood. Two ridiculous chunks of meat and a canned tuna. Delicious. The dialogue smacks, cuts, is dry and intelligent. I've never laughed so hard at subtlety. Burt, Jill and Kris were on full star watt. They were beautiful, crazy, athletic, sexy, fucked up, funny and sweet. 28-Feb-2021
Strongest Man In The World, The (1975)
Inventing the formula that adds super-human strength to a person. A Disney kabob of good nature, silliness, comedy, simplicity and pro efficiency run amok. 24-Feb-2021