Movies Posts Tagged as 'Crapfun'
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Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice (2024)
It was good. 26-Dec-2024
Red One (2024)
It was a jolly merry Christmas movie. Daddy Johnson downplayed it and wrung emotion and hilarity out of it. Chris Evans rejected heroic valor and was cute again. JK Simmons can eat my cookies, anytime. Lucy Liu had a purpose. Krampus was impressive. Kiernan was having fun. Every hole in the story gets punched up by mini-Dwayne kickassing, his jacket, his teeth, reindeer muscle, snowmen beaching, toys, gadgets, lights, magic, witches, twinks, candies, memories, regrets and fun. Sounds like Christmas to me. 20-Dec-2024
Subservience (2024)
It adds enough to the genre to make it interesting but it doesn't supply enough tech or empathetic reasoning to make it a classic. Ms. Fox is a royal maximizer of presence and a soulless entity suits her well. Michelle Morone made me want to go to the bathroom and jerk off to straight italian porn. Madeline Zima played a thankless role that depended solely on her likability and that's better than nothing. The movie satisfied but didn't satiate. More tech or more sex would have knocked it towards art park. No budget for more tech means they would have to physically create it. So, create it. Hubby would have become addicted to robot sex because that's what men do. "I only fucked her a few hundred times, sweetie. I was practicing for when you got your heart back. I didn't want to disappoint you." 09-Dec-2024
Merry Men, The (2024)
There's more than stupidity going on here. The cast is amiable and hardworking. Britt is a misdiagnosed charmer. Prattes legs were mesmerizing, it's fun to see old witches again, Maxwell Caulfield's moment was a go daddy thing, Chad Michael Murray had the body, the robotics, enthusiasm and Farrah's hair. They derailed the "hate at first love" train and depicted how people really get together. I didn't stay for the pancakes but I waited for the bacon. Merry whatever the fucks! 25-Nov-2024
Deadpool and Wolverine (2024)
If I were a dog, I'd lick them all. 18-Nov-2024
Bad Moon, The (1996)
As soon as I realized the original material centered around a pet beast, my mind started to baton twirl. Thor was the title and the name of the dog. But, the movie is about a werewolf, a mother and son, or is it? Mariel Hemingway was peak star watt that carried the weight of the movie's heart. The son is there to make the dog look good. Michael Pare was a one-time specimen that carried out his mission like a rebellious animal. Romance violently exits in the first 10 minutes, a brother/sister/uncle dynamic takes its place, Thor was the best actor and the transformation didn't suck. Man vs beast has been re-re-written so they tried something else. How does a dog protect his family when uncle is the king of canines and the myth rules don't apply? 05-Nov-2024
Don't Move (2024)
How does a suicidal woman survive when faced with danger? She puts her life-training to use because it's not death on her terms. Kelsey and Finn jelled. He rang a Hal Cooper bell. Suspense was tight and empathetic. We are in throughout the main's survival journey. Same'o circumstances upgraded. 28-Oct-2024
Uglies (2024)
Interesting premise that has no solid fictional reference to back it up. The idea that you get surgery at 16 to look your most beautiful self and be happy is fraudulent. Why didn't the people revolt before they agreed to a ludicrous way of living? What happens to the naturally beautiful? Vanity purists wouldn't allow that type of interruption to their legacy. Is there anything uglier than uglies? Do they step up to ugly status when the others reach nirvana? How many mothers popped ugly babies for society to enact such a rule? The baddie was a borderline dystopian with comic book strokes. If the rulers can manipulate the people to overhaul ugly, why go to the next extreme? The beauty is for whom? I liked Nose better before he turned into a Final Fantasy character. The movie made me self conscious of the lead's looks. I was judging them constantly to see if she fit the part. All she needed was a bath. The finale was maddening. You mean the baddies could have done that all along? What did they need Tally for? Her history with Nose had a heartbeat but her new buddy happend too swiftly and coincidentally to kick. Nose closure was a post-it from somebody else's refrigerator. I wished Croy was Smoke. Feelings coming back after transitioning wasn't explored enough to be convincing. Wouldn't starting fires to escape the opposition create an air map for the enemy? Skate surfing scenes uplifted but forging through the woods to bring grandma back was stark. It was not painful to watch or stay. 18-Sep-2024
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)
This should have been Barbie's accompaniment. Pink was all over the place and it was the worst case scenario for one of Oppenheimer's lunacies. The humans didn't fair. Hottle outgrew her innocent adorability and couldn't fake it. Dan Stevens never entered the time machine that I sent him. It was to the Abbey so he could find his star watt. Dude used to make ladies melt and men cry. His adaptation of Chris Pratt from Guardians was cartoonish. Even the originator doesn't know where that fucker is. Brian Tyree Henry played a bug-eyed everyday black person spooked by anything except guns. Rebecca Hall's character remained vanilla and pushed aside. The animal kingdom was magical, naturalistic and smelling like planet of the apes. I dig that Karen Black chick. A Kardashian rules the top of the world and Kong's home is the center. Rappers are attacking them. It's an artistic success even though it's fueled by too much human interruption. 09-Jul-2024
Mean Girls (2023)
A rom-com is conversion therapy for those who don't believe in fairy tales. I saw a handheld camera at the beginning and almost blacked out but then something cute happened. It moved like Grease and had the aroma of a pink lady. It kept me in with mixed results. The music had word limitations and they repeated nonsensical lines that make only cartoon baby sharks squeak. Was no thesaurus available when the music was written? The mean girls were lame and avenged by dorky plans. The cast was bubbly. The lesson was that anybody can be a mean girl. You fix her by allowing her to steal someone else's hot dick to fuck and hope she never calls you again. 10-Jun-2024
Die! Die! My Darling! (1965)
Soon to be married, a people pleaser decides to accept an invite from a mother-in-law that never was. Her ex-fiancee died and she moved on but his mother is still devastated. Mother thinks his ex-fiancee was the cause of his death. Ex-fiancee is in danger and they are making her diet! Tallulah embraced her part like Davis did in Baby Jane and blow-horned it to death. Stefanie Powers was spot-on and rocked great hair. The film is vindictive and cruel. I would have left the moment that maid answered the door. It's a sorta fun drip. 06-Jun-2024
Talk To Me (2022)
Film still has problems easing diversity into a comfortable setting. They act like they're visitors in someone else's home. There are not enough emotional elements to connect the actors together. They are isolating themselves in a crowded room. Diversity always feels like the elephant in the room. Facing it might dispel the awkwardness and grant more entertainment. The lead doesn't supply enough oxygen to let us in on how she may be feeling besides the obvious. Joe Bird, on the other hand, established himself with eye movements and bodily functions. The film succeeds because it thought outside the box and the scares were great. 07-Apr-2024
Transformers: Rise Of The Beast (2023)
I did not invest in the toy as a baby but I recognized the maximals. A Galactus storyline without a shake-up but a re-do. Mr. Ramos didn't calculate a silly side that would make him empathetic and fun. He was too hot to be so serious. The bots are everything. Barbies can't function like bots unless they turn purple. Pete Davison was convincing and sorta funny as a typical black dude with gay bot tendencies.. 07-Jan-2024
Rebel Moon: A Child On Fire (2023)
The handsomest director in Hollywood makes a movie of wonder. It's a what if Star Wars account of what a boy imagines. The movie is crisp and lighting glows with clarification. He brought all the elements but kept it, mostly western. The effects glide, Anthony Hopkins is a beautiful thing, Djimon Hinsou wowed in a semi birthday suit, the alpha bodies were to die for, the story never strayed from its path and the action sequences held. Unfortunately, our heroine was flat, unsympathetic and a cold lesbian killing machine. It was realistic to see a man kick the shit out of a woman, threaten rapes of virgins and pretty straight boys and for races to exist as different societies. Snyder recreates scenarios oft repeated and makes them look bright but not all the senses can see. 23-Dec-2023
Scream VI (2023)
Exactly what I didn't expect, in a place I wouldn't think of. 16-Nov-2023