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Joe Millionaire: For Richer Or Poorer (2022-) Woof

The unbalanced black flat chick ended her rage after it was discovered that she was too mentally unwell (she spoke truths that insane people don't want to hear). White people like to have fun. They don't whine if their hair frizzes up like their foe. They just reinvent it. The latin mother is so obsessed with her conquest that it feels like she has a cartel up her ass forcing her to do so. Adios. My pecker is like a compass and the needle is not pointing to either Joe. Can we bring original Joe in? He may be a hideous bear now but I'm sure he can still make slurps sing. 23-Jan-2022
It took two bachelors to add up to one Joe Millionaire. The original's historical "slurp around the world" was magnificence. My pecker picked the poor one until I got to know him then I switched. Tarzan hair is fun but he's such a pendejo. He has no sexual entitlement. Cowboy Cheeky is fuckable in a Chucky kind of way. He has a bubbly ass. In my day, they would have called the contestants, escapees from mental institutions. A desperate "housewife to be" decides to wear the same dress as another contestant. Neither chose to "rock" the shitty dress and left it up to the millionaire to decide which tacky slut filled it the least. It depends how gay the men are. Black girl gets drunk and starts feeling used. She goes on a rant. White girls are not having it so they plot. Mothers of America. Shame on You! You've turned your daughters into dumb sluts competing for basic. Original Joe hands. Classic. 10-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Brutal, Comfort Food, Cowboy, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Emasculating, Fake, Fun Acting, Funny, Gay Swatch, Hilarious, Over the Top, Overcooked, Pitchy, Predictable, Preposterous, Psychological, Reality, Revenge, Romance, Scary, Showy, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Tough, Wit Crack, Words Spoke, Writ Funny, Writ Tough

Filed under: TV

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23-Jan-2022


Below Deck (2013-) Howl

Captain Howdy

The charter was full of love. Rayna's rage on lack of respect was warranted. None of the heads demanded an explanation from Heather Stew. They had a trial without the accused being involved. Rayna stepped up and Stewie stepped down to kiss "new" Barbie stew ass. Deck Robin Hood didn't disappoint. He wore a thong, hoping something hard would latch onto it. Deck Robin has the ass of an 15 hour porpoise. Deck Precious couldn't deal. Not Bridgerton decided he can't stop looking. His ass is so pretty that only a black girl with rage issues can slam it... or Captain Daddy. Deck Robin Hood tried on all types of hoods for me. How did he know? Deck Robin and Stewie got engaged. Captain Daddy promises to eat some ass next week, if all doesn't go well. I hope Deck Robin Hood fucks up. 17-Jan-2022
Eye rolling is what gets black people fired. 11-Jan-2022
Jaws continued onboard to be negated timely food dosages and to receive catty snares from her own charter. Nobody appreciated that she was wired shut to get rid of the ugly fat that turns off prospective husbands. Heather Stew apologized to Rayna Rage for using the n-word that is so popular amongst black people. Rayna accepted the apology only to rage later on. She also pondered why white people stereotyped black people after five rages. Stewie pretended gays aren't devious whores by acting like one. Rayna Rage blew up her love triangle by inviting Stewie to watch her fuck Deck Robin Hood. Deck Robin Hood has an intoxicating fish baby smell. Rayna Rage's pussy beat one tiny white boy dick to the fishbone. The crew left the boat so Captain Daddy could get blown privately. Deck Precious got spooked by a spider, landed on my lap and proved all things are possible. Mooooah! 04-Jan-2022
It was a Jaw Charter. What Reagan did to Nancy to stop her from accidentally sucking spy dick. That's why she was so thin. It was a charter with no sense. Lockjaw was treated like every child with a handicap. Last. Captain Daddy pretended to be mad at Deck Precious when he stood up for his lazy blackx crew. Stew Poppins booked when she realized she was normal. Nobody cares why you have lockjaw (wink, wink, men) we just care to watch you choke. 20-Dec-2021
An incest charter made it onboard. Daughter saw daddy's massive dick and thought that exposing her boobs constantly would up her inheritance. Men of other species do not flirt with blackx females unless they're ready to TNT their hole. She will fuck you up, otherwise. I know this for a fact. Nothing is a joke to Rayna Rage. She hurt uncle Eddie. I'm surprised she made it ashore with the lost footage intact. The only thing that would stop Stewie from meddling in an employee's mental heath business, is a big dick in his mouth. Can somebody please get Chef Loops drunk? I can eat her food at McDonalds. Get loops, bitch! Did Captain Daddy add fruit to his breakfast rocks? 13-Dec-2021
A tit charter was so infectious that it reminded Captain Daddy how much he likes Chef Loops' food. Chemistry. Eddie was so upset by his crew's performance that he beat them with rubber toys. A second blackx has been accused of being slow by a professional. Depressed people shouldn't be allowed to work on sexy boats. Stewie is still trying to stir trouble. Stew Heather doesn't know that no-nonsense tyranny equates employment withdrawal. No bountiful cheeks were served with dinner. Next week, Robin Hood. Please. 07-Dec-2021
Richie Rich threw it in every poor boy's face that money rocks. The succubus complained that Captain Daddy and her husband paid more attention to their lobsters than her. Deck Not Bridgerton is so deprived of love that he confused depressive stew whines as romantic. Stewie wasted his time obsessing over and judging the depressive one. The deck crew kept depositing plastic into the water. Heather Stew ran out of tongs. Celebrating the 80's is a way of reminding old people they sucked. Deck Robin Hood proved his masculinity by flirting with unavailable females, getting naked, tonguing Stewie and making Eddie sexually frustrated. Soft little pillows waiting for comfort. Eddie was saved from switching teams when his hair caught on fire. Sigh. Does this mean his children will be bald? Rayna Rage delighted at seeing soft little pillows prove himself a drunken sexual liar. Bitch recorded it. 30-Nov-2021
Stewie became the poster boy for gay marriage by declaring that all children are gross. Someone needs to assure Eddie that some gay fucks are like vaccines. Bridgerton not. We bow to Rayna of controlled rage. All the pretty birds flocked to deck Robin Hood. One of Richie Rich's succubus "fake followed" Captain Daddy to his quarters. She came with dinner. Fucking slit. 23-Nov-2021
S9E4. A pig charter were doing a bang-up job humiliating themselves with liquor and inconsequential shit until Captain Daddy told them to cut it out. They needed parental discipline. Go figure. Rayna made out with Deck Robin Hood. Deck Robin got promoted. Rayna did not like it when he insinuated she shut her mouth and do better work. It made Rayna Rage hop out of the closet. Stewie must have smelt available dick onboard because he stepped up. Rayna made out with Stewie and Robin to prove a future point. "He's gay. I knew it!" 19-Nov-2021
S9E1. The crew does everything to fuck up a charter of black female Republicans. Captain Howdy fills in for Captain Daddy. Chef Loops is still serving nonsense along with great food. Second Stew Stewie sucked at his job and accused the Republicans of threatening him with violence. The boys invented a "Hoe" song to honor Lady Deck. Heather Stew "cunt be bothered" serving the rich's every whim. Deck Bridgerton needs to keep quiet and take his shirt off. Rayna needs to do the dishes and not complain. Eddie squishes mightiest when he's pining for daddy. 17-Nov-2021

Tags: 2010s, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Funny, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Real, Silly, Sweet, Tacky, Wit Snit

Filed under: TV

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17-Jan-2022


Red Notice (2021) Woof

Red Notice fulfills "land of magic" type escapism. The writers created an intriguing caper and an enigmatic cast to play act it. Gal Gadot can act. Well. Daddy King Rock delighted in being the brunt of a joke, constantly, in fabulous fashion. Dickwad Reynolds steals it by being a cantankerous benevolent criminal who is also Deadpool. The director took advantage of its DCU historical significance and developed some solid characters. Heart tug. 11-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Adorable, Camp, Chemistry, Coincidence Laden, Comedy, Crapfun, Crime Drama, Cute, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Fresh, Fun, Funny, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Mystery, Revenge, Sentimental, Silly, Star Watt, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight

Filed under: Movies

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11-Jan-2022


Wasteland, The (2021) Bites

I can't identify with a child that wakes his parents up so daddy can walk him to the latrine which is terrifyingly one block away. To piss. Why didn't he just piss in any corner of the house except where mama hangs laundry? It debates whether parents should compromise a boy's sensitivity by forcing him to become a man if the times deem it necessary. It's a future where woke people are forced to eat animals named Fluffy to survive. Suicidal grandpa daddy grants himself an early reprieve by getting a conscious in between bouts of "I don't give a shit! and "I want to die!" Daddy did not deserve a vacation. Mother madness is spooky with minimal slaps and torture towards children. She did good with killing animals, though. I didn't understand it. "The monster is made of trees, branches and bad lighting, maybe. You imagined the whole thing. You're just like us. Nuts." The child riled us up but the director couldn't give us a reason for any of it. 08-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Coincidence Laden, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Foreign: Spanish, Horror, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Scare Obvious, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Wit Crack, Writer Weakness

Filed under: Movies

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08-Jan-2022


Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021) Arf

Venom is nothing without that spider boy splitting his ass in half. How fortunate that Tom Hardy has a dick-breaking ass. Venom's and Tom's duality don't combine. There are attempts to bring them together but talking to green screens is all it is. I imagined a wraparound as opposed to a pop out. I was aghast at how youthful and beautiful Mira Sorvino looked then realized with humiliation that it was Michelle Williams. Michelle got rid of the haughty accents, loosens up and shakes her sourpuss. Reid Scott was a supportive adorable dunce. I thought Stephen Graham was a Walhlberg doing a bad imitation of a better Wahlberg. Woody Harrelson was channeling an old white woman from the 1950's out on her last stroll. Go nuts, daddy! The film has no purpose except to destroy and sell but it has stupid entertainment value. I liked Asian Venom, they gave us a hint at Lady Venom and didn't dare realize a Drag Queen Venom. Why not? 07-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Camp, Comic Book, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director Experiment, Director Movement, Enthusiastic, Fun, Funny, Hot Swatch, Mad, Magnetism, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Trashy, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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07-Jan-2022


Hawkeye (2021-) ArfDowngrade

S1E6. The land of absolute magic couldn't accomplish turning a brilliant D'Onofrio into the behemoth that he deserves to be. How much ass kicking and arrow shooting can we take? It was a lost moment to be brilliant and make a childhood comic-book fantasy come to life. 03-Jan-2022
S1E5. Jeremy Renner plays "that little bitch" in his own series. The female "kickass" trope is extremely tired and damaging, to all sexes. Bad Russian speak has returned and I'm starting not to give a fuck. The MCU has created a complicated mythological puzzle that future audiences won't tolerate because they didn't live through it and will be too stupid to piece together. 01-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Comic Book, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Pitchy, Political, Preposterous, Showy, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Tired

Filed under: TV

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03-Jan-2022


Encanto (2021) Arf

Abuelita sacrifices her husband to magic and gets a brand new house. The house is alive with sorcery, the family is gifted with trickery and the town thrives on bountiful happiness. Men are useless and goofy. Women are Amazonian of the nosey kind. They only get into trouble when they walk into it. The voice cast is dreamy but Lin-Manuel Miranda's music is back to infect my ears with disjointed melodies. I couldn't hang on to any musical notes because more confusing ones replaced them. He's taking our ears back to when we were babies adopting to hearing. Goo goo ga ga sounded like a song but it wasn't. The film was culturally unidentifiable as the latinos were nondescript living in fairy tale land with one family under God, controlling the whole town like the mafia. TG climate change arrives to kill their magic. Kudos to the voice actors and the artists. 30-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Animation, Chemistry, Cultural, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Fatigue, Fun, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Voice Act, Heart Writ, Music Murders, Relationships, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Vague, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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30-Dec-2021


tick, tick...BOOM! (2001) Whimper

Spider-man split open his asshole and we tasted it. The flavors were acidic and international. Like a caesar salad. Miranda covers an artist that succeeded without musicality because he's an artist that also succeeds without it. When did Spider-Man become Doc from "Back To The Future?" Andrew is its good thing, Robin de Jesus is a missed opportunity and Judith Light was too jewish. Vanessa Hudgens was the only artist that understood the piece of crap she was in and relaxed to our enjoyment. Bad music and immature storytelling equal forgotten art. 24-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Bio, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Gay Swatch, Music Murders, Musical, Over the Top, Preposterous, Relationships, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Ugly Art, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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24-Dec-2021


Don't Look Up (2021) Arf

A comet is heading towards earth, we're all going to die and the writer thought this premise would be hilarious. It isn't. Scientists get embroiled in proving their findings, alerting the public and getting mixed signals from the government. Leo chomps through it like there's a better film in his head. Jennifer's headpiece was of the superhero ilk but her character was plain Jane. Jonah was ready to grand theft the whole shebang but the words were no prize. The President is too glamorized and fussy. You know who would have made a good President? Meryl Streep. The real one, stripped of vanity and silliness. A straight shooter. I did not know it was Cate Blanchett until she let her hair down. Good for her. There are "Network" references, "Melancholia" acknowledgements and Animal Channel clips. The one joke makes it claustrophobic. Character emotions belong in an asylum. Asides are treated as such and have little relevance to the whole. The threat of death is hilarious? Yes, for the suicidal. 24-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Camp, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Drama, Political Satire, Predictable, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Weird, Wit Crack

Filed under: Movies

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24-Dec-2021


Queen Bees (2021) Whimper

A "These Old Broads" rip. Parents only know how to parent children. Grandma cannot prove that she is self-sufficient. Family and an accident coerce her into a senior home where conversion therapy for the dying (bffs) and medical staff await. It's a high school for broken bones. The writers applied one word descriptions to their legends. They are characterized as "extreme" (Burstyn), "cranky bitch" (Curtain), "sex kitten" (Ann-Margret), and "why the fuck are you here?" (Devine.) These women have accumulated enough historical fanfare to study and for writers to create great characters. Adding something personal would have reminded us why these ladies are great but instead they minimized them. Ellen Burstyn is a powerhouse, Jane Curtain is a Jane, bitch, Ann-Margret is a tiger and Tina Turner is a legacy. Oh. That wasn't Tina Turner? But she's Ann's friend. Oh. 21-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Predictable, Sap, Silly, Star Watt, Timid

Filed under: Movies

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21-Dec-2021


Will & Grace (1998-2006) Full Moon

S1E3. The gay bestie is the only man that gets pretend husband right. Jack was the clown stereotype that exploded. Karen hadn't evolve but she was super bitchy. Grace and Will's beautiful relationship ends when the other sucks the other's partner off on a whim, just like in real life. 10-Dec-2021

Tags: 1990s, 2000s, Amiable, Art, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Comfort Food, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fun Acting, Funny, Gay, Great Acting, Hot Swatch, Magic, Magnetism, Sentimental, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Sweet, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Funny, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight

Filed under: TV

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10-Dec-2021


Chucky (2021-) ArfUpgradeWoof

The mythology exploded into bits. The Frankenstein and Gremlins intermingle registered anew. Tiffany erupted into a countess of evil. Our favorite orphans showed and blew shit up. In style. Little gay boys kicked ass. The twists and consequences were ridiculously entertaining. Chucky popped a different pill and surprised us. He's become a deeper hallucination. I love how his doll legs flail when he's killing someone. He says all the stupid shit we're thinking. He's hilarious. Lip synch has improved. He's fucking awesome. It was a bang with a but. I was not amused by the Chucky Show at the end. 03-Dec-2021
S1E6. Chucky celebrated Mother's Day by being a cruel adult. Black gay boyfriend is sweet. The babies are creating a vibe. Main baby needs to step up the emotion. I can see him staring at the nothing he sees when the director yells at him otherwise. Tiffany tickled. Chucky delighted and the show didn't give a shit. It dared cancel people we liked. That's scary. 24-Nov-2021
Hello Gladys Kravitz. 20-Oct-2021
Chucky's back and he hasn't aged. Tech needs to fix his lip-synching. It's off. Chucky is owned by an angry teen with artistic deficiencies and obscure classmates. Hateful characters abound so we can watch murder without guilt. The teenager walks around with a giant doll throughout the school day and makes it home safe. WTF? Chucky supplied giggles, guffaws and revenge. Go Chucky! 15-Oct-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action Fun, Art, Brutal, Camp, Chemistry, Classic, Crapfun, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director Art, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Fun, Fun Acting, Funny, Gay, Heart Writ, Hilarious, Horror, Mean Spirited, Nostalgic, Over the Top, Scary, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Sweet, Timid, Twisty, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Funny, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight, Writ Tough

Filed under: TV

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03-Dec-2021


Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (2020) Woof

Except for the ball period sketch everything in Bruno 2 is tamer. No other scenario matched the brilliance of capturing rich people's horrified faces at watching a reality drenched tampon commercial. It was the biggest laugh. The main two pushed their talents to the max but no super crazy shit was allowed. 02-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Funny, Good Acting, Music Swings, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Political Satire, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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02-Dec-2021


Bruised (2021) Whimper

The film describes a violent female as a failed mother/wife/child whose rage needs to be re-directed towards a profit. A killer that knows when to stop is a champion. They don't fight to save the world but themselves. Halle's fighter is homeless, negative and miserable. She keeps her feelings Eastwood. The boy's tongue was cut because he was either a lousy actor or the audience doesn't need to hear a black boy speak. Hispanics inherit black male stereotypes. Lesbian and mama were ready to sparkle but were given little illumination. It piles cliches without original thinking. I kept hoping she was a secretary with a hot lesbian boss. At least she would have been cute. 28-Nov-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Cultural, Depressing, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Macho Posing, Predictable, Relationships, Retread, Sap, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Wit Crack

Filed under: Movies

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28-Nov-2021


Shang-Chi & The Legend of Ten Rings (2021) Woof

It opens with a sober mythological tale. The action sequences lift our feet off the floor. Awkafina is refreshing. She makes corny scenarios funny. Simu Liu is a ripped pocket ass kicker. The story crumbles when daddy issues arise and Marvel wokeness and grandstanding are inserted. Motivations are vague, the writing can't keep up with the tech and by the end, the movement becomes an oncoming train. 21-Nov-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Beautiful, Chemistry, Comic Book, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Drama, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Hot Swatch, Macho Posing, Musical Bombast, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Sap, Silly, Star Watt, Vague, Wit Crack, Wit Snit

Filed under: Movies

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21-Nov-2021




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