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All Posts Tagged as 'Bad Chemistry'

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Marvels, The (2023) Bites

The film suffers from The Green Lantern and Quantum effect. If the creators wanted to take us to other worlds, the trip needed to be worth it. Skrulls with no power are obsolete. I think they took the green screen too literally. Most of the actors looked like they were talking to the back-heads of stand-ins or more green screens. The ladies became 3 instruments that didn't play well together. Distance was put between them. The glowey thing that Capt. Marvel displays when she's on, reminds one of the Quantum sky. Another action killer was giving the women the same power effect. So we don't distinguish or because it was easier? The big bad could only have gotten better had they cast that crazy lady from the Power Rangers. I thought Dar-Benn was blind for the first few minutes of the film. If she looked down, would her head-piece have fallen off? All the ladies came as they are because hair and makeup were in a rush to return to social media. They looked unkempt and shook. They would never dare look this ratched on the red carpet where fans aren't paying them to create movie magic. Somber heroes zigzagging to nowhere for nobody. I never thought of Monica Rambeau as interesting, I liked Kamala on the smaller screen but... and we all know what Carol Danvers is. The reason I liked female heroines was because they were a break from extremism and added a softer solution to the action and they were beautiful. If women keep denying themselves in order to become men, hugs will be cancelled. They can do anything? Be a girl. Good hair, make-up and dress will fulfill the rest. See: Barbie. Imagine if she was ugly and without sex appeal. No mucho $. Musicland was an in-law family situation humiliation activity. Nobody swags like they care so why bother? Was Frasier the only white man allowed in the building or was he CGId? 07-Feb-2024

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Cold, Comic Book, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, Fantasy, Girlie Movie, Lesbian, Over the Top, Predictable, Repetitive, Sad Effects, Sap, Sequel, Shrill Act, Silly, Stink Wigs, Tacky, Timid, TV-like, Writer Humiliation

Filed under: Movies

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07-Feb-2024


Blue Beetle (2023) Bites

The pace had no time to set-up character appreciation, it had a billion particles to settle. The family dynamic was food, drink, celebration and insanity. George Lopez added comedy schtick to his act. He looked like a character booted from Bedrock because he was too loud and ornery. The breast queen should be playing Lady MacBeth not becoming a free TV actor. I can see her washing blood from her hands and implementing Elvira's cleavage cut. The rest of the family and the leads apply stereotypes without explaining them. There is no such thing as a stereotype because it's only a description of our heritage. Universal speak. Nobody passed the classic TV Q test and the silliness hardly stopped. The best of the mythology turned into a fiesta. The family went everywhere together. Really? When did they masturbate? Why did the family get superpowers? Beetle's nemesis was a bigger and badder version of himself. Couldn't we have gotten something a little different? If the production wanted to fill the female quota, why didn't they concoct some awesome female villains? He has lots and no villain is scarier than a latin woman scorned. She'll slash your tires. 27-Nov-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Comedy, Cultural, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Revenge, Sap, Shrill Act, Timid, Trashy, TV-like, Vague, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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27-Nov-2023


My Policeman (2022) Whimper

A very soft policeman. Harry Styles keeps it monotone and unenthusiastic. He pants oddly during blowjobs and he can't kiss for shit. His "s's" and "t's" were so crisp that I thought his accent was fake. I wanted to shake him. I came in the first few minutes and never got a hardon again. I felt like leaving so many times but felt obligated to stay. We prefer to talk about our olden times instead of setting a better path with a real story from today. We can be honest about the past without it burning us in the present. The laws have changed but we have not. It's 50s Britain, where cops live in Tarduses, aging twinks can become cops, twink cops get picked up by perverts and an innocent girl trashes her entire life so her husband and their bff can enjoy gay sex. Emotions run cold. Everything is so quiet and unassuming that you sometimes believe one of the lovers might be serial. P.S.: gays are only miserable at the end of their lives, all else is just fun. 05-Nov-2022

Tags: 2020s, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Director Slouch, Drama, Gay, Over the Top, Predictable, Relationships, Retread, Tedium, Timid

Filed under: Movies

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05-Nov-2022


Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022-) Bites

S1E4. I bought a box of Depends so I could put up with the rest of the season. 13-Jun-2022
S1E1. The disease that made Hayden Christensen sink Darth Vader may have been borne from Star Wars speak not Hayden Christensen. The acting is horrible. The originals are the only ones that understood that nerdy language. The series recreates a legend whose ending has already been written but doesn't push it any further. To 2022? It's so corny I shit my pants backwards. 02-Jun-2022

Tags: 2020s, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, By the Numbers, Cliche, Drama, Egotistical, Fantasy, No Chemistry, Over the Top, Overcooked, Sci-Fi, Silly, Timid, Tired, Wit Crack

Filed under: TV

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13-Jun-2022


Is It Cake? (2022-) BitesEarly Exit

S1E1. Mikey Day actually sounds like that? I thought that was an SNL inflection. The refrain is killing me. The artistic aspect (cakes) are impressive but the format and its presentation are unforgivable. The reason the guest stars are not household names is because the majority of people don't want to hear them. I am leaving because I'm allergic to certain sounds and I don't eat cake. 23-Mar-2022

Tags: 2020s, Art, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, Camp, Discomfort, Ear Prick, Early Exit, Fatigue, Game Show, Gay, Over the Top, Preposterous, Repetitive, Tacky, Tedium, Tired, Trashy, Unfunny, Weird, Wig Crack, Writ For Short Attn Spans

Filed under: TV

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23-Mar-2022


Candyman (2021) No Moons

Non-movie illustration of why "Oscar So White" is still so prevalent. Candyman is stripped of sensual ferocity, opinion and reason. His myth is re-written and implied by puppetry because the talent wasn't inspired to showcase it. The scares couldn't unhinge a cockroach. The deaths are remote with closeup shots of thick red Kool-aid. The violence is hesitant because most black people are petrified of supernatural violence. It scratches the ghetto but refuses to live in it because black people don't want to return there. Whites have gentrified the ghetto and blacks are mad as hell because they weren't given enough time to make their home livable. "Welfare knocked on my door before I had a chance to straighten up." "Bitch, you know white people can't watch good land go to waste." Blacks with dedication and drive enjoy the gentrified lifestyle while critiquing their hosts and avoiding the nasty parts of their neighborhood. This is all supposed to tie in with a confusing Candyman revenge backstory. The candy was uninspired. It should have looked scrumptious and colorful. It looked like granny's recycled Christmas candy. Only fat kids pick that shit up. It wasn't woke enough to have Colman Domingo fuck Candyman. The film required more gays so Candyman could kill the two. Too bad. In what world are there more cops in the neighborhood than community? 31-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, Cliche, Coincidence Laden, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Gay Swatch, Horror, Indecipherable, Political, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Retread, Silly, Tacky, Timid, Writer Weakness

Filed under: Movies

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31-Jan-2022


Last Duel, The (2021) Arf

Wife screams rape by hubby's bestie and rival. A trial and a duel decide their fate. The respect Ridley Scott expresses to the Middle Ages is not supported by Damon, Driver or Affleck. Ben is slimmed into a Prince Joffrey outfit with vocoder voice. Driver is a ready-made Rasputin with no magical powers. Damon lost his confidence and earnestness. The men don't belong. They are wise asses of modernity and circumstance. My X-ray vision caught smirks and college campus antics. Jodie Comer had the unfortunate task of reciprocating to two male lead green screens. Why show love for another when you can keep it to yourself. Ridly Scott has a fascination with effete kings. He should make a film all about them. 21-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Chemistry, Director's Touch, Drama, Gay Swatch, Political Satire, Predictable, Relationships, Revenge, Romance, Star Watt, Timid, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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21-Jan-2022


Old (2021) Whimper

At no point do we believe we are anywhere but in a M Knight nightmare. Occurrences collide so speedily that we don't have time to absorb them. M Knight believes that getting old is life's worst irony but he doesn't explore why. His fear limited him. Women return to screaming, black men are fast-food, disheveled beauty hurts, Bernal's legs are perfect and children fuck. I didn't understand it and didn't want to. It's a free blowjob in a foreign country with too many rules to find release. 14-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Bad Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Mystery, Timid, Weird, Wit Crack, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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14-Dec-2021


School Of Rock (2003) Whimper

"James Corden" type entertainer teaches genius diversity how to rock out. Sex, drugs and rock n roll. 23-Oct-2021

Tags: 2000s, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Cold, Comedy, Grating, Musical Bombast, Preposterous, Repetitive, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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23-Oct-2021


Freaky (2020) Whimper

It might have been fun had everyone appeared as enervated as Vince Vaughn. 05-Sep-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Chemistry, Camp, Daddy Squish, Gay Swatch, Gore, Horror, Over the Top, Preposterous, Scare Obvious, Silly, Timid, Wit Crack

Filed under: Movies

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05-Sep-2021


Cold Creek Manor (2003) Arf

City whites decide to move out of the city after their son's expensive shoes get scratched in the city. They are afforded an estate at a very low price that belonged to an ex prison crusader on a warpath with whomever moves in. Sharon Stone is onboard to bore us doing motherly stuff as an affordable VP. Daddy Quaid's anger doesn't generate enough sparks to make us care. Christopher Plummer was unrecognizable. Juliette Lewis made it ashore to tingle the plot and remind us Cape Fear did it better. Stephen Dorff was delicious smack as a bad boy affected by parental sexual freedom that you will eventually spit out and nothing more. Teen Kristen Stewart was at her best, hanging loose, upfront and appearing to hate only half the planet. The ending is as cruel as the wait. 16-May-2021

Tags: 2000s, Accidental Watch, Bad Chemistry, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Hot Swatch, Mean Spirited, Mystery, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Silly, Star Watt, Suspense, Thriller, Timid, Vague, Weird, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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16-May-2021


Tenet (2020) Arf

Aaron Taylor-Johnson knew how to lead, Chadwick Boseman had no presence, Robert Pattinson had no rhythm and Christopher Nolan discovered the reverse button. The film was correct about one thing. If you fall asleep halfway through, you heal faster. 03-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Conspiracy Theory, Director Experiment, Disappointment, Drama, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Over the Top, SciFi, Silly, Star Watt, Suspense, Vague

Filed under: Movies

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03-May-2021


Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999) Whimper

I went retro and revisited some films that weren't to my liking. If it weren't for Lucas magic this film would be one of the worst. The child. Poor thing. No training, no soul. I would have skipped to the Superboy years one second after the awesome pod race. Liam Neeson didn't seem taken by the force. The words meant nothing to him. It was a job. MacGregor's head moved stiffly and he looked like he cracked up before and after many line readings. Jar Jar Binks was created by party people with no exceeding limits. I watched him drunk and still found him annoying. Natalie Portman must have looked blankly at countless fake CGI things because she applied it to humans as well. The voice she inflected was cockamamie and infectious. Yoda isn't as cute as The Child. At all. Blathering old idiot. Robes don't flow in saber fights and future love relations are not impactful if one babysat the other. The director worked beyond the force. The fans publicly cheered while quietly sighing. Darth Maul was a pocket. It makes a good game but not a good film. 02-Feb-2021

Tags: 1990s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Experiment, Director Insanity, Director's Slice, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Sort of, Grating, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Over the Top, Sap, SciFi, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Tedium, Timid, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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02-Feb-2021


Fantasy Island (2020) Bites

Michael Pena is not a suave sexy latin charmer. I thought he was going to play Tattoo, running around in a baby cart yelling "the plane, the plane." Maggie Q exuded the elegance of a legend but had no chemistry with her token black family. Lucy Hale, sporting a disconcerting schnauzer cut, was too much. It was a total disrespect of a shitty show that entertained. 12-Jan-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Conspiracy Theory, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, False Action, Fatigue, Grating, Manipulation, Predictable, Preposterous, Scare Obvious, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Tacky

Filed under: Movies

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12-Jan-2021


We Can Be Heroes (2020) Bites

It's a kid's film. There are kids in it. It looks like candy. It's stupid. You mean brilliant stupid? No I mean silly stupid. 29-Dec-2020

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Art Devoid, Baby Wrecks, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Coincidence Laden, Comedy, Conspiracy Theory, Corn, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Director Insanity, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, Grating, Over the Top, Political Satire, Preposterous, Revenge, Sad Effects, SciFi, Shrill Act, Silly, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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29-Dec-2020




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