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Last Duel, The (2021) Arf

Wife screams rape by hubby's bestie and rival. A trial and a duel decide their fate. The respect Ridley Scott expresses to the Middle Ages is not supported by Damon, Driver or Affleck. Ben is slimmed into a Prince Joffrey outfit with vocoder voice. Driver is a ready-made Rasputin with no magical powers. Damon lost his confidence and earnestness. The men don't belong. They are wise asses of modernity and circumstance. My X-ray vision caught smirks and college campus antics. Jodie Comer had the unfortunate task of reciprocating to two male lead green screens. Why show love for another when you can keep it for yourself. Ridly Scott has a fascination with effete kings. He should make a film all about them. 21-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Chemistry, Director's Touch, Drama, Gay Swatch, Political Satire, Predictable, Relationships, Revenge, Romance, Star Watt, Timid, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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21-Jan-2022


Below Deck (2013-) Howl

Captain Howdy

The charter was full of love. Rayna's rage on lack of respect was warranted. None of the heads demanded an explanation from Heather Stew. They had a trial without the accused being involved. Rayna stepped up and Stewie stepped down to kiss "new" Barbie ass. Deck Robin Hood didn't disappoint. He wore a thong, hoping something hard would latch onto it. Deck Robin has the ass of an 15 hour porpoise. Deck Precious couldn't deal. Not Bridgerton decided he can't stop looking. His ass is so pretty that only a black girl with rage issues can slam it... or Captain Daddy. Deck Robin Hood tried on all types of hoods for me. How did he know? Deck Robin and Stewie got engaged. Captain Daddy promises to eat some ass next week, if all doesn't go well. I hope Deck Robin Hood fucks up. 17-Jan-2022
Eye rolling is what gets black people fired. 11-Jan-2022
Jaws continued onboard to be negated timely food dosages and to receive catty snares from her own charter. Nobody appreciated that she was wired shut to get rid of the ugly fat that turns off prospective husbands. Heather Stew apologized to Rayna Rage for using the n-word that is so popular amongst black people. Rayna accepted the apology only to rage later on. She also pondered why white people stereotyped black people after five rages. Stewie pretended gays aren't devious whores by acting like one. Rayna Rage blew up her love triangle by inviting Stewie to watch her fuck Deck Robin Hood. Deck Robin Hood has an intoxicating fish baby smell. Rayna Rage's pussy beat one tiny white boy dick to the fishbone. The crew left the boat so Captain Daddy could get blown privately. Deck Precious got spooked by a spider, landed on my lap and proved all things are possible. Mooooah! 04-Jan-2022
It was a Jaw Charter. What Reagan did to Nancy to stop her from accidentally sucking spy dick. That's why she was so thin. It was a charter with no sense. Lockjaw was treated like every child with a handicap. Last. Captain Daddy pretended to be mad at Deck Precious when he stood up for his lazy blackx crew. Stew Poppins booked when she realized she was normal. Nobody cares why you have lockjaw (wink, wink, men) we just care to watch you choke. 20-Dec-2021
An incest charter made it onboard. Daughter saw daddy's massive dick and thought that exposing her boobs constantly would up her inheritance. Men of other species do not flirt with blackx females unless they're ready to TNT their hole. She will fuck you up, otherwise. I know this for a fact. Nothing is a joke to Rayna Rage. She hurt uncle Eddie. I'm surprised she made it ashore with the lost footage intact. The only thing that would stop Stewie from meddling in an employee's mental heath business, is a big dick in his mouth. Can somebody please get Chef Loops drunk? I can eat her food at McDonalds. Get loops, bitch! Did Captain Daddy add fruit to his breakfast rocks? 13-Dec-2021
A tit charter was so infectious that it reminded Captain Daddy how much he likes Chef Loops' food. Chemistry. Eddie was so upset by his crew's performance that he beat them with rubber toys. A second blackx has been accused of being slow by a professional. Depressed people shouldn't be allowed to work on sexy boats. Stewie is still trying to stir trouble. Stew Heather doesn't know that no-nonsense tyranny equates employment withdrawal. No bountiful cheeks were served with dinner. Next week, Robin Hood. Please. 07-Dec-2021
Richie Rich threw it in every poor boy's face that money rocks. The succubus complained that Captain Daddy and her husband paid more attention to their lobsters than her. Deck Not Bridgerton is so deprived of love that he confused depressive stew whines as romantic. Stewie wasted his time obsessing over and judging the depressive one. The deck crew kept depositing plastic into the water. Heather Stew ran out of tongs. Celebrating the 80's is a way of reminding old people they sucked. Deck Robin Hood proved his masculinity by flirting with unavailable females, getting naked, tonguing Stewie and making Eddie sexually frustrated. Soft little pillows waiting for comfort. Eddie was saved from switching teams when his hair caught on fire. Sigh. Does this mean his children will be bald? Rayna Rage delighted at seeing soft little pillows prove himself a drunken sexual liar. Bitch recorded it. 30-Nov-2021
Stewie became the poster boy for gay marriage by declaring that all children are gross. Someone needs to assure Eddie that some gay fucks are like vaccines. Bridgerton not. We bow to Rayna of controlled rage. All the pretty birds flocked to deck Robin Hood. One of Richie Rich's succubus "fake followed" Captain Daddy to his quarters. She came with dinner. Fucking slit. 23-Nov-2021
S9E4. A pig charter were doing a bang-up job humiliating themselves with liquor and inconsequential shit until Captain Daddy told them to cut it out. They needed parental discipline. Go figure. Rayna made out with Deck Robin Hood. Deck Robin got promoted. Rayna did not like it when he insinuated she shut her mouth and do better work. It made Rayna Rage hop out of the closet. Stewie must have smelt available dick onboard because he stepped up. Rayna made out with Stewie and Robin to prove a future point. "He's gay. I knew it!" 19-Nov-2021
S9E1. The crew does everything to fuck up a charter of black female Republicans. Captain Howdy fills in for Captain Daddy. Chef Loops is still serving nonsense along with great food. Second Stew Stewie sucked at his job and accused the Republicans of threatening him with violence. The boys invented a "Hoe" song to honor Lady Deck. Heather Stew "cunt be bothered" serving the rich's every whim. Deck Bridgerton needs to keep quiet and take his shirt off. Rayna needs to do the dishes and not complain. Eddie squishes mightiest when he's pining for daddy. 17-Nov-2021

Tags: 2010s, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Funny, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Real, Silly, Sweet, Tacky, Wit Snit

Filed under: TV

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17-Jan-2022


Eternals (2021) Arf

Zhao contributes "beauty of art" and serenity to the MCU. The actors are sound comic book cutouts defying gravity with little purpose. A Galactus of significance would have created the conflict that Gods favor and audiences delight in. There was a sameness to the threat, a sadness to the truth and no color for the future. 13-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Cold, Comic Book, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Fantasy, Gay Swatch, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Pretty, Sentimental, Star Watt, Timid, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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13-Jan-2022


Eyes Of Tammy Faye, The (2021) Woof

It's cold on facts and quick with details. Two fascinating humans aligning to make the world a better place for themselves, remain enigmas. They let go of reality and rode a magic horse to success. Magic horses need water so they steal some from neighboring lands. Lands dry up and competitors get suspicious. Jessica has brilliant moments when spiritually linked to the original but defaults to herself when Tammy Faye does nothing spectacular. There was no Faye spin on song or yell. Jessica completed a very difficult job. Andrew Garfield instantly reminded me of the Jim Bakker I thought I forgot. He was excellent. What happened with the kids? 13-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Bio, Camp, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Drama, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Magnetism, Relationships, Sentimental, Star Watt, Timid, Touching, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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13-Jan-2022


Joe Millionaire: For Richer Or Poorer (2022-) Woof

It took two bachelors to add up to one Joe Millionaire. The original's historical "slurp around the world" was magnificence. My pecker picked the poor one until I got to know him then I switched. Tarzan hair is fun but he's such a pendejo. He has no sexual entitlement. Cowboy Cheeky is fuckable in a Chucky kind of way. He has a bubbly ass. In my day, they would have called the contestants, escapees from mental institutions. A desperate "housewife to be" decides to wear the same dress as another contestant. Neither chose to "rock" the shitty dress and left it up to the millionaire to decide which tacky slut filled it the least. It depends how gay the men are. Black girl gets drunk and starts feeling used. She goes on a rant. White girls are not having it so they plot. Mothers of America. Shame on You! You've turned your daughters into dumb sluts competing for basic. Original Joe hands. Classic. 10-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Brutal, Comfort Food, Cowboy, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Emasculating, Fake, Fun Acting, Funny, Gay Swatch, Hilarious, Over the Top, Overcooked, Pitchy, Predictable, Preposterous, Psychological, Reality, Revenge, Romance, Scary, Showy, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Tough, Wit Crack, Words Spoke, Writ Funny, Writ Tough

Filed under: TV

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10-Jan-2022


Hype House (2021-) Arf

A bunch of "could haves" combine business interests with personal relationships. The scheme collapses as soon as a "could have" becomes an "almost." The group may be responsible for creating a Beyonce but Beyonce owes them nothing. The commonality is that all the victims have been emotionally denied by someone important. The babies get lots of attention and money for doing very little. They are the future prostitute. Head twink is going ballistic because his partner is becoming famous and he's looking older. Connive he must. A bowl of white pretty boys, a plate of girls swooning and mouthfuls of queer things exaggerating everything, are the shared focus. Gay bleached boy calls out trans bestie for acting black on social media even though he's black and acts Puerto Rican. His gay friends are white who act black and can't be bothered with full drag. The trans pays to make her fantasies come true but is the loneliest. She can't afford to be real. The babies live in fear of cancellation. The pretty white twinks rule the roost with confidence and the thought that they will eventually get cooked, burnt and flamed out. No success in the world can replace the scars their families placed on them. It's the kids turn to tell parents how they're doing. "Yo, they fucked up and we're going to tell the whole world." If they're not happy now, they never will be. These are the great grandparents of the people Adam Mckay wants to save. Ha! 08-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Camp, Cliche, Corn, Crapfun, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Gay, Gay Swatch, Political, Predictable, Pretty, Reality, Relationships, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Wit Crack, Wit Snit

Filed under: TV

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08-Jan-2022


Maude (1972-1978) Full Moon

S1 & 2. Maude was the perfect feminist. She wasn't afraid to let a man speak, weighed the options, argued them and resolved it like a scientific adult. Maude didn't need to win every argument. It wasn't necessary. The point of an argument is to be heard. She recognized a man's shortcomings and was willing to stroke it for peace. Bea Arthur was a force of wit, sarcasm, genius understanding and distribution. Adrienne Barbeau put the lib in life and the fighter in mother whilst shaking her gorgeous bon bons. She was a thespian. Conrad Bain understood why doctors are supposed to be stupid and funny. Rue McClanahan was giggly and neurotic before she became a slut. Bill Macy was the perfect foil because he was married to the perfect feminist and he had something to shout about. Forida (Esther Rolle) was so intoxicating that she blows away in season two to be upstaged by a stupid clown. Women are fighting to be equal to men they can't stand. It fits our time zone and it scratches my funny bone. I hope that when Betty made it to heaven that Bea was standing there to congratulate her. ("Kindness nullifies bitch, every single time.") 06-Jan-2022

Tags: 1970s, Best In Comedy, Brutal, Camp, Chemistry, Classic, Comedy, Director Art, Enthusiastic, Fun, Fun Acting, Gay Swatch, Great Acting, Greatness, Heart Writ, Hilarious, Magic, Magnetism, Music Rocks, Sentimental, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Sweet, Tacky, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Funny, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight, Writ Tough, Writer's Peak

Filed under: TV

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06-Jan-2022


Encanto (2021) Arf

Abuelita sacrifices her husband to magic and gets a brand new house. The house is alive with sorcery, the family is gifted with trickery and the town thrives on bountiful happiness. Men are useless and goofy. Women are Amazonian of the nosey kind. They only get into trouble when they walk into it. The voice cast is dreamy but Lin-Manuel Miranda's music is back to infect my ears with disjointed melodies. I couldn't hang on to any musical notes because more confusing ones replaced them. He's taking our ears back to when we were babies adopting to hearing. Goo goo ga ga sounded like a song but it wasn't. The film was culturally unidentifiable as the latinos were nondescript living in fairy tale land with one family under God, controlling the whole town like the mafia. TG climate change arrives to kill their magic. Kudos to the voice actors and the artists. 30-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Animation, Chemistry, Cultural, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Fatigue, Fun, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Voice Act, Heart Writ, Music Murders, Relationships, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Vague, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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30-Dec-2021


Pinocchio (2019) Bites

Someone thought that realizing one of the most horrifying fairy tales to live film was a whimsical idea. The director wastes little time on magic and spends most of it on ugliness. He realized all the threats in a boy's life and all the insanity of the myth. A boy that really isn't a boy is considered a genderless fuck opportunity. Pedos prefer gender non-specific children because it's the baby smell they're after. Pinocchio is the perfect victim. Unique, beautiful, stupid, excited, rebellious and cooperative. The puppet gets enslaved, murdered, robbed, betrayed, hated, abused and exploited. Pinocchio cannot become a boy because his ADD doesn't allow him to sit still long enough to accept love and he's kind of an asshole. I'd be an asshole too if I were created to give hugs and tickles to ugly men. Oops, I was! The director rushes through plot points and changes nothing to make the ordeal acceptable. Why does wood eat? Why doesn't he rust or flake? What is the fairy's deal? His growing nose is a hard-on, not a lie. Jiminy Cricket sucked. It's a horror movie. Becoming a boy only grants him a hole. The world around him still sucks. 29-Dec-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Action, Brutal, Creepy, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Indecipherable, Mean Spirited, Preposterous, Scary, Tacky, Tough, Trashy, Twinkie, Violent, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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29-Dec-2021


Twentysomethings: Austin (2021-) Arf

Natalie's boytoy grabbed and ghosted. I knew he was an asshole when she asked him for a selfie and he gave her side face so no one could recognize him. He disrespected her when he arrived late to the party, fast grabbed, slept and ran. She wondered why she got ghosted. Dearest, he ghosted you because you couldn't wait. She has to stay in Austin because when her papi watches her boning footage he's going to explode. Kamari slapped Raquel's ass so hard that she opened her doors for him. Doorman! 29-Dec-2021
S1E8. Natalie blamed Abbey for stealing the man she was "interested" in. The golden surfer was going to pick Abbey or Oscar (the "make believe" boyfriend of Keano.) A person cannot make themselves anyone's first choice if the pecker isn't even pointing at them. Oscar wanted some camera time and to see if any of the cis men would get it on with him. He got a free COVID test. Abbey is a destructive beauty whose ice caps are melting at an exponential rate. I miss the pretty boy. He was endearingly sad. 28-Dec-2021
S1E7. Pretty super jock gave up on his roommates because they couldn't ease his sexual discomfort. Isha realized that the path to success has to include an American pendejo willing to part with his money. Austin may be open to sexuality but not to other cultures. Kamari came to fuck anything and everything. Raquel is a "doorman" and a lousy friend. Abbey needs medicine. Keano needs a million dollars to survive gay world. 28-Dec-2021
S1E4. Something to watch when your brain cells need a rest. The younglings appear to have strong familial support but have minimal life skills. It's a house full of Red Riding Hoods. No wolves, grandmas or conflict. 25-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Amiable, Dating, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Reality, Relationships, Words Spoke

Filed under: TV

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29-Dec-2021


tick, tick...BOOM! (2001) Whimper

Spider-man split open his asshole and we tasted it. The flavors were acidic and international. Like a caesar salad. Miranda covers an artist that succeeded without musicality because he's an artist that also succeeds without it. When did Spider-Man become Doc from "Back To The Future?" Andrew is its good thing, Robin de Jesus is a missed opportunity and Judith Light was too jewish. Vanessa Hudgens was the only artist that understood the piece of crap she was in and relaxed to our enjoyment. Bad music and immature storytelling equal forgotten art. 24-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Bio, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Gay Swatch, Music Murders, Musical, Over the Top, Preposterous, Relationships, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Ugly Art, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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24-Dec-2021


Queen Bees (2021) Whimper

A "These Old Broads" rip. Parents only know how to parent children. Grandma cannot prove that she is self-sufficient. Family and an accident coerce her into a senior home where conversion therapy for the dying (bffs) and medical staff await. It's a high school for broken bones. The writers applied one word descriptions to their legends. They are characterized as "extreme" (Burstyn), "cranky bitch" (Curtain), "sex kitten" (Ann-Margret), and "why the fuck are you here?" (Devine.) These women have accumulated enough historical fanfare to study and for writers to create great characters. Adding something personal would have reminded us why these ladies are great but instead they minimized them. Ellen Burstyn is a powerhouse, Jane Curtain is a Jane, bitch, Ann-Margret is a tiger and Tina Turner is a legacy. Oh. That wasn't Tina Turner? But she's Ann's friend. Oh. 21-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Predictable, Sap, Silly, Star Watt, Timid

Filed under: Movies

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21-Dec-2021


These Old Broads (2001) Arf

It was a spectacular low-budget showcase with a supreme cast and some artistic expression. The legends reminded us how they became, how time forgives and that they can still entertain. Fisher added pepper to her words. Sometimes, overly, with a sting. She made a legend apologize to her parental legend for being a treacherous whore bestie who stole their daddy. Elizabeth did it and it was a beautiful moment. Deep, full and roomy describe "broad." The film's walls were made out of gingerbread though and the icing kept sliding. The com got sticky. I didn't care. I loved hearing legends call each other whores. It made me feel human. 20-Dec-2021

Tags: 2000s, Adorable, Camp, Celebrity, Chemistry, Comfort Food, Crapfun, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fun, Fun Acting, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Magnetism, Relationships, Sentimental, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Sweet, Touching, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Funny, Writ Tough, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: TV

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20-Dec-2021


Love Never Lies (2021-) Woof

S1E7. Tall pretty stick accused the game of being rigged when the technology caught him lying. Hostess Divine pulled out a bullwhip and turned his stallion cock into a puppy's. You don't fuck with mama or Netflix shows. You cheating asshole. Most everyone pretended it was a vacation where lying and misconduct gets forgotten. Love exists because we need it to, not because it is. 14-Dec-2021
S1E6. Unmasking love is seeing a most ugly bitch. 13-Dec-2021
S1E2. These fuckers are serious. They bank money when they tell the truth. Amounts are deducted for lies. The game has separated the partners into two groups. Villa Panic Attack gets to watch their mates finagle temptation in Whore Villa. To keep the alone group in a state of anxiety our divine hostess shows them a video of their partner intermingling with exes, stalkers and professionals. After gaining their interest she seduces them into watching a prime video that contains the nasty stuff. But, it will cost them. The gays are sad. The heeled one is living a fantasy with a man who doesn't care. His partner tried itemizing the men he sexually stalked online but he couldn't count that high. He was giddy from the twink they hired to give him hope. The alone partner gets to watch the videos with their housemates. Reactions are perceptive. They call out the bullshit, cry over confessions, make cute funny, rally around the broken hearted and rage at the whores. 03-Dec-2021
S1E1. Lying whores compete to tell the truth, stop fucking and prove to their partners they are worthy. Mental breakdowns in paradise. A tall pretty stick gave his partner a panic attack by lying three times after one question, the gays always lie when confronted with the truth, a boyfriend fessed to not getting aroused by his girlfriend's paraglider fashion and the hostess is creepily divine. I'm in. 02-Dec-2021

Tags: Daddy Squish, Foreign, Fun, Funny, Game Show, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Relationships, Sex, Wit Crack, Words Spoke, Writ Funny

Filed under: TV

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14-Dec-2021


Power Of The Dog, The (2021) Whimper

There is no dog in sight. Teen with effeminate ways grabs the attention of the town bully and gets a crush on him. Son is subjected to alpha humiliation that gives him a hard-on which makes mother heartbroken yet keeps boy obsessed with tempting the savage. She marries the bully's brother and moves into the bully's home where he finishes her son off. Cumberbatch has no idea what a cowboy is. He jangles and jingles with exaggerated sounds of the west and comical highwaters but only his butt stood out. His pronunciation of "fatso" held no effect because he didn't know what the fuck it was. It's not a fact, it's a genial insult. His slow drawl compensates for an accent with no attachment to history. He is miscast because the safety of the participants prevails great art. No one is going to take a chance on a toxic male presence for reality's sake. Rick from The Walking Dead would have made a savage cowboy. Jane Campion is obsessed with certain keys of the piano and noises that no one else finds comforting. Kirsten Dunst would have given an award worthy performance if someone had written her one. Her character is scattered and listless. Hiring a tall boy doesn't diminish the film going Brokeback with a child. The film may not consummate it but we're not stupid. Jane Campion spends so much time lingering that the thought is lost. 06-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Depressing, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Inactivity, Preposterous, Relationships, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, Too Long, Vague

Filed under: Movies

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06-Dec-2021




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