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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Gay Swatch'

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X (2022) Whimper

The idea of renting a house from senior landlords living on the property, in the 70s, to shoot a secret porn film plays ludicrously. It opens stinking of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and ends up vomit. This is an auteur's movie. The porn they were creating was supposed to be art. It was another porn stinker. 2 hours of three girls and a cock. The film would've played better as background for orgies. Seniors were represented as Tales From The Crypt old. Ick. Fear of getting old and losing control of sex and the joys that come with it. It stopped smelling like Chainsaw as soon as it tasted like Jaws and went down like Friday the 13th Part Three in 3D. 25-Nov-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Brutal, Camp, Creepy, Director Insanity, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Silly, Tacky, Trashy, Violent, Weird

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25-Nov-2022


Falling For Christmas (2022) Whimper

The good news: LL got her mojo back, the bad news: it's a stinker.

Oops, this is the poster for the sequel. 18-Nov-2022

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Corn, Enthusiastic, Funny, Gay Swatch, Holiday, Manipulation, Music: Disposable Soundtrack, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Romance, Sap, Timid, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

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18-Nov-2022


Martyrs (2008) Bites

The only way women can see the light is if they get punished for being women. The opener cues you in, the orphanage grants the characters humanity, the grown up versions are psychotic, the violence is pukey and the horror is inane. The more intimate the story, the bigger the chills. Here, the bigger the story, the more impossible it sounds. I do not get off on seeing women beat and suffering endlessly esp. for stupid reasons, but I realized that lesbians might. The film avoids sex as a respect to all women. Dude, I'd rather go back in time and get raped again than suffer through this. 17-Oct-2022

Tags: 2000s, Creepy, Depressing, Director Insanity, Drama, Eye Gouge, Fatigue, Foreign, Gay Swatch, Gory, Grating, Horror, Manipulation, Over the Top, Preposterous, Psychological, Revenge, Suspense, Tough, Trashy, Violent

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17-Oct-2022


Hellraiser (2022) Woof

Women commanding the gates of hell with a distorted Vogue look. The story is simple, shoots straight and pummels. Beauty is desecrated, the mind becomes distorted, anyone can be a sacrifice and the victims can fight back. The box has personality, the characters supply empathy and the deaths are nerve rackingly clever. Make-up, costume and effects wowed. A lady Pinhead origin story with lots of sex and violence would be most welcome. 09-Oct-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action Fun, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Director's Achievement, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Fun, Gay Swatch, Good Idea, Horror, Hot Swatch, Inspired, Music Swings, Relationships, Scary, Star Watt, Suspense, Thriller, Tough, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

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09-Oct-2022


Girlfriend Who Didn't Exist, The (2022) Whimper

Grandiose liars are given the opportunity to elaborate. Famous cis boys that call social contacts girlfriends, without intimacy, are unwell. Fake girl can do a pitch perfect girl's voice (behind a screen and a receiver up his asshole) except when he's becoming a real girl. Famous boy is living for everyone but himself. The doc doesn't clarify much. 23-Aug-2022

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Cultural, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Documentary, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Indecipherable, Manipulation, Preposterous, Silly, Trashy

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23-Aug-2022


Mucho, Mucho Amor (2020) Howl

When we were growing up he was a fixture and an idea that sexually ambiguous people exist but to our family they were just closeted gays. Walter Mercado was a creation of a person that wanted to reflect passion, joy and pain. Audiences were passionate about his joy but never questioned his pain. In the end, we get to see why. "He was the last virgin in Puerto Rico." 24-Jun-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Director's Slice, Documentary, Drama, Fun, Funny, Gay Swatch, Sentimental, Star Watt, Tough, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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24-Jun-2022


Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021) Arf

The mood is retro energized to soothe us into an 80's coma. There are three sexes applied to Bizarro Chalamet and I can't get over it. Daddy Rudd endured the right cosmetic procedure because he's yummy gay again except he was stupid, useless and shoed. The wall between the generations discouraged charisma amongst the replacements. There was a don't touch me vibe with babies helming a gimmick that keeps the franchise alive but old movie stars resentful. Why do possessed lizards change their outfits willy nilly but man has to suffer in shreds? The first half works because we presume the artist will add a great spin to propel the magic and replace original mistakes. He makes it more of the same. Reitman copies the spins with advanced tech but he doesn't sign off on it. 20-May-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Chemistry, Comedy, Corn, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Funny, Gay Swatch, Indecipherable, Loud, Psychological, Relationships, Sap, SciFi, Slow, Star Watt, Sweet, Thriller, Timid, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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20-May-2022


Parallel Mothers (2021) Arf

When Almodovar embraces Hitchcockian ambience it is sublime but when he attempts a Spielbergian signature it deprives the film of a punch. Two mothers, both strangers share a common thread that conflicts with their lives. Even though the outcome is easy to determine, the presentation is a shivering buildup. Penelope Cruz maintains her hold until Almodovar gives up. Her mother doesn't crumble as the film's psychology implies. She wraps it up without a challenge. The ending is part Schindler's List and part Indiana Jones/Jurassic Park. I welcome a latin Spielberg inspiration with cheeky heroes and dinosaurs but I can't forgive a spanish mother that doesn't wreck. A spanish mother is the T-Rex of emotion. 23-Apr-2022

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Foreign: Spanish, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Music Swings, Mystery, Predictable, Psychological, Relationships, Sentimental, Star Watt, Timid, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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23-Apr-2022


Batman, The (2022) Arf

The Batman is the only character that suits up. How lonely for him. He's always the freak. The support enact realistic iterations of characters that lit up Batman's mythology to absolutely no effect. The Riddler is a demented teen who was brought up by an unfunny father who worked the mines. The riddles were blah. There is no Riddler without a tight body suit, a tight body and demented cynicism. Daddy Farrell wasted a lot of time in makeup, creating art out of a role that doesn't belong. He is not penguin. I didn't see any top hats, monocles or bullet umbrellas. Michelle Pfeiffer's reign as the best film Catwoman cannot be extinguished. Zoe is an everyday gorgeous girl not a cat. Her cowl is just as cheap and unintelligible as I expected. Her lack of meow hurts. Commissioner Gordon was a lackey. Everything was eeeeewww and he was always waiting for Batman to finish things up for him. Daddy Turturro knew exactly what the director wanted and gave it to us. Alfred and Bruce's interaction was rude. The parental bond was cold. Why hire an Aunt Harriet if she's not going to be an Aunt Harriet? That might have been fun. Oops. Sorry. Fun not allowed. The Twins were cute. Robert Pattinson is the glue you want to stick to because he makes you ponder how his beautifully broken humanity can create life from something he hates. I saw love in Zoe's face when she looked at him. I saw panty dropping aloofness register from his. Batman's narration doesn't mesh with toxic revenge. The moments he celebrated were my cringe. This isn't Batman. He doesn't laud himself or others. He's a lonely motherfucker that hates the world because he lost mommy and daddy to crime and got stuck in a mansion with a pervy butler. Batman's detective work failed from a lack of gadget magic. Yeah! Rich angry fucks love gadgets. Matt Reeves strikes potent pictures but was entrapped by a franchise that is petrified of its origins. The man/woman who gives us comic book Batman with realistic choices will become King of The World. What's the point of hiding in the shadows if everyone can hear you? 18-Apr-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Cliche, Comic Book, Director Movement, Gay Swatch, Mystery, Psychological, Sentimental, Star Watt, Thriller, Too Long, TV-like, Weird, Wit Crack, Words Spoke

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18-Apr-2022


Halloween Kills (2021) Arf

Oops. Laurie and Mike are not the brother and sister alluded to in Halloween 2. It was a myth and a modern waste of a great arc. 21-Mar-2022
It assembled an historically amiable and able cast. Laurie Strode wasn't it's focus and I accepted that. There will always be a boogeyman stalking baby breaths and heroes willing to fight to keep them that way. The remembrances are welcome, the music is everything, the recreations worked but the constant reminder of Mike Myer's significance was hokey. The presentation screamed mythology over-identification. Michael Myers craned his neck in sympathy when he watched victims die. He ignored some but not others. It's tacky to make him talk but WTF? Is he a robot? I want to know what he's thinking. Give him voiceover thoughts or grunts. A showdown is brewing between brother and sister. It would be appropriate that before judgment is cast upon him that we get to hear his interpretation. 01-Mar-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Classic, Crapfun, Creepy, Director's Touch, Drama, Fun, Gay Swatch, Horror, Music Swings, Political Satire, Relationships, Revenge, Scary, Shrill Act, Star Watt, Suspense, Twisty, Violent, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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21-Mar-2022


Green Knight, The (2020) Arf

A scary Christmas tree disrupts the holiday of a royal court by suggesting a game. The tree will sacrifice its life if the hero taking it, returns the kindness a year later. The bastard son who has only been acknowledged this Christmas, volunteers. He becomes a celebrated knight who downed a beast that will eventually down him but is enjoying the best year of his life. The fairytale has no significance. Magic appears without explanation. The voyage is gorgeously dull. The director casts some beautiful shadows and illuminates good acting but confirming that all mistakes in life repeat themselves is depressing. 16-Mar-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Director's Achievement, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Music Swings, Preposterous, Relationships, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Weird, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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16-Mar-2022


Humoresque (1946) Howl

Like Batman I focused on a minor detail that should have gotten someone fired and the picture burnt. Ms. Crawford's leg looks beat up. Is it make-up? Is it black nail polish? Did she fall down a flight of stairs? Are those surgery scars? Is that why she's sitting? Was she secretly dirty? It looks awful. 14-Mar-2022
Should you expect payback for endorsing a genius? The film ponders it and applies solutions. John Garfield was born to play broke hot daddies with genius and obsessive compulsions. Joan Crawford always "manned up" to cure them. Ms. Crawford was almost comical until she put on a pair of glasses and blossomed into a bona fide artist. It was classic thespian. The parents' interjection seemed appropriate to the traditions of a hard working family. The family worked to establish a genius and survive. Mama and papa were the mama and papa that lucky children got. Papa looked out while mama cared a lot. Flashbacks were insightful. Ms. Crawford was fashionably tailored to her specifications. The story happens. Oscar Levant was the wisecracking loser that coasted from genius because he failed on his own. He spoke the uncomfortable words the "damned" never listened to because he wasn't "hot." Funny. 04-Mar-2022

Tags: 1940s, Chemistry, Classic, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Director's Art, Drama, Elegance, Fun, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Magnetism, Music Swings, Relationships, Sentimental, Star Watt, Trashy, Twisty, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight, Writing Reigns

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14-Mar-2022


Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013) Arf

Apt sequel that glamorizes its predecessor and makes Leatherface a hero. It's a chill, spook and gay spectacular. 06-Mar-2022

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Stomper, Brutal, Camp, Crapfun, Creepy, Director's Achievement, Drama, Enthusiastic, Gay Swatch, Horror, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Over the Top, Porn Violence, Scary, Sequel, Stupid Funny, Tough, Trashy, Twisty, Violent, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

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06-Mar-2022


Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) Bites

Scripting black people to complain about cops and confederate flags is not thoughtful. Killing all the black actors anyway, is not giving a shit. Making me confused about female sexuality is a useless gay time thing. Leatherface is nothing without family dependability. He was the icing on the family cake. A family that celebrated meat, farming and death. Icing without cake is a blob. 22-Feb-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Cultural, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Over the Top, Porn Violence, Preachy, Repetitive, Retread, Scare Obvious, Shrill Act, Silly, Tacky, Trashy, Wit Crack

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22-Feb-2022


Diary Of A Madman (1963) Woof

Hordas are turning confused souls into killers. Hordas are hard to describe. They are ghostly, invisible, well-spoken, manipulating, manly and turn your eyes green before possessing you to avenge their thirst. Vincent Price is a magistrate trying to rehabilitate a killer Horda being legally beheaded because of incriminating evidence. The killer confesses to murder but not being himself. His eyes turn green and threatens a Horda curse. Price fights for his life and accidentally kills him. Price becomes distraught. Things at home are out of place and he's having Venom type conversations with a Horda that lost its home. Counseling convinces him to leave law and punishment and return to sculpting. His first love before his wife and child died. A married goldigger entices Mr. Price to model for him. The bitch that tried to steal Darrin Stephens from Samantha is the model. As soon as she sniffs how affordability can accommodate luxury, her panties wet faster than his clay and her "hot" "poor" husband becomes a blur. The green eye effect is hilarious. It's someone flashing a green light on the actor's eyes and being effective if they never move. They move. They're actors! It's a niche. Gay daddy clinches his part and makes us imagine the rest. "I imagined what kind of gay sex Mr. Price preferred. He definitely smoked like a bandit but I didn't smell much ass action." 16-Feb-2022

Tags: 1960s, Camp, Chemistry, Classic, Conspiracy Theory, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Drama, Fun, Funny, Gay Swatch, Horror, Inspired, Magnetism, Music Swings, Relationships, Suspense, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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16-Feb-2022




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