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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Gay Swatch'

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Eternals (2021) Arf

Zhao contributes "beauty of art" and serenity to the MCU. The actors are sound comic book cutouts defying gravity with little purpose. A Galactus of significance would have created the conflict that Gods favor and audiences delight in. There was a sameness to the threat, a sadness to the truth and no color for the future. 13-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Cold, Comic Book, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Fantasy, Gay Swatch, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Pretty, Sentimental, Star Watt, Timid, Words Spoke

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13-Jan-2022


Eyes Of Tammy Faye, The (2021) Woof

It's cold on facts and quick with details. Two fascinating humans aligning to make the world a better place for themselves, remain enigmas. They let go of reality and rode a magic horse to success. Magic horses need water so they steal some from neighboring lands. Lands dry up and competitors get suspicious. Jessica has brilliant moments when spiritually linked to the original but defaults to herself when Tammy Faye does nothing spectacular. There was no Faye spin on song or yell. Jessica completed a very difficult job. Andrew Garfield instantly reminded me of the Jim Bakker I thought I forgot. He was excellent. What happened with the kids? 13-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Bio, Camp, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Drama, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Magnetism, Relationships, Sentimental, Star Watt, Timid, Touching, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

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13-Jan-2022


Encanto (2021) Arf

Abuelita sacrifices her husband to magic and gets a brand new house. The house is alive with sorcery, the family is gifted with trickery and the town thrives on bountiful happiness. Men are useless and goofy. Women are Amazonian of the nosey kind. They only get into trouble when they walk into it. The voice cast is dreamy but Lin-Manuel Miranda's music is back to infect my ears with disjointed melodies. I couldn't hang on to any musical notes because more confusing ones replaced them. He's taking our ears back to when we were babies adopting to hearing. Goo goo ga ga sounded like a song but it wasn't. The film was culturally unidentifiable as the latinos were nondescript living in fairy tale land with one family under God, controlling the whole town like the mafia. TG climate change arrives to kill their magic. Kudos to the voice actors and the artists. 30-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Animation, Chemistry, Cultural, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Fatigue, Fun, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Voice Act, Heart Writ, Music Murders, Relationships, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Vague, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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30-Dec-2021


Pinocchio (2019) Bites

Someone thought that realizing one of the most horrifying fairy tales to live film was a whimsical idea. The director wastes little time on magic and spends most of it on ugliness. He realized all the threats in a boy's life and all the insanity of the myth. A boy that really isn't a boy is considered a genderless fuck opportunity. Pedos prefer gender non-specific children because it's the baby smell they're after. Pinocchio is the perfect victim. Unique, beautiful, stupid, excited, rebellious and cooperative. The puppet gets enslaved, murdered, robbed, betrayed, hated, abused and exploited. Pinocchio cannot become a boy because his ADD doesn't allow him to sit still long enough to accept love and he's kind of an asshole. I'd be an asshole too if I were created to give hugs and tickles to ugly men. Oops, I was! The director rushes through plot points and changes nothing to make the ordeal acceptable. Why does wood eat? Why doesn't he rust or flake? What is the fairy's deal? His growing nose is a hard-on, not a lie. Jiminy Cricket sucked. It's a horror movie. Becoming a boy only grants him a hole. The world around him still sucks. 29-Dec-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Action, Brutal, Creepy, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Indecipherable, Mean Spirited, Preposterous, Scary, Tacky, Tough, Trashy, Twinkie, Violent, Weird

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29-Dec-2021


tick, tick...BOOM! (2001) Whimper

Spider-man split open his asshole and we tasted it. The flavors were acidic and international. Like a caesar salad. Miranda covers an artist that succeeded without musicality because he's an artist that also succeeds without it. When did Spider-Man become Doc from "Back To The Future?" Andrew is its good thing, Robin de Jesus is a missed opportunity and Judith Light was too jewish. Vanessa Hudgens was the only artist that understood the piece of crap she was in and relaxed to our enjoyment. Bad music and immature storytelling equal forgotten art. 24-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Bio, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Gay Swatch, Music Murders, Musical, Over the Top, Preposterous, Relationships, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Timid, Ugly Art, Weird

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24-Dec-2021


Queen Bees (2021) Whimper

A "These Old Broads" rip. Parents only know how to parent children. Grandma cannot prove that she is self-sufficient. Family and an accident coerce her into a senior home where conversion therapy for the dying (bffs) and medical staff await. It's a high school for broken bones. The writers applied one word descriptions to their legends. They are characterized as "extreme" (Burstyn), "cranky bitch" (Curtain), "sex kitten" (Ann-Margret), and "why the fuck are you here?" (Devine.) These women have accumulated enough historical fanfare to study and for writers to create great characters. Adding something personal would have reminded us why these ladies are great but instead they minimized them. Ellen Burstyn is a powerhouse, Jane Curtain is a Jane, bitch, Ann-Margret is a tiger and Tina Turner is a legacy. Oh. That wasn't Tina Turner? But she's Ann's friend. Oh. 21-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Predictable, Sap, Silly, Star Watt, Timid

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21-Dec-2021


Power Of The Dog, The (2021) Whimper

There is no dog in sight. Teen with effeminate ways grabs the attention of the town bully and gets a crush on him. Son is subjected to alpha humiliation that gives him a hard-on which makes mother heartbroken yet keeps boy obsessed with tempting the savage. She marries the bully's brother and moves into the bully's home where he finishes her son off. Cumberbatch has no idea what a cowboy is. He jangles and jingles with exaggerated sounds of the west and comical highwaters but only his butt stood out. His pronunciation of "fatso" held no effect because he didn't know what the fuck it was. It's not a fact, it's a genial insult. His slow drawl compensates for an accent with no attachment to history. He is miscast because the safety of the participants prevails great art. No one is going to take a chance on a toxic male presence for reality's sake. Rick from The Walking Dead would have made a savage cowboy. Jane Campion is obsessed with certain keys of the piano and noises that no one else finds comforting. Kirsten Dunst would have given an award worthy performance if someone had written her one. Her character is scattered and listless. Hiring a tall boy doesn't diminish the film going Brokeback with a child. The film may not consummate it but we're not stupid. Jane Campion spends so much time lingering that the thought is lost. 06-Dec-2021

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Depressing, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Inactivity, Preposterous, Relationships, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, Too Long, Vague

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06-Dec-2021


Bruised (2021) Whimper

The film describes a violent female as a failed mother/wife/child whose rage needs to be re-directed towards a profit. A killer that knows when to stop is a champion. They don't fight to save the world but themselves. Halle's fighter is homeless, negative and miserable. She keeps her feelings Eastwood. The boy's tongue was cut because he was either a lousy actor or the audience doesn't need to hear a black boy speak. Hispanics inherit black male stereotypes. Lesbian and mama were ready to sparkle but were given little illumination. It piles cliches without original thinking. I kept hoping she was a secretary with a hot lesbian boss. At least she would have been cute. 28-Nov-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Cultural, Depressing, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Macho Posing, Predictable, Relationships, Retread, Sap, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Wit Crack

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28-Nov-2021


He's All That (201) Whimper

Pleasant nothingness of youth. 06-Oct-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Coincidence Laden, Comedy, Corn, Drama, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Relationships, Retread, Romance, Timid, TV-like, Twinkie

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06-Oct-2021


Freaky (2020) Whimper

It might have been fun had everyone appeared as enervated as Vince Vaughn. 05-Sep-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Chemistry, Camp, Daddy Squish, Gay Swatch, Gore, Horror, Over the Top, Preposterous, Scare Obvious, Silly, Timid, Wit Crack

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05-Sep-2021


Saint Maud (2019) Whimper

An analogy of a woman that must reach the lower depths of hell/sex in order to achieve sainthood is only a thought. The film presents predictably with scares overwhelming thoughts. Writing creates a psychotic brain made of incomplete truths. The savior is full of god cum and icky vibes. She's a frustrated cis, wet by girl action. The saved is full of lesbian venom and privileged wit. 02-Aug-2021

Tags: 2010s, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Creepy, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Gay Swatch, Horror, Lesbian, Mystery, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Slow, Suspense, Tedium, Timid, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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02-Aug-2021


Shipwrecked (1990) Woof

Twinkster disinherits himself from family business after father is injured on a boat. He wants to prance around at home and live a gay lifestyle but poverty is on the horizon and evictions are forthcoming. The twinkster becomes a cabin boy and a hero on his way to becoming a man. The mystery is well-plotted and it connects with simple realities. Trials await all who become men and little orphan/stowaway girls have the experience to kick it with them. 16-Jul-2021

Tags: 1990s, Accidental Watch, Action, Action Fun, Baby Wrecks, Chemistry, Classic, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fun, Funny, Gay Swatch, Heart Writ, Music Swings, Mystery, Pretty, Sentimental, Star Watt, Tough, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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16-Jul-2021


Barb And Star Go To Buena Vista (2021) Arf

Unusually mild comedy about 2 "glue factory" pals realizing they can live life and talk at the same time. Wiig has difficulty transferring her TV magnitude to the big screen but her amiability is intact. McLendon adds bitchiness to her evil. Pretty boy Dornan had me checking for Alzheimer's and wanting earplugs every time his accent veered. The musical numbers fell flat due to lack of training. The only line that made me laugh was about Florida smelling like Red Lobster. The rest was a grab bag of immature silliness. It's not about anything. It's a Sesame Street friendship. 10-Jul-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Fantasy, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Preposterous, Romance, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

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10-Jul-2021


Johnny Guitar (1954) Woof

At no point did I strum for Johnny when Joan was the instrument. She cowboy'd up, accomplished some manly maneuvers, looked great, flicked her own and sent the lesbian and her male posse out to the western stratosphere. Pazuzu from "The Exorcist" (Mercedes McCambridge) was the town Karen, interfering in bisexual woman's business by inciting a mob of lawmen to protect the town from unclassified hedonism. Battle ensues as the lesbian pretends she has a soft spot for one of Joan's goons. "Bitch, there's only one man in the room and her name is Joan!" 08-Jul-2021

Tags: 1950s, Action, Action Fun, Camp, Chemistry, Classic, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Fun, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Music Swings, Pretty, Relationships, Star Watt, Suspense, Tough, Western, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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08-Jul-2021


False Positive (2021) Arf

Infertile wife visits an edgy clinic that promises results. Pierce Brosnan is the mad doctor whose business is to entertain women's fantasies. He's handsome, sketchy, with warm hands and a little bland. A snapchat into his perversion only made him normal. Justin Theroux was the pretty butterfly in the room. Ilana Glazer was miscast. She is not the type of woman to conform to a sexy suburban lifestyle, least of all, have friends, especially with that hair. Ms. Glazer seems like a representative of more important things. It's a scientific Rosemary's Baby without the devil or the scare. 27-Jun-2021

Tags: 2020s, Conspiracy Theory, Daddy Squish, Drama, Funny, Sort of, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Mystery, Political Satire, Relationships, Star Watt, Suspense, Weird, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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27-Jun-2021




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