No voice actor accomplished the spirit of the characters they were portraying and no artist brought forth the actors' sensibilities. Timon and Pumba didn't coagulate and were kind of icky. Being younger does not excuse Mufasa's studious voice. What college did he go to? There was no boom in his voice at all. Rafiki's accent was diluted which killed his character's strength and suppressed his charisma. Where was Scar's gay accent? The songs retracted more than they bounced, the animation creeped more than it amazed, and the story was blasphemous and weak. All this fuss over a lioness when Scar's real crush should have been Mufasa. The brother song was so inept that it made me furious every time they said brother. The bottom of the barrel. 11-Apr-2025

Dwayne Johnson's voice calmed me down, Scherzinger can belt one out, the songs weren't Nickelodeon worthy, the adventure is inanity that applied no sense and didn't teach the kids anything. Why do we always look to the past to celebrate a culture? In reality they would have cooked Pua at the first celebratory feast. The spiritualization represented is not feasible. It's full of nonsensical magic and bullshit. Disney's animated films have become babysitters for children and nap time for adults. The film takes cinema out of the equation. 17-Mar-2025

It's more of an exercise than it is an accomplishment. I stayed tuned because the man who cracks dicks with his ass is charming as fuck. None of the support matches him. The symbiotes' history did not have enough humanity to make me care. The action sequences depended heavily on coincidence. The chemistry between Mrs. Chen and Mr. Hardy was wasted. The threat was so surreal that it became mute. I stayed to memorize Hardy's butt but he didn't turn around much. 01-Mar-2025

Lindsay Lohan made me realize why charismatic actors lose their mojo. Are they uncomfortable and think that everyone is going to judge every word they say? Yes. I want her to flare up again. She's almost there. She needs a challenge. My favorite fairy legend wastes her magic on shitty lines. If the writers have nothing valid for her to say, let her sing. Ian Hardy was a trip. I couldn't place him. He was that cutie asshole that always irked me, for sure. Of course, he was the perverted teacher that dated his underage students on PLL. Every time he smirked he resurrected a part of Norman Bates. The idea that a woman would want to keep that she dated a Darren Stephens the Second type a secret was astonishing. Just because it's fluff doesn't mean we shouldn't try to say something. 02-Dec-2024

The child did extraordinary things, quoted words not associated with children and plagiarized previous strokes. The last minute saves were so expected that emotional attachment got lost. Melissa Barrera gave Faith from Buffy vibes. Dan Stevens was blank. The first surprise is like everything before it. Once the cat is out of the bag the movie falls into WB TV status. Yes, it was a surprise but a sucky one. 28-Nov-2024

I found a good reason for Frosty to be fit. A witch froze him a long long time ago, blah, blah, blah, he turned into a fat snowman because of the harsh weather and has been resurrected several times. The more he melts after resurrection affects how many more pounds he sheds in the next rebirth. He meets his end when he turns into a puddle, a 100 sequels and years later. 17-Nov-2024

Beautiful disaster. 04-Jun-2024

The film suffers from The Green Lantern and Quantum effect. If the creators wanted to take us to other worlds, the trip needed to be worth it. Skrulls with no power are obsolete. I think they took the green screen too literally. Most of the actors looked like they were talking to the back-heads of stand-ins or more green screens. The ladies became 3 instruments that didn't play well together. Distance was put between them. The glowey thing that Capt. Marvel displays when she's on, reminds one of the Quantum sky. Another action killer was giving the women the same power effect. So we don't distinguish or because it was easier? The big bad could only have gotten better had they cast that crazy lady from the Power Rangers. I thought Dar-Benn was blind for the first few minutes of the film. If she looked down, would her head-piece have fallen off? All the ladies came as they are because hair and makeup were in a rush to return to social media. They looked unkempt and shook. They would never dare look this ratched on the red carpet where fans aren't paying them to create movie magic. Somber heroes zigzagging to nowhere for nobody. I never thought of Monica Rambeau as interesting, I liked Kamala on the smaller screen but... and we all know what Carol Danvers is. The reason I liked female heroines was because they were a break from extremism and added a softer solution to the action and they were beautiful. If women keep denying themselves in order to become men, hugs will be cancelled. They can do anything? Be a girl. Good hair, make-up and dress will fulfill the rest. See: Barbie. Imagine if she was ugly and without sex appeal. No mucho $. Musicland was an in-law family situation humiliation activity. Nobody swags like they care so why bother? Was Frasier the only white man allowed in the building or was he CGId? 07-Feb-2024

The pace had no time to set-up character appreciation, it had a billion particles to settle. The family dynamic was food, drink, celebration and insanity. George Lopez added comedy schtick to his act. He looked like a character booted from Bedrock because he was too loud and ornery. The breast queen should be playing Lady MacBeth not becoming a free TV actor. I can see her washing blood from her hands and implementing Elvira's cleavage cut. The rest of the family and the leads apply stereotypes without explaining them. There is no such thing as a stereotype because it's only a description of our heritage. Universal speak. Nobody passed the classic TV Q test and the silliness hardly stopped. The best of the mythology turned into a fiesta. The family went everywhere together. Really? When did they masturbate? Why did the family get superpowers? Beetle's nemesis was a bigger and badder version of himself. Couldn't we have gotten something a little different? If the production wanted to fill the female quota, why didn't they concoct some awesome female villains? He has lots and no villain is scarier than a latin woman scorned. She'll slash your tires. 27-Nov-2023

Antipathy between lead actors destroys chemistry and longevity. I heard Clark Gable had toxic breath, yet it didn't stop Vivian Leigh from tonguing him down. 20-Feb-2023

Not only were the true Agojie violent cutthroats they were also responsible for the massacre and enslavement of millions. According to historians the women were discarded third wives that husbands no longer found worthy of sharing a bed with. King Ghezo was one of the biggest slave traders of his time and trained the discarded women to massacre, sacrifice, enslave and sell men, women and children, no matter the tribe. The film fantasizes that the amazonian women formed their own empowerment group and conquered the white people that invaded them. White characters are sketched with no humanity which makes the action appear cruel instead of intoxicating. In the world of the living, the white people being fought were trying to abolish slavery and succeeded in killing the women instantaneously. Production was handed a bold cast to portray male versions of themselves. What a pity they couldn't find real women to emulate. 05-Jan-2023

The good news: LL got her mojo back, the bad news: it's a stinker.

Oops, this is the poster for the sequel. 18-Nov-2022

Entertainment has wrung art dry. The artists are burdened with inciting memories of great historical art and erasing them, lest the audience think they pilfered them to bring a manipulative story to the screen. You can tell the director was probably very cool headed because a household with that much violent disarray would include more horrific things. Marsh girl would have turned out a creature less human instead of a starving foreign exchange student. Daisy Edgar Jones flattens the character by not bringing star charm to a mimicking portrayal. See Sandra Dee and Troy Donahue. Even when they couldn't act, they glowed with excitement and saved a crappy movie. Her ascension to sophistication is questionable. Either her mother had a great wardrobe or girl was doing something besides chucking clams. Also, why didn't she just eat the clams? The owners of the grocery store were inspired by a very special episode of "Little House On The Prairie" featuring the blacks. A little wild girl living all alone in the swamp would attract a lot of perversion. She couldn't read but she picked up on romance real quick. She flew into her "first" kiss. How did she know? What kind of nice daddy was hers before he booked? Why was she surprised to experience Tate Walker's natural findings in the swamp? Wouldn't she have discovered it whilst being the swamp? The crime and the courtroom boredom that follows had me eye rolling. The film is a cheer for womanhood but not art. It's a facsimile. I wanted to feel something. I am a man, after all. The ending knocked it out of the park but so did Harris Dickinson, to no avail. 16-Nov-2022

The dinos are stunning and grandiose, the familiar faces are warm, whatever stole Chris Pratt's mojo ain't giving it back and Bryce Dallas Howard would have stolen the whole shebang had someone written in a Tammy Faye Bakker impression. The movie confirms that in order to save the planet, we must die. (You didn't think we were sacrificing for us or our children, did you?) 11-Oct-2022

Natalie Portman's linebacker is not the gayest thing about the movie, a bodyless rock pining for another rock is. Are you kidding me? I want to see Thor's beautiful ass devoured by Zeus. 12-Sep-2022