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Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn (1982) Woof

It's an old friend I had no idea I made. It's everything it pretends to be. 12-Nov-2018

Tags: 1980s, Bad Acting, Camp, Chemistry, Classic, Comic Book, Conspiracy Theory, Daddy Squish, Decent FX, Director's Slice, Drama, Fantasy, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Political Satire, Pretty, Revenge, Sap, SciFi, Sentimental, Sequel, Squish Alert, Suspense, Tough, TV-like, Twisty, Wit Snit



Black Panther (2018) Whimper

Gods and goddesses blessed with magical resources and riches hide under a celestial bubble fighting for their survival but sharing very little of it with the world and the neighbors they seem to emulate.

The accents waver, the muscle is weak and the girls fare better but not by much. The beauty of color keeps it alive but the 70's mod and religious adherence bring it outmoded corniness.

I celebrate its political success as I await to see an ethnic hero that embodies the film world with the same grace as its counter does. We have to start somewhere. 24-Jun-2018

Tags: 2010s, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Comic Book, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Fatigue, Hot Swatch, Inactivity, Macho Posing, Oncer, Political Satire, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Sap, Silly, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid Effects



Brillantes (2014) Whimper

It's an ode to American action farce from another time except the makers weren't privy to any of the good ones. The leads have bygone ethnic daddy squish, chemistry and lashes of quick wit. The film has a reset button, treats women like chess pieces and has no identity. I'm not figuring it out for them. 20-Feb-2018

Tags: 2010s, Action, Art Devoid, Brutal, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Foreign: Spanish, Funny, Sort of, Hot Swatch, Indecipherable, Macho Posing, Manipulation, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Political Satire, Preposterous, Sap, Shrill Act, Silly, Squish Alert, Tacky, Weird



Office Christmas Party (2016) Whimper

There are moments where saccharin and fraternity are cast aside to serve impish amusement, like Aniston snapping to a bratter to go fuck herself, but it's mostly underwritten sitcom blather incapable of boosting their TV Q. 23-Dec-2017

Tags: 2010s, Art Devoid, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Comedy, Comic Book, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Holiday, Loud, Macho Posing, Oncer, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Revenge, Sap, Sequel, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Tacky, TV-like



Birth of a Nation (2015) Howl

The prejudgement was swatted as soon as the harsh reality of what the birth entailed was. The only reason to relive this grave stain in history is to account for a particular untapped event. The film was annihilated by an unproven crime from politically correct assassins but the importance of the film resonates truth.

White man deluded a benevolent slave to learn the bible, adapt their baptist religion (within privileged limitations) and to spread it to his brethren to cause guilt within the black community and to quell the savage soul. The power of the word exalted the white man and placed the black community at their mercy for fear of going to hell. Black preacher gains insight as his community continues to suffer barbarities and sexual perversions from God respecting owners and forms a revolution.

It's a group effort where nothing necessarily stands out except the facts, the inhumanity and the confusion that black people have adopted white man's religion when it was His word that enabled enslavement. 07-Nov-2017

Tags: 2010s, Action, Brutal, Director's Slice, Drama, History, Hot Swatch, Political, Rapey, Revenge, Romance, Sad, Sap, Scary, Sentimental, Suspense, Touching, Twisty, Writ Tight



Wonder Woman (2017) Whimper

I was ready to celebrate everything the Wonder Woman mythology entrenches but I can only laud the idea because the interpretation curtails the triumph.

Themyscira flounders the hardest because accomplished actresses are burdened with harsh and awkward accents to help explain the heroine's dialect. They may be mentally strong women but they can't persuade us they have physical strength. If they really wanted to represent Amazon girl power, challenge actresses who have inhabited physical dynamism and give the fans a rise. Lucy Lawless, Sarah Michelle Geller, Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner, etc. are waiting in line to be acknowledged and honored.

Gal Gadot was declared Wonder Woman but we don't get to witness her growth or empowerment.

Pine's Steve Trevor undermines Diana by trumpeting himself as an extraordinary alpha that is solely qualified to subdue such a forceful heroine. The writers should have noted that she gives the man the strength as soon as she prefers him. With this role Pine finally fulfills the culmination that is William Shatner.

The weenie foe does nothing to elevate Diana's heroism.

The music manipulates our emotions, the stunts are self-aware, the FX are ponderous and the direction fails to catapult.

I want a Wonder Woman that's not ashamed of her power, that wears the colors of our flag boldly and who shouts for women but fights for everyone.


Tags: 2010s, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Director's Slice, Disappointment, Drama, Ear Prick, Eye Gouge, False Action, Fantasy, Fatigue, Hot Swatch, Manipulation, Oncer, Over the Top, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Sad Effects, Sap, Silly, Tacky, Tedium, Ugly Art



Hidden Figures (2016) Howl

Every time the director slides the film towards slush, the writers thwart and the actors' heart scream louder to remind us what the purpose is. It was educational, I enjoyed the time spent and I respect the history. The ladies are a dream team and I'd love to see them recreate "9 to 5." They're ready. 17-Sep-2017

Tags: 2010s, Director's Slice, Drama, Funny, Good Acting, Manipulation, Political, Sap, SciFi, Sentimental, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Writ Tight



Star Wars: Rogue One (2016) Whimper

I was ready to geek out at this stand-alone side quest but besides Vader and space action sequences at end, there isn't much to delight. The music foretells how we should feel before the action unfolds. The director and editor do not serve the stuntwork which is shown in its raw state where we see them react and fall before a hit. The actors appear glum and forfeited. No hero steps up and no cheers result. The CGI that arises the dead creeps instead of inspires and the independent budget doesn't accelerate its art, it trashes it. 18-Jul-2017

Tags: 2010s, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Director's Slice, Disappointment, Drama, Ear Prick, Eye Gouge, False Action, Fantasy, Fatigue, Loud, Manipulation, Oncer, Over the Top, Preachy, Predictable, Repetitive, Revenge, Sad Effects, Sap, Silly, Tedium



Manchester by the Sea (2016) Arf

If life chugged along like the boats in the lake parting from dock, I'd be able to enjoy more of it but as a film it seems like I'm watching someone's elongated life unscramble to oblivion. Affleck is the only one that can hang on to the Boston accent without sounding like a punk from 50s television. Lucas Hedges also competes but mostly everyone fails, esp. Williams, Mol and Chandler. The theme isn't new, it's basically the same theme from Webster with an unyielding edge and shoddier parenting. Affleck's monotone doesn't rise or descend past the detached and unconcerned and the movie only satisfies like a shot of penicillin after a rabid dog bite. 26-Feb-2017

Tags: 2010s, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Corn, Director's Slice, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fatigue, Good Acting, Indecipherable, Manipulation, Over the Top, Preachy, Sap, Tedium, Weird



Starter for 10 (2006) Woof

Typical quirk and awkwardness abound in a comedy laced by affected humor. The actors, esp., James McAvoy, lift it from its abstraction. Future squishes, Cooper and Cumberbatch and The Cure on soundtrack, also ease. 08-Feb-2017

Tags: 2000s, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Comedy, Cute, Drama, Fantasy, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Predictable, Romance, Sap, Star Watt, Sweet, Twinkie, Weird



About Last Night (1986) Woof

The cast looks fresh, act palpably and turn their star watt to max. Some antiquated notions marry admissible arguments as it tries to speak on how the environment is sometimes the worst enemy of involvement. It would have been breezier had Belushi portrayed his asshole in an appealing manner but he's an aside we can ignore as we lap up what the better three have to offer. 03-Feb-2017

Tags: 1980s, Chemistry, Comedy, Drama, Funny, Hot Swatch, Romance, Sap, Sentimental, Shrill Act, Star Watt, Sweet, Wit Snit



Rose, The (1979) Arf

Bette Midler is not tragic enough to portray this oppressed music major. You cannot let joy seep through no matter how much you relish the pain. If you're looking to quench the musical flavor that "The Rose" theme song inflames, you will be disappointed as its an add-on anthem that only emphasizes how unmemorable the score is. The drag ingredient elevates as the lesbian moment is awkward. Bette is an unwilling Gaycon champion and proves it with every tendency. Cliche absorbs the rest. 08-Jan-2017

Tags: 1970s, Corn, Director's Slice, Disappointment, Drama, Ear Prick, False Action, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Manipulation, Musical, Oncer, Over the Top, Predictable, Repetitive, Sad, Sap, Sentimental, Shrill Act, Silly, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Tacky, Weird



Prelude To A Kiss (1992) Whimper

Even as a gay man I could not appreciate this romantic sham that enables the beautiful countenance of Baldwin to be married to a dilapidated old man for half of its delineation. While Ryan slumbers in cute looniness, Baldwin is saddled with roping in the sense, the heart and the commitment. Except for lighting him lovingly the production returns nothing of what he's trying to bestow. The chemistry between the majors has a thick coating that the story and direction can't abet in mingling them realistically and the romance is lost when Baldwin is forced to seriously enact homoerotic sketches that SNL later exploited. It doesn't help that the old man has no appeal past being crypt-like. This is fetish romance with a superior ick factor. 05-Jan-2017

Tags: 1990s, Bad Chemistry, Comedy, Corn, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Disappointment, Eye Gouge, Fantasy, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Inappropriate, Manipulation, Oncer, Over the Top, Romance, Sap, Shrill Act, Silly, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Tacky, Tedium, Ugly Art, Unfunny, Weird



Cocoon (1985) Whimper

The idea is worthy of exploration but Howard has no interest in inflicting it with personality. His direction is slow and clammed up like the cocoons laying at the bottom of the pool. It's up to the old timers to ratchet the drama and corral the sentiment. The aliens are stifled, Tinker Bell inspired and pending. Howard does nothing to propel any of the interesting themes or actions presented beyond being an enabling father who thinks children can parent themselves. Its a disservice to everyone and it kills the opportunity for classicdom. 03-Jan-2017

Tags: 1980s, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Comedy, Corn, Cute, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Indecipherable, Manipulation, Mat, Sad Effects, Sap, SciFi, Sentimental, Silly, Star Watt, Tedium



Armageddon (1998) Arf

The movie is personal for me because when I saw it in '98 I was diagnosed with the cessation of probability of life, therefore envisaging my own Armageddon. Watching it on New Year's Eve gave me expectations that family and friends couldn't spigot. Watching it again on New Year's eve eve I choked on enormous macho cum splatter while being blinded by Affleck's incredulous white teeth. Implausible, roaring and gushy is all I saw now. Yet, when Willis turns his superstar on to talk to beautifully gifted Liv Tyler, waterworks commenced, all silliness washes away and we take the remaining minutes to ride on the subtlety that they couldn't contain before. 31-Dec-2016

Tags: 1990s, Action, Camp, Comic Book, Conspiracy Theory, Daddy Squish, Director's Slice, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Loud, Macho Posing, Manipulation, Over the Top, Pretty, Romance, Sad, Sap, SciFi, Sentimental, Silly, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Suspense, Tacky, Tearjerk, Wit Snit



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