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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Sap'

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Beyond White Space (2018) Whimper

The inclination to watch was always interrupted by its gaming inspired poster. It looked like something you would play not watch. Obviously, it's description and my boredom tuned us in.

After decimating earth the next boost for humanity is to fuck up space. Away we go with pirates, thieves, anarchists, loveless, lawless and hopeless. Fun fact: I did not know space had crabs and no gays. The monsters are CGI identified on a two sided coin. The dialogue is full of those chemicals we don't want on our meat, the actors eating corn would have had the same effect and the director/editor stumbled by premeditating everything about to occur. The action sequences are as inspired as a preview before a game that never starts. 28-Aug-2020

Tags: Accidental Watch, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Comic Book, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Drama, Fatigue, Hot Swatch, Predictable, Preposterous, Sap, SciFi, Tacky, Timid, Vague

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28-Aug-2020


Fullmetal Alchemist (2018) Whimper

A boy and his brother surrender parts of themselves while trying to resurrect their mother through alchemy. A journey ensues to find a philosopher's stone that will return their bodies and relax their souls. The animated series was a dark tragedy with kiddie undertones, celebrating science and magic shows, stupendous mutants with biblical powers, military strategies and coos, cliffhangers and curves while pulling the heartstrings. The introduction is action best, the characters and the costumes click the memory banks but its empathy blubber is unforgivable. 26-Aug-2020

Tags: 2010s, By the Numbers, Camp, Fatigue, Foreign, Inactivity, Music Murders, Musical Bombast, Predictable, Relationships, Repetitive, Sap, Tedium, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities, Writer Humiliation

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26-Aug-2020


Terminator: Dark Fate (2019) Whimper

Runny episode in the Terminator franchise. There is no verve in watching women do what they never do in real life. ("If I see another Karen dropkick another neighbor, I'll lose my shit.") It has all the ingredients of the best ones with none of its simmer, smarts or pot of humor. Young Arnold impressed but his Terminator mythology was destroyed. The cute brother should have played the Terminator. Sarah Connor is a show off. It talks, it fights, it conquers...story continued on Jane The Virgin. 21-Aug-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Drama, Ear Prick, False Action, Indecipherable, Macho Posing, Manipulation, Over the Top, Political, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Sap, SciFi, Shrill Act, Star Watt, Tedium, Timid, Writer Humiliation

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21-Aug-2020


Liar, Liar (1997) Woof

Jim Carrey is the stupid king. There are moments when you just want him to stop and take a breather and he does but it starts up again and you give in because it's a freedom a lot of us lack. To be stupid. The plot is really a set-up for Jim, the score reminded me of crappy summers, the kid was too cute, daddy positions were frivolous but the meister was at his cutest and most stupidest. Funny! 12-Aug-2020

Tags: 1990s, Adorable, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Director Insanity, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Grating, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Sap, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Sweet, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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12-Aug-2020


Kissing Booth 2 (2020) Arf

Silly girl thinks the world orbits only after she blows on it. Heroine enforces her stance by diminishing what boys think if it interferes with what she wants. Latino heart throbs with a curl, besties squish like girls, the gays are allowed to speak but of educators they peep and "anger issues" squishes with a little less muscle but enough to fuck a foreign miss. Its frivolous corn syrup contesting manhood. 10-Aug-2020

Tags: 2020s, Camp, Comedy, Crapfun, Drama, Fatigue, Hot Swatch, Predictable, Preposterous, Sap, Silly, Timid, Wit Crack

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10-Aug-2020


Hobbs and Shaw (2019) Arf

Action daddypalooza. It's about a virus that hints at corona which means the celebration is anticlimactic? The godly Samoan took to criticism and calmed his macho down. The squirt squirted sweet juice and super daddy accent rode it like Harry Potter on a broom. All plane sequences worked. I liked the conversation between the three on the plane and the action amongst the clouds took me to flight. The Rock admitted his shortcomings, the kicker provided sharp flare and street daddy gobbled all the cowboy tech limited by budget. Most of the action felt cartoony, some of the action felt inspired but mostly the action fulfilled what a disposable master would authorize. We must stop announcing "badass." It's not something you know, its something you are. Men will never be mothers but they can front the criticism. The writer needs to allow us to judge them. 09-Aug-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Fun, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Crapfun, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Fatigue, Funny, Hot Swatch, Macho Posing, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Sap, Star Watt, Timid, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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09-Aug-2020


They Come Knocking (2019) Whimper

Hot daddy raggedy, teen elder daughter crab apple and future "Karen" darling road it it to dead children county to distribute mama's ashes. You know the movie is not destined for greatness when the cliche effect of children's whispers is heard. The children creep a little but there are no sensible rules chaining the scares together. It's horror schmaltz. 11-Jul-2020

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Drama, Horror, Indecipherable, Manipulation, Relationships, Sap, Scare Obvious, Silly, Timid, Unenthusiastic

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11-Jul-2020


Eurovision Song Contest (2020) Whimper

Brother/sister romance tackle art and temptation at a song contest.

Will Ferrell's character's age kept gnawing at me. How old is he supposed to be? How old is his sister? His father? Ferrell plays the eternal kid that refuses to wear big boy britches even for comfort. Ours.

Rachel McAdams deserved a singing partner.

Dan Stevens left it at the Abbey. He should go pick it up.

I knew it was Demi Lovato before I saw her. It was the screaming.

The music is way too silly to enjoy, coming in constant waves of annoyance. I don't care what the rules are, sing it live. Too much? 01-Jul-2020

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Comedy, Director Slouch, Drama, Gay Swatch, Grating, Musical Bombast, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Retread, Sap, Shrill Act, Silly, Tacky, Timid, Unfunny, Weird

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01-Jul-2020


Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (2019) Arf

Star Wars is one of the most challenging series to keep alive. Each post iteration appearing shiny and new with ardent fandom, bounteous clamor and no history or relevance to match any of the original three. They are only embers of the force.

JJ dropped the soap. Politics clenched the dynamic and criticism quelled his enthusiasm. He did not lend his panoramic to anything past what we would see in a video game.

It spent too much time preaching the force and little time explaining anything else.

Kylo Ren worked better with his mask on. (He was more intimidating.)

Zori Bliss would have worked better with her mask off.

Lando and the phantasms of veteran greats brought the force but the new power was missing a united purpose that would compel them to overcome the awkwardness. You can't expect much from an actor whose belly is full.

Everything old as new is delight, everything new and unthought of is bah...everything new and shiny, rusts. 20-Jun-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, By the Numbers, Camp, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Loud, Macho Posing, Music Swings, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Sap, SciFi, Shrill Act, Star Watt, Timid, Weird

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20-Jun-2020


Da 5 Bloods (2020) Arf

Four American vets return to Nam to pay homage to a fallen comrade and loot forgotten gold. Lee celebrates the culture and panders heavily to an aggressive media. Details are only heightened when its beautiful score stops waterboarding. It is only then that the daddies' concrete work is illuminated, the story gets a lift and though Lee is scattered, he delivers some insight. Do trees sap in the woods? Yes, indeed. 15-Jun-2020

Tags: 2020s, Action, Chemistry, Coincidence Laden, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Drama, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Musical Bombast, Preachy, Preposterous, Revenge, Sap, Soundtrack Swings, Star Watt, Suspense, Writ w/Possibilities

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15-Jun-2020


A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019) Arf

Mr. Rogers was part of my baby ghetto but I was never aware of being a fan. He relaxed me, informed me, and chimed the right bells to put a baby to sleep. The movie depends on Tom Hanks delivering the persona of a man who defies goodness. Hanks is perfect in intonation, style and determination but he adds an element of creepiness that only comes with voracious study and involuntary realization. I kept waiting for him to go Joker and annihilate. It ruined it for me. 12-Jun-2020

Tags: 2010s, Brutal, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Good Acting, Grating, Political Satire, Preposterous, Sap, Star Watt, Timid

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14-Jun-2020


Frozen II (2019) Whimper

Its beauty is deceptive.

There is no thought or flourish to the story and no realism to the dialogue. Children have deeper conversations than this.

They are constantly bombarded by magical things, yet still wonder at the next.

The songs are its enemy. The songwriters write songs for talkers not classically trained singers. The musical artists could not wrap their talent around them. The words weren't tonal or melodious. (A thesaurus might have helped.) Each song was a giant whoopee cushion to the ear.

I wished the snowman had melted. (I'm sorry, I've spent too much time with Gervais.)

The presentation is built to make a grown man cringe.

If it weren't so gorgeous, I'd stop fucking it.

Bring on number 3. (Sigh) 02-May-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action, Beautiful, By the Numbers, Camp, Director's Touch, Drama, Ear Prick, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Gay Swatch, Grating, Manipulation, Music Murders, Musical Bombast, Preachy, Sap, Shrill Act, Timid

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02-May-2020


Harriet (2019) Whimper

I dreaded watching what appeared to be a Harriet Rambo adaptation that would diminish the heroism of a woman determined by life to save others. It does not succeed in bringing either woman to life. Cynthia Erivo has built too many walls to ease comfortably into suffering. The accent wasn't pure because her modern thinking interrupted it. Ms. Erivo forgot that heroes are badass after the fact. The direction is confused, insecure and skittish. You can't do nods to legends (Spielberg, Color Purple) without proper understanding of their work. The music was lovely, but it was constant and better suited for a video game. The performers weren't feeling it, it's not even a good TV film and it should have been a musical. 25-Apr-2020

Tags: 2010s, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Macho Posing, Music Swings, Preachy, Revenge, Sap, Tedium, Timid

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25-Apr-2020


It: Chapter Two (2019) Whimper

The adult actors cannot fulfill the innocence and vibrance of the youngsters who established it. They diminish the investment in a fretful conclusion. Skarsgard is a sure thing but Muschietti's insistence in piling disconnected scares that belong to a Freddy Krueger franchise sequel, shoves his monster icon status to the shadows. The mumbo was a jumble, the Spielberg didn't fit and the sap broke the vine. 23-Apr-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action, By the Numbers, Daddy Squish, Decent FX, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Horror, Indecipherable, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Sap, Scare Obvious, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Too Long, Vague

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23-Apr-2020


Jumanji: The Next Level (2019) Bites

It looks like the same level to me. There is a wisp of outrageous hilarity that ensues when we first hear Dwayne and Kevin attempt new accents, but it vanishes as soon as you sober up. There is only so much failure you can laugh at. I sat down in my boxers to get actioned up and ended up with shredded panties. There was so much sap that the pancakes runneth over. 15-Apr-2020

Tags: 2010s, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Brutal, Camp, Daddy Squish, Director Slouch, Fantasy, Fatigue, Grating, Indecipherable, Loud, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Sap, Sentimental, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Tedium, Timid, Timid Effects, Writer Humiliation

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15-Apr-2020




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