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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Fantasy'

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Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) Bites

Patty Jenkins went on a shopping spree with the film's budget. Did she leave most of it home? It opens with baby Diana discovering clever ways to somersault at the White Female Olympics. She's unbearable, I mean unbeatable even as a child. Cue applause and adoration. There should have been a lot of irony in a woman raised to best everyone, even in goodness. Years of not belonging in the world would have brought her detachment from it. She wouldn't fall apart over Steve Trevor and she definitely wouldn't pine for him for over a 100 years. Compassion is a side effect of a movement. Coldness is a statistic of war. Everything you hate about the movies is in this one. The older maidens are given minimal time. (They didn't study their accents, again.) Cheetah might have been intriguing as a black character with white superiority issues. Yes, make it a race thing. Pedro Pascal left his guts on the floor while Ms. Jenkins took a nap. Steve's explanation for existing in the future was best established on the 70s TV series. Future Steve could have been the great grandson of dead Steve. Incestuous hook-ups and emotional consequences. It would have been a great place to establish personal turmoil. Gadot needed to wear some of the tear in Wonder Woman's battle history to find her strength because it ain't crying.

Patty Jenkins killed Wonder Woman. 14-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Brutal, Camp, Comic Book, Corn, Dialogue Lament, Director Experiment, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Inactivity, Over the Top, Political, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Romance, Silly, Slow, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Tacky, Timid, Trashy, TV-like, Unenthusiastic, Weird, Writer Humiliation

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14-May-2021


Mitchells vs The Machines, The (2021) Whimper

Teen lesbian leaving for school, has her life upended when Siri takes over the world and her dorky family is in charge of saving it. The adventures rely on coincidence, loud family squabbles, pet abuse, girl empowerment, gay robots and swirly pops to the brain. The voices don't humanize or endear themselves to us. Does Michael Rianda really think that he sounds like a cute little boy? It ends like every new animation whose heart beats like a girl. Go, girls! Do whatever the fuck you want! 06-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Action Stomper, Cold, Comedy, Disappointment, Drama, False Action, Fantasy, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, SciFi, Shrill Act, Timid, Too Long, Unfunny, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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06-May-2021


Seventh Sign, The (1988) Whimper

God was so angry with us in the 80s that he sent seven signs to warn us he was on a path of annihilation and made Demi Moore and her baby carry the burden. If she can fulfill enough of God's contracts she can accomplish the "save the world" prophecies in the bible. Moore's luminescence and chemistry is wasted on shitty creators. A man can protect the world but only a woman can save it. 04-May-2021

Tags: 1980s, Accidental Watch, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Conspiracy Theory, Cultish, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Horror, Hot Swatch, Mad, Mystery, SciFi, Silly, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Timid, Weird, Writ w/Possibilities

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04-May-2021


101 Dalmations (1996) Woof

I never saw this movie before. I didn't want to. I thought there would be overacting and lots of talking animal buffoonery. Though the human relationship evolves very quickly, the establishment of Cruella de Ville and adorable puppies are right. The actors were pitch perfect facsimiles of the animated classic and Glenn Close knitted some fabulous bits. The doggies have their own storyline and its realistically sweet and adventurous. Top family entertainment whence you teach the kids how to pick up after themselves or else they sell their pets and turn them into fashion. 20-Apr-2021

Tags: 1990s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Comedy, Director's Art, Drama, Fantasy, Funny, Good Acting, Romance, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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20-Apr-2021


Deadly Illusions (2021) Whimper

Kristin Davis helms an asinine parent who hires a vibrant and stainless nanny to temporarily raise her children whilst she finishes her novel. With the children occupied, mama is able to walk the town freely, jump naked in the pool, smoke cigars, drink and get her labia lip smacked by a teenaged nanny. The sex isn't for exploration. It's cold and unimportant because the sex tease is an excuse to keep us interested and fooled. The nanny spends as much time with the kids as the parents. Where the fuck were those kids? Daddy exists to spill his juice and to pantomime what a real man looks like. It all culminates like "Fatal Attraction" trash with old daddy fighting for his life in a shower, wearing only a towel. Embarrassingly funny. 23-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Camp, Crapfun, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Gay Swatch, Lesbian, Mystery, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Revenge, Romance, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Weird, Wit Crack

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23-Mar-2021


Monster Hunter (2020) Whimper

Why are they monster hunters? Nobody wants to track these ugly fuckers down. They happen to be in the way of some people getting home. That's all. Self-defense has nothing to do with hunting. The military swag from all sexes was nauseating, the action was energetic but preposterous, all of the bad actors die first and we thank the gods but the monsters mainly consisted of a "Tremors" beast, a crablike spider and a dragon made of rocks. The cat was funny but was given minimal time. (What a delight to surprise Dr. Viviana with that one!) Non-descript monsters and humans battling an unrealistic warp world. It doesn't make Hi-C sense. 21-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Stomper, By the Numbers, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Horror, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Sentimental, Silly, Stupid Funny, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

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21-Mar-2021


Moon-Spinners, The (1964) Arf

Disney explores its sexual proclivities. Youngling travels to Crete with doting aunt (she dotes and travels with young succulence in order to elicit a fuck. From anyone!) Virginal child gets entangled in desires, foreign thieves, rapists, connivers and murderers. Girl power privilege in a foreign land. Pola Negri's Madame Habib makes you happy you remained but the caper is silly shit. 04-Mar-2021

Tags: 1960s, Action, Chemistry, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Hot Swatch, Mystery, Over the Top, Preposterous, Relationships, Romance, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Timid, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

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04-Mar-2021


Swiss Family Robinson (1960) Howl

Swiss family travel the high seas to claim new land and eco-trash it. Pirates attack their ship as they sleep, all the passengers jump to safety and nobody bothers to awaken them. Were they not liked? They were probably snooty. TG they left an animal farm, nails and enough ammo to kill an army. Shipwrecked. The Ewoks would have barked at the unrealism of the family tree palace but it's fun Disney magic. As they settle into tranquility the parents ponder the future of their three sons. The boys would inherit nothing without women to love lest they do the animals or worst, each other. A trans boy makes it onto the island and Cain and Abel are awakened to some sexual clarity. It's preposterously gorgeous, impossible, animalistic, adventurous, violent and joyous. 28-Feb-2021

Tags: 1960s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Beautiful, Best In Action, Best in Fantasy, Camp, Chemistry, Classic, Crapfun, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Heart Writ, History, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Mystery, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Relationships, Sentimental, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Tough, Twinkie, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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28-Feb-2021


Strongest Man In The World, The (1975) Woof

Inventing the formula that adds super-human strength to a person. A Disney kabob of good nature, silliness, comedy, simplicity and pro efficiency run amok. 24-Feb-2021

Tags: 1970s, Action, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Good Acting, Hot Swatch, Physical Humor, Pretty, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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24-Feb-2021


Space Sweepers (2021) Woof

The earth has become Mexico red. 5 percent of the privileged population safely inhabit space while governing the remaining 95% that will die with earth. Space sweepers clear space from waste. It's a competition. The team who swipes it first wins and gets paid. I got absorbed in its universal travelogue. I wanted to see more of dying earth and plastic earth but understood the budget restrictions. They concentrated on delivering a humane story against a space adventure. The robot is a human-like child set to detonate and cause a nuclear disaster on earth. She is the new cargo the Victory ship undertakes. They are afraid of her as they are enamored. It's done with cheeky humor, a team that kicked ass and a heart that saps with the wind. It doesn't hit your face in a glob. It spreads out so you can gently dab. Every representation spoke their language and it sounded musical and educational. The little girl was adorable and the action was Tony The Tiger. 18-Feb-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Adorable, Chemistry, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Director's Art, Drama, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Gay Swatch, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Physical Humor, Sap, SciFi, Sentimental, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Touching, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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18-Feb-2021


Pete's Dragon (2016) Arf

This is the the corny one but not to death. Elliot is a majestic dragon with fur and radioactive green. It still acts like a dog but it's butchy. Slave boy becomes orphan boy after wandering off into the forest post a fatal family crash. He is adopted by Elliott, becomes Tarzan boy, lives with animals, lives like animals and acquires 6 years knowledge of the English language by reading the same baby book over and over. No. The dragon doesn't talk. He whimpers. I frown on animals talking but dragons don't exist so it's okay for them to talk when we need shit explained. Redford was enervating, Howard was luminous and Fegly imagined. Sweet and magical moments stand out. 16-Feb-2021

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Fantasy, Indecipherable, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Sap, Silly, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Timid, Weird

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16-Feb-2021


Pete's Dragon (1977) Woof

As a child I was terrified that the corniness of the film would kill me so I never bothered to watch it. It's corny with dragon balls. Green dragon appears to a runaway slave in need of help. The mythology of why the dragon appears or who sent him is slight. The boy's buyers are backwoods insane with a penchant for punishing children with violence and physical labor. Little boy slave flees with his dragon to Karentown where he meets the liberated mom of his magical dreams in a town not easily convinced by his dirty face. Elliot the dragon is not as big as you'd expect, probably because a kid imagined him, he's green with fairy wings and a mohawk. I thought he was going to talk. He does not talk. He murmurs? He also acts like a bumbling dog and can become invisible. You can feel the smallness of the town and the film. It's quaint with great aspirations. 16-Feb-2021

Tags: 1970s, Action Fun, Camp, Comedy, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Music Swings, Musical, Sweet, Tough, Weird, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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16-Feb-2021


Million Dollar Duck (1971) Woof

Dean Jones may have looked tired but he was worth rescuing. Sandy Duncan hinted at intelligent comedic capabilities. A cute kid, a Disney radiated duck and a scrupulous cast kept the ridiculous from permeating. The duck shat gold. Sweet, funny and imaginary nonsense. Grandma will love it! 08-Feb-2021

Tags: 1970s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Comedy, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Director Insanity, Director Movement, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Relationships, Sentimental, Silly, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Sweet, Tough, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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08-Feb-2021


Bedknobs And Broomsticks (1971) Howl

At the age of nine my gay aunt took me to see this film. It was my first time in an American movie theater. Of course mother took me to the theater but it had to be in Spanish and include softcore porn, party music and/or sadistic violence. I saw that shit everyday. I wanted magic.

A witch that needs one last spell to obliterate the Nazis. Awesome education for kids. Show them who the enemy is. Angela Lansbury weaved spells and lulled me soundly to sleep. Charming no-nonsense woman. The spells were clever, the effects maintained the innocence of the time and the magic was reestablished. The writers concocted fairytales from the jumble in kids' heads and made sense of them. The music, the production, the fun and great sportsmanship kept the gift alive. Thank you, auntie. 08-Feb-2021

Tags: 1970s, Accidental Watch, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Adorable, Chemistry, Classic, Comedy, Crapfun, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Music Swings, Physical Humor, Political Satire, Suspense, Sweet, Tough, Twisty, War, Weird, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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08-Feb-2021


Star Wars: Revenge Of The Sith (2005) Arf

General Grievous is a product of Lucas' craft. The Tech Master hardly disappointed. The fail was foretelling everything before it happened depriving us of emotional surprise and leaning heavily on sap. I thought Hayden was done vomiting. Dude, he had diarrhea and it stank up the whole universe. I replaced him with a young Jack Nicholson. (Jack was dark, charming and a hoot. That laugh.) Unfortunately the saga is reliant on Anakin Skywalker making a satisfying transition to Darth Vader. He does not. I would have put a helmet on that kid halfway through the 2nd film just to avoid the misery. He even infected Natalie Portman. Samuel L. Jackson couldn't give three fucks. Ewan McGregor sported adorable hair, eloquence and force chill. Yoda kicked more ass. Christensen yucked it up! The diarrhea was epidemic. 06-Feb-2021

Tags: 2000s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Bad Acting, Daddy Squish, Director Insanity, Director Movement, Director's Art, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Kool Effects, Music Swings, Relationships, Sap, Slow, Writ w/Possibilities

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06-Feb-2021




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