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Movies Posts Tagged as 'Horror'

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X (2022) Whimper

The idea of renting a house from senior landlords living on the property, in the 70s, to shoot a secret porn film plays ludicrously. It opens stinking of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and ends up vomit. This is an auteur's movie. The porn they were creating was supposed to be art. It was another porn stinker. 2 hours of three girls and a cock. The film would've played better as background for orgies. Seniors were represented as Tales From The Crypt old. Ick. Fear of getting old and losing control of sex and the joys that come with it. It stopped smelling like Chainsaw as soon as it tasted like Jaws and went down like Friday the 13th Part Three in 3D. 25-Nov-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Brutal, Camp, Creepy, Director Insanity, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Mean Spirited, Over the Top, Silly, Tacky, Trashy, Violent, Weird

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25-Nov-2022


Satan's Children (1975) Bites

It's so low budget that it couldn't even afford to be one of Bobby Brady's (Brady Bunch) teenage dreams. A smooth twink rebels against his argumentative father and insistently horny sister. He travels into Wonderland with pot in his pocket and a party hang out mentality with anyone except queers. He gets gang raped by a bunch of straight men who cripple him and not. There is a rape scene but it's more hilarious than it is shocking. I couldn't tell if they were shoving things up his ass or fucking him. They dump him somewhere Satan worshippers live. Chief Stew becomes enamored. He is rescued. The deck is revolting against second in command. The captain is away. They do not rescue strangers unless master commands it. Bobby becomes immobilized because his ass hurt. Really, immobilized? He found time for flat on your back sex, though. The captain returns unexpectedly and all hell breaks loose. It doesn't develop triumph or backbone until the very end. It's laughable, langorous and unforgettable. 31-Oct-2022

Tags: 1970s, Accidental Watch, Daddy Squish, Director Insanity, Drama, Funny, Good Idea, Horror, Hot Swatch, Preposterous, Rapey, Sad Effects, Silly, Timid, Trashy, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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31-Oct-2022


Chalk Line, The (Jaula/The Cage) (2022) Arf

I would have preferred The Cage to the Chalk Line because the english title sounds like a gimmick used to limit production costs. The director accommodated the mood, the actors stood in place but its details provided little depth. I know the what but not the why. The script was written on a typewriter/tik tok adding machine with limited credit. 29-Oct-2022

Tags: 2020s, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Drama, Foreign: Spanish, Horror, Music Swings, Mystery, Psychological, Relationships, Slow, Star Watt, Suspense, Timid, Unenthusiastic, Wit Crack, Words Spoke

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29-Oct-2022


Day Of The Animals (1977) Whimper

Depletion of the ozone layer is making animals at high levels territorial. Crows are the eyes, bears, the muscle, dogs are betrayers and mice, the vermin. There were no cats of the domestic kind. I presumed the dogs ate them. The cast is professional and appealing. The George's marriage radiated on screen. Michael Ansara played a dignified American Indian, proudly. Leslie Nielsen rages in the most asshole kind of way and we love it. He ripped his shirt to shreds because he was committed. I was enthralled. Nice shots of the animals grouping, the child, the after effects of a kill and Andrew Stevens body, face, smirk and Farrah-like hair. A story that deserves what new technology is capable of... without the preach. 26-Oct-2022

Tags: 1970s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Good Idea, Horror, SciFi, Suspense, Timid, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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26-Oct-2022


Martyrs (2008) Bites

The only way women can see the light is if they get punished for being women. The opener cues you in, the orphanage grants the characters humanity, the grown up versions are psychotic, the violence is pukey and the horror is inane. The more intimate the story, the bigger the chills. Here, the bigger the story, the more impossible it sounds. I do not get off on seeing women beat and suffering endlessly esp. for stupid reasons, but I realized that lesbians might. The film avoids sex as a respect to all women. Dude, I'd rather go back in time and get raped again than suffer through this. 17-Oct-2022

Tags: 2000s, Creepy, Depressing, Director Insanity, Drama, Eye Gouge, Fatigue, Foreign, Gay Swatch, Gory, Grating, Horror, Manipulation, Over the Top, Preposterous, Psychological, Revenge, Suspense, Tough, Trashy, Violent

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17-Oct-2022


Grimcutty (2022) Bites

If the monster hadn't resembled a street prank, I would have talked more about it. Blood is anemic. 13-Oct-2022

Tags: 2020s, Camp, Horror, Preposterous, Timid

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13-Oct-2022


Mandy (2018) Woof

An artful relentless mess in which Lord Nicholas takes on religion and splits his asshole kicking its butt. 12-Oct-2022

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, Brutal, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director Insanity, Director Movement, Director's Achievement, Director's Art, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Good Acting, Horror, Music Swings, Political Satire, Porn Violence, Psychological, Relationships, Revenge, Romance, Scary, Star Watt, Tough, Violent, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

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12-Oct-2022


Hellraiser (2022) Woof

Women commanding the gates of hell with a distorted Vogue look. The story is simple, shoots straight and pummels. Beauty is desecrated, the mind becomes distorted, anyone can be a sacrifice and the victims can fight back. The box has personality, the characters supply empathy and the deaths are nerve rackingly clever. Make-up, costume and effects wowed. A lady Pinhead origin story with lots of sex and violence would be most welcome. 09-Oct-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action Fun, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Director's Achievement, Elegance, Enthusiastic, Fun, Gay Swatch, Good Idea, Horror, Hot Swatch, Inspired, Music Swings, Relationships, Scary, Star Watt, Suspense, Thriller, Tough, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

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09-Oct-2022


Kindred (2020) Whimper

It's an incomplete thought. A woman realizes her culture by being left behind to be parented by a rich white family. The interracial harmony was a plus. The actors didn't make calls to their agents after every scene. They were in it. The idea that the man you loved was lying about his parents and abandons you to their care is frightening. The atmosphere was established, the actors were prepared but the story didn't succumb to its repression. All was safe, all felt long and none of it felt warranted. I wanted to hear the screams of agony and the main fucking the shit out of that pretty butler to get the fuck out of there. That's what real people do. They don't waste time wondering. 20-Apr-2022

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Chemistry, Cultural, Disappointment, Drama, Fatigue, Good Acting, Horror, Inactivity, Mystery, Psychological, Quiet, Slow, Suspense, Timid, Vague, Words Spoke

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20-Apr-2022


Halloween Kills (2021) Arf

Oops. Laurie and Mike are not the brother and sister alluded to in Halloween 2. It was a myth and a modern waste of a great arc. 21-Mar-2022
It assembled an historically amiable and able cast. Laurie Strode wasn't it's focus and I accepted that. There will always be a boogeyman stalking baby breaths and heroes willing to fight to keep them that way. The remembrances are welcome, the music is everything, the recreations worked but the constant reminder of Mike Myer's significance was hokey. The presentation screamed mythology over-identification. Michael Myers craned his neck in sympathy when he watched victims die. He ignored some but not others. It's tacky to make him talk but WTF? Is he a robot? I want to know what he's thinking. Give him voiceover thoughts or grunts. A showdown is brewing between brother and sister. It would be appropriate that before judgment is cast upon him that we get to hear his interpretation. 01-Mar-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Chemistry, Classic, Crapfun, Creepy, Director's Touch, Drama, Fun, Gay Swatch, Horror, Music Swings, Political Satire, Relationships, Revenge, Scary, Shrill Act, Star Watt, Suspense, Twisty, Violent, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

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21-Mar-2022


Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013) Arf

Apt sequel that glamorizes its predecessor and makes Leatherface a hero. It's a chill, spook and gay spectacular. 06-Mar-2022

Tags: 2010s, Action, Action Stomper, Brutal, Camp, Crapfun, Creepy, Director's Achievement, Drama, Enthusiastic, Gay Swatch, Horror, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Over the Top, Porn Violence, Scary, Sequel, Stupid Funny, Tough, Trashy, Twisty, Violent, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

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06-Mar-2022


Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) Bites

Scripting black people to complain about cops and confederate flags is not thoughtful. Killing all the black actors anyway, is not giving a shit. Making me confused about female sexuality is a useless gay time thing. Leatherface is nothing without family dependability. He was the icing on the family cake. A family that celebrated meat, farming and death. Icing without cake is a blob. 22-Feb-2022

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Cultural, Fatigue, Gay Swatch, Horror, Over the Top, Porn Violence, Preachy, Repetitive, Retread, Scare Obvious, Shrill Act, Silly, Tacky, Trashy, Wit Crack

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22-Feb-2022


Antlers (2021) Whimper

It makes you ponder things not worth a hill of beans because saying "hello" is not the same as "how are you?" They hired a mama and papa wrecker to be abused by a legend that is more of a stereotype than a mystery. The kids are nasty. I was highly insulted. 22-Feb-2022

Tags: 2020s, Chemistry, Depressing, Disappointment, Fatigue, Horror, Preposterous, Rapey, Scary, Star Watt, Suspense, Violent, Writ w/Possibilities

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22-Feb-2022


Diary Of A Madman (1963) Woof

Hordas are turning confused souls into killers. Hordas are hard to describe. They are ghostly, invisible, well-spoken, manipulating, manly and turn your eyes green before possessing you to avenge their thirst. Vincent Price is a magistrate trying to rehabilitate a killer Horda being legally beheaded because of incriminating evidence. The killer confesses to murder but not being himself. His eyes turn green and threatens a Horda curse. Price fights for his life and accidentally kills him. Price becomes distraught. Things at home are out of place and he's having Venom type conversations with a Horda that lost its home. Counseling convinces him to leave law and punishment and return to sculpting. His first love before his wife and child died. A married goldigger entices Mr. Price to model for him. The bitch that tried to steal Darrin Stephens from Samantha is the model. As soon as she sniffs how affordability can accommodate luxury, her panties wet faster than his clay and her "hot" "poor" husband becomes a blur. The green eye effect is hilarious. It's someone flashing a green light on the actor's eyes and being effective if they never move. They move. They're actors! It's a niche. Gay daddy clinches his part and makes us imagine the rest. "I imagined what kind of gay sex Mr. Price preferred. He definitely smoked like a bandit but I didn't smell much ass action." 16-Feb-2022

Tags: 1960s, Camp, Chemistry, Classic, Conspiracy Theory, Daddy Squish, Director Movement, Drama, Fun, Funny, Gay Swatch, Horror, Inspired, Magnetism, Music Swings, Relationships, Suspense, Words Spoke, Writ Tight

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16-Feb-2022


Candyman (2021) No Moons

Non-movie illustration of why "Oscar So White" is still so prevalent. Candyman is stripped of sensual ferocity, opinion and reason. His myth is re-written and implied by puppetry because the talent wasn't inspired to showcase it. The scares couldn't unhinge a cockroach. The deaths are remote with closeup shots of thick red Kool-aid. The violence is hesitant because most black people are petrified of supernatural violence. It scratches the ghetto but refuses to live in it because black people don't want to return there. Whites have gentrified the ghetto and blacks are mad as hell because they weren't given enough time to make their home livable. "Welfare knocked on my door before I had a chance to straighten up." "Bitch, you know white people can't watch good land go to waste." Blacks with dedication and drive enjoy the gentrified lifestyle while critiquing their hosts and avoiding the nasty parts of their neighborhood. This is all supposed to tie in with a confusing Candyman revenge backstory. The candy was uninspired. It should have looked scrumptious and colorful. It looked like granny's recycled Christmas candy. Only fat kids pick that shit up. It wasn't woke enough to have Colman Domingo fuck Candyman. The film required more gays so Candyman could kill the two. Too bad. In what world are there more cops in the neighborhood than community? 31-Jan-2022

Tags: 2020s, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, Cliche, Coincidence Laden, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Gay Swatch, Horror, Indecipherable, Political, Predictable, Preposterous, Repetitive, Retread, Silly, Tacky, Timid, Writer Weakness

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31-Jan-2022




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