It begins with family authenticity, struggling to keep current and afloat. Super reality sets in and the tingles begin. Oh no! It's going to be bonkers. The cast resolves it. I wasn't sure if the husband was Jackie Chan. I spent a lot of the time being jealous of how young he looked. It was driving me crazy. He can't be, right? When he utilized the master's moves, I thought, that's definitely Jackie Chan. It's a tribute to him and Michelle Yeoh as action heroes but why does he look so fucking young? Terrific surgery perhaps? Ke Huy Quan is as adorable now as he was as a kid in a Spielberg classic. The man was precise. To Lady Yeoh, we gently bow. Stephanie Hsu had fun being all iterations of evil because we had fun too. Jamie Lee Curtis was gnarly. James Hong added his queerisms. The film threw as many cliches as it did new ideas. A win win for art. A film that wipes its imperfections with glorious shots of legends reacting to wonder and giving us soul. 27-Nov-2022

The most enchanting thing about both films is Amy. When her magic is at full tilt, production continues her flow. Dempsey was saddled with a silly storyline and a "send him away" type direction. Women and men no longer want to fight together. It's women's turn to die for what they believe in. Marsden is a pro at acting douchy but cute. Gabriella was just right. Maya stopped fussing and was funny again. The music was almost but it felt like there was an intruder interrupting the grandeur. Some of the songs are juvenile. Idina Menzel wrecking her throat's gift on shitty songs is a never. They made her sing "Let It Glow," again and again. Her magnificent voice gets a full moon. Amy's everything makes you hungry for more. Suburbia works as a stand-in for a magical life but once true magic coaxes itself into reality the ink starts to dry. They gave no magic equations or rules of limitations that we could realistically follow. What kind of magic is in Andalucia? Why did the queen gain power? Is Andalucia in Wakanda? None of the above. They gave no rules because they didn't want to have to follow them. Dude, that's when the best art is created! Full moon to the production in front and back and a boo hoo to the writers for not coming up with something more substantial to say. 18-Nov-2022

Depletion of the ozone layer is making animals at high levels territorial. Crows are the eyes, bears, the muscle, dogs are betrayers and mice, the vermin. There were no cats of the domestic kind. I presumed the dogs ate them. The cast is professional and appealing. The George's marriage radiated on screen. Michael Ansara played a dignified American Indian, proudly. Leslie Nielsen rages in the most asshole kind of way and we love it. He ripped his shirt to shreds because he was committed. I was enthralled. Nice shots of the animals grouping, the child, the after effects of a kill and Andrew Stevens body, face, smirk and Farrah-like hair. A story that deserves what new technology is capable of... without the preach. 26-Oct-2022

An artful relentless mess in which Lord Nicholas takes on religion and splits his asshole kicking its butt. 12-Oct-2022

The dinos are stunning and grandiose, the familiar faces are warm, whatever stole Chris Pratt's mojo ain't giving it back and Bryce Dallas Howard would have stolen the whole shebang had someone written in a Tammy Faye Bakker impression. The movie confirms that in order to save the planet, we must die. (You didn't think we were sacrificing for us or our children, did you?) 11-Oct-2022

Natalie Portman's linebacker is not the gayest thing about the movie, a bodyless rock pining for another rock is. Are you kidding me? I want to see Thor's beautiful ass fucked by Zeus. 12-Sep-2022

I was enthralled with the animated version because the mythology was expansive, well explained and the leads were cute and courageous. An alchemy accident causes two brothers to drastically change and adapt to auto survival skills through a shady world. The Big Bads were vibrant, the fights creative. The live version lets us remember and appreciate the spectacle without superceding it. 21-Aug-2022

Everything stale is reyclable. The desperation to depict a bygone era is unflattering but the actors revive tired stereotypes with charisma and star watt. Sandra Bullock is reserved and ditzy, Channing is too old to model but the right age to fuck and Daniel Radcliffe sucks. 14-Aug-2022

When Predator removes his cloak and mask, its cool. He is a Jamaican space bear with gadgets. A historical portrait of Native American life and how futurism disrupts it. It was clever establishing the unthinkable. Director kept it sturdy and crawling. The heroine was crafted with moxy, determination and brawn. It can proudly stand aside the first. 08-Aug-2022

Making the audience cum doesn't make it good. As soon as the last drip is swallowed, it's forgotten. "I fucked whom?" 23-Jul-2022

The action sequences were fantastic, daddy Bond exhibited sausage and skills. Having muscles didn't hurt. I couldn't decide if the villain was ridiculous because of the actor or the writing. Sap killed the end. Bond doesn't need to announce what he's going to do. It kills the surprise. 24-Jun-2022

The mood is retro energized to soothe us into an 80's coma. There are three sexes applied to Bizarro Chalamet and I can't get over it. Daddy Rudd endured the right cosmetic procedure because he's yummy gay again except he was stupid, useless and shoed. The wall between the generations discouraged charisma amongst the replacements. There was a don't touch me vibe with babies helming a gimmick that keeps the franchise alive but old movie stars resentful. Why do possessed lizards change their outfits willy nilly but man has to suffer in shreds? The first half works because we presume the artist will add a great spin to propel the magic and replace original mistakes. He makes it more of the same. Reitman copies the spins with advanced tech but he doesn't sign off on it. 20-May-2022

The Batman is the only character that suits up. How lonely for him. He's always the freak. The support enact realistic iterations of characters that lit up Batman's mythology to absolutely no effect. The Riddler is a demented teen who was brought up by an unfunny father who worked the mines. The riddles were blah. There is no Riddler without a tight body suit, a tight body and demented cynicism. Daddy Farrell wasted a lot of time in makeup, creating art out of a role that doesn't belong. He is not penguin. I didn't see any top hats, monocles or bullet umbrellas. Michelle Pfeiffer's reign as the best film Catwoman cannot be extinguished. Zoe is an everyday gorgeous girl not a cat. Her cowl is just as cheap and unintelligible as I expected. Her lack of meow hurts. Commissioner Gordon was a lackey. Everything was eeeeewww and he was always waiting for Batman to finish things up for him. Daddy Turturro knew exactly what the director wanted and gave it to us. Alfred and Bruce's interaction was rude. The parental bond was cold. Why hire an Aunt Harriet if she's not going to be an Aunt Harriet? That might have been fun. Oops. Sorry. Fun not allowed. The Twins were cute. Robert Pattinson is the glue you want to stick to because he makes you ponder how his beautifully broken humanity can create life from something he hates. I saw love in Zoe's face when she looked at him. I saw panty dropping aloofness register from his. Batman's narration doesn't mesh with toxic revenge. The moments he celebrated were my cringe. This isn't Batman. He doesn't laud himself or others. He's a lonely motherfucker that hates the world because he lost mommy and daddy to crime and got stuck in a mansion with a pervy butler. Batman's detective work failed from a lack of gadget magic. Yeah! Rich angry fucks love gadgets. Matt Reeves strikes potent pictures but was entrapped by a franchise that is petrified of its origins. The man/woman who gives us comic book Batman with realistic choices will become King of The World. What's the point of hiding in the shadows if everyone can hear you? 18-Apr-2022

Oops. Laurie and Mike are not the brother and sister alluded to in Halloween 2. It was a myth and a modern waste of a great arc. 21-Mar-2022

A scary Christmas tree disrupts the holiday of a royal court by suggesting a game. The tree will sacrifice its life if the hero taking it, returns the kindness a year later. The bastard son who has only been acknowledged this Christmas, volunteers. He becomes a celebrated knight who downed a beast that will eventually down him but is enjoying the best year of his life. The fairytale has no significance. Magic appears without explanation. The voyage is gorgeously dull. The director casts some beautiful shadows and illuminates good acting but confirming that all mistakes in life repeat themselves is depressing. 16-Mar-2022