All Posts Tagged as 'Squish Alert'
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Love Is Blind (2020-)
S1E6. The Lacheys provided an environment that would make the meekest male contestant undress. Hooray for us. Even though the hairier ones set off panic buttons, the men were all lovely and diverse. Ramses deserves a better backstory and a tremendous makeover. Representing a time not connected to us isn't cool. Stephen is a nice man awakening to nefarious deeds. I want a Tyler doll with clothes and without options and a reasonable licking rate. Tim is as shy as a butterfly. Nick D. is a gnome gone hot and it's hard to describe why. If men don't want to be used for their money, they shouldn't talk about it incessantly. "It's like he's asking for it. Should I take it, should I not? Is it impolite to refuse? Is it legal?" Leo equates success with love. His spidey legs are tingly with a drop of venom. Garrett is all smiles, ready to crack. Tim is the cutie with no thigh time and a future mama that doesn't know how to kiss his insecurities goodbye. Squish and water make for magnificent foreplay. Bohdan was the prettiest and most dangerous. 13-Mar-2024
Monsters: Menendez Brothers (2024)
The end road was chock full of accomplished performances. Mr. Lane tapped into heartache and regret and transmitted it to the audience. It was sheer strength. Leslie Grossman found a character that matched her skills like a glove. She was fun. Chavez built as his character progressed. A little askew, unsure but learning. The "cry" bit was genius. Koch appeared wallflowered but eager to surprise. He wore those glasses like Joan Crawford would, with confidence. A very capable group of actors. A hurricane of thoughts strikes briefly to annihilate jury members' votes. It was compelling. I didn't recognize her but there was something about the voice, legend and talent that felt like home. When I realized it was Ms. Lawrence I applauded. The final flashback back-pedaled all the emotions and perceptions that transpired. My vote didn't matter because they figured it out for us. The idea that the parents were blameless because their crimes were invisible does not free them of guilt, sin or karma. The only fact I'm sure about is that the eggs wouldn't have cracked if the parents hadn't laid them. 26-Sep-2024
S1E6. Art no longer belongs to the creator once someone else experiences it. It evolves, balloons then remains stagnant. The brothers are handsome and well-cast. The constant affection between them signified an unbreakable bond. Paying attention is necessary to reap the benefits of arcs and surprises. Sevigny is so accurate in her portrayal that she becomes as lost in the story as the real mother did in life. Good work. Javier is a beautiful monster that masters gut wrench and authority. Episode 6 was, so far, the best. The sex, abuse, the heritage, the privilege and mental enslavement were given honest and heartfelt consideration. It was the first time in a long time that I felt akin to characters that represented me. (It's not always about color, most of the time it's about shared experiences.) Brilliant direction and colorful words added to the episode's crescendo. 25-Sep-2024
Boys, The (2019-)
Besides the maestro, Starlight's rejuvenation was my favorite thing. 22-Jul-2024
Homefucker took twitch to its ultimate, grew from it and became remarkable. Someone invited Smirk to the party so he can curse it? He's still smirking away and sounding like a condescending cunt. The twist befits him like a glove. Yes, I would submit to his gravelly words and old man charms. Is that all A-Train or are there other plastics involved? Nice. Mama's Milk has the right amount of daddy issues. Kimiko and Frenchie are still a power couple even though Frenchie has accent disabilities. Star watt. Starlight's abilities were stifled. The series made me realize that Karl Urban can be fun. Quaid can get away with a lot. Sage was waiting for this all her life and she's acing it. The Deep is reenacting some personal memories. Respect. There are stalling tactics that defy reason. The enemies keep bumping into each other but nobody keeps the promise to slaughter the other. One explanation should suffice. Nepo Homelander is sending Damien vibes. Anthony Starr has a grip on us. 12-Jul-2024
Twitch daddy twitch. 24-Jun-2022
The season belongs to daddy Homefucker. 24-Jun-2022
Shue clenches frustration devoutly, Starr chomps evil gleefully and the end punctuated surprisingly. 26-Aug-2019
Graduating superheroes to the next level...consequences. 17-Aug-2019
I Kissed A Boy (2023-)
S1E6. There are more pronouns than there are twinks. Ben was an acquired taste with monkey energy. Josh felt out of place cruising non-homosexual gays. Ollie would be hotter if he didn't hike up his pants like Fred Mertz. Fred Gwynne is a top! Somebody is breathing the life out of someone who hates cats for a visa. Painted nails on men reminds me of Frankenstein. 19-Jun-2024
Bridgerton (2020-)
Colin loved Penelope like a brother and took passion out of romance. She should've courted Eloise, or at least, Genevieve. A lesbian wedding a must enjoyment. Polly Parker convicted herself as a single woman having to do it all. Two daughters are spoiled and the other lives on social media clouds. Polly turned a villain into a worthy victim and the daughters were hilarious. Cressida is a character for the ages. Madsen slipped into gregarious outfits and ate evil little bitch as a protein. She was awesome. Nicola supplied the right amount of blood. I think Bailey was wasting his humps on a pillow. His wife checked out. Easy fix. She transforms into a man and returns as the beautiful black prince from the first season. The wife wont get fired. They can dedicate a season or two to exploring how she became. I will have a squish party if the boxer comes out or disrobes (not in front of the wife, of course.) It transports us to a beautiful, outlandish, artistic world. 19-Jun-2024
S3E5. The only bump I want to see is on Jonathan Bailey's bum. Colin did not eat Pen like a french pastry and she didn't knock the salt off his pretzel. Intimacy skied into sibling fuckery in frozen waters. He needed to tongue her down, squeeze and suck the shit out of that bounty and impress her and us with Bridgerton "John Holmes" dick. Excellence returned with a sense of humor. Mama and daughter Bridgerton need to swap partners. One deserves a virgin and the other is boring. Can Will Mondrich come out too? 17-Jun-2024
Interracial coupling was not natural. Mrs. Bridgerton didn't freak out and the daughter didn't scream rape because he was dainty, dark and didn't like to talk. 28-May-2024
Are we ever going to see a man work? The owner/bartender doesn't count. He only serves drinks when he's there which is rare. 28-May-2024
Season 3. The most edible one needs to stop the presses. Is it always going to be about the denial that hate is love, marriage is a must and density will guide the way? I mean't destiny. I'm disappointed. The black talent brought it up a notch. Lowering it would have added character depth. "You wowed us." "Provoke me to empathize."
28-May-2024
Season Two was as beautiful as one of Lord Bridgerton's ass muscles. Queen Charlotte. Lady Danbury. Lady Bridgerton. Lady Portia. Eloise. Pen. Wigs. Costumes. Romance. Moooah. 30-Mar-2022
S1E8. A woman wraps up the marriage contract when she can birth a good shank to serve the round table. Men like ideals in women's heads so that our explanations make sense to them. It was brotime, sweetie! They took the cultures out of the equation. We judge them individually. Every actor willed good force. It was fun, it was camp, it was time and we're in it. The ending was delicious and I'm trading the duke in for the boxer. The duke has an "I'm so pretty" snarl. The other looks like my camper. Good job. 28-Dec-2020
S1E7. Mid-thru is an explanation of how black culture became elite. I bought it. The series needs more scandal and debauchery though. I'm replacing yes, daddy with yes, duke. 27-Dec-2020
S1E2. Not necessarily the show I want to binge on after mother telling me my black is white but it's Shonda so I'll give it a go. The shock of seeing black empowered gentleman and ladies of the pre-Victorian era makes my brain explode with fact check assumptions. I don't because I want to accept it on its own merit. Most of the cast whistles, foams and pours whilst the rest couldn't get out of their modern heads. The business at hand is to score the most pristine and delicate virgin hopefully with fine manners (a "yes girl") to fulfill a man's dream of future family and success. A woman's power is to profit from the business, band and thwart any mismatch that might bring a daughter harm and make sons proud. Shonda adds her sight of man appreciation, Shondaspeare fast talk and on your knees intrigue. I remember Nicola Coughlan because I wanted to eat her like she ate that cake. She's delicious. The picture for myself didn't get any clearer because I'm watching black people pretending to live whites lives. It makes the future modern brain wonder what the hate was all about. 26-Dec-2020
Shogun (2024)
Powerhouse acting, words on defense and beauty on blast. It was a poem about life. Fighting for faith is not the same as fighting for yourself. Freedom depends on that acknowledgment. Cosmo Jarvis had Ryan Phillippe looks and a great butt but he didn't need them. His eyes sparkled with information and coquetry. His voice, manly and protective. His gestures great and small. He also supplied some of the funniest bits. Hiroyuki Sanada was kingly. He cast vibrations just being. The writers understood that Anna Sawai was representing historical heritage. They made sure that her empowerment was befitting to her surroundings and that she apply it. Boy, did she ever. Suffering makes a hero, conviction makes a fighter and death equals longevity. The squad was perfection. 23-Apr-2024
E9. Mariko's heroism and heartbreak puts every female superhero actress to shame. 22-Apr-2024
Eventful television. 23-Mar-2024
Love Is Blind (2020-)
Reunion. I know Izzy was there so I could mentally lick him from head to toe and tongue the thing that he finds so interesting in his mouth. Every time Clay talked I wished they had cut to Izzy. I think his therapy was acting classes. He was a Shakespearean ham. If he really tried psychotherapy, I want proof. Show us how many anti-psychotic meds they prescribed. Jimmy got dragged because he can't tell time, has a big dick, awesome teeth and tells women the truth. Geez, does that mother spend any time with her daughter? Dude, what happened to You? He looks like his pregnant wife. Nick cleared the Lacheys from any liability. The reason that they failed at marriage isn't the Lacheys fault. The contestants' parents suck. Clay and the other homeless got to eat one more free meal before begging for future dinners. 13-Mar-2024
What part of "I'm engaged to a dick" did AD not understand? The latina has no idea what it's going to be like to share a blue eyed baby maker with her friends. She might have to slash some tires. Jimmy's speech was arousing. I had a desire to squish his face and lick his teeth again. The only parts of a fairy tale that are true are the bad ones. It's immature to keep believing in them. 07-Mar-2024
Forget thighs, we've got some roasted turkeys this season. Nick, you sly dog you, for teaching married eeked out men that they too can enjoy life after blind marriage.
If we have to change so much to maintain a relationship, then what is the point of being ourselves? They should add acting classes to sex education. 23-Feb-2024
E6. Unless Nick Lachey does something drastic, like wear shorts or tights, thigh season is over. Meet and greet was made uncomfortable by three Razzie nominees. Not only was AD not Barbie, she wasn't even Barbie's black friend. Petite means childlike. How could she not understand the reference? Her intense desire to get married trumped it. Clay can recognize that she is beautiful but she doesn't fulfill his type. He played along because it's better than waiting for his mother's social security check to deposit and he gets to eat fine food in paradise for free with a bombshell woman that his dick wont easily glide into. At the reunion, AD lent all the men her flopping attention, pinpointed her fuck target as Chelsea noticed and put one on her. The most hilarious meet and greet happened to Jimmy, his car salesman pitch, sexy tone and granite (but squishy) conceit, made it obvious to the audience that he was displeased when he saw her. He stopped before sitting to look at the camera directly and threaten it. He lied and charmed but kept giving clues to the viewers that yes, I'm no prince either but I have smooth skin, a cheeky smile, some hair, squishiness, and a big fat dick. At the group honeymoon, Jimmy focused on AD's chest and wanted everybody to know it, but especially AD and his fiancee. The way he approached AD is probably the same way he approaches all scared women wherever he goes. The first red flag was his face because all you can say to it is "what a bad boy you are" and lick his teeth. Laura is the last nominee. She did better than the guys but her compliments flitted by and bit. During the honeymoon she insinuated that fiancee's penis was as big as a baby banana. He pretended not to hear her. I can't wait until she shares the anecdote with the group. If you use gorgeous and beautiful constantly as a description it loses its validity. It's also disingenuous. Jeramy might need evaluation. His immaturity is prepubescent. It looks like someone cheats. The Lacheys must do everything in their power to bring back thighs. Never tell your girlfriends about fiancee's dick. At least two will find it secretly tempting and doable. 17-Feb-2024
S6E1. I was starting to get worried. There were no man thighs worth motorboating. TG Trevor showed up and was appropriately dressed. He knows how to play the game. The male pods' temperature should always be much higher than the women's. Matthew has great talk but is pre-recorded. Clay asked AD to confirm she was a Barbie doll. That damn movie. 19-Oct-2023
Ricky Stanicky (2024)
It doesn't get worst than this. There were only two funny bits, the drowning dog and the girl's hair. 08-Mar-2024
Rebel Moon: A Child On Fire (2023)
The handsomest director in Hollywood makes a movie of wonder. It's a what if Star Wars account of what a boy imagines. The movie is crisp and lighting glows with clarification. He brought all the elements but kept it, mostly western. The effects glide, Anthony Hopkins is a beautiful thing, Djimon Hinsou wowed in a semi birthday suit, the alpha bodies were to die for, the story never strayed from its path and the action sequences held. Unfortunately, our heroine was flat, unsympathetic and a cold lesbian killing machine. It was realistic to see a man kick the shit out of a woman, threaten rapes of virgins and pretty straight boys and for races to exist as different societies. Snyder recreates scenarios oft repeated and makes them look bright but not all the senses can see. 23-Dec-2023
Golden Bachelor, The (2023)
Fuckboy! 01-Dec-2023
Daddy couldn't help himself from trying the new luggage he won on Let's Make A Deal. He showed Leslie how wires helped him move around the house and bestowed on Theresa, only sexual regard. 20-Nov-2023
Daddy gold was forced to walk and run, though I believe the run was CGI'd. Gerry was very vague when discussing how he felt about Theresa to her grandchildren and daughter. When he eye fucked Theresa's daughter she reacted like she liked it. I'm sure she wasn't listening to anything he was saying because he was saying that he wasn't in love with her mother. Either he let the cat out of the bag or he's a better actor than I thought. I ponder why Gerry is called Gary when it should be Jerry. 03-Nov-2023
Palmer didn't eyefuck anybody because he wasn't alone with them. Oh well, there's still paradise. Is the show on realtime? Do they walkie talkie what the public thinks to the producers? They made daddy walk. He only walked a few steps but every time he asked to walk a girl out he was holding on to them for dear life. When he opened the car door for a dumped, the producers rigged his suit jacket to hold him up. Good wire work. If talking about your ex on a first date is rude, why does it get a pass in old age? We found out that daddy is not made of gold, he bruises whenever a woman he doesn't care for touches him. Maybe, she's made of fire. 27-Oct-2023
What pickle ball means: Age deteriorates the quality of the vegetable, but rarely causes them to actually become unsafe for consumption IMO. Pickling is used to preserve foods and in the environment of brine, they last pretty well forever. That said, the texture and flavorings are going to get funky after a couple of years. 20-Oct-2023
Whilst the ladies were slapping old man's balls our daddy gold was sitting. When he appeared on an ATV he sat throughout. He made out with any lips that came towards him, sitting down. The rose ceremony took much longer because daddy had to sit after every rose. He pretended to be a gentleman but we know the handicapped woman helped him walk out. That lady whose daughter was getting married as she was clapping balls didn't give two shits. Mother is not a title but an action. I'm sure the son-in-law was relieved she wasn't there to fuck up his wedding. Becoming ill was karma. Not telling women playing I've Never... that she was milk intolerant was like going to an orgy and having sex with everybody whilst knowing you have crabs. Captain Sandy with a wig has munched on ladies before but is a bottom, now. A judge Judy superfan told another contestant to ziploc her joy. 20-Oct-2023
I tuned in because I wanted to survey the old hunk. There is no way a 72 year old can look that good. He's handsome, a people pleaser, tastes like Spanish Fly and wants to fuck. He proved his age when it took him about twenty minutes to put on his shoes. Good editing. Wink, wink. There were no Goldiggers amongst the 20 but I noticed a few madams and ex whores. Including younglings would have created the tension women of that age experience. Most of the elder women were loopy, defining an era that's no longer safe. I like Ellen. I don't know why but I do. One of the women looked like Captain Sandy in a black wig, the Maude impressionist was kicked out, Jesse eye-fucked the bachelor and I felt grandpa's burden. Every time he votes out an eccentric aunt, America will judge him. "The man is dumping grannies!" 30-Sep-2023
Bachelor In Paradise (2014 - )
The producers made daddy Palmer look like one of the weird kids from The Polar Express. His eyes didn't move, they dialed down the light, the sparkle and he started looking through people, not at them. My apologies, sir, I thought it was a beautiful thing. 12-Nov-2023
Oh no! I think the show is on realtime. The new girl said Brayden looked like Johnny Depp, nobody threw anything in the ocean and worst of all, they restricted daddy Palmer's cornea movements! No more eye fucking. They cut away just as soon as tears started to stream down his face. 04-Nov-2023
Mr. Palmer is a faithful husband. He only eyefucks men. It was fun to see Wells eat his burrito, though. Somebody looked like they were going to join a supremacist group after getting dumped. Brayden is a pirate that has all the women aflutter. Can all the girls fuck him and dump him so I can stop obsessing about him? Were asses covered up because they pooped themselves or because we might get excited? Yo, you can't be the fairer sex if you believe everything a man says. Kat's birthday cake looked nasty. Why are these people allowed to throw anything into the ocean? Doesn't she know that Flipper can get diabetes? 28-Oct-2023
Woohoo! The Palmer eye-fucked the newbie in an episode where not much happened. If you're demanding honesty from a man, don't do it like Kat. She hates the truth. 23-Oct-2023
Brayden's beauty suffers intense consequences because he can't deliver. Sean looks like a dream prince that Dreamworks dreamed up. There is no rational reason why Will should act sensitive when being dumped. Aaron needs to butt fuck his girl so she can stay regular and alive. She is a walking testament of why travel sucks. Wells is a cute package that the contestants keep unwrapping. The theme is past promises made to people they weren't attracted to and the people who can't accept it. Jesse Palmer hasn't eye-fucked anyone and that's worrisome. They're so good. Men only! The thighs are wide, the legs are nice, the men have bite, are succulent and falling apart for trying to make someone else happy. Is this how toxic masculinity is created? 18-Oct-2023
Deep Fake Love (2023-)
S1E6. The hostess melted ice like climate change and gave a grieving contestant a much appreciated mom hug. Sweet. 09-Jul-2023
S1E5. Our European brethren don't fuck around. Fright and overreaction. The moment the couples landed on Lost Island they were jittering, twitching and sweating for things that they already had. The show separates partners into Venus and Mars locations, presuming Venus is for bottoms and Mars is for tops or they could be trying to trick us and its the other way around. The object of the game is to observe footage of their frolicking partners on another planet and guess whether the footage was real or faked for cash. The reactions were so hysterical that I stopped snoring so I could laugh. Latinos invented drama by spelling it. The first time they go into the White Room, they are shown footage of their counterparts in real or inappropriate interactions. Things get dicey when the real clips got racier than the fake ones and the tricks are on them. The test doesn't want to fix the relationship but the individual. Why does the gay couple only get one temptation? I'd expect two each, at least. The hostess is a chillmeister. The contestants were crying hysterically after watching shocking footage and instead of being motherly she pushed them to answer if they thought it was real or fake. She's the only one that got wardrobe money, too. 08-Jul-2023
Witcher, The (2019-)
The half season was a trip down Xena memory lane without the charms of Xena, Gabrielle and or thrilling action. The action suffered from premature ejaculation. Over before it begins. GOT talk keeps reminding us how powerful Ciri is. Isn't three seasons enough time to finally see it and not constantly hear about it? I'd recast with more charisma and revamp with better professionals. Replacing just the main character is going to be wonky and talky and I want them all to feel as uncomfortable as I felt watching this season. I shifted interest in character to decipher if the actors really liked each other. 06-Jul-2023
S3E2. I'm savoring them/him. I hear GOT talk incessantly. That is not the cure for acceptance or sleepiness. 04-Jul-2023
S3E1: A toxic female can destruct a man's mythology but his heroism will reign supreme. Welcome back, daddy. 03-Jul-2023
Daddy dropped the hush a notch and it was sexy. A daddypalooza overwrote the overwrought female wokeness. The RPG "come to life" was fun. The mythology became a scientific equation instead of a scientific marvel. Can we find another solution to good girl being possessed by evil besides giving her a conscious? Bummer. Istredd. Boom! Dijkstra. Yes! Joey Batey. Lick, yeah! Neneke. Your highness. Daddy Supe speaks for itself. The females need more realism and the mythology needs better surprises. 27-Dec-2021
Daddy is something else but it was the ladies that kept me glued. 18-Jan-2020
Of course, I'm disquieted by the froggish whisper of the Witcher but he delivers comitted action moves and steady alpha charisma. Interspersed characterization maintains the show's freshness. (Is it part of its mythology that all pretty twinks get killed?) 15-Jan-2020
Porn Theatre (2004)
Before social media, gay men congregated in straight porn theaters for sex and sympathy. They made money, were entertained, became excited, desired, it curbed loneliness and they got to fuck some woman's husband. Drags, trans and sissy boys roamed the theater like rats, scurrying around, scoping the cheese and avoiding the light while cheese daddy sat still with his legs wide open, waiting to be licked clean for respect and/or money. Street King Daddy shit. Sex is thrust upon us. It makes the impact real. The hunt is on. Sexual simulation stimulated when real or fake. Conversations skillfully explained where the community was at. Some of the players counted how many big dicks they sucked that night. Were they given a discount? The ticket manager was a sad hetero too old to attract a fuck. She thinks that convincing a gay crush to marry her would become an arrangement they both could enjoy. I could see it as a Broadway musical. It takes very little time to establish character purpose and that's great for the film. It provides the map to how we got here. 27-Jun-2023
Danny Thomas Show, The (1953-1965)
There seems to be silence on the legacy of this classic sitcom. It started as Make Room For Daddy and mushroomed into The Danny Thomas Show. I saw all of the latter and only a handful of the other. The actress playing his wife, in the first half, had disdain for the man and it showed. Her composure did not scream nurturing, romantic or in love. Wrong place for the wrong actress. Danny played a version of himself. He was a singer/comedian who worked nightclubs. Jabbing at Danny's Lebanese culture was open, respectful and knowledgable. Lucy & Desi were his parents (friends) and Dick Van Dyke was his cousin (spin-off.) The show was blessed with energetic ideas, comic genius and non-stop showmanship. Danny must have learned how Lucy did it because he found his cute and sarcastic wit. Second wife was glamorous, vindictive, funny and hot. Marjorie Lord went shopping with Lucy Ricardo, cooked in fashion, got him in the mood and plotted her revenge in a very elegant and comical manner. The son is a scene stealer. Even when he made a mistake he diverted it with more funny. His adorability peaked in his tweens and crashed in his teens but he had a memorable run. Funny as fuck. The daughter was a prime teen that left before her character became unbearable. She had her moments. Louise was the household maid that was played by two elder pros. She got to hug white children, gossip with the wife, celebrate as a family member and sass the boss. A proud black woman. She isn't in all the episodes but the character remained til the end. The guest stars were numerous. The writers succeeded in incorporating them into strong storylines. The topics were basic, like feminism, how men can't do anything right, a woman can do anything men can do, a gift abolishes snarls and make-up sex is her way of accepting an apology. Penny from Lost In Space enters as a cute sister moppet that was supposed to bring adorability and sunshine. She was a work in progress. She laughs during line readings and when Mr. Thomas is doing his thing. She's cute and annoying. He was a great teacher, though. He hands a season to his working buddy and his domineering wife, played by the original Ursula from the Little Mermaid. It was an odd experiment giving supporting players full reign. They had to fill really big shoes and were no longer the sitcom air freshener. Ursula flopped around like she was getting paid to play charades on land. She was a bit too much. Danny was a ham. He sang in almost every episode. He shoved it down our throats but was so adamant and easy going that we learned to accept it and stopped praying that he didn't sing in the next episode. They had minorities galore and a successful run from the 50s through the 60s. Well-written, comical, consistent and timeless. One of a kind. Why don't we ever celebrate it? 06-Jun-2023