TV Posts Tagged as 'Squish Alert'
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90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? (2016-)
Angela acted up a storm quantifying why she chose dik before mom. Octus ran out of Brazilian opportunists and blamed his mom for his douchery. Mama Bates deduced that Norman must fend for himself and she laughed and laughed. Syngin couldn't figure out if to get fatter or stay home. I'm still fucking Andrei with my eyes closed. Asuelu can't claim to be the head of a tribe if he doesn't provide for it. If he is the chief the mother claims him to be, there would be no money problems because big man would have earned it. Fuck him Kalani. More Eric ass "money shots" and Larissa charms enclosed. 23-Sep-2020
Kalani & Asuelu. Asuelu's family is a condition of suffering and bullshit that Kalani and her children don't need to burden themselves with. Elizabeth & Andrei. He's a monster you greedily fuck but never stare deep at. The wedding was mafia orchestration with lots of pork for meaty man ass and aggressive bulges. Sweet daddy footed the bill and big brother spat indignation. Paul & Karine. I finally understand why he took Karine to the shit chocolate waste factory. He wanted to show her that the worst places in America are still better than her hometown. What a dik. Colt sounds and looks like Octus from Sym-Bionic Titan, has the etiquette of an unwanted hand slider and creepy as fuck. His contempt and desire for women bulldozes their goals. Mother is the beast he can't slay so every woman is fodder. Larissa & Eric. Larissa was knocked out under plastic so Eric enacted a silly skit where it appeared he waited hours (7 mins. tops) but it was just an excuse to watch him pace back and forth. It was all fake worry and new booby play anticipation. Without the charms of Larissa to entertain us the cameraman oddly opted to focus on Eric's sloppy, puffed out and squishy ass print. 14-Sep-2020
Below Deck: Mediterranean (2016-)
The female staff dressed as transexuals for rich man money. Chef Robin (w/out Batman) had a hissy over warm temp fish. Rich people eat food below a 5 temperature. Wow. So is a 12 poor people food? Captain supported the Chef hissies up to a point. As soon as he thought wearing panties constituted a vagina, Cap put her in her place. He was still backdoor bitchy but an ass-fingering calmed him down. Pretty Jesus pretended his dick was a cucumber. Pretty Jesus and rocket were getting it on when Deck Ratched established that rich assholes don't pay to watch the holy fuck. Really? 22-Sep-2020
Male money devised a rich plan to swipe female crew. Teach them self-defense and let them win. Hysterical.
Aesha missed "normal" people.
Chef Nasty Fucker lost it over some fresh dick sponges that didn't arrive in time. 14-Sep-2020
The snow sifter moved the boat all by herself and saved two lives. Lots of energy. She saved a charter that confused her high legs with her sea legs and a comrade that floats. A charter concocted a clever way to call her friend a fat fuck. She only apologized after hot daddy snapped her neck back into place. Chef served no legs but bounteous food. I wished it had been the other way around. A sense of draining exhaustion hit pretty Jesus when his ex reached out. I saw his dik shrink during his Shakespearean outbursts and disappear when his rocket sat next to him. It's ok rocket, his next girlfriend is going to fuck the pretty right out him. 31-Aug-2020
Post Hannah all is a celebration of what I term "cute." Romance rides the waves to titanic (disaster,) dancers make it back onboard (fear), fuckers got trained to listen (men,) guests returned to sliming (sex,) all because Hanna no longer breathes the same air. I miss being depressed with Hannah...and Kiko. 25-Aug-2020
Captain got "Ellen" on Hannah.
Hannah was lawfully hoisted.
Malia kept lawfully exonerating herself, for the cameras. (Boat snatching is a job requisite.)
A charter who wanted to make Bugs a bunny brought a 32" dildo onboard for the crew to connect with and for Bugs to twirl. They missed a golden opportunity by not introducing it to the captain. The dildo wasn't as offensive as the person who needed it and used it.
Complicit Chef leggy suffers from prissy imperfection anxiety. Shells on a shell plate is a no no. White people don't chew. It's suck, swallow. No wonder Malia needs control of the boat. 17-Aug-2020
New sweet gams squish.
Malia commandeered the entire boat but mostly Hannah, so she can have squishy time with her boyfriend. A deed that would end up in court if a man lead the charge.
Why is Adam allowed worst sexual innuendo etiquette than dickhand? Where's dickhand? 11-Aug-2020
90 Day Fiance: Couples Tell All (2019)
The word soulmate has been destroyed for me. Why does anyone think that another soul can be connected to you for eternity but not death. Tania is the female empowerment culled from watching too much Nick sitcoms and Jane The Virgin. Syngin needs to squish right out of there before he turns to squash. Anny. He's looting your ass. Mamita tell the grandmother you want a job in porn. Too bad for the cute kid. Juliana & Michael. I hope to see the Lifetime version of how it went down ten years later. Lesbian Ex Killers... Fuck 'em attitude all the way. Emily & Sasha. Girl, he fucked me at the gym. Good luck not reaching for them cookies. Jasmin is so ravenous that she turned Blake's eyes blue. Anna & Mursel. I can't tell if it's genuine but her son Joey isn't opposed to the marriage because he lost control of the household it's because he really thinks something is afoot and mama ignored it. The psychology is outdated. Mike & Natalie. Natalie is calling bullshit on the process by establishing that there is more than one reason to get a green card, she' just being brutally honest about the demands. Nice men always follow bad boys by giving everything but pleasure. Mike & Juliana. Walking on broken glass. Michael & Angela. Angela is the aggressor that will lead you out of danger. Her hopes and dreams are so gigantic that she almost makes it seem possible. She deserves to get herself some. Angela, the buffoons have been cursed. Wink, Wink. Twitch. Kaboom! 30-Aug-2020
Dick Van Dyke Show, The (1961-1966)
S4E23. Girls Will Be Boys. The Petrie boy is being bullied by a girl. Mama ideation triumphed in getting him to open up and supported him in his hurt but it didn't solve the problem. The violence continued even with parental interference. Sexual identity was contemplated, a boy's role in the world was catapulted and the talent was given the opportunity to portray gender conflict with laughter and honor. Daddy Perfect Hands believes boys shouldn't hit girls. Daddy Perfect Hands grows tired of the dainty threat and instructs his son to pummel her. It was resolved with sexual harassment. Equality. 15-Aug-2020
Brilliant mad men and women. 30-Jun-2020
Daddy suffering (Ken) hijacked it with an hilarious rap and alpha domination. I like to hear Shiv, I like to say Shiv, I love to watch Shiv. Holly Hunter (Rhea) is the clamped whisperer. When she nips it she doesn't let go. Tom shreds himself to death attempting to bare the soul of a character that rarely sees it. Culkin plays his character like he has no dick. Funny. Nobody messes with daddy. Writers that want to keep their jobs and a production that keeps on pushing it. It consummates on a boat big enough to fit two Below Decks in it. It was all about respect. 08-Aug-2020
The best corporate fuckers on TV. 06-Aug-2020
A malted shake with only whipped cream. That's a lot of protein. 24-Jul-2020
S1E3 found daughters giving handjobs, alphas verifying status on staircases and daddies snapping their tongues. I am no longer floating, my feet are firmly planted. 18-Oct-2019
Exposing how the family dynamic exploit each other for success. The sticks have returned:
Brian Cox - daddy doesn't need a stick
Nicholas Braun (Greg) - he'll carry anyone's stick
Alan Ruck (Connor Roy) - he licks them
Kieran Culkin (Roman Roy) - he shoves them up his nose
J Smith-Cameron - she's not carrying anyone's stick
Jeremy Strong (Kendall Roy) - alpha in the making swings his own. 18-Oct-2019
My childhood babysitter and educator. I was two years old when I started watching. It brought sunshine to my quarantine and provided safety through aquatic adventure. A single man in charge, raising two boys with self reliance, love of environment and respect for girls. That's sweet. They twink and survive despite the shortcomings of mostly socializing with nature and as a child I appreciated that. Flipper is a marvel mostly because he was the adorable pet that didn't pee or poop on your carpet. He was portrayed mostly by females with remarkable underwater scenes and perfected animal training. The sound effects are classic recognition. Women helped write and created a diverse set of women in charge. It's a dreamy place to live and it helps lull me to sleep. Brian Kelly was bad news to a gay child. Daddy distraction. 28-Jul-2020
A woman running from privilege and crippling family expectations, an immigrant daddy breaking all the rules so his family can taste freedom, a daddy enforcer justifying the cruelty of his position and the family he needs to provide for and a woman in charge drowned by logistics and empathy. Everyone looking for a state that will unleash them and love them.
The immigrants leave a torturous country to protest in the land of sanctuary.
Yvonne Strahovski whacks insanity into our heads until she/us can't take it. Jai Cortney daddy hulks with great emotion. Rachel House nails scary bitch. The colorful cast represents with dignity.
Well thought and gruffly executed to punch a message through. "Just one of you have to matter."
Below Deck: Mediterranean (2016-)
The guests were of the masterly type. A grunt called Hannah, Bugs Bunny. That's okay. Hannah called them assholes. Oysters made Hannah hop like a service animal for the rest of the charter.
Captain got dirty.
The rocket is about to land.
Pete knows how to eat and suck on meat bones.
Kiko kicks ass.
That's a fine pretty table, Bugs. 05-Jul-2020
There's a dickhand on board.
Hannah shut the base of an Ace, handled children like flopping fish and got pied in the face.
Captain pied crew members in their face.
The men denied, apologized and mind plotted... revenge.
A rocket was launched.
Kiko did his thing. 24-Jun-2020
Hannah frightened her employee.
Lara sought battle with Hannah by scary military code.
Chef Kiko. I'd lick his plates and nothing else.
The deckhands. Something you mechanically bull ride because you're wrecked.
Neither scientist or cis straight I be to recognize that Jessica is a rocket. (Don't explode.)
Don't call her sweetheart, sweetie or any words with calories. Call her daddy White.
Captain Sandy is commanding more than a boat. Good for her. 15-Jun-2020
Captain Sandy finally twirled her balls and her skirt. 25-Sep-2019
The Flintstones put aside shenanigans to celebrate hard work but only the certified kind. Gifted is out, snobbery is forever. 20-Jul-2019
Wet snouts all season. 12-Sep-2018
I guess its okay to present a woman with an unknown penis if it has vodka in it. 18-Jul-2018
The client reference sheet for food exemplifies how the rich can add waste to the environment. 13-Jun-2018
Rules and liability specifications are locked, there's room for us to guess which crew member will fuck up the hardest and the first clients were "Plantation Rich" (they think having money means they pay for enslavement.) 16-May-2018
Highlights include a lady captain and a lamentable pup, love-thrashed by a pocket siren that exhumes growls and sniffs from the male crew. Hannah quips her way through most of it but then succumbs to the lunacy that all are indulging in. Kate, your turn. 16-Aug-2017
It's everything the initial is yet augmented in the unbalanced crew department. The commander seems perplexed by his spiky helpmates and we shall be banqueted until our brains too become unhinged. It's a preferable fix to the housewives and it fulfills AHS: Asylum munchies. The hottest is the most baked. 30-Jun-2016
Love Island Australia (2018-)
I missed the UK version so much that I resorted to this backup. This is a different animal, full of seriousness and ferocity.
The men are cave dwellers and the women, the suppliers that keep toxic men conquering.
If all a woman wants is bigness, handsomeness, grunting and darkness you are forsaking the feminist dream.
The brutality of what each sex stands for baffles me. 29-Jun-2020
The sea bursts with trans merms, foreign landers and common ground.
The throuple endangers itself for the esteem of want and need.
Eline Powell stamped her signature on otherworldly and frightening beauty.
An interracial cast that realistically blends.
The mythology holes don't stop me from digging it.
The aqua war delivered TV best.
The characters can't stop me from caring for it.
Women own the water that men feed from.
It's an analogy for many things but the message is to respect all life.
Beautiful colors of the universe are united to show us their TV Q.
The daddies are pretty big things, rescuing respectfully and allowing the women, heroism.
The throuple has me banging my head. It's hot, unique, eek and curious.
The mythology is well done, the effects don't suck and my favorite merman is chocolate. 23-Jun-2020
S1E3. I'm getting Kyle XY jitters along with Carrie mermaid spooks. It takes us away from the muck and asks that we be entertained. 16-Jun-2020
House of Flowers (2018)
S3. They smeared dark paint and punched holes into what could have been a masterpiece. Everything we cherished was punished, everything celebrated, got cursed and everything funny, nagged. The backstory was a cheap attempt to keep us interested in the life of a woman that presently doesn't exist. It's hurtful and pointless. Everything gay has become annoyance and everything Paulina De La Mora has been shredded. The only thing left is the frame. 29-May-2020
Scouring the family axis with joy. 02-Oct-2019
Normal People (2020-)
I quit after two episodes for its robotic love story and for making a half, feel like a full hour. If its purpose is to instruct us on how to navigate teen angst, sex and love, I can't empathize. By twelve, I and most of my brethren were already bona fide sluts (thanks, daddies) and my input wasn't necessary. It reeks of social parenting, enforcement and naive privilege. The writers believe that if you preach hard enough, it will spill into reality. Daisy Edgar-Jones is neither ugly, weirdly or enticing enough to elaborate on an inconsistent sketch of a girl who is written to be all of those things. It's hypocritical. Paul Mescal is wasting his beautiful ass, nobody else matters and nothing happens. 05-May-2020
One Day at a Time (2017-)
I will always have affection for these people but I truly hope they find that thing this season lost. 04-May-2020
S4E3. E1 and E2 had me worried. It was loud and high strung in celebration of a second chance, feeling like a parody of itself. Episode 3 brought masturbation realness and hilarity, peak character delight and mama diva (Moreno) steal moments. The hardest I've laughed all year. 10-Apr-2020
All about relationships. Gracias. 03-Mar-2019
Motivating argument about the rules modern life coerces. Proficiently displayed, adoringly regarded and stamping the sitcom with the purpose TV forgot. 13-Feb-2019
Justina Machado is excellent and Rita Moreno embodies everything we miss about a Golden Girl. They've added superior daddy squish and the support is amiable reinforcement. Cheers. 01-Mar-2018
At first glance, you are inclined to think that this is an exploitation of a classic and respected series with token latino stereotypes. By the fourth episode you realize that it chose this community to depict because it needs updating the most and it feeds right into the original's claim. It's hard raising a latin family when the men are scarce and the women try to empower themselves at the cost of tradition. There are times you will be transported to all those arguments Lear presented between classic characters, fair to each but being persistent that the last word goes to the changing present. Justina Machado plays Penelope Alvarez with the same amount as distraught, parental overprotection and survivor's challenge that Bonnie Franklin's Ann Romano did. Rita Moreno's accent is old fashioned pastiche but she is a full character, beloved and is having a helluva time making us laugh. The kids aspire for realness instead of cute and Schneider is cute without the creep. 30-Jan-2017
Bad Education (2020)
The face of the righteous has a melting soul.
Hugh is big daddy, fulfilling a demanding feat. He teases us with his nice boy swag, making us feel comfortable, ripping layers and gnawing at his mentality. He floors like a man realizing his obsession is a sick heart aching for love of any kind.
Janney's gift is to steal acts, to be good or to be great. She is all.
Ray Romano is the grand daddy of kvetch, owning it with common sense and delivering it like a real person.
Geraldine Viswanathan displayed the smarts and determination the character needed.
The support was a menage of cultural brilliance.
Awkward, tricky and... bam!
(Society builds too much pressure in people.)
Married At First Sight (2014-)
Season Finale/Reunion. The doctor punched bluebeard, host daddy was a hormonal explosion and the show followed my script to the letter. I felt sorry for the last married couple on earth as they endured the horrors of others' relationships. Austin, particularly looked sick. The show is getting very close to hosting Fear Factor editions but is having fun on it's way there. 25-Apr-2020
S10. It's been tough relating or tolerating this season.
The experts are sinking into quack territory.
Mandy finally got rid of Bluebeard (Zach.) Hooray!
Taylor and Brandon. He's just stalling until the next bout of insecurity hits so he can explode. Run, girl.
Meka and Michael. A man doesn't change...he pretends. Run, girl.
Jessica and Austin. He will say I love you as soon as you forgive his first business travel discrepancy.
Katie and Derek. He's privileged and she's insecure. Eek.
Giving everyone a lie detector test before the show would give the experts some cred and avoid giving us another inadmissible season. 27-Mar-2020
S7E6. Naivete about the experiment is no longer viable because the mice have been coached by previous seasons. It's the show's sanity at test because the mice are the new experts that will mold the show through its entirety. As each season passes and we tire of them, the couples will most likely end up swapping with each other (see season 5, alpha Ashley Petty deserved alpha Cody Knapek and Anthony deserved for Danielle to put him on a diet.) The premise will continue to work because God's plan brought them together. The queens giving men sex, before and after catastrophe struck, was downright professional. 23-Oct-2019
Uh Oh. S6. Shawniece and Jephte made adorability joyous. May they enjoy an 88. 20-Oct-2019
S5E7. Fuck the experts, listen to the dogs! 05-Oct-2019
Experts encouraging couples to overlook red flags in a marriage because pretense defeats how a person feels. 21-Sep-2019