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All Posts Tagged as 'By the Numbers'

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A Quiet Place: Day One: (2024) Whimper

A movie where silence is golden only resonates with "good face" actors. Lupita is characterized as an unpleasant doom manipulator. The cat that doesn't meow really pissed me off. By making the cat mute they missed out on fresh ideas and unforgettable scenes. Hounsou was relegated to extra. The action repeats but it doesn't refresh. More monster exposition would have added coherence and sustainability. What is their backstory? What happened to the crying babies? Deaf people who can talk? The rules of the game were acknowledged rather swiftly and the setups were obvious and corny. Pizza, really? 08-Jan-2025

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Director Experiment, Fatigue, Horror, Horror Mild, Inactivity, Retread, Sequel, Silly, Slow, Timid, Writer Weakness

Filed under: Movies

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08-Jan-2025


Hot Frosty (2024) Bites

I found a good reason for Frosty to be fit. A witch froze him a long long time ago, blah, blah, blah, he turned into a fat snowman because of the harsh weather and has been resurrected several times. The more he melts after resurrection affects how many more pounds he sheds in the next rebirth. He meets his end when he turns into a puddle, a 100 sequels and years later. 17-Nov-2024
I am aware that this is supposed to be stupid but the title is a gimmick that is lightly actualized. Did he have to be so skinny? The ice sculpture he popped out of weighed more than him. There are way more hotter big men that can make you believe they are snowmen. Being safe is its biggest problem. How does anyone stretch their artistic wings when they have to self efface at every opportunistic turn? Magic is basically zip. Snowman has no abilities except quick learning and hot flashes. He'll melt when he's ready. A bit mythology wouldn't have hurt and it would have helped us connect. He's the blank iceman that women dream up when everything else dries up. (It's a good cooking companion.) 17-Nov-2024

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, By the Numbers, Cheeky Acting, Cliche, Cold, Comedy, False Action, Fantasy, Holiday, Sap, Silly, Timid, Vague, Wit Crack

Filed under: Movies

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17-Nov-2024


Diplomat, The (2023-) HowlUpgrade

They saved the best for last and her name was Allison Janney. Calling Keri out on her locks was everything I was mentally bitching about. It was enough to shut me up. The season was a cyclone of talent that kept it grandiose. Giyasi is still fuckable and in-charge, Ato gave Stuart human qualities that rendered the character emotionally available, pretty face returned to play the perfect foil to Keri's harried Kate and I forgot that Ali Ahn can act. She was liquid butter. I normally want to squeeze Kinnear's face but his transformation into a scumbag made me respectfully afraid. Keri was the queen holding court and fighting battles like a mama wrecker. The only politic I need. 07-Nov-2024
Kerri Russell rules, the cast is appeasing and her husband is a beautiful daddy-banana distraction. Keri mama wrecks with intelligence, comic skills and a "who gives a fuck attitude." The sense of humor traverses beyond the obvious and bare feelings are portrayed to fulfillment. We were allowed inside the pocket as opposed to watching from a distance. Bless Keri and David Gyasi for creating sparks out of a modern cliche. Whoa, for Gyasi's fabulous sister entertaining the male wife like Scarlett O'hara. He acted like James Bond. Ali Ahn's ulterior motives are aggressive but sweet to her waring partner. Rory Kinnear adds great face, acting chops and the right amount of Tom foolery. The cast is funny and subscribing, the story is sorting and building. I hope the bombing is a surprise. (It was.) 24-Apr-2023

Tags: 2020s, Amiable, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Daddy Squish, Drama, Fun, Fun Acting, Funny, Good Dialogue, Great Acting, Heart Writ, Hilarious, Hot Swatch, Magnetism, Politics, Relationships, Star Watt, Sweet, Tough, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Funny, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight, Writ Tough, Writing Reigns

Filed under: TV

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07-Nov-2024


Love Island UK (2019-) BitesUpgrade

Women are pursuing these motherfuckers because there is a cash prize at the end, correct? I don't remember Reuben. There was nothing to latch onto. Josh must choose to be blacker or whiter. Yes, I had a doll that looked like Blade. Hugo combs his hair in reverse. I bet Konnor is a fantastic one nighter. Will must be hung. Joey is a doll. Sean is Jimmy Oleson. Ayo, we pray for you. I would have barbecued Trey like he was a lobster. Moziah reeks of beauty and nature. Ciaran has too many identities going on. 11-Jul-2024

Tags: 2010s, Best In Horror, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Foreign, From Another Planet, Fun Acting, Funny, Game Show, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Hilarious, Hot Swatch, Incomprehensible, Juvenile, Lifestyle, Manipulation, NSFW, Over the Top, Overcooked, Preachy, Predictable, Questionable, Reality, Relationships, Repetitive, Safety, Scary, Sexist, Shrill Act, Silly, Slow, Static, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Tacky, Tedium, Timid, Tired, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Basic, Writ Funny

Filed under: TV

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29-Jul-2024


Love Island (2019-) BitesUpgrade

Gays undercover have no idea how to deal with female toxicity. 06-Aug-2021
Gays undercover are still saving women. Men with sexual dysfunctions agreed to remain in their original coupling. Men think women are stupider than them because they believe everything they say. 30-Jul-2021
S3E9. The men are playing football, faking the women into doing behind the scenes porn in front of the team, their family and friends. Gay boys are undercover to make sure the rejected puppies don't get tackled. It's cheating but the show has an image to uphold. May the best cock win! 26-Jul-2021

Tags: 2010s, Best In Horror, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Juvenile, NSFW, Predictable, Reality, Repetitive, Sexist, Static, Tacky, Tedium, Timid, Tired

Filed under: TV

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11-Jul-2024


Madame Web (2024) Arf

The only Madame Web I know is from the Spider-Man animated series. She was an elder with psychic gifts who spiritually assisted Peter Parker. The comic book origins were tinkered with, pulled and redesigned into a television movie. There are about 2 minutes of Spider-women geared up and it's not enough. The ladies were solid but the story was squishy. New Spider-man is the only suited one which renders fights unfair since the girls have no powers. If they were trying for subtlety they should have hired an out of the box writer and director. The ladies sprinkled enough fairy dust for me to follow them but their destinies lead to shit. 14-May-2024

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Comic Book, Fantasy, Funny, Sort of, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, TV-like, Words Spoke, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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14-May-2024


Wish (2023) Bites

I tried watching through the eyes of a child and it confused me. What do you mean that man has my wish. I made ten wishes yesterday and two came true. I don't even remember that one wish everybody's talking about. Fuck it. It's only one. The film has Ariana DeBose energy and a Barbie stance. DeBose is so excited to show us what she's got that she faux climaxes before she has to. Some of the songs actually sounded musical. Pine's Shatner was so good that it stunk. The last man with a working penis is stealing little girl dreams. (None of the dreams were to marry a man to save them?) The women and some of their friends band together to destroy him. Some of the friends consisted of weak or mentally disabled boys and feeble grandfathers with no reach. I presume we had to look towards the animals to find culture representation. No gays in sight. Sophia The First looked better than this and brought the magic. One of Disney's junkiest animations. 28-Apr-2024

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Animation, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Cheeky Acting, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Grating, Manipulation, Mean Spirited, Preachy, Predictable, Shrill Act, Silly, Trashy, Vague, Weird, Writer Humiliation

Filed under: Movies

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28-Apr-2024


Baby Reindeer (2024) BitesEarly Exit

S1E1. It blew me away like someone rejecting sex, with a wave of their hand. True stories don't have to try so hard. The ingredients were flame broiled and the tiny portions of reality chicken were blended. Ms Gunning enacted the written word but could not inflect a believable, funny or endearing persona. Did Gadd concoct an Amytiville or is he telling it wrong? Either way, the errors were enormous. I understood the first greet and meet because he felt sorry for her. By the second day it would take me five minutes to realize this is no good. I definitely wouldn't comp her another drink that she doesn't drink. (Wrong! Big people always thirsty.) He comped her throughout their relationship. I presume it came out of his till. I'd have as little interaction with her as possible and give her polite social distance. Gadd got everything he deserved for having a life that anyone could steal. He flirted and sexually harassed his tormentor because he thought it was funny and sane. That stuff only works on the internet, not face to face. The makers don't want us to ponder who any of the real people are because they don't exist? Even though some random looked her up in 1995 and obtained her life history? Is he a stalker+? Did he used to be fat? And maybe, that too!? He's suspicious and not funny, at all. 25-Apr-2024

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Cliche, Comedy, Disappointment, Drama, Early Exit, Fatigue, Juvenile, Lifestyle, Maddening, Manipulation, Over the Top, Overcooked, Pitchy, Showy

Filed under: TV

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25-Apr-2024


Marvels, The (2023) Bites

The film suffers from The Green Lantern and Quantum effect. If the creators wanted to take us to other worlds, the trip needed to be worth it. Skrulls with no power are obsolete. I think they took the green screen too literally. Most of the actors looked like they were talking to the back-heads of stand-ins or more green screens. The ladies became 3 instruments that didn't play well together. Distance was put between them. The glowey thing that Capt. Marvel displays when she's on, reminds one of the Quantum sky. Another action killer was giving the women the same power effect. So we don't distinguish or because it was easier? The big bad could only have gotten better had they cast that crazy lady from the Power Rangers. I thought Dar-Benn was blind for the first few minutes of the film. If she looked down, would her head-piece have fallen off? All the ladies came as they are because hair and makeup were in a rush to return to social media. They looked unkempt and shook. They would never dare look this ratched on the red carpet where fans aren't paying them to create movie magic. Somber heroes zigzagging to nowhere for nobody. I never thought of Monica Rambeau as interesting, I liked Kamala on the smaller screen but... and we all know what Carol Danvers is. The reason I liked female heroines was because they were a break from extremism and added a softer solution to the action and they were beautiful. If women keep denying themselves in order to become men, hugs will be cancelled. They can do anything? Be a girl. Good hair, make-up and dress will fulfill the rest. See: Barbie. Imagine if she was ugly and without sex appeal. No mucho $. Musicland was an in-law family situation humiliation activity. Nobody swags like they care so why bother? Was Frasier the only white man allowed in the building or was he CGId? 07-Feb-2024

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Cold, Comic Book, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, Fantasy, Lesbian, Over the Top, Predictable, Repetitive, Sad Effects, Sap, Sequel, Shrill Act, Silly, Stink Wigs, Tacky, Timid, TV-like, Writer Humiliation

Filed under: Movies

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07-Feb-2024


Trust (2024-) Arf

Finale. It was almost cute. 26-Jan-2024
Trusting strangers, we do it everyday. We have to trust someone for aid to move on. There's a brilliant game to be played but the show hasn't figured it out, yet. Boo, for making the hottest beast walk the plank first-time around. Another remains but he's an asshole. Millionaire got shut out of the villa's bubble and trapped in a snow globe for admitting how privileged he is. Poor thing. Unless he's a plant, it's a chilly thing. The girls and boys huddled with their own. The men were obliged to let aggression lead. The women can't do like men. They have to group and wheedle down as they see fit. They have their eye on a fellow contestant whose skillset includes a seduction of the only man worth fucking. It's ghastly. That white boy celebrated someone's heritage by annoying them with it. The old lady is a Platinum Karen. I hope the producers tip them towards their last nerve. 11-Jan-2024

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Crapfun, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Drama, Egotistical, Emasculating, Enthusiastic, Game Show, Gay Swatch, Hilarious, Juvenile, Mean Spirited, Mystery, Revenge, Sex, Shrill Act, Silly, Trashy, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

Filed under: TV

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26-Jan-2024


Blue Beetle (2023) Bites

The pace had no time to set-up character appreciation, it had a billion particles to settle. The family dynamic was food, drink, celebration and insanity. George Lopez added comedy schtick to his act. He looked like a character booted from Bedrock because he was too loud and ornery. The breast queen should be playing Lady MacBeth not becoming a free TV actor. I can see her washing blood from her hands and implementing Elvira's cleavage cut. The rest of the family and the leads apply stereotypes without explaining them. There is no such thing as a stereotype because it's only a description of our heritage. Universal speak. Nobody passed the classic TV Q test and the silliness hardly stopped. The best of the mythology turned into a fiesta. The family went everywhere together. Really? When did they masturbate? Why did the family get superpowers? Beetle's nemesis was a bigger and badder version of himself. Couldn't we have gotten something a little different? If the production wanted to fill the female quota, why didn't they concoct some awesome female villains? He has lots and no villain is scarier than a latin woman scorned. She'll slash your tires. 27-Nov-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Comedy, Cultural, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Revenge, Sap, Shrill Act, Timid, Trashy, TV-like, Vague, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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27-Nov-2023


Fall Of House Of Usher, The (2023) Arf

I understood the excuses but I didn't get the obscurity. The finale was a realization of how much of a merry-go-round the production put us through. The Final Destination kills should have ascended from that. When you add magic to horror it teeters on fanto realism. It made my head overload...with questions. Where was Lenore when daddy redecorated her mother's room? She asks to see her mom 5 days later? I believe one of the Dupin's got taller? Bless you, Sir Hamill. Once his character clicks we look forward to seeing him again. The mumbo jumbo accommodated what was easiest for the storytellers. The merry go round speeds up, there are few surprises but the cast and dialogue are superb. What fabulous creature is Gugino's character supposed to be? Is Pinhead her boss? I hope it's the girl one. 21-Oct-2023
SE5. There are so many crisp performances to marvel at. The story captivates but the horror aspect diminishes it. Whenever he gets a vision, we realize how the next victim will die. Stretching the story doesn't mean much if it once ended up in the trash because it contained too much information. The flashbacks are served nilly willy. The saboteur has no meaning but I love her. Poe's themes are observed but not acknowledged. When a creator succumbs to the title of the story he is manipulating things to fit not click. 20-Oct-2023
S1E2. Succession musical score adaptation is too blatant and soon to describe rich family hierarchy. The actors play it well but the characters are as interchangeable as their sexual proclivities. The scares are great ideas that are poorly executed. The mother's beginning is a testament of that. It should be scary but it's not, it didn't grip or create empathy. Flanagan name drops everything but the art he's pilfering. The story does not flatter Gugino and her character is beyond mysterious. I heard Hamill do a Joker laugh and I was amused. Flanagan still hasn't figured out how to shoot in the dark. The admirable parts are the ones created by accident. 19-Oct-2023

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Crapfun, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Fatigue, Fun Acting, Funny, Gay, Good Dialogue, Great Acting, Heart Writ, Horror, I wish it could look better, Music Rocks, Overcooked, Predictable, Relationships, Revenge, Sex, Star Watt, Suspense, Vague, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: TV

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21-Oct-2023


Run Rabbit Run (2023) Whimper

I was in as soon as I witnessed Shiv being sarcastic to a saucy child. I was out when the mystery couldn't sustain itself and it lavished us with endless finales. It wouldn't end. After the first finale, the predictions come quick, the heart slows and wtf? It's a long way around to prove mother is an asshole. 02-Jul-2023

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Depressing, Director Slouch, Drama, Horror Mild, Star Watt, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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02-Jul-2023


Below Deck: Sailing Yacht (2020-) Woof

Gary spent the night munching on blood and he did not appreciate it. WTF, he might become a bat or something. Serves the old man right. Food for thought: old ladies don't get periods. Colin and Daisy are still pretending. TG Gary is outlandish and goes with the flow. The charter turned the crew gay for money. The cameraman captured two shots of Chase's impressive hard penis squeezing into briefs and someone commented on the captain's green platano. Why was there no shot of Gary waking up with red paint all over his face? 27-Jun-2023
Daisy spars with men before she shags them. It's the only way to dock in her marina. A childhood thing, I presume? Did the surprise couple rub against Gary before the makeout session? Gary is becoming an old man manual. He wants to settle down before his cock dies. Little girls want to fuck. Everything. He wants to sabotage all young things. Not fast enough! Captain doesn't understand how laptops supposedly lay on laps. He laid it between his legs making it appear like a fancy menu at an expensive restaurant. He places it where he can admire it, record it, measure it or expose it. Chase's looniness never ends. He's auditioning for Gilligan's Island or oops.... I don't think he got a total examination. Poor thing. If Alex could talk he'd have a lot to say. The chef disappears into the background to keep her sanity but I always forget her until she talks. Chase jokingly asked a stew to expose how lovely her boobies were. WW3. Crew tongues can be salacious to charter, not each other. We were born to serve, choose and aggregate not mingle. 31-May-2023
Episode before last, the cameras lingered on a boy whose actions seemed questionable after his father's friend's accident. It was a creepy boy's 70s horror movie edit. The stews were impressed by the boy's manner, the camera was not. It surely wasn't inherited from daddy muscle charter. He was labeled a high school asshole as soon as he took his shirt off to expose massle magnificence. He may have been high strung but he did nothing wrong except demand what he paid for. Daisy is tired of slaving for rich people. Captain laid his balls on the table and reiterated that that was her job. Gary must have gotten some questionable treatment in quarantine because he kept competing for baby vagina with his cocky crew. The girl that burned the guest's dress: it was from Walmart. Chase's looney behavior is turning me on. He knows how to have fun by himself. In business, it always boils down to men vs. women, with the women always getting fucked. 19-May-2023
Gary's back. The girls stood in line waiting to make that move that catapulted Gary's fame and kept all the straight men hating. His lateness insinuated to his crew that someone should temporarily take over. Warning. Uptight decker on the loose and TG Gary pisses easy. That dumb hot piece of shit is undermining him. Everyone wants or has licked Daisy's face. I hope it's not because she fucked Gary. Big Jesus probably fucked her and the wet boatman got old and jealous. The captain is easy peasy as usual. I hope the decker bunking with the captain realizes that the captain is not a table. One more time and captain can retaliate. He could sleep on top of him. I could've sworn that Colin swayed his hips like Marilyn and I filed it. The men are pretty and gunning for Gary's attention, the girls are stupefied and frightened that their scary boss is really scary but always hoping that Gary notices them. Gary brought action back. 06-May-2023

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Drama, Fatigue, NSFW, Overcooked, Reality, Relationships, Showy, Shrill Act, Stupid Funny, Travel, Writer's Peak

Filed under: TV

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27-Jun-2023


There's Something Wrong With The Children (2023) Bites

Mixed raced couples spend a weekend away with each other and their latino kids. Things go awry when they hit a cave on their hike with a luminous hole that only attracts the attention of children, even though it later states that adults can go in it too. The only thing that changes after the incident is that the kids stop being snarky and in charge. They turn robotic, obedient and deadly, sort of. The friends start accusing each of things real and induced by vagina magic. The men react off-key and don't have much of a bond. The women have a hypocritical relationship. Telling the truth only applies if they're drunk, tested or just can't stand each other. The mother blaming her friend for the death of her child rang. The children don't scare and revenge is unfulfilled. I thought putting a little sombrero and poncho on the siblings would not have necessarily scared us but it would've created iconic characters, like Freddy. The scariest things arise from stereotypes, not hate. 23-Jun-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, By the Numbers, Director Hands Off Approach, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Grating, Horror, Preposterous, Relationships, Stupid Funny, Timid, Weird, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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23-Jun-2023




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