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All Posts Tagged as 'By the Numbers'

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Marvels, The (2023) Bites

The film suffers from The Green Lantern and Quantum effect. If the creators wanted to take us to other worlds, the trip needed to be worth it. Skrulls with no power are obsolete. I think they took the green screen too literally. Most of the actors looked like they were talking to the back-heads of stand-ins or more green screens. The ladies became 3 instruments that didn't play well together. Distance was put between them. The glowey thing that Capt. Marvel displays when she's on, reminds one of the Quantum sky. Another action killer was giving the women the same power effect. So we don't distinguish or because it was easier? The big bad could only have gotten better had they cast that crazy lady from the Power Rangers. I thought Dar-Benn was blind for the first few minutes of the film. If she looked down, would her head-piece have fallen off? All the ladies came as they are because hair and makeup were in a rush to return to social media. They looked unkempt and shook. They would never dare look this ratched on the red carpet where fans aren't paying them to create movie magic. Somber heroes zigzagging to nowhere for nobody. I never thought of Monica Rambeau as interesting, I liked Kamala on the smaller screen but... and we all know what Carol Danvers is. The reason I liked female heroines was because they were a break from extremism and added a softer solution to the action and they were beautiful. If women keep denying themselves in order to become men, hugs will be cancelled. They can do anything? Be a girl. Good hair, make-up and dress will fulfill the rest. See: Barbie. Imagine if she was ugly and without sex appeal. No mucho $. Musicland was an in-law family situation humiliation activity. Nobody swags like they care so why bother? Was Frasier the only white man allowed in the building or was he CGId? 07-Feb-2024

Tags: 2020s, Action, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Cold, Comic Book, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Hands Off Approach, Fantasy, Girlie Movie, Lesbian, Over the Top, Predictable, Repetitive, Sad Effects, Sap, Sequel, Shrill Act, Silly, Stink Wigs, Tacky, Timid, TV-like, Writer Humiliation

Filed under: Movies

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07-Feb-2024


Trust (2024-) Arf

Finale. It was almost cute. 26-Jan-2024
Trusting strangers, we do it everyday. We have to trust someone for aid to move on. There's a brilliant game to be played but the show hasn't figured it out, yet. Boo, for making the hottest beast walk the plank first-time around. Another remains but he's an asshole. Millionaire got shut out of the villa's bubble and trapped in a snow globe for admitting how privileged he is. Poor thing. Unless he's a plant, it's a chilly thing. The girls and boys huddled with their own. The men were obliged to let aggression lead. The women can't do like men. They have to group and wheedle down as they see fit. They have their eye on a fellow contestant whose skillset includes a seduction of the only man worth fucking. It's ghastly. That white boy celebrated someone's heritage by annoying them with it. The old lady is a Platinum Karen. I hope the producers tip them towards their last nerve. 11-Jan-2024

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Crapfun, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Drama, Egotistical, Emasculating, Enthusiastic, Game Show, Gay Swatch, Hilarious, Juvenile, Mean Spirited, Mystery, Revenge, Sex, Shrill Act, Silly, Trashy, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke

Filed under: TV

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26-Jan-2024


Blue Beetle (2023) Bites

The pace had no time to set-up character appreciation, it had a billion particles to settle. The family dynamic was food, drink, celebration and insanity. George Lopez added comedy schtick to his act. He looked like a character booted from Bedrock because he was too loud and ornery. The breast queen should be playing Lady MacBeth not becoming a free TV actor. I can see her washing blood from her hands and implementing Elvira's cleavage cut. The rest of the family and the leads apply stereotypes without explaining them. There is no such thing as a stereotype because it's only a description of our heritage. Universal speak. Nobody passed the classic TV Q test and the silliness hardly stopped. The best of the mythology turned into a fiesta. The family went everywhere together. Really? When did they masturbate? Why did the family get superpowers? Beetle's nemesis was a bigger and badder version of himself. Couldn't we have gotten something a little different? If the production wanted to fill the female quota, why didn't they concoct some awesome female villains? He has lots and no villain is scarier than a latin woman scorned. She'll slash your tires. 27-Nov-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Bad Acting, Bad Chemistry, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Comedy, Cultural, Depressing, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Enthusiastic, Fatigue, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Repetitive, Revenge, Sap, Shrill Act, Timid, Trashy, TV-like, Vague, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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27-Nov-2023


Fall Of House Of Usher, The (2023) Arf

I understood the excuses but I didn't get the obscurity. The finale was a realization of how much of a merry-go-round the production put us through. The Final Destination kills should have ascended from that. When you add magic to horror it teeters on fanto realism. It made my head overload...with questions. Where was Lenore when daddy redecorated her mother's room? She asks to see her mom 5 days later? I believe one of the Dupin's got taller? Bless you, Sir Hamill. Once his character clicks we look forward to seeing him again. The mumbo jumbo accommodated what was easiest for the storytellers. The merry go round speeds up, there are few surprises but the cast and dialogue are superb. What fabulous creature is Gugino's character supposed to be? Is Pinhead her boss? I hope it's the girl one. 21-Oct-2023
SE5. There are so many crisp performances to marvel at. The story captivates but the horror aspect diminishes it. Whenever he gets a vision, we realize how the next victim will die. Stretching the story doesn't mean much if it once ended up in the trash because it contained too much information. The flashbacks are served nilly willy. The saboteur has no meaning but I love her. Poe's themes are observed but not acknowledged. When a creator succumbs to the title of the story he is manipulating things to fit not click. 20-Oct-2023
S1E2. Succession musical score adaptation is too blatant and soon to describe rich family hierarchy. The actors play it well but the characters are as interchangeable as their sexual proclivities. The scares are great ideas that are poorly executed. The mother's beginning is a testament of that. It should be scary but it's not, it didn't grip or create empathy. Flanagan name drops everything but the art he's pilfering. The story does not flatter Gugino and her character is beyond mysterious. I heard Hamill do a Joker laugh and I was amused. Flanagan still hasn't figured out how to shoot in the dark. The admirable parts are the ones created by accident. 19-Oct-2023

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Crapfun, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Director's Touch, Drama, Fatigue, Fun Acting, Funny, Gay, Good Dialogue, Great Acting, Heart Writ, Horror, I wish it could look better, Music Rocks, Overcooked, Predictable, Relationships, Revenge, Sex, Star Watt, Suspense, Vague, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: TV

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21-Oct-2023


Run Rabbit Run (2023) Whimper

I was in as soon as I witnessed Shiv being sarcastic to a saucy child. I was out when the mystery couldn't sustain itself and it lavished us with endless finales. It wouldn't end. After the first finale, the predictions come quick, the heart slows and wtf? It's a long way around to prove mother is an asshole. 02-Jul-2023

Tags: 2020s, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Depressing, Director Slouch, Drama, Horror Mild, Star Watt, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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02-Jul-2023


Below Deck: Sailing Yacht (2020-) Woof

Gary spent the night munching on blood and he did not appreciate it. WTF, he might become a bat or something. Serves the old man right. Food for thought: old ladies don't get periods. Colin and Daisy are still pretending. TG Gary is outlandish and goes with the flow. The charter turned the crew gay for money. The cameraman captured two shots of Chase's impressive hard penis squeezing into briefs and someone commented on the captain's green platano. Why was there no shot of Gary waking up with red paint all over his face? 27-Jun-2023
Daisy spars with men before she shags them. It's the only way to dock in her marina. A childhood thing, I presume? Did the surprise couple rub against Gary before the makeout session? Gary is becoming an old man manual. He wants to settle down before his cock dies. Little girls want to fuck. Everything. He wants to sabotage all young things. Not fast enough! Captain doesn't understand how laptops supposedly lay on laps. He laid it between his legs making it appear like a fancy menu at an expensive restaurant. He places it where he can admire it, record it, measure it or expose it. Chase's looniness never ends. He's auditioning for Gilligan's Island or oops.... I don't think he got a total examination. Poor thing. If Alex could talk he'd have a lot to say. The chef disappears into the background to keep her sanity but I always forget her until she talks. Chase jokingly asked a stew to expose how lovely her boobies were. WW3. Crew tongues can be salacious to charter, not each other. We were born to serve, choose and aggregate not mingle. 31-May-2023
Episode before last, the cameras lingered on a boy whose actions seemed questionable after his father's friend's accident. It was a creepy boy's 70s horror movie edit. The stews were impressed by the boy's manner, the camera was not. It surely wasn't inherited from daddy muscle charter. He was labeled a high school asshole as soon as he took his shirt off to expose massle magnificence. He may have been high strung but he did nothing wrong except demand what he paid for. Daisy is tired of slaving for rich people. Captain laid his balls on the table and reiterated that that was her job. Gary must have gotten some questionable treatment in quarantine because he kept competing for baby vagina with his cocky crew. The girl that burned the guest's dress: it was from Walmart. Chase's looney behavior is turning me on. He knows how to have fun by himself. In business, it always boils down to men vs. women, with the women always getting fucked. 19-May-2023
Gary's back. The girls stood in line waiting to make that move that catapulted Gary's fame and kept all the straight men hating. His lateness insinuated to his crew that someone should temporarily take over. Warning. Uptight decker on the loose and TG Gary pisses easy. That dumb hot piece of shit is undermining him. Everyone wants or has licked Daisy's face. I hope it's not because she fucked Gary. Big Jesus probably fucked her and the wet boatman got old and jealous. The captain is easy peasy as usual. I hope the decker bunking with the captain realizes that the captain is not a table. One more time and captain can retaliate. He could sleep on top of him. I could've sworn that Colin swayed his hips like Marilyn and I filed it. The men are pretty and gunning for Gary's attention, the girls are stupefied and frightened that their scary boss is really scary but always hoping that Gary notices them. Gary brought action back. 06-May-2023

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Drama, Fatigue, NSFW, Overcooked, Reality, Relationships, Showy, Shrill Act, Stupid Funny, Travel, Writer's Peak

Filed under: TV

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27-Jun-2023


There's Something Wrong With The Children (2023) Bites

Mixed raced couples spend a weekend away with each other and their latino kids. Things go awry when they hit a cave on their hike with a luminous hole that only attracts the attention of children, even though it later states that adults can go in it too. The only thing that changes after the incident is that the kids stop being snarky and in charge. They turn robotic, obedient and deadly, sort of. The friends start accusing each of things real and induced by vagina magic. The men react off-key and don't have much of a bond. The women have a hypocritical relationship. Telling the truth only applies if they're drunk, tested or just can't stand each other. The mother blaming her friend for the death of her child rang. The children don't scare and revenge is unfulfilled. I thought putting a little sombrero and poncho on the siblings would not have necessarily scared us but it would've created iconic characters, like Freddy. The scariest things arise from stereotypes, not hate. 23-Jun-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Action, By the Numbers, Director Hands Off Approach, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Grating, Horror, Preposterous, Relationships, Stupid Funny, Timid, Weird, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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23-Jun-2023


Fantastic Four (2005) Arf

If you left kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bucket, expecting the movie to pop them, it does not. The origin story is deprived of force because of its oversimplification. Only three members achieved not looking foolish in their embodiments. Chris Evans steals everything with his bad boy swag, partial nudity and up to your imagination charm. Michael Chiklis was turned to brick, his eyes the main conveyor and I felt him. Kerry Washington was brave to enact being blind and fucking a brick dick. Ion Gruffud was chosen from a dork photo line-up. Jessica Alba decided to go bronze skin with blonde hair which is irrelevant to who she's portraying. I always envisioned Sue Storm as a mature-minded leader. Every breath Alba shared, purred, "I'm sexy, are you going to marry me or what?" According to the film, Sue Storm has no reason to powerfully exist except to stop traffic, plea for love, get undressed and be invisible. She's no Barbara Bain. Julian Macmahon's Dr. Doom made my popcorn explode with a whimper. He acted like he was in a live comic book written by those Power Rangers people. He cheapened the film. The film is more excited about what effects can do than establishing a purpose for a character's existence. Action is in a rush to move on and be forgotten. Its enjoyable but "let's put it in the kids' dvd section, for now. 16-Jun-2023

Tags: 2000s, Action, By the Numbers, Camp, Cheeky Acting, Cliche, Comic Book, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Enthusiastic, Fantasy, Funny, Sort of, Grating, Hot Swatch, Over the Top, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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16-Jun-2023


Shazam! Fury Of The Gods (2023) Bites

A Saturday morning kiddie show that plays after the popular ones have aired and kids watch whilst having lunch. It can't shake off the silliness so it embraced it. Bad mistake. It only works if it's funny. Some of the writers asked their children what they would like to see and the parents yucked it up. Elegant ladies of maturity shouldn't have to wear clunky armor especially if they're witches. The villains are not much of a threat. They just need more "home" visits from the family. Why did they pile on so much ick hair and clothing on Hinsou's god? Zachary Levi. His solution when discomfited is to make a face or a nine year's old gesture. His younger alter ego is a teenager on his way to becoming a man. They work as separate units but not as a whole. They copy nothing from each other. Billy's best friend's storyline had the emotional heft that Shazam's didn't. It doesn't even take us on a fantastical journey. It was a scenic bus ride to Walmart. 07-Jun-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Grating, Musical Bombast, Over the Top, Physical Humor, Preposterous, Repetitive, SciFi, Shrill Act, Silly, Star Watt, Tacky, Wit Crack

Filed under: Movies

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07-Jun-2023


Antman & The Wasp: Quantumania (2023) Whimper

Cuteness and self congratulations does not befit these superpowered saviors. It rehashes helicopter dad and rebellious vigilante super daughter, predictably and unattached. Paul Rudd looked confused. The daughter misses being a good thing because she is stereotyped. MODOK looked like a badly stretched photo. The Quantum Realm was a mishmash of background paintings with no movement or the dulcet tones of Bob Ross. The inhabitants are the rejected drawings of cantina ideas for all the Star Wars films. The director applied the cutesies to an alien slime that cutely spoke. Good job actor, but there is nothing cute about talking jello. Pfeiffer tackled her heroism with gusto even though the words sounded exhausted. Chemistry was beginning to form between her and Kang. They should have played that out as a Part 1. The support was alert but there was too much realm and rah rah rah. The purpose of this pilot movie was to introduce Kang so it can comfortably occupy more room in the tie-ins. Majors hits all the right notes but Kang is underwritten and easily beaten. 18-May-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Cliche, Coincidence Laden, Cold, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Repetitive, SciFi, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Writer Weakness

Filed under: Movies

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18-May-2023


Diplomat, The (2023-) Woof

Kerri Russell rules, the cast is appeasing and her husband is a beautiful daddy-banana distraction. Keri mama wrecks with intelligence, comic skills and a "who gives a fuck attitude." The sense of humor traverses beyond the obvious and bare feelings are portrayed to fulfillment. We were allowed inside the pocket as opposed to watching from a distance. Bless Keri and David Gyasi for creating sparks out of a modern cliche. Whoa, for Gyasi's fabulous sister entertaining the male wife like Scarlett O'hara. He acted like James Bond. Ali Ahn's ulterior motives are aggressive but sweet to her waring partner. Rory Kinnear adds great face, acting chops and the right amount of Tom foolery. The cast is funny and subscribing, the story is sorting and building. I hope the bombing is a surprise. (It was.) 24-Apr-2023

Tags: 2020s, Amiable, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Drama, Political, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful

Filed under: TV

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24-Apr-2023


Another Man's Poison (1951) Whimper

Bette's 50s era was full of Lady Davis folklore and drag queen reboots. Lady Davis was forced to compete with herself. A worn out hunk has beef with her husband because he foiled a heist and he's being blamed. Bette is at the height of shifty. She parlays her caricature tics to mixed effects. She is over until somebody fucks with her animal. The feelings reeled a barracuda out of her. The camera decided that Bette's gift was mechanical and that the new way was better. They highlighted her flaws and disheveled her tidiness. The disclosures felt possibly true, Bette's messy art was always entertaining but it's a crappy movie. 10-Apr-2023

Tags: 1950s, By the Numbers, Camp, Corn, Crapfun, Crime Drama, Director Insanity, Drama, Mystery, Over the Top, Psychological, Relationships, Repetitive, Revenge, Star Watt, Suspense, Tacky, Timid, Trashy, Twisty, Wit Crack, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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10-Apr-2023


Love Trip: Paris (2023-) Whimper

Wherein privileged American ladies travel abroad and are shocked that their toxic love speaks other languages. Mirko's storyline profiled him as a panty shredder. That was such a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles rip. 02-Mar-2023

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Bad Acting, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Comfort Food, Crapfun, Daddy Squish, Funny, Gay Swatch, Juvenile, LGBTQ, Lifestyle, Overcooked, Questionable, Relationships, Scary, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny

Filed under: TV

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02-Mar-2023


Last Of Us, The (2022-) ArfDowngradeWhimperEarly Exit

I can't identify with the fairy tale. 27-Feb-2023
There's an odor of mendacity and I'm not sure where its coming from. A different spice gets added every week to give that child's jokebook a break. They run a bath, the water boils, the barbecue is on and we already know who's going to fry. The spices are becoming experiments in art, a lack of inspiring action and insecurity in storytelling. Ellie is the kind of girl that would spit on deaf boy's food when no one is looking. The character is lacking baby Dakota Fanning genius. Papi Pedro's melody sways us to stay for the main course but the thing they think is gumbo, is not. It's, maybe, a protein shake. 13-Feb-2023
Not saving boys or giving them parts in movies is becoming a Hollywood tradition. A snarky and petulant baby girl is rescued so she can realize her dream of becoming a toxic man. Pascal is the footman on the rescue mission and the only one forcing his acting talent to burst. Anna Torv is saddled with being a man whose deep scars hide a harsher man. It's an eerie Walking Dead iteration that seems to add nothing worth noting. 17-Jan-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Creepy, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Early Exit, Horror, Tedium

Filed under: TV

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27-Feb-2023


Smile (2022) Whimper

If you want your black fiancee to dump you, seek comfort with your adorable ex whose a cop and explain to him that you are not mentally ill but cursed. Parker Posey and Hillary Swank's niece pants as much as she talks in the role of a useless psychoanalyst. It avoids the psychic explanation but grants us a hooey mythology. The smile is irrelevant. It's a wink to Joker's laugh gas. The kid's party had me rolling, the mother turning into a drag queen was unexpected but the juju was preposterous. 24-Feb-2023

Tags: 2020s, Action, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Cliche, Coincidence Laden, Daddy Squish, Fatigue, Horror, Indecipherable, Over the Top, Preposterous, Shrill Act, Silly, Stupid Funny, Timid, Weird

Filed under: Movies

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24-Feb-2023




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