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All Posts Tagged as 'By the Numbers'

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Love Island (2019-) Bites

S3E9. The men are playing football, faking the women into doing behind the scenes porn in front of the team, their family and friends. Gay boys are undercover to make sure the rejected puppies don't get tackled. It's cheating but the show has an image to uphold. May the best cock, win! 26-Jul-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accident Watch, Best In Horror, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Juvenile, Predictable, Reality, Repetitive, Sexist, Static, Tacky, Tedium, Timid, Tired

Filed under: TV

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26-Jul-2021


Fear Street Part 3: 1666 (2021) Whimper

Mythology overload. Lesbian witches are a creation of man's impotence and disregard for boundaries. The curse is complimentary. 21-Jul-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Drama, Gay, Horror, Preposterous, Silly, Slow

Filed under: Movies

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21-Jul-2021


Fear Street Part Two: 1978 (2021) Whimper

Someone needs to tell little girls that they are not the only spectacular creatures in the world. If you want to keep your coffee hot, keep heating it. It was lukewarm. 15-Jul-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, By the Numbers, Camp, Depressing, Fatigue, Silly

Filed under: Movies

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15-Jul-2021


Barb And Star Go To Buena Vista (2021) Arf

Unusually mild comedy about 2 "glue factory" pals realizing they can live life and talk at the same time. Wiig has difficulty transferring her TV magnitude to the big screen but her amiability is intact. McLendon adds bitchiness to her evil. Pretty boy Dornan had me checking for Alzheimer's and wanting earplugs every time his accent veered. The musical numbers fell flat due to lack of training. The only line that made me laugh was about Florida smelling like Red Lobster. The rest was a grab bag of immature silliness. It's not about anything. It's a Sesame Street friendship. 10-Jul-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Fantasy, Gay Swatch, Hot Swatch, Music Swings, Preposterous, Romance, Silly, Star Watt, Timid, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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10-Jul-2021


Godzilla vs. Kong (2021) Arf

Kong vs. Kardashians. 10-Jul-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Fun, Action Stomper, By the Numbers, Dialogue Lament, Oncer, Over the Top, Preachy, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt

Filed under: Movies

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10-Jul-2021


Too Hot To Handle (2020-) Bites

Yo, call a doctor! The human race is hornier than we thought. It's not just us, its everybody! The children are fucked! 03-Jul-2021
No sex games, stripper parties or porn stars performing anatomy tricks. No Casa De Amor with an hour free of rules to tempt anyone. A lame exercise in controlling the libido does not a better date candidate make and I have no idea what point it's trying to make. (The winner takes home about $12.00 after taxes.) 19-Apr-2020
The norm is hornier than I thought. Love Island Castaways land on Mt. Celibacy and are tortured into going straight. The women are boob jocks and the men prance around blowing bro bubbles. The understanding is that what an independent woman wants, is a servant. It's not daring or tacky, not willing to titillate on a channel that permits it and not willing to locate a winning politic. "Tom Holland future" is an eerie panty shredder, women are still reaching for the biggest/complicated things, unruly racism is itching closer to our faces and Jesus left because he couldn't stand them. 18-Apr-2020

Tags: 2020s, Brutal, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Creepy, Cultural, Fake, Horror, Hot Swatch, Incomprehensible, Juvenile, No Chemistry, Reality, Sap, Shrill Act, Silly, Weird

Filed under: TV

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03-Jul-2021


Pose (2018-2021) HowlUpgradeFull Moon

If you preach and back it up with great talent, you supersede. 30-Jun-2021
Gorgeous ladies...and men, musical zest, smashing show and a hopeful ending. It broke it and healed it...the heart. 28-Aug-2019
"The Man That Got Away." Judy defined it and Billy spelled it out. 25-Aug-2019
It gave us a vogue teaser, it made gold edible and the love story was sexy. 23-Aug-2019
Ryan's episode didn't hand me an enigmatic vogue but it gave me beauty of soul. 23-Aug-2019
Do I have to vogue to earn a gay family like this or is that sentiment stuck in the past? The show retains its high sheen fabulosity but ballroom direction needs to stress its entertainment notch in order to fly closer to Billy Porter's coordination. 21-Jul-2019
Earned. 23-Jul-2018
Squirt. 15-Jul-2018
The release was due to its faithful history and devotedly charged performances. 10-Jul-2018
Every week it grows in beauty and endearment. One more moon and Papa Murph makes me blow.

Christopher Meloni is now inducted into Daddy Squish Hall of Fame. 03-Jul-2018
It's about family. 27-Jun-2018
Ryan is tapping into the artistic awakening of its raw talent. Learning as they go. 24-Jun-2018
The seed has been planted but in order for it to grow it needs to escalate the celebration. 23-Jun-2018

Tags: 2010s, By the Numbers, Camp, Cliche, Comedy, Cultural, Dance, Director Art, Drama, Elegance, Fashion, Funny, Gay, Great Acting, Heart Writ, Heartbreaking, History, Hot Swatch, Magic, Music Rocks, Musical, Nostalgic, Preachy, Relationships, Romance, Sentimental, Sexy, Squish Alert, Star Power, Star Watt, Suspense, Sweet, Touching, Unity, Wit Snit, Writer's Peak

Filed under: TV

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30-Jun-2021


Clovehitch Killer, The (2018) Arf

It's based on a historical serial killer but it's not. Boy's disinterest in crime history is tested when he stumbles upon evidence that may incriminate a loved one. A teen investigation ensues. Obvious clues don't allow the mystery to spring forward. The family does not generate enough emotion to evoke compassion. There is no new imagination. Are we supposed to act like we don't know who the killer is? It's only directed that way? Charlie Plummer pulled away at the proximity of Dylan McDermott.That would have been useful for some guttural acting but no one thought of it. Dylan mocks his character and has no idea how to preach about God. We're cheering for a family that sucks and a film that associates cross dressing with psychos. 19-Jun-2021

Tags: 2010s, Accidental Watch, By the Numbers, Conspiracy Theory, Director Slouch, Drama, Fatigue, Horror, Mystery, Oncer, Predictable, Preposterous, Silly, Star Watt, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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19-Jun-2021


Love, Victor (2020-) Woof

S2E8. Mama wrecked. Humans named Raheim are the #1 cause of gay break-ups in the entire world. Did daddy give daughter a present? I don't remember. Might be why she's a slut. Felix needs to gain some Styles likability, Lake needs to liberate herself from pettiness, daddy needs to fuck a trans, mama needs to fuck a giant and Benji needs a sugar daddy. Mia is the noticeable surprise that can evolve into something. "Shake yourself off before every scene, watch how Kerry does it and she'll do great." 15-Jun-2021
S2E6. Felix' story was heartbreaking. (Nosey white people.) There is nothing more disagreeable than watching a privileged woman bear an interracial child. 13-Jun-2021
Do youngsters really obsess over sex before having it? I guess you do if you don't have any cousins guiding you through puberty. I slept with people before I greeted them so this is cloudy for me. Boys who wait for sex are imperfect. These darling boys look like they can teach sex. Lake is a quirky favorite whose matched with Felix and his sad mentally unstable life. I hope it strikes. Andrew settled into a personality to become a cool friend and woo the delightful Mia. Daddy needs a breakdown. Mama needs to break loose. I did not know that coloring your hair is gay, gay. 13-Jun-2021
S2E3. Snuggle daddy does like Oprah taught him and bought his sons' love with favorite things. 12-Jun-2021
S2E2. I know something Victor doesn't. It doesn't matter if you come out. It's a selfish act that's been ingrained in us like the opposite of conversion therapy. Nobody cares. You tell people you feel safe with and let the strangers guess. A mother's homophobia cannot be fixed. She can tell you she loves you, she can accept you and your husband but in her heart, she will never see it as true. Life is not a fairytale but a burden. We can't force mama into PFLAG "therapy" just because we don't want to hear her opinion. I don't like Victor's swag. The audacity of giving his mother an ultimatum was privileged. There is no believable romantic couple. Mia needs to avenge Victor by stealing his next boyfriend. For gay realism, Victor needs to date 10 boys per season, in between the molestations and rapes. Daddy has such a nice face. 12-Jun-2021
E6-10. Performer TV IQ is high enough to rise above the suds, convey the right emotions, make us addicted and not drown from the weight of the soap. 18-Jun-2020
S1E5. It observes and overprotects its subject. It theorizes that problems only graze and that all people are inherently capable of understanding. Fables only grant the curious teen, added hurt on their venture. I'd rather tell it, solve it and not wait for the miracle to happen. 17-Jun-2020

Tags: 2020s, Amiable, By the Numbers, Chemistry, Comedy, Daddy Squish, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Gay, Gay Swatch, Good Acting, Heart Writ, Hot Swatch, Relationships, Sentimental, Star Watt, Sweet, Twinkie, Wit Snit, Words Spoke, Writ Thoughtful, Writ Tight

Filed under: TV

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17-Jun-2021


Below Deck: Sailing Yacht (2020-) ArfUpgradeWoof

The crew got to serve a yachty slave crew. Captain confided his dick needed a wide angle lens to capture its full impact. Daisy couldn't leave the boat without making a feminine princess feel like she's worthless for liking scum dick. Colin has a crush on scum dick. He has a jealous eye and a broken heart. I hope he goes home, mourns his dog and makes peace with it. Sydney became diseased when the first mate rejected her. She smashed her vagina in front of the men and all they could do was swallow hard. Natasha was amusing. Alli is destined to be made fool of again, probably by Gary, on future TV. Gary needs to go oink. A good 12 inches should fix her. Bitch be cleaning the boat with her tongue. Sorry, mate. Samantha and giant Darrin were not promoted to anything. Bummer. 14-Jun-2021
The crew agreed that Gary should have never been born then promoted him. Gypsy woman entrapped Green Giant into having babies. Naughty mope. She'll take a green card from anywhere. Captain Pop got slurpy. Spydeck remains an enigma. Sydney still horny. 07-Jun-2021
It was the Hocus Pocus charter. Giant discovered his dick turned red because the bruja is using pussy cement. (I told you!) One of the high commanders from the witch colony claimed the coven was rejecting her because she was the most plastically altered/beautiful. I couldn't tell them apart. Captain was nerve wracked. He seemed like he was going to call his crew idiots and jump ship. Natasha served dessert in a trough for pigs. Really? Plastic people can make irreverent comments about lowly people but the lowliest should never be caught criticizing them. "We pay for the servitude, so shut up!" Poor Alli. Those bitches. 24-May-2021
The Captain was done in by mammoth equipment. A charter of women came to lounge, dispute and to show America that their lifestyle isn't healthy for anyone. The giant's penis is turning red and the culprit wants to jump ship. Brown girl lied. Daisy celebrated. Gary is living his best life. 18-May-2021
No critique. I felt like I was watching a special episode of Baywatch or worst, Flipper and took pity on them. 11-May-2021
Daisy was murdered and it had nothing to do with Natasha. Captain Pop was as befuddled by Daisy's lame attempt at a Murder Mystery Dinner as we were. He looked like the only adult at a kids' table. He should have been included somehow. It's not befitting a captain to appear lost. There are so many excellent swimmers on staff. Why didn't one of the crew get pushed overboard? It would have been dramatic. The giant saved the day then got disgusted when his chiquita showed interest in Alli's labia. The Chucky of the Sea tried to give Sydney a rise by making out with Alli like she was Sofia the First. Sydney got her revenge by informing the viewers how inadequate the Chuck is in bed. 03-May-2021

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Drama, Fatigue, Overcooked, Reality, Relationships, Showy, Shrill Act, Travel, Writer's Peak

Filed under: TV

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14-Jun-2021


Annabelle Takes A Tour (1938) Arf

I didn't expect much. There are no early signs of Lucyisms because Lucille wanted to convey a star. Washed up Hollywood connoisseur is lagging at the box office. An insignificant publicist arranges movie roles that she has to act out in real life. If she's playing a prisoner, she goes to jail, if she's a sexy maid that's what she becomes. It's difficult to see a buffoon handle physical comedy when a master stood beside him but that's what was expected of a female Hollywood star. High heeled and mute. Ms. Ball was caught in a silly comedy that limited her intelligence and expertise. The physical comedy was male oriented and she was relegated to wit only. It was a viewer audition film. When buffoon performs the "handy dandy cleaner" skit without assistance from the master I was mightily heartbroken. 26-May-2021

Tags: 1930s, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Comedy, Drama, Enthusiastic, Funny, Over the Top, Preposterous, Silly, Wit Crack, Words Spoke

Filed under: Movies

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26-May-2021


Seventh Sign, The (1988) Whimper

God was so angry with us in the 80s that he sent seven signs to warn us he was on a path of annihilation and made Demi Moore and her baby carry the burden. If she can fulfill enough of God's contracts she can accomplish the "save the world" prophecies in the bible. Moore's luminescence and chemistry is wasted on shitty creators. A man can protect the world but only a woman can save it. 04-May-2021

Tags: 1980s, Accidental Watch, By the Numbers, Camp, Chemistry, Conspiracy Theory, Cultish, Cultural, Daddy Squish, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Horror, Hot Swatch, Mad, Mystery, SciFi, Silly, Squish Alert, Star Watt, Timid, Weird, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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04-May-2021


Below Deck: Sailing Yacht (2020-) ArfUpgradeWoof

Daisy's wish that brown girl would fail at everything was overridden by juju food seasoned to perfection that caused outbursts of joyful magical sensations. Daisy needed to check her own department. They left Captain Pop without any clean black sexy underwear. Are they nuts?! The citizen application seemed very disappointed that the giant fit. What does that mean? The tip of my baby finger is snug... that means he's...2. Two Feet? Would I have pointed it out if it was 2 feet? Oh shit. I would but in a different manner. The fairytale crushing Bizarro fuck accounts for her sudden flow of tears and romantic reminiscing. She will never be as good as this. Might as well fuck with this clown. The boat is full of juju and the seƱorita has a few powders of her own. (Is it the cement my mother prescribed to my best friend to make her husband think she was a virgin again?) Whatever brings her closer to opportunity. She meant home. She wants to give back. You can't have it all. Gary is a shag monster! Glistening soft drunks are the new swag. I asked him to lick me upside down and he did! You don't let guests dehydrate, especially nice ones. Giants tumble. 27-Apr-2021
Natasha told Daisy to "kiss off" by turning her food into art. Giants consume, peek and hibernate. Everyone wants a shot at Gary, his cheeky sensibility and spotless ass. I'm sure it slides right in. (Sorry, "man brain" on.) They spent a lot of time being defensive about smokers. Smokers separate as a courtesy to everyone and to bond with other smokers. So the fucking what. Everyone else wasted time obsessing over the idea that a human can do that. Sydney qualifies as a "pyscho sexual slut" who's gonna kill to get her man.

(Oops, "man brain" again. "I'm really trying, mama. Please don't hurt me!") 20-Apr-2021
Blame it all on Natasha. 15-Apr-2021
Captain Pop has the chill to relax and the stern to discipline. Ahoy. The gay charter were dressed in "red alerts." The Penguin threatened his pet Pugsley with the fat farm if he didn't stop eating after getting home. Ouch. Ok, then. Maybe the reason the boy devours food is because the family keeps turning meals into parties to avoid emotions. The marriage proposal to his daughter's boyfriend was cold, cruel and deserving. They appeared to seal a contract. It's a probability that the daughter is still with the boyfriend and faking it for their betterment or Penguin thought he could steal a good fuck for himself. Daughter stopped eating and drowned her woes in alcohol after the engagement and threw up. "You parental-privileged, fish-eating, fat shaming, climate swallowing, child torturing, slave driving, vagina-hating and inappropriate froth." 07-Apr-2021
A woman's kryptonite is a horny man whispering momentary sweet nothings in her ear. A man's kryptonite is his dick. The crew spins the bottle and force strangers to kiss. Decadent. A decent charter gets eclipsed by out of bound cliches. A gay father married to his daughter's ex, children with permanent scowls on their faces and exes riding the money trail onboard to poison the atmosphere. They sexually harassed a woman's giant, nose sniffed privilege and dick shrank perversion. Where's the progress? 29-May-2020

Tags: 2020s, By the Numbers, Camp, Drama, Fatigue, Overcooked, Reality, Relationships, Showy, Shrill Act, Travel

Filed under: TV

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27-Apr-2021


Deadly Illusions (2021) Whimper

Kristin Davis helms an asinine parent who hires a vibrant and stainless nanny to temporarily raise her children whilst she finishes her novel. With the children occupied, mama is able to walk the town freely, jump naked in the pool, smoke cigars, drink and get her labia lip smacked by a teenaged nanny. The sex isn't for exploration. It's cold and unimportant because the sex tease is an excuse to keep us interested and fooled. The nanny spends as much time with the kids as the parents. Where the fuck were those kids? Daddy exists to spill his juice and to pantomime what a real man looks like. It all culminates like "Fatal Attraction" trash with old daddy fighting for his life in a shower, wearing only a towel. Embarrassingly funny. 23-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Accidental Watch, Art Devoid, By the Numbers, Camp, Crapfun, Crime Drama, Daddy Squish, Dialogue Lament, Disappointment, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Funny, Sort of, Gay Swatch, Lesbian, Mystery, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Relationships, Revenge, Romance, Star Watt, Stupid Funny, Suspense, Weird, Wit Crack

Filed under: Movies

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23-Mar-2021


Monster Hunter (2020) Whimper

Why are they monster hunters? Nobody wants to track these ugly fuckers down. They happen to be in the way of some people getting home. That's all. Self-defense has nothing to do with hunting. The military swag from all sexes was nauseating, the action was energetic but preposterous, all of the bad actors die first and we thank the gods but the monsters mainly consisted of a "Tremors" beast, a crablike spider and a dragon made of rocks. The cat was funny but was given minimal time. (What a delight to surprise Dr. Viviana with that one!) Non-descript monsters and humans battling an unrealistic warp world. It doesn't make Hi-C sense. 21-Mar-2021

Tags: 2020s, Action, Action Stomper, By the Numbers, Drama, Fantasy, Fatigue, Horror, Over the Top, Predictable, Preposterous, Sentimental, Silly, Stupid Funny, Wit Crack, Wit Snit, Writ w/Possibilities

Filed under: Movies

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21-Mar-2021




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