TV Posts Tagged as 'By the Numbers'
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Below Deck: Sailing Yacht (2020-)
Natasha told Daisy to "kiss off" by turning her food into art. Giants consume, peek and hibernate. Everyone wants a shot at Gary, his cheeky sensibility and spotless ass. I'm sure it slides right in. (Sorry, "man brain" on.) They spent a lot of time being defensive about smokers. Smokers separate as a courtesy to everyone and to bond with other smokers. So the fucking what. The others waste time obsessing over the idea that a human can do that. Sydney qualifies as a "pyscho sexual slut" who's gonna kill to get her man.
(Oops, "man brain" again. "I'm really trying, mama. Please don't hurt me!") 20-Apr-2021
Blame it all on Natasha. 15-Apr-2021
Captain Pop has the chill to relax and the stern to discipline. Ahoy. The gay charter were dressed in "red alerts." The Penguin threatened his pet Pugsley with the fat farm if he didn't stop eating after getting home. Ouch. Ok, then. Maybe the reason the boy devours food is because the family keeps turning meals into parties to avoid emotions. The marriage proposal to his daughter's boyfriend was cold, cruel and deserving. They appeared to seal a contract. It's a probability that the daughter is still with the boyfriend and faking it for their betterment or Penguin thought he could steal a good fuck for himself. Daughter stopped eating and drowned her woes in alcohol after the engagement and threw up. "You parental-privileged, fish-eating, fat shaming, climate swallowing, child torturing, slave driving, vagina-hating and inappropriate froth." 07-Apr-2021
A woman's kryptonite is a horny man whispering momentary sweet nothings in her ear. A man's kryptonite is his dick. The crew spins the bottle and force strangers to kiss. Decadent. A decent charter gets eclipsed by out of bound cliches. A gay father married to his daughter's ex, children with permanent scowls on their faces and exes riding the money trail onboard to poison the atmosphere. They sexually harassed a woman's giant, nose sniffed privilege and dick shrank perversion. Where's the progress? 29-May-2020
Young Sheldon (2017-)
Did old Sheldon just announce that Call Me Kat was a lousy lay? 27-Feb-2021
Bringing the sweet back to comedy. I'll take it. 24-May-2019
The only way to siphon enjoyment is to abolish any thought that this Sheldon exemplifies Big Bang Sheldon. Mamas and sentimentality rule. 16-Jan-2018
Young Sheldon is only a shadow of the adult we know from Big Bang. Continuity frustrates because the child quips about things that the adult version deflected. The fun is limited because we know the child wont make it to maturity, is not invested in relationships and his family will barely exist in his present. 27-Sep-2017
Call Your Mother (2021-)
There is no reason to call her because she is the primary that needs parenting. Mother can make a dirty cheese muffin, attention grab the hell out of parental privilege and retract the independence from her children. A sexless black gay token is hired to fawn over white mama madness and the other is relegated to immobile chat calls as mama's bestie. The younglings have no idea how to create a spark and the son should have been gay. What's a crappy mother without a gay son? Boring. 21-Jan-2021
United We Fall (2020-)
Bland parental failure without boundaries. Do whatever doesn't disappoint most of the members and move on. It isn't that funny. There are no consequences or punishments. They fail and move on. 20-Jan-2021
Happiest Season (2020)
Lesbian with bad wig exploits girlfriend with bad dye job by coercing her to celebrate the holidays with her cult (family.) In-laws suck no matter how much they pretend to adapt and because that sinking feeling we get when you first meet is the truest. I thought that being loud and proud would supply Kristen Stewart with a personality but she remains dry ice. Maybe she's the wrong sex. I don't know where she was but she wasn't here. Dan Levy proves why I won't watch his Creek's shit. Just because the character is useless doesn't mean you can't steal it. I would have sexually cheated my way out of there and said fuck you to Whoville pudding.
(Oh, Oh. I don't mean to bring this up but it does end with lesbian violence. No fucking kidding. They knock down a Christmas tree and everything.) 20-Dec-2020
Saturday Night Live (2018-)
The Christmas episode with Kristen Wiig. Wiig graced us with her professionalism but the balls to her pong were deflated. Lorne, when you choose diversity over talent you get this. The worst cast imaginable. There are exceptions, Jost and Che always overcome the overly fussed jokes and even though he can't get it right Beck Bennet's squishiness is succulent. He stays for one more round until he can prove himself. Pete Davidson's infamy will always precede his comedy. None of Wiig's skits worked. She was out of practice and sadly written. Dua Lipa can't act but she can swing a mean hat. 20-Dec-2020
I watch every once in a while. The man is no longer in the picture. 20-Dec-2020
My lover and I quit you. 30-Sep-2018
Matt revved it up, Rachel graced it, the steadies couldn't overcome it, the host is best I don't mention and Kanye shat all over it. His disdain for all art was evident on song #1, negligence of talent and profanity (titgate? really?) towards women appeared second and historic irrationality capped the finale. He was a man who had sold his soul to the devil even if it betrayed his race and himself. Trump deserves him.
It made me angry and in need of a horror bath. 30-Sep-2018
Christmas Setup, The (2020)
A demure mouse and his follower spend Christmas with his mom to opine their inability to succeed at anything. Frilly city gay meets country dorky gay. It's a gay love story with grand support from a fairy goddess (Fran Drescher.) She huffs and puffs but everyone else is yawning. The romantic leads need some Goya beans to create a spark and Lifetime needs to do better impassioning the male community with quality man product. 15-Dec-2020
Love Island (2019-)
S2E32. Women are no longer viable as sexual beings so I'm doing a gay male review. Johnny is the gorgeous god you play with but don't mess with. Carrington is the luscious top boy whose ass you have to taste. You're hooking up with Caleb even though your instincts are crushing you because his game is really really good and Calvin looks like the cousin that introduced me to naughty sex. 16-Oct-2020
Something's missing. Is it the "I kin kill a beah and cook it for ya" supervisor with capabilities accent or the females slightly squeakier version of it? Americans don't care. They rather complain about Cuties than judge the real culprit...themselves. There's "yeah, you're cute poor," "waving anatomy parts freely on a farm, dirt poor," "just fucking desperate and will fuck for a Walmart gift card piss ass poor." (Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you meant gif.) 20-Sep-2020
I love "Casa de Amor," wherein sexual workers extract the soul of a man through penile engrossment. 16-Sep-2020
The police sirens add amateur porn reality. 09-Sep-2020
The UK version redeemed its relevance. Horny younglings released from quarantine onto a desert mirage of true love. Fuck the boys and do not marry the girls. 08-Sep-2020
Finale. My manhood has been restored. I felt absolutely nothing. 13-Aug-2019
Toxic playpen wherein a woman's suffering and desperation is a man's empowerment. 01-Aug-2019
Lovecraft Country (2020-)
I wish the production would ignore whites the way they did us because white men as devil diatribe is tired. The horror inhabits everything in history that we celebrated with no punch. I want to celebrate who we are, should be, can be, not something we never were. Wasting a beautiful cast on nonsense. 31-Aug-2020
The Jefferson clap was joyous, ex-President to Jorel was cheek and daddy brick stripped with comic book accuracy. The cast is in it but the words don't feel them. Too much confusion to be fixated on anything. I'm confused because my old head can't grasp it or because the words are slippery. Exactly. Its biggest problem is fixating on not humiliating itself in the portrayal of people that were. The people whose courage we still remember. 23-Aug-2020
Amiably cast, historically vibrant but returning the black man to when he had no power does us no good. (Wos included.) A scare happens when you don't expect it. White cops versus saints versus action heroes. There's only one answer. The three protagonists are full of huff and puff when it's historically known that most people didn't stand up at that time. That's why we're here. It's insulting to the few that famously dared. The big bang threat was unexpectedly absurd and depressing. (Daddy brick needs to get naked.) 17-Aug-2020
Love, Victor (2020-)
E6-10. Performer TV IQ is high enough to rise above the suds, convey the right emotions, make us addicted and not drown from the weight of the soap. 18-Jun-2020
S1E5. It observes and overprotects its subject. It theorizes that problems only graze and that all people are inherently capable of understanding. Fables only grant the curious teen, added hurt on their venture. I'd rather tell it, solve it and not wait for the miracle to happen. 17-Jun-2020
Below Deck: Sailing Yacht (2020-)
Jen protested and slimed with the cook.
Georgia celebrated freedom by calling Jen a bully and telling her bff that she had designs on her husband. She goes Love Island and tells daddy too.
Paget's dick-o-meter flew in so many directions, I thought he was going to explode. Every time he got close to Ciara, the meter resisted, it was pointing elsewhere and he made it obvious. The moment when his meter is pointed straight at her (his worth,) is priceless.
Happy deck grew on me.
Adam's chirpiness can come off as secretly plotting.
Byron finally got to go home and put all those nasty thoughts to rest.
Madison is a bright spot that makes me laugh.
The captain earned his daddy stripes. 29-May-2020
The dysfunctional guests creeped and Popeye politely reprimanded Olive Oyl for spending too much time on Adam's face and she reciprocated by using her female empowerment to rampage against her underlings and proclaiming that man worship prioritizes all job responsibilities. 19-May-2020
Adam got horny again.
Women are impeded from good work with a penis in their face.
Madison's stab at Kim and Kanye, beheaded.
Happy deck's pajama bulge might warrant why he's happy.
Ciara couldn't curtail her man so she turned in a female colleague. Brava! That's empowerment. 11-May-2020
Captain had his spinach and almost blew the boat over.
Madison only bitched for half the show. Joy.
Georgia needs to drop her mic.
Parker in his skivvies. I think I found Georgia's mic.
Jenna was groundhogging... miscommunication with man, over and over.
Come on Ciara, you can take her.
Adam. He only found his trousers after cuming inside Jenna. She is safe until the next cycle.
A dangerous threesome is about to explode. May the best woman win? Really?
Georgia, you shouldn't flirt if it changes the flow.
Madison appeared to be chill, creating negative balls of energy to allow us to perceive and laugh at the ridiculous circumstances they are in but she's being ghost boated because she truly truly believes it.
Byron doesn't talk much but gives the impression that he's always thinking about sex.
Adam didn't realize that women appreciate the money put into getting them flowers. It has nothing to do with flowers.
There is way too much happiness emanating from the new deck.
The boat was stocked with super Cleopatras on tiptoe allowing macho toxicity to beg for something women no longer give. The primary pulled away from a hug before giving it and handed the captain the envelope on the second reach. That felt very supreme.
Alas, the best was saved for last, as the cameraman went Hitchcock and directed Adam's rampage like the conversations Norman Bates had with his mother. If it was true, it was sadly hilarious. 28-Apr-2020
Money solved all their problems.
The only funny the brutes laid out was calling chef, Ted Bundy. The saddest thing chef did was exhibit why. 17-Mar-2020
The chugalug got invaded by woke tacks radiating American political correctness as growled on social media. They use the black guy to intimidate the boat, they have no respect for work, time, money or sex and the show needs to punish them for it. I know that cameramen don't interfere but under these circumstances they have to. Is that a rule now?
(I think the chief stew and the chef get paid extra to hookup.) 10-Mar-2020
Sailing is an experience that whelms whilst you're doing it. Watching people and things keel over only titillates once.
The crew is intent on capturing attention but they are bland fish hooked on a line.
Pro reproduction banishment conversations are welcome. 26-Feb-2020
Camp Getaway (2020-)
It needs a serial killer. 13-May-2020
Never Have I Ever (2020-)
Female driven fairytale of teen empowerment. To obtain such merit, a girl must prioritize "the shortcuts," suppress the lower stereotypes, pounce on a superior royal animal and have it grant her that royal fucking that will liberate her. (So, all girls think.) I don't remember kids talking like this, I hope kids aren't talking like this and I definitely hope they don't start. One episode of unawareness, lack of emotional study and an honest laugh, had me bolting. In fairytales there are no lessons without a witch.
Niecy Nash glimmered gingerly. 08-May-2020
Too Hot To Handle (2020-)
No sex games, stripper parties or porn stars performing anatomy tricks. No Casa De Amor with an hour free of rules to tempt anyone. A lame exercise in controlling the libido does not a better date candidate make and I have no idea what point it's trying to make. (The winner takes home about $12.00 after taxes.) 19-Apr-2020
The norm is hornier than I thought. Love Island Castaways land on Mt. Celibacy and are tortured into going straight. The women are boob jocks and the men prance around blowing bro bubbles. The understanding is that what an independent woman wants, is a servant. It's not daring or tacky, not willing to titillate on a channel that permits it and not willing to locate a winning politic. "Tom Holland future" is an eerie panty shredder, women are still reaching for the biggest/complicated things, unruly racism is itching closer to our faces and Jesus left because he couldn't stand them. 18-Apr-2020
Horse Girl (2020)
The title sets it up for failure. Mare straddles insanity via conspiracy theory. Almost every character is hypocritical and alienating and the balance of insanity versus sanity is insane. (Hint: the horse wins!) 15-Feb-2020