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Movies Posts Tagged as 'By the Numbers'
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I was in as soon as I witnessed Shiv being sarcastic to a saucy child. I was out when the mystery couldn't sustain itself and it lavished us with endless finales. It wouldn't end. After the first finale, the predictions come quick, the heart slows and wtf? It's a long way around to prove mother is an asshole. 02-Jul-2023
There's Something Wrong With The Children (2023) 
Mixed raced couples spend a weekend away with each other and their latino kids. Things go awry when they hit a cave on their hike with a luminous hole that only attracts the attention of children, even though it later states that adults can go in it too. The only thing that changes after the incident is that the kids stop being snarky and in charge. They turn robotic, obedient and deadly, sort of. The friends start accusing each of things real and induced by vagina magic. The men react off-key and don't have much of a bond. The women have a hypocritical relationship. Telling the truth only applies if they're drunk, tested or just can't stand each other. The mother blaming her friend for the death of her child rang. The children don't scare and revenge is unfulfilled. I thought putting a little sombrero and poncho on the siblings would not have necessarily scared us but it would've created iconic characters, like Freddie. The scariest things arise from stereotypes, not hate. 23-Jun-2023
If you left kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bucket, expecting the movie to pop them, it does not. The origin story is deprived of force because of its oversimplification. Only three members achieved not looking foolish in their embodiments. Chris Evans steals everything with his bad boy swag, partial nudity and up to your imagination charm. Michael Chiklis was turned to brick, his eyes the main conveyor and I felt him. Kerry Washington was brave to enact being blind and fucking a brick dick. Ion Gruffud was chosen from a dork photo line-up. Jessica Alba decided to go bronze skin with blonde hair which is irrelevant to who she's portraying. I always envisioned Sue Storm as a mature-minded leader. Every breath Alba shared, purred, "I'm sexy, are you going to marry me or what?" According to the film, Sue Storm has no reason to powerfully exist except to stop traffic, plea for love, get undressed and be invisible. She's no Barbara Bain. Julian Macmahon's Dr. Doom made my popcorn explode with a whimper. He acted like he was in a live comic book written by those Power Rangers people. He cheapened the film. The film is more excited about what effects can do than establishing a purpose for a character's existence. Action is in a rush to move on and be forgotten. Its enjoyable but "let's put it in the kids' dvd section, for now. 16-Jun-2023
Shazam! Fury Of The Gods (2023)
A Saturday morning kiddie show that plays after the popular ones have aired and kids watch whilst having lunch. It can't shake off the silliness so it embraced it. Bad mistake. It only works if it's funny. Some of the writers asked their children what they would like to see and the parents yucked it up. Elegant ladies of maturity shouldn't have to wear clunky armor especially if they're witches. The villains are not much of a threat. They just need more "home" visits from the family. Why did they pile on so much ick hair and clothing on Hinsou's god? Zachary Levi. His solution when discomfited is to make a face or a nine year's old gesture. His younger alter ego is a teenager on his way to becoming a man. They work as separate units but not as a whole. They copy nothing from each other. Billy's best friend's storyline had the emotional heft that Shazam's didn't. It doesn't even take us on a fantastical journey. It was a scenic bus ride to Walmart. 07-Jun-2023
Antman & The Wasp: Quantumania (2023) 
Cuteness and self congratulations does not befit these superpowered saviors. It rehashes helicopter dad and rebellious vigilante super daughter, predictably and unattached. Paul Rudd looked confused. The daughter misses being a good thing because she is stereotyped. MODOK looked like a badly stretched photo. The Quantum Realm was a mishmash of background paintings with no movement or the dulcet tones of Bob Ross. The inhabitants are the rejected drawings of cantina ideas for all the Star Wars films. The director applied the cutesies to an alien slime that cutely spoke. Good job actor, but there is nothing cute about talking jello. Pfeiffer tackled her heroism with gusto even though the words sounded exhausted. Chemistry was beginning to form between her and Kang. They should have played that out as a Part 1. The support was alert but there was too much realm and rah rah rah. The purpose of this pilot movie was to introduce Kang so it can comfortably occupy more room in the tie-ins. Majors hits all the right notes but Kang is underwritten and easily beaten. 18-May-2023
Bette's 50s era was full of Lady Davis folklore and drag queen reboots. Lady Davis was forced to compete with herself. A worn out hunk has beef with her husband because he foiled a heist and he's being blamed. Bette is at the height of shifty. She parlays her caricature tics to mixed effects. She is over until somebody fucks with her animal. The feelings reeled a barracuda out of her. The camera decided that Bette's gift was mechanical and that the new way was better. They highlighted her flaws and disheveled her tidiness. The disclosures felt possibly true, Bette's messy art was always entertaining but it's a crappy movie. 10-Apr-2023
If you want your black fiancee to dump you, seek comfort with your adorable ex whose a cop and explain to him that you are not mentally ill but cursed. Parker Posey and Hillary Swank's niece pants as much as she talks in the role of a useless psychoanalyst. It avoids the psychic explanation but grants us a hooey mythology. The smile is irrelevant. It's a wink to Joker's laugh gas. The kid's party had me rolling, the mother turning into a drag queen was unexpected but the juju was preposterous. 24-Feb-2023
The best thing about the experiment is the music video at post end. Not for the music but the courage the singer had by being the only thing in the water worth watching. Youths have nothing identifiable to say. They're screaming because their friends keep getting mysteriously killed but have time to gleefully reminisce about partying while continuously drinking. There is no finality or viable explanation. The man holding the camera just drops it at the end. 19-Feb-2023
Jeepers Creepers Reborn (2022)
An abortion would have served it right. Black men are not fanatical about visiting voodoo stores and doing horror cosplay. It brings bad mojo. He would have shat his pants. Is anyone aware that the Creeper is a sexual deviant that kills teenage girls and devours soft boys? He wouldn't give two shits about a girl, especially an old one. A pervert with a penchant for boys made him, the Creeper should be treated as such. 03-Feb-2023
I hope so. Besides the original two, no one has added anything fresh, stimulating or artistic. Michael is psychic now. He can tell when someone's been bad to children, like Santa Claus. They gave Laurie white guilt because she is responsible for unleashing all the serial killers in our community. It felt equivalent to hanging Carroll O'Connor for his amazing portrayal of a bigot. Laurie's feminism got softened. She sets up her granddaughter, that almost got killed by the most famous serial killer ever, with a date that served time for maybe killing a child. Yeah, the kid died. Worst parent ever. Why couldn't they meet on their own without Laurie's instincts being seniled? Absolutely not, you are never leaving this house until that psycho is off the streets! That would have been enough fury to unleash a psycho. Corey's idea of a possible serial killer is smiling like he's auditioning for The Dark Knight: The Joker Reborn. An animated feature. I wished the psychos in my life were that funny. Giving Corey a storyline was a stall tactic because they didn't know how to end it. It's been so long that they forgot the purpose. It mistook the original as schlock entertainment and served it as such. What stood out in the original was the images, hand magic, ideas and symbolism. Awesome music is ingrained, a mask and a scream queen born of Janet Leigh never hurt. Everyone deserved better. 02-Feb-2023
The menu didn't serve enough choices and didn't take advantage of it's clientele. Face actor Fiennes was ready to do some really mean things but he ended up depraved and soulless. What makes foodies offensive is not their meal choices but their business dealings? Hong Chau creeped out and overcame ick material. Nicholas Hoult didn't get a chance to swing. Taylor-Joy gave good face but subtle depth. Was John Leguizamo the only latin pimp with taste buds they could think of? He doesn't belong. The horror element is copied from a better script's cliff notes. The actors did not do like Lucy and make us believe they were eating that shit. Hardly anybody ate. Didn't get it, didn't care because I eat to survive. 22-Jan-2023
Not only were the true Agojie violent cutthroats they were also responsible for the massacre and enslavement of millions. According to historians the women were discarded third wives that husbands no longer found worthy of sharing a bed with. King Ghezo was one of the biggest slave traders of his time and trained the discarded women to massacre, sacrifice, enslave and sell men, women and children, no matter the tribe. The film fantasizes that the amazonian women formed their own empowerment group and conquered the white people that invaded them. White characters are sketched with no humanity which makes the action appear cruel instead of intoxicating. In the world of the living, the white people being fought were trying to abolish slavery and succeeded in killing the women instantaneously. Production was handed a bold cast to portray male versions of themselves. What a pity they couldn't find real women to emulate. 05-Jan-2023
A visually appealing cast is wasted on a production team that doesn't know how to stimulate people. It says women are dysfunctional without family. It's forever emptiness like a missing appendage or lost luggage. Half black girls all want to be white. The best man game in town is offering women free stuff. The #1 reason women get into trouble is because they accept free stuff. I spent the first hour wondering if a starving artist would actually wear a nose ring to meet royal snoots. At the end, it didn't matter but it had me tuning in and out, wracking my brain until it got really stoopid and I stayed tuned 100%. 26-Dec-2022
Dwayne Johnson did not consider that the stoic and angry facade of an ancient god is not equivalent to Arnold playing a Terminator. A vengeful all powerful god would have much to express besides muscle matter. The skateboard annoyed me. Studious colored boys did not skate in our hoods. It attracted thieves that would steal it and smash it over our heads. Sarah Shahi played the only invulnerable man on land. At no time did we get to enjoy Noah Centineo's package, neither when he was big or small. Quintess' Cyclone consisted of a Quincenera elf suit and the special powers of Rainbow Brite. It does everything critics dislike about movies and more. Self-introduction, cheerleading, self-promotion, the jesus complex, preaching and copying things misunderstood. It's hard to tolerate a superhero with little vulnerability. It's like watching the same action gif over and over. 21-Dec-2022
It's a horror slasher that believes it shouldn't have to explain why a killer kills. He just does. It's a lack of opinion and a loss for art. A perspective from a person with capabilities would have created a nicer balance. Mask off created no tension or tingles. SPOILER ALERT: It wasn't Brad Pitt. The mask was more effective. All was slasher cohesion with no heart attacks. 20-Dec-2022
