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Movies Posts Tagged as 'By the Numbers'
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Spider-man split open his asshole and we tasted it. The flavors were acidic and international. Like a caesar salad. Miranda covers an artist that succeeded without musicality because he's an artist that also succeeds without it. When did Spider-Man become Doc from "Back To The Future?" Andrew is its good thing, Robin de Jesus is a missed opportunity and Judith Light was too jewish. Vanessa Hudgens was the only artist that understood the piece of crap she was in and relaxed to our enjoyment. Bad music and immature storytelling equal forgotten art. 24-Dec-2021
A "These Old Broads" rip. Parents only know how to parent children. Grandma cannot prove that she is self-sufficient. Family and an accident coerce her into a senior home where conversion therapy for the dying (bffs) and medical staff await. It's a high school for broken bones. The writers applied one word descriptions to their legends. They are characterized as "extreme" (Burstyn), "cranky bitch" (Curtain), "sex kitten" (Ann-Margret), and "why the fuck are you here?" (Devine.) These women have accumulated enough historical fanfare to study and for writers to create great characters. Adding something personal would have reminded us why these ladies are great but instead they minimized them. Ellen Burstyn is a powerhouse, Jane Curtain is a Jane, bitch, Ann-Margret is a tiger and Tina Turner is a legacy. Oh. That wasn't Tina Turner? But she's Ann's friend. Oh. 21-Dec-2021
The film describes a violent female as a failed mother/wife/child whose rage needs to be re-directed towards a profit. A killer that knows when to stop is a champion. They don't fight to save the world but themselves. Halle's fighter is homeless, negative and miserable. She keeps her feelings Eastwood. The boy's tongue was cut because he was either a lousy actor or the audience doesn't need to hear a black boy speak. Hispanics inherit black male stereotypes. Lesbian and mama were ready to sparkle but were given little illumination. It piles cliches without original thinking. I kept hoping she was a secretary with a hot lesbian boss. At least she would have been cute. 28-Nov-2021
"James Corden" type entertainer teaches genius diversity how to rock out. Sex, drugs and rock n roll. 23-Oct-2021
Dying earth has programmed younglings to survive in space, reproduce, have children that will procreate and establish the next generation of earthlings to inhabit a distant planet. A Lord Of The Flies mentality hits the younglings when a power shift has them aborting their docile medical dosage and predatory sexuality becomes dominant. Tye Sheridan exuded Tom Hardy fumes, Colin Farrell was pitch perfect American and Lilly Rose Depp showed promise. It had limited resources to acquire knowledge from. They sent only one elder to fly a ship and the teens were too woke to identify half of their problems. How can they identify things they've never experienced? It boasts thrills from better accomplishments yet I was entertained. 16-Oct-2021
Hot daddy pilot travels with wife and burdens to a hometown family funeral. People in town are "weird as fuck" for no apparent reason. Hot daddy crashes and lands at Loretta Devine's feet. Loretta is a preacher woman with Godspeak, henchmen and devil worship. Ms. Devine wins stripes for establishing a colorful character out of thin air. Omari Hardwick's gifts remained fully wrapped and there were no white people to scare us. 23-Sep-2021
It rewrites history by replacing evil with benign cruelty and dog hugs. The Emmas were royal, the doggies were cute and the support was on call. Cruella's transformation never coalesces with the original character. She's a naughty bottom feeder with asshole friends, who snuggles with furries she later eats, is a career opportunist and an apocalyptic disaster waiting to happen but she's very sweet. (Glenn Close laugh!) 13-Sep-2021
An analogy of a woman that must reach the lower depths of hell/sex in order to achieve sainthood is only a thought. The film presents predictably with scares overwhelming thoughts. Writing creates a psychotic brain made of incomplete truths. The savior is full of god cum and icky vibes. She's a frustrated cis, wet by girl action. The saved is full of lesbian venom and privileged wit. 02-Aug-2021
Fear Street Part 3: 1666 (2021) 
Mythology overload. Lesbian witches are a creation of man's impotence and disregard for boundaries. The curse is complimentary. 21-Jul-2021
Fear Street Part Two: 1978 (2021)
Someone needs to tell little girls that they are not the only spectacular creatures in the world. If you want to keep your coffee hot, keep heating it. It was lukewarm. 15-Jul-2021
Barb And Star Go To Buena Vista (2021) 
Unusually mild comedy about 2 "glue factory" pals realizing they can live life and talk at the same time. Wiig has difficulty transferring her TV magnitude to the big screen but her amiability is intact. McLendon adds bitchiness to her evil. Pretty boy Dornan had me checking for Alzheimer's and wanting earplugs every time his accent veered. The musical numbers fell flat due to lack of training. The only line that made me laugh was about Florida smelling like Red Lobster. The rest was a grab bag of immature silliness. It's not about anything. It's a Sesame Street friendship. 10-Jul-2021
Kong vs. Kardashians. 10-Jul-2021
It's based on a historical serial killer but it's not. Boy's disinterest in crime history is tested when he stumbles upon evidence that may incriminate a loved one. A teen investigation ensues. Obvious clues don't allow the mystery to spring forward. The family does not generate enough emotion to evoke compassion. There is no new imagination. Are we supposed to act like we don't know who the killer is? It's directed that way. Charlie Plummer pulled away at the proximity of Dylan McDermott. That would have been useful for some guttural acting but no one thought of it. Dylan mocks his character and has no idea how to preach about God. We're cheering for a family that sucks and a film that associates cross dressing with psychos. 19-Jun-2021
I didn't expect much. There are no early signs of Lucyisms because Lucille wanted to convey a star. Washed up Hollywood connoisseur is lagging at the box office. An insignificant publicist arranges movie roles that she has to act out in real life. If she's playing a prisoner, she goes to jail, if she's a sexy maid that's what she becomes. It's difficult to see a buffoon handle physical comedy when a master stood beside him but that's what was expected of a female Hollywood star. High heeled and mute. Ms. Ball was caught in a silly comedy that limited her intelligence and expertise. The physical comedy was male oriented and she was relegated to wit only. It was a viewer audition film. When buffoon performs the "handy dandy cleaner" skit without assistance from the master I was mightily heartbroken. 26-May-2021
God was so angry with us in the 80s that he sent seven signs to warn us he was on a path of annihilation and made Demi Moore and her baby carry the burden. If she can fulfill enough of God's contracts she can accomplish the "save the world" prophecies in the bible. Moore's luminescence and chemistry is wasted on shitty creators. A man can protect the world but only a woman can save it. 04-May-2021
