Movies Posts Tagged as 'By the Numbers'
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Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017)
Surprise. Eliminating Hank Azaria as Gargamel does not make a Smurf franchise better. Besides being objectified, gangbanged and being a procreator, Smurfette is confused about her purpose. She goes on an unenviable adventure to find herself amid little care from the audience. The best stories do not have big bang adventures. They stay close to home so we can empathize with them. Girl Smurf explores and becomes at Lesbian Forest but returns to Smurf Village for the bangs. Sounds about right. 09-Nov-2020
Lilly James never grows into the character of Mrs. De Winter, married to a beautiful giant with the power of entitlement and a haunted past. She's a bumbler who goes head to head with a stern HOH named Mrs. Danvers whose the only person in charge. Kristin Scott Thomas sinks her teeth into a classic character that was a delightful fright but whose persona has been abbreviated to a devoted staff member. The best manipulations are designated to other characters which kills Mrs. Danvers psychosis and grants Thomas no fun. The story has been fidgeted, the lush is unimpressive, the style is non-existent, James is not the woman for the job and Hammer is a pretty package with no clue as to how to play a rich gorgeous dick. I would have preferred to see Rebecca's story play out. Mrs. Danvers could have pined for her mistress while Rebecca crushed men's spirits. Missed opportunity for some classic lesbian fun and threesomes with the Hammer. 23-Oct-2020
Wolves At The Door (2016)
The desecration of humanity is unforgiving. In order to conceptualize fact based savagery onto film you have to be a little nuts. The film goes where Tarantino's wouldn't and exploits it. It doesn't feel like the 60s, the ladies never heard of the 60s, the boys are drunks, stoners and stoopids and the killers remained shadowed like Halloween supervillains. Giving an evil character personality does not grant them humanity. It gives us a clue who to run away from. Make it up and make it real. I was a fan of Sharon Tate and I felt her tragedy. When I read "that" book, I experienced haunts and nightmares, forever. How could people be so inhumane? If the writer brings up the question, he and the director need to answer it. If you're going to make it, let your balls hang real low so the audience can cut them. The crew has regular mental health issues but no psychosis or artistry. It's Lifetime violence with '40s flair. The opener sizzled only because nobody makes Miss Jane look stoopid. 19-Sep-2020
Beyond White Space (2018)
The inclination to watch was always interrupted by its gaming inspired poster. It looked like something you would play not watch. Obviously, it's description and my boredom tuned us in.
After decimating earth the next boost for humanity is to fuck up space. Away we go with pirates, thieves, anarchists, loveless, lawless and hopeless. Fun fact: I did not know space had crabs and no gays. The monsters are CGI identified on a two sided coin. The dialogue is full of those chemicals we don't want on our meat, the actors eating corn would have had the same effect and the director/editor stumbled by premeditating everything about to occur. The action sequences are as inspired as a preview before a game that never starts. 28-Aug-2020
Fullmetal Alchemist (2018)
A boy and his brother surrender parts of themselves while trying to resurrect their mother through alchemy. A journey ensues to find a philosopher's stone that will return their bodies and relax their souls. The animated series was a dark tragedy with kiddie undertones, celebrating science and magic shows, stupendous mutants with biblical powers, military strategies and coos, cliffhangers and curves while pulling the heartstrings. The introduction is action best, the characters and the costumes click the memory banks but its empathy blubber is unforgivable. 26-Aug-2020
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
Runny episode in the Terminator franchise. There is no verve in watching women do what they never do in real life. ("If I see another Karen dropkick another neighbor, I'll lose my shit.") It has all the ingredients of the best ones with none of its simmer, smarts or pot of humor. Young Arnold impressed but his Terminator mythology was destroyed. The cute brother should have played the Terminator. Sarah Connor is a show off. It talks, it fights, it conquers...story continued on Jane The Virgin. 21-Aug-2020
Liar, Liar (1997)
Jim Carrey is the stupid king. There are moments when you just want him to stop and take a breather and he does but it starts up again and you give in because it's a freedom a lot of us lack. To be stupid. The plot is really a set-up for Jim, the score reminded me of crappy summers, the kid was too cute, daddy positions were frivolous but the meister was at his cutest and most stupidest. Funny! 12-Aug-2020
What Keeps You Alive (2018)
Brittany Allen has a face you follow especially when great material meets her. Psychopathic danger presented for lesbians and personifying all women. Talking it out before every kill and expressing feelings that don't make sense has returned to cinema. The film flashes to the threat so quickly that its fallback is to drag and repeat. The director didn't shake the camera for bumps and the cutter had no guts. I admired the video twist and the cruel kill. I return to Allen because when all other characters drained, it was her face that maintained me. 11-Aug-2020
Hobbs and Shaw (2019)
Action daddypalooza. It's about a virus that hints at corona which means the celebration is anticlimactic? The godly Samoan took to criticism and calmed his macho down. The squirt squirted sweet juice and super daddy accent rode it like Harry Potter on a broom. All plane sequences worked. I liked the conversation between the three on the plane and the action amongst the clouds took me to flight. The Rock admitted his shortcomings, the kicker provided sharp flare and street daddy gobbled all the cowboy tech limited by budget. Most of the action felt cartoony, some of the action felt inspired but mostly the action fulfilled what a disposable master would authorize. We must stop announcing "badass." It's not something you know, its something you are. Men will never be mothers but they can front the criticism. The writer needs to allow us to judge them. 09-Aug-2020
Cursed temple threat. Elements of faith and wanton explorers is fear elementary but limitations keep holding it back. Pretty boy with luscious hair is as captivating as pretty girl with luscious hair because the director was obviously into both but neither was given character development besides the wet dreamy sort. They set it up, I saw marked cards, called it foul but it kept on going. 27-Jul-2020
Bubble couple are misled into a hellish suburban child rearing nightmare after house shopping.The setting is rife with panic and exasperation which neither characters or the presentation take advantage of. The characters don't react like real people and the story wants no resolution. Phones don't exist, no one attempts to test the gadgets in the house, time passes and the majors look the same, young "Sheldon" is triumphantly maddening, Eisenberg spends too much time digging and Poots rimming. It's about nothing. 26-Jul-2020
Old Guard, The (2020)
PC vampires arrive in woke world. They no longer bite but still have the ability to suck.
Charlize Theron squelches her sexuality to deliver macho posturing and adds no strength to female action fabulosity. A woman who obscures her sexuality is depriving the act of confidence and beauty. She was so serious and miserable.
The gays were cute for the moments they accessorized but the corn deep throated them.
The superpowers are not enviable and is a filmic excuse to watch people bleed out.
The "big bads" couldn't scare a bird away.
The story is refried beans with lesser ingredients and the action came straight out the can. 14-Jul-2020
Quake, The (2018)
Papa is an obsessed conspiracy theorist and mama is comatose. The action shivers but there is only so much disaster this family/us can take. 10-Jul-2020
A haunted gun house. While lulling you to sleep it develops some nice scares but by then, who cares. 03-Jul-2020
Eurovision Song Contest (2020)
Brother/sister romance tackle art and temptation at a song contest.
Will Ferrell's character's age kept gnawing at me. How old is he supposed to be? How old is his sister? His father? Ferrell plays the eternal kid that refuses to wear big boy britches even for comfort. Ours.
Rachel McAdams deserved a singing partner.
Dan Stevens left it at the Abbey. He should go pick it up.
I knew it was Demi Lovato before I saw her. It was the screaming.
The music is way too silly to enjoy, coming in constant waves of annoyance. I don't care what the rules are, sing it live. Too much? 01-Jul-2020