All Posts Tagged as 'Tacky'
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Ten Little Indians (1965)
10 influencers are united in a snow piled chateau. The invite comes from a madman that wants to cancel them. The mystery's psychological reasoning is based on a demented individual's power grab to replace God and punish the unrighteous. But, they're so pretty and knowledgeable. Fabian smears his loveliness on the lens but is too uptight to relax and be cool. Daliah Lavi's exaggerated mane turned her into a cold stereotypical Hollywood starlet. Hugh O'Brian looked even better with his shirt off. Marianne Hoppe seemed hopped on something as the scared German maid. Was she supposed to be ridiculous? Gay old codgers know everything. It's a cheap attempt to intrigue us with outdated characters from a board game. 10-Jun-2021
Black and asian youngsters form an unlikely bond during a bukkake video performance. Black man can't climax until the soft whispers of an asian stranger help him out. Voila. Friends forever that will reach the heights of success by becoming the Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker of porn. Mope Tucker and Mope Chan are not impressive beings, they both have little dicks, are victims of whiteness (they don't know how to act black or asian) and they slurp while eating vagina. They can, however, take a swift kick to the balls, eat shit, drink piss and wipe it from the floor. A mope. Tucker wants to expand the brand and put them on display. "The first men on the cover of a porn box." Nathan Stewart expends every last nerve as a man clinging to the last piece of matter that keeps him grounded to an environment that isn't homeless. These parasites keep him sane and fucking. The boys with grand dreams become Steve Driver and Tom Dong. The friendship suffers from favoritism, jealousy and betrayal. Gangbanging the girlfriend tore a nerve, racist remarks cracked a spot, and the cameos hit their marks. It's cheapness adds to its' value. It smells like porn, your feet stick to the floor and the prettiest thing in the room is the popcorn machine. It's a true cis story that would translate well as a gay "great American novel." The guy incinerated from Bridgerton could play the smelly gay guy. 05-Jun-2021
Family Karma (2020-)
They are just like us. They shove success in our faces, the women are in a vendetta to exploit "the man" and secrete his juices and all the men have gay flair. A macho verdict gets upset because his gay bestie is spreading rumors that he's sucked over a 100 cocks. The gay apologized only for saying it. Wink, wink. They pray to give thanks for the riches this country affords them as their country dies. Is that the karma? 03-Jun-2021
Marvel's M.O.D.O.K. (2021-)
It's asking a brat to enter the Marvel Universe and wreck it. It works. 02-Jun-2021
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Patty Jenkins went on a shopping spree with the film's budget. Did she leave most of it home? It opens with baby Diana discovering clever ways to somersault at the White Female Olympics. She's unbearable, I mean unbeatable even as a child. Cue applause and adoration. There should have been a lot of irony in a woman raised to best everyone, even in goodness. Years of not belonging in the world would have brought her detachment from it. She wouldn't fall apart over Steve Trevor and she definitely wouldn't pine for him for over a 100 years. Compassion is a side effect of a movement. Coldness is a statistic of war. Everything you hate about the movies is in this one. The older maidens are given minimal time. (They didn't study their accents, again.) Cheetah might have been intriguing as a black character with white superiority issues. Yes, make it a race thing. Pedro Pascal left his guts on the floor while Ms. Jenkins took a nap. Steve's explanation for existing in the future was best established on the 70s TV series. Future Steve could have been the great grandson of dead Steve. Incestuous hook-ups and emotional consequences. It would have been a great place to establish personal turmoil. Gadot needed to wear some of the tear in Wonder Woman's battle history to find her strength because it ain't crying.
Patty Jenkins killed Wonder Woman. 14-May-2021
A Bucket Of Blood (1959)
It feels like an episode trashed by The Twilight Zone because of extreme creepiness. Mentally unwell busboy works at a grungy cafe that spits art on a loop. It's just high people babbling (poetic readings), white people jazzing and everybody judging. There was a rap essence, pre-ALF jazz, optional shaving, questionable sexuality, men wore beach sandals with suits and the hate was chill. Busboy daddy dreams of becoming one of these assholes. He doesn't know any better. Busboy accidentally stabs a cat in the wall and it lands near his bucket of clay. Voila! Instant art! He brings the hideous sculpture to the cafe and becomes a hit. Voila! Genius art! He is now an asshole. 10-May-2021
Summer House (2017-)
Reunion 2. The Hannah/Kyle dispute was tucked away. Kyle is the middle aged version of her fiancee and the man of her wet dreams. Carl's hands spoke and touched everyone. He did the giant thing and they swooned. Lindsay spoke like a man and got appreciation. Luke smashed Hannah's face in the jelly jar and brought down the fourth wall of reality TV. The host pretended minimally to scoop it up. "No. Really. It's not, we're not, I'm not, none of us are... fake. Really." 08-May-2021
Reunion. Hannah cried at every word rhyming with Luke and puked at every reference to Kyle. Kyle busted his rubber bands and walked out. Luke is still apologizing for being horny. Host did not offer Carl's giant hands their own seat or their own questions. 30-Apr-2021
I had a doll like Kyle once. He was blonde, four feet tall with rippling muscles, and a thong. He could pop rubber bands with his biceps. I had my seven foot black GI Joe fuck the shit out of him every day. My mother noticed the cum stains on Kyle and made him disappear. Something akin to how Hannah feels. She admired him in the toy store window when she was a tot but her mother wouldn't buy him for her. Shush, honey, that's only for boys. She can't get her hands on him. He's so disgustingly dominant for a little dick. I want him! No, I don't! Luke what? If I were Ciara I would have gotten Carl fucked up, up my dress and convulsing to his giant hands by now. Next morning. Car screeches away. Who was that? Carl. He had business to take care of. Really? Lindsay. Not being self-conscious of what she's doing makes her a really bad actress. Happy married with children! 23-Apr-2021
Stephen found out the hard way that there is no pleasing a woman. Dude, they're cocaine and we're weed. Wear them out. 05-Feb-2021
Temptation Island (2019-)
The series encourages eating from the forbidden fruit so when the lovers reunite they can be put on trial. The prettiest boy in the world is a conniving robot with missing essential parts. That girl DID NOT sleep with him! (Cue the video.) Dude, start experimenting with your pink hole. Gay and porn will provide you with a home and some play money. Erika & Kendal. Daddy Walberg did not let Kendal out of his seat until his dick was deep fried. Chelsea & Thomas. Thomas sat quietly as Daddy Walberg paraded all the better options his girlfriend has but later went backstage and pulled his hair out. It was growing in well too. Kristen & Julian. As flat as the pages of a fairytale that will never see publishing. We don't read Shakespeare but we talk like this? In cliches? Of course, the cheater didn't cheat while on Temptation Island. He no like that kind of candy. 29-Apr-2021
It's been a downcast season. I still want to sit on Mark Walberg, tweek his teets, burn into his baby blues while he provides psychological therapy and I rock up and down. Chelsea & Thomas. He promised his hair treatments would grow real hair in an allotted set of time and failed. She met someone whose plugs are finished, can lift things and doesn't shed. Erica & Kendal. She can punish him however she wants. He thought the purpose of the show was to go on a Fantasy Island type honeymoon and shoot some porn. Awesome, right? Honey, the court will look the other way. Anything you want. Erin & Corey. The most beautiful boy in the world and man's most popular choice. You want to lick his faults like ice cream but he's a pendejo. Yeah, we'll lick a pendejo, but he aint going to taste like ice cream for very long. The show paid a sex worker to tell him that what his willy can't accomplish his pretty face can. Rah, rah, rah...only if he joins our team as a super bottom. Viva Mexico! Kristen & Julian. Fake and shriveled up. Tempters get no empathy. Someone asked them if they wanted to go on TV and destroy some relationships and they said yes. Homeless deviants! 22-Apr-2021
The temptation is mighty man boobs. 21-Jan-2019
Cruel Summer (2021-)
Nerdy determination transforms into popular slut by befriending her rival, bestie's friends and boyfriend and dumping her dork tribe. Things go awry when rival goes missing. Politics are assigned as soon as the first secret spills and everyone chooses sides. They all feel guilty but only one is culpable. Our protagonist is cancelled and disciplined to wear frump goth until the jury deliberates. Its mindless, trashy entertainment served by teen pies desperate to stir some whipped cream and stale croutons (actors) that never made it to the oven but are closer to the kitchen. 27-Apr-2021
Die Hard With A Vengeance (1995)
I needed a break from imaginary intelligence so I decided to watch the daddies that kept me a boy longer than I needed to be. The Riddler has designated several bombs to go off at different times all over Gotham unless Beast Boy and Cyborg decode them. As soon as Daddy Willis walks naked into Harlem wearing an offensive sign and precipitates different reactions from the community, the movie stakes a claim on how we presently live. It isn't offensive because the film is a warning about foreigners using our hate to destroy us. The actors are saying things that we think but are not allowed to say. Our anger and resentment is released through them. Samuel L. Jackson is the best antagonist to have because he will do what's right for everybody and make you laugh. Applying CGI spandex onto Jeremy Irons Riddler would have made his equation complete. Chemistry is on blast, believability is shot but daddies look so cool getting bloody and blowing things up. 26-Apr-2021
Nasim Pedrad plays a fourteen year old boy with cosmetic enhancements, a balding auntie wig that isn't glued to her neck and the swag of a girl whose sure she's going to get an "A" in drama. Her statement is overshadowed by how she feels about boys. She adds confusion to the sexual revolution. Had Pedrad cast a boy of her own heritage to be an example of how she wants her future to look like, she might have created some sweet art. 21-Apr-2021
Married With Children (1987-1997)
I never realized how much female input there was in scouring the marriage of an alpha fucker and our mothers. 15-Apr-2021
90 Day Fiance (2014-)
"The Boy" read the Russian incantation that turns him into a doll during his wedding ceremony. Mike seems to be the only cast member to have understood the irony of The Americans. Natalie freaked out about the fat fuck not marrying her like they were giving out Emmys for it. "Best Outburst By A Communist" in the reality TV genre. 28-Mar-2021
It no longer seems viable that the main purpose of the show is to celebrate interracial marriage. It's a business contract. Men who have trouble corralling local women have to go abroad to find a strong woman willing to give them what a man needs and able to fight to keep it true. More babies; more man freedom. Unfortunately for man, women are evolving all over the world and man has no time to ponder. They nag as much as the American bitches.
A woman with power fishes overseas because she needs to feel like a woman again by the crude affections of a foreign alpha with a penchant for America, sex, shackling, expensive gifts and more money. I don't think getting your head chopped off for an orgasm is worth it but... They all deserve each other.
(P.S. Did Julia call "The Boy" a doll? Awesome. He's turning.) 01-Mar-2021
Natalie and Mike's ferocious mother. Natalie turned into WandaVision for one night and it was glorious. Does her country allow her to be this independent and vocal? She was on a mission to get what she deserves. Mama came onboard to judge. Both women were hardheaded. Mama Ferocious smeared Rachel with butter and slapped her son with a tail and an elephant moniker. They were Avengers united in the quest to do what's best for Mike. Unload him/inherit him. Brava! Rachel won the day and our hearts. Has she? Madame Meow and her son. Meow forgot to check the other ten phones he's hiding at his girlfriend's house. He's setting her up and she is letting him. Why? It's dangerous to conceive that her actions are ok because she likes it. Andrew and Amira. Nasty, dude. Maybe what The Boy needs on the farm is a man. 26-Jan-2021
Call Me Kat (2021-)
You know what? Kat is growing on me. She hasn't released her Big Bang rigidity but busting out some Blossom on shrooms sort of moves would make the character a classic. Miranda couldn't give a fuck and neither should Kat. Good luck! 27-Mar-2021
Mayim Bialik presumes she's as adorable as her childhood character, Blossom. She's not. The support represents everything that she has publicly denounced so it's uncomfortable watching them glorify her when she'd rather talk to the camera than interact with them. Leslie Jordan deserves better, Swoozie Kurtz might as well retire and Cheyenne Jackson has swallowed way too many dicks to be considered a straight romantic lead. 23-Jan-2021
Acapulco Shore (2014-)
The men are supreme alpha dogs. The girls keep tripping on penis and alcohol on their way to womanhood. Welcome to a fucker's paradise. The sexes loathe each other as much as the American version except the Mexican men are allowed to call the women messy, hairy and girlish whores as the women are free to be messy, hairy and girlish whores. 18-Mar-2021