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All Posts Tagged as 'Tacky'
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Bachelor In Paradise (2014 - ) 
What have I done? The producers made daddy Palmer look like one of the weird kids from The Polar Express. His eyes didn't move, they dialed down the light, the sparkle and he started looking through people, not at them. My apologies, sir. 12-Nov-2023
Oh no! I think the show is on realtime. The new girl said Brayden looked like Johnny Depp, nobody threw anything in the ocean and worst of all, they restricted daddy Palmer's cornea movements! No more eye fucking. They cut away just as soon as tears started to stream down his face. 04-Nov-2023
Mr. Palmer is a faithful husband. He only eyefucks men. It was fun to see Wells eat his burrito, though. Somebody looked like they were going to join a supremacist group after getting dumped. Brayden is a pirate that has all the women aflutter. Can all the girls fuck him and dump him so I can stop obsessing about him? Were asses covered up because they pooped themselves or because we might get excited? Yo, you can't be the fairer sex if you believe everything a man says. Kat's birthday cake looked nasty. Why are these people allowed to throw anything into the ocean? Doesn't she know that Flipper can get diabetes? 28-Oct-2023
Woohoo! The Palmer eye-fucked the newbie in an episode where not much happened. If you're demanding honesty from a man, don't do it like Kat. She hates the truth. 23-Oct-2023
Brayden's beauty suffers intense consequences because he can't deliver. Sean looks like a dream prince that Dreamworks dreamed up. There is no rational reason why Will should act sensitive when being dumped. Aaron needs to butt fuck his girl so she can stay regular and alive. She is a walking testament of why travel sucks. Wells is a cute package that the contestants keep unwrapping. He was icked by the baby incident and masterclassed he wasn't. He gleamed for Dreamworks but was bored with pretty head yet bounced back for latino flair. The theme is past promises made to people they weren't attracted to and the people who can't accept it. Jesse Palmer hasn't eye-fucked anyone and that's worrisome. They're so good. Men only! The thighs are wide, the legs are nice, the men have bite, are succulent and falling apart for trying to make someone else happy. Is this how toxic masculinity is created? 18-Oct-2023
Dude, the thigh lord has Sith powers. I haven't stopped eating the insides of my mouth since I last saw him. 19-Oct-2023
Reunion. It was lonely and hollow. Izzy's thigh was not in full display but the women's legs and boobies were. Uche stalks Milton, now. Lydia is laughing and planning something hysterical. Aaliyah came to put Lydia on the spot for lying and showing off. Milton's family wardens like Lydia, now. They figured getting her to be them so she can change him is easier than showing emotions. Credit Report Princess makes no sense. She's blaming a thigh lord for wanting the same things she wants. His lost and found are memories of trying on girly things so he can relate. JP needs to visit Amish country. Taylor looked fabulous but her make-up was doubled. One layer would have made her shine. She chose to sparkle. The only reason to watch was Izzy. The fake smile and congratulations had a slow-mo effect at the reunion. As soon as he did anything inside his mouth the camera turned away. He rocked some cool sock, though. 16-Oct-2023
The latin mothers were in sync masterclassing a mother that doesn't exist. Izzy ate the insides of his mouth one more time and I wanted to be Ant-Man swirling in it. Didn't it seem like the credit report princess' parents were trying to unload her? Is Lydia still stalking Uche? 14-Oct-2023
S5E8-E9. Uche was invited to the party to make Lydia squirm. Lydia turned red and became a giant animated monster. She emoted so distinctly it almost felt real. I liked it better when it was blamed on hysteria rather than on emotion. Emotions are supposed to be good. Why did Milton's parents look so guilty? Did they look her up? Did Uche call the family to tell them how wonderful she is and fucked up? Is he texting Milton every half hour? Milton kept excusing his parents' lack of hospitality on organics. They weren't like Lydia's. They spit hate in your face and can't teach their offspring how to open wine bottles. Lydia's restraint and self food service was worth bowing to. Mother and daughter-in-law swept her from her pasta and dragged her to the interrogation room where they showed off their warden skills. Lydia studied rocks most of her life but couldn't comprehend the word minute. Minute, when something is way smaller than the rest, like sand is to rock. The thigh jedi and his assignment enacted what bi-polar looks like. Izzy was drunk, frisky and adorable. She started a kitchen argument because he wanted to make love and she needed more attention. Guess who won? He lost control. His legs shook constantly, even when on a great date. Oh. That's how he keeps his thighs in shape. She made him cry like a puppy. We witnessed the aftermath of his secret. He started eating the insides of his mouth, again. I'm sure he ate more than the cameras cared to show. He can't afford to buy her a handbag! He needs to update his profile, "looking for suga mamas and papas that like perfect thigh." 06-Oct-2023
S5. There is a thigh jedi in the house. He's too good to be true. He keeps forcing smiles, though. Is someone buzzing him? His to be is a spoiled princess that wants old fashioned notions and female empowerment in a man. There is something he's not telling that is screaming to come out. The father-in-law expressed a gangster welcome with a threat. Whenever the princess emotes he eats the inside of his mouth. When they were in the kitchen arguing about how poor he's going to become, I thought he was going to eat right through and damage his beautiful face with a hole. In bed one night, he almost eyerolled his assignment/princess but caught himself in time. When a man says he wants a woman to wear no makeup. He wants her to be a little girl. That's the reason women wear makeup, to distinguish themselves from their daughters, so daddy doesn't take a special interest in them. It's like fucking another woman. Uche is making it known that Lydia is a stalker with a big mouth, doesn't allow much breathing room and has a suspicious mama. I think Uche proved himself stupid by stalking three people throughout the show. 17-Apr-2023
Dickless entry in the Evil Dead series. I fell asleep midway through but saw enough of it not to regret it. 16-Jul-2023
Married At First Sight UK (2015-) 
Reunion. I was put off that Hades and his minions had ceased to judge then I realized that not all foreign reality shows are made in the cryptic depths of Australia. The black judge is either gay or giddy. Jordan thinks that his supremacism won't show if he romances the same black subject five years later. George escaped from the Arkham Asylum. No George, you cannot control this chick because you can't sexually satisfy her. Kwame has James Bond issues. The lesbians are happy with any kind of pussy, even if it doesn't eat dog food. Hey judges, gay men can marry sisters but they fuck men. The pronoun starts with cis. If the lesbians can get one with a bow tie we can get one lousy butch. They exist. They made us. The supremacist stopped the show by being supreme. He dumped a weighty issue by adopting a more politically correct one. Thou mustn't abuse the power called race. We're running away together, bitch! If you complain you'll sound like a racist because she's black! Instant GET OUT OF JAIL card. 16-Jun-2023
Shazam! Fury Of The Gods (2023) 
A Saturday morning kiddie show that plays after the popular ones have aired and kids watch whilst having lunch. It can't shake off the silliness so it embraced it. Bad mistake. It only works if it's funny. Some of the writers asked their children what they would like to see and the parents yucked it up. Elegant ladies of maturity shouldn't have to wear clunky armor especially if they're witches. The villains are not much of a threat. They just need more "home" visits from the family. Why did they pile on so much ick hair and clothing on Hinsou's god? Zachary Levi. His solution when discomfited is to make a face or a nine year's old gesture. His younger alter ego is a teenager on his way to becoming a man. They work as separate units but not as a whole. They copy nothing from each other. Billy's best friend's storyline had the emotional heft that Shazam's didn't. It doesn't even take us on a fantastical journey. It was a scenic bus ride to Walmart. 07-Jun-2023
Carl's fit had him climbing uphill so we could admire his bulbous crotch. All the boys served morning bulge with Kyle supplying a little bit extra. Ciara was being a can't by flirting vociferously with that roommate's helium boyfriend. The helium boyfriend came to bed with his crotch in an elephant's trunk so Ciara could feel reciprocated. There is absolutely no reason for Paige to do any work when there are two strong black women in the room. Paige threw up when she found out that Craig was crying because he missed his mother's birthday. She cannot relate to non-toxicity. Carl didn't face his ex and put a kabash to the drama because then he might have had to smack Lindsay for putting him in that situation. Lindsay's idea of a good marriage is wrastling her alligator to the ground and keeping other vagina (meat) away from him. Chris' latest grooming trick is the Titanic wraparound. Slut. 15-May-2023
The episode reiterated that Carl is gifted with his hands. Carl's mother didn't show up because she is over fake things. That other roommate confirmed it. Danielle thinks that Spielberg is still holding auditions for West Side Story's Anita. She was part of a throuple but only wanted singularity... with Carl. The giant decided to put his hands on a more successful product and edged her out. She's devastated because she will never feel giant's knuckles again. He's putting his ring somewhere else. Is it customary to make the latin women serve white people at a proposal party? It might be if they're nuts. Trust me, it's good to keep them busy when they're coo coo. Lindsay pointed out that Ciara's red lipstick made her look like a frog. You mean like the Princess and the...? 09-May-2023
Carl asks Lindsay to be his co-dependent. Samantha joined the series to fuck. Danielle acts like she made a pinky pact with Carl. He won't marry until she's perused every man on earth. He was her back-up. Chris Leoni joined the show to see how many straight men he could turn. He's getting very close. Amanda, be well. 03-May-2023
Happy Birthday, Kyle. The giant sprayed his fumes on Lindsay and it almost knocked her out of bed. Lindsay choked on a cheeto, explaining why Carl thinks he has a big dick. Ciara found another reason to hate other women. Men. Danielle is in everyone's business because her boyfriend is busy with his own. The only way Danielle is ever going to spend more time with the chef is to work for him. She'll get first dibs at his carrot and mayonnaise dip before the staff gobbles it up. 04-Apr-2023
Dude, either the giant's hands are really getting smaller or his prosthetics fell off. 15-Mar-2023
Is dating Lindsay making the giant's hands smaller? 12-Mar-2023
Kyle had a right to voice his opinion about Carl and suffer for it, if need be. Kyle did not admit anything that Big Hands hadn't. People must suffer the consequences of their actions. The argument is solely among the men. Business has no friends. Danielle confused loyalty for reality. She spent most of the episode pissed off and snitching because she couldn't enforce how she feels to a man whose opinion matters because it is what it is. Amanda is looking 60s fresh and I'm admiring it. Chris made it Ricky Martin obvious that his bro date with Kyle meant more to him than ever seeing a chick again. The ladies have a "no ass fuck" rule. They should take the long out of term. 01-Mar-2023
I think Kyle's love handle winked at me. Mullet is a no no. Go Tarzan so I can pull it. Big hands is portraying why Ben Affleck looks miserable in public. 14-Feb-2023
Reunion. Kwame was looking real fine tethered to his million dollar mink. Was the derogatory remark Marshall used on Jackie, "trans?" How lgbtq of him. Prop Bro You changed his looks but kept Joe's drawl. The gorgeous mad mane was replaced by chemicals that flattened their splendor. He squished a bigger body and he gained an intellectual's beard. He's either hiding his identity, ready to disappear or he's playing Joe's stuntman for the final season of You. Original Joe decided to channel Cuban Pete. All he needed was a sombrero and a set of bongos between his legs. I never realized how much insignificance he applies to the person that couldn't be ladylike. I wanted to be an earplug stuck on a couch listening to the Yous whispering:
OrgU: I'm losing it brother
ProBroU: Cool it! Remember we have cages out there! Remember? (he talks low, droney and faster than it sounds)
OrgU: She's giving me anxiety. I Can't breathe. (can't breathe)
Slap!!!
Zack played a tune whose every other word was you. That's hilarious!
The king makes a cameo to show the world that he can create. 17-Apr-2023
OrgU: I'm losing it brother
ProBroU: Cool it! Remember we have cages out there! Remember? (he talks low, droney and faster than it sounds)
OrgU: She's giving me anxiety. I Can't breathe. (can't breathe)
Slap!!!
Zack played a tune whose every other word was you. That's hilarious!
The king makes a cameo to show the world that he can create. 17-Apr-2023
Poor Kwame. Not for long. Hookers still exist and there is hope. Original You was a pretty creep. Super tight curls? Eh! Seems like they're hiding something. His pattern of speaking changed after the booth. He couldn't retain a lower, crisper register. I remembered because it shows up for the wedding but not for anything else. His voice is much squeakier. Did they really play serial killer music during Prop Bro's wedding decision? Friday the 13th type? Was that a heartbeat effect? Did she really call him You? Original You lives outside his head while Prop Bro You carries it like a burden. Original was modeled angelic and the other boob would be attractive if they soaped up more. Don't touch the hair, though, unless he's got unnatural stuff coming out of it. Prop has to act quickly and Original lets it build. Original is in the third stage of his assignment and Prop is one step ahead of him. Original has planted his seed but not gained ownership. 14-Apr-2023
S4E11. Prop Bro You hates strippers, especially unattractive ones. He usually eats them for lunch. When he was in the pool with Bliss he looked like he was imagining what parts of her he would fry first. If he were a serial killer that is. Chelsea kept acting the part even as a hairdresser burnt her hair. She's psychic too, like that pretty terrifying celebrity twink. She immediately pegged Kwame's sister because she was the only black woman to enter the bridal suite. 08-Apr-2023
S4E10. Somebody is a virgin because they haven't found a satisfying top. Prop Bros #3 tried to convince his fiancee's father to approve of him but he kept smiling like Joker and talking like You. Kwame found a way to excuse his fiancee's future disappointment. His mother. Jackelina is free to get fucked hard whilst Marshalll keeps looking the word up. 08-Apr-2023
S4E9. That lady Chelsea thinks that relationships are about being serviced. Kwame needs to fastball her. Marshall is petrified of vagina. Pretty eyes can't fuck. Jackelina, run! Zach is still property managing his You charisma. TG Bliss is desperate. If a man doesn't want to engage a partner in sex it's because he has an STD or doesn't have a knack for it. Dump. 07-Apr-2023
Original You's future father-in-law pegged him as a really nice guy or a serial killer. You slaughtered all of Micah's friends' vaginas in one swipe. That lady put a damper in the sportsman's itinerary of happiness by clamping down on a future litter. A contestant that was not mentally profiled accused her fiancee of not being man enough. She doesn't want attention, affection or walkouts. She wants to get banged hard. Cue sensitive fucking and mild spit. 01-Apr-2023
The women came to vamp and conquer men that will never satisfy them but hopefully, will keep them barefoot and pregnant with a ring on it. The feminist plan is to train men to lie about everything so the women can feel loved and acknowledged. A man will say anything to a woman for a steady prospective orgasm. It means less outside hookups, more money and lots of family time. The women turned the dating show into The Hunger Games because they hate other women. Hearing women fangirling to idiot things men make up, is disconcerting. The banter appeared read off a corny romance novel or movie, they memorized. When you swoon at bad singing you will regret it. Their were 2 Joes from You. One of them looked like an impassioned third Property Brother. The women that connived for them are not amused. Dude, Prop Bro is the hottest man there. It's okay. The contestants have realized that the purpose of the show is to get married and bear fucking children from all that they desire so they too can make regrettable choices in life. 15-Feb-2023
Bette's 50s era was full of Lady Davis folklore and drag queen reboots. Lady Davis was forced to compete with herself. A worn out hunk has beef with her husband because he foiled a heist and he's being blamed. Bette is at the height of shifty. She parlays her caricature tics to mixed effects. She is over until somebody fucks with her animal. The feelings reeled a barracuda out of her. The camera decided that Bette's gift was mechanical and that the new way was better. They highlighted her flaws and disheveled her tidiness. The disclosures felt possibly true, Bette's messy art was always entertaining but it's a crappy movie. 10-Apr-2023
Stay just as you are. 12-Mar-2023
The passing of the great Jordan made me realize how the show has become a family staple. The alcoholic neighborhood bar where all inhibitions are lost, pretension is the love potion to making friends, sex is candied and sticky, cordial and silly are memories and its best intention is not to hate cats. Bialik channeled Blossom and it worked. I never thought I'd see her again. Good. Papi Jack nailed himself to the wall so I could behold his back spread. It might not be the biggest anymore but it sure looks tasty. Julian Gant. I'm going to start at the top of his head and work my way down. 09-Dec-2022
Papi Jackson accepted my offer and renamed his brand Waffle Man and I went to the supermarket and bought all of Aunt Jemima's syrup. Kat hates cats! How abominably delicious. Yeah! 11-May-2022
They need to stop exploiting cats and explore the biggest vagina on the gay planet. Dorks are out, whores are in. Cat ladies are delusional. 02-Apr-2022
You know what? Kat is growing on me. She hasn't released her Big Bang rigidity but busting out some Blossom on shrooms sort of moves would make the character a classic. Miranda couldn't give a fuck and neither should Kat. Good luck! 27-Mar-2021
Mayim Bialik presumes she's as adorable as her childhood character, Blossom. She's not. The support represents everything that she has publicly denounced so it's uncomfortable watching them glorify her when she'd rather talk to the camera than interact with them. Leslie Jordan deserves better, Swoozie Kurtz might as well retire and Cheyenne Jackson has swallowed way too many dicks to be considered a straight romantic lead. 23-Jan-2021
Something tells me that most of the men and half the women, would have found a perfect match had they cloned Francesca. Abbey decided to strip the thighmaster of his crown and knight him a dick. 02-Mar-2023
A questionable sex partner sort of dumped Francesca. Yippee! He did it so he could stay and torture the fuck out of the man inside her. In the last aired episode he shaved his body to look more like a bitch. A gorgeous virgin who promises sex only in marriage is mandating that a partner suffer poor sex for the rest of their lives. He's not a lover, he's your brother. 24-Feb-2023
They should give camera people a special award for rewarding viewers with juicy thigh shots. The party started as soon as the Thigh King twitched in his shorts. They were everywhere. I haven't caught up yet but I hope somebody dumps Francesca. All she's doing is trying on different dicks. Like they were dresses at a bargain basement store. That poor sad flat black boy. 22-Feb-2023
Old lady cruisers take advantage of slave ship service by being demanding and hungry. Fraser is coasting on Captain's hard dick and because vaginas are the devil. Tony refuses to suck more of anything until he gets properly paid. Gay men with wealth are ridiculous. Ross' dick shuts down if she's bossy. I heard daddy's back. 01-Mar-2023
Never ask Alissa to do pronouns, she can barely pronounce Captain. 20-Feb-2023
The stews un-anchored the Captain by drowning in a gang mentality and not being useful. Chief Stew Fraser is looking to follow in a supervisory position. Doesn't work. I would never unnerve a captain on their own ship. They might sail off a cliff or something. Tony only comes alive when he is doing yoga or stripping for money. Deck Ross has sex six times a day. Business vacations must be rough on the wife. Katie would do it. Alissa was unaware that the walls carried her loud and condescending voice. THE CAPTAIN HEARD YOU through 2 walls and a door! 08-Feb-2023
I want Captain Daddy to return, saddle up with Captain Sandy and fire those two fanny fluttered wenches. One serves too much, the other too little. I'd also have Captain Dicksome sail across and give the captains a thumbs up, banners on the sails and lots of loud honking as the wingless birds exit. 10-Jan-2023
Fuck pinpoint accuracy, Captain Sandy needs a drink. That's why she's overeating and is probably gonna break a bottle atop that backstabbing ass bitch's head. SHE HEARD YOU ON THE RADIO! 06-Jan-2023
Captain Daddy is helming a boat full of digressing fools. Chief Stew Fraser is waiting for a gangbang to push him into aggression. Chef Loops decided that finagling questionable chemicals into meals for guests is a better option than being addicted. White girls will never get along with black superiors unless they're spraying spritzes of sugar, ie: soda. Chris Lamb is onboard to make us forget him, Ross McHarg was hired to not say "gay," and Tony will suck anybody's dick because in his native country, he would starve, if he didn't. 06-Dec-2022
The best thing about the experiment is the music video at post end. Not for the music but the courage the singer had by being the only thing in the water worth watching. Youths have nothing identifiable to say. They're screaming because their friends keep getting mysteriously killed but have time to gleefully reminisce about partying while continuously drinking. There is no finality or viable explanation. The man holding the camera just drops it at the end. 19-Feb-2023
The thigh king made a slight return and nobody thought to make the reunion a pool party. The eye king also made a return to apologize to his foreign partner for being wildly attractive. Trust no man who proposes a second time like you didn't hear him the first. A girl with no mothering capabilities surmised that her children will be small because her husband's dick is. Brennon's game is not wholesome. 15-Feb-2023
No one recognized that Bartiste is the thigh king. I know daddy looked like Pebbles Flintstone but to me he was a Bam Bam Rubble. I wanted to pull it and give him a back bath. Cole showed off his thighs too. As if. The females called Cole a good guy then tore him apart in the description." "You fat shaming hoochie fucking dirty ass broke lying motherfucker evil spawn of satan with dreamy eyes." The women were so supportive of each other that they made Cole cry. Putting Vicks on the tips of his fingertips and rubbing his eyes worked. Colleen was petrified to look Cole's way. She did it in the intro and ticked uncontrollably away. She saw those eyes. Yikes. I think she might have wet herself again. If she did that means that she suffered the whole hour without a diaper change due to the lack of commercials. Guess who's available to fuck somebody's wife? Dude, she lives alone! 09-Nov-2022
The show wastes the contestants and their guests' time by planning a fake wedding in the hopes of both parties saying yes? How humiliating. Nick's idea, wasn't it. 08-Nov-2022
S3E8. Would the thigh king agree to abort a future serial killer? No one should have the audacity to bear humans that can't exist without immense help. A lot of these kids can't communicate how they feel. We interpret how they feel. How do we know they're not saying, "I hate you, I hate you". Where's daddy? Is he working his thighs again while I suffer in pain? Yo, barbecue pork is giving the king a run for his money. What a beautiful fuck roast. Bartiste can shed some hair on Andrew's cloud puffs. Brennan looks like that but can't make any money? Ooh. Colleen was not at the club 'til 2:30 in the morning, she was washing her panties. They take forever to dry. They got wet from all the attention Cole was giving her. Both Matt and Cole were more argumentative with their fiancees than they were with each other. Their confrontation was bullshit. Matt really said, "please, I'm begging you, don't fuck my wife" and Cole said, "I won't" but thinking, "I'm gonna fuck your wife". Raven is going to regret taking an Ambien. She's gonna be woozy afterwards. Raven should have paired herself with the other thigh master if she wanted to live comfortably. We know he's a super daddy because he continuously spit it in everyone's face. Fuck other people on the side and go shopping. 06-Nov-2022
S3E7. You must become blind if you want to find love. Bartiste has cheating pork thighs, Cole has fuck all the girls silly eyes, Matt has kick your ass for being a slut ticks, Brennan's eyes turn black when nobody is looking and SK is an Ambien pill (30 minutes in your system before it knocks you out). It's about immature women that read fairy tales as children and believe them. For men, it's a "How To Pick Up Vulnerable Chicks" guide. Lie, lie, lie. 06-Nov-2022
Jeepers Creepers Reborn (2022)
An abortion would have served it right. Black men are not fanatical about visiting voodoo stores and doing horror cosplay. It brings bad mojo. He would have shat his pants. Is anyone aware that the Creeper is a sexual deviant that kills teenage girls and devours soft boys? He wouldn't give two shits about a girl, especially an old one. A pervert with a penchant for boys made him, the Creeper should be treated as such. 03-Feb-2023
S2E3. Luke is banished for having sexual thoughts about a girl that mentally promised him a blowjob. Women are warriors and baby factories, not sexual beings. That's what the LGBTQ community is for. Paige allows her lover to go bonkers because he would dump her for being a disobedient slut. Dumping the asshole would be female empowerment. Oooh, Kyle has love handles. He's squishy. Yum. I bet both sides taste like butterscotch. Kory is looking for a relationship that will adorn him in pearls. I know of a few straight men that can pretend to be his uncle. 13-Jan-2023
