All Posts Tagged as 'Hot Swatch'
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Below Deck: Mediterranean (2016-)
The female staff dressed as transexuals for rich man money. Chef Robin (w/out Batman) had a hissy over warm temp fish. Rich people eat food below a 5 temperature. Wow. So is a 12 poor people food? Captain supported the Chef hissies up to a point. As soon as he thought wearing panties constituted a vagina, Cap put her in her place. He was still backdoor bitchy but an ass-fingering calmed him down. Pretty Jesus pretended his dick was a cucumber. Pretty Jesus and rocket were getting it on when Deck Ratched established that rich assholes don't pay to watch the holy fuck. Really? 22-Sep-2020
Male money devised a rich plan to swipe female crew. Teach them self-defense and let them win. Hysterical.
Aesha missed "normal" people.
Chef Nasty Fucker lost it over some fresh dick sponges that didn't arrive in time. 14-Sep-2020
The snow sifter moved the boat all by herself and saved two lives. Lots of energy. She saved a charter that confused her high legs with her sea legs and a comrade that floats. A charter concocted a clever way to call her friend a fat fuck. She only apologized after hot daddy snapped her neck back into place. Chef served no legs but bounteous food. I wished it had been the other way around. A sense of draining exhaustion hit pretty Jesus when his ex reached out. I saw his dik shrink during his Shakespearean outbursts and disappear when his rocket sat next to him. It's ok rocket, his next girlfriend is going to fuck the pretty right out him. 31-Aug-2020
Post Hannah all is a celebration of what I term "cute." Romance rides the waves to titanic (disaster,) dancers make it back onboard (fear), fuckers got trained to listen (men,) guests returned to sliming (sex,) all because Hanna no longer breathes the same air. I miss being depressed with Hannah...and Kiko. 25-Aug-2020
Captain got "Ellen" on Hannah.
Hannah was lawfully hoisted.
Malia kept lawfully exonerating herself, for the cameras. (Boat snatching is a job requisite.)
A charter who wanted to make Bugs a bunny brought a 32" dildo onboard for the crew to connect with and for Bugs to twirl. They missed a golden opportunity by not introducing it to the captain. The dildo wasn't as offensive as the person who needed it and used it.
Complicit Chef leggy suffers from prissy imperfection anxiety. Shells on a shell plate is a no no. White people don't chew. It's suck, swallow. No wonder Malia needs control of the boat. 17-Aug-2020
New sweet gams squish.
Malia commandeered the entire boat but mostly Hannah, so she can have squishy time with her boyfriend. A deed that would end up in court if a man lead the charge.
Why is Adam allowed worst sexual innuendo etiquette than dickhand? Where's dickhand? 11-Aug-2020
Nurse Ratched (2020-)
It's not really Nurse Ratched it's more like a dichotomy of the Atelier lesbian Playstation games. Rorona, Sophie and Atelier Esha are some of my favorites. It was always the same character with a surgically unblemished witch. That's what I need to tell myself to accept the sumptuous surroundings and the opulent cast. It's been prettified, sensationalized and horrified. I was impressed by the first episode and confused by the second. Is Nurse Ratched supposed to smirk at the camera? Nurse Ratched is a horror not a horror film. Is women empowerment a threat? Do we report it? Sarah Paulson serves it elegantly, poisonous and charmed. Judy Davis flambeid, Finn Wittrock dislocated himself, the eye of Murphy distracts but it also expands and disintegration occurs. The Hitchcock tunes are seductive. Change her name and we might be cool. Nurse Karen? 21-Sep-2020
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
There is a threshold of high mentality professionals cannot consume or understand so they isolate, daze and shun the unwell from reality thinking it will make them better but they're just keeping them away from us. The insane asylum is the "soccer mom" equation incorporated as rehabilitive juice. If you keep the child's mind busy life wont hurt it. Nurse Ratched is neither monster or killer. She represents the woman in charge who will do what it takes to chase the crazy out of these fuckers and get herself a promotion. She does her job better than any man or human. Her hate for men keeps her in check as long as she can control them. Louise Fletcher is etched in subtlety. She's discernible, rational and a doctor's prescription. Her murderous thoughts are a delirious read. She spends a short time in the film but her character wafts through every room, corridor and human being begging for a moment's joy. Jack daddy legend is in it to disrupt it and kill her perfect employment record. He is a man with ownership rights and a threat to her profession. He has no mental issues that would require him to be there except that he hates work and wants to coast in a nut house. He is chaos and destruction but not insane. He hates life but he can survive it. He will inhale only the convivial parts of it. Booze, parties, women and trouble. He pretends, he awakens, parades his heart with glee and makes a team of his followers. Jack is there to free them of their haze and enlighten them with the cool parts of reality. But sadness breaks out and explosions erupt endangering their mental situation. Jack smiles, hates the world, speaks our language, slays our speech, breaks our hearts and is one of the funniest sarcastic mother fuckers of all time. Excellent across the board. 21-Sep-2020
Married At First Sight Australia (2015-)
If I weren't still hungry from dinner, I would have puked my brains out. For some reason we need to digest the current season like an antacid. The best liars snatch it, the most compulsive insult it, the most demure destroy it and anyone with a useless dick gets slaughtered. That's all I could devise through the loud Disney orchestra. 18-Sep-2020
Auditions were revealed. Michael has "a type" he likes to torture. Lucky for brunettes (except Hayley) and diversity. Rainbow Connection (Drew) doesn't want to unite with material affection (KC.) Drusilla is less gruesome as a blonde but not as a person. She splintered Thor's hammer. Connie has to be a beneficiary of the Bates Motel. She came on so she can utilize the provided acne treatments that are working marvelously but not endearing her to the hostage. Give Korak a break. He didn't vine through the wilderness to marry Leah Michele. Hades (the expert) left the God clouds to deliver Pandora's box filled with lame curiosities and firecrackers lobbed at Steve. Steve expected Tik Tok and got Yahoo. That's expert quackery. Steve and Korak don't want to offend their women. They want to bestow them a sense of self so when they get dumped they can courageously move on. Not also means no. 10-Sep-2020
Steve finally caved to all the sexual harassment and obliged Mishel with some affection. Daddy bedded her with his little friend Teddy and it was cute. Mishel complained to the girls that he didn't grab anything worth a molestation charge. Male etiquette is to feel up whatever lays next to them. Mishel will regain her powers when she realizes it was her decision to make not his. The surprises were meant to have Michael shit his pants but it looks like he drank them away. New memories forgotten. A marriage nemesis returned. Thank you.
I almost forgot. Korak's mother made him a shirt out of jungle baby diapers. 28-Aug-2020
The experts torched Steve for not grabbing free pussy. It's part of the experiment. Connie broke the couples' hearts by displaying the vulnerabilities that get your partner bullied. Even Michael empathized. When she threw down the Korak imprisonment card, it felt a little psycho. Haha heehee hoho. 27-Aug-2020
Drusilla's family attempted to shove Thor's hammer up his butt but all he did was turn Red Hulk. The couples attempted to stake Drusilla at the fact check dinner for sinking her teeth into everyone's marriage. Korak was chastised yet again for flipping on vines that don't land on Connie. He admitted no attraction to her as his peers snipped at what was left of his dick. Steve was bullied for considering Mishel a friend. If women continue to pressure men about sex, rapey assholes will presume they asked for it. 21-Aug-2020
Oh no. It looks like Steve texted the mafia sexline. Wifey homesteads were a dick shrinking female gangbang, raping hubbies for not reaching a solid woody for their family member. Mike realized Stacey is a Bravo housewife lost on a different channel. Drew took a bullet and admitted how men really feel about botox. All KC wanted was for him to pretend that she was as special as she pretends him to be. The unhealthy connived Thor into getting a unity tattoo. He put it somewhere his future girlfriend wont look. Korak (Tarzan's boy) was held and questioned severely by the Karen squad. Mishel's amazons served the best spread and conducted the most adult conversation. Mama whipped it up and defined it. 20-Aug-2020
Aleks and Ivan scooted before more truth warranted it. Vroom. Vroom.
Thor did a Terminator imitation and brought his hammer to school to show the teaching experts and opinionated students the beautiful but unhealthy bride it slammed.
Jonethen was chastised by the group for complimenting Connie and admitting his willy doesn't want to greet her. The only truth a woman wants to hear is the best lie a man can concoct to make fairytales come true.
KC and Drew. Drew's teddy rainbow collection received support.
Mishel and Steve are the cutest right now. Maybe he can, maybe he will. If they do, please enjoy it. 14-Aug-2020
Devil All The Time, The (2020)
The film capitalizes on the idea that a belief in God compels naivete, lechery, sexual compulsion, loss and unforgiving violence. I'm good with that but where is the soul worth saving? Films are now made out of sap or coal. Everybody loves a bitch but they're quick to die in a bubble bath of flames. That's sad. Tom Holland never does wrong and his accent is acceptable, Bill Skarsgard was not allowed to stretch his beautiful bug-eyed wings, Sebastian is now a senior fuckable memory, Harry Melling scared the It out of me and Robert Pattinson head blocked me. His accent and sound was so confusing that I pondered looking up his real voice on Youtube. Different is not necessarily great. Bad Batman villain auditions are in Building 69, building 2 is for serious actors. The women are a form for destruction. God uses them as tools to test the depths of man. It is a well-done play with absolutely no value to offer its audience. 18-Sep-2020
Babysitter, The: Killer Queen (2020)
Everything remembered is welcome, the leap from kid to tween is maternally sweet but the whole is missing something. A foot in reality, a step forward and a babysitter. That's what I missed. 17-Sep-2020
Babysitter, The (2017)
I watched it at its time but I was so smashed that the next day I couldn't remember enough to review it. Puberty boy realizes his carnal urge for queen sex is life-preserving and destructive. Samara Weaving serves Harley Quinn gusto, Robbie Amell is humdinger stripper/killer/rapist, Bella Thorne tears it like a beauty pageant winner, Hana Mae Lee slices and dices and the babies are sweet. The irrational violence is its humor and its perverted violence is its soul. The kills may be cannon but revenge is sweet. 16-Sep-2020
Pandemic anxiety coupled with protester violence makes for a scary zombie flick. There is no delineation because the action speaks for itself. The use of modern tech to create a different outcome is brilliant, the zombies are bone crushers and the direction is tireless. The ending from nowhere different prevents greatness because the last missed a master stroke. 14-Sep-2020
Star 80 (1983)
The tragedy of beauty versus beast. The purpose of beauty is to inspire us. If it touches you, you are beautiful in return. It's that perfect thing that exists like a God smack to the earth. The men want to devour it, the women prefer to absorb it and forget it but the younglings want to marry it at first sight. The sculptor who attempts to shape it, before full bloom, will burn his hands on the coffin he molds around it to keep it safe. A woman will always wake up. Beauty belongs to the world not encapsulated by a man who thinks he's just as beautiful because he licensed it. Fosse snips from Citizen Kane and gives it the hutzpah the classic lacked. Fosse's mastery is beauty, movement, thrill and dash. Eric Roberts gets inside our heads and makes us understand that hot greasy ass motherfucking psycho crooked legged cowboys with great hair have feelings. Fosse resoundingly echos him. Mariel Hemingway is neither thunder or lightning. She is a cloud of beauty that doesn't need announcement. Mariel's innocence allows the tragedy to happen and unfold. It has an ending Tarantino wouldn't touch and the original footage is brutal, salacious and true. Absolutely psycho. 12-Sep-2020
Elephant Stampede (1951)
Prince of the jungle comic book serial. Twink with squishy muscles and soft skin provides protection to the environment and its people by instinctual training. There are poachers of elephant ivory, villagers enslaved by the economy of the forest and women pursuing worthy contributions for the betterment of the environment. The effects roll deflated, animals are fun and the stunts entertain like sexy pillow fights. 10-Sep-2020
Strange But True (2019)
Boy meets girl, prom virginity loss ensues, dream boy dies and, five years later, the girl is pregnant with his child. The drama is about the reveal and it rolls heavily towards it. There are flaws aplenty. I didn't understand why mama needed to go to the library to get information that seemed readily available on the internet and why they were hesitant to call 911 after evidence deemed it an emergency but the cliches are overwhelmed by mood, taste and bite. Blythe Danner is best actress support, Brian Cox succeeds in being someone else, Margaret Qualley emitted Emma Roberts realness plus hippie control, Allegra Fulton added some magic, Nick Robinson is a twink of the force and Kinnear smashed golden ass. The cast was great and the ending is all. 08-Sep-2020
Lovecraft Country (2020-)
I wish the production would ignore whites the way they did us because white men as devil diatribe is tired. The horror inhabits everything in history that we celebrated with no punch. I want to celebrate who we are, should be, can be, not something we never were. Wasting a beautiful cast on nonsense. 31-Aug-2020
The Jefferson clap was joyous, ex-President to Jorel was cheek and daddy brick stripped with comic book accuracy. The cast is in it but the words don't feel them. Too much confusion to be fixated on anything. I'm confused because my old head can't grasp it or because the words are slippery. Exactly. Its biggest problem is fixating on not humiliating itself in the portrayal of people that were. The people whose courage we still remember. 23-Aug-2020
Amiably cast, historically vibrant but returning the black man to when he had no power does us no good. (Wos included.) A scare happens when you don't expect it. White cops versus saints versus action heroes. There's only one answer. The three protagonists are full of huff and puff when it's historically known that most people didn't stand up at that time. That's why we're here. It's insulting to the few that famously dared. The big bang threat was unexpectedly absurd and depressing. (Daddy brick needs to get naked.) 17-Aug-2020
90 Day Fiance: Couples Tell All (2019)
The word soulmate has been destroyed for me. Why does anyone think that another soul can be connected to you for eternity but not death. Tania is the female empowerment culled from watching too much Nick sitcoms and Jane The Virgin. Syngin needs to squish right out of there before he turns to squash. Anny. He's looting your ass. Mamita tell the grandmother you want a job in porn. Too bad for the cute kid. Juliana & Michael. I hope to see the Lifetime version of how it went down ten years later. Lesbian Ex Killers... Fuck 'em attitude all the way. Emily & Sasha. Girl, he fucked me at the gym. Good luck not reaching for them cookies. Jasmin is so ravenous that she turned Blake's eyes blue. Anna & Mursel. I can't tell if it's genuine but her son Joey isn't opposed to the marriage because he lost control of the household it's because he really thinks something is afoot and mama ignored it. The psychology is outdated. Mike & Natalie. Natalie is calling bullshit on the process by establishing that there is more than one reason to get a green card, she' just being brutally honest about the demands. Nice men always follow bad boys by giving everything but pleasure. Mike & Juliana. Walking on broken glass. Michael & Angela. Angela is the aggressor that will lead you out of danger. Her hopes and dreams are so gigantic that she almost makes it seem possible. She deserves to get herself some. Angela, the buffoons have been cursed. Wink, Wink. Twitch. Kaboom! 30-Aug-2020
Beyond White Space (2018)
The inclination to watch was always interrupted by its gaming inspired poster. It looked like something you would play not watch. Obviously, it's description and my boredom tuned us in.
After decimating earth the next boost for humanity is to fuck up space. Away we go with pirates, thieves, anarchists, loveless, lawless and hopeless. Fun fact: I did not know space had crabs and no gays. The monsters are CGI identified on a two sided coin. The dialogue is full of those chemicals we don't want on our meat, the actors eating corn would have had the same effect and the director/editor stumbled by premeditating everything about to occur. The action sequences are as inspired as a preview before a game that never starts. 28-Aug-2020
Simon Killer (2012)
A heartbroken American goes to France to release himself. It is filled with ad lib banter (too many uhs and hmmms,) the sex was accurate (it gives you a woody) but the motivation was incomplete. 26-Aug-2020