It begins with family authenticity, struggling to keep current and afloat. Super reality sets in and the tingles begin. Oh no! It's going to be bonkers. The cast resolves it. I wasn't sure if the husband was Jackie Chan. I spent a lot of the time being jealous of how young he looked. It was driving me crazy. He can't be, right? When he utilized the master's moves, I thought, that's definitely Jackie Chan. It's a tribute to him and Michelle Yeoh as action heroes but why does he look so fucking young? Terrific surgery perhaps? Ke Huy Quan is as adorable now as he was as a kid in a Spielberg classic. The man was precise. To Lady Yeoh, we gently bow. Stephanie Hsu had fun being all iterations of evil because we had fun too. Jamie Lee Curtis was gnarly. James Hong added his queerisms. The film threw as many cliches as it did new ideas. A win win for art. A film that wipes its imperfections with glorious shots of legends reacting to wonder and giving us soul. 27-Nov-2022

A child fasts to appease god and clear her family of their sins. Faith, in the hands of a child, can be a destructive thing. Pugh remains on, for the duration, as an investigative nurse that wants to clear the bullshit. The director keeps us trapped and enrapt. You can only fight a fable by trading it for another. Well done. 17-Nov-2022

I would have preferred The Cage to the Chalk Line because the english title sounds like a gimmick used to limit production costs. The director accommodated the mood, the actors stood in place but its details provided little depth. I know the what but not the why. The script was written on a typewriter/tik tok adding machine with limited credit. 29-Oct-2022

Depletion of the ozone layer is making animals at high levels territorial. Crows are the eyes, bears, the muscle, dogs are betrayers and mice, the vermin. There were no cats of the domestic kind. I presumed the dogs ate them. The cast is professional and appealing. The George's marriage radiated on screen. Michael Ansara played a dignified American Indian, proudly. Leslie Nielsen rages in the most asshole kind of way and we love it. He ripped his shirt to shreds because he was committed. I was enthralled. Nice shots of the animals grouping, the child, the after effects of a kill and Andrew Stevens body, face, smirk and Farrah-like hair. A story that deserves what new technology is capable of... without the preach. 26-Oct-2022

While on a scuba diving expedition in Puerto Rico a newly married couple and their lawyer end up the last humans on earth when they resurface. They survive and explain the cause through the progression of the environment and by applying science to their observations. Words were in tune with how a woman might feel being the last one. The men went caveman because the lawyer has needs and his boss' wife was the only relief. I kept feeling the script would have had more depth had it not been costly. Wife is a newlywed who lusts to spend more time with her gangster husband. Lawyer is a do-gooder schmuck whose tired of being manipulated by sore losers. Every time the story filled in a hole the director cut away to something exotic. They hardly pondered whether, as last adults, they were worthy enough to replenish the earth. Wife's legs dangling from atop the boat, the men fish-slapping each other, the atmosphere (Puerto Ricans in 1960), the woman's hair turning from blonde to black and jitter acting that enunciates realness, were shots I will remember.

Remake. (Pssst: I would have given her my sperm and fucked daddy. Yeah, let her decide the future of the world.) 25-Oct-2022

A woman moving in with a man must turn the home into a dollhouse in order to make her feel like she owns it. She owns him as much as he thinks he owns her, but a toy is the only home she will ever get to own. The cast played it without pity, the story excelled as it moved, even though status has changed, emotions remain the same and Jane Fonda flexed some beautiful muscles. Freedom comes after you stop lying to yourself. A real Christmas story. 17-Oct-2022

The only way women can see the light is if they get punished for being women. The opener cues you in, the orphanage grants the characters humanity, the grown up versions are psychotic, the violence is pukey and the horror is inane. The more intimate the story, the bigger the chills. Here, the bigger the story, the more impossible it sounds. I do not get off on seeing women beat and suffering endlessly esp. for stupid reasons, but I realized that lesbians might. The film avoids sex as a respect to all women. Dude, I'd rather go back in time and get raped again than suffer through this. 17-Oct-2022

Women commanding the gates of hell with a distorted Vogue look. The story is simple, shoots straight and pummels. Beauty is desecrated, the mind becomes distorted, anyone can be a sacrifice and the victims can fight back. The box has personality, the characters supply empathy and the deaths are nerve rackingly clever. Make-up, costume and effects wowed. A lady Pinhead origin story with lots of sex and violence would be most welcome. 09-Oct-2022

When Predator removes his cloak and mask, its cool. He is a Jamaican space bear with gadgets. A historical portrait of Native American life and how futurism disrupts it. It was clever establishing the unthinkable. Director kept it sturdy and crawling. The heroine was crafted with moxy, determination and brawn. It can proudly stand aside the first. 08-Aug-2022

It's an incomplete thought. A woman realizes her culture by being left behind to be parented by a rich white family. The interracial harmony was a plus. The actors didn't make calls to their agents after every scene. They were in it. The idea that the man you loved was lying about his parents and abandons you to their care is frightening. The atmosphere was established, the actors were prepared but the story didn't succumb to its repression. All was safe, all felt long and none of it felt warranted. I wanted to hear the screams of agony and the main fucking the shit out of that pretty butler to get the fuck out of there. That's what real people do. They don't waste time wondering. 20-Apr-2022

Kurosawa's imagining of Macbeth was intoxicating. He lingered until we felt the character's desperation. The background was still and intimidating. The actors wore silent film faces with impassioned speak. Toshiro Mifune was a beast royale as MacBeth. Isuzu Yamada was fabulously haunting as his Lady. The rustle of her dress, the scary predictions, the make-up and bouts of violent madness. She was a favorite thing. Deaths were choreographed with coherent math and geography. Inspiration is achieved. Masterpiece recreation is impossible because the best things in it happened by accident. 28-Mar-2022

Oops. Laurie and Mike are not the brother and sister alluded to in Halloween 2. It was a myth and a modern waste of a great arc. 21-Mar-2022

Blindman wants to remain a dot, raising a stolen daughter, being stealthy and 100% sexless when it should be the opposite. Pervert! The child gets to choose the lesser of two evils. That's not fair. We get to know who the asshole is before the mystery begins. The clues to existence are ludicrous. Daddy's fun, kid has moments, all is a statement of life insecurity, terror and failure. The violence is pretty good. 12-Mar-2022

It makes you ponder things not worth a hill of beans because saying "hello" is not the same as "how are you?" They hired a mama and papa wrecker to be abused by a legend that is more of a stereotype than a mystery. The kids are nasty. I was highly insulted. 22-Feb-2022

The inestimable is the most hurtful. Brian Bonsall played Mikey, a throwaway child with trust, jealousy and psychotic issues. The actor had the smarts of an adult aware of its value. Everyone loves "new" adorable thing until it becomes codependent and angry. The conversations are the same as today, which freaked me out. "We're still talking about the same shit with the non-resolutions." Mikey is presented as an adoptive boy trying to adjust to a family that has suddenly enforced rules. They must die, the most inept investigators can't solve it and adorable little Mikey is psychoanalyzed for PTSD after secretly killing them. The psychiatrist frees him into the adoption system with an "all he needs is love" diagnosis and Mikey moves on to the next stupid family. Mikey has learned that electricity and water don't mix, you can hit real balls with bats, cops can't solve anything, mothers just stand there screaming while you're stabbing them to death and to remove the bullets from adult guns and disconnect their phones so they can't fight back. Empty guns waving in the dark. Elementary school sports training consisted of coaches deciding which boy would be a "skin" or a "shirt" for no apparent reason other than to be a pervert. Telling certain kids and not others to strip is insulting and absolutely gay. His favorite teacher becomes suspicious of the boy's monstrous tendencies when he adds marbles to her "marble game." A box is designated for the kids to drop marbles they earn for good deeds. The more marbles of goodness you inherit the quicker you can fill it so its doors burst open and you can receive a prize. She investigates his history but his adoption file is closed and the witnesses are minimal. There is no living thing that is safe when Mikey gets pissed. Will he spare no one? Kids dragging adult dead bodies, killing cats, feeding frogs to sharks, setting up the boyfriend and using a bow and arrow to kill are hilarious. Everything looks TV safe and appealing, the deaths are LOL and Bonsall keeps on giving. He is the conservative cunt that arises when successful families keep pushing the same subject without advancing. Mikey is the child liberated from bullshit. Baby boy is my new "Carrie."

PS: dudes, if she wants childrenx and you don't, show her this movie. Repeated viewing depends on her voracity for children and disdain for the film. Keep it downlow. We don't want to damage her. Keep it stealthily in the background and don't stop watching it. Make it a top ten of all time. Yeah, it's crap but its better than having a baby. 21-Feb-2022