All Posts Tagged as 'Funny'
Welcome to Errattic! We encourage you to customize the type of information you see here by clicking the Preferences link on the top of this page.
Devil All The Time, The (2020)
The film capitalizes on the idea that a belief in God compels naivete, lechery, sexual compulsion, loss and unforgiving violence. I'm good with that but where is the soul worth saving? Films are now made out of sap or coal. Everybody loves a bitch but they're quick to die in a bubble bath of flames. That's sad. Tom Holland never does wrong and his accent is acceptable, Bill Skarsgard was not allowed to stretch his beautiful bug-eyed wings, Sebastian is now a senior fuckable memory, Harry Melling scared the It out of me and Robert Pattinson head blocked me. His accent and sound was so confusing that I pondered looking up his real voice on Youtube. Different is not necessarily great. Bad Batman villain auditions are in Building 69, building 2 is for serious actors. The women are a form for destruction. God uses them as tools to test the depths of man. It is a well-done play with absolutely no value to offer its audience. 18-Sep-2020
Babysitter, The: Killer Queen (2020)
Everything remembered is welcome, the leap from kid to tween is maternally sweet but the whole is missing something. A foot in reality, a step forward and a babysitter. That's what I missed. 17-Sep-2020
Married At First Sight (2014-)
Daily routines were observed and only sarcasm relayed the truth. Amani spits toothpaste onto your hair. Woody awakens like a senior and avoids the night like a feeble. Olivia startles awake and Brett arises perfect. Tree Banger coyly called out wifey for a lack of cleanliness but she didn't bite. She's the breadwinner and he is the service. Case closed. The mermaid princess got together with another couple and ate Sebastian's grandchildren. Scuttle (the bird) spent half the time standing and perching. Amani attempted to have Scuttle confide in her but besides babbling about how impatience scares him, there wasn't much for Amani to capture from birdspeak. The princess was not amused that he thought her rude to her subjects. The bird, who never talks, complained about her lack of communication. They rethought things and decided the attention and cha-ching that may follow will be worth the marriage. To my chagrin Scuttle compared himself to a turtle. I blurted, "really?" His face twitches 50 times before a turtle blinks and are the feathers there to hide his shell? Brett attracted gay woodies at a rock climbing event then played "Trivia" at a bar with Olivia and her friends. The questions went over his head, he became surly and uncooperative exclaiming that what they were playing wasn't trivia. Wife was overcome with weakness, stepped out and had a meaningless conversation with her friend about how he doesn't want to be a part of them. I was team Brett all the way. The game was shit and the friends were condescending. Woody and Amani discussed child whipping. She was against it and he was raised with it. Of course, he acquiesced but thought...fuck it, a slap and a threat when she's not around, they won't tell. Executive decision yelled rape with a but. I have no understanding of her type. By proclaiming to be so empowered she has become the weakest bride. If you need to pay someone to show you what closeness is, you're a robot. Let the daddy loose or fuck his brains out. You only live once. 17-Sep-2020
Hollywood dating was in effect. Karen and Miles went food shopping. I would have picked up Popeyes before heading home just to annoy her. Executive Decision (Karen) declared foul once again. She can't deal being matched with a girl. What kind of bulls are in this woman's life? Daddy just wants some bear hugs, teet tweaks, a yank and maybe a pull. As soon as daddy put his sex foot forward, she yelled rape. She's not suitable for human contact. The Bangers went slacklining. I would have pulled out my scissors and cut the line but this couple is about celebrating every stupid little thing. The banana tree broke peer sex pressure and popped the wife which lent him "I can do better" arrogance as he regaled her for being unkempt and undutiful. He also chose space instead of her. That'll teach her not to clean the bathroom. The bird taught aquatic maiden to golf and a human tried teaching them to dance. I wondered if his head whips spontaneously back and forth during oral service. Olivia and Brett went on a Republican alligator expedition. Brett was especially upset when he realized there'd be no alligators attacking the boat or his wife. Stupid and funny reactions were enabled with an addendum stating Brett would be honored to push his wife out of a plane. 09-Sep-2020
The couples prepared for company. Brett called Pastor Cal a dik and went missing for hours. Next day he returned to celebrate his marriage to a nurse practitioner with free access to drugs. Party time. Brett compared his wife to Nurse Jackie and gossiped to his friends that there was a lot of big dick in Mexico. The Bangers played house. Tree Banger rocked some jack-o-lantern cotton as his head made a great wick. The aquatic princess couldn't think of a favorite childhood food even though she's a mermaid and was cooking fish. The Dracula wives made a return to authenticate that their bff was the best victim a woman could ask for - without the sex part. Karen softened to the idea of their being some Perry in Madea. The village partiers "sex bashed" the men that weren't measuring up. The chants in favor of rape were horrific. Do you want him to pull your hair? Yes, that would be nice. Choking. If he knows the safe word, yes. Will you let him say the first word? Absolutely! Can you beg to push things along? Absolutely fucking not, I'm still a woman. Rape. 02-Sep-2020
Babysitter, The (2017)
I watched it at its time but I was so smashed that the next day I couldn't remember enough to review it. Puberty boy realizes his carnal urge for queen sex is life-preserving and destructive. Samara Weaving serves Harley Quinn gusto, Robbie Amell is humdinger stripper/killer/rapist, Bella Thorne tears it like a beauty pageant winner, Hana Mae Lee slices and dices and the babies are sweet. The irrational violence is its humor and its perverted violence is its soul. The kills may be cannon but revenge is sweet. 16-Sep-2020
Pandemic anxiety coupled with protester violence makes for a scary zombie flick. There is no delineation because the action speaks for itself. The use of modern tech to create a different outcome is brilliant, the zombies are bone crushers and the direction is tireless. The ending from nowhere different prevents greatness because the last missed a master stroke. 14-Sep-2020
90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? (2016-)
Kalani & Asuelu. Asuelu's family is a condition of suffering and bullshit that Kalani and her children don't need to burden themselves with. Elizabeth & Andrei. He's a monster you greedily fuck but never stare deep at. The wedding was mafia orchestration with lots of pork for meaty man ass and aggressive bulges. Sweet daddy footed the bill and big brother spat indignation. Paul & Karine. I finally understand why he took Karine to the shit chocolate waste factory. He wanted to show her that the worst places in America are still better than her hometown. What a dik. Colt sounds and looks like Octus from Sym-Bionic Titan, has the etiquette of an unwanted hand slider and creepy as fuck. His contempt and desire for women bulldozes their goals. Mother is the beast he can't slay so every woman is fodder. Larissa & Eric. Larissa was knocked out under plastic so Eric enacted a silly skit where it appeared he waited hours (7 mins. tops) but it was just an excuse to watch him pace back and forth. It was all fake worry and new booby play anticipation. Without the charms of Larissa to entertain us the cameraman oddly opted to focus on Eric's sloppy, puffed out and squishy ass print. 14-Sep-2020
The controversy is unfounded. It is a coming of age story in which a girl realizes that the the only power out of a man's stranglehold is sex. Women, men and religion are not copacetic. Daddy is legally permitted to bring home a second wife and daughter and mother must celebrate it. The girls are reflecting the American pop icons that make female freedom seem so attainable. "Look, they can twerk their asses and shake their tits in public and no one stones them. They are considered queens living in castles above the clouds and everybody loves them. Their husbands are so cute and submissive." Little girls want to be loved and secretly twerk like adults. Parenting 101. Like most of its inspiration, the talent is unjustifiable. They can't dance. (My mother would have hiked up the kid's diaper, turned it into a plastic thong and had baby jiggling her ass for candy and male applause. I did it but only when they got me drunk. No kidding.) The atmosphere is full of enthusiasm with breaths of color. Female muslim prayer is actually represented. Good performances earn it praise but its lack of warmth and resolution hurt. A woman's best weapon is silence. 11-Sep-2020
Elephant Stampede (1951)
Prince of the jungle comic book serial. Twink with squishy muscles and soft skin provides protection to the environment and its people by instinctual training. There are poachers of elephant ivory, villagers enslaved by the economy of the forest and women pursuing worthy contributions for the betterment of the environment. The effects roll deflated, animals are fun and the stunts entertain like sexy pillow fights. 10-Sep-2020
Lovecraft Country (2020-)
I wish the production would ignore whites the way they did us because white men as devil diatribe is tired. The horror inhabits everything in history that we celebrated with no punch. I want to celebrate who we are, should be, can be, not something we never were. Wasting a beautiful cast on nonsense. 31-Aug-2020
The Jefferson clap was joyous, ex-President to Jorel was cheek and daddy brick stripped with comic book accuracy. The cast is in it but the words don't feel them. Too much confusion to be fixated on anything. I'm confused because my old head can't grasp it or because the words are slippery. Exactly. Its biggest problem is fixating on not humiliating itself in the portrayal of people that were. The people whose courage we still remember. 23-Aug-2020
Amiably cast, historically vibrant but returning the black man to when he had no power does us no good. (Wos included.) A scare happens when you don't expect it. White cops versus saints versus action heroes. There's only one answer. The three protagonists are full of huff and puff when it's historically known that most people didn't stand up at that time. That's why we're here. It's insulting to the few that famously dared. The big bang threat was unexpectedly absurd and depressing. (Daddy brick needs to get naked.) 17-Aug-2020
90 Day Fiance: Couples Tell All (2019)
The word soulmate has been destroyed for me. Why does anyone think that another soul can be connected to you for eternity but not death. Tania is the female empowerment culled from watching too much Nick sitcoms and Jane The Virgin. Syngin needs to squish right out of there before he turns to squash. Anny. He's looting your ass. Mamita tell the grandmother you want a job in porn. Too bad for the cute kid. Juliana & Michael. I hope to see the Lifetime version of how it went down ten years later. Lesbian Ex Killers... Fuck 'em attitude all the way. Emily & Sasha. Girl, he fucked me at the gym. Good luck not reaching for them cookies. Jasmin is so ravenous that she turned Blake's eyes blue. Anna & Mursel. I can't tell if it's genuine but her son Joey isn't opposed to the marriage because he lost control of the household it's because he really thinks something is afoot and mama ignored it. The psychology is outdated. Mike & Natalie. Natalie is calling bullshit on the process by establishing that there is more than one reason to get a green card, she' just being brutally honest about the demands. Nice men always follow bad boys by giving everything but pleasure. Mike & Juliana. Walking on broken glass. Michael & Angela. Angela is the aggressor that will lead you out of danger. Her hopes and dreams are so gigantic that she almost makes it seem possible. She deserves to get herself some. Angela, the buffoons have been cursed. Wink, Wink. Twitch. Kaboom! 30-Aug-2020
90 Day Fiancee (2014-)
S7E10. I understand the fulfillment received when a foreign embodiment decrypts what your own country can't give you...love. It's a trophy denied by the sameness in representation.
Juliana and ex-wife concocted a plan to destroy white daddy privilege. Juliana is smart. Happiness is never having to see white daddy privilege smirk again.
Blake & Jasimine. Dude, I had a relationship with her ex and every time I saw her, I shit my pants. He must like the punishment.
Anna & Mursel. The reason Mursel couldn't marry Anna is because the power in celebration has gone to parents' heads. Her eldest read it.
Robby & Anny. Ok, Anny is a fabulous creature that looks like my first girlfriend. If Robby doesn't provide for her like he promised their are bigger diks with extra bucks that will. Stop sleeping with your kid. You are making it easy for a pedophile to bed him. Would you like to snuggle, young sir?
Emily & Sasha. You can't change a communist. I've tried. Family first.
Tania & Syngin. If I were still a twink and still interested in sex I would enrapt her slave in realistic options and whip his hair back and forth. She is abominable. 29-Aug-2020
S7E3. Stoopid Americans invest on foreign trade hoping for love everlasting. Succeeding at not making their own dreams come true, the Americans construct a turkey pact to allow others into this country so they can destroy them. (We are built on the idea of slavery after all.)
Michael & Juliana. I hope he doesn't manage business the way she manages him.
Emily & Sasha. Emily is his last chance to get to America before his kid does.
Blake & Jasmine. Poor guy.
Anna & Mursel. The cherub and the bee. Anna cannot blame a man for not prioritizing her children. The kids are her responsibility and we live in a world where women make it their choice to matter. Give up the dik or hurt your kids.
Robby & Anny. Fool, get your son a bed! Fuck her. She's not here to play nice. The only way to be fashionable in a poverty stricken country is to provide special services.
Tania & Syngin. Jane acquired an injured bronco with free carpentry and boinking skills. It's your mother's house! She barely wants you there now. She will kick you out as soon that pitbull pops out your belly. She irritates like my sister. 22-Aug-2020
Married At First Sight (2014-)
In order for a woman to sit mightily on her throne, the man she bestows knighthood to must bend at the knee. The effect: with no training or heroes to emulate the men choose to cease and desist (they aint fucking.) The opportunistic molester will always grab and persist but the rest of the men are scared.
Woody does not want to be married to a "warrior woman." Karen is still not attracted to her wife. Tree banger lives in a tiny house and banger wife lives in a tree. Olivia declared that travel is the key to human preeminence. Yes, because that instantaneous joy that recedes upon return will sustain a person during "starvation days." (Maybe if she fucked her husband - before someone else does - it would feel like a trip.) Does the bird really live in a bird house? 26-Aug-2020
The mermaid nosedived as the bird perched steadily on a board in the water. The mermaid tried to fry-cook another wife's bird.
Brett is such a horny man he can fuck his wife. She only gets holidays off. Olivia can expect a future filled with hookers and babies. Brett squirms so much I saw his toilet face. Olivia spoke about her constant need to stay in touch with friends and family. Brett reaches to no one, not mother (esp. not her,) not anyone, except maybe his cat. His reaction to her insistence was a fuck-off to her friends and family followed by a villain grin for the camera. He spent too much time talking to pussy and not real people.
Somebody stepped on piss, all week.
Karen could not accept her husband's mental illness. She had such a perfect childhood. No trauma that would make anyone protest on any street. It's not manly. Only girls and sissies get it. She didn't sign up to marry a woman. When she grouped with the wives, she started slashing into her new "wife" but Banger wife stepped in and interrupted. Lady diva worries too much. The beast will come out as soon as she makes him depressed.
The Bangers. The wife needs to comb her hair as many times as she flosses.
The group session was awkward for the men and resentful for the women. The white husbands squirmed in unison when asked to mathematize their relationships. 19-Aug-2020
I pictured Brett saying "that fucking bitch" before and after every sentence. "I loved that fucking bitch. That fucking bitch cheated on me. I forgave that fucking bitch. That fucking bitch cheated on me again. I hate that fucking bitch. I'm so lucky to be married."
Calling your wife a cougar is just a polite invitation to a bedroom dinner. Karen complained that 10 monogamous relationships was too much for a 26 year old man. I've had ten relationships in one month. No need to worry. It means he meets the demand for 11 women.
Woody's fingers shrunk in the pool as well as some thing in the shower, later. Woody also thought it was cute that the Banger tree swam with his junk out in front of Amani. Weird is the new sex offender.
The mermaid princess hawked her bird into deep waters, environmental waste and wobbly streets. He failed at all of it. When he literally flapped his arms, it made my day. 13-Aug-2020
The mermaid is a pisser and the bird continues to flap involuntarily and very quietly.
The bangers and their respective families are competing to weird us out.
If Brett's face and body moved according to the sound of his voice, I'd believe everything he says.
Woody's mask is hiding the devil inside. 06-Aug-2020
The show has outlined relations for the future.
What a man thinks when he meets a prospective woman:
"Can I fuck her?"
"Will she fuck me?"
Amelia & Bennett. The theory bangers. When the bride spoke with groom besties I envisioned a spontaneous and loving future group dinner. Bennett is a vegan and likes female hairy armpit. I hope she's crispy.
Amani & Woody. His Sammy persona tears. Too much spunk. I thought Amani daddies were a gay couple. Brute gave that boy a death grip. Amani swung her umbrella and his with ease and joy.
Olivia & Brett. He has Dracula Wives for besties and he lost the mojo to an unzip.
Christina & Henry. The shallow mermaid and that bird she's always hanging around with. It's a show for her to put on and him to swallow. Henry's father proclaimed himself eligible for PFLAG by stating that his son is being the sissy boy the present needs him to be. The rest of the family outed him further during their toasts. They pick on everyone. She'll get used to it.
Karen & Miles. Thunder and lightning. What he wants from marriage is a family to lead. When she made him rub her feet he felt so last century. 29-Jul-2020
Conversion therapy for bubble-raised souls. The neighbors smile when you don't and hammer shit in you, when you won't. If you don't belong, they break you til you do. I wanted to scream for the protagonist but HOA/Social Media bills were past due. The first pumped me up, the last deflated me a bit but the whole was encouraging. 23-Aug-2020
No budget for a decent stage play less a good film but it has substantial ideas for us to ponder. Wifey woke awakens to sudden glam because daddy could do better inherited it. She is not comfortable commanding staff, feels it is beneath the help's heritage and fires them. (It's a mansion.) After an unreasonable time of daddy doing all the hard work he schemes to get her a robot. (Gay holler at the male choice.) The film does not succeed in creating the perfect robot but it creates the illusion of the perfect being. The explanation for maintaining robot/human boundaries is to not reach hoover or vibrator status or worse, love. The daddies whipped strenuous body muscle, the threesome was a two sided tango, the twist was great and it deserves off-off broadway respect. A tighter story and better effects would a Hollywood blockbuster make. 17-Aug-2020
John Wick 3 (2019)
Even after siphoning pleasure from the first two I was hesitant to invest in a third. I expected more ugly pup murder vengeance but it was one of the best video games I ever played. Angelica Huston was unrecognizable but still biting. Halle Berry finally delivered dog munching kickass. The horses, the cycles, the players, the stunts, the work. It was exhilarating. It's creation negates all improbability. Daddy cool K represents our aggressions and their release. Flush. 17-Aug-2020