TV Posts Tagged as 'Twisty'
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Mare Of Easttown (2021-)
The characters were overloaded with ache, the crime mystery was one coil after another, the actors wrung the shit out of drama but the whole was too "by the book" to matter. I'm old, I've seen this shit before. 31-May-2021
S1E3. It's not a dead horse crime investigation like I thought. Lone cop is overwhelmed by the demands of her town, her family and friends. It takes a stranger to make her realize that she's more than a badge. Guy Pearce is her release and her guilt. A teen has disappeared while another has died. Per the Hollywood bible, actresses must downplay beauty and uplift macho toxicity in their stride to assimilate toughness. Kate Winslet is a savior of intelligence not might. Her macho is uncomfortable because it doesn't feel genuine. The ferocity of a female always shines through. Let it. Aren't lady heroes supposed to bring balance? There are all types of lady cops in the world but Hollywood keeps choosing the profile of a lesbian that is not a lesbian. Evan Peters is adorable. The teens are realistic in a snot nosed kind of way. Jean Smart is my Endora. 29-May-2021
Temptation Island (2019-)
The series encourages eating from the forbidden fruit so when the lovers reunite they can be put on trial. The prettiest boy in the world is a conniving robot with missing essential parts. That girl DID NOT sleep with him! (Cue the video.) Dude, start experimenting with your pink hole. Gay and porn will provide you with a home and some play money. Erika & Kendal. Daddy Walberg did not let Kendal out of his seat until his dick was deep fried. Chelsea & Thomas. Thomas sat quietly as Daddy Walberg paraded all the better options his girlfriend has but later went backstage and pulled his hair out. It was growing in well too. Kristen & Julian. As flat as the pages of a fairytale that will never see publishing. We don't read Shakespeare but we talk like this? In cliches? Of course, the cheater didn't cheat while on Temptation Island. He no like that kind of candy. 29-Apr-2021
It's been a downcast season. I still want to sit on Mark Walberg, tweek his teets, burn into his baby blues while he provides psychological therapy and I rock up and down. Chelsea & Thomas. He promised his hair treatments would grow real hair in an allotted set of time and failed. She met someone whose plugs are finished, can lift things and doesn't shed. Erica & Kendal. She can punish him however she wants. He thought the purpose of the show was to go on a Fantasy Island type honeymoon and shoot some porn. Awesome, right? Honey, the court will look the other way. Anything you want. Erin & Corey. The most beautiful boy in the world and man's most popular choice. You want to lick his faults like ice cream but he's a pendejo. Yeah, we'll lick a pendejo, but he aint going to taste like ice cream for very long. The show paid a sex worker to tell him that what his willy can't accomplish his pretty face can. Rah, rah, rah...only if he joins our team as a super bottom. Viva Mexico! Kristen & Julian. Fake and shriveled up. Tempters get no empathy. Someone asked them if they wanted to go on TV and destroy some relationships and they said yes. Homeless deviants! 22-Apr-2021
The temptation is mighty man boobs. 21-Jan-2019
Cruel Summer (2021-)
Nerdy determination transforms into popular slut by befriending her rival, bestie's friends and boyfriend and dumping her dork tribe. Things go awry when rival goes missing. Politics are assigned as soon as the first secret spills and everyone chooses sides. They all feel guilty but only one is culpable. Our protagonist is cancelled and disciplined to wear frump goth until the jury deliberates. Its mindless, trashy entertainment served by teen pies desperate to stir some whipped cream and stale croutons (actors) that never made it to the oven but are closer to the kitchen. 27-Apr-2021
90 Day Fiancee: Tell All (2021)
The legend of the Leprechaun
Pt.2. Tarik and Hazel. Why is everyone pretending Tarik doesn't want to fuck Minty? Dude, her name is Minty. Minty doesn't like women but she's pretending to so she can steal Hazel's green card. "Bitch, get your own chump!" Andrew and Amira. I'm surprised she can travel. She doesn't move much.
It ended abruptly and it was Natalie's turn. WTF?! 19-Apr-2021
Pt.1. Yara & Jovi. Jovi likes strippers because they make him cum. Mike & Natalie. Natalie might qualify for "best supporting actress in a documentary" at next year's Academy Awards. Mike is a beastly leprechaun. He promises her his pot of gold then takes it back. The beast got shot projectiles for finding a unique way to explain cheating on Natalie. The prize for the humiliation is five years of extra fucks for him and a smelly closet, a freezing home, a pig, carrots and some company for her. I hope someone asks Natalie if she's a hardcore fan of Alison Argram who played Nellie Oleson on Little House... Brandon & Julia. Julia gave all the males woodies and squirms whilst describing her career, esp. Jovi and Brandon's dad. The Boy's mother almost choked from twitching closed her emotions. Rebecca & Zied. Tiffany's friend flirted with Zied and fucked Tiffany's husband. His guilt oozed right off the screen even though nobody accused him of anything. Zied didn't fuck Rebecca when she got naked in the hot tub because the lighting was off. Andrew & Amira. She couldn't breathe so she put a sexy bustier on to help the oxygen circulate. Andrew got his hair ironed for nothing. 13-Apr-2021
Big Sky (2020-)
It's a pity there is only one John Carroll Lynch and wife and trans. 26-Feb-2021
It looks like John Carroll Lynch is the only one carrying the series forward. Save the girls, give them love dilemmas and have them start a detective agency. Nix Barbie's Angels (wife and slutty BFF,) tone down the mother/son Bates competition and bring on some hot men. Keep hot grandpa and bitchy mother. They have promise. The wife revenge is intriguing. Kill the rest. 13-Dec-2020
Daddy squish competition, ignorant white girls without parents, "mothers are to blame for everything" quotes and smart dialogue. I wasn't shocked at the outcome, I was shocked at the choice. Twin Peaks dream with a nature show I haven't seen before. I'm hooked. 21-Nov-2020
Great, The (2020-)
This is the gangster version of Bridgerton. Emperor Peter, not The Great (that was his father) marries an empty pocket princess (Catherine,) devirginizes her without proper fantasy protocol and improper rapey penetration and provokes a sexual political war. The emperor was a child playing with a power befitting its time and privy to men and offensive to everyone. Catherine wanted all of that. Nicholas Hoult's cunt is a fascinating watch. You don't want to fuck him but you kinda do until he does something disgusting again and then it's off which makes him curl into a ball and makes you want to hug him. Good job, dude. Elle Fanning owned her virginity as much as she flaunted it. Slutdom was the key to achieving a turn in power. The comedy is harsh, the actors are yum and the politics are like ours. 13-Feb-2021
Fate: The Winx Saga (2021-)
It cared more about the legacy of melodrama than it did about the dynasty of magic. Likable girls, top-notch bi-color twinks, the doctor from Nurse Jackie caused a ruckus and the gay guy from Downton Abbey played a rugged soldier with a tenderness for twinks. The premise was perfectly set but the crux was missing. Why does fire kill the Burned Ones? Did my RPG brain malfunction? The only way fire can beat fire is if someone drains it. More magic, please. 30-Jan-2021
Sister, The (2020)
Man and his mate bury man wife sister. Mate later returns to inform husband that they need to move the body because of digging. Russell Tovy's choo choo train is fully equipped. He is frantic, deceiving, psychotic and the face of many successful emotions. The mate is annoying but the cast is bright. When the story reaches preposterous, the air bursts out of the balloon. 25-Jan-2021
A Teacher (2020-)
I keep wondering if the punishment would have been less traumatic had they not been caught. 21-Jan-2021
The consequences of an illicit affair between a female adult and a developing teen is that she equips him with a superpower. She gets punished. He becomes a sexual bandido because she taught him how pussy works. That is one hell of a superpower to lay on a kid and the episode exploits it as much as it clarifies it. I became confused and disoriented by the idea that if you enjoy it and it gives you street cred, it's not that bad. 10-Dec-2020
This happens when we're no longer allowed to slut-shame. 30-Nov-2020
S1E3. There is a warning at the end and the beginning of the show there is also also a contact for abused twinks to unload the free pussy they've been scoring for months. "Geez, it was fun for a while, but now she's acting like my mom. I don't care if she goes to go jail. Where do I sign?" The female teacher is the new priest. It's not her fault. Her husband is buying shit without her permission and his dick is no longer pink. She's helpless. Kate Mara adds the lemon to the all you can eat fish fry as Nick Robinson preserves a crack addled twink for dessert. Baby looks tired. It smells like a headline that caught your eye once and you only remembered it when it swung back around. All we can hope for is lots of sex and violence. This show makes you want to go out and break things. 28-Nov-2020
Amazing Race, The (2001-)
The reason we get randomly smacked in the street by strangers just won The Amazing Race. It wasn't much of a competition and daddy got covered up. It wasn't that cold. Fuck you. 17-Dec-2020
My wish for the gay sisters is that they have only each other to fuck for the rest of their married lives. The alliance hates alphas and black people next. Someone informed Super Daddy to tighten his crotch but I remember. 09-Dec-2020
The hierarchy of society is measured by the alliances we keep. The contestants hate Indians next. Phil doesn't wear underwear. Thank you, daddy. 02-Dec-2020
Gays hate females especially blondes. Beards hate females especially blondes too. Only the gays appeared foul about it. The Indian sis and bro isolated themselves by being disgusted by India's alternative dental hygiene. Your ancestors are offended. Daddy Phil did not appease me with a thong challenge but football is still in and daddy crotch jeans were in full view. Thank you, Phil. 26-Nov-2020
S3E7. Gays are always the first to start an alliance and the first to fuck it up. Daddy black baller had pink fingernail polish and I will never forget that. Daddy bigger baller loves art. Tingly. The gays have become the stereotype representation that assists in community failure and that makes me bet against them. I like the asian straight couple. Phil, I beg you. Do not let those alpha beards or ballers go until after the skimpy underwear wet challenge. Dude, I know you have a preference for blondes but please think gay for just one episode. The house boy was a nice touch. Twink Twink. 19-Nov-2020
S32E2. Phil has sporty good taste in Colombian houseboys. They love you for longer minutes. I am not a snitch but there is more than one LGBTQ couple competing in the race. The sport alphas are giving it a good twirl. Wink, wink. I tolerate the gay cup. 17-Nov-2020
It's amazing because the stunts are crazy, the producers keep finding people that are not us to perform them, and Phil is a master conductor. 02-Feb-2018
Haunting of Bly Manner (2020-)
It takes us to the same places so many times that we can figure out its outcome. I wondered if surprises would have popped more often if told in sequence. I understand that black women don't want to be maids but the commitment level for a realistic character needs to make sense. You don't wear designer clothing to clean a mansion. The mop was taken away from the maid and passed to a child and the vacuum didn't really stay on. How the fuck did she clean a mansion all by herself? Very good performances keep it chugging but the art hits the wrong part of the brain. The lesbians finally have their "Titanic." Hooray! 17-Oct-2020
S1E2. The premise is hauntingly decadent. The bullshit has been cast aside to allow the mystery to breathe. Victoria Pedretti as the caretaker of cuties doesn't stifle, always persists and treats the children to a fantasy world of security. The babies are made of sunshine overexposure and creepin' fuckery. T'Nia Miller's character is, so far, underwritten but her soliloquies are ardent. Henry Thomas is putting his superior experience to use. Before I realized it was him I thought it was Colin Firth. Good job, my boy. As soon as Miss Gugino enchanted a wedding party into partaking in a nine hour drunken haunted folk story, she had the upper hand. She slithers her words to make women uncomfortable and make men wet. It's not as complicated as the other one made itself and I trust it. 12-Oct-2020
Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous (2020)
There aren't that many setups to surprise us in Jurassic World but this is a nice bumpy ride. The dinos were majestic and verified killers, the adventure is ride worthy and the kids grew on me. It's made for the kiddies but I went to that adorable place in my head where everybody can go except stoned Uncle Bill and enjoyed it. 08-Oct-2020
90 Day Fiancee (2014-)
S7E10. I understand the fulfillment received when a foreign embodiment decrypts what your own country can't give you...love. It's a trophy denied by the sameness in representation.
Juliana and ex-wife concocted a plan to destroy white daddy privilege. Juliana is smart. Happiness is never having to see white daddy privilege smirk again.
Blake & Jasimine. Dude, I had a relationship with her ex and every time I saw her, I shit my pants. He must like the punishment.
Anna & Mursel. The reason Mursel couldn't marry Anna is because the power in celebration has gone to parents' heads. Her eldest read it.
Robby & Anny. Ok, Anny is a fabulous creature that looks like my first girlfriend. If Robby doesn't provide for her like he promised their are bigger diks with extra bucks that will. Stop sleeping with your kid. You are making it easy for a pedophile to bed him. Would you like to snuggle, young sir?
Emily & Sasha. You can't change a communist. I've tried. Family first.
Tania & Syngin. If I were still a twink and still interested in sex I would enrapt her slave in realistic options and whip his hair back and forth. She is abominable. 29-Aug-2020
S7E3. Stoopid Americans invest on foreign trade hoping for love everlasting. Succeeding at not making their own dreams come true, the Americans construct a turkey pact to allow others into this country so they can destroy them. (We are built on the idea of slavery after all.)
Michael & Juliana. I hope he doesn't manage business the way she manages him.
Emily & Sasha. Emily is his last chance to get to America before his kid does.
Blake & Jasmine. Poor guy.
Anna & Mursel. The cherub and the bee. Anna cannot blame a man for not prioritizing her children. The kids are her responsibility and we live in a world where women make it their choice to matter. Give up the dik or hurt your kids.
Robby & Anny. Fool, get your son a bed! Fuck her. She's not here to play nice. The only way to be fashionable in a poverty stricken country is to provide special services.
Tania & Syngin. Jane acquired an injured bronco with free carpentry and boinking skills. It's your mother's house! She barely wants you there now. She will kick you out as soon that pitbull pops out your belly. She irritates like my sister. 22-Aug-2020
Married At First Sight (2014-)
In order for a woman to sit mightily on her throne, the man she bestows knighthood to must bend at the knee. The effect: with no training or heroes to emulate the men choose to cease and desist (they aint fucking.) The opportunistic molester will always grab and persist but the rest of the men are scared.
Woody does not want to be married to a "warrior woman." Karen is still not attracted to her wife. Tree banger lives in a tiny house and banger wife lives in a tree. Olivia declared that travel is the key to human preeminence. Yes, because that instantaneous joy that recedes upon return will sustain a person during "starvation days." (Maybe if she fucked her husband - before someone else does - it would feel like a trip.) Does the bird really live in a bird house? 26-Aug-2020
The mermaid nosedived as the bird perched steadily on a board in the water. The mermaid tried to fry-cook another wife's bird.
Brett is such a horny man he can fuck his wife. She only gets holidays off. Olivia can expect a future filled with hookers and babies. Brett squirms so much I saw his toilet face. Olivia spoke about her constant need to stay in touch with friends and family. Brett reaches to no one, not mother (esp. not her,) not anyone, except maybe his cat. His reaction to her insistence was a fuck-off to her friends and family followed by a villain grin for the camera. He spent too much time talking to pussy and not real people.
Somebody stepped on piss, all week.
Karen could not accept her husband's mental illness. She had such a perfect childhood. No trauma that would make anyone protest on any street. It's not manly. Only girls and sissies get it. She didn't sign up to marry a woman. When she grouped with the wives, she started slashing into her new "wife" but Banger wife stepped in and interrupted. Lady diva worries too much. The beast will come out as soon as she makes him depressed.
The Bangers. The wife needs to comb her hair as many times as she flosses.
The group session was awkward for the men and resentful for the women. The white husbands squirmed in unison when asked to mathematize their relationships. 19-Aug-2020
I pictured Brett saying "that fucking bitch" before and after every sentence. "I loved that fucking bitch. That fucking bitch cheated on me. I forgave that fucking bitch. That fucking bitch cheated on me again. I hate that fucking bitch. I'm so lucky to be married."
Calling your wife a cougar is just a polite invitation to a bedroom dinner. Karen complained that 10 monogamous relationships was too much for a 26 year old man. I've had ten relationships in one month. No need to worry. It means he meets the demand for 11 women.
Woody's fingers shrunk in the pool as well as some thing in the shower, later. Woody also thought it was cute that the Banger tree swam with his junk out in front of Amani. Weird is the new sex offender.
The mermaid princess hawked her bird into deep waters, environmental waste and wobbly streets. He failed at all of it. When he literally flapped his arms, it made my day. 13-Aug-2020
The mermaid is a pisser and the bird continues to flap involuntarily and very quietly.
The bangers and their respective families are competing to weird us out.
If Brett's face and body moved according to the sound of his voice, I'd believe everything he says.
Woody's mask is hiding the devil inside. 06-Aug-2020
The show has outlined relations for the future.
What a man thinks when he meets a prospective woman:
"Can I fuck her?"
"Will she fuck me?"
Amelia & Bennett. The theory bangers. When the bride spoke with groom besties I envisioned a spontaneous and loving future group dinner. Bennett is a vegan and likes female hairy armpit. I hope she's crispy.
Amani & Woody. His Sammy persona tears. Too much spunk. I thought Amani daddies were a gay couple. Brute gave that boy a death grip. Amani swung her umbrella and his with ease and joy.
Olivia & Brett. He has Dracula Wives for besties and he lost the mojo to an unzip.
Christina & Henry. The shallow mermaid and that bird she's always hanging around with. It's a show for her to put on and him to swallow. Henry's father proclaimed himself eligible for PFLAG by stating that his son is being the sissy boy the present needs him to be. The rest of the family outed him further during their toasts. They pick on everyone. She'll get used to it.
Karen & Miles. Thunder and lightning. What he wants from marriage is a family to lead. When she made him rub her feet he felt so last century. 29-Jul-2020
Married At First Sight Australia (2015-)
Thor hammered Drusilla (Buffy/Angel) into place. She was the hostess with listening skills.
When women unite its for solidarity when men do is to wreck. If Michael attacks vagina the way he did Aleks I can see why Stacey stayed a bit. For every ball that popped from a man's zipper there was a female clipper on standby. The boys didn't win because their time is never but they broke her enough to make a girl out of her.
Mishel and Steve served some Kanga and it was sort of cute if you're there but cringey watching from home. I entered Steve in the gay freebies league. We hand out exclusive bjs to needy fit seniors, celebrities and straight men. All done by text. (Yes, Michael gets a discount.)
Creep racer used his mates to rev Aleks up but all it did was bring forth how fast or creepy he may be. Whatever the problem, the X marks the same spot. Eek.
The wives were sideswiped by hubbies, families and friends. Drew, from the rainbow toy collection, arched his back in pride as KC was blasted by his mother monster. The toys exist to entertain his dates. Ivan turned into a creep racer and Aleks woke up. Mishel needs to allow Steve time to switch his sexual identity towards her or not. No more talking. Seb sliced Lizzie's unhealthy appearance which he fixed with a bone rub and a kiss. I can add privileged to Stacey's hub slime. If Jonethen doesn't watch out, he'll accidentally enter Connie because of that foot in his mouth. She doesn't understand. Run. 07-Aug-2020
Mishel could balance on the ladder steadier if she grabbed onto reality. It is hard to live by one mentality when others won't. Men are molded by ego and sex. Daddy Steve from a children's book usurped his power by insinuating his coolness should have indicated to the experts that he deserved a twinkly and less in charge wife. I believe he tried but the email he wrote his willy wouldn't SEND. Hey, I think she's beautiful but I wouldn't sleep with her either. It never would have mattered when he said it, the reaction would have been the same. The rampage was preordained.
I wish they could find a way for Hayley to return. Happily divorced and remarried. There is young love to smash, daddy behemoths to best and she can terrorize the squirmy one with the smashing ring finger. 01-Aug-2020
Future prediction: men and women will isolate from each other until the government lottery calls their # for procreation. The women will raise the girls; the men, the boys. No more raping, violence or in-charge arguments, amongst each other. The gays will gladly step up and be the bitches men want and the mother a boy needs. Mom and dad need to get rid of the fairy tale. Y'all hate each other! 18-Jul-2020
S7E7. It imposes fairytale concoctions on vulnerable beings and grants them the consideration that anyone can get married.
The experts are new age gods matching the expectant with the inexplicable. (I kept seeing nature every time they talked.)
Looks, age, discrepancies and peculiarities don't matter. If you change your outlook, the judgment retires.
People get really seriously brutally honest.
I am spooked, clenched and devoured. 21-Jun-2020