TV Posts Tagged as 'Cooking'
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Temptation Island (2019-)
Daddy host kept rocking those skinny jeans. Yeehaw, cousin. Lascelle's back fat did not leave alone. Bizarro Lance Bass is dating an asian meatball. The guy with the hair is nothing but a hairball. His girlfriend thinks she's Diane Keaton in an award winning drama about failed relationships. 28-May-2022
Lascelle's back fat jutted out of his giant torso and it was spectacular. The tip of his well crafted ass sparked memories of cracked wishbones. It was a lighter shade of his skin color. It was so wonderfully squishy. I imagined his ass sparkling in the dark. Beautiful contrast. Kittykats came to nip at homeboy but he became enraged. He only has eyes for hostile women. Two men got to see their future exes get it on with Hollywood sex workers. Mark Wahlberg attempted to bring skinny jeans back. Please let him. Girls have extensions, men need to parade what make gays swoon. It's joyful. Brains don't count. It was a black thing wasn't it. You didn't want to see it constantly. Thank God for latin TV, they are always five years behind. Back to the horny women. They were both riotous but only one moaned for more and then more. Was the fucker at his limit or was she granting him the permission to add two more inches every 20 seconds? Either way. Yikes!! 14-Apr-2022
Daddy's teeth don't work in a bonfire setting either. Okay. Some of those idiot things are melting my loins. Ack! 13-Apr-2022
Open marriages exist when one partner grows weary of the other's sex. You think? 31-Mar-2022
Mark Walberg's teeth are so white that he clashes with the sun. If you can't trust a man because he texts other girls you are Sherlock Holmes not paranoid. Fuck you, therapists! None of the boys are worth fealty. They're ack! There is some pretty ones on the Hollywood hooker side of the group but the caliber of men is very "Oscar," not deserving this year. A beast brother is rocking blue eyes and Cindy Brady curls. Ack. A guy from the Bronx is auditioning for West Side Story 2. Double ack. One of the tempted males is rocking doggy style long hair. You know, the haircut that separates the weave from your hair by curling at a non realistic point like all the females are wearing. Ghastly. 18-Mar-2022
Temptation Island (2019-)
The series encourages eating from the forbidden fruit so when the lovers reunite they can be put on trial. The prettiest boy in the world is a conniving robot with missing essential parts. That girl DID NOT sleep with him! (Cue the video.) Dude, start experimenting with your pink hole. Gay and porn will provide you with a home and some play money. Erika & Kendal. Daddy Walberg did not let Kendal out of his seat until his dick was deep fried. Chelsea & Thomas. Thomas sat quietly as Daddy Walberg paraded all the better options his girlfriend has but later went backstage and pulled his hair out. It was growing in well too. Kristen & Julian. As flat as the pages of a fairytale that will never see publishing. We don't read Shakespeare but we talk like this? In cliches? Of course, the cheater didn't cheat while on Temptation Island. He no like that kind of candy. 29-Apr-2021
It's been a downcast season. I still want to sit on Mark Walberg, tweek his teets, burn into his baby blues while he provides psychological therapy and I rock up and down. Chelsea & Thomas. He promised his hair treatments would grow real hair in an allotted set of time and failed. She met someone whose plugs are finished, can lift things and doesn't shed. Erica & Kendal. She can punish him however she wants. He thought the purpose of the show was to go on a Fantasy Island type honeymoon and shoot some porn. Awesome, right? Honey, the court will look the other way. Anything you want. Erin & Corey. The most beautiful boy in the world and man's most popular choice. You want to lick his faults like ice cream but he's a pendejo. Yeah, we'll lick a pendejo, but he aint going to taste like ice cream for very long. The show paid a sex worker to tell him that what his willy can't accomplish his pretty face can. Rah, rah, rah...only if he joins our team as a super bottom. Viva Mexico! Kristen & Julian. Fake and shriveled up. Tempters get no empathy. Someone asked them if they wanted to go on TV and destroy some relationships and they said yes. Homeless deviants! 22-Apr-2021
The temptation is mighty man boobs. 21-Jan-2019
Below Deck: Mediterranean (2016-)
The guests were of the masterly type. A grunt called Hannah, Bugs Bunny. That's okay. Hannah called them assholes. Oysters made Hannah hop like a service animal for the rest of the charter.
Captain got dirty.
The rocket is about to land.
Pete knows how to eat and suck on meat bones.
Kiko kicks ass.
That's a fine pretty table, Bugs. 05-Jul-2020
There's a dickhand on board.
Hannah shut the base of an Ace, handled children like flopping fish and got pied in the face.
Captain pied crew members in their face.
The men denied, apologized and mind plotted... revenge.
A rocket was launched.
Kiko did his thing. 24-Jun-2020
Hannah frightened her employee.
Lara sought battle with Hannah by scary military code.
Chef Kiko. I'd lick his plates and nothing else.
The deckhands. Something you mechanically bull ride because you're wrecked.
Neither scientist or cis straight I be to recognize that Jessica is a rocket. (Don't explode.)
Don't call her sweetheart, sweetie or any words with calories. Call her daddy White.
Captain Sandy is commanding more than a boat. Good for her. 15-Jun-2020
Captain Sandy finally twirled her balls and her skirt. 25-Sep-2019
The Flintstones put aside shenanigans to celebrate hard work but only the certified kind. Gifted is out, snobbery is forever. 20-Jul-2019
Wet snouts all season. 12-Sep-2018
I guess its okay to present a woman with an unknown penis if it has vodka in it. 18-Jul-2018
The client reference sheet for food exemplifies how the rich can add waste to the environment. 13-Jun-2018
Rules and liability specifications are locked, there's room for us to guess which crew member will fuck up the hardest and the first clients were "Plantation Rich" (they think having money means they pay for enslavement.) 16-May-2018
Highlights include a lady captain and a lamentable pup, love-thrashed by a pocket siren that exhumes growls and sniffs from the male crew. Hannah quips her way through most of it but then succumbs to the lunacy that all are indulging in. Kate, your turn. 16-Aug-2017
It's everything the initial is yet augmented in the unbalanced crew department. The commander seems perplexed by his spiky helpmates and we shall be banqueted until our brains too become unhinged. It's a preferable fix to the housewives and it fulfills AHS: Asylum munchies. The hottest is the most baked. 30-Jun-2016
Top Chef (2006-)
What Are the Consequences of Eating Rare Meat?
I think it's irresponsible to constantly introduce steak tartare when science has considered raw meat unsafe. 17-Jan-2019
Food snobbery in the way of competition that slays and remains because of great editing, interesting characters and incomparable judges. 03-Jan-2017
Holiday Baking Championship (2014-)
Comfort food, amiable people and a daddy host squish (Palmer) that eats. 05-Dec-2018
Island Hunter (2017-)
I watch sporadically to soak up relaxing panorama. I recorded the Puerto Rico episode to bask in memories and cherish my culture. We eat sandy melts, empty the streets and our favorite spice is rosemary? It was nice to see a sumptuous mofongo, platanos and such but the primaries (rice, bean, pasteles, relleno de papa, alcapurrias, empanadas) were mute. The island is being terraformed for the elite and we are being erased like the food I just mentioned.
I didn't need to see Liesel Hlista food taste. She approached many of the meals with dread. I wish someone would've tickled her off camera so we could get an almost honest reaction. 23-Nov-2018
Martha & Snoop's Potluck Dinner (2016-)
I keep waiting for Martha to have a "Merlot" moment and brand the shenanigans she has to endure overdone. 19-Jun-2018
Cake Boss (2009 -)
Loud, inordinate nagging family togetherness and sharing with strokes of artistry. As much as I would dip into the possible delights in his bakery I would be a little standoffish about partaking in the artistic cakes that have been touched and exhaled on by countless hands and breadths. When you treat food like furniture the mouth tends to dry up. 07-Nov-2016
Halloween Wars (2011 -)
The host is incorporated, the judges evaluate with detachment and the bakers outstrip for their art. I watch for the latter. 02-Nov-2016
Halloween Baking Championship (2015 -)
There is more creation than art and more intrigue from the judges than the artists but it quenches the holiday feel. Carla Hall makes us comfortable, Damiano is pretty reserved and Sandra Lee is a manifested pro. I'm still not sure if Jeff Dunham is funny but he fits in like a creepy uncle with cum gush face that kind of itches when he gets close. 17-Oct-2016
Worst Cooks In America: Celebrity Edition (2015 -)
I tuned in to watch beloved celebrities being challenged to excel at being deficient at a talent their star didn't historically glimmer for. Food challenges are the most fragmentary competitions for an audience to partake in because we can neither savor it or repudiate it via taste. We may not be able to feel a fabric in a fashion clash but we can all see the hideousness in it.
It hurts to see them in such a staged and derided environment. If it were a more intimate setup we might discover more of what makes them so esteemed. "Love Boat" and "Fantasy Island" were sub-par entertainment who exploited stars with dimming lights but who at least rendered them a "last call" that allowed us to enjoy the talent they were once valued for. 21-Sep-2016
Great Food Truck Race, The (2010 -)
There is always enough skilled and affable contestants to cheer for and Tyler Florence can spit food in my face any time. 01-Sep-2016
Food Network Star (2005 -)
I'm sure that intentions were magnanimous at start but these last few seasons have seen a decline in craft and anything resembling star quality. They either need to give the contestants more formal practice time before we are introduced or the producers don't care and are allowing the boobs to dominate so we can laugh at them. I hope it combusts along with Giada's pretended smile. 22-Jun-2016
Chopped (2007 -)
It was fun for a while and Ted is so easy to watch but a few years of the repetitive amped up grossness is enough. Its not like they were teaching anyone how to cook. 06-Mar-2016
Home & Family (2012 -)
Amiable pros in a comforting atmosphere and Mark Steines. It's all about Mark, especially during polo season. 30-Dec-2015