TV Posts Tagged as 'Fake'
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Summer House (2017-)
Reunion Pt. 1. Dude, Carl has Ozempic neck. Ciara confused a fuck for a marriage proposal with ten kids. Whatever Wes is hiding must be inside his underwear because the part in his hair reminds me of a barber shop quartet. Lindsay and Carl are both liars except the giant slayed his prey with one cancellation. Why wasn't Robin Hood sitting on Amanda's lap? Isn't his ass worth it? 07-Jun-2024
Paige schooled Ariana DeBose on what a mentally challenged slut is. Is Robin Hood aware that we can flip him like a pancake and concentrate on that instead? Ciara kissed the aioli and didn't throw up. Gabby's problem is that she can't hit someone. Ariana DeBose? Bravo is not like BET. Carl needs to know that he can also be flipped and motor boated from behind. 27-Apr-2024
Ariana DeBose can replace Danielle and nobody would notice. Can Ciara please stop pretending to like white people? Can Lindsay stop pretending that there isn't more to her and the balloon guy than previously suggested? Is she diddying him to other girls? Is Amanda unaware that any man would eat and massage Robin Hood's ass if he asked? Is Lindsay aware that anybody would motorboat her giant, without asking, because of his hairy thunder thighs? 15-May-2023
Is dating Lindsay making the giant's hands smaller? 12-Mar-2023
Ekin Sue & Davide (2022-)
Ekin Sue acts like any of the Love Island win votes were for her. I'd believe they had something if she didn't look so sexually frustrated. They hardly kiss, have gogo time and he's only interested in her getting pasta right. Daddy is whom he got the gaul from and mama+ is where he obtained his insecurities and sexual disabilities. TG they're both stoopid for money. 31-Dec-2022
Too Hot To Handle (2020-)
Oh fuck. Monumental nudity not allowed. Boo! 18-Dec-2022
S4E3. The hornies are back. The series offered light nudity because they can and should. They served two pretty safe pipe extinguishers, one knockout but no monumentals. We're talking James and male ass here. He's the monumental that hasn't shown. 12-Dec-2022
Yo, call a doctor! The human race is hornier than we thought. It's not just us, its everybody! The children are fucked! 03-Jul-2021
No sex games, stripper parties or porn stars performing anatomy tricks. No Casa De Amor with an hour free of rules to tempt anyone. A lame exercise in controlling the libido does not a better date candidate make and I have no idea what point it's trying to make. (The winner takes home about $12.00 after taxes.) 19-Apr-2020
The norm is hornier than I thought. Love Island Castaways land on Mt. Celibacy and are tortured into going straight. The women are boob jocks and the men prance around blowing bro bubbles. The understanding is that what an independent woman wants, is a servant. It's not daring or tacky, not willing to titillate on a channel that permits it and not willing to locate a winning politic. "Tom Holland future" is an eerie panty shredder, women are still reaching for the biggest/complicated things, unruly racism is itching closer to our faces and Jesus left because he couldn't stand them. 18-Apr-2020
Big Brother (2000-)
Predictability won. I think Monte is even more allergic, now. Anybody can become a winner if they coast on others, represent, wave, purr on stupid menx and endorse chips. The show could not redeem Kyle, with the beautiful legs, with an apology (for deciphering the whole reverse thing) so they included him in a fake audience "favorite"lineup. The winner was given the opportunity to distribute the wealth but chose to Oprah it. 26-Sep-2022
Julie Chen made a music video so I can talk about her. OK, I'm talking about her. Hahahaha! There is a gay romance brewing amongst Monte, who seems allergic to vagina and is posing as a disinterested cis man for money, and Taylor, a beauty contestant whose experience goes beyond waving. Turner is that squishy ass that cis men fuck accidentally when they're drunk or its dark. Brittany resembles a comedian you'd fire from SNL. Boy, I can't wait for Julie Chen to start talking. Wink, wink. 01-Oct-2021
Summer House (2017-)
The wedding. Kyle never looked lovelier. Andrea reminded the guests how much he needs a green card. Amanda's father was proud that his daughter chose a wide enough dress to store her husband's money. All the parents looked miserable. Lindsay fought the urge to buy a cat by asking Carl out. Carl kindly refused because he needed more time to feel shitty and sober. Carl named his giant hands "daddy." The only thing missing from Ciara's attitude was a belly button. 03-May-2022
Paige took me to a LOL brink by hosting a "tennis" inspired navy band slutwear fashion show. Where is a black person supposed to wear marching band navy slutwear to? She might dare wear it in the ghetto but she's not making it out alive to enjoy it. How presumptuous of Paige to think all black people know about tennis. Why, because two sisters once played it? Everybody's picking on Lindsay because she refuses to become a cat lady with regrets. She'll be forgetting about dick soon enough, let her savor some memories. She shouldn't be fucking so wildly after losing a child she never got to play with. WGAF. Lindsay should be able to change paths if she wants to. They all arrive to the same conclusion, death. Kyle has suffered enough male emasculation. He shook the table a little bit and everyone reacted like "the slap 2." Dude, Ciara poured wine and smashed glass on people! That was about something else. Really? Amanda's parents shoved their greedy asses into the prenup mess. In order for a feminist to succeed she needs her man's money. Her parents are scary. I'm surprised Kyle wasn't constantly farting through dinner. 19-Apr-2022
Yo! Lindsay got creamed for fucking multiple partners without being a parent. Ciara cannot forgive her for fucking her non-boyfriend. Bitch is lucky nobody made her clean up the broken glass. Raging with future alopecia is not helpful. Alex can only make one thing big and it's not his dick. Amanda does not want to sign a prenup that excludes her from fucking the nurse and taking all of Kyle's money. Andrea's huge dick can't guarantee him a green card. He needs to stop fake crying and fuck the shit out of Alex. Gays have power too and they clench real tight. 12-Apr-2022
Ciara took a page out of Will Smith's bio, broke glass and splashed red wine on her roommates. Some of them wore white! She was angry because her ex fucked the cat lady. Kyle did what the Oscars didn't dare and dragged her out. Karl realized that the road to happiness doesn't have to include his giant hands. He's going to have to use his dick too. Ken Doll asked for a prenup because he doesn't want his wife fucking the hot nurse and forgetting about his feeding tube. The only thing Andrea misses is not being a citizen of a country that accepts rampant sex. Paige's new boyfriend acts like a feeding tube. 05-Apr-2022
Reunion 2. The Hannah/Kyle dispute was tucked away. Kyle is the middle aged version of her fiancee and the man of her wet dreams. Carl's hands spoke and touched everyone. He did the giant thing and they swooned. Lindsay spoke like a man and got appreciation. Luke smashed Hannah's face in the jelly jar and brought down the fourth wall of reality TV. The host pretended minimally to scoop it up. "No. Really. It's not, we're not, I'm not, none of us are... fake. Really." 08-May-2021
Reunion. Hannah cried at every word rhyming with Luke and puked at every reference to Kyle. Kyle busted his rubber bands and walked out. Luke is still apologizing for being horny. Host did not offer Carl's giant hands their own seat or their own questions. 30-Apr-2021
I had a doll like Kyle once. He was blonde, four feet tall with rippling muscles, and a thong. He could pop rubber bands with his biceps. I had my seven foot black GI Joe fuck the shit out of him every day. My mother noticed the cum stains on Kyle and made him disappear. Something akin to how Hannah feels. She admired him in the toy store window when she was a tot but her mother wouldn't buy him for her. Shush, honey, that's only for boys. She can't get her hands on him. He's so disgustingly dominant for a little dick. I want him! No, I don't! Luke what? If I were Ciara I would have gotten Carl fucked up, up my dress and convulsing to his giant hands by now. Next morning. Car screeches away. Who was that? Carl. He had business to take care of. Really? Lindsay. Not being self-conscious of what she's doing makes her a really bad actress. Happy married with children! 23-Apr-2021
Stephen found out the hard way that there is no pleasing a woman. Dude, they're cocaine and we're weed. Wear them out. 05-Feb-2021
Celebrity Big Brother (2018)
The Beast won. Booooooooooo! 27-Feb-2022
Sucking international dick on a successful kid's TV show made Todd Bridges an expert at siphoning distinct flavors from semen. 17-Feb-2022
Aunt May was saved like in the comics. The hobgoblin transformed and departed in shame. Splitx is a paranoid bottom. "Beef for everyone!" It took a strong black woman to realize that there is a predator amongst them. Todd is only repentant when someone pays him. Julie Chen must be dehumanized by being reduced to letters. JC Moonves. "Bring the money to papa, so I can fuck even more stupid girls whilst you're lost in a maze." 13-Feb-2022
CBB"Home for the Aged" capacity is at 100%. Aunt May is a threat? She doesn't even know Peter is Spider-Man yet. When Chris Kattan walks away from filming, he's turning into the Hobgoblin. Production should have hired a small person for Todd Bridges to spar/play with. He's boring. The HOH Strip competition made me wince. They're old. Natural reaction. 10-Feb-2022
Lesbian appropriation is devised as a plan to conquer and liquidate. She won HOH. Aunt May from the original Spiderman won the power of veto. Chris Kattan stopped sucking cock. He eats cake now. Kardashians shit their bed. Asians are a threat. Julie keeps highlighting the Moonves name which makes us an accomplice to her husband's shenanigans. We held her arms and legs while he fucked her. She deserved it, she didn't finish the maze. 09-Feb-2022
Guess who never showed... 14-Feb-2018
There is something fraudulent about the presentation...and I'm still waiting for the celebrities to show up. 08-Feb-2018
Joe Millionaire: For Richer Or Poorer (2022-)
The Joes met the ladies' families. The organization could not release any family members of cartel girl due to safety concerns so they sent a muscle disguised as a GBFF. He was hilarious. One of the fathers became horny and cringey. He warned the Joes about his daughter's "down there" and nobody flinched. A spider? What? One of the Joe's thought the gay dads were strippers. What else would they be? They were good looking. 18-Feb-2022
The semi Joes eliminated the girl whose makeup couldn't hide her age. Hahaha. 03-Feb-2022
There is no one to explore except cartel girl. Mother demands that Tarzan Joe, her future baby daddy with no money, spare her all the attention, even if he's fondling another. Unfortunately, fondling is not acceptable if its done to your face. Cartel girl is desperate. She gets a call from the boss threatening to cancel baby feedings if she doesn't nab that millionaire. Meanwhile, the iguanas are falling from the skies. The men imprinted their preferences and I hope a smart woman remembers them. "The less make-up the better or young, goldiggers are just finger fucks, children are an item and men don't give a shit." - Joe Millionaire 29-Jan-2022
The unbalanced black flat chick ended her rage after it was discovered that she was too mentally unwell (she spoke truths that insane people don't want to hear). White people like to have fun. They don't whine if their hair frizzes up like their foe. They just reinvent it. The latin mother is so obsessed with her conquest that it feels like she has a cartel up her ass forcing her to do so. Adios. My pecker is like a compass and the needle is not pointing to either Joe. Can we bring original Joe in? He may be a hideous bear now but I'm sure he can still make slurps sing. 23-Jan-2022
It took two bachelors to add up to one Joe Millionaire. The original's historical "slurp around the world" was magnificence. My pecker picked the poor one until I got to know him then I switched. Tarzan hair is fun but he's such a pendejo. He has no sexual entitlement. Cowboy Cheeky is fuckable in a Chucky kind of way. He has a bubbly ass. In my day, they would have called the contestants, escapees from mental institutions. A desperate "housewife to be" decides to wear the same dress as another contestant. Neither chose to "rock" the shitty dress and left it up to the millionaire to decide which tacky slut filled it the least. It depends how gay the men are. Black girl gets drunk and starts feeling used. She goes on a rant. White girls are not having it so they plot. Mothers of America. Shame on You! You've turned your daughters into dumb sluts competing for basic. Original Joe hands. Classic. 10-Jan-2022
Single's Inferno (2021-)
A different culture with precise goals, criticisms and charisma. It's the Bob Ross of reality dating shows because it illuminates everything, casts a spell and mansplains why men should exist in an established manner within slow strokes of genius. Bob Ross created trees from memory and turned landscapes into blossoms. I did not get accustomed to their tradition until I turned English dub on. I could memorize the texture of their speech and apply it to their emotions. It made me respect the nuances of a quiet nation, laugh and hurt with them and not get as angry. 14-Feb-2022
Big Brother (2000 -)
Sexism is celebrated in every culture. 01-Oct-2021
Beauty must be abolished before all else. 24-Sep-2021
A beautiful power bottom won the power of veto. 15-Sep-2021
Because of its hollow historical victory, all black characters appearing in Hollywood horror movies will die first. Again. 13-Sep-2021
Master psychology thesis on the lack of a human heart. Does Les Moonves subject Julie Chen to an obstacle course before she can re-enter their home? 19-Aug-2021
It's like coming home after a hard day's work and tuning in to hear what your co-workers were thinking. Mind blast. The frustration goes way beyond an undeserving winner. 14-Jul-2016
Scenes From A Marriage (2021-)
It charges in promisingly. A class in master acting? No. Jessica Chastain fulfills her part but is lessened by technique directives that make her twitch and dishonest. There are no ass shots of Mr. Isaac's squishiness. He is a serious actor and nothing more. It's incomprehensible that couples talk about their marriage constantly. It's boring. 15-Sep-2021
Chad (2021-)
Nasim Pedrad plays a fourteen year old boy with cosmetic enhancements, a balding auntie wig that isn't glued to her neck and the swag of a girl whose sure she's going to get an "A" in drama. Her statement is overshadowed by how she feels about boys. She adds confusion to the sexual revolution. Had Pedrad cast a boy of her own heritage to be an example of how she wants her future to look like, she might have created some sweet art. 21-Apr-2021
Young Rock (2021-)
The man has attention, revenge, fame, money, his family, more fame, more money and more power... The show's excuse is to promote Mr. Johnson as the next Republican leader in-charge by having him brag for 22 minutes. Does being a stereotype make him like everybody else? 23-Feb-2021
Summer House (2017-)
Dude, they're still alive! They're back with added color. They haven't grown one bit. That's fabulous. 05-Feb-2021
Every party is a cleanse for every dream that wont come true. 07-May-2020
Truth party games. Wow, they really work.
The girls are friends again until the next bout of horniness trumps it. 01-May-2020
The green giant has sexual dysfunction and old people getting it on, is sick. 23-Apr-2020
Had no idea there was clamor for more. It's back to the future where we get to see grandpappy hook-ups in real time. "Me too" is a charity, feminine wiles are an exaltation, closets are for sex not coming out, women love big things, men are horny and crass mugs that only hold intelligent conversations whilst on the hunt and remain stupid after they fox it. I have no idea what they represent but my generation is enthralled and disturbed. 13-Mar-2020
A band-aid of happy endings. 29-Jul-2019
The gay got replaced by a floaty and a scary virgin. The elders are not aging gracefully and the show has gone from being my chore radio to white noise. When you watch reality TV you get to experience the damage our parents wrought. 23-Jul-2019
- Supreme Ken Doll (Kyle) needs to explore why he prefers living in a blur
- Waiting is a virtue (Amanda) - only if you know what you're waiting for
- Lindsay realized that change only happens when you apply it to yourself. Good for her
- The salt (Danielle) was overtaken by hot peppers (twins)
- The inactive (Stephen) needs to divert his hostility towards his parents. They are the reason he can't move forward
- The blistering giant's (Carl) self awareness allows him to take from life easily 19-Jul-2019
In season two they added salt to mild, endowed the gay with a bitch rap and the desperation from separation (relationships/careers) was dialed up a notch. Stephen needs to accept his het counterpart like he'd like to be. If he's really a friend he would appreciate Carl's flamboyance and his disregard for what people think of him. Hotness attracts men. Hot shit spills over. Unless you only have eyes for him...that's a different problem. 15-Jul-2019
It does stereotype well. Twins are still annoying, blondes are vacant, the gay needs an apron, the ex-fatboy is out for revenge and the women still have no clue what's flashing in a man's face. The man knows. Mind boggling. I may become obsessed by it or immune. 12-Jul-2019
Emmy Awards (2020)
Kimmel could have been cheaply portrayed by any muppet from Sesame Street and Anthony Anderson wouldn't have made Elmo take a knee for being inappropriately funnier than him. The comedy was Blue's Clues challenging and hostility safe. They found three drag queens to applaud for RuPaul as long as they were not in the same room. Everyone had observations as to how we can continue to give them a great life even though they suck up most of it. I tuned out as soon as the Queen Mother of Greed honored Madea for inspiring Drag Race. Really? Of course, I tuned back in for super daddy Succession and mama Zendaya. Maybe a little longer. People are angry because the rich keep celebrating things and doing nothing. Thanks for the sign but can you shove one less spoiled kid with a special price tag in my face? I'm not gay enough for Schitt's Creek, not butch enough for Killing Eve and not girl enough for Normal People. The show only confirms that I will see the end of the world. Congratulations, winners! 20-Sep-2020
Camp Getaway (2020-)
It needs a serial killer. 13-May-2020