All Posts Tagged as 'Wit Snit'
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Devil All The Time, The (2020)
The film capitalizes on the idea that a belief in God compels naivete, lechery, sexual compulsion, loss and unforgiving violence. I'm good with that but where is the soul worth saving? Films are now made out of sap or coal. Everybody loves a bitch but they're quick to die in a bubble bath of flames. That's sad. Tom Holland never does wrong and his accent is acceptable, Bill Skarsgard was not allowed to stretch his beautiful bug-eyed wings, Sebastian is now a senior fuckable memory, Harry Melling scared the It out of me and Robert Pattinson head blocked me. His accent and sound was so confusing that I pondered looking up his real voice on Youtube. Different is not necessarily great. Bad Batman villain auditions are in Building 69, building 2 is for serious actors. The women are a form for destruction. God uses them as tools to test the depths of man. It is a well-done play with absolutely no value to offer its audience. 18-Sep-2020
Babysitter, The: Killer Queen (2020)
Everything remembered is welcome, the leap from kid to tween is maternally sweet but the whole is missing something. A foot in reality, a step forward and a babysitter. That's what I missed. 17-Sep-2020
Married At First Sight (2014-)
Daily routines were observed and only sarcasm relayed the truth. Amani spits toothpaste onto your hair. Woody awakens like a senior and avoids the night like a feeble. Olivia startles awake and Brett arises perfect. Tree Banger coyly called out wifey for a lack of cleanliness but she didn't bite. She's the breadwinner and he is the service. Case closed. The mermaid princess got together with another couple and ate Sebastian's grandchildren. Scuttle (the bird) spent half the time standing and perching. Amani attempted to have Scuttle confide in her but besides babbling about how impatience scares him, there wasn't much for Amani to capture from birdspeak. The princess was not amused that he thought her rude to her subjects. The bird, who never talks, complained about her lack of communication. They rethought things and decided the attention and cha-ching that may follow will be worth the marriage. To my chagrin Scuttle compared himself to a turtle. I blurted, "really?" His face twitches 50 times before a turtle blinks and are the feathers there to hide his shell? Brett attracted gay woodies at a rock climbing event then played "Trivia" at a bar with Olivia and her friends. The questions went over his head, he became surly and uncooperative exclaiming that what they were playing wasn't trivia. Wife was overcome with weakness, stepped out and had a meaningless conversation with her friend about how he doesn't want to be a part of them. I was team Brett all the way. The game was shit and the friends were condescending. Woody and Amani discussed child whipping. She was against it and he was raised with it. Of course, he acquiesced but thought...fuck it, a slap and a threat when she's not around, they won't tell. Executive decision yelled rape with a but. I have no understanding of her type. By proclaiming to be so empowered she has become the weakest bride. If you need to pay someone to show you what closeness is, you're a robot. Let the daddy loose or fuck his brains out. You only live once. 17-Sep-2020
Hollywood dating was in effect. Karen and Miles went food shopping. I would have picked up Popeyes before heading home just to annoy her. Executive Decision (Karen) declared foul once again. She can't deal being matched with a girl. What kind of bulls are in this woman's life? Daddy just wants some bear hugs, teet tweaks, a yank and maybe a pull. As soon as daddy put his sex foot forward, she yelled rape. She's not suitable for human contact. The Bangers went slacklining. I would have pulled out my scissors and cut the line but this couple is about celebrating every stupid little thing. The banana tree broke peer sex pressure and popped the wife which lent him "I can do better" arrogance as he regaled her for being unkempt and undutiful. He also chose space instead of her. That'll teach her not to clean the bathroom. The bird taught aquatic maiden to golf and a human tried teaching them to dance. I wondered if his head whips spontaneously back and forth during oral service. Olivia and Brett went on a Republican alligator expedition. Brett was especially upset when he realized there'd be no alligators attacking the boat or his wife. Stupid and funny reactions were enabled with an addendum stating Brett would be honored to push his wife out of a plane. 09-Sep-2020
The couples prepared for company. Brett called Pastor Cal a dik and went missing for hours. Next day he returned to celebrate his marriage to a nurse practitioner with free access to drugs. Party time. Brett compared his wife to Nurse Jackie and gossiped to his friends that there was a lot of big dick in Mexico. The Bangers played house. Tree Banger rocked some jack-o-lantern cotton as his head made a great wick. The aquatic princess couldn't think of a favorite childhood food even though she's a mermaid and was cooking fish. The Dracula wives made a return to authenticate that their bff was the best victim a woman could ask for - without the sex part. Karen softened to the idea of their being some Perry in Madea. The village partiers "sex bashed" the men that weren't measuring up. The chants in favor of rape were horrific. Do you want him to pull your hair? Yes, that would be nice. Choking. If he knows the safe word, yes. Will you let him say the first word? Absolutely! Can you beg to push things along? Absolutely fucking not, I'm still a woman. Rape. 02-Sep-2020
Babysitter, The (2017)
I watched it at its time but I was so smashed that the next day I couldn't remember enough to review it. Puberty boy realizes his carnal urge for queen sex is life-preserving and destructive. Samara Weaving serves Harley Quinn gusto, Robbie Amell is humdinger stripper/killer/rapist, Bella Thorne tears it like a beauty pageant winner, Hana Mae Lee slices and dices and the babies are sweet. The irrational violence is its humor and its perverted violence is its soul. The kills may be cannon but revenge is sweet. 16-Sep-2020
Below Deck: Mediterranean (2016-)
Male money devised a rich plan to swipe female crew. Teach them self-defense and let them win. Hysterical.
Aesha missed "normal" people.
Chef Nasty Fucker lost it over some fresh dick sponges that didn't arrive in time. 14-Sep-2020
The snow sifter moved the boat all by herself and saved two lives. Lots of energy. She saved a charter that confused her high legs with her sea legs and a comrade that floats. A charter concocted a clever way to call her friend a fat fuck. She only apologized after hot daddy snapped her neck back into place. Chef served no legs but bounteous food. I wished it had been the other way around. A sense of draining exhaustion hit pretty Jesus when his ex reached out. I saw his dik shrink during his Shakespearean outbursts and disappear when his rocket sat next to him. It's ok rocket, his next girlfriend is going to fuck the pretty right out him. 31-Aug-2020
Post Hannah all is a celebration of what I term "cute." Romance rides the waves to titanic (disaster,) dancers make it back onboard (fear), fuckers got trained to listen (men,) guests returned to sliming (sex,) all because Hanna no longer breathes the same air. I miss being depressed with Hannah...and Kiko. 25-Aug-2020
Captain got "Ellen" on Hannah.
Hannah was lawfully hoisted.
Malia kept lawfully exonerating herself, for the cameras. (Boat snatching is a job requisite.)
A charter who wanted to make Bugs a bunny brought a 32" dildo onboard for the crew to connect with and for Bugs to twirl. They missed a golden opportunity by not introducing it to the captain. The dildo wasn't as offensive as the person who needed it and used it.
Complicit Chef leggy suffers from prissy imperfection anxiety. Shells on a shell plate is a no no. White people don't chew. It's suck, swallow. No wonder Malia needs control of the boat. 17-Aug-2020
New sweet gams squish.
Malia commandeered the entire boat but mostly Hannah, so she can have squishy time with her boyfriend. A deed that would end up in court if a man lead the charge.
Why is Adam allowed worst sexual innuendo etiquette than dickhand? Where's dickhand? 11-Aug-2020
90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? (2016-)
Kalani & Asuelu. Asuelu's family is a condition of suffering and bullshit that Kalani and her children don't need to burden themselves with. Elizabeth & Andrei. He's a monster you greedily fuck but never stare deep at. The wedding was mafia orchestration with lots of pork for meaty man ass and aggressive bulges. Sweet daddy footed the bill and big brother spat indignation. Paul & Karine. I finally understand why he took Karine to the shit chocolate waste factory. He wanted to show her that the worst places in America are still better than her hometown. What a dik. Colt sounds and looks like Octus from Sym-Bionic Titan, has the etiquette of an unwanted hand slider and creepy as fuck. His contempt and desire for women bulldozes their goals. Mother is the beast he can't slay so every woman is fodder. Larissa & Eric. Larissa was knocked out under plastic so Eric enacted a silly skit where it appeared he waited hours (7 mins. tops) but it was just an excuse to watch him pace back and forth. It was all fake worry and new booby play anticipation. Without the charms of Larissa to entertain us the cameraman oddly opted to focus on Eric's sloppy, puffed out and squishy ass print. 14-Sep-2020
Trolls World Tour (2020)
Stomach ache candy and toxic individuality. It's B.C. and origin celebration that children can't apply to this generation. We descend from pods and no longer recognize individuality. You can try but the color will be swiped out of your candy. Its message is barbaric but its delight and bewitchery force us to "suck it." 13-Sep-2020
Star 80 (1983)
The tragedy of beauty versus beast. The purpose of beauty is to inspire us. If it touches you, you are beautiful in return. It's that perfect thing that exists like a God smack to the earth. The men want to devour it, the women prefer to absorb it and forget it but the younglings want to marry it at first sight. The sculptor who attempts to shape it, before full bloom, will burn his hands on the coffin he molds around it to keep it safe. A woman will always wake up. Beauty belongs to the world not encapsulated by a man who thinks he's just as beautiful because he licensed it. Fosse snips from Citizen Kane and gives it the hutzpah the classic lacked. Fosse's mastery is beauty, movement, thrill and dash. Eric Roberts gets inside our heads and makes us understand that hot greasy ass motherfucking psycho crooked legged cowboys with great hair have feelings. Fosse resoundingly echos him. Mariel Hemingway is neither thunder or lightning. She is a cloud of beauty that doesn't need announcement. Mariel's innocence allows the tragedy to happen and unfold. It has an ending Tarantino wouldn't touch and the original footage is brutal, salacious and true. Absolutely psycho. 12-Sep-2020
Strange But True (2019)
Boy meets girl, prom virginity loss ensues, dream boy dies and, five years later, the girl is pregnant with his child. The drama is about the reveal and it rolls heavily towards it. There are flaws aplenty. I didn't understand why mama needed to go to the library to get information that seemed readily available on the internet and why they were hesitant to call 911 after evidence deemed it an emergency but the cliches are overwhelmed by mood, taste and bite. Blythe Danner is best actress support, Brian Cox succeeds in being someone else, Margaret Qualley emitted Emma Roberts realness plus hippie control, Allegra Fulton added some magic, Nick Robinson is a twink of the force and Kinnear smashed golden ass. The cast was great and the ending is all. 08-Sep-2020
90 Day Fiance: The Other Way (2019-)
With one little tap, Jihoon expressed to Deavan's brat what he would do to her if the cameras weren't around. Armando celebrated the unity of his newfound gay family. They are protective and supportive of him for as long as father and American hypocrisy allows. Brittany's fame whoredom is deadly. Why can Yazan's family find Brittany nasty pics but not her marriage license? If Sumit doesn't need family permission to fuck, he doesn't need them to get married. Fuck off. 01-Sep-2020
Jihoon's family presented very well. Grandmother was especially open. Korean mother taught her "idiot daughter in-law" how to make a feast for a family celebration (they bring money.) Deavan challenged the cook but Korean mother laughed and sliced her way through the conversation and discontinued the lesson.
Worshipping family hierarchy and the religion it boasts does not enrich the lives of their country or its people. It just keeps them chained together in misery.
Mother/daughter splintered Jihoon's ears after he was incapable of saving Deavan's brat. A woman cannot shuck her responsibility because there is a man present. Considering modern woman can do "everything," loafing all day and critiquing how a man should perform should allow her enough time to look after her own kids. Mama Korean kept checking on baby Jihoon to make sure he wasn't crying and to make sure her powders were working.
Daddy business proposal and his ilk harangued Armando on flaming out to his parents about engagements and public displays of affections. Armando seemed incapable of catching his breath while they piled the same questions, over and over. Sorry old man. You're in foreign country, problem solving is a difficult application, white privileged assholes disappear all the time and you want to buy some courage?
Brittany. Stop it. Good run but the fifteen are up. Her scenes remind me of Hostel.
Ariela needs a head start. "Run before the sisters bounce all over you." 18-Aug-2020
Armando's stimulus check arrived early.
Tim continued his "I don't fuck no more strange pussy" campaign to the chagrin of Melyza's father who wanted him cancelled. Melyza spoke of the importance of parental approval then dismissed it as soon as they didn't agree. The woman just wants to see Tim hurt.
The fabulist was upset because Yazan didn't tell her she had three days to become a muslim or else. The married lady threw a fit, daddy threw his macho out, the parents fitted her ankles for chains and they all lived happily ever after.
Deavan's mother lectured Jihoon on being less of a man. She slugged hugged him after he agreed to do better. He ouched, felt fear and and bored hate right through her. Mama Korean raced home to mix special powders to get rid of that perception. 11-Aug-2020
90 Day Fiance: Couples Tell All (2019)
The word soulmate has been destroyed for me. Why does anyone think that another soul can be connected to you for eternity but not death. Tania is the female empowerment culled from watching too much Nick sitcoms and Jane The Virgin. Syngin needs to squish right out of there before he turns to squash. Anny. He's looting your ass. Mamita tell the grandmother you want a job in porn. Too bad for the cute kid. Juliana & Michael. I hope to see the Lifetime version of how it went down ten years later. Lesbian Ex Killers... Fuck 'em attitude all the way. Emily & Sasha. Girl, he fucked me at the gym. Good luck not reaching for them cookies. Jasmin is so ravenous that she turned Blake's eyes blue. Anna & Mursel. I can't tell if it's genuine but her son Joey isn't opposed to the marriage because he lost control of the household it's because he really thinks something is afoot and mama ignored it. The psychology is outdated. Mike & Natalie. Natalie is calling bullshit on the process by establishing that there is more than one reason to get a green card, she' just being brutally honest about the demands. Nice men always follow bad boys by giving everything but pleasure. Mike & Juliana. Walking on broken glass. Michael & Angela. Angela is the aggressor that will lead you out of danger. Her hopes and dreams are so gigantic that she almost makes it seem possible. She deserves to get herself some. Angela, the buffoons have been cursed. Wink, Wink. Twitch. Kaboom! 30-Aug-2020
90 Day Fiancee (2014-)
S7E10. I understand the fulfillment received when a foreign embodiment decrypts what your own country can't give you...love. It's a trophy denied by the sameness in representation.
Juliana and ex-wife concocted a plan to destroy white daddy privilege. Juliana is smart. Happiness is never having to see white daddy privilege smirk again.
Blake & Jasimine. Dude, I had a relationship with her ex and every time I saw her, I shit my pants. He must like the punishment.
Anna & Mursel. The reason Mursel couldn't marry Anna is because the power in celebration has gone to parents' heads. Her eldest read it.
Robby & Anny. Ok, Anny is a fabulous creature that looks like my first girlfriend. If Robby doesn't provide for her like he promised their are bigger diks with extra bucks that will. Stop sleeping with your kid. You are making it easy for a pedophile to bed him. Would you like to snuggle, young sir?
Emily & Sasha. You can't change a communist. I've tried. Family first.
Tania & Syngin. If I were still a twink and still interested in sex I would enrapt her slave in realistic options and whip his hair back and forth. She is abominable. 29-Aug-2020
S7E3. Stoopid Americans invest on foreign trade hoping for love everlasting. Succeeding at not making their own dreams come true, the Americans construct a turkey pact to allow others into this country so they can destroy them. (We are built on the idea of slavery after all.)
Michael & Juliana. I hope he doesn't manage business the way she manages him.
Emily & Sasha. Emily is his last chance to get to America before his kid does.
Blake & Jasmine. Poor guy.
Anna & Mursel. The cherub and the bee. Anna cannot blame a man for not prioritizing her children. The kids are her responsibility and we live in a world where women make it their choice to matter. Give up the dik or hurt your kids.
Robby & Anny. Fool, get your son a bed! Fuck her. She's not here to play nice. The only way to be fashionable in a poverty stricken country is to provide special services.
Tania & Syngin. Jane acquired an injured bronco with free carpentry and boinking skills. It's your mother's house! She barely wants you there now. She will kick you out as soon that pitbull pops out your belly. She irritates like my sister. 22-Aug-2020
Married At First Sight (2014-)
In order for a woman to sit mightily on her throne, the man she bestows knighthood to must bend at the knee. The effect: with no training or heroes to emulate the men choose to cease and desist (they aint fucking.) The opportunistic molester will always grab and persist but the rest of the men are scared.
Woody does not want to be married to a "warrior woman." Karen is still not attracted to her wife. Tree banger lives in a tiny house and banger wife lives in a tree. Olivia declared that travel is the key to human preeminence. Yes, because that instantaneous joy that recedes upon return will sustain a person during "starvation days." (Maybe if she fucked her husband - before someone else does - it would feel like a trip.) Does the bird really live in a bird house? 26-Aug-2020
The mermaid nosedived as the bird perched steadily on a board in the water. The mermaid tried to fry-cook another wife's bird.
Brett is such a horny man he can fuck his wife. She only gets holidays off. Olivia can expect a future filled with hookers and babies. Brett squirms so much I saw his toilet face. Olivia spoke about her constant need to stay in touch with friends and family. Brett reaches to no one, not mother (esp. not her,) not anyone, except maybe his cat. His reaction to her insistence was a fuck-off to her friends and family followed by a villain grin for the camera. He spent too much time talking to pussy and not real people.
Somebody stepped on piss, all week.
Karen could not accept her husband's mental illness. She had such a perfect childhood. No trauma that would make anyone protest on any street. It's not manly. Only girls and sissies get it. She didn't sign up to marry a woman. When she grouped with the wives, she started slashing into her new "wife" but Banger wife stepped in and interrupted. Lady diva worries too much. The beast will come out as soon as she makes him depressed.
The Bangers. The wife needs to comb her hair as many times as she flosses.
The group session was awkward for the men and resentful for the women. The white husbands squirmed in unison when asked to mathematize their relationships. 19-Aug-2020
I pictured Brett saying "that fucking bitch" before and after every sentence. "I loved that fucking bitch. That fucking bitch cheated on me. I forgave that fucking bitch. That fucking bitch cheated on me again. I hate that fucking bitch. I'm so lucky to be married."
Calling your wife a cougar is just a polite invitation to a bedroom dinner. Karen complained that 10 monogamous relationships was too much for a 26 year old man. I've had ten relationships in one month. No need to worry. It means he meets the demand for 11 women.
Woody's fingers shrunk in the pool as well as some thing in the shower, later. Woody also thought it was cute that the Banger tree swam with his junk out in front of Amani. Weird is the new sex offender.
The mermaid princess hawked her bird into deep waters, environmental waste and wobbly streets. He failed at all of it. When he literally flapped his arms, it made my day. 13-Aug-2020
The mermaid is a pisser and the bird continues to flap involuntarily and very quietly.
The bangers and their respective families are competing to weird us out.
If Brett's face and body moved according to the sound of his voice, I'd believe everything he says.
Woody's mask is hiding the devil inside. 06-Aug-2020
The show has outlined relations for the future.
What a man thinks when he meets a prospective woman:
"Can I fuck her?"
"Will she fuck me?"
Amelia & Bennett. The theory bangers. When the bride spoke with groom besties I envisioned a spontaneous and loving future group dinner. Bennett is a vegan and likes female hairy armpit. I hope she's crispy.
Amani & Woody. His Sammy persona tears. Too much spunk. I thought Amani daddies were a gay couple. Brute gave that boy a death grip. Amani swung her umbrella and his with ease and joy.
Olivia & Brett. He has Dracula Wives for besties and he lost the mojo to an unzip.
Christina & Henry. The shallow mermaid and that bird she's always hanging around with. It's a show for her to put on and him to swallow. Henry's father proclaimed himself eligible for PFLAG by stating that his son is being the sissy boy the present needs him to be. The rest of the family outed him further during their toasts. They pick on everyone. She'll get used to it.
Karen & Miles. Thunder and lightning. What he wants from marriage is a family to lead. When she made him rub her feet he felt so last century. 29-Jul-2020
Conversion therapy for bubble-raised souls. The neighbors smile when you don't and hammer shit in you, when you won't. If you don't belong, they break you til you do. I wanted to scream for the protagonist but HOA/Social Media bills were past due. The first pumped me up, the last deflated me a bit but the whole was encouraging. 23-Aug-2020
Incident, The (2014)
It's about repetition. People like myself have a tolerance for it. My mother kept me isolated like a special demon child that would wreck havoc onto the world if unleashed so repetition was my savior. I could visit safe lands (suburbs) inhabited by future friends (white people) and foretold accomplishments that never happened. The film is about repetition and it never stops. If the why hadn't kept me posted I would have skipped the nightmare. The clarification made sense, its' the what that didn't. 18-Aug-2020