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You’re Just Not His Tribe: Rejection and the queer community
Getting older and wiser doesn’t mean you’ll face less rejection. In fact I think most of us would agree that you’ll encounter it more.
Take dating, which is primarily a social dance of rejection and attraction amongst the billions of people who’ve inhabited our planet. Technology has had an immeasurable effect on meeting and courting and coupling. At no other time in history has mankind had the ability to browse an infinite pool of potential partners each day, filtered for you by location, hobbies, fetishes, degrees, etc. I could, potentially, use Grindr’s Explore feature to place myself in Tokyo, meet a guy on the app, and be sipping warm saki with him in a week’s time. Were you to tell someone about this ten years ago, they’d side-eye you before looking back at their Blackberry.
On the flip side, dating has never brought about the sheer volume of rejection we currently face. One hundred guys can reject you on Grindr in a day—more, if you’re tenacious. Mythology suggests that the Greek poet Sappho threw herself off of a cliff due to her unrequited love for a ferryman named Phaon. Imagine if she’d been rejected one hundred times in a day? There aren’t enough cliffs in the world.
You’re Just Not His Tribe: Rejection and the queer community
’90 Day Fiancé’: Vanessa’s Ex Calls Colt ‘a Total Scumbag,’ Details How She Cheated on Him With the Reality Star
Colt’s friendship with Vanessa was a huge point of contention in his relationship with Jess during the last season of 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After? It caused several fights and, ultimately, pushed Jess to break up with Colt for good.
Colt finally admitted that he’d cheated on both Larissa and Jess with Vanessa. During the tell-all, he said he’d emotionally cheated on Larissa with Vanessa and that he slept with her while he was with Jess.
After the tell-all, Vanessa’s ex, True Lamaun, was interviewed by 90 Day Fiancé blogger John Yates to share his side of the story.
True says he knew Vanessa would speak regularly with Colt but he thought he was just a “buddy.” But as time went on, Vanessa and Colt started to spend more and more time together, including intimate lunches and road trips.
90 Day Fiancé’: Vanessa’s Ex Calls Colt ‘a Total Scumbag
‘On the DL’: The sexual politics of sleeping with closeted guys
Mid-way through I found out that I was the fourth guy he had ever kissed, the third guy he’d ever blown, and the second person he’d ever done anal with. The first was his ex-girlfriend who, fun fact, I did a science project with in elementary school. Small world. When I fingered him, I realized he hadn’t douched, and that he didn’t even know what that was. To be honest, it wasn’t as much of a fingering as it was a light Tinder-swipe. After making him shower, thoroughly, we had a blissful fifteen minutes of fun. He provided me with a warm towel after he accidentally came in my eye.
‘On the DL’: The sexual politics of sleeping with closeted guys
Schoolboy ‘murdered date for being transgender’ – then smirked during court appearance
A schoolboy murdered a woman he went home with after she told him she was transgender – then smirked during a court appearance, it is claimed. Orlando
Perez, 18, was seen grinning and trying to speak during a court hearing Tuesday, two days after he allegedly shot Selena Reyes-Hernandez, 37, dead at her home in Chicago. His public defender stopped him from talking.
Perez reportedly met Reyes-Hernandez for the first time shortly before her murder, with surveillance cameras showing the pair walking to her apartment.
Once there, Perez asked his date and ‘if she was a girl,’ it is claimed. When Reyes-Hernandez shared her gender identity, Perez said he had to leave, according to a video interview recorded by investigators. Surveillance footage showed him leaving the apartment, then returning around 10 minutes later with a dark face covering. He is said to have been filmed taking out a handgun and racking its slide.
Police investigating the horrific murder of Dominique Rem’mie Fells, a Black trans woman left dismembered in a river, find weapon in suspect’s home
Elite Star Omar Ayuso Went Instagram Official With His Boyfriend
Omar Ayuso, star of Elite and our newly crowned thirst trap king, has made his relationship with his boyfriend Instagram official!
97-year-old gay war veteran robbed and assaulted after helping attacker
On Monday (18 May), Rupert Starr – known to his friends as ‘Twink’ – was out for a walk on Neil Avenue in Columbus’ Victorian Village when a stranger approached him and asked for money.
According to Sergeant James Fuqua from the Columbus Division of Police, Starr – in an act of kindness – “decided to give this man a dollar to help this person during this crisis. He felt it would be appropriate to help him.”
Truck painted with “OPEN OUR GYMS F****T” cruises Colorado to protest safer-at-home order
Customer calls sassy Costco employee a “pussy little bitch” when asked to wear a mask
White Supremacists Deface Pulse Mural at Orlando LGBTQ+ Center
Queer People See More Harassment in Dating Apps Than Straights
Coronavirus crime worries are making New Yorkers want guns
With thousands of cops out sick, cocky criminals on the loose, and people running out of money for food and rent because of COVID-19, the Rosario sisters of Staten Island want to arm themselves for what they fear could be a coming crime surge.
Online Child Abuse Complaints Surpass 4 Million In April. This Is How Cops Are Coping Despite COVID-19.
Closeted trans youth chased home, naked and bleeding, after being stripped, handcuffed, raped and robbed by his date
Mexico: 2 men arrested in strangling deaths of sister nurses
Transgender inmates have carried out seven sex attacks on women in jail: Despite the risks, male-born trans convicts are still allowed to move into women's prisons
Death penalty sought in Montana child torture, slaying case
YOUTUBER FACES 12 YEARS IN PRISON FOR 'PRANK' OF GIVING BOXES OF TRASH DISGUISED AS FOOD TO TRANSGENDER WOMEN
COVID-19 pandemic contributing to Winnipeg’s violent crime: U of W prof
3rd man charged in wounding of NJ state police detective
Danny Pearce death: Man charged with murder after fatal stabbing of young father in Greenwich in 2017
Seven high-risk sex offenders — 'the most dangerous kind of criminal' — released early in California over coronavirus
The Orange County District Attorney's Office warned residents that seven high-risk sex offenders have been released months early as part of the efforts in California to slow the spread of the coronavirus in jails, KCBS-TV reported.
"These kinds of high-risk sex offenders are the most dangerous kind of criminal and the most likely to re-offend," Orange County District Attorney Todd Spitzer said in a news release. "They are doing everything they can to avoid detection by the parole officers assigned to monitor them so they can potentially commit additional sex offenses. These are not the kind of people who should be getting a break."
The sex offenders — convicted of crimes ranging from indecent exposure and sexual battery to child molestation — were released beginning April 7, many of them spending just days behind bars instead of the six months required by law for registered sex offenders who violate parole by removing or disabling GPS monitors.
"It is not the Court's responsibility to control the jail population by releasing these dangerous criminals back into our communities," Spitzer said. "The residents of Orange County deserve to have the peace of mind that registered sex offenders are being held accountable and not just let out the front door of a jail by a court commissioner who refuses to follow the law."
A cult leader held ex-gay torture sessions in her home. A former follower came back with a gun.
Indiana postal worker may have been fatally shot over delayed stimulus check
Heavily tattooed Florida man allegedly abducted, drugged, beat woman in camper
Ariz. Mom Was Seen 'Screaming for Help' Before Being Found Dead — as 4 Women Are Arrested
'Tragic Beyond Words': Texas Mom Allegedly Murders Her Children After Losing Custody, Then Kills Herself
Man left with fractured face in ‘transphobic or homophobic’ London tube attack
Man Thought He Was Arranging A Casual Hookup, But Ended Up Being Shot By Woman And Her Boyfriend, Cops Say
Ex-NFL Linebacker Telvin Smith Accused Of Having Sex With Underage Girl
Teen Pleads Guilty to Manslaughter in Frederick Fair Attack
Dear How To Do It,
Dear How to Do It,
I am a middle-aged gay man who has always been socially awkward and shy. I have struggled my entire life with dating, always diving into a relationship with pretty much anyone who showed any interest in me at all whether I was really attracted or compatible with them or not. This, of course, has not worked out. As I have aged, my self-esteem has deteriorated as well, especially with health issues.
My question is in regard to my workaround. Ever since I was first discovering my attraction to other men in my early teens and 20s, I have actively looked to pay straight men for the chance to have sex with them. What this has usually amounted to was me paying them cash to give them oral sex. It’s not something that I’m proud of, but it has really been the only consistent way that I’ve ever been able to have the sex that I desire and need. All of the guys that I have had these experiences with have been guys who were completely out of my league. I’ve simply accepted that this is how I can have sex.
Recently, I spoke to one of my acquaintances about this during a long night of conversation we were both having while self-isolated for the current virus situation. She was appalled at me and told me that this was unhealthy for me and exploitative for the guys I deal with. The conversation ended on a frustrating, hostile note on her part. I’m just trying to get some impartial reactions or advice on this long-standing practice. Am I being unfair to myself and others getting the sex I need? I’ve never tried to force anyone to have sex with me, just offered them financial incentives to do so.
Dearly Beloved, I Miss His Big Dick Energy (But Not His Big Dick)
I’m 24 and I’m from the suburbs outside of NYC and I’m in love with this guy from some “West Bubble Fuck” area in New Jersey. He’s 29 and has his life somewhat together; however, I can’t trust him. We went out for a few months and I had the best time of my life with him, but my asshole wasn’t happy with his dick size.
Well, his dick is like ten inches long, very thick and I’m just not trying to have a gaping asshole.
The times when I’ve taken enough muscle relaxers, the sex was great, especially the time that we were fucking on the balcony of our hotel suite — that was definitely porn scene material.
Haha. Anyway, after a while having sex with him just became unbearable and I couldn’t manage. He wants to have sex spontaneously and would randomly pull over asking if we could fuck in the car right now. However, having sex with him for me has to be planned so that I won’t feel uncomfortable, but he hated that.
One day I was going through his phone and I saw that he was messaging other guys and meeting up for sex, so I broke up with him.
Time after time, he would hit me up saying he misses me and blah blah, but the truth is that I miss him, too, and not for his dick.
A year later we met up in Manhattan and we hung out, it was clear that he’s been to the gay bars there a lot because a lot of cheap skanks kept coming up to him and left when they saw me with him. The bar scene in NYC was new to me since I never really cared to go before; however, I did learn that I should never wear anything designer to the Ritz again. I even lost my Louis Vuitton bracelet there, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was even stolen.
Anyway, he wants to get back together now, but I think it’s pointless because I can’t handle his dick but I still have feelings for him. What should I do? Please help me…
Oyster Bay Hunty
US medical chief has some sage advice for anyone even thinking about a Grindr hook-up during the coronavirus crisis
A leading medical chief has offered important advice to any LGBT+ people considering hooking up on Grindr during the coronavirus pandemic.
I asked 25 ‘Hot Guy’ Instagram pages why there were no men of colour. Here’s what happened…
Why are so many of these ‘Hot Guy’ Instagram feeds that are not only all white but all cisgender and all buff? What does it say about standards of beauty in the gay community?
As so often happens, a friend forwarded me a picture of your typical hot, white, cisgender, muscled, light-eyed Instagram hunk featured on a ‘Hot Guys’ page. As I scrolled down, I was reminded of #HoscosGate: a sea of beautiful, stunning white men, clearly targeted towards gay men. There were no BAME men that I could see, and I scrolled as far back as 2017. I reached out to the page, with a polite, “Hi There [name of page] great page, I have a question, I hope you don’t mind. Why do you not post pictures featuring men of colour?” I was blocked. I sent variations of that message to 25 Instagram pages, and all either replied or blocked me. There were two consistent replies: the first being that guys pay to be featured; the second that men of colour ‘do not like to be featured’. When pressed on that I was told that ‘they don’t want to be on gay pages’.
Lesbian teen murdered after being viciously stabbed 13 times on Human Rights Day
A South African lesbian teen was stabbed 13 times to death and her friend gravely injured by three men Saturday in an attack that has stunned the country, occurring on Human Rights Day.
As swathes of South Africa celebrated the establishment of the Human Rights Commission, Liyabona Mabishi, 16, was fighting for her life, Daily Voice reported.
Murderer who stabbed his teen Grindr hook-up more than 100 times had ‘sinister’ chats with four other men
Gay Guys With Small Penises Share Their Hookup Horror Stories
“Are you hung/XL”?
If you’re a queer guy, chances are that question has shaped a good chunk of your Grindr experience. Sure, it’s a casually posed enquiry. But the question reinforces the stigma surrounding penis size – particularly in male-male hook-up culture – that drives many men to feel ashamed, embarrassed or undesirable.
When it comes to penis size in male-male hook up culture, individuals can end up afraid of dating, put off sexual activity and in some cases abstain from sex altogether to remove themselves from the risk of being shamed, or feeling shamed. Yet, penis size-shaming continues to be broadly presented as a joke in popular culture, as this recent Guardian article surmised so well.
So in the interest of smashing the stigma and humanising the situation, here are four men with smaller penises who have told VICE the reality of their experience, and how it feels to be discriminated against.
“I asked if everything was OK, and my hookup said: ‘Only men with big cocks can fuck me’”