Movies Posts Tagged as 'Art Devoid'
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Blue Beetle (2023)

The pace had no time to set-up character appreciation, it had a billion particles to settle. The family dynamic was food, drink, celebration and insanity. George Lopez added comedy schtick to his act. He looked like a character booted from Bedrock because he was too loud and ornery. The breast queen should be playing Lady MacBeth not becoming a free TV actor. I can see her washing blood from her hands and implementing Elvira's cleavage cut. The rest of the family and the leads apply stereotypes without explaining them. There is no such thing as a stereotype because it's only a description of our heritage. Universal speak. Nobody passed the classic TV Q test and the silliness hardly stopped. The best of the mythology turned into a fiesta. The family went everywhere together. Really? When did they masturbate? Why did the family get superpowers? Beetle's nemesis was a bigger and badder version of himself. Couldn't we have gotten something a little different? If the production wanted to fill the female quota, why didn't they concoct some awesome female villains? He has lots and no villain is scarier than a latin woman scorned. She'll slash your tires. 27-Nov-2023
Flash, The (2023)

It failed because the lead was an inhumane dick that played it cute. Michael Keaton's Batman was a CGI hillbilly that bored us to death. We can't accept a punk rock Supergirl until we tire of blondes. Fortune will come as soon as the audience forgets who these fuckers were. 29-Sep-2023
80 For Brady (2023)

How elderly women become empowered by idolizing a hot man's physical accomplishment. Wow, maybe football really is gay. 26-Jul-2023
F4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer (2007)

I'm not sure but I think they neutered the Silver Surfer. I remember having seen the film during it's time and I noticed one. I don't forget crotches. The whole feels cheaper. Johnny lost his appeal and became vapid. Sue Storm continued to be listless and unheroic with a crappy blonde wig. Kerry Washington's blind brick lover was under-appreciated. The Thing was sort of plastic. Mr. Fantastic's powers were mostly comic relief and unbelievable. When Torch gains extra powers, it's fun but when "you know who" returns as Dr. Doom all is gloom. Galactus was a no-show because nobody knew how to incorporate a bigger thing than god into the real world. Really? A Galactus that was bigger than Thanos sitting on a throne commanding his slave, Silver Surfer, to destroy so he could feed, is brilliant. 17-Jul-2023
Evil Dead Rise (2023) 

Dickless entry in the Evil Dead series. I fell asleep midway through but saw enough of it not to regret it. 16-Jul-2023
Run Rabbit Run (2023)

I was in as soon as I witnessed Shiv being sarcastic to a saucy child. I was out when the mystery couldn't sustain itself and it lavished us with endless finales. It wouldn't end. After the first finale, the predictions come quick, the heart slows and wtf? It's a long way around to prove mother is an asshole. 02-Jul-2023
Shazam! Fury Of The Gods (2023)

A Saturday morning kiddie show that plays after the popular ones have aired and kids watch whilst having lunch. It can't shake off the silliness so it embraced it. Bad mistake. It only works if it's funny. Some of the writers asked their children what they would like to see and the parents yucked it up. Elegant ladies of maturity shouldn't have to wear clunky armor especially if they're witches. The villains are not much of a threat. They just need more "home" visits from the family. Why did they pile on so much ick hair and clothing on Hinsou's god? Zachary Levi. His solution when discomfited is to make a face or a nine year's old gesture. His younger alter ego is a teenager on his way to becoming a man. They work as separate units but not as a whole. They copy nothing from each other. Billy's best friend's storyline had the emotional heft that Shazam's didn't. It doesn't even take us on a fantastical journey. It was a scenic bus ride to Walmart. 07-Jun-2023
Big Daddy (1999)

Asinine logistics applied to fatherdom for laughs and guffaws. Its savior is not logic but cuteness. You can cuddle with any of these people except the Russian character. 05-Apr-2023
Smile (2022)

If you want your black fiancee to dump you, seek comfort with your adorable ex whose a cop and explain to him that you are not mentally ill but cursed. Parker Posey and Hillary Swank's niece pants as much as she talks in the role of a useless psychoanalyst. It avoids the psychic explanation but grants us a hooey mythology. The smile is irrelevant. It's a wink to Joker's laugh gas. The kid's party had me rolling, the mother turning into a drag queen was unexpected but the juju was preposterous. 24-Feb-2023
Jeepers Creepers Reborn (2022)

An abortion would have served it right. Black men are not fanatical about visiting voodoo stores and doing horror cosplay. It brings bad mojo. He would have shat his pants. Is anyone aware that the Creeper is a sexual deviant that kills teenage girls and devours soft boys? He wouldn't give two shits about a girl, especially an old one. A pervert with a penchant for boys made him, the Creeper should be treated as such. 03-Feb-2023
Screaming Skull, The (1958)

Rich woman with psychological problems marries a dried up coochie player in the hopes of finding normalcy and family. Daddy coochie gaslights because he thinks she is incapable of the truth and doesn't want to cause her more anxiety. Her parents drowned because she couldn't save them. Her latest coochie grabber's ex-wife may be haunting her new home. Daddy leaves her home alone a lot. I saw a crappy colorized version that hinted how nice it would have been in color if you separated it by seconds. Marriage is entrapment and not a contract. The only way to prove to yourself that you are not psychologically impaired is to marry. Your partner will legally let you know what's wrong with you. 23-Jan-2023
Menu, The (2022)

The menu didn't serve enough choices and didn't take advantage of it's clientele. Face actor Fiennes was ready to do some really mean things but he ended up depraved and soulless. What makes foodies offensive is not their meal choices but their business dealings? Hong Chau creeped out and overcame ick material. Nicholas Hoult didn't get a chance to swing. Taylor-Joy gave good face but subtle depth. Was John Leguizamo the only latin pimp with taste buds they could think of? He doesn't belong. The horror element is copied from a better script's cliff notes. The actors did not do like Lucy and make us believe they were eating that shit. Hardly anybody ate. Didn't get it, didn't care because I eat to survive. 22-Jan-2023
White Noise (2022)

Spending all your time fearing death is not living. Independent housewives who feel apathy in their routine will take an ick to numb it. Of course, the daughter blames the ick for making mama forgetful. Maybe forgetting is the key. Dumb teenager believing everything they read on the internet and sending pregnant daddy on a mental loop cycle because she lost all common sense. He spends all his time annoying with german babbling, recounting tidbits of Hitler's art and bragging how it was the foundation for his career. It's time he paid more attention to his wife. Were the people the toxic cloud? It's irrelevant. It doesn't land and when it wants to, it spirals and crashes. The weight is on Driver but his character is unsympathetic. That's what happens when you try to cash in on someone else's legend. Gerwig lends nothing to a nothing woman that needed lots of pap smears and mental hospitalization. Except for the ick nagging daughter, all the kids were cutouts. Every time Cheadle approached to philosophize nonentities I wished Thanos would make him disappear. It yada yadas to death and says nothing. 02-Jan-2023
Invitation, The (2022)

A visually appealing cast is wasted on a production team that doesn't know how to stimulate people. It says women are dysfunctional without family. It's forever emptiness like a missing appendage or lost luggage. Half black girls all want to be white. The best man game in town is offering women free stuff. The #1 reason women get into trouble is because they accept free stuff. I spent the first hour wondering if a starving artist would actually wear a nose ring to meet royal snoots. At the end, it didn't matter but it had me tuning in and out, wracking my brain until it got really stoopid and I stayed tuned 100%. 26-Dec-2022
Nope (2022)

The characters are as blanched as photographing black people in the dark. They react but convey no thoughts or feelings. Kaluuya is an all day crank that has no good reason for living and Palmer is an annoyance that is not fully explained. Jordan Peele must have learned his craft on the street because it's nonsense. The big bad is a giant vagina that sucks everything up except condoms and bleeds profusely atop of people's houses like they were absorption pads. 18-Dec-2022