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All Posts Tagged as 'Advice'

Welcome to Errattic! We encourage you to customize the type of information you see here by clicking the Preferences link on the top of this page.

 

Dear Abby: Her pet name for my husband is out of line, but they won’t stop 

 

DEAR ABBY: A young, attractive female co-worker of my husband’s addresses him by his first name ending with “ly” (example: “Georgely”). When I asked how the name was acquired, both of them claimed they didn’t remember.

They know I do not approve, particularly on social media for the world to see.

I consider pet names a term of endearment, to be reserved for one’s significant other. Am I out of line, or are they?

NAME-DROPPING IN WISCONSIN

Dear Abby: Her pet name for my husband is out of line, but they won’t stop

Tags: Advice, Cheating, Horniness, Marriage, Men, Profiling, Relationships, Sex, Threat, Woman's Rights

Filed under: Health/Food

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23-Oct-2020


What It Means When You Have Gay Or Lesbian Sex Dreams 

 

When I was 14, I had a particularly vivid dream about Helen Hunt. I know, just go with me on this.

In the dream, she was teaching me how to play the piano, an instrument I have inexplicably always found to be very sexy (but probably because of that one scene in Pretty Woman). After I'd performed well, she leaned over and gave me a kiss.

My mom, being of sound mind and body, rolled her eyes and told me to stop 1) eating so many weird midnight snacks, and 2) worrying about my sexual orientation.

4. Gay or lesbian sex dreams might mean you're pregnant.

What It Means When You Have Gay Or Lesbian Sex Dreams

Tags: Advice, Dreams, LGBTQ, Portrait, Relationships, Release, Sex, Sex Identity

Filed under: Health/Food

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23-Oct-2020


When Are Babies Scared Of Strangers? Experts Weigh In 
 

Some folks just can't help themselves. If they see a baby, it's like they must make faces at them, wave to them, or just say hi before they burst. (It's me. I'm some folks.) Sometimes this goes well. Other times the baby is terrified. But when are babies scared of strangers? I would like to know so I don't cause a meltdown by waving to a baby who is just minding their own business.

When Are Babies Scared Of Strangers? Experts Weigh In

Tags: Advice, Children, Choices, Etiquette, Family, Fear, Health, Men, Mental Health, Parenting, Safety, Training, Vulnerable

Filed under: Health/Food

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20-Oct-2020


My Partner Thinks I’m a Monster for Getting My Building’s Maintenance Workers Fired 

 

I live in a huge apartment complex with about 500 tenants. I happen to live on the back side of the complex, with a window facing the dumpster in the alleyway. Many of the maintenance workers hang out in that alley when they’re not working. I’ve been working from home for six months now, meaning I spend way more time overhearing their conversations than I used to. They probably spend three to four hours a day just shooting the breeze. They laugh loudly, speak at a way higher volume than necessary, and tell an endless number of sexist jokes in Spanish (I speak Spanish fluently so I can understand every word). I hate having to listen to sexist vitriol for literally hours every day. I’ve tried headphones and a white noise machine but neither block out the sound.

I finally gave up and emailed management. Three of the guys were fired. They have been replaced with workers who spend significantly less time joking and hanging out in the back alley. I view this as a win: I don’t have to be subjected to this for hours every day, and the guys learned a valuable lesson about not going on sexist rants at work. My partner, on the other hand, is angry at me. They say I should’ve just talked to the men myself (which seems naïve, considering they clearly hate women) or, in my email to the complex, asked for the men not to be fired. I disagree. All I did was speak up about an issue that affected me—it’s not my responsibility how the complex chooses to handle it. My partner is basically saying I’m a monster for getting blue-collar workers fired. We cannot seem to move past this issue. Did I do the right thing? What can I do now to get my partner and I past this difference of opinion?

—Not Sorry They’re Gone

My Partner Thinks I’m a Monster for Getting My Building’s Maintenance Workers Fired

Tags: Advice, Backlash, Complaint, Effect, Employment, Etiquette, Interference, Mental Health, Racial Tension, Relationships, Struggling

Filed under: Health/Food

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17-Oct-2020


Is it a red flag that the teacher I’m dating has classroom sexual fantasies? 

 

Dear How to Do It,

Given the extended period of physical distancing we’ve been experiencing, I have begun to explore online dating. Particularly, I have been looking for someone who both shares my sexual interests and is a good human being overall for the possibility of a long(er)-term relationship.

While I feel like I might have found this person recently, the fact that they are a high school teacher and have a strong interest in role-playing student-teacher and my own dating history make me wonder if this kink is a healthy outlet for someone in their position or a foreshadowing or indicator of something more sinister. While I do not want to rule out someone for “pre-crime” or “thought crime,” I also want to make sure that our sexual liaisons do not in any way contribute to their venturing (or furthering) into unethical and destructive—not to mention illegal—territory. Given your professional experience and your access to experts, I am eager to hear your input on my situation.

—Teacher’s Pet

Is it a red flag that the teacher I’m dating has classroom sexual fantasies?

Tags: Advice, Children, Choices, Confusion, Dating, Fantasy, Fear, Fetish, Pederast, Safety, Sex, Students, Teacher

Filed under: Health/Food

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13-Oct-2020


Why Lucille Ball’s Daughter Tells Aspiring Actors To Find a Different Profession–’Make Sure You Get a Porno Tape Out There’ 

 

Show business has changed quite a but since I Love Lucy was on the air. Lucille Ball and her daughter, Lucie Arnaz, experienced two very different versions of Hollywood. And as Arnaz reflects on the industry today, she doesn’t like what she sees. That’s why she tells aspiring actors to “change your mind” when they ask her for advice on breaking into show business.

When Arnaz was interviewed by the Television Academy Foundation in 2016, she was asked what advice she had for aspiring actresses. First, she says she’d try to convince them to find a different career.

“I think this business has changed so dramatically. I would not recommend anybody going into it. There are half as many parts as there were when we were growing up,” she said.

Arnaz notes that the rise of reality TV has to do with there being fewer parts for actors.

“There’s all kinds of reality TV now because that’s cheaper for everybody to do. There doesn’t seem to be a difference between a reality star and a star star. So why work so hard? Make sure you get a p*rno tape out there right away. That’ll help,” she said sarcastically. “I mean, as you can see, I’m a little, just–I’m baffled by the business at present.”

Why Lucille Ball’s Daughter Tells Aspiring Actors To Find a Different Profession

Tags: Abuse, Actor, Addiction, Advice, Career, Celebrity, Change, Employment, Entertainment, Environment, History, Hollywood, Humiliation, Misconduct, Misrepresentation, Politics, Safety, Security, Truth

Filed under: Gay+

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10-Oct-2020


Harried and Harangued 

 

My family have known Alex since we were teenagers and point-blank refuse to accept her as a woman. Alex has kept her original first name, as it’s gender-neutral, so it’s not even as though my parents and sister have had to adjust to learning a new name. They just won’t consider it. They refer to her as my “boyfriend” and have made comments about how glad they are that I’ve “finally grown out of my lesbian phase.” This is starting to eat away at my sense of identity. I was never attracted to Alex before her transition or to men in general. But my sister has argued with me that, since I’ve known Alex “since she was a boy,” I’ve obviously been in denial about my feelings toward her and must have been attracted to a guy all this time. My parents have repeated similar theories, and it’s getting to me. I’ve already started cutting them off on the phone every time they refer to my “boyfriend” or are rude to Alex on Zoom, but their constant speculation about my sexuality is gnawing at me. I took a long time accepting my lesbian identity. Does my relationship with Alex undermine that, or is that just transphobic thinking getting to me? How do I shut my parents down permanently on these horrible comments?


—Harried and Harangued

Harried and Harangued

Tags: Advice, Etiquette, Family, LGBTQ, Parental Burden, Politics, Sex, Sex Identity, Sexual Harassment, Trans

Filed under: Health/Food

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10-Oct-2020


Dear Annie: I’m tired of our teen’s lack of respect and my wife always taking his side 

 

Dear Annie: I love my wife. We’ve been married for 11 years, but recently, she hasn’t been taking my side with anything involving our 14-year-old son. She tells me that I am overreacting or being stubborn. OK, I know I can be stubborn, but I firmly believe a child should show respect to his parents. Right now, my problem is that I can’t do a thing in my own house without asking permission from the 14-year-old.

Say someone calls and he asks me, “Who are you talking to?” Or, if I go outside, he asks, “Where are you going?” When I tell him that I’m the adult, that I don’t answer to him, he replies that his mother gets onto me for getting onto him, so I just need to tell him everything. And if I get onto him and yell because I’ve told him over and over not to do something, then I’m the bad guy because I lost my temper.

I’m just tired of being ignored and disrespected all the time. Anyway, I try to talk to my wife about showing a united front in front of our son, but since he isn’t biologically mine -- I just adopted him -- she tells me that she won’t because I’m wrong all the time. What should I do? -- Frustrated and Tired Dad and Husband

Dear Annie: I’m tired of our teen’s lack of respect and my wife always taking his side

Tags: Advice, Children, Choices, Exclusivity, Family, Inclusion, Parental Burden, Respect, Treatment, Women In Charge

Filed under: Health/Food

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05-Oct-2020


Q. Interfaith in Ithaca: 

 

My wife and I (we’re both women) are in an interfaith marriage. I’m a member of a tiny religious minority and my wife is an atheist. Before we got married, we agreed we’d raise our kids in my religion—monthly religious service attendance, religious summer camp, etc.—and then let them choose whether to pursue the religion when they turn 18 and move out. My parents were much more prescriptive with me and I ended up rebelling against it for a long time. It was important to me that our kids make a choice for themselves once they turned 18.

However, my wife is tacitly supportive but pretty much “opts out” whenever she can. She works long hours and basically never wants to come to our religious service because she wants to catch up on sleep. I end up taking the kids by myself. My kids are teens and, seeing my wife opt out, are wondering why they can’t opt out either—which is super valid. My parents always warned me I shouldn’t marry outside the faith so I can’t talk to them about this, because all I’ll get is an “I told you so.” I can’t make my wife a role model for a religion she doesn’t believe in, but it’s incredibly important that my kids have a strong religious foundation and then make the choice from there. What should we do?

Q. Interfaith in Ithaca:

Tags: Advice, Children, Choices, Church, Marriage, Relationships, Religion, Woman's Rights

Filed under: Health/Food

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05-Oct-2020


My Wife’s Wild Sexual Past Is Now Haunting Me in More Ways Than One 

 

Dear How to Do It,

I have been married to my wife for almost 20 years. It was a second marriage for both of us. A year into the marriage, I contracted an STD and found out she had it since her teens. At parties with her friends, I started hearing about how promiscuous she had been in her younger years, and I just accepted that it was before me. We have always had a real good sex life and discussed how great it has been, but now, she wants to practically stop having sex. I’m handsome, in great shape, and a very understanding and sensitive lover. She is still beautiful, attractive, and has no serious medical conditions. She explains that she had so much sex in her teens and early 20s that she can take it or leave it. In this case, it’s leaving it, and being the person who married her, I am now starting to pay a price for her early wild times. Is this a common rationale for writing off sex? I’m now convinced this may be a reason not to be so promiscuous in younger years.

—Horny History

My Wife’s Wild Sexual Past Is Now Haunting Me in More Ways Than One

Tell him the truth. He either sucks in bed or she's cheating. (She could also be ill.)

(By the way, I'm one of those unbelievable people that got tired of having sex. Once you work at McDonald's you no longer want to eat there.) 26-Sep-2020

Tags: Advice, Medical, Mental Health, Perception, Relationships, Sex, Termination

Filed under: Health/Food

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26-Sep-2020


I Have a Real-Life WAP, and It’s Ruining My Sex Life 

 

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a fortysomething woman and have been with my partner for about eight years. Though I love him tremendously, our sex life has some struggles. The biggest issue we have is that depending on the time of the month, my vaginal lubrication level can be excessive. So excessive that we have to stop and dry off in order to continue. Sometimes he’ll lose his erection all together because he can’t get traction. To make matters worse, he refuses to perform oral sex because he says he’ll “drown.” I resent this especially because I not only enjoy giving him oral, but have made several concessions to make sex more enjoyable for him including learning to tolerate and eventually enjoy anal sex, which he loves. My partner’s penis is an average size when it’s fully erect, and I very rarely have an issue with climaxing. He, on the other hand only seems to be able to climax in one position, doggy style. No matter how we start, typically with me on top or missionary, we end with me on my knees. I’m open to the idea of double penetration with toys but am not sure where to start or how to bring it up. To be clear, this has never really been an issue in past relationships. I have had men say I’m very wet, but it hasn’t had the same impact on my sex life until now. I’m afraid that if this continues, my resentment regarding oral will get worse, and I fear that I will get bored with always having sex in the same positions. I’ve asked my doctors about the excessive lubrication, but I always get blown off because it is the opposite problem most women my age face, and worse yet, they tell me I should consider myself lucky! Any suggestions?

—WAP

WAP

Tags: Advice, Anatomy, Education, Health, Medical, Nature, Performance, Satisfaction, Sex

Filed under: Health/Food

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24-Sep-2020


We’re Raising Our Daughter Gender-Neutral, but She Only Wants Pink Dresses. Where did we mess up?

 

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband and I have a frequent disagreement on our 3-year-old and her love for dresses and all things pink! For the first two years of her life, she was constantly mistaken for a boy because she wore gender-neutral clothes. We direct her towards books and other media that do not represent traditional gender roles (no sparkle princesses!). We ask friends and family to refrain from commenting on her appearance and clothing, if they can help it, and to instead focus on skills or interests. However, our daughter adores the color pink, insists on wearing dresses, and is currently obsessed with accessories. I am fine with this, though I hope it will be a phase.

After a few battles about wearing her sole pink dress when it was dirty, my daughter and I did some online shopping together and she chose a few more dresses to order (all of them were pink, obviously). My husband is unhappy that I encouraged her obsession by purchasing the dresses and letting her wear some of my old jewelry. He gets annoyed when dresses get tangled while climbing a rock or running and says that dresses and accessories aren’t suitable for doing most things. I appreciate his commitment to raising our daughter without gender stereotypes, but I also want to encourage her to make her own choices. I feel like if we push back too hard on her love for dresses and jewelry, it will backfire, and she will only become more obsessed! Help!

—Pretty Annoyed With Pink

We’re Raising Our Daughter Gender-Neutral, but She Only Wants Pink Dresses. Where did we mess up?

Tags: Advice, Argument, Children, Choices, Fashion, Freedom, Interference, Mental Health, Parental Crime

Filed under: Health/Food

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23-Sep-2020


I’m only 36, and I keep having the same problem with men in bed. 

 

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a 36-year-old single straight woman, and I really didn’t think this was going to be an issue until later in life. I’m a very sexual person (just reading about sex in your column is enough to turn me on) and I’d like to get married one day, but for the past few years, I haven’t even been able to manage halfway decent sex, much less great sex or a relationship. The problem I keep experiencing in the dating world is the same: men with all kinds of erection issues.

The most recent guy could get hard but would lose it after a few thrusts, saying sex doesn’t do it for him these days (he preferred mutual masturbation or blow jobs). Guy No. 2 was good in bed but refused any touching outside of that 20 minutes. Guy No. 3 required 20 minutes of me going down on his flaccid penis before possibly getting hard enough to have intercourse for three minutes (most of the time, he wouldn’t get hard at all). Guy No. 4 hadn’t had sex in years so he’d either come in 30 seconds or he’d stick it in and barely move so he could last five minutes (I could have worked with him sexually, but we broke up for other reasons). Guy No. 5 completely ignored his problem, continuing to thrust even after I told him he was soft (I suspect he had a porn addiction).

The list goes on. I’ve barely had any good sex in the past six years. I don’t know what to do. These guys are all my age or younger. I try to be patient and understanding, asking if there’s something they’d like me to do or offering up a menu of things they might like, but most just shrug awkwardly and avoid talking about it. None of them sound like they’ve made any effort to get help. I get that it can be embarrassing and men might feel ashamed, but these guys keep cropping up in my dating pool. I can orgasm on my own, but I crave and miss sex, and I know I wouldn’t be happy in a relationship without it. So I’m stuck in a lonely, sexually frustrated land and I can’t get out. Any suggestions?

—Elusive Wood

I’m only 36, and I keep having the same problem with men in bed.

Tags: Advice, Anxiety, Dating, Effect, Environment, Evolution, Fear, Health, Intimacy, Men, Mental Health, Performance, Satisfaction, Sex, Women

Filed under: Health/Food

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22-Sep-2020


Am I a “Karen”? 

 

Dear Prudence,

I come from a state where people are generally kind and not very confrontational. I’ve also lived in cities where people are far more gruff and are very boisterous when they think someone is trying to take advantage of them. Because of this, I’ve developed a much thicker skin than most people back home. I’ve been confronting people not wearing their masks correctly in stores (masks are mandatory in my city). It stresses me out so much and has me wondering if I’m being a “Karen.” I ask to speak to managers and write strongly worded letters somewhat frequently. It got to the point recently where I realized I act like the world owes me. I’ve never yelled at a manager over store policy, but I’ve always tried to “get stuff” when things haven’t gone my way. I don’t want to be like this, but I can’t shake the very negative feelings I’ve developed when I feel like I’ve been taken advantage of. I saw so many other people letting people know when they made the smallest mistake. Sometimes people seemed genuinely sorry for what they did or were a bit oblivious. Sometimes they got really hostile. Should I always be trying to make sure that people correct their mistakes, or should I let small things go? Is it a Karen move to always ask people to correct their mistakes?

—Always Disgusted in Tunbridge Wells

Am I a “Karen”?

Tags: Advice, Enforcement, Environment, Fear, Hostility, Judgment, Psychology, Reaction, Society, Symptoms, Women In Charge

Filed under: Health/Food

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19-Sep-2020


How Do I Tell My Curvy Wife About My Secret Desire for a Thin Woman?

 

Dear How to Do It,

My wife and I have been married 14 years and together for 17. We have a pretty strong relationship after a period of stagnation. With raising kids, both of our careers, and all the activities, we found ourselves drained. We have in the last few years refocused on us and our desires and our sex life, intimacy, and our togetherness has grown and reignited.

In this time, my wife has expressed her desire for a kinkier sex life. She kept it to herself all those years (thank you, religion!), her desire for light BDSM (blindfolds, being restrained), and also her desire to be filled and stretched by big dildos. We have explored this. I wasn’t really on board at first, but she was patient with me, and I’ve become accepting of participating and inviting in those things and ideas that give her pleasure. But when it turns back to me, I have one recurring fantasy and I am very reluctant to share it with her. Scared might be a better word. She has always been blessed with a gorgeous body that is beautiful, curvy, and full. I adore her. I adore and crave her body. But I I have this fantasy and curiosity of what it would be like to have sex with a woman who is thin. My wife’s weight limits what we do, position-wise, so she is comfortable. And I am on board with that. We do have fun. But I wonder and fantasize about what it would be like to be more athletic with a partner. To be able to lift her. Or have her on top of me light as a feather. We have had conversations along these lines relating to penis size. She craves the feeling a big dildo gives her, and I’m average. But the last thing I want to do is engage in any form of body shame with her. I love her body. I show her I love her and her body. I also am curious about smaller bodies. What would it be like? We are each other’s only partners.

Do you have any advice for how to explore this together with each other and in a way that is loving and caring for her while also honoring my fantasy? Or with the delicacy of body shame, am I best to keep this one tucked away? With the dildos, I have had to work through shame about my size. It was hard at first. It’s getting easier as we move forward. I see that she enjoys that feeling of the toy and also enjoys me. It isn’t one or the other. She reminds me that she likes what she likes—she likes both. Me and big dildos. I enjoy having sex with her. I’m just curious if there are any creative ways to explore this fantasy with her in a caring way. To be clear, I don’t want to open things up. This is not a backdoor plea to do that. We talked about nonmonogamy as an option for her large dildo/cock desire. She wanted to open up, and I did not. After playing with the toys and role-playing, we concluded monogamy is for us as the toys, plus my presence and care, satisfy her desire to feel full. She asks what I fantasize about and desire. If I’m being honest, this is it—sex with a different-shape body. But sharing this seems very precarious, and I do not want to hurt or shame her in any way.

—Thin Man

How Do I Tell My Curvy Wife About My Secret Desire for a Thin Woman?

Tags: Advice, Boredom, Choices, Marriage, Men, NSFW, Relationships, Satisfaction, Sex, Weight

Filed under: Health/Food

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17-Sep-2020




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