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All Posts Tagged as 'Advice'

Welcome to Errattic! We encourage you to customize the type of information you see here by clicking the Preferences link on the top of this page.

 

Is My Middle Child a Monster? 

 

Dear Therapist,

My husband and I have three terrific kids, ages 6, 4, and 2. Our oldest is cautious, helpful, and precocious. Our youngest is easygoing, affectionate, and goofy. Our middle child is persistent, bold, imaginative, and tenderhearted. Her personality is not as easy as her siblings’, but she’s a great kid. If she makes me want to pull my hair out five times a day, then she makes me laugh, surprises me, or melts my heart 10 times a day.

The problem comes from others. Our elderly next-door neighbor dotes on the oldest and youngest and all but ignores the middle one. More than once, she has asked whether our doctors have diagnosed her with any disorders. I just look at her as if I don’t understand her question. I’ve had others “praise” me for being so patient with our middle child. These kinds of comments make me so angry and sad.

We recently visited my husband’s family, and I grew resentful of the way my in-laws talked about and treated our middle child. Conversations seemed to focus on all the bad things she had done that day, or ever in her life. I’m sensitive that these narratives we tell repeatedly can lock a kid into acting a certain way, especially when she is treated differently by the adults around her. My husband’s parents played favorites with him and his siblings, and one sibling has suffered long-lasting trauma from this, and now has several mental-health issues. The final straw was when our oldest picked up on the comments from the adults, and started joining in the criticism of her younger sister. I scolded my oldest with hopes that the adults around the table would take the message to heart, but I didn’t address their behavior directly. My husband and I have discussed these issues since the visit, but we are both at a loss as to how to improve things.

Is My Middle Child a Monster?

Tags: Advice, Children, Discipline, Environment, Etiquette, Family, Hate, Parental Burden, Preference, Profiling, Unruly Child

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

03-Aug-2020


I’ve Suddenly Noticed My Husband Doesn’t Measure Up 

 

Dear How to Do It,

I have a recurring thought that might turn into a problem. I’m married to a man I adore, and we have an incredible sex life that I wouldn’t change for the world. Passionate, fun, multiple orgasms per session. However, while my body is overjoyed, my mind is struggling. My husband is slightly shorter than average, and his dick is slightly smaller than average as well. This is something I’ve always known and has never impacted our sex life. But I had a friend complaining about a below-average-sized lover, and it got me all in my head. Now when I look at my husband in bed, I can’t not notice that he’s smaller than what society says he should be. I never thought about it before, but it’s making me feel less attracted to him now. I find myself less inclined to give him hand jobs or blow jobs because I don’t want to think about his size. Why am I obsessing over this when I find sex with him so pleasurable? How do I get over this?

—Little Problem

I’ve Suddenly Noticed My Husband Doesn’t Measure Up

Tags: Advice, Anatomy, Fear, Humiliation, Interference, Pride, Relationships, Self Interest, Sex, Treatment, Women In Charge

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

03-Aug-2020


How Do We Tell Our Friends to Leave Their Jerky Kid at Home? 

 

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband and I are friends with a lovely couple. We have many things in common and enjoy hanging out with them. The problem is their kid. They have a son the same age as our younger son and the boys like hanging out with each other. At first that seemed like a great bonus to this friendship. But the longer we’ve been friends, the clearer it has become that their kid is a horrible person—rude, spoiled, insolent, a liar, and frequently downright mean to our kid (although our kid doesn’t seem to care and still wants to hang out with him). The parents do nothing to address his bad behavior. In fact, they coddle him. I know we need to mind our own business and not make comments on their objectively garbage parenting style, but can we distance our kid from theirs? Is it too weird to hang out with the parents and just never bring our own kid along? As a side note, we could leave our son with his older brother; they don’t have any other kids so we don’t really have an “adults only” option.


—Keeping My Mouth Shut Is Hard

How Do We Tell Our Friends to Leave Their Jerky Kid at Home?

Tags: Advice, Breeding, Children, Choices, Etiquette, Lifestyle, Neglect, No more Heroes, Opinion, Options, Parental Burden, Parental Crime, Parental Laziness, Parental Pride, Portrait, Psychology, Relationships, Social Distancing, Treatment, Unruly Child, Women In Charge

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

02-Aug-2020


Straight man worries he’s sexist because he doesn’t care his wife is having an affair with a woman

 

In the letter, the man said he found out about the affair after “months of odd bank transactions, weird absences, and strange smells on her clothes”.

He finally confronted her wife, asking her if she was cheating on him, and she broke down and confessed.

Straight man said he was ‘relieved’ when he found out his wife was having an affair with a woman.
“I was upset until she revealed she was cheating on me with a female co-worker,” the man wrote.

“She apologised profusely and swore that she still loved me and wanted to make our relationship work.

“Oddly, I found myself relieved,” he said.

Straight man worries he’s sexist because he doesn’t care his wife is having an affair with a woman

Tags: Advice, Cheating, Choices, Marriage, Opinion, Sex, Sexism, Women In Charge

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

31-Jul-2020


Masturbating Can Help You Cope With Anxiety — Seriously 

 

Rita M., a 20-year-old social work student living in Seattle, Washington, used to masturbate three to five times a week. But as with everything else, during a global pandemic, self-pleasure has been hard to come by. She's not alone in finding it more difficult to engage in this form of self-care. And yet, the benefits of masturbation may actually come in more handy than ever. Tending to ourselves is one step in navigating a new normal.

“It has been more difficult to be ‘in the mood’ because, in my head, I ask myself, ‘Why is masturbation something I’m thinking about when there’s a pandemic happening in my backyard?’’ Rita tells InStyle. Witnessing enormous struggles and injustices by vulnerable populations dominates my mind. Masturbation gets brushed aside and distress consumes me.”

There's no doubt that coronavirus and it’s ripple-out effects — the obvious fear and worry, the restricted human interaction — have had negative impacts on people’s mental health. Back in March, 45% of Americans reported the virus had taken a toll on their emotional wellbeing, and according to a Kaiser Family Foundation poll, the number of people who are experiencing anxiety and depression has spiked as a result of the pandemic.

InStyle

Tags: Advice, Anxiety, Choices, Coronavirus, Etiquette, Health, Investment, Masturbation, Mental Health, Quarantine, Relationships, Release, Safety, Self-esteem, Sex

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

28-Jul-2020


Help! My Husband’s Been Sending Skeevy Messages About College Girls to His Friends. 

 

Q. Is my husband a perv? I am married and have two kids. Recently I came across a series of text messages between my husband and his buddy. My husband texted a photo from a poster of female college athletes from my daughter’s sport hanging in her bedroom. They then said this athlete, previously discussed to be hot, was “false advertising”—she’s actually more like “Jabba the Hut or a cow.” My husband sent a photo of a college freshman from our daughter’s poster to make up for having sent the ugly photo.

There were many other messages remarking upon waitresses, cashiers, co-workers, etc., which maybe is more normal “guy talk.” But this interaction really disturbed me, especially given that there are high school seniors on my daughter’s team. Also, this is a sport where sexual abuse is rampant.

Additional background info: Yes, I did look at my husband’s phone, but it was after inadvertently learning that he was secretly taking drugs. So while normally investigating is not a cool thing to do, I felt like I had to figure out the extent of the problem to protect my kids. That’s a question for another day!

Slate

Tags: Advice, Parental Burden, Perception, Relationships

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

27-Jul-2020


Why a generation is choosing to be child-free 


 

We are in the middle of a mass extinction, the first caused by a single species. There are 7.8 billion of us, on a planet that scientists estimate can support 1.5 billion humans living as the average US citizen does today. And we know that the biggest contribution any individual living in affluent nations can make is to not have children. According to one study, having one fewer child prevents 58.6 tonnes of carbon emissions every year; compare that with living car-free (2.4 tonnes), avoiding a transatlantic return flight (1.6), or eating a plant-based diet (0.82). Another study said it was almost 20 times more important than any other choice an environmentally minded individual could make. Such claims have been questioned. After all, does a parent really bear the burden of their child’s emissions? Won’t our individual emissions fall as technologies and lifestyles change? Isn’t measuring our individual carbon footprint – a concept popularised by oil and gas multinational BP – giving a free pass to the handful of corporate powers responsible for almost all carbon emissions? The only thing that isn’t up for debate is that we all know that we are living in ways that can’t continue.

Coronavirus isn’t likely to give us coronababies – but a pandemic isn’t the reason that having children has shifted from an inevitability to a choice, and now, a moral question. A long time ago, “Do we have children?” became “Should we?”

The Guardian

Florida now has more coronavirus cases than New York and California leads the nation

My Kids Want to Opt Out of In-Person Instruction This Fall

Palm Springs boy, 7, in coma with ‘hole in skull’ after cruel neighbor randomly hurls a rock at him

‘Monster’ gets 70 years for repeatedly abusing Buffalo woman, son

Tags: Action, Advice, Arrest, Attack, Awareness, Books, Children, Choices, Contamination, Coronavirus, Crime, Death, Education, Environment, Etiquette, Exclusivity, Future, Health, Illness, Injury, Investment, Lifestyle, Lockdown, Mental Health, Parental Burden, Parental Crime, Politics, Population Control, Preference, Pregnancy, Priorities, Sacrifice, Safety, Saving The Environment!, Science, Statistics, Survival, Women In Charge, World

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

25-Jul-2020


7 Consequences of Blaming Others for How We Manage Anger 

 

“If she didn’t say that I wouldn’t have hit her.” “If he didn’t cut me off I would never have chased after him!” “My father is to blame for my problems with anger.”

These are just a few examples of comments I’ve heard over the years, made by individuals who blamed others in order to justify their anger and how they expressed it. In the first, a 32-year-old husband, married for just two years, assaulted his wife while under the influence of alcohol. He hit his wife after she threatened to divorce him and make sure that he would suffer financially. His aggression was a reaction to his anger—rage that masked his feelings of powerlessness, hurt, and anticipated loss. In spite of arguments that had escalated in the previous year, he was unable to honestly acknowledge that he and his wife were incompatible.

In each scenario, these individuals deny their responsibility for their behavior. They portray themselves as powerless in their actions and, often, incapable of change. The details of how they blamed others for their anger is different. However, in each situation, these individuals failed to recognize that their tendency to blame others only strengthened their perceived powerlessness and–in turn– their likelihood of blaming others.

It is one thing to suggest that an event contributed to triggering our anger. It is an entirely different issue to suggest that others are responsible for our feelings, their intensity and how we manage them.

Steps to Reduce Your Tendency to Blame Others

1. Recognize it when it occurs.

2. Reflect on the purpose it serves you. What feelings are you trying to avoid?

3. Cultivate increased self-compassion to recognize that being human involves making mistakes, having flaws and weaknesses.

4 Recognize how your tendency for global thinking contributes to blaming.

5. Look for your contribution to your suffering.

Psychology Today

Tags: Advice, Americans, Awareness, Environment, Etiquette, Politics, Psychology, Survival, Winning

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

23-Jul-2020


My Black Son Sold “N-Word Passes” to His White Friends 

 

Dear Care and Feeding,

Eleven years ago, my husband and I started fostering a sister and brother,“Taylor” and “Martin,” and we adopted them a year later. Our daughter was 5, and our son was an infant, but they are now 16 and 11 and are smart, kind, and mostly well-behaved kids. My husband and I are white, and they are Black, but we’ve done our best to have honest, age-appropriate discussions on race, our privilege, and how messed up the systematic oppression and racism in our country is. I thought we had done an OK job … until yesterday.

Taylor asked us after dinner if she could talk to us in private and showed us screenshots a friend had sent her. Apparently, Martin has been selling “N-word passes” to kids at his middle school for $20-50! It’s been going on for weeks, and he had offered it to Taylor’s friend’s sister, who screenshot it and sent it to Taylor. They go to diverse schools for our area, but there are still a lot of white/non-Black kids there. Taylor told us that kids have been sending Martin money via Venmo, and she thinks he’s made almost $1,000. My husband and I are shocked and angry, and we don’t know what to do. Martin’s actions must have made his fellow Black classmates upset and uncomfortable, and I feel like a horrible mother and person. I thought we did a good job, but we must have done something wrong. We need to give him consequences, but I don’t know how extreme to go. Right now, I’m leaning toward taking away device privileges for a long, long time and confiscating the money. What else can or should we do? How do we confront him about this and apologize and tell other parents?

—Mortified Mom

Slate

Tags: Advice, Children, Choices, Mental Health, Parental Burden, Privilege, Self Interest

Filed under: Gay+

Permalink

15-Jul-2020


I’m a Conservative Woman Who Doesn’t Believe in Casual Sex 

I’m horny constantly.
 

Dear How to Do It,

I am a single conservative woman in her 30s. I became a widow at the age of 30, and since then have only been involved with one other man. I firmly believe that sexual relations should occur only within the bonds of a committed relationship. However, I literally spend hours each day thinking about sex. Can a celibate person have a sex addiction?

—Randy Sandy

Slate

My Husband and My Neighbor Are Bullying Me Into a Threesome

Tags: Advice, Horniness, Medical, Men In Charge, Relationships, Sex, Treatment, Woman's Rights

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

14-Jul-2020


Why I don't have a child: society isn't built for motherhood 

 

I was 31 the last time I got pregnant. And after a lifetime of certainty that I did not want to be a mother, I felt an unexpected thing, cutting through the panic and the nausea: happiness.

Every morning since an intuitive nudge sent me to fetch a pregnancy test from the drugstore, my breasts oddly sore and my stomach in a low-level but constant state of turbulence, I would wake up with the thought: “I can do this. I want to do this.”

By the time I fell asleep at night, I was sure there was no possible way I could do this, this being raising a child on my own.

There has been a lot of hand-wringing about declining birth rates, the lowest in more than 30 years, across all race and class divides. We’re told millennial women “choosing” not to have children will be bad for the economy, it will be bad for the ageing baby boomer population, it will be bad for the real estate market. According to Forbes, it’s bad for older women desperate for grandchildren. But are people actually deciding to delay families, or are they finding themselves in unstable situations where the addition of a child seems unworkable? The reasons given when op-ed writers bother to ask millennials – too much debt, not enough financial security, a romantic market that is as rocky as the job market – point more to the latter.

If everyone makes it into the world safely, things that used to be taken for granted are now scarce resources one might fight and compete for. Vitally important systems like decent childcare, education and healthcare has disappeared, leaving parents to choose between inadequate choices or sacrificing untold amounts of money, time and energy to compete the limited amount of something better.

The Guardian

Mom’s Super Honest Post About Being a Stay-at-Home Parent Goes Viral

'Vile-Mouthed' Son Forced to Apologize After Harassing Supermarket Employees

My Neighbors Keep Sending Their Grandkid Over to Use Our Pool Uninvited

French man accused of molesting 305 Indonesian children

The New Film Exposing Hollywood’s Child-Abuse Epidemic

Drama queen! Hilarious moment girl cries and claims father's hair-brushing hurts - before he has even started

Tags: $, Advice, Arrest, Celebrity, Children, Environment, Film, Health, Hollywood, Humanity, Mental Health, Opportunity, Parental Burden, Politics, Population Control, Punishment, Rape, Representation, Responsibility, Safety, Sex, Social Media, Unruly Child, Video, Violence, Woman's Rights, World

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

11-Jul-2020


Woman considers ending relationship over boyfriend’s ‘ludicrous’ request: 'I am concerned for his sanity' 

 

A 25-year-old woman took to Reddit to seek relationship advice after her boyfriend became obsessed with a “ludicrous” business idea.

In a post written on the subreddit r/relationship_advice, user throwa_souptube explained how her boyfriend won’t stop asking her to invest in his “soup tube” business idea.

‘I couldn’t believe what I was hearing’

“The idea, if you can call it that, is to construct a series of tubes throughout the city that leads to centralized soup kitchens,” she explained. “For a monthly subscription, a customer can ‘subscribe to a tube of soup,’ and a tube extension would be built off the nearest mainline tube and directly into the customer apartment or home.”

Yahoo

I Reported My Friend’s Ex to the FBI

Tags: $, Advice, Business, Choices, Food, Racism, Relationships, Scam

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

09-Jul-2020


Fire Island Parties, Packed With Gay Revelers, Spark Outrage and Worry 

 

Fire Island is under fire for violating social distancing guidelines over the July 4 weekend.

Clips and images of hundreds of maskless, shirtless partygoers packed on beaches and in private homes circulated on social media through influencers like journalist Chris Weidner. The posts sparked backlash and calls for more action from law enforcement.

Advocate

The Fourth of July Weekend Threw America's Coronavirus Failures Into Stark Relief

‘COVID Corey’ apologizes for partying on Fire Island days after coronavirus symptoms

Arizona PR exec and QAnon follower films herself trashing rack of face masks in Target while ranting 'we don't want to do this anymore' and saying 'I'm a blonde, white woman wearing a fucking $40,000 Rolex'

Harvard doctor says the US needs a mandatory mask order across ALL states to combat rise of coronavirus and prevent hospitals from becoming overwhelmed

JWoww Shuts Down 'No Mask' Haters On Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino's Birthday Pics

Expert claims Americans will wear masks for ‘several years’ due to coronavirus

Tags: Advice, Apology, Awareness, Backlash, Contagion, Contamination, Coronavirus, Crime, Desperation, Disruption, Environment, Etiquette, Exclusivity, Excuses, Gay, Health, Interference, LGBTQ, Lifestyle, Masks, Medical, Mental Health, No more Heroes, Overpopulation, Parties, Police, Reckless, Safety, Science, Self Interest, Selfish, Sex, Social Media, Stereotype, Threat, Video, Women In Charge

Filed under: Gay+

Permalink

07-Jul-2020


I Can’t Overcome the Curse of the Well-Endowed Man 

 

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a single father in my late 30s interested in getting back into the dating game following a two-year hiatus. As someone who spent most of his 20s involved in making pornographic movies, I’ve spent my 30s normalizing sex and relationships. As an extremely well-endowed man, I came to accept the idea for a long time that I would never serve more than one purpose to a woman and that a serious, committed relationship was just not in the cards for me—that I was essentially a novelty act for curious women. I don’t want to give a potential partner the impression that sex is unimportant to me, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m being used for that one specific reason either. After so many instances of dating a woman until she can find out for herself if bigger really is better, I’m starting to lose hope that anyone will ever see me as a legitimate partner and not just a fun story to gossip to their girlfriends about. How should I approach the subject without scaring off a potential partner?

—More Than a D

Slate

Tags: Advice, Relationships, Sex

Filed under: Health/Food

Permalink

06-Jul-2020


Stamford man caught in Cove video charged with hate crime, assault 

 

City police have charged a Stamford man, who was caught on video berating a group of young Black and Latino men at Cove Island Park last month, with a hate crime and multiple counts of assault.
Steven Mike Dudek, 57, who police say sprayed four of the men with pepper spray, was videoed shouting at the group and then calling police to report he was being harassed by a “bunch of Black men.”

On Thursday Stamford police charged Dudek with four counts of second-degree assault, first-degree intimidation based on bigotry or bias and falsely reporting an incident to police, according to Stamford Police Capt. Richard Conklin and Lt. Tom Scanlon.

One of the men asks for his name and Dudek replies, “My name is God.”

Stamford Advocate

Police: 2 women hit by car on Seattle highway amid protest

Florida man charged for pointing gun, unleashing racist tirade against Black homeowner

6-YEAR-OLD KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL ... Over BLM Shirt

MYSTIC INN BRUTAL RACIAL ATTACK

The Neighbor Kids Tore Up My Garden. Now Their Mom Says I’m a Bigot.

A White Couple Was Arrested After Pointing a Gun at a Black Family In a Chipotle Parking Lot

Man faces hate crime enhancements after threats against 12-year-old Black youth in SF

Tags: Accident, Advice, Arrest, Attack, Children, Complaint, Education, Environment, Etiquette, Exclusivity, Fashion, Guns, Hate, Hostility, Injury, Neighbor, Police, Politics, Racial Tension, Racism, Unruly Child, Vengeance, Video, Violence, Women, Women In Charge

Filed under: Gay+

Permalink

05-Jul-2020




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